Search Page

Search Result

I Know He's Dead, But... I Know He's Dead, But... I Know He's Dead, But... Shanette Booker Ok, I completely understand that if you are no longer breathing, have been declared dead by the medical examiner, and have a death certificate, that it means you are no longer amongst the living, have passed away, and yes that does me that you are dead. I am completely ok with the lingo and the terminology used when discussing or describing that someone has stepped into the proverbial light. That has never been an issue. I
Knowing the Pain Is Not Like Understanding the Pain Knowing the Pain Is Not Like Understanding the Pain Knowing the Pain Is Not Like Understanding the Pain Shanette Booker I have heard it from friends, family members, and other widows who have also heard it: “I know what you are going through and I understand your pain.” I know we all have heard it and if not, then we have heard it this way: “I don’t know what you are going through but I understand your pain.” I find myself always thinking: “you don’t know and you will never understand…and
Bring on 2013 Bring on 2013 Bring on 2013 Dayna Wood January 4th 2011 was the last day I ever saw Ko. It wasn’t the last time we talked, but it was the last time he hugged and kissed me. I remember him holding me in the lobby of my apartment building and whispering in my ear “You know I’ll be back, right?” He didn’t come back. As I learn to carry on without him here physically, I’m constantly presented with new challenges and hurdles. Most recently, the challenge has been acclimating and adapting to life
Military Survivor Helps Fellow Ex-Spouses Navigate Unique Grief Military Survivor Helps Fellow Ex-Spouses Navigate Unique Grief Military Survivor Helps Fellow Ex-Spouses Navigate Unique Grief \| TAPS TAPS If there’s one thing Tracye Hernandez-Bynum has learned in the past 11 years, it’s that no one’s grief is irrelevant. Tracye’s ex-husband, Army Staff Sgt. Robert Hernandez, was killed in action in 2006. Tracye and Robert have a son together, who was 11 when his father died. The grief Tracye felt over the loss of her ex-husband was palpable, but others ar
D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation \| TAPS Jim Hake Today is the 75th Anniversary of D-Day — the beginning of the Allied invasion of Normandy and the turning point in the liberation of Europe in World War II. My father was part of the invasion at Utah Beach. He decided to enlist in the Navy after the attack on Pearl Harbor and became a SeaBee. “SeaBee” comes from CB or Construction Battalion. As a Chief Shipfitter, my father’s job was to s
We All Want 'What We Ain't Got' We All Want 'What We Ain't Got' We All Want 'What We Ain't Got' Rachael Hill Music has always been a huge part of my life. I come from a musical family and started taking piano lessons in first grade, but my husband was the one who opened my eyes to a whole new side of music. Whenever driving in the car, Jeff and I would always listen to a wide variety of songs and after a while, I realized that while I was listening to the notes and rhythms, he was listening to the words and would often tell
12 Years of Grief 12 Years of Grief 12 Years of Grief \| TAPS Kaitlyn Branson Editor’s note: Today is Children's Grief Awareness Day. Throughout this month, we are featuring stories from surviving children, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, their experiences and how best to support them. This essay first appeared on the author's Facebook page. As many of you know, I lost my dad 12 years ago. I want to start by saying this post focuses completely on ON
The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It \| TAPS Sonia Rai The other day, someone asked me whether I would consider myself a widow. I know that people need labels, but honestly, I haven’t thought much into what I would call myself. Things have been confusing recently. The number of times that question has come up has caused me to ask myself what John and I were. What was he to me and me to him? Was he my “boyfriend?” No… the word itself sounds so trivial. The word
Book Shelf: “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” Book Shelf: “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” Book Shelf: “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” TAPS By Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. Reviewed by TAPS Peer Mentor Karen Connell My family therapist through the VA gave me the book, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One.” I really wish I had read this book earlier. Authors Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. have both experienced loss and trauma in their lives, and they used the
Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Elizabeth Rozier This is the toughest week of my year. Yesterday was Jonathan’s birthday and Thursday is the anniversary of his death. I know people have a lot of beliefs about their dead loved ones, where they are, what they are doing and if they can hear them. I have been to Jon’s grave 3 times in the last 8 years. I think maybe this year I will try to go again although going there brings me no comfort because I know he isn’t there. His body i
It's Not Fair It's Not Fair It's Not Fair Rachael Hill I am finding that grief can rear its head in ways that I never expected. “Attacks” of missing my husband come without a moments notice and one day I can be feeling great, pressing on with life while the next day arrives with a completely new set of emotions. It can sometimes be a serious emotional roller coaster! For me there is new meaning to the phrase “one day at a time”. I recently had a span of a few days where I just wasn’t myself and was mis
5 Ideas to Make it Through Valentine's Day Without Your Love 5 Ideas to Make it Through Valentine's Day Without Your Love 5 Ideas to Make it Through Valentine's Day Without Your Love August Cabrera For many of us who have lost a sweetheart – a husband, wife, fiancé, significant other – Valentine’s Day and all the related hoopla can be very hard to deal with. Here are five tips that may help keep your head and heart pieced together on what can be a tough day. 1. Be kind. If that means buying yourself flowers, then do it. If that means an entire box o
Video: How to Get Outside When You Can’t: Navigating Barriers to Healing in Nature Video: How to Get Outside When You Can’t: Navigating Barriers to Healing in Nature How to Get Outside When You Can’t: Navigating Barriers to Healing in Nature Webinar \| TAPS Institute Rachel Hunsell Each day we are learning more and more about the vast benefits of healing our mind, body and spirit in nature from the positive physical impacts of exposure to sunshine and fresh air to the array of ecological metaphors that aid in our meaning-making process. Yet, rarely do you see the headlines n
Video: #HopeHelpHeal Suicide Prevention PSA #HopeHelpHeal Suicide Prevention PSA #HopeHelpHeal Suicide Prevention PSA TAPS Media This 30-second public service announcement (PSA) is part of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) #HopeHelpHeal campaign. It serves to raise awareness about suicide and prevention throughout the month of September in observation of National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. #HopeHelpHeal Suicide Prevention PSA This 30-second public service announcement (PSA) serves to raise awareness abou
Growth is a Sign of Life Growth is a Sign of Life Growth is a Sign of Life Elizabeth Rozier For the first time in over a decade, my family had an official family portrait taken. My mom never passes on a great deal and when Groupon sent out one for portraits she bought it and set the date with enough warning no one could give adequate excuse to miss. I know I am writing to people who understand the importance of this occasion and to whom some things don’t need explaining; but for those who need the clarification, i
Washington Capitals Launch Courage Caps, Host Skating Party for TAPS Families Washington Capitals Launch Courage Caps, Host Skating Party for TAPS Families Washington Capitals Launch Courage Caps, Host Skating Party for TAPS Families TAPS Washington Capitals American-born players John Carlson, Connor Carrick and Jack Hillen hosted more than 120 children and adults assisted by Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) for a skating party at Kettler Capitals Iceplex on Monday, Feb. 3. The event kicked off the 2013-14 Courage Caps campaign sponsored by Telos Co
Making New Summer Memories Making New Summer Memories Making New Summer Memories \| TAPS Elizabeth Culp Sergent When we woke that Thursday morning in May, our boys, ages 8 and 5, were excited that there were only two weeks left of school until summer break. At 8:08 that evening, our whole world changed when that knock landed on our front door. Those two weeks came and went while we attended Brian’s funeral service and met with our casualty assistance officer. And then came summer. With no routine, no structure, and n
