Saturday Morning Message: Learning About Ourselves After Loss

Author: Carol Lane

Good Morning,

The opening photo today comes from the TAPS article, “Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes,” written by Rachael Hill. In the article, Rachael Hill writes about taking the talent she had for filing her family’s annual tax return and teaching her children how to accomplish this task since her husband’s annuity comes in their names. This also opened up a conversation with her sons about how she budgets the household finances, a skill they will need both now and in the future.

Hill Boys learning how to file taxes

In the response section of today’s message, you will read what other survivors have learned about themselves after their loss. I hope you will enjoy reading today’s Saturday Morning Message.

Carol Lane
Mother of Bryon


Responses from Survivors to last week's question

What have you identified about yourself on your grief journey?

From Robin, mother of Steven: It’s been just over 3 years since Steven left us. There has been so much grace in my life as I move from day to day. It’s helped me get past comments that are well intentioned and not meant to be unkind, but that can still be hurtful to a grieving mom. I’m not as outgoing as I used to be and that’s okay. Grief changes us and the way we see things. As long as these changes don’t harm us or others, I have learned it’s okay to be a different person.

From Anne, mother of Michael: Since I lost my son, Michael, on December 11, 2000, I have learned that life goes on, but it will never be the same. I had my husband at that time and we grieved together! Since I lost my husband five years ago, I have learned that I can live alone and take care of everything and know that my love for these fine men will never leave me! I am a grateful person to have had these wonderful people in my life! Semper Fi and God Bless America!


We Welcome Your Comments

If you would like to send a note commenting on one or all of the responses in this week’s Saturday Morning Message, send it to and your thoughts will be passed along to each contributor. You never know how your words may touch the heart of another.


Question for Next Week’s Saturday Morning Message 

What is your loved one's favorite musician or band?

This week, Elizabeth, spouse of Joseph, sent in our Song of the Week and also submitted the related question about our loved ones’ favorite performers or group. 

If your loved one’s favorite performer was a singer or musician, we invite you to also share a song that had special meaning for you or your loved one by that performer. We look forward to reading your responses.


We Welcome Your Questions 

The Saturday Morning Message was created so survivors can share questions and read how others respond. Questions for future messages are always welcome and can be sent to In order to have your reply included the following week, it is best to send your response by Tuesday morning.


Song for the Week

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Elizabeth, spouse of Joseph, wrote, “Joe's favorite performer was Glenn Yarborough. He had a solo act and also performed with The Limelighters. Our daughters grew up listening to LPs, tapes, and CDs. We went to a few concerts and during the intermission of one show, two women asked Joe for his autograph. He looked so much like Glenn that it was understandable. During Joe's last day at the VA hospital, when he was in a coma, someone found Glenn on their cell phone and played a few songs. He was always just Glenn to our family. No need for the last name.” 

So this week’s song is “I Didn’t See the Time Go By” sung by Glenn Yarborough.


Send Your Favorite Song or Recipe

Each week, we publish recipes or songs that have special meaning for our subscribers. If you have a favorite recipe or song for this section, please send it to and include a note about why it is meaningful to you.


Related Stories

Thompson Family

Article: A Mother’s Journey Through Writing

A surviving mother shares how telling your story can help with coming to terms with your loss while also hopefully finding a measure of peace.

Women Empowerment Retreat

Video: Who am I now?

This video recording discussion shares some tools for self-discovery as a way to examine how to reclaim our identities.


Other Items and Events of Interest

Caregiver to Survivor Program banner

TAPS recognizes the urgent need to support families who have lost a military loved one after having been a caregiver. The leading cause of death of our military loved ones is reported by survivors to be illness, but we know there are many survivors that experienced a loss after having cared for a loved one who was traumatically injured or diseased as well. 

At TAPS we understand, and we’re here to support our survivors as they navigate a grief journey that may have begun even before the death of your loved one. And, we are mindful of the differences present when someone has been a caregiver before they have transitioned to a survivor. The Caregiver to Survivor Program was developed with this in mind. 

We invite you to explore our resources and encourage you to reach out for support and take advantage of this exciting new program. 

▶▶  Connect With Other Survivors of Illness Loss

Join with other caregivers who supported their loved one through a devastating illness. Honor and share your loved one, the emotions, issues and challenges facing bereaved caregivers. Regardless of the circumstance or geography of the death, you are welcome in the TAPS Caregiver Support Chat. 

Caregiver to Survivor Chat
Wednesday, May 19
8:00 p.m. - 9:30 p.m. Eastern
We hope to see you there!

▶▶  Connect With Your TAPS Family 

You can discover all the opportunities to connect with your TAPS Family on our website at the TAPS Event Calendar.

Did you lose your loved one due to an illness?

Illness Loss Survey

If your military loved one suffered with a wound, illness, or injury, please consider taking our new Illness Loss Survivor Survey, so TAPS can honor your loved one through our advocacy efforts. 

If you took the survey last year, we ask that you retake it as we've made important updates. Your response could help shape policy and legislation, and direct future TAPS programs and services. To learn more, email

About the Saturday Morning Message

The Saturday Morning Message (SMM) is a weekly communication contributed by survivors. The primary focus of the SMM is to foster peer-based connections for support and encouragement. It is the goal of this communication to foster a safe, supportive place where we can openly share in a nonjudgmental and caring manner. Read and contribute as you are comfortable. Content submitted for the SMM is edited for space considerations and may be used in other TAPS publications. The loving family at TAPS is available to you 24 hours a day. Please call 202-588-TAPS (8277).