Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days?
Author: Carol Lane
This week we share some of the things we do to mark special days. Sometimes there are days that are just hard, but not just special occasions like an anniversary, birthday, holiday or angelversary. That is when we need to remember those special moments with our loved ones. The opening picture shows Lily, and her father, John, at Dunkin’ Donuts where they had many enjoyable times. You will read more about this close relationship below.
Mother of Bryon
Responses from Survivors to last week's question
What do you do for anniversaries, birthdays or angelversaries?
From Ginny, spouse of John: Being the mother of an 8-year-old who lost her father at 5 isn’t an easy task. I can see my Lily’s constant struggle to keep memories alive and not forget her dad. She includes John in almost everything we do. Sometimes, she gets slightly creative in her memories of dad, but I think he would enjoy her made up adventures. Little questions such as, “Did we do this with Dad?” or “Is this something Dad would like?” enhance her decision making. As John’s widow, I’ve had to consciously move aside the pain and keep him alive for our daughter. Little did I know this would be my therapy when I’m at my lowest.
On hard days, we might venture out to Dunkin’ Donuts and get dad’s favorite donut, the vanilla creme. While this would have never been our choice before, it has become a staple of our visits and brings a sense of John’s presence as we sit and remember dad covered in powdered sugar as he enjoyed his donut. We might seek out a Korean restaurant and order dad’s favorite dish and remember the phrases John taught Lily to say in Korean. We even ventured down to Florida to visit dad’s retired C-130. One of the most therapeutic things we did together was run in the Marine Corps Marathon kids race and 10k in John's memory with TAPS. My new phrase when either one of us is feeling low: “Do you want to go to one of dad’s favorite places?” and she’s all in. Keeping the memories alive and incorporating John’s favorite things has been our creative way to heal.
From Lydia Joy, mother of Carl: I got inked on the inside of my left wrist. It was a couple of months after Carl's father and I separated. I selected this design to remind myself that even though my heart was broken, life still goes on. I wanted to move forward in a positive direction. I showed my ink to lots of people including my son and explained the meaning: my heart is broken, but life goes on.
I plan to go back to the tattoo artist and have some more ink added to this heart. I want him to add an infinity symbol around the heart and to put my son's signature in the other lobe. I will need to visit with the artist ahead of time to have the design drawn, but I plan to have the ink added on my son's angel date, September 25.
From Tara, daughter of Kenneth: This is my favorite thing to do to make my Dad’s grave look special for the given holiday. Whether it’s an anniversary, birthday, holiday, etc. That’s my time to get creative with decorations, things I know would remind me of him during that special holiday. I think this is not only nice for remembering my Dad on these days, but it also serves as a healing time for me as well. I have always loved being creative and putting a lot of thought into holidays. This way I still can.
Question for Next Week’s Saturday Morning Message
The next message will be on July 4, which celebrates our country’s independence. Normally many of us would be traveling, but that might not be possible this year, so let’s introduce our hometowns to the group. In that way we can enjoy the magnificent place our country has become. This week’s question is: What is one place in your hometown that would be good for a group of our TAPS families to visit? It can be a place or an activity like hiking or boating. Pictures are welcome. We look forward to your responses.
The Saturday Morning Message was created so survivors can share questions and read how others respond. Questions for future messages are always welcome. You can reply to this message or email firstname.lastname@example.org In order to have your reply included the following week, it is best to send your response by Tuesday morning. Thank you to everyone responding this week and those who read this message.
♫ Song for the Week
My cousin, Sharon, sent the song for this week which is: "My Immortal," by Evanescence. I thought it described how many survivors, including me, feel at times.
You can send me favorite songs for this song of the week section at email@example.com and include a note about why the song is meaningful to you.
Share Your Thoughts
If you would like to send a message thanking one or all of those who participated in this week’s Saturday Morning Message, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org and your thoughts will be passed along to them. You never know how your words may touch the heart of another.
TAPS can help us on our grief journey by supporting each other. Like the geese we should not try to maneuver this path alone, we move better when we’re together.
The date is engraved on my heart. It seems so wrong; anniversaries should be for celebrating a joyous occasion, not for acknowledging a death.