Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey

Author: Carol Lane

Good Morning,

Reading can be very beneficial for those who are grieving. In today’s response section, readers shared their thoughts about how books have been helpful on their grief journey.

Healing Your Grieving Heart book coverThe lead picture is from the book titled Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death by Bonnie Carroll and Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Clicking on the title will take you to the TAPS webpage where you can read the summary and buy it if you like. The rest of the book titles below will link to Amazon.com. While on the Amazon website, you might look into AmazonSmile, a program where Amazon donates a portion of sales to a selected charity. We encourage you to select TAPS as a beneficiary. I hope you will find these publications useful.

Remember, you can write to me anytime just to communicate or if you have thoughts on what could make the Saturday Morning Message more helpful. I look forward to hearing from you. My email address is online@taps.org.

Hugs,
Carol Lane
Mother of Bryon

 

Question for Next Week’s Saturday Morning Message 

Questions come from different sources. The question this week came from a TAPS Care Group. Those of us who have lost a loved one in service to our country receive personal items of our loved one which we keep. This week’s question is: Have you saved certain things that belonged to your loved one which have become priceless? Tell us about them and send a picture if you like. We look forward to your responses. 

Questions are the  backbone of the Saturday Morning Message. I am running low on questions. Think about topics that are on your mind. I am sure others have similar questions. You can email your ideas to me at online@taps.org. Replies to this week’s question are best sent to me by the following Tuesday morning. You are an important part of this message and I look forward to your questions or any ideas you may have to make the Saturday Morning Message more helpful.

 

♫ Song for the Week

Teresa, mother of Donald, sent the song for this week which is Always, written by Irving Berlin and sung in this version by Willie Nelson. Teresa wrote this message to us explaining the meaning of this song to her: "Ever since Donald was born, I sang this song to him. I meant these words then and I mean them now. Donald, no matter what I have to do, whether it's going to trials, writing a book to honor you, or just pushing forward, I'll be loving you always, even if you are in Heaven.” 

You can send me favorite songs for this song of the week section at online@taps.org. I directly receive all responses that are sent to this address.

 

Answers from Survivors

Responses from Survivors to last week’s question: Has there been a book, or a line in a book, that has helped you on your grief journey?

From Caryn, mother of Nathan: There hasn't been any one book that has helped, but it's reading itself! Reading takes me out of the moment and allows me to disappear into any world I choose. It's always been that way for me and now I've needed that more than ever! I find fantasy takes me to magical places, mysteries make me think outside the box, and reading itself keeps me from wallowing in pity. It gives the right to enjoy something outside myself without anyone's judgements. Just for a few hours it feels OK to feel whatever I'm experiencing.

From Sheryl, mother of Adam: A couple of months after Adam's death, my book club read Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger. It is about the loss of a child and how it changed the family and others close to them. There was a chapter about the Easter sermon a few weeks after the death. It spoke to me so much that I copied the pages so I could reread it after I returned the book. I recommend this novel.

From Merry, mother of Wesley: Wes was a voracious reader from a very early age and I've kept many of his books, intending to read them. In the box of items collected from the house he was renting, were books I had given him that he kept for years. I was so pleased to see them and probably won't ever give them away.

I love books. I  wish there was more time to read. I'm trying to finish West Like Lightning. It's about the short-lived Pony Express era.  

From Michele, mother of Stephen: It was so hard for me to understand my son's death and to find a way to cope with all of it. I was given a book when I went to Texas for his memorial from a mother who lost her son so tragically. It was called, The Empty Chair, Handling Grief on Holidays and other Special Occasions. Out of the book what really stuck in my head, is "God doesn't cause death, He allows it because of human brokenness." So I see my son as being very broken. God called him back home to be in peace again. As hard as it is, I remember to find peace with all of it. Also, I read a magazine article from TAPS, titled Is Suicide a Choice? It helped me to understand much more, helping me to understand the pain my son was in.The one thing I remember is, they don't think about us in the moment, just the pain they are in and the need to get rid of it. So it has helped ease the pain.

