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A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps \| TAPS Elizabeth Engleman-Hammett U.S. Army Specialist Tyler Brent Hammett It was Super Bowl Sunday, February 2, 2014. My family and I were settled in front of the television watching the game, as we do every Sunday during football season. It wasn’t quite half-time, rather late in the day, so we were a little more than perplexed to hear someone knock on our front door. In th
Grief is a Path Best Shared Grief is a Path Best Shared Grief is a Path Best Shared \| TAPS Perry Monroe We are all different in how our grief journeys unfold; and for me, my turning point came 13 years after the death of my son, U.S. Army Sergeant Christopher Taylor Monroe. For many years, I had held my emotions inside, with no one knowing of the losses I had suffered. Seeing how grief had affected those around me, I did my best to be the solid rock holding things together for everyone else. As a father, I w
Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Kaylin Jennings-Knight I became widowed at the age of 27. At the time, I was five months pregnant and raising three young children. My late husband, Andre, was a disabled army veteran who suffered from PTSD and TBI. He lost his battle to PTSD on June 6, 2017. Many remember this date as D-Day. For my family, we remember this day as the day our world changed forever.
Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Being there to listen without judgement is one wonderful gift TAPS gives to those who connect with our organization. The opening photo shows a TAPS Military Mentor listening carefully to a young survivor. Through our mentors, caring staff and our Helpline Team, TAPS is here 24/7 to listen and to provide support to all survivors. The Saturda
Saturday Morning Message: Finding A Sense Of Accomplishment In The New Year Saturday Morning Message: Finding A Sense Of Accomplishment In The New Year Finding A Sense Of Accomplishment In The New Year \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Welcome to the first Saturday Morning Message for 2021! With the beginning of each new year, many of us begin to make plans and set goals and intentions. Although I usually don’t make resolutions, one thing I would like to do in the upcoming year is attend a TAPS seminar. I miss seeing those who are connected t
A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor \| TAPS Mona Gunn There is no loss like that of a child whose life was cut short. My son Cherone’s death was devastating to our family. He chose to follow in his dad’s footsteps and join the U.S. Navy. Immediately following his death in the attack on the USS Cole, there was nothing but pain in our hearts. The only thing that sustained us at that time was our family and friends as well as all the memories of his
Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal \| TAPS Cella Logan Finding Purpose through Helping Others At a 2019 regional seminar in Jacksonville, Florida, I became a TAPS Peer Mentor. I felt ready to help guide other survivors through their journey of loss, heartbreak, unknowns and the life of widowhood. At that time, I was only 5 months into my new career as a Military Spouse Advocate with the state of Florida. I work with active duty spouses helping them find their purp
Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days? Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days? How Do You Mark Special Days? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, This week we share some of the things we do to mark special days. Sometimes there are days that are just hard, but not just special occasions like an anniversary, birthday, holiday or angelversary. That is when we need to remember those special moments with our loved ones. The opening picture shows Lily, and her father, John, at Dunkin’ Donuts where t
Train Your Brain for Better Sleep Train Your Brain for Better Sleep Train Your Brain for Better Sleep \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff Remember Pavlov’s Dogs, who got so hungry they started to drool when he heard the sound of a bell? When it comes to sleep, we are often just like those dogs. Have you ever been dog tired (puns are fun) at the end of the day, only to feel wide awake the moment your head hit the pillow? This typically happens when, like Pavlov, we have trained our brains to associate our bed with thoughts, feeling
Turning Devastation into Hope Turning Devastation into Hope Turning Devastation into Hope \| TAPS Carolyn Colley My brother, Army Pfc. Stephen E. Colley, was my best friend. He was smart, caring and funny. He had a huge heart – he greeted everyone with a hug and never left a conversation without a smile. I loved and admired him in so many ways. When he returned from a deployment to Iraq, he was different, and while we could tell he was suffering, we did not know just how bad it was or what we needed to do. Ultimately, the
Adventures Give Us Strength in the Wilderness of Grief Adventures Give Us Strength in the Wilderness of Grief Adventures Give Us Strength in the Wilderness of Grief \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell When grief halts everything we once knew, we are asked to pause, reflect, and then rebuild. Planning and preparation are the gateway to discovering something new outside of who we are — learning to step into what we can become if we simply keep going. On TAPS Expeditions, we explore the wilderness of our earth and of our grief. We discover the ways in which the
Found My NICHe Found My NICHe Found My NICHe \| TAPS Emily Dieruf Chambers Running with Team TAPS at the Marine Corps Marathon Thousands of widows share a common bond because of Operation Iraqi Freedom, each of us mourning and coping in a myriad of ways. Though it took me several years after the death of my husband, CPL Nicholas Dieruf, USMC to discover an outlet. Running quickly became a way to escape the days’ stressors, connect with a newfound community of friends, and get any day started on a positive n
Grief Returns When the Nest Empties Grief Returns When the Nest Empties Grief Returns When the Nest Empties \| TAPS Sarah Greene Over the years, you have worked hard to raise your survivor kids to the best of your ability. Their grieving hearts need extra care and you have frequently put your own grief to the side while doing the job of both parents. You have been so busy with the demands of life and kids that you barely noticed what you needed along the way. In the mix of coping with loss, raising kids, running the househol
Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, As we learn to function after the death of a loved one, something unexpected may come along to upset us. Last week Cheryl, mother of Jack, wrote about her dog, Bear, who was a comfort pet. When he passed, she wondered how others have coped when another sudden loss occurs in their lives while healing. Sometimes nothing helps more than a big hug. The pic
Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, When contemplating going to a certain place after the loss of our loved ones, we put a great deal of thought into the decision. Although it is not possible to know what this young survivor in the photo is thinking, I thought it really fit today’s topic. The varied answers this week show how survivors handle going to places that may make them feel
Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Volunteers are important to TAPS. This week the focus is on the group called mentors. TAPS legacy and military mentors contribute by giving children support as they participate in TAPS programs. Peer mentors are survivors who are 18 months beyond their own loss and have been trained by peer professionals. They are ready to offer a hand to others,
Saturday Morning Message: What We Do with Our Loved One's Possessions? Saturday Morning Message: What We Do with Our Loved One's Possessions? Saturday Morning Message: What We Do with Our Loved One's Possessions? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The question about what we do with our loved one’s things is one I put in the Saturday Morning Message a few times a year since it frequently is a question asked by new survivors. In addition to the replies submitted by survivors, I’d like to share two articles from a TAPS Magazine that addresses this query. They were bo
Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Why We Need Both Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Why We Need Both \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt In many ways, grief is an experience replete with contradictions. We feel like time stops, yet time goes on. We can’t stop thinking about the death, yet we distract ourselves so we won’t think about it. We’re strong, yet we’re weak. We’re resilient, yet we’re vulnerable. Acknowledging and embracing these necessary contradictions (and others) is part of our work of
Saturday Morning Message: Changes in Our Lives Saturday Morning Message: Changes in Our Lives Saturday Morning Message: Changes in Our Lives \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week's question made me really stop and think. With the beginning of March, things in nature are changing here in Vermont. The sap is beginning to run, and those who make maple syrup are beginning to get ready. The sap is starting to go up into the trees to make the flowers so new trees will begin to replace the old. I think it is the same with my thoughts. My o
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Thanksgiving Food Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Thanksgiving Food Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Thanksgiving Food \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week survivors wrote about their loved one’s favorite foods at Thanksgiving. The opening picture came from Caryn, mother of Nathan, who wrote, “Nathan and his favorite Thanksgiving meal was always one he prepared himself, beginning with this one when he was in middle school. The last Thanksgiving meal I had was the one he cooked with his Dad in 2010.
Saturday Morning Message: Lifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Lifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Angelversary Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week, in addition to the responses to the question about lifting spirits, there were a variety of pictures included. The lead picture comes from Kelsey, mother of Michael. You will read her explanation later in the message. We all have such unique ways of creating a way to lift our spirits when we are down. I know you will find those who wrote this week to have imag
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, I am always pleasantly surprised when I read the responses to the weekly question and this week was no exception. The response sent by Betty, mother of Michael, included a picture of an item given to her at her son’s funeral. Betty wrote, “At Michael’s service at Dallas-Fort Worth National Cemetery, one of the Marines from Michael’s unit presented me with an item. Much was a
Setting Boundaries While Grieving Setting Boundaries While Grieving Setting Boundaries While Grieving \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk Setting boundaries is hard. When it’s our job to take care of others or attend to business, we place a lot of pressure on ourselves to get it right, to not drop balls. After all, we take our responsibilities seriously and don’t want to let anyone down. Even on our best days when we are not grieving, this set of expectations can be incredibly difficult to live up to, if not downright impossible. Our li
Stronger Together Stronger Together Stronger Together \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Peer Mentor Karen Hilliard, surviving spouse of Lt. Cmdr. Jeffrey A. Hilliard, and Sherry Jennings-Kevianne, surviving spouse of Sgt. Julian Kevianne, are decidedly two very different women. Karen, pictured on the left, describes Sherry as artistic and creative, while Sherry, on the right, says Karen is logical and business-like. But their differences matter little when they lean on each other’s strengths for ongoing support
The Seesaw of Resilience and Vulnerability The Seesaw of Resilience and Vulnerability The Seesaw of Resilience and Vulnerability \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” — Criss Jami As you journey through your naturally complicated and painful grief, you are probably being buoyed by—and perhaps also dismayed by—your resilience. After all, here you are. You may not have thought it possible at first, but you have indeed survived. Military fami
Choosing Joy Choosing Joy Choosing Joy Carlene Cross This article was published in the Fall 2017 Issue of the TAPS Magazine. “I regret to inform you…” the chaplain began. In an instant, my life fell apart on July 13, 2008. I was sucked into blackness. Panic engulfed me in waves, blinding me and destroying all logical thinking. I ran to a picture of Jason holding an Afghan child and hugged it to my chest. A world without my son could never be real. It was unimaginable. For months, my face was blood
Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Gloria Horsley Military families know resilience. Moves from base to base and long deployments can weigh on the family unit. But, for grade schoolers, constantly leaving friends and starting new schools where they don’t know anyone is an additional pressure. On top of that, when a family member or loved one is lost in the military, there is an incredible amount of trauma. Maybe your child has to change schools after you’ve
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite TAPS Activities Saturday Morning Message: Favorite TAPS Activities Saturday Morning Message: Favorite TAPS Activities Carol Lane Good morning, When attending a TAPS event, many things stand out, but this week survivors were asked to write about some of their favorites. For me, the best part of any TAPS event is meeting in person those of you who participate in the Saturday Morning Message either through writing or reading it. I look forward to connecting with you again. Questions and songs are the backbo
Saturday Morning Message: How Does Grief Affect Your Work? Saturday Morning Message: How Does Grief Affect Your Work? Saturday Morning Message: How Does Grief Affect Your Work? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This picture is a flower from a cherry tree in Washington, D.C., taken this past March by Benjamin Shaul, who is a friend of Kelly, sister of Samuel. I wanted the readers of the Saturday Morning Message to be able to gaze at it while they listened to the beautiful song of the week that Mikiko, spouse of Demond, contributed. Would you like t
Bonds of Friendship Nurture Healing Bonds of Friendship Nurture Healing Bonds of Friendship Nurture Healing Jonathan Kirkendall After months of preparation, phone calls and staff meetings, staff and volunteers flew in from every corner of the country for the final push to make ready for the 22nd Annual National Good Grief Camp. In one day, we were operational and ready to welcome the almost 1000 children, mentors and volunteers showing up for the Good Grief Camp in Arlington, Virginia. However, before the campers arrived, ou
When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning "When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning" "When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning" TAPS Looking for a book to read that can provide encouragement and hope as you continue on your grief journey? Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., a renowned expert on the topic of healing in grief, has written a new book about honoring your soulmate and your grief as you find a path to purpose and joy. Read an excerpt from “When Your Soulmate Dies:” Grief is everything
Feeling My Way Through Grief Feeling My Way Through Grief Feeling My Way Through Grief Betty Ann Rutledge "Grief is not, as I thought, a state, but a process. Like a walk in a winding valley which gives you a new landscape every few miles." ~ C.S. Lewis I learned a long time ago that there is no way around grief. Can’t climb over it, can’t crawl under it and, as clever as I’ve tried to be, no way to sneak around it. The only way through grief is…through it. For the newly bereaved (and for anyone who is in a “hit of
The Calendar of Grief The Calendar of Grief The Calendar of Grief Marilyn Collins While cleaning out the top of the closet in the front hall this summer, I saw a box I didn’t recognize way back in the corner. I had just discovered the long lost television remote on top of it. Why would someone put the remote in the hall closet? Now, my memory is not what it once was, but I am pretty sure we never had the TV by the front door. I took down the box and saw that it was addressed to me, but had never been opened. Th
Why Rituals Help Us Mourn…and Heal Why Rituals Help Us Mourn…and Heal Why Rituals Help Us Mourn…and Heal \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt I often say that when words are inadequate, we should turn to ritual. Nowhere is this more true or important than after someone we love has died. In this article, I will explain why rituals are essential and how you can continue to use the power of ritual to help yourself and your family heal, even long after the death and funeral. What is a ritual? Rituals are symbolic activities that help us, toget
Love and Grief Love and Grief Love and Grief Alan Wolfelt Living as You Were Meant to Live “We are all mirrors unto one another. Look into me and you will find something of yourself as I will of you.” ~ Walter Rinder Love is a sacred partnership of communion with another human being. You take each other in, and even when you are apart, you are together. Wherever you go, you carry the person inside you. Communion means the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially on a spiritual l
The Holidays Are Here Again The Holidays Are Here Again The Holidays Are Here Again Jill Harrington-LaMorie For survivors who have experienced the death of a loved one, the shadow of grief often darkens the weeks from Thanksgiving through New Year’s Day. The holidays can be a less than welcome time of year for those who have lost a loved one, sometimes one of dreaded anticipation and relieved conclusion. Because they have lost a loved one, grievers find themselves dreading the holidays. SUGGESTIONS FOR MANAGING THE S
Exercise can Help your Grieving Heart Exercise can Help your Grieving Heart Exercise can Help your Grieving Heart Jackie Syverson Have you ever heard of the “runner’s high”? Ever wonder why people who exercise regularly seem to be in a good mood and have an extra bounce in their step? That they never seem to get sick? Is it just that these people have such amazing lives that they feel motivated to exercise and keep in shape? How can we possibly ever hope to achieve that status when we have suffered such an incredible loss?
