It Only Takes a Glimmer: Healing in the Smallest Moments

Since beginning your grief journey, you’ve probably become familiar with triggers — those seemingly normal moments that wash over you with a powerful wave of grief. They can be a certain song on the radio, a scent that snaps you back in time, a significant date, stumbling across something that reminds you of the person you lost, and the list goes on. 

But have you heard of glimmers? If triggers activate your survival system, glimmers are what awaken your sense of safety and ground you in the moment. In the landscape of grief — a world that can feel overwhelming, noticing glimmers might be one of the most powerful things you can do for your mental health.

What Is a Glimmer?

The term “glimmer” was introduced by Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker and expert in Polyvagal Theory — a model that helps explain how our nervous system responds to safety and threat.

A glimmer is a micro-moment when your body feels safe, calm, connected, or hopeful. It might be subtle — a warm breeze on your face, a song that stirs positive emotions, a kind smile from a stranger, or the way sunlight dances on your wall in the morning. And it doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful. “Glimmers are cues of safety,” says Dana, “small moments that shape our biology and remind us that we are OK.”

Our brains are hardwired to look for danger, not delight. It’s called the negativity bias, and it’s an evolutionary survival mechanism. While that was once helpful for escaping predators, it’s not so helpful in the modern world when you’re trying to navigate grief, trauma, or even daily stressors. That’s where glimmers come in. They help train your nervous system to notice safety, not just threat. When you learn to spot glimmers — however small — you begin to:

• Regulate your nervous system

• Decrease chronic stress

• Improve emotional resilience

• Build inner safety

• Increase your capacity for joy

What Do Glimmers Look Like?

Glimmers are deeply personal. What calms you may not calm someone else — even within your family, but here are some common examples:

• The sound of your child’s belly laugh

• The smell of fresh coffee in the morning

• Your dog resting their head on your lap

• A song from your childhood

• Gentle rain while you’re safe inside

• A friend remembering something small, but meaningful

• Clean sheets

• Warm lighting

• A quote that hits right when you need it.

These moments don’t erase the heartache you feel in grief, but they anchor you. They remind your body that you are safe and not alone.

Polyvagal Theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explains that your vagus nerve — the largest cranial nerve in the body — is constantly scanning your environment for cues of safety or threat. Triggers activate our sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze), but glimmers activate your ventral vagal state — the part of the nervous system responsible for connection, calm, and social engagement. 

So, this isn’t just emotional; it’s neurological. And it means that your healing doesn’t have to be one huge breakthrough. Sometimes it’s just learning to pause long enough to feel the softness of a moment, to stay grounded, to stay open, and to stay present.

If you’re not used to noticing glimmers, don’t worry. This isn’t about “good vibes only” or pretending life is perfect after loss. Rather, it’s about building a habit of paying attention to what brings you peace, even for five seconds.

Glimmers of Hope

We may catch ourselves talking about our grief or trauma like they are the only things that shape us. What if healing isn’t just about what we survive, but also about what we learn to see? Glimmers won’t fix everything — they won’t erase our grief, but we wouldn’t want them to. Glimmers will fortify us and teach our bodies that, despite our profound loss, good things are still happening all around. Peace is possible — even here, even now.

So, here’s your invitation: Notice the light. Name the calm. Hold the moment. Because healing isn’t always big and dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle. Sometimes it’s sacred. Sometimes, it starts with a glimmer.

Find Your Glimmers

1. Set Intention - Start with a small goal — finding one glimmer each day, even the smallest thing that gives you a sense of ease.

2. Be Present - In grief or busy, stressful times, it’s easy to focus on the past or the future. Make an effort to slow down and tune in to the good around you.

3. Recognize and Feel - When you experience a glimmer, take it in. Tune into all five senses, and notice how your body responds.

4. Record - Whether you journal your glimmers each evening or create an album on your phone, logging your glimmers allows you to return to moments of comfort whenever you need to.

This article was originally published on June 25, 2025, by The Healthy You. It has been modified slightly for the TAPS community.

PHOTOS: TAPS Archives