Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Coping Strategies

Author: Carol Lane

Good Morning,

This week I am sending a picture of the poinsettia I bought for the holiday season. I loved it because it combined both the red and white varieties. Since I can’t have anyone physically in the house during the pandemic, I thought I would give you a virtual peek into my home.

Carol's Poinsettia

December is always a good time for reflection and a time to gather questions for Saturday Morning Messages in the new year. We want to hear from you. Are there topics that have affected or interested you this year? Or, is there something about your grief journey that has troubled you recently and it would be helpful to hear how others have coped? Maybe, you just have an idea of something you think would make a good question for our survivor community. I like to select questions that might be applicable to all survivors. I look forward to hearing from you at online@taps.org.

By sharing coping strategies, we become stronger. This week survivors have written what they do to cope with the holidays and I have included a recipe from my grandmother’s cookbook. I hope you enjoy this week’s message.

Hugs,
Carol Lane
Mother of Bryon

 


Responses from Survivors to last week's question

What are your strategies for coping with the holiday season?

From Peggy, mother of Cody: The holidays have always been a struggle since our son's death. He was home for Christmas and it was so amazing. Then everything turned on January 2, 2012.

The first Christmas was so difficult, but still having 2 children at home we tried to keep it as normal as possible because our son, Cody, loved holidays and our girls deserved some normalcy. His favorite holidays were Halloween, 4th of July and Christmas! It was so difficult the first year. Cody's absence from our family was hard on all of us. I still decorated, as usual, even though I had no desire, but Cody always went all out on the holidays he loved and decorated big.

Since his passing we now go all out on holidays, because we know the joy it would bring him; and, honestly, it has done a lot for our family as well. It is a tradition and one that has stayed. We no longer hang his stocking because of the painful reminder of his absence. We also have added some new traditions like sending handmade Christmas cards to patients at Walter Reed hospital. 

This year is different with COVID-19. We will still decorate inside and out, like the Griswolds. We will not be sending cards, but I do plan on leaving some pre-packaged treats on neighbors’ doorsteps, especially the elderly. We also plan on adopting a nursing home resident. Cody enjoyed helping those who were less fortunate, so this is a great way to honor him. Helping others helps us get through the tough times and warms our hearts. Hopefully, it helps others have a bit more joy in their lives.

From Sandra, mother of Joshua: My strategies for coping with the holiday season are to always have a plan and to say no to invites that are not in my comfort zone. This was my 4th Thanksgiving and will be my 4th Christmas after the death of my older son. Every Christmas and Thanksgiving are different now and change like the seasons. On this Thanksgiving, there was turkey, two sides and pie. On Christmas, there will be a two foot artificial Home Depot Christmas tree with generic Christmas ball ornaments, two Walmart Christmas pillows on the couch and a Christmas wreath on the front door. I do this for my younger son.

There are now only three of us together on holidays. We will open presents in the morning and eat spiral ham, green beans, mashed potatoes and pie in the afternoon. I plan on reading a book that I ordered called “Mystic Tea”, renting a new release, going for a walk and drinking a little wine. In the evening, I will have coffee and pie for dinner.

This has become my new Christmas. My holiday will not be very adventurous or exciting but it will be bearable. Sometimes, Godwinks occur during the holidays and those are blessings too.

We Welcome Your Comments

If you would like to send a note commenting on one or all of the responses in this week’s Saturday Morning Message, send it to online@taps.org and your thoughts will be passed along to each contributor. You never know how your words may touch the heart of another.

 


Question for Next Week’s Saturday Morning Message 

How do you include your loved one or the memory of your loved one into your holiday traditions?

The memory of our loved ones is with us each and everyday, but it's during the holidays when we often miss them most and wish they were near. Many of us continue to make memories with our loved ones during these special times, even though they are no longer physically with us. I look forward to hearing how you continue to honor and remember your loved ones during the holidays. 

In order to have your reply considered for the following week’s edition, it is best to send your response by Tuesday morning to me at online@taps.org. Thank you to everyone responding this week and to those who read this message.

 


Recipe for the Week

 

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From Carol, mother of Bryon: My grandmother made these for all her grandchildren and we looked forward to having a few each December.


Grandma Lillie's Holiday Cookies


Ingredients

  • ½ cup butter
  • ¼ cup sugar
  • 1 egg yolk
  • ½ teaspoon vanilla
  • 1 tablespoon grated orange rind
  • 1 tablespoon lemon juice
  • 1 cup sifted flour

Directions

  • Mix well. Make into small balls and roll. Place on a baking sheet. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes.