A Father’s Promise A Father’s Promise A Father’s Promise \| TAPS Robert Gilbert "Brimfield Fire F-82 to RMH on the HEAR frequency, I'm en route 'hot' to your location with a 34-year-old female, full-term second pregnancy, with contractions less than five minutes apart, and my ETA is less than four minutes to your ER!" That was my radio transmission as I raced Robert’s mom, Catherine, to Robinson Memorial Hospital (RMH), as an EMT-I and firefighter. Upon arrival, the RMH Police parked my vehicle; Catherine was r
The Story Behind the Wheel of Aaron’s Car The Story Behind the Wheel of Aaron’s Car The Story Behind the Wheel of Aaron’s Car \| TAPS Jim Gennock My son, SPC Aaron J. Rathmann, U.S. Army 82nd Airborne, was stationed at Fort Liberty, North Carolina when he was taken from us in a motorcycle accident. Aaron had video-chatted me the day of his passing from a local car show to show me a truck he knew I would love. Moments after hanging up from that chat, Aaron was gone. Aaron grew up watching my friends and me build custom vehicles and h
TAPS Togethers: Friendsgiving TAPS Togethers: Friendsgiving Friendsgiving for Surviving Military Families \| TAPS Even in the strange, imperfect world of grief, we find compassion, gratitude, and community all around us — three concepts at the heart of the Thanksgiving holiday. In the spirit of Thanksgiving, we invite you to join us this November for the 3rd Annual TAPS Togethers: Friendsgiving event series by hosting or attending a gathering in your local area. These events will be held all across the country, throughou
Agency Over Agent Orange Agency Over Agent Orange Agency Over Agent Orange \| TAPS Claire Henline “Hey ‘CG’ Can I get you anything?” It was the question my dad always asked me when I was really sick. The kind of sick he could tell just by the look of me — a crumpled up little lump of ginger lethargy on the couch with my woobie — was not just the ‘7 to 2 get out of school flu’ I sometimes came down with. It came in a tone of deep sincerity and earnest determination to fix it however best he could. His hea
Leaving a Mark on History Leaving a Mark on History Leaving a Mark on History \| TAPS Matt Davison In serving incarcerated veterans, I formed bonds with warriors who took part in wars spanning Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf War. One vet, who is incarcerated at the Federal Correctional Institution at Terminal Island, California, precedes all these wars and has become a valued friend over the past five years. Because of confidentiality issues, I will not give his complete name, but will refer to him simply as Rene. This is
A 9/11 Reflection: TAPS at the Pentagon Family Assistance Center A 9/11 Reflection: TAPS at the Pentagon Family Assistance Center A 9/11 Reflection: TAPS at the Pentagon Family Assistance Center Bonnie Carroll On September 11, 2001, the TAPS Families watched along with the rest of the world as the unthinkable tragedy unfolded. As military survivors, there was an immediate realization that the mission of the American Armed Forces would change profoundly after that day. Bonnie Carroll, TAPS President and Founder, was serving as an Air Force Reserve Officer
The Game of Life The Game of Life The Game of Life \| TAPS Joel Fish Robert Delaney The coronavirus crisis has disrupted our individual and collective life rhythms. Rhythm generally means a movement marked by the regulated succession of strong and weak elements, or of opposite/different conditions – and we all know there is a rhythm to our professional and personal lives as well. The term “life-work-balance” has been a corporate mantra since the 1980s, which for decades has caused the rolling of eyes since folk
Where the Music Began: The Inspiring Stories Behind Love Lives On Where the Music Began: The Inspiring Stories Behind Love Lives On Where the Music Began: The Inspiring Stories Behind Love Lives On \| TAPS TAPS "Love Lives On" is an album dedicated to the men and women who served and died in defense of America’s freedom. The songs included in this powerful collection share an honest message of courage, perseverance, and love. They are a vivid reminder of the guardians of our freedom and a reminder that the family also serves. Ten stories, ten families. V
Saturday Morning Message: Making a Difference With TAPS Events Saturday Morning Message: Making a Difference With TAPS Events Saturday Morning Message: Making a Difference With TAPS Events \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Since our question this week is about TAPS events, and those who responded covered many of them, I thought showing a picture of American TAPS survivors meeting in 2016 in the United Kingdom might be helpful to show that TAPS also travels to other countries. If you want to attend an event from your own living room, I suggest the chats
Saturday Morning Message: Meaningful Objects Saturday Morning Message: Meaningful Objects Saturday Morning Message: Meaningful Objects \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote about items that celebrate the love they have for their special people. Some told about items that were worn by their loved ones while others wrote about objects they bought or were given to them by those who wanted to show their care. The picture comes from Charlene, mother of Devin. I thought you would enjoy reading why the picture sh
Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, With the winter touching many parts of our nation, I thought a picture of a sunrise over a calm lake would be good start for today’s Saturday Morning Message. Once again there are many different responses to the question about places that pull at our heartstrings. This week I am going to add one of my own. For me, the most difficult place is the ch
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories, Big and Small Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories, Big and Small Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories, Big and Small \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture today was sent by Samantha, fiancé of Preston. I thought it was a great way to open today’s Saturday Morning Message because they look like they are having a great time. Read more about Preston below. I will keep my comments short, so you will have time to read the many memories that have been shared. Remember, you
The Unbroken Chain The Unbroken Chain The Unbroken Chain \| TAPS Emily Munoz A Commitment to Legacies, Each Other, and to "Making It" It was August 1, 1971, and David Scott and James Irwin were ending their workday on the moon. They were finishing up experiments and facing what probably was, for astronauts of that era, a terribly difficult moment – parting with a one-of-a-kind flashy sports car (in this case, a moon rover). While the mission itself involved highly specialized skills, precision calculations, an
Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Dreams not only come at night, but sometimes on a warm sunny day, we can be relaxing and fall into a gentle sleep, so that is why I chose this picture. The responders this week talk about a variety of times their loved ones came to them in a dream and the feelings around it. I know you will enjoy the replies that came in answer to this week’s question. Remember, you can write to
Saturday Morning Message: Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Introductions \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Since this week the Saturday Morning Message topic is about introductions, I thought I would open with a picture of my son, Bryon, doing what he loved to do. He was a crew chief on USMC helicopters. You can see by the smile on his face that he loved it. I am going to keep my comments short this week, because there were so many wonderful memories that were shared. Please enjoy this
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Book Thoughts Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Book Thoughts Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Book Thoughts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, The topic this week came from reading the article in the latest TAPS Magazine and on the TAPS blog about five books written by survivors. This got me thinking about writing a book to honor our loved ones and that became the subject for this week’s message. Some of the contributions are about books that have already been written or how the love of books was shared, w
Saturday Morning Message: TAPS National Seminar Highlights Saturday Morning Message: TAPS National Seminar Highlights Saturday Morning Message: TAPS National Seminar Highlights \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, There are so many things to do at the TAPS seminars, but the one thing to which I most look forward is meeting others whom I only know from computer connections. Working from home on the chats and with the Saturday Morning Message and Writers’ Circle Newsletter, I don’t meet those I contact in person until that seminar. It is a thrill to person
Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton What happened? Why did he do it? The answers to the questions are complex. When someone we love dies by suicide, it can be overwhelming and confusing, and bring with it many emotions and questions. Those affected by suicide often struggle with how, and if, their life will ever fit back together again. More than anybody, it is the suicide loss survivor who is left with endless “whys” and
You are Warmly Welcome to Join Us on Memorial Day Weekend 2019 You are Warmly Welcome to Join Us on Memorial Day Weekend 2019 Join us on Memorial Day Weekend 2019 \| TAPS TAPS Just as the stars brighten the night, our TAPS family brings light into the darkness of grief. At the 25th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp, we’ll focus on the light of the love we have shared and continue to share. We’ll look more deeply into our own processes, reflect on our strengths, learn how we can give and accept support, and contemplate how
Children’s Books for the Summer Children’s Books for the Summer Children’s Books for the Summer Cheryl Kreutter By and large, the books reviewed here describe how empathy (an emotion) prompts compassion (an action). Each will appeal in different ways to different readers at different times. Characters are identifiable and real, and illustrations appropriately support the story, theme or concept. Most importantly, these are books that invite readers to discuss their own thoughts and feelings about loss as well as consider wa
Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Emily Munoz Author Bill Bryson wrote a book called “I’m A Stranger Here, Myself,” which chronicles his re-entry into American culture after living in the United Kingdom for 20 years. While the book isn’t about grief, it is about change and what happens when the world around us changes without our consent or awareness. Sometimes we become strangers to ourselves. Doesn't it often feel, especially in early grief, as t
The Journey of Hope Never Ends The Journey of Hope Never Ends The Journey of Hope Never Ends Linda Ambard I am surprised at how much grief feels like fear. Nothing has felt the same since April 27, 2011. I spent my entire adult life following Phil around the world. First, I lived in his shadow and then the shadow of my children. Don't get me wrong, I loved being the glue that held our family together. I was the positive cheerleader standing behind my family. It was a comfortable role that I never saw ending. Living in t
The Richard Tree: Never Forgotten The Richard Tree: Never Forgotten The Richard Tree: Never Forgotten Ester Allgower Christmas 2010 came four short months after the death of my 29-year-old son, Cpl. Richard Allgower. As the holiday approached, neither my husband, daughter nor I could find any Christmas spirit. In fact, we wanted desperately to avoid the sadness we felt as everyone around us was wrapped up in holiday planning. We needed to get away from the pervasive joy in the air this time of year. What could we do to av
The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief Emily Munoz Traveling the country to host Regional Seminars, the TAPS team hears about the sense of freedom that comes from connecting with other people who understand. At TAPS events, you can be yourself – the armor can come off; the mask can fall away. As this happens, our bonds as a TAPS family strengthen and grow. And then, Sunday rolls around, and with it comes the real world – and some of us need that armor back. We don’t want to send you ho
Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Betsy Beard Since October of 2000 when the first Run and Remember Team of two runners raised nearly five thousand dollars, fundraising has been a part of the team’s efforts on behalf of TAPS. Not only do TAPS runners spend time training for the event, but they also use their skills and ingenuity to raise awareness and raise funds in support of the TAPS mission. Some runners run only
The Spiritual Path to Healing, Part 1 The Spiritual Path to Healing, Part 1 The Spiritual Path to Healing, Part 1 Alan Wolfelt Editor’s Note: The death of a loved one challenges us in many areas including our religious and spiritual beliefs. While spirituality and religious tradition help many who are grieving, TAPS does not endorse any one spiritual belief or religion over another. After the death of someone loved, you are “torn apart” and have some very unique needs. Among these needs is to nurture yourself in five importa
How Do We Go On Without Him? How Do We Go On Without Him? How Do We Go On Without Him? Cindy Surprenant It was a cold, dreary, wet November morning in Oregon. I’d just grabbed a pair of wool socks to ward off the cold when I heard the doorbell ring. I felt a sense of panic. Anyone in our small town who knew us knew that we were usually in church Sunday morning. As I made my way down the hallway, the cold penetrated my soles and a chill coursed through me. An unfamiliar voice asked if I was home. Oddly, my husband, who ha
Winter Wallowing Winter Wallowing Winter Wallowing Darcie Sims Though winter seems to have more than its share of less than wondrous days, occasionally we have an especially down day. Some days aren't too bad. They start out kind of slowly, like a reluctant first grader, but gather momentum as the hours flow by. Some days get a jump-start on me. By the time I hit the shower, I'm functioning without feeling, so much like those early foggy days of grief. Those are the days when hot cocoa and a bowl of st
Family Camp: California California Family Camp TAPS California Surviving Military Family Camp TAPS is honored to partner with Camp Bob Waldorf to host our 2025 Youth Programs California Family Camp! About Family Camps TAPS Family Camps provide a setting where the entire family unites throughout the weekend to build communication, broaden understanding, and learn to support each other. All family members attending this event will spend the weekend creating special opportunities by participating in
Family Camp: Georgia Georgia Family Camp TAPS Georgia Surviving Military Family Camp TAPS is honored to once again partner with Camp Southern Ground to host our 2025 Youth Programs Georgia Family Camp! About Family Camps TAPS Family Camps provide a setting where families build communication, broaden understanding, and learn to support each other. All family members attending this event spend the weekend creating special opportunities by participating in a combination of family group projects, p