From Joy, mother of Stephen: Thanks for the opportunity to share books that have helped.  The only peace I find in my life now that I have lost my only son, Stephen, is in the promise that through faith I will see him again. I have struggled mightily to hold on to that faith. A couple books that helped me in the early days of grief were Heaven by Randy Alcorn and If God is Good also by Randy Alcorn. These books ministered to my soul in a way that nothing else has been able to do. More recently I read When God Doesn't Fix It by Laura Story.  It is so encouraging to read real life (not candy coated) stories of people who are wounded, but have become better people, not bitter people, through it. I look forward to seeing what books others have found helpful! 

If you would like to send a message thanking one or all of those who participated in this week’s Saturday Morning Message, send it to me at online@taps.org and I will make sure your thoughts are passed along to them.


UPCOMING VIDEO AND TEXT CHATS
 

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Visit the TAPS Online Community Calendar for this week's schedule of text and video chats and other offerings. We have a virtual gathering most days of the week. Whether you want to share your story or just read how other survivors are sharing and coping, this online grief support community is a way for you to develop and strengthen your connections with TAPS.


Other Items and Events of Interest
 

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Women's Empowerment Programming

If you’re looking to connect with other surviving women, you may just find your sisterhood during our fall weekly Women’s Empowerment sessions! These sessions are open to all TAPS women wrestling with questions of identity and purpose after loss. You can join this safe, supportive online environment via webcam. Our weekly schedule offers sessions on Tuesday through Friday each week.

Central Regional Seminar 

Join us at the Central Regional Seminar on  November 13 to 15 for a time of sharing, hope, and healing. Our seminars are designed to meet you where you are and help you gain coping skills that will help you find meaning and purpose as you move forward on your grief journey. We are working to make arrangements for this event with safety in mind and look forward to being together again. Thanks to the generosity of our sponsors, TAPS provides all lodging, meals, materials, activities, and T-shirts at no cost to you.

Dare to Lead - Cohort 3

Whether you are looking to enhance your resume or just want to pick up a new skill or two, we are excited to offer a third cohort of our popular Dare to Lead series of workshops, beginning on Sunday, November 15. These sessions are open to TAPS Survivors wanting to bring more courage to their workplace, home, community, or school. It is applicable for both formal and informal leaders (all of us), executives, visionaries, and healers across all spectrums.

Creating New Holiday Traditions - Webinar

Accessing a spirit of holiday cheer in the midst of grief can be challenging and many may feel compelled to skip the holidays altogether. Especially this year, when so many gatherings and travel may be limited, cultivating holiday traditions that honor your grief and promote connection with others can be very healing. Join the TAPS Institute to discuss creative ways to engage in the holidays in ways that meet you where you are in your grief journey. This Creating New Holiday Traditions webinar is free and will be held Thursday, November 19 from 12:00 to- 1:00 p.m. Eastern. 

You can discover all the opportunities to connect with your TAPS family on our website at the TAPS Event Calendar.


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Choose TAPS as Your AmazonSmile Charity of Choice

AmazonSmile is a simple way for you to support TAPS every time you shop, at no cost to you. Visit smile.amazon.com, log in, and select TAPS as your charity of choice. Amazon will give 0.5% of your eligible purchases to TAPS.


About the Saturday Morning Message

The Saturday Morning Message (SMM) is a weekly communication; written and contributed to by survivors. The primary focus of the Saturday Morning Message is to foster peer-based connection for support and encouragement.  It is the goal of this communication to foster a safe, supportive atmosphere where we can openly share in a non-judgmental and caring manner. Read and contribute as you are comfortable, and explore any opinions/ideas shared that are most beneficial to you on your individual journey. Content submitted for inclusion in the Saturday Morning Message is edited for spacing considerations, grammatical corrections and may be used in other TAPS publications.  

To subscribe or contribute to the Saturday Morning Message email online@taps.org.

If you ever need to speak to someone regarding an urgent matter or just need a listening ear, the loving family at TAPS is available to you 24 hours a day. Please feel free to contact TAPS at 800-959-8277.