6 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Widow 6 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Widow 6 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Widow August Cabrera Beginning the widow walk is a struggle, but there are some basic truths that would have helped me navigate those first few months with maybe a bit more grace and certainly more confidence. Here’s what I’ve learned since then, in hopes of making the start of your grief journey a tiny bit easier. 1. You can’t screw this up. People will judge, you’ll be looked at strangely, and the worst part is that t
Uncharted Territory Uncharted Territory Uncharted Territory Angelia Brinneman Dating after Loss With the coming of the holiday season, do widows and widowers feel more alone? I know I always do. Parties, get-togethers, and holiday celebrations seem to bring out couples everywhere, but I am still alone. We are expected to be cheerful… and even happy to meet our friends’ and siblings’ new significant others, but all it does is make us feel more alone. Nobody really understands why we aren’t joyful during the holi
There Is Absolutely Magic in Gratitude 'There Is Absolutely Magic in Gratitude' There Is Absolutely Magic in Gratitude \| TAPS Amber Hockman Unexpected, tragic loss changes a person forever. I believe that we get to choose how it changes us. We can let it destroy us, turning us bitter and angry and cold. Or we can let it soften us, making us kinder and gentler and more grateful. It isn’t an easy choice, either way. Those of us who have lost our loved ones know this to be true. We know the struggle to choose life again after we have
Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving? Michele Hiester Marcum Ever notice how holiday greetings begin with “happy”? Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year! And whether you celebrate Hanukkah or Christmas, they, too, are paired with “Happy” and “Merry”. Even ordinary days like Friday become Happy Friday! It seems everyone is full of cheer. Back in the 80s, Bobby McFerrin had a song advising us, Don’t Worry… Be Happy, and just this last year, Pharrell Williams released a ditty d
I Wish I Wish I Wish Michele Hiester Marcum Once upon a time, I had all the answers. Or at least, I thought I did. My life was more predictable than not, and with all the wisdom of my youth, I just knew that I could handle any roadblock I encountered… all by myself. Independence is a good thing, right? All that changed on a chilly, sunny day in March of 2005. That’s the day I received the call that many of you have experienced. Someone you love isn’t coming home. Looking back on that time in my
Introducing Dayna Wood Introducing Dayna Wood Introducing Dayna Wood Dayna Wood At one point in my life I thought a year was a long time, and in some ways I still agree with that, but at the same time, it often feels like I blink and another year has gone by. The last 13 months have been particularly rough. My fiancé SSG Su Wan Ko was killed in an automobile accident in March 2011. The months without him have felt like years, but the time I spent with him felt too short. It seems to be a cruel joke of life. Now
The Valley of the Shadow The Valley of the Shadow…Where Every Day Is Memorial Day The Valley of the Shadow…Where Every Day Is Memorial Day \| TAPS Heather Gray Blalock Those of us who have lost a loved one often feel as if we reside in the valley of the shadow of death. Every day is Memorial Day because not a day goes by when we aren’t remembering the one we lost. For me, the official Memorial Day felt different this year. In past years, I climbed Pikes Peak with my late husband’s unit, I founded a nonprofit that host
Beyond the Burst of Support Beyond the Burst of Support Beyond the Burst of Support Shauna Springer The period just after traumatic loss is incredibly painful, overwhelming and tumultuous. In the wake of a tragedy, many survivors experience the secondary impact of loss when those they thought would always stand at their side are not as supportive as they’d hoped, or not supportive at all. So often, we’ve heard that grief “changes our address book,” but the warning doesn’t necessarily make it easy to face. It’s common
The Day Before Our Last Day The Day Before Our Last Day The Day Before Our Last Day Shanette Booker I contemplated just how my 1 year mark would be…what I should expect…and how I think things will be for me. I think my thinking has driven me crazy, and I think that I always expect things to be worse than they are, considering Dre passed away just days after celebrating both his and our son’s birthdays. But then again my mother always said: “Thinking comes from not knowing”, and in this case she definitely was right.