Seminar: Southern Southern Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Southern Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS SEMINAR DETAILS FOR ADULTS: TAPS SEMINAR FOR YOUTH: GOOD GRIEF CAMP CHILD CARE LEGACY/MILITARY MENTOR PEER MENTOR TRAINING SCHEDULE and SESSIONS SEMINAR FEES LODGING and TRANSPORTATION REGISTRATION DETAILS For Adults: TAPS Seminars TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adul
Family Camp: Texas Texas Family Camp TAPS Texas Surviving Military Family Camp Find comfort and support for your family while surrounded by the healing powers of nature at our TAPS Family Camp. About Family Camps Family camps allow your family to step away from the stresses of daily life, learn about your individual grief journey as well as how to grieve as a family and give you tools for the path ahead. TAPS Family Camp provides a setting for building communication, understanding, and supp
Friendsgiving 2023 TAPS Friendsgiving for Surviving Military Families Friendsgiving for Surviving Military Families \| TAPS Host a TAPS Friendsgiving SPECIAL NOTE: All of our host spots have been filled for the 2023 TAPS Friendsgiving; however, you can still submit your ideas for hosting survivors at TAPS Togethers in your local community! If you would like to learn more about future opportunities like our TAPS Friendsgiving initiative, email tapstogethers@taps.org and we'll be sure to keep you updated. W
Retreats: Montana Montana Romantic Partners Retreat Montana Romantic Partners Retreat \| TAPS Health Guidelines: TAPS will make every effort to ensure safe and healthy gatherings. We will continue to monitor COVID variants and may require testing onsite and/or other protocols based on local regulations and CDC guidance. At this time, we do not require proof of full vaccination and masks are optional. Should we have to make any changes you will be notified right away. TAPS Adult Programs warmly invites you t
Family Camp: Ohio Ohio Family Adventure Camp Featuring Family Adventure Racing with G.R.I.T. TAPS Ohio Surviving Military Family Adventure Camp This unique TAPS experience partners with G.R.I.T. Adventures (Generating Resilience Independence and Tenacity) for a special weekend at Camp Ho Mita Koda that will include a Family Adventure Race. Families with children within the suggested age range of 7 to 18 years old will participate in a program that will challenge them mentally and physically, while focusing on
Friendsgiving 2022 TAPS Friendsgiving for Surviving Military Families Friendsgiving for Surviving Military Families \| TAPS SPECIAL NOTE: All of our host spots have been filled for the 2022 TAPS Friendsgiving; however, you can still submit your ideas for hosting survivors at TAPS Togethers in your local community! If you would like to learn more about future opportunities like our TAPS Friendsgiving initiative, email tapstogethers@taps.org and we'll be sure to keep you updated. We are grateful for your will
Retreats: North Carolina Blue Ridge Mountains Women's Empowerment Retreat Blue Ridge Mountains Women's Empowerment Retreat \| TAPS In accordance with the most current information available, as of May 1, 2022, TAPS is lifting the requirement to provide proof of full vaccination to attend in-person events. We will continue to monitor COVID variants and we may adjust protocols to ensure safe and healthy gatherings. These adjustments could once again include requiring proof of full vaccination and/or a negative COVID tes
Webinar: A Conversation on Loss & Resilience in a Life of Adventure Webinar: A Conversation on Loss & Resilience in a Life of Adventure A Conversation on Loss & Resilience in a Life of Adventure Webinar \| TAPS Institute Eastern Join the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) Expedition team members and survivors Rachel Hunsell and Gabriel Rao and two world-class explorers, Vern Tejas and Will Gadd, as we navigate conversations around life, loss, and resilience in a life of adventure. We will dive into personal stories and adventures to recount the expe
Youth: TAPS Teen Canoeing Adventure TAPS Teen Canoeing Adventure with Outward Bound TAPS Military Teen Canoeing Adventure with Outward Bound Adventure This summer TAPS will going on a new adventure with Outward Bound for a Canoeing expedition. Teens ages 14 to 16 years old who have lost a parent/guardian or sibling will transverse America's iconic water wonders to navigate their grief journey, to increase personal growth, and build lasting relationships with their peers. Space is limited for this event, so parents please complet
Youth: TAPS Teen Kayaking Adventure TAPS Teen Kayaking Adventure with Outward Bound TAPS Military Teen Kayaking Adventure with Outward Bound Adventure This summer TAPS will be going on a new adventure with Outward Bound for a Sea Kayaking expedition. Teens ages 16-18 years old who have lost a parent/guardian or sibling will transverse America’s iconic water wonders to navigate their grief journey, to increase personal growth, and build lasting relationships with their peers. Space is limited for this event, so parents please
Inner Warrior: California Triathlon Team Training Camp TAPS Triathlon Team Training Camp for Military Survivors All adult survivors 18 and older are invited to join TAPS for our Triathlon Team Training Camp. If you've set a goal to complete a triathlon this year, we can help! Bring your bike, swimsuit and running shoes to sunny California to build your triathlon skills. Hosted by TAPS staff and professional triathlon coach Mark van Akkeren, the Triathlon Team Training Camp will help participants become more comfortab
Inner Warrior: Maryland TAPS Intro to Running Training Camp TAPS Intro to Running Training Camp for Military Survivors All adult survivors 18 and older are invited to join TAPS for our Intro to Running Training Camp. The TAPS Inner Warrior Program will help you find and connect with a part of you that’s committed not just to surviving, but thriving. We’ll build resolve and courage and get stronger every day. Overview Running is about more than just moving forward — it’s about training your mind, learning how to
Retreat: West Virginia West Virginia All Populations Retreat TAPS West Virginia Surviving Military All Populations Retreat Registration is closed. All adult survivors 18 and older grieving the loss of a loved one who served in the Armed Forces are warmly invited to join TAPS for our West Virginia All Populations Retreat. The grief journey takes you out of your comfort zone. But when you see that others share this journey, you can find new ways to grow and heal with a little more confidence. Step away from t
Self-Funded Travel: Cruise to Mexico TAPS Cruise to Mexico TAPS Cruise to Mexico All aboard! You’ve asked, and we’ve listened. TAPS is thrilled to announce the launch of one of the most requested trips by survivors — a TAPS cruise. Royal Caribbean is offering a special group rate to a limited number of TAPS families for a four-night cruise from Tampa, Florida, to Cozumel, Mexico, on the Brilliance of the Seas cruise ship. The Brilliance of the Seas is loaded with different activities for everyone. Foodies can spend their tim
Youth: TAPS and Outward Bound Teen Adventure TAPS and Outward Bound Teen Adventure TAPS and Outward Bound Surviving Military Teen Adventure This summer TAPS will once again join Outward Bound for a Teen Adventure hiking the Appalachian Trail. Teens ages 16-18 years old who have lost a parent/guardian or sibling will transverse America’s iconic hiking trail learning to navigate their grief journey, to increase personal growth, and build lasting relationships with their peers. Space is limited for this event, so parents please complete the
Inner Warrior: California Inner Warrior San Diego Wellness Weekend Inner Warrior Wellness Weekend Make the decision to focus on your health and wellness! Join us for a weekend of innovative movement, nutrition guidance and camaraderie at the Inner Warrior Wellness Weekend. We'll explore the body's response to stress and grief, teaching you how to release muscle tension, self-doubt and patterns of negativity. Through hands-on workshops, workouts and discussion, we'll share and practice skills for healthy living. B
Inner Warrior: Maryland Inner Warrior Baltimore Wellness Weekend Inner Warrior Wellness Weekend Already Registered? Manage My Events Make the decision to focus on your health and wellness! Join us for a weekend of innovative movement, nutrition guidance and camaraderie at the Inner Warrior Wellness Weekend. We'll explore the body's response to stress and grief, teaching you how to release muscle tension, self-doubt and patterns of negativity. Through hands-on workshops, workouts and discussion, we'll share and pr
Inner Warrior: Texas Inner Warrior San Antonio Wellness Weekend Inner Warrior Wellness Weekend Make the decision to focus on your health and wellness! Join us for a weekend of innovative movement, nutrition guidance and camaraderie at the Inner Warrior Wellness Weekend. We'll explore the body's response to stress and grief, teaching you how to release muscle tension, self-doubt and patterns of negativity. Through hands-on workshops, workouts and discussion, we'll share and practice skills for healthy living
Growing Up TAPS: The Power of Outdoor Play Growing Up TAPS: The Power of Outdoor Play Growing Up TAPS: The Power of Outdoor Play Andy McNiel Spend Time Outside to Balance Screen Time Raising children today comes with the added challenge of technology — in the form of television, computers, tablets, and phones — competing for their attention. These devices offer 24/7 access to social media, games, movies, and other forms of entertainment. While technology has improved our lives in many ways, research shows that too much screen t
Honor to Serve Honor to Serve Honor to Serve \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg At Trinity Episcopal Church in The Woodlands, Texas, you’ll find a flag retirement box that stands to collect flags that have grown too worn and weathered to continue to fly. The box tells the story of a life lived in service to others and the lasting bond between a sister and her brother. Grace Kotalik, of Scouts BSA Troop 1777 — this box’s creator — explains the symbolism behind her design: “I selected several elements for the box de
Kickin 2 Stay Kickin 2 Stay Kickin 2 Stay \| TAPS Jennifer Milling Surviving Family Hosts a Kickball Tournament to Spread Suicide Awareness Following Their Own Loss My father died by suicide on September 13, 2022, his grandson’s birthday. In the wake of this traumatic loss, we were left with so many unanswered questions — the swirling “why” questions, of course, but there were others. What were we supposed to do next? Who could help us? Who would direct us on this “new normal” path we were suddenly w
5 Ways TAPS Supports Military and Veteran Survivors 5 Ways TAPS Supports Military and Veteran Survivors 5 Ways TAPS Supports Military and Veteran Survivors \| TAPS TAPS The 24 somber notes of taps sounded at the conclusion of a military funeral mark the end of a life lived in service to the United States. You don’t need to know the hero being laid to rest to be moved by the 24 notes, but those who knew this hero well — those in the midst of grief over the loss of not only a patriot, but a child, partner, parent, sibling, beloved family member,
About Love About Love About Love \| TAPS Jason Stout As I was walking through the grocery store this evening and past the shelves stocked with Valentine's gifts, I looked at the calendar on my phone, and it occurred to me that the anniversary of my dad’s death was coming up. Standing in that aisle and shuffling through the candy, stuffed animals, and cards got me thinking about grief, relationships, and my own journey through both. It was this week, 37 years ago, on a frigid Sunday morning, that my you
From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat \| TAPS Chris Meeker Expectations In June, I had the privilege of attending the TAPS Massachusetts Men’s Retreat — my first TAPS retreat. My expectations of fitting in or finding connections among the group were honestly very low. My background — my loss — sets me apart from the typical Men’s Program retreat attendees because I am a widower. And, as a widower, my home support ba
Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting \| TAPS Sandy Isom Editor's Note: The TAPS Wall of Heroes is a fixture at every National Military Survivor Seminar. The wall — a display of tiles, each featuring the photo of a fallen hero whose loved one is in attendance — is prominently displayed in the center of activity at the seminar. Throughout each day of the event, attendees, staff, volunteers, and guests pass by the wall — sometimes turning their heads for grateful glances, other
Poppy Field Poppy Field Poppy Field \| TAPS Joan Donaldson When our son, the late SGT Mateo Donaldson was in high school, he and his brother, Carlos, maintained a bee business of 100 hives. The bees pollinated our blooming blueberry bushes, and our sons also rented their hives to a pumpkin farmer. During a family discussion, the lads explained how after the spring flowers and orchards bloomed, a nectar valley limited their bees from finding adequate food. We tossed out various solutions, and after researc
Saluting Service and Sacrifice: Gillette, NFL Team Up for TAPS Saluting Service and Sacrifice: Gillette, NFL Team Up for TAPS Saluting Service and Sacrifice: Gillette, NFL Team Up for TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg From the outside looking in, the death of a military service member is a moment — one unimaginably difficult day on a calendar page for a grieving family. This loss is eventually paved over by a new normal, and life goes on for the fallen hero’s family. But the view is much different at the center of the loss — it’s so much more than a single day;
Spend Friendsgiving with Your TAPS Family Spend Friendsgiving with Your TAPS Family Spend Friendsgiving with Your TAPS Family \| TAPS Betty Medlock For many of us, celebrating the holidays after the loss of a loved one is the last thing we want to do. Every commercial, Facebook post, and trip to the store reminds us of what we’ve lost — the loss of future celebrations, the loss of future hopes. While the world promotes a Normal Rockwell image of Thanksgiving with a bounty of friends and family gathered around the table, we mourn the e
The Outhouse at Minus 23 Degrees Fahrenheit The Outhouse at Minus 23 Degrees Fahrenheit The Outhouse at Minus 23 Degrees Fahrenheit \| TAPS Benjamin Wolfe Editor's Note: As the mercury rises and signs of rebirth and regrowth sprout up from the same ground that was cold and dormant just days ago, we turn our faces toward the sunshine and prepare for the warmth ahead of us. TAPS Advisory Board Member Benjamin Wolfe reminds us in the words that follow that there is no wrong time or place to reflect on our past experiences and prepare our h
Tips for Getting Through the Holidays Tips for Getting Through the Holidays Tips for Getting Through the Holidays \| TAPS TAPS Holiday cheer and merrymaking can be everywhere this time of year, but for those grieving the loss of a loved one, the holiday season can be filled with emotional twists and turns. The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) would like to offer the following tips to help those who are grieving the death of a loved one this holiday season. Acknowledge the change Recognize that the holi
Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays \| TAPS TAPS Andy McNiel As the holiday season unfolds, it brings a unique mix of emotions for children grappling with the loss of a loved one. Amidst the festive decorations and cheerful gatherings, these young hearts might find themselves in a whirlwind of sadness and joy, often struggling to make sense of these conflicting feelings. But we're here to help. Here are some comforting tips and i
Continuing the Legacy of Love Continuing the Legacy of Love Continuing the Legacy of Love \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk You may have heard it said that to love someone means to forever have a piece of your heart existing outside of your body. When that person dies, it can naturally leave us feeling a lack of wholeness. That hole in our hearts calls out to us and can only be occupied by the person who created it because it is shaped just like him or her. Honoring the love and life that created this space in your heart doesn't m
Healing After a Suicide Loss Healing After a Suicide Loss Healing After a Suicide Loss \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Editor's Note: This excerpt is from pages 29 - 31 of From Grief to Growth: Healing After a Suicide Loss For those who are grieving a loved one who died by suicide, TAPS is here to support you. The grief one experiences after a suicide can differ from other kinds of loss, with many challenging factors. The intense sorrow and pain can feel overwhelming, and the mixed emotions can be conflicting and
Re-Creating Holiday Traditions Re-Creating Holiday Traditions Re-Creating Holiday Traditions \| TAPS Tina Barrett Ideas for Families Facing Very Different Holidays Holidays can be stressful, even during the best of times. For families grieving a loved one, significant dates hold even more emotional intensity and complexity. Reminders of the season — lights, music, decorations, and gift-giving — may seem out of sync with internal feelings or may trigger painful memories for families facing a very different holiday.
Spring Transformation Spring Transformation Spring Transformation \| TAPS Jason Stout “No matter how long the winter, spring is sure to follow.” - Proverb I love Spring. It’s the season of new beginnings and transformation. New buds bloom and the air turns sweet, leaving behind the shorter days and longer nights of winter. Gradually, the silent winter mornings fill with the sound of birds chirping. I can’t help but follow suit. My winter habit of a sluggish morning exit from bed turns into a race to get out and a
Navigating Conversations around Grief and the Holidays Navigating Conversations around Grief and the Holidays Navigating Conversations around Grief and the Holidays \| TAPS Rachel Kodanaz Most conversations between two or more people are casual and engaged to exchange ideas, thoughts, or emotions. In most cases, discussions are straightforward and timely– based on current events, shared experiences, or future planning. However, navigating, and often tiptoeing, around conversations during the holiday season is essential to remain conscientious of t
Saturday Morning Message: May is a Month of Remembrance Saturday Morning Message: May is a Month of Remembrance May is a Month of Remembrance \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, You are in our hearts as we step into May. With the whole nation around us contemplating military appreciation this month, we hold close a reverence that comes from personal sacrifice. While we don’t want others to know such sacrifice, we hope to spread awareness of how Americans can truly appreciate those who have served and given their lives to our countr
The Threshold Season The Threshold Season The Threshold Season \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell “When I think about what the wild is like in the winter, I find myself coming back to the old phrase ‘in the face of having little control over the wild, you can only prepare for it.’ While hiking a trail you have a warm jacket ready for the unforeseen weather, knowing you can put it on, but remembering to take it off when you get too warm. Winter can teach us to prepare for navigating all conditions.” ~ Tony Paz, Director, TAP
Dad Left Us a Lifetime of Memories Dad Left Us a Lifetime of Memories Dad Left Us a Lifetime of Memories \| TAPS Caroline Banholzer Kate Banholzer In May of 2014 our dad, Dave Banholzer, was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme, a terminal form of primary brain cancer. Within a matter of seconds, we knew our lives would never be “normal” again. Following his diagnosis, he lived with cancer for 28 months. During his remaining time, he attempted to give us a lifetimes worth of memories and lessons that we still cherish to this d
Favorite Foods - Precious Memories Favorite Foods - Precious Memories Favorite Foods - Precious Memories \| TAPS TAPS Winter and the holiday season bring thoughts of foods that offer warmth, comfort, and remind us of cherished times with family, friends, and loved ones. Survivors recently shared some of their loved ones’ favorite dishes. These may inspire you – or make you hungry. Grab a fork and dive into these culinary delights! Angel Cheese Pie, photo courtesy of Samantha Herter. Samantha Herter, Surviving Sister of
Honor in Every Season Honor in Every Season Honor in Every Season \| TAPS Allison Gilbert Excerpt from “Passed and Present – Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive” It is possible to look forward, to live a rich and joyful life, while keeping the memory of loved ones alive. There is no reason why remembering should be limited to a particular season or date on the calendar. Packing away your feelings until the “right” time of year honors neither your feelings nor your relationship. Celebrating your loved one can ha
Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In my area of the country, fall is coming. This week’s question, combined with the leaves beginning to change color, made me think of a habit I still do that started with my son, Bryon, playing football in high school. Although I didn’t know much about the sport before he decided to play, I learned the names of many plays and what each player
Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, My resolution comes from the many years I have been connected with TAPS. I look forward to working with all of you and welcome you to the new year of Saturday Morning Messages. My resolution this year is to attend more TAPS events, so I can get to know some of you in person. I know you will enjoy reading survivors’ resolutions in this week’s edition.
Saturday Morning Message: BBQ, Apple Pie and other Foods that Remind Us of Love Saturday Morning Message: BBQ, Apple Pie and other Foods that Remind Us of Love BBQ, Apple Pie and other Foods that Remind Us of Love \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sharing food that our loved ones liked is the topic for today’s Saturday Morning Message, because today is Culinarians’ Day. The opening picture comes from an article in the TAPS archives titled "Love in the Kitchen" written by Rita, mother of James Shawn. She writes that she and her son liked to cook
Saturday Morning Message: Celebrating Our Great Country Saturday Morning Message: Celebrating Our Great Country Celebrating Our Great Country \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Today we are celebrating July 4th by virtually traveling. The opening picture is the front of one of the hotels that housed the TAPS 24th National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Arlington, Virginia. In addition to the beautiful flag and flowers, the link shows pictures of the activities that happened at that seminar. We hope you will enjoy
Saturday Morning Message: Events that have the Power to Heal Saturday Morning Message: Events that have the Power to Heal Saturday Morning Message: Events that have the Power to Heal \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, TAPS has many events throughout the year. This picture shows survivors at a Brooklyn Nets practice. Visit the TAPS events calendar to see which upcoming TAPS Events are interesting to you. No matter which ones you choose to attend, the support you will find is comforting, as you will read in the responses survivors share this week. Reme
Saturday Morning Message: Gotcha! Survivors share the pranks their loved ones pulled off Saturday Morning Message: Gotcha! Survivors share the pranks their loved ones pulled off Gotcha! Survivors share the pranks their loved ones pulled off \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, This picture comes from Sue, mother of Marcus. It shows the glint in her son’s eyes as he surprised the family wearing a Santa hat. This seemed to be the perfect opening for this week’s Saturday Morning Message with the topic of pranks. At this time of uncertainty, I am glad to share me
Saturday Morning Message: Healing Through Gardening Saturday Morning Message: Healing Through Gardening Healing Through Gardening \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning The flowers in the opening picture are daylilies from my garden. The daylily is an amazing plant. It goes through the coldest winters in the northern part of our country and even a spring without much rain. Then one day you look out the window and see the beautiful flowers. They remind me of the survivors at TAPS. We go through the toughest circumstances
Saturday Morning Message: Knacks That Our Loved Ones Had Saturday Morning Message: Knacks That Our Loved Ones Had Knacks That Our Loved Ones Had \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, This week’s opening picture is a turkey pin a friend made for me. She really has a knack for making cute jewelry and with Thanksgiving right around the corner, it seemed perfect. I hope it brings a smile to your face. Sharing some of the knacks our loved ones had gives us a unique picture into who they were. When we meet each other at a T
Saturday Morning Message: Making a positive difference during a difficult time Saturday Morning Message: Making a positive difference during a difficult time Making a positive difference during a difficult time \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, As you follow the stay at home request, there needs to be something positive to do to help with the feelings of isolation you may have from being away from your normal social routine. Today I want to share some of the ways I connect with others. Through technology, TAPS provides ways for us to connect to
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Special Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Special Memories Sharing Special Memories \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In this week's message, the responders share delightful memories of their loved ones. These thoughts put a smile on my face as I read them and I hope you will also enjoy them. Sharing memories of our loved ones with others who understand brings joy to our hearts and makes TAPS such a special group. Prior to the pandemic, many of us went to seminars in pers
Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on Napping Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on Napping Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on Napping \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Survivors find that sleep can be difficult when grieving. Sometimes taking a nap can be helpful especially when sleep escapes us during the night. Napping is one of the things we naturally do as children, but not as adults. I have found it helpful when I have had a rough night or I need to stay up later than usual, like when I moderate a TAPS online chat. Napping isn’t
Saturday Morning Message: When Sleep Is Hard to Find Saturday Morning Message: When Sleep Is Hard to Find When Sleep Is Hard to Find \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In this week’s Saturday Morning Message, survivors share strategies which help them when they are unable to sleep. When trauma comes into our lives, it throws our normal patterns into a tailspin. We have all been working with not only our individual grief, but also the National upset when COVID-19 came into our lives. Recently, I was having trouble sleep
Sharing Love One Mask at a Time Sharing Love One Mask at a Time Sharing Love One Mask at a Time \| TAPS Terri Jones Photo courtesy of Terri Jones. You see face masks everywhere these days. What used to be reserved for the medical community has become commonplace in our daily lives. And as we often see when a challenge arises, our nation has sprung into action to help fill a need. Companies that had normal production halted due to the coronavirus started making masks. And in homes across America, sewing machines be
'TAPStoo' Tells the Story of the Families Left Behind 'TAPStoo' Tells the Story of the Families Left Behind 'TAPStoo' Tells the Story of the Families Left Behind \| TAPS Kevin Penn “If what you’re doing requires no sacrifice, then you can do more.” That’s a phrase I heard once and it really stuck with me. And more than that, it guides, if not provoke, most decisions I make on a daily basis. I ask myself frequently if what I’m about to do is going to improve the lives of others, especially of those I care about most. And there are few in this worl
The Power to Choose Hope The Power to Choose Hope The Power to Choose Hope \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff On a recent morning, I did everything the work-from-home experts told me to do. I got up, changed clothes, brushed my teeth, combed my hair. I even put on a little makeup. I went about my routine: settling into the new normal, preparing myself for a day of spreadsheets. Listening to the news as I made my coffee. Allowing the details of this devastating pandemic to wash over me. Shielding myself in the embrace of avoi
Three Years Into The After Three Years Into The After Three Years Into The After \| TAPS Kelly Lennon Fitzpatrick It's three years into the ‘After’ and I am not sure who or what I am writing for, but I know that each year, threads of thoughts unravel and I try to spool them back together. The feelings are so fleeting and amorphous that it's hard to categorize the instances neatly. What sticks with me is the missing-ness of my little brother. We have spent a good deal of time mourning the loss of Sergeant Owen J. Lennon
Christmas Without Chris Christmas Without Chris Christmas Without Chris \| TAPS Ami Neiberger-Miller My brother, Army Specialist Christopher Neiberger, was killed in action in Iraq in 2007 at age 22. The last time we saw him was at Christmastime when he came home from Iraq on leave eight years ago. All of the last photos of our family together and the last times we spent together were at the holidays. Photo coutesy of Dr. Richard Neiberger After his death, the holidays became very painful. We were always the kind o
Create a lasting visual legacy with the Veterans History Project Create a lasting visual legacy with the Veterans History Project Create a lasting visual legacy with the Veterans History Project \| TAPS Kerry Ward Each Memorial Day our nation remembers and honors the men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. May we never forget that all gave some, and some gave all to preserve this country. As our nation reflects on the costs of freedom, those who lost someone have an opportunity to come together and share the stories of their heroes.
