Saturday Morning Message: The Winter Holidays

Author: Carol Lane

Good morning,

Today is Veterans Day, so a poem about the holiday is the opening survivor response.

The November and December holidays can add stress to an already difficult time. Today survivors shared what they do to cope. Some write poems. Others choose to go away or do something different than they have done in the past for the upcoming days. Thanks to all who have shared this week and also those of you who read this message.

Survivors Hug Each Other

Is there something on your mind, and you would like to hear how others cope? By sharing coping strategies, together we become stronger. Please send me your questions for future Saturday Morning Messages. You are an integral part of this weekly connection. You can also submit favorite songs that are meaningful to you.

If you would like to send a message thanking one or all of those who wrote this week, send it to me and I will make sure your thoughts are passed along to them.

The opening picture shows one of the best things to do for someone. Just give them a hug, so here is yours from across the miles.

Hugs to all of you,

From Thomas, father of Patrick:

Never Forget

Many years have passed, many wars been fought
Those veterans of the past, often in our thoughts
We often wonder where they come from
Those children of ours, our daughters and sons

When we need them, they say, “Send me”
They will be the ones to cross the sea
Growing up so fast, to see them part.
Some, we will see again, others, only in art. 

Our history of wars are extensive at best
Those that step up, deserve medals on their chest
Over 200 years they said, “Send me.”
Both women and men, volunteers and draftees.

Remember those Patriots, and their fight for liberty
They left their families and homes, for a land of the free
Disease, starvation and death became the norm
Kids into soldiers they did transform

Many have served, during our wars
When fighting breaks out, those numbers do soar
That does not include those, that served in peacetime
Reserves and National Guard, ready to stand the line
All gave some and some gave all
We surely miss those that fall

They come back to us, battered and bruised
Their world has changed and they are confused
We owe them our country, our land and our homes.
Our freedoms, our liberties, and how much we have grown
Shake their hand and thank them, for what they have done
Those veterans of ours, our daughters and sons.

Question for Next Week’s Saturday Morning Message

The question this week came from an article that was published in the most recent TAPS Magazine. A survivor sent in an article titled "Rich in Love and Food: Pozole Verde." The author, Gabriela Chavez, wrote about a favorite dish her son made. I thought it would be interesting to send in a paragraph about a favorite food your loved one made or liked. You don’t have to share the recipe. So the question is: What is a favorite food your loved one liked and why was this dish special?

Song for the Week

From Kelsey, mother of Michael: My son was a Marine. He passed away Aug. 8, 2016. He loved Japan and it's people. At his memorial service, we played Japanese music. Whenever I hear “Sakura Rain,” I think of him. Sometimes I cry, other times I smile. Either way, this song has become his song. 

Answers from Survivors

From Leslie, mother of Eugene: November holidays for me aren't too bad because we are busy. Thanksgiving will be shared with 24 people at my husband's ex-wife’s condo. Yes, we all get along for the kids' and grandkids’ sake, and it works. It's also big birthdays for his son and daughter-in-law. That party is the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

December is a bit more problematic. Eugene would have turned 40. Chanukah, Christmas and New Years will be uneventful. But Jan. 6 we go on a cruise. I am sure something will pop up during December to make it different.

Laura, mother of Nathaniel: I’m not sure what to expect the second year of Nathan’s passing. Some say it’s better than the first, some say it’s worse. Nonetheless, it’s for me to discover. Hoping for the best and prepared for the worst, I’ve decided not to celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year holidays. A break from the pressures holidays can bring at a time when what is (Nathan’s physical absence) and what will never be (Nathan’s presence) is already comforting to me. I’m able to focus on the heart of the matter —remembering his love, celebrating his life and sharing the journey.

Photo of Fallen Hero

Karl, father of Tre: TAPS has been a comfort to me. It's a circle you don't want to be a part of but glad you are. I actually look for the Saturday Morning Message. In the beginning, I hesitated opening it thinking it was just pouring salt in the wound. Then I saw ya'll knew the pain I knew and could relate to me, unlike family members and friends. Knowing that the person preparing this message, Carol Lane, also shares our grief convinced me to be a part of it. Unlike many here I have not really participated in a TAPS event. But reading the messages and responding to some and speaking with TAPS volunteers has helped me. This Veterans Day my son will be honored by having a stone placed, which someone donated, at the Kingsland, Georgia, Veterans Memorial Park. Small but humble. It's been this father's ongoing mission to make sure no one forgets my son's sacrifice. Thanks and God bless all of you.


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Visit the TAPS Online Community Calendar for this week's schedule of text and video chats and other offerings. We have a virtual gathering most days of the week. Whether you want to share your story or just read how other survivors are sharing and coping, this online grief support community is a way for you to develop and strengthen your connections with TAPS.

Other Items and Events of Interest

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Breath of Fresh Air With TAPS Outdoors - Season 2

The Breath of Fresh Air series, presented by TAPS Outdoors, is for everyone and requires no previous outdoor experience! With bi-weekly videos and Campfire Chats, we'll help you find the right tips, tools and tricks to navigate the wilds of our natural world and the wilds of your grief.

In Season 2: Sowing Seeds, we will utilize the skills we developed over winter to plant seeds of hope for the flourishing summer ahead. Spring is the season of new beginnings, and we look forward to preparing the ground, planting seeds and growing with you in the journey to blooms. The official launch date is Wednesday, March 3.

Free Webinars Presented by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing®

Gain valuable information and coping strategies through the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing. In February, you have two opportunities to participate in free online sessions. 

You can discover all the opportunities to connect with your TAPS family on our website at the TAPS Event Calendar.

We're All In This Together

COVID-19 Support and Resources

At TAPS, we’re no stranger to challenging times, and we’re all doing our part to support one another and get through these difficult times together. As always, TAPS is here 24/7, and our team is working hard to provide resources, services and support to surviving military families as they navigate the challenges of COVID-19. For more information or questions, visit our COVID-19 Response and Resources page or please email us at

Choose TAPS as Your AmazonSmile Charity of Choice

AmazonSmile is a simple way for you to support TAPS every time you shop, at no cost to you. Visit, log in, and select TAPS as your charity of choice. Amazon will give 0.5% of your eligible purchases to TAPS.

About the Saturday Morning Message

The Saturday Morning Message (SMM) is a weekly communication; written and contributed to by survivors. The primary focus of the Saturday Morning Message is to foster peer-based connection for support and encouragement.  It is the goal of this communication to foster a safe, supportive atmosphere where we can openly share in a non-judgmental and caring manner. Read and contribute as you are comfortable, and explore any opinions/ideas shared that are most beneficial to you on your individual journey. Content submitted for inclusion in the Saturday Morning Message is edited for spacing considerations, grammatical corrections and may be used in other TAPS publications.  

To subscribe or contribute to the Saturday Morning Message email

If you ever need to speak to someone regarding an urgent matter or just need a listening ear, the loving family at TAPS is available to you 24 hours a day. Please feel free to contact TAPS at 202-588-8277.