Breaking Barriers and Building Strength: My Journey to the Ice Track Breaking Barriers and Building Strength: My Journey to the Ice Track Breaking Barriers and Building Strength: My Journey to the Ice Track \| TAPS Brandon Blackmore Editor's Note: As TAPS Education Support Service Advocate Brandon Blackmore prepares to compete in the Empire State Winter Games January 30 to February 2, 2025, he shares words of inspiration that resonate with anyone journeying through grief as much as they do for a competitive athlete. There’s something humbling about standing a
P.S. I’ve Got a Big Secret P.S. I’ve Got a Big Secret A Military Widow's Secret - TAPS News Linda Ambard I’ve got a big secret and soon the world will know it. The person involved will know it, but to understand the magnitude of these unspoken words, one must reflect on the past. A little more than five years ago, everything I knew about my life imploded with the assassination of my Phil. We had been married for more than 23 years and the only dreams I had revolved around growing old and dying together one day far away
Run and Remember: Finding Our Stride Run and Remember: Finding Our Stride Run and Remember: Finding Our Stride Marie Campbell How the Marine Corps Marathon became a fundraiser for TAPS On June 25, 1996, at three o’clock in the morning, my life changed forever when three Air Force officials knocked on my door to tell me that my husband and best friend, Dee “Soup” Campbell, was one of nineteen Airmen who did not survive a terrorist attack at the Khobar Towers Military Housing Complex in Saudi Arabia. I couldn’t comprehend this, s
2 Tips for Men on the Grief Journey 2 Tips for Men on the Grief Journey 2 Tips for Men on the Grief Journey Gabriel Rao We’ve all been given tips — how to shoot a ball, which oil to use, what tires are best, even which stock to buy. But when it comes to our lives after loss we aren’t having the conversations to share what we’ve learned. As men, we tend to be the fixers, the doers, the listeners. We like to fix things; we tinker around, take the time to dissect what’s broken and learn the inner workings and put it together. B
The Mask of Being OK The Mask of Being OK The Mask of Being OK \| TAPS Sammi Hester With the fall season fully underway, I find myself reflecting. My children and I have always loved the excitement Fall brings. With festivals, fires, and flavors, the senses come to life and new memories are made. For our family, Fall also signals the start of the holiday season, beginning with Halloween. While I know not everyone celebrates Halloween, the topic brought to mind the masks that are often worn during this t
I Thought I Knew Grief... TAPS Has Set a New Course for My Future I Thought I Knew Grief... TAPS Has Set a New Course for My Future I Thought I Knew Grief... TAPS Has Set a New Course for My Future \| TAPS John Wellington Huss II I don’t need to learn about grief– I am living grief. The overwhelming waves of sorrow and raging undertows of fear pull me out to sea. When the waves rise, I can pop my head up and gasp for air, sometimes for an extended time. But, the waves inevitably crash. They spin me head over heels and drag me down. The riptides continue, wav
Enough Enough Enough Michele Hiester Marcum I had the privilege of spending New Year’s Day with my third-grade scouts, shivering at our local state park. What was intended to be a lesson on conservation and environmental responsibility for them turned out to be yet another life lesson for me. Nothing like a chilly 20 degree day and my own words to clear the holiday fog from my brain. Before I explain all that, I need to tell you a little about where I am in my own journey. For many reasons, this ha
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet, all are sleeping but me. He’s been dead over 3 years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of 26 years. Don’t believe I could have done it early on, but it seems like a good move now. It was painful to watch the little boys in our subdivision chase snakes and frogs in the “coulee”. My boys used to do that, coming in for snacks with billy goat sweat on their noses
Layers of Grief After Suicide Loss Layers of Grief After Suicide Loss Layers of Grief After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Cheryl Fischer Grief is complicated and layered. It takes and it gives. It changes a person forever and whittles you down to who you really are and have always been. It becomes a part of you even as you desperately wish it would go away and stay away. I lost my Army son almost two years ago to suicide. No one, myself included, ever saw it coming. He always presented as happy-go-lucky, high-energy, and funny