Honor and Healing on the Diamond teams4taps: Honor and Healing on the Diamond Honor and Healing on the Diamond \| TAPS TAPS Baseball –– Our National Pastime Over the years we’ve cheered for our favorite teams and players. we have worn jerseys, t-shirts and caps to show our spirit and pride. baseball brings to mind cherished memories shared with friends and family. Since the inception of teams4taps in 2013, the teams, players, coaches, and fans of Major League Baseball have welcomed hundreds of TAPS families at ballparks acr
Men’s Retreat: Gather for conversation, community building and camaraderie Men’s Retreat: Gather for conversation, community building and camaraderie Men’s Retreat: Gather for conversation, community building and camaraderie \| TAPS Gabriel Rao We are just about underway with our 2019 TAPS Houston Men’s Retreat! And Houston, we do NOT have a problem… For men who are venturing through a grief landscape that may be as unfamiliar as the moon — listen up. You don’t have to do this alone. It may feel like you have found comfort in a place of solitude, but you may actual
Peer Mentors Bring TAPS Care Groups to More Local Communities Peer Mentors Bring TAPS Care Groups to More Local Communities Peer Mentors Bring TAPS Care Groups to More Local Communities \| TAPS TAPS Volunteer Peer Mentors and mental health professionals facilitated over 560 TAPS Care Groups in 2019, up from 280 groups the previous year. The dedication of these volunteers made it possible for survivors in more than 50 communities in 26 states to have the compassionate support of others who have lived through similar losses. TAPS Peer Mentors gave their t
Proactive Support for Survivors of Trauma Proactive Support for Survivors of Trauma Proactive Support for Survivors of Trauma \| TAPS Shauna Springer Editor's note: For more than 10 years, TAPS has comforted and cared for more than 11,500 surviving family members who have lost a military loved one to suicide. Each day, an average of three to four new survivors of suicide loss come to TAPS, and we welcome them with the warm embrace that can only come from those who truly understand their journey. This is the second installment in a f
Putting on My Oxygen Mask Putting on My Oxygen Mask Putting on My Oxygen Mask \| TAPS Don Lipstein A Father's Journey to Healing and Helping Others I believe we are faced with choices along our journey. Some of those choices can help us heal while others tend to slow our progress and deflate our hope of ever getting to a safe place in our journey. A common thread among the men with who I have come in contact is that we were raised to be the strong, stoic presence. We were encouraged to help everyone else before think
Ripples on a Pond Ripples on a Pond: Understanding and Coping with Secondary Loss Ripples on a Pond: Understanding and Coping with Secondary Loss \| TAPS Kenneth Doka After her son Michael died in Afghanistan, Lydia told me, “I not only lost my son, I simultaneously lost all his friends.” Lydia had not realized the almost sacred place those friends occupied in Michael’s life and her own. “Ever since grade school, they were always over. They even went on trips with us. It was a tradition that they came to our
Saturday Morning Message: Educational webinars on grief and loss Saturday Morning Message: Educational webinars on grief and loss Saturday Morning Message: Educational webinars on grief and loss \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Webinars from the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing are one of our many gifts to survivors. They can be really helpful while dealing with grief. Our live webinars are archived for those who aren't able to watch them in real time. Live ones usually include a text chat with time to ask questions of the presenter. The archived ones
Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week comes from the TAPS files. I thought it would be perfect for the 4th of July edition of the Saturday Morning Message as it has a very large US flag flown by a balloon with the TAPS inscription showing the strong connection between TAPS and our country. The 4th of July is another one of those holidays that can bring different emotions to various peopl
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quilts and Blankets Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quilts and Blankets Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quilts and Blankets \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Blankets and quilts are made to keep us warm and comfortable. Sometimes they are made after the death of a loved one by someone who cares for us. Others make these special coverings from their loved one’s clothes to ease the heartache. This week survivors share pictures of these special comforters. The opening picture comes from Perry, father of Christ
Saturday Morning Message: Feeling close to our loved ones across time and space Saturday Morning Message: Feeling close to our loved ones across time and space Saturday Morning Message: Feeling close to our loved ones across time and space \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Since this week two responders wrote about feeling close to their loved one through music, I thought opening with a picture showing musical notes with hearts might be a good way to connect and remind us of how music speaks to the love we feel for our loved ones. In addition to those who responded, I
Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture shows photos of the loved ones of those who sailed on the TAPS New England cruise. I thought it shows that our loved ones gave the gift of love just by being themselves. This week survivors share some other special presents their loved ones offered. Some are physical items and others are memories the survivors carry on to others. I know y
Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote about their loved one’s favorite foods at Thanksgiving. The opening picture came from Caryn, mother of Nathan, who wrote, “Nathan and his favorite Thanksgiving meal was always one he prepared himself, beginning with this one when he was in middle school. The last Thanksgiving meal I had was the one he cooked with his Dad in 2010.” Enjoy
Saturday Morning Message: Upcoming Holiday Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Upcoming Holiday Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Upcoming Holiday Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, One of the most powerful things that TAPS does is provide an avenue where survivors can connect and talk about their grief. The opening picture today shows two people chatting at a TAPS seminar. At the end of the Saturday Morning Message is a list of video and text chats that offer yet another way of connecting survivors. When you join a chat, you can communicate
Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, One thing that many survivors think is helpful is a listening ear. That is where our TAPS family is so special. We are just waiting to hear about your loved one and offer you support when you most need it. There are so many ways TAPS can help you as you walk on this grief journey. This picture was taken at the Northeast Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in New Jer
TAPS at the NFL Pro Bowl TAPS at the NFL Pro Bowl TAPS at the NFL Pro Bowl Christina Romero At this year’s NFL Pro Bowl, twenty families, including my children and myself were treated by teams4taps to a once in a lifetime experience. Initially, I was excited yet anxious. My children (Liam and Gracie) and I had only attended one other TAPS event. The seminar and Good Grief Camp had been so positive for us and I hoped this event would be as well. From the moment we landed in Orlando, TAPS military mentors and staff e
TAPS suicide prevention and postvention: Decreasing risk and Increasing Hope TAPS suicide prevention and postvention: Decreasing risk and Increasing Hope TAPS suicide prevention and postvention: Decreasing risk and Increasing Hope \| TAPS TAPS Recent headlines have drawn attention to the increasing rate of suicide among military members. At TAPS we know that a death by suicide leaves survivors in a wake of emotions and challenges that complicate an already painful grieving process. For more than 10 years, TAPS has been caring for and supporting suicide loss survivor
The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life \| TAPS Michael Brezenski A group of widowed fathers were brought together for what was planned as a six-session lecture and discussion forum. As it developed, the meetings became more like a support group and continued for nearly four years. From this experience, Dr. Donald Rosenstein and Dr. Justin Yopp have penned The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life. The doctors recount the personal
The Power of Sports The Power of Sports The Power of Sports \| TAPS August Cabrera Angela Cabrera Beyond the Final Score August Cabrera, surviving spouse and mother to Max and Roanin Texas A&M is a huge deal in the Cabrera family. Not only did our hero, Dave, graduate from there in 1992, but a sister, brother, and now nephew are all Aggies. Dave and his first wife, Angela, were college sweethearts and now their two kids, Corbin and Gillian, both attend A&M. So when team4taps called to offer our family, our
4 Goals I Made After Losing My Loved One 4 Goals I Made After Losing My Loved One 4 Goals I Made After Losing My Loved One \| TAPS Hannah Grace Just a few days after the funeral for my boyfriend, Staff Sgt. Forrest B. Sibley, I visited his grave. I rolled out my American flag towel on the freshly laid grass, and sat there for about two hours, talking to him while enjoying the beautiful sunny Florida weather. I talked about how I was feeling — cried, laughed, shared memories — and it all led to making him four promises, which turned
Five Reasons to Bring Your Kids to the National Military Survivor Suicide Seminar Five Reasons to Bring Your Kids to the National Military Survivor Suicide Seminar Five Reasons to Bring Your Kids to the National Military Survivor Suicide Seminar \| TAPS Karissa Kelley Protecting children from harm, guarding their innocence, and providing a happy childhood are paramount goals in the mind of a loving caregiver. Words like “death,” “suicide,” and “grief” may not seem to fit with this vision of a happy childhood. Attending a National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar (NMSSS) i
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This is a picture of the main course of the dinner at the Grand Banquet at the TAPS 24th National Military Survivor and Good Grief Camp. I thought it would be a good picture to use as an opening for this week’s message. There were many responses to this week’s question, so I will keep my comments brief today. I would love to gather some questions you might have for future
Volunteer Spotlight: Bethany Sutherland Jones Spotlight on Service: Bethany Sutherland Jones Spotlight on Service: Bethany Sutherland Jones \| TAPS Sharon Paz When Bethany Jones first volunteered with TAPS, it was crystal clear that service was a quality deeply ingrained in her identity. Bethany had the benefit of seeing service to country modeled by her parents growing up as an Air Force daughter. That service was echoed when later she became an Air Force wife and mother. Over the many years of moving from one duty assignme
What Kids Want Their Adults to Know about Grief What Kids Want Their Adults to Know about Grief What Kids Want Their Adults to Know about Grief \| TAPS Karissa Kelley Editor’s note: November is National Children’s Grief Awareness Month. Throughout the month, we will feature stories from surviving children, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, and how best to support them. At the end of a TAPS Good Grief Camp or Family Camp, Youth Programs staff asks each child to complete a brief s
3 Ways Gardening Changed My Outlook on Grief 3 Ways Gardening Changed My Outlook on Grief 3 Ways Gardening Changed My Outlook on Grief Anne Halvorson When my husband, Navy Petty Officer 1st Class IC1 Kevin Wilson, passed away in September 2009, I was left feeling hopeless. Active duty military myself, with two small kids, I faced both legal battles over our common-law marriage and an unsympathetic command. All of that while trying to comprehend what happened and how to raise my kids. My closest family was halfway across the country; I
My Dad Died, Too My Dad Died, Too My Dad Died, Too Nathaniel Lee In 1996, my father Capt. Donald Lee was the Army’s Outstanding Aviator. A year later, he and his co-pilot were killed in a training accident when their helicopter crashed. My mother Theresa, my then 5-year-old brother Sam and I, age 7, had our lives thrown into turmoil as our family and the Fort Hood community dealt with this loss. By the end of that school year, we were moving to Northern California where my mother’s family lived, saying goodby
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Foods Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Foods Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Foods Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote about the favorite foods of their loved ones. In addition, I thought it would be fun to share an article written by Marissa Donovan titled "Easy Fall Foods to Keep Your Spirits Up." The article includes some new recipes that look like they might be fun, like these Jack-O-Lantern stuffed peppers. Sometimes we find comfort in preparing the foods that have been a
Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Carol Lane Good morning, There are two ideas that came to me when I thought about Annette’s question, “What have you done with your loved one’s paperwork?” This picture shows survivors at one of the TAPS seminars, attending a workshop to create pages for a scrapbook about their loved ones. Perhaps each piece of paperwork could be mounted on a page with pictures or drawings pasted around it. Another insp
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Collections Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Collections Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Collections Carol Lane Good morning, One day at the cemetery, a butterfly landed on my side. That had never happened before, and I took it as a sign from my son, Bryon. After that, I began buying artificial butterflies to put in my house plants and other places around the house. This is a picture of one of them that I would like to share with all of you today. Even though I don’t buy them as much anymore, the joy
Saturday Morning Message: Routine or Change Saturday Morning Message: Routine or Change Saturday Morning Message: Routine or Change Carol Lane Good morning, Is it easier to stick to a routine or change the daily tasks you do after the death of a loved one? The picture today is a hydrangea bush that we planted in our garden. Gardening became a time of meditation for me. Somehow when I was working with plants, I felt I was connecting with nature and my son. Although we had a garden before the event that changed our lives, we took more t
Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminar Enjoyment Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminar Enjoyment Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminar Enjoyment Carol Lane Good Morning, Going to a TAPS Seminar for the first time can be stressful, especially if you are attending alone. I remember the first time I flew into the Reagan National Airport in Washington, D.C., for the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp held each May. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but when I entered the hotel, there were TAPS staff members waiting to
Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture this week is of some of the participants in the Marine Corps Marathon. I am using it since my daughter ran/walked for TAPS on Oct. 22, and I went to support her. I am so proud of those who took part and also those of us who stayed on the sidelines encouraging them. Staying in the hotel where most of the TAPS participants stayed was
The News That Changes Everything The News That Changes Everything The News That Changes Everything Wendy Taylor Learn more at privatesorrow.com As reports of a U.S. Military KC-130 plane crash began inundating my news feed, tv screen and radio earlier this year, I felt the crushing weight of my grief once again. Pictures of the aircraft were catastrophic; I understood what they meant for those families who were just opening their doors to devastating words. My own memories of painful moments resurfaced and a flood of emotio
Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward. Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward. Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward. Alan Wolfelt "Things come suitable to their time." - Enid Bagnold Many of the messages that people in grief are given are in opposition to stillness… "carry on;" "keep your chin up;" "keep busy;" "I have someone for you to meet." Yet, the paradox for many grievers is that as they try to frantically move forward, t
Holiday Art Therapy: Practical Activities for Healing Holiday Art Therapy: Practical Activities for Healing Holiday Art Therapy: Practical Activities for Healing Bevin Landrum It’s no wonder that the holidays sometimes find us staring dazedly at holiday cards, half-decorated trees, and difficult wish lists (sparkle unicorns, rockets, removal of pesky siblings). The tasks and expectations that fall between November and the New Year are monumental even for families who aren’t living in the aftermath of tragic grief. For those of us tenderly cop
I’ve Been Everywhere, Man: teams4taps on the road with the NBA I’ve Been Everywhere, Man: teams4taps on the road with the NBA I’ve Been Everywhere, Man: teams4taps on the road with the NBA Bevin Landrum Military families are frequently called to live far from home. Whether they are stationed overseas or just across the country, service members and their families look for ways to maintain close connections to those they love and miss. Walk in any commissary, exchange or food court on a military installation and you’re liable to see a dozen different team
Re-envisioning Our Resolutions: Grief Requires Grace Re-envisioning Our Resolutions: Grief Requires Grace Re-envisioning Our Resolutions: Grief Requires Grace Kelly Griffith This year, I’m going to run more. I’m going to be more decisive. I’m going to take more risks and find new ways to honor both my hero and myself. A fresh start can be great, can’t it? It’s a clean slate with the opportunity to make new resolutions. We vow to ourselves that we’re going to be “on it” this time. But by mid January, we may have slipped into the same habits we h
The Shining Light in an endless tunnel The Shining Light in an endless tunnel A Survivor Parents Shares Hope- TAPS News Jonathan Jay Gee Sr. Over the last several months, which were full of frustration, anger, depression, and PTSD, I have seen the latest TAPS Magazine lying around the house or maybe a TAPS coffee mug. I've been thankful for my TAPS Peer Mentor whom I regularly talk with mostly through text message. Well, he keeps texting me with words to help in my daily struggle through my son’s birthday, holidays and other key
Walking Together Through Our Grief Walking Together Through Our Grief Walking Together Through Our Grief Jennifer Keeling The definition of “mentor” is “a trusted counselor or guide.” The word that stands out to me the most is “trusted.” When going through a tragedy, we are often spoken to with cliches and half truths to make us feel better, such as, “They are better off where they are now. You are young. You will find someone new and move on.” Someone may say, “Just put on a happy face, and soon you will get over this.” Whi
What to Expect at a Seminar What to Expect at a Seminar What to Expect at a Seminar Carla Stumpf Patton In our grief, it can be difficult to imagine traveling to an event along with other bereaved survivors, many of whom are strangers, where the focus is on addressing our innermost pain in hopes of healing. And, yet, that is what happens when attending a TAPS Survivor Seminar. An understanding about what to expect in advance of attending can often ease emotions for first-time participants and your TAPS family wants y
Miles for Kyle Miles for Kyle Miles for Kyle Maggie Osborn Running a marathon for some is a sport; for others a life accomplishment. Me? I run for Kyle. I run in his honor. I run because he can’t. I run to fulfill his goals and complete his bucket list. I run to carry on his memory and to ensure it inspires others as he did in his life on earth. Kyle was a loving, outgoing man who continually sought out new challenges. He was always an active person applying himself to new adventures: fishing, CrossFit,
My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss Mike Aldapa My journey as a survivor of military suicide loss began July 18th, 2012, when our son Paul, a young 22-year old Petty Officer in the Coast Guard, took his own life in what was determined to be a homicide-suicide. Paul died 3 years and 10 months into his 4 year enlistment. At the time of his death, Paul was actively pursuing a career in law enforcement that he was looking forward to after he got ou
Spotlight on Service: Ruth Roberts Spotlight on Service: Ruth Roberts Spotlight on Service: Ruth Roberts TAPS Is the desire to volunteer the product of nature or nurture? In the case of TAPS volunteer Ruth Roberts, it may be a combination. Ruth was born a fifth generation Dutch citizen in The Dutch East Indies, now Indonesia. During World War II, her father suffered brutal treatment as a prisoner of war, and her mother, along with Ruth and two of her siblings, lived in Japanese detention. After the war, a bitter struggle for
Surviving the Holidays After Loss Surviving the Holidays After Loss Surviving the Holidays After Loss Linda Ambard The Christmas holidays were always magical to me. I loved the hustle and bustle, the music, the festive home decorations, the planning and the secrets, what it means to me, and I loved the laughter in my chaotic family. We never had a lot, but somehow our tree was the tree that people stood and gaped at. It looked like we had a mountain of gifts piled high under the tree. Having five children will do that. F
Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Linda Ambard People often put off doing the things they want to do because they believe there will be a better time for it. I know that Phil and I put off those couple's only dates and vacations because we thought we had time. In fact, I pushed for a Phil and Linda vacation together before his deployment, but he wanted to wait because it wasn't his top priority. It became the desire of his heart while he was deployed, and we had plans for that magical day t
Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Kyle Balduf We all remember that day—the day the world stopped for us. We remember the knock on the door, the phone call, the person on the other end fumbling for the words to explain that life had changed forever. After the initial waves of shock rolled over us, we began to thaw, so to speak, and became acquainted with the nature of g
3 Years 3 Years 3 Years Rachael Hill July 28, 2013 = 3 years. How has it been that long? Three years? If it has really been three years, then why is it when I close my eyes I can still feel his arms around me and hear his voice? Sometimes when I close my eyes really tight…I can even see the light in his eyes still reflecting that no matter what happens, everything really is going to be alright. Three years has gone by and I have realized that a new woman is starting to emerge. I am not t
Letters from TAPS: From the Run and Remember Team Letters from TAPS: From the Run and Remember Team Letters from TAPS: From the Run and Remember Team Marie Campbell Dear TAPS Family, In Texas, we have really hot summers! Despite the heat, I enjoy the many wonderful things summer has to offer: ice cream, the pool, the beach, my birthday, my parents’ anniversary, and cookouts with family, and the Fourth of July. But I didn’t always find summer so enjoyable. On June 25, 1996, my husband Sergeant Dee "Soup" Campbell was killed in the Khobar
Live, Laugh, Love Live, Laugh, Love Live, Laugh, Love Michele Hiester Marcum Recently, I had the privilege of browsing with friends in a rural flea market setting. As I wandered from booth to booth, up and down each gravel-packed aisle, I noticed how repetitious the vendors' offerings became. The same décor, the same clothing, the same garden supplies, the same meaningless treasures. It seems that the world is full of advice these days, on every available surface, from home to garden. If a thought has ever
Spotlight on Service: Belle Spotlight on Service: Belle Spotlight on Service: Belle TAPS Honor’s First for Freedom is my full name, but most everyone calls me Belle. I’m a Golden Retriever, born on January 27, 2005, in Charlotte, North Carolina. I left my furry family when I was only nine weeks old and flew to Virginia to start my new life with my new family. My new mom Lisa Dolan met me at the airport in Norfolk, Virginia. Yes, I was born to travel! Besides my mom, I have a sister Becca and a brother Beau. Their fath
Run and Remember: Honoring the Memory of Windy25 Run and Remember: Honoring the Memory of Windy25 Run and Remember: Honoring the Memory of Windy25 TAPS On April 6, 2005 a U.S. Army helicopter crashed near Ghazni, Afghanistan killing all five crew members along with 11 passengers. The call-sign of the CH-47 Chinook helicopter was Windy25, one of the aircraft belonging to F Company, 159th Aviation Regiment, “Big Windy.” Each year since the crash, members of the unit have gathered to honor their battle buddies and memorialize the loss. In t
Saturday Morning Message: Letting Others Know You Love Them Saturday Morning Message: Letting Others Know You Love Them Saturday Morning Message: Letting Others Know You Love Them Carol Lane Good Morning, This week’s question centered around letting others know that you love them while you are grieving the loss of an important person in your life. This is not easy - especially when you are early in your grief journey. When you are new to grief, it can be hard to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. What do you do? For me, I ac
Support Yourself and Your Children Support Yourself & Your Children Support Yourself & Your Children Andrea Hug Through the Holidays The holidays are here… As a parent who is grieving, thinking about the holidays may seem ludicrous, and yet your children will not let them pass without celebration. Children naturally need to find the joy in the season. But it is an overwhelming time with demands that might cause unmanageable stress. It’s helpful to consider how you can ease the demands of the season and still honor your missin
Letters from TAPS: From the Youth Program Director Letters from TAPS: From the Youth Program Director Letters from TAPS: From the Youth Program Director Heather Campagna TAPS Youth Programs had a wonderful summer this year! We had our largest ever National Good Grief Camp, several Regional Good Grief Camps including our two day event at Fort Hood, and four overnight Camp Erin/TAPS Grief Camps. For those who have brought your child to a Good Grief Camp in the past, thank you for sharing your child with us! Good Grief Camp is an amazing
Run and Remember: Running the Boston Marathon for TAPS Run and Remember: Running the Boston Marathon for TAPS Run and Remember: Running the Boston Marathon for TAPS TAPS The TAPS Run and Remember Team fields most of its runners every autumn in the annual Army 10 Miler and Marine Corps Marathon events in Washington, DC. But those aren’t our only venues. Any runner can participate in any event in any location. This year, we are proud to acknowledge two runners who supported TAPS in the prestigious Boston Marathon! Andre Karr Andre Karr was fi
Picking Up the Pieces Picking Up the Pieces Picking Up the Pieces \| TAPS Chris Beck Life after the loss of a loved one can shatter us and bring us to our knees, lost, not knowing what to do next. As the pieces of our lives scatter after a loss, finding a way to put them back together can seem overwhelming. Life’s complexities have many similarities to jigsaw puzzles — you sort and gather pieces, then fit them into your unique picture. I worked 55 years to build my puzzle, adding pieces along the way: my wife,
Family Camp: Texas Texas Family Camp Texas Family Camp Find comfort and support for your family while surrounded by the healing powers of nature at our TAPS Family Camp. About Family Camps Family camps allow your family to step away from the stresses of daily life, learn about your individual grief journey as well as how to grieve as a family and give you tools for the path ahead. TAPS Family Camp provides a setting for building communication, understanding, and support within the family unit. All fami
Family Camp: Colorado Colorado Family Winter Retreat Colorado Family Winter Retreat About Family Retreats Set against the breathtaking backdrop of Rocky Mountain National Park, this retreat is designed to be a transformational experience for families grieving the death of a military service member. Through awe-inspiring moments in nature, shared experiences, and guided self-care practices, participants will leave feeling more connected, more supported, and more equipped to navigate life’s challenges with
Seminar: Southern Southern Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Southern Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS SEMINAR DETAILS FOR ADULTS: TAPS SEMINAR FOR YOUTH: GOOD GRIEF CAMP CHILD CARE LEGACY/MILITARY MENTOR PEER MENTOR TRAINING SCHEDULE and SESSIONS SEMINAR FEES LODGING and TRANSPORTATION REGISTRATION DETAILS For Adults: TAPS Seminars TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adul
Seminar: National 31st Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp 31st Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS Adults Each Memorial Day, our country remembers those who have served and died. As our country reflects on the costs of freedom, we come together to tell the stories of our fallen heroes. We name our loved ones, celebrate their lives and decide again to live bigger and better on their behalf. Surrounded by the monuments and memorials of our nat
