Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days?

From Ginny, spouse of John: Being the mother of an 8-year-old who lost her father at 5 isn’t an easy task. I can see my Lily’s constant struggle to keep memories alive and not forget her dad. She includes John in almost everything we do. Sometimes, she gets slightly creative in her memories of dad, but I think he would enjoy her made up adventures. Little questions such as, “Did we do this with Dad?” or “Is this something Dad would like?” enhance her decision making. As John’s widow, I’ve had to consciously move aside the pain and keep him alive for our daughter. Little did I know this would be my therapy when I’m at my lowest.

On hard days, we might venture out to Dunkin’ Donuts and get dad’s favorite donut, the vanilla creme. While this would have never been our choice before, it has become a staple of our visits and brings a sense of John’s presence as we sit and remember dad covered in powdered sugar as he enjoyed his donut. We might seek out a Korean restaurant and order dad’s favorite dish and remember the phrases John taught Lily to say in Korean. We even ventured down to Florida to visit dad’s retired C-130. One of the most therapeutic things we did together was run in the Marine Corps Marathon kids race and 10k in John's memory with TAPS. My new phrase when either one of us is feeling low: “Do you want to go to one of dad’s favorite places?” and she’s all in. Keeping the memories alive and incorporating John’s favorite things has been our creative way to heal.

From Lydia Joy, mother of Carl: I got inked on the inside of my left wrist. It was a couple of months after Carl's father and I separated. I selected this design to remind myself that even though my heart was broken, life still goes on. I wanted to move forward in a positive direction. I showed my ink to lots of people including my son and explained the meaning: my heart is broken, but life goes on.

I plan to go back to the tattoo artist and have some more ink added to this heart. I want him to add an infinity symbol around the heart and to put my son's signature in the other lobe. I will need to visit with the artist ahead of time to have the design drawn, but I plan to have the ink added on my son's angel date, September 25.

From Tara, daughter of Kenneth: This is my favorite thing to do to make my Dad’s grave look special for the given holiday.  Whether it’s an anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc. That’s my time to get creative with decorations, things I know would remind me of him during that special holiday. I think this is not only nice for remembering my Dad on these days, but it also serves as a healing time for me as well. I have always loved being creative and putting a lot of thought into holidays. This way I still can.