Next Week: We will feature a song from a survivor and why it is special to the them.

If you have a favorite recipe or song for this section, please send your ideas to me at online@taps.org and include a note about why there is meaning for you.

 


Related Stories

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Article: Healing Your Holiday Grief

You can find continued meaning in the holidays and in life. You can continue to live and love fully. You must grieve but you can also celebrate.

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Video: New Traditions and Tips for the Holidays

This webinar provides tools for navigating the holidays after the loss of a loved one.

 


UPCOMING VIDEO AND TEXT CHATS
 

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Visit the TAPS Online Community Calendar for this week's schedule of text and video chats and other offerings. We have a virtual gathering most days of the week. Whether you want to share your story or just read how other survivors are sharing and coping, this online grief support community is a way for you to develop and strengthen your connections with TAPS.


Other Items and Events of Interest
 

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Celebrating National Mentoring Month

During this National Mentoring Month, we want to express our gratitude for all of our mentors:

  • TAPS Peer Mentors who take their experience as a military survivor and offer support to those new to grief.
  • Military and Legacy Mentors who companion the youngest members of our family, offering a safe and supportive community.

Connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or LinkedIn throughout the month, where we will be sharing resources and articles about mentoring, along with quotes and testimonials from our mentors and mentees.

Webinar: Mindfulness as Your Superpower

On Thursday, January 28 at 12 p.m. Eastern, the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® will present a free webinar, "Mindfulness as Your Superpower."

Mindfulness isn’t just for naturally calm people. It is a superpower that can help us cope with the most challenging emotions—even grief. Using superhero case examples, during this workshop, you will learn how mindfulness can help you navigate loss, improve your health, and cultivate much-needed compassion for your grieving heart. 

Join TAPS At One of Our 2021 Seminars

Registration is now open for our 2021 Regional Seminars and our National Military Survivor Seminar. In - Person and Virtual Opportunities are available.

TAPS Seminars offer a comprehensive model of care that brings together adult survivors of all ages for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many years without them or are somewhere in between, TAPS Seminars are designed to meet you where you are in your grief journey. 

Breath of Fresh Air with TAPS Outdoors: Breathing In The New Year

TAPS Outdoors wants to help you reconnect with the natural world in simple yet meaningful ways with weekly activities you can do anywhere. (Yes, we really mean anywhere.) Our goal is to connect you with the healing power of nature no matter where you live and give you the tools to make meaning out of your experiences. 

As many of us have experienced in our grief, a year of great loss and challenge can also give way to new life and hope. Join us in January for Breathing In The New Year, as we transition into a new year and explore the wild, forging new paths together in our hearts and set foot on trails we've yet to see. 

You can discover all the opportunities to connect with your TAPS family on our website at the TAPS Event Calendar.


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We're All In This Together

COVID-19 Support and Resources

At TAPS, we’re no stranger to challenging times, and we’re all doing our part to support one another and get through these difficult times together. As always, TAPS is here 24/7, and our team is working hard to provide resources, services and support to surviving military families as they navigate the challenges of COVID-19. For more information or questions, visit our COVID-19 Response and Resources page or please email us at info@taps.org.


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Choose TAPS as Your AmazonSmile Charity of Choice

AmazonSmile is a simple way for you to support TAPS every time you shop, at no cost to you. Visit smile.amazon.com, log in, and select TAPS as your charity of choice. Amazon will give 0.5% of your eligible purchases to TAPS.


About the Saturday Morning Message

The Saturday Morning Message (SMM) is a weekly communication; written and contributed to by survivors. The primary focus of the Saturday Morning Message is to foster peer-based connection for support and encouragement.  It is the goal of this communication to foster a safe, supportive atmosphere where we can openly share in a non-judgmental and caring manner. Read and contribute as you are comfortable, and explore any opinions/ideas shared that are most beneficial to you on your individual journey. Content submitted for inclusion in the Saturday Morning Message is edited for spacing considerations, grammatical corrections and may be used in other TAPS publications.  

To subscribe or contribute to the Saturday Morning Message email online@taps.org.

If you ever need to speak to someone regarding an urgent matter or just need a listening ear, the loving family at TAPS is available to you 24 hours a day. Please feel free to contact TAPS at 202-588-8277.