Seminar: Southern Southern Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Southern Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS SEMINAR DETAILS FOR ADULTS: TAPS SEMINAR FOR YOUTH: GOOD GRIEF CAMP CHILD CARE LEGACY/MILITARY MENTOR PEER MENTOR TRAINING SCHEDULE and SESSIONS SEMINAR FEES LODGING and TRANSPORTATION REGISTRATION DETAILS For Adults: TAPS Seminars TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adul
TAPS Togethers: Wreaths Across America 2024 TAPS Togethers: National Wreaths Across America Day Wreaths Across America for Surviving Military Families \| TAPS On Saturday, December 14, we are inviting TAPS family members of all ages to join us for a time of special connection and remembrance at national cemeteries across the country with our partner Wreaths Across America for National Wreaths Across America Day. National Wreaths Across America Day is an annual event that honors the brave men and women who have served our country in ti
A Look at Loneliness A Look at Loneliness A Look at Loneliness \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt "The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness." — Norman Cousins The COVID-19 pandemic has increased our awareness of the problem of loneliness. We were lonely before the novel coronavirus arose, and we’re even lonelier since routine social distancing, isolation, and quarantining became unfortunate necessities. Of course, for those of us in grief, the natural loneliness of loss also compounds our fe
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Awhile back there was a discussion with a TAPS group about celebrating our loved one’s birthday and I thought it would be a good question for this weekly message. The responses this week came from those who answered that question. The quote at the beginning really speaks to our feelings about keeping our loved one’s memory alive. Sometimes after reading the Saturday Mo
Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support for Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support for Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support for Survivors Carol Lane Good Morning, This week survivors sent their heartwarming responses about how pets have helped them on their individual grief journeys. Many sent pictures of their house pets, so I thought you might find it interesting to see a picture of outside pets sent by Susan, spouse of Charles, at the beginning of today’s message. I will keep my remarks short this week as there were so ma
Retreats: Colorado Colorado All Populations Weekend Retreat TAPS Military Survivor Colorado All Populations Weekend Retreat TAPS Adult Programs warmly invites all adult survivors who are at least six months from loss to join the Colorado All Populations Weekend Retreat. We will explore the wildernesses of our earth and our emotions alongside fellow survivors in Rocky Mountain National Park. Nature and grief can both often feel vast and un-navigable, but we know that having good guides makes all the difference.
Fundraiser: Colorado Celebrity Classic Colorado Celebrity Classic Colorado Celebrity Classic \| TAPS Saluting Our Fallen Heroes Songwriters Show & Dinner Celebrating 25 Years of TAPS! Saturday, June 15, 2019 5:30 p.m. to 9:45 p.m. Grove Family Ranch at Cherry Creek 6225 S Fraser Street, Centennial, Colorado 80016 A special tribute to the nearly 85,000 survivors of those who served in America’s military and died, with special guest TAPS Founder Bonnie Carroll Pit-roasted prime rib dinner by the Coors Cowboys Club Chuckw
Seminar: Midwest Midwest Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Midwest Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Midwest Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many yea
Seminar: Mountain Mountain State Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Mountain State Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Mountain State Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your he
Seminar: Northeast Northeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Northeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Northeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your h
Seminar: Southeast Southeast Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Southeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Southeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived ma
Seminar: Western Western Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Western Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Western Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many y
Fundraiser: Colorado Celebrity Classic 14th Annual Colorado Celebrity Classic 14th Annual Colorado Celebrity Classic \| TAPS Saluting Our Fallen Heroes Songwriters Show & Dinner Saturday, June 16, 2018 Grove Family Ranch at Cherry Creek 6225 S Fraser St., Centennial, CO 80016 Doors/Cash Bar: 5:30 p.m. Dinner Served: 5:45-6:45 p.m. Live Auction & Songwriters Show: 7:00-9:45 p.m. Attire: casual/western casual...arena can be warm Packed sand floor...flat shoes recommended REGISTER ONLINE Or help us save proce
Seminar: California California Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS California Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Serving as Legacy or Military Mentor? Registration and Event Information Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the California Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing
Seminar: Colorado Colorado Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Colorado Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Colorado Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many years without them or are
Seminar: New Jersey New Jersey Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS New Jersey Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the New Jersey Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many years without them
Seminar: Ohio Ohio Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Ohio Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Ohio Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many years without them or are somewhere in
Seminar: Texas Texas Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Texas Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Your TAPS family warmly invites you to find a new sense of purpose and the support of peers at the Texas Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp. TAPS Seminars are created with your needs in mind. Our comprehensive model of care brings together adult and children survivors for a weekend of hope and healing. Whether you recently lost your hero, have lived many years without them or are somewhere
Seminar: Chicago Chicago Survivor Seminar & Good Grief Camp Chicago Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp As we move through the grief journey, we realize that changes provide perspective, and perspective drives purpose. Find new perspective, a sense of purpose and the support of peers at our brand new regional seminars. We urge you to take three days out of the grind of grief work and the stresses of daily life to fellowship with your TAPS family. Our new format will help you personalize your experienc
Seminar: Colorado Colorado Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Colorado Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp As we move through the grief journey, we realize that changes provide perspective, and perspective drives purpose. Find new perspective, a sense of purpose and the support of peers at our brand new regional seminars. We urge you to take three days out of the grind of grief work and the stresses of daily life to fellowship with your TAPS family. Our new format will help you personalize your experi
A Lonely Cross A Lonely Cross A Lonely Cross \| TAPS Peter Duston Carrying on the Names and Stories Behind the Stones Cherryfield, Maine: The fourth-grade class in Cherryfield, Maine — a small coastal town of 1,900 where I live — has been making an annual pilgrimage to one of our small cemeteries for over 20 years — a tradition started by WWII Veteran Joe Sproul, who would share with the children the background of those buried there from the Revolutionary War to the present, including brothers killed
Stars, Stripes, and Service Stars, Stripes, and Service Stars, Stripes, and Service \| TAPS Dawn Kotalik Kristi Stolzenberg Editor's Note: This article is a follow-up to the article, “Honor to Serve,” published on TAPS in March 2024. Service is something of a tradition in the Kotalik family. During WWII, a paratrooper with that last name landed in Normandy, and his legacy inspired future generations of Kotaliks to follow in his footsteps, including his great-grandson, U.S. Army SPC Jarrett Kotalik, who enlisted i
Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers \| TAPS Andy McNiel How can I help my child grow and develop in healthy ways even when they are grieving the death of someone in their life? It is difficult to watch our children struggle or face distress after a loss. As parents, we want our children to have healthy, happy experiences, and we worry that their grief will have long-t
TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS TAPS Care Groups are safe, welcoming spaces in your local area — a community of peers within your community, those who understand grief because they’re experiencing it too. And, like you, they are seeking connection, hope, and healing. For Annette Montante, the surviving aunt of U.S. Marine Corps Sgt Tristan Charles Bet
Nature Heals Nature Heals Nature Heals \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell “Love is natural. Grief is natural. Like the natural world around us, they are both wild, unpredictable, uncontrollable, and awe-inspiring things. Mourning, too, is all of these things. It’s also healing. Over time and through ongoing expression, grief befriended and communicated is grief healed.” ~ Dr. Alan Wolfelt Nature Heals is a validation of what I believe and what all of us innately know to be true about life and about gri
On Memorial Day, We Honor Them On Memorial Day, We Honor Them On Memorial Day, We Honor Them \| TAPS Coleen Bowman Editor's Note: As we move into the month of May, we will be sharing a series of stories from survivors. To begin the month, surviving spouse Coleen Bowman shares her memories and thoughts on this sacred time, memories of the past, reflection on the present, and new traditions for the future. We invite you to share your Memorial Day thoughts or memories by sending your stories to editor@taps.org and also share o
Restoring Balance Amid Grief and the Pandemic Restoring Balance Amid Grief and the Pandemic Restoring Balance Amid Grief and the Pandemic \| TAPS James Gordon Over this past year, pandemic-induced fear, grief, and uncertainty have compounded the pain of loss, while sound public health practice has kept us from the physical closeness that in other years helped assuage our loss and loneliness. To move through our grief, we must first accept both past and recent loss. If we know that the pain that accompanies loss is normal and to be exp
Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process \| TAPS Rachel Kodanaz Returning to work may be daunting to someone who has just suffered the death of a family member or close loved one. Mustering the courage to re-engage in normal daily activities feels so distant, yet it has been proven that returning to work, school or worship plays a significant role in well-being. When returning to work after my husband, Rod, suddenly passe
Saturday Morning Message: Cultivating Hobbies and Skills Saturday Morning Message: Cultivating Hobbies and Skills Cultivating Hobbies and Skills \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, During this period of quarantine, some have found the additional time to develop new hobbies or skills or have worked hard to enhance old skills, applying that new knowledge to various projects. Several survivors share about their experiences in this week’s Saturday Morning Message. We have all heard that journaling can be part of the h
Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Stress and anxiety are emotions felt by grieving people. This week, survivors share ideas on what brings them comfort when these emotions come over them. Hugs help me the most, so I’m sharing a picture of two survivors giving each other a wonderful hug. It is also the reason I sign most of my TAPS correspondence with the word “Hugs.” Please feel that I am hu
Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Coping Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Coping Strategies Holiday Coping Strategies \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, This week I am sending a picture of the poinsettia I bought for the holiday season. I loved it because it combined both the red and white varieties. Since I can’t have anyone physically in the house during the pandemic, I thought I would give you a virtual peek into my home. December is always a good time for reflection and a time to gather questions for
Saturday Morning Message: Including Our Loved Ones In Our Holiday Traditions Saturday Morning Message: Including Our Loved Ones In Our Holiday Traditions Including Our Loved Ones In Our Holiday Traditions \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, During this time of year, we experience shorter days and prolonged darkness. In addition, we are also dealing with the restrictions that come with COVID-19 which may make the holiday season more difficult. Many of us illuminate our homes with candles to help us cope with the reduced light outside. This week t
Saturday Morning Message: Making Plans for the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Making Plans for the Holidays Making Plans for the Holidays \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The opening picture is my lilac bush with its beautiful red leaves signaling the beginning of the fall season in the part of our country where I live. Survivors know that their loved ones’ birthdays and angelversaries can be difficult, so plans are often made to help cope. Some holidays can be equally emotionally painful. Today’s responses a
Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved Ones in Book Titles Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved Ones in Book Titles Our Loved Ones in Book Titles \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning This topic introduces our loved ones in a unique way. Thinking of a book title and then writing a little bit about why that title was chosen gives the readers an idea of the lives these special people lived. Each paragraph gives us a window to view those who will always be so close to our fellow survivors. As you read through the responses, you
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Music Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Music The Comfort of Music \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The topic for this week’s Saturday Morning Message was inspired by how TAPS came together with the Roots & American Music Society to create an album of songs. The title came from the words Bonnie Carrol put on her husband, Tom’s tombstone: Love Lives On. Pre-order the album, which goes on sale May 22, and read more about the album and the survivor families involved in
Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves Treating Ourselves \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Darcie Sims was a wonderful speaker and supporter of TAPS. She saw snowflakes as a way to describe ourselves, our loved ones and each person’s grief, because there are no perfectly identical snowflakes. Each one is unique. In her article, “Snowflakes Surviving the Winter Season”, she not only wrote about understanding these differences, but one of her suggestions was to, “
The Trauma-Healing Diet The Trauma-Healing Diet The Trauma-Healing Diet \| TAPS James Gordon The following article is an excerpt from Dr. Gordon's new book: "The Transformation: Discovering Wholeness and Healing After Trauma." Books on trauma, even the very best of them, have little or nothing to say about the damage that trauma and chronic stress do to our digestive tract, and how that damage compounds the toll trauma takes on our mind, our brain, and the rest of our body. This is because everything we eat – an
A Gathering of Men A Gathering of Men A Gathering of Men \| TAPS Gabriel Rao Calmness, Camaraderie, and Clarity in Yosemite Sitting near a rolling stream surrounded by the breathtaking wonders of nature, I witness the power of water against rock — moving, reshaping. What a blessing to have this time to become fully aware of my surroundings and myself. Just like a current reshapes stone, the power of a man sharing openly and honestly has the power to change the world around him. There is a beauty that takes sha
Saturday Morning Message: Attending Funerals After Loss of a Loved One Saturday Morning Message: Attending Funerals After Loss of a Loved One Saturday Morning Message: Attending Funerals After Loss of a Loved One \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today comes from the article, “Blooms of Hope: Finding Strength Amid Devastation,” written by Ellen, fiancée of David. I thought it would be a good opening to this week’s message since Ellen presented the question. In the article, she compares the gradual return of her neighborhood after Hurricane Michael to
Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The idea for this week’s topic came from a discussion on one of the Online Community chats. We spent some time talking about what we do when we have difficulty getting a good night’s sleep. In the summer edition of TAPS Magazine, there is an article titled "Grief and Sleep," written by Heather Stang listing more ideas. Then on August 15, which was National Relaxa
Saturday Morning Message: Ornaments for our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Ornaments for our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Ornaments for our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Ornaments are special. Some of them are from places we have visited, come from special friends or family, or they can be just something we bought because it touched our hearts. TAPS has touched many hearts, so the opening picture is an ornament you can buy at the TAPS store. This week survivors wrote about creating an ornament that introduces their lo
Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture is a heart necklace that I wear everyday. Inside is my son’s boot camp picture. I chose that as my special item, because I remember how proud he was to have finished USMC boot camp and the day he presented me with a group of pictures from that event in his life. I know you will enjoy the other items shared in answer to this question. The Saturday Morning
Saturday Morning Message: The things they leave behind Saturday Morning Message: The things they leave behind Saturday Morning Message: The things they leave behind \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week, survivors shared items they keep that are special remembrances of their loved ones. The picture today is of the laundry jug given to Marcia, by her son, Patrick, the last time he was home. She is the author of the original question. Read what others have saved to remind them of their loved ones. Surviving friends and family are invited to
Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Our Spirits \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Uplifting our spirits on the grief journey can sometimes be a daunting task. This week survivors share ideas about what they find useful to raise their feelings when they are down. One of the methods sent by Winona, spouse of Clifford, is gardening. She sent this beautiful picture of her garden — you will read more below about how she accomplishes a more peaceful pe
Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, It’s hard to write about our gifts, but there is one we all have that can help others after a loss. It is the gift of listening. Listening to others can be one of the greatest gifts we give to someone who is grieving, and it may actually help you as well. In a 2013 TAPS Magazine article, “Reaching Out to Others,” by Darcie Sims, she wrote, “I happened to be listening
Toxic Exposure Toxic Exposure: Raising Awareness – Providing Hope Toxic Exposure: Raising Awareness – Providing Hope \| TAPS TAPS Coleen’s husband was a devoted soldier. He deployed twice to Iraq between 2004 and 2008. He never failed a PT test and never went on sick call for his first 20 years of service in the Army. In March 2011, he passed his “over 40 physical” and received a clean bill of health. On the day of his exam, he told his civilian doctor he had not been feeling well and was experiencing flu-li
Women’s Empowerment Retreats Help You Dig Deep, Make Friends and Press Onward Women’s Empowerment Retreats Help You Dig Deep, Make Friends and Press Onward Women’s Empowerment Retreats Help You Dig Deep, Make Friends and Press Onward \| TAPS Emily Munoz Erin Jacobson When a rock hits water, it’s the initial splash that gets our attention. It’s apparent that something in the world has shifted; something is no longer in the place it was. How similar this is to early grief — that cold initial shock, the feeling of sudden displacement. It can take a while to realize that m
Art Therapy: Expressing Grief — And Hope — Through Collages Art Therapy: Expressing Grief — And Hope — Through Collages Art Therapy: Expressing Grief — And Hope — Through Collages Sharon Strouse On an exceptionally warm winter day earlier this year, I was on my way to New York. Nearly 16 years earlier, I had taken a similar train to New York’s West Side to identify my 17-year-old daughter Kristin’s body. She took her own life on October 11, 2001. That moment created a before and after and permanently altered my experience of the past, present, and f
Healing Your Holiday Grief Healing Your Holiday Grief Healing Your Holiday Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt This article was first published in the TAPS Magazine Winter 2018, Issue 24, Volume 4, and is republished here with an additional list of ideas for healing your holiday grief. If you could go back in time and relive a special holiday, which one would you choose? Close your eyes for a moment and think about this holiday. Now, slowly, walk through this memory in your mind. What made it so special? What were the sur
Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Reading can be very beneficial for those who are grieving. In today’s response section, readers shared their thoughts about how books have been helpful on their grief journey. The lead picture is from the book titled Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death by Bonnie Carroll and Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Clicking on the title will take you to t
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, We are on a break and republishing the responses from one of our favorite topics, self-care. We’ll be back next week with the replies to Cheryl’s question. Self-care is something that is often overlooked when we are grieving, so I think it is a good idea to post an article about it every so often. The responses this week come from the TAPS Saturday Morning Message archives. Th
Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Helping others is something many of us do gladly, whether it is helping family members or volunteering for an organization in our community. When it comes to self-care it seems that it is much harder to put into our schedule. Grieving can be hard on our minds and bodies, so doing something for ourselves increases our ability to deal with the emotions that come. In putting together the mes
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week comes from the 2017 Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. Each attendee was asked to provide a picture of his/her loved one for the board decked with trees. Then when we met by the board, we could point out our loved one’s picture and perhaps share a memory. I thought this would be an appropriate picture to use in a Saturday Morn
Saturday Morning Message: The Help of Gardening Saturday Morning Message: The Help of Gardening Saturday Morning Message: The Help of Gardening \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This was the perfect question for those of us in the north who seem to be waiting a bit longer for spring to come this year. The pictures are so beautiful and I know they will bring a smile to this week’s readers. I thought I would start with last year’s picture of the garden my husband, Ed, and I maintain each year that has been set up for the military losses fro
Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, One of the things I did to turn my grief into action after the loss of my son was to become a TAPS Peer Mentor. After experiencing the warmth and care of TAPS, I wanted to give something to other survivors and this was the way that was best for me. This picture shows a recent group of mentors. You can see the smiles on their faces. That is how I felt when I
A Stillness Among the Trees A Stillness Among the Trees A Stillness Among the Trees Abi Ruth Martin Heading to Bainbridge Island, Washington, for my first TAPS Empowerment Week of Renewal, I was nervous and apprehensive. Usually, I am surrounded by friends and family when reflecting on my brother’s death and its impact on me. But this week, I would be sharing and talking about this intimate part of my life with people I had never met before. Breathing in the salty sea air, I was reminded of Jack’s life in the Seatt
Dare to Share Dare to Share Dare to Share Stephanie Frogge Life with grief is challenging enough, but it can become even more challenging when we are called to share our story. While we know talking about our loss, our loved one, the experience of grief, healing and recovery and the details of the death, such as how we learned of it, are necessary and therapeutic elements of coping with loss and creating our new normal, navigating these fine lines can leave us vulnerable to hurtful responses. Beware of
Gifts of Grief: Tools to Help You Through Gifts of Grief: Tools to Help You Through Gifts of Grief: Tools to Help You Through \| TAPS James Gordon Grief is part of being human. Sooner or later, it makes its appearance in our lives, no matter how unwanted it is. Attending the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar, I was struck even more by how important it is for us to honor the process of grief. We have to see it as a part of life and let it take its course. There are no shortcuts; there’s no getting around it. But, there are gi
How I Honor the Memories of My Dad During the Holidays How I Honor the Memories of My Dad During the Holidays How I Honor the Memories of My Dad During the Holidays \| TAPS Zakees Baker As the holiday season sets in, I’m reminded of so many special memories of my father, Sgt. Jevon Jordan. I’m reminded of his love of family, sense of duty to serve and that smile on his face when he’d take the first bite of lemon meringue pie. And while the memories can and do bring pain, they’re matched by the purest sense of joy as I think about our happiest mome
It Takes A Tribe It Takes A Tribe It Takes A Tribe Shauna Springer When we lose someone we love, it’s easy to lose hope. We can become helpless and only see the darkest parts of grief. But there is hope. There is help. There is healing. It takes a tribe - a group of people who share a common language, culture and history - to preserve life after loss. Those who have lived through similar experiences provide a guiding light and a rallying unit. Professional mental health providers play an important role, bu
Saturday Morning Message: Dream Retreats Saturday Morning Message: Dream Retreats Saturday Morning Message: Dream Retreats Carol Lane Good morning, The question this week asked where would you like to go if money were not a problem. I have a love for music, so going somewhere to hear good music and perhaps do a bit of dancing would be a treat for me. This picture came from a TAPS event called the Colorado Celebrity Classic Songwriters Show which happened in 2015. It featured country music, but I like all music and would go anywhere
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this week is the card that Carmen, mother of Charles wrote about later in the message. I thought it was so special that it deserved to be the first thing people saw when they opened this week’s Saturday Morning Message. Survivors shared the many different ways they they honor their loved ones. I thought I would add mine as well. This Saturday Morning M
Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Carol Lane Good morning, After the initial pain of grief has lessened, many find that undertaking a new hobby or pastime can offer comfort. This week’s opening picture is from Caryn, mother of Nathan and spouse of Micheal, who writes later in the message about the art of crochet and how it has uplifted her. This week’s blog has many suggestions with ideas you might want to try. In addition to the responses that c
Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Carol Lane Good Morning, For those of us in the north, snowflakes are a big part of the winter season. When it snows, like it did last weekend, snowflakes change ordinary places with their unusual beauty. The special place I remember is the hill by our house. When my son, Bryon, was young, he loved to sled down the hill with his sister and friends, laughing all the way. It was a joy to see the children playing
Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week is from a TAPS seminar. I was inspired to use it by the suggestions given by several survivors this week. I had not thought about cooking as a way to manage stress, but you will read more in the Answers from Survivors section. TAPS is constantly working on events and programs to help survivors on their journey. As you read this, think a