Photos: teams4taps Warriors teams4taps and the Golden State Warriors teams4taps with the Golden State Warriors Photos \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (22 photos and 1 video) //
TAPS Peer Mentor Honors Son by Earning College Degree TAPS Peer Mentor Honors Son by Earning College Degree TAPS Peer Mentor Honors Son by Earning College Degree \| TAPS TAPS After four years and a half years of late-night study sessions, writing research papers, and sitting in lecture halls, Joanne Staral was relieved to finally be able to put on a cap and gown, walk across the stage, and receive her college diploma. But Joanne wasn’t the typical college graduate. She wasn’t a twenty-something entering the real world for the first time. Instead
Video: Our TAPS Family Video: Our TAPS Family Video: Our TAPS Family TAPS Media Since 1994, TAPS has provided comfort and care 24/7 to all those grieving the death of a military loved one, with services available at no cost to surviving families and loved ones. Select image below to play. military bereaved, caring for the military families of the fallen Video Container Since 1994, TAPS has provided comfort and care 24/7 to all those grieving the death of a military loved one, with services available at no cost t
The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve Laura Morrison We have lots of choices in life. We choose what job to have, where to live, who we want to be. Every day we make choices both big and small; the choices are all around us. But when it comes to grief, it can feel like there is no choice. Grief is thrust upon us, and I don’t think anyone takes it well. I know my family didn’t. I’ll never forget the phone call from Keith’s dad. “The DoD just left my house,” he said a few times before I
The Grief Journey and My Adult Children The Grief Journey and My Adult Children The Grief Journey and My Adult Children Linda Ambard One of the most difficult aspects of losing Phil was I could barely help myself. I couldn’t fix my own hurts and I couldn’t fix the hurts in my children. It wasn’t that we invented things to implode the closeness we had once shared, but we couldn’t make our way out of the darkness. Nobody wanted anyone else to feel worse if they were having a hard day, so we kept in our own lanes. The collateral d
I'm Not Angry I'm Not Angry I'm Not Angry Michele Hiester Marcum I’m not angry. And that makes me mad. If you’re confused by that, then that makes two of us! Let me explain… During the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, I’d been especially mindful this year of the gamut of emotions existing among those crossing my path each day. There are driven shoppers, eager to snatch up deals with the tenacity of pit bulls, leaving nothing but empty shelves and harsh words in their wake. There are the sw
Rock On Rock On Rock On Michele Hiester Marcum When I was about three years old, I received a diminutive barrel-back rocker for Christmas from my aunt and uncle. Secured against the bottom runner was a little music box that would play a tinny melody with each forward motion. And when I rocked back, the music stopped. I don’t remember what my brother received that year, but I’m certain it paled in comparison to the significance of my gift. I loved that little chair, and when I left home to start my ow
July 28th... July 28th... July 28th... Rachael Hill On July 28, 2012, it will be two years since I sent my husband to work for the last time. Two years since I last hugged and kissed him good-bye. Two years since I last heard him tell me he loved me. Two years since the four crew members of Sitka 43 took off for the very last time. Has it really been that long? Has another year really gone by? Where did it go? What did we do? It is still hard for me to believe that it has been two years since Jeff’s
You Don't Know What You Don't Know You Don't Know What You Don't Know You Don't Know What You Don't Know \| TAPS Ryan Weaver Sharing Music, A Message, and Finding an Open Forum to Heal Country music artist and military veteran Ryan Weaver. Have you ever walked in to a room since you’ve lost your loved one and felt that anyone, much less everyone, really grasped how much you’ve been through? How many times have you felt strongly, if not more, for someone else’s loss that you focused on their loss as much as your own, ev
From Uncertainty to Excitement at the TAPS College Experience From Uncertainty to Excitement at the TAPS College Experience From Uncertainty to Excitement at the TAPS College Experience \| TAPS Maxx Ray The importance of education has always been instilled in my personal beliefs. Though, post-secondary school always gave me doubts — What if I’m not smart enough? What if I haven’t done enough? There were so many uncertainties that floated around my mind, causing me to get way too worked up at the thought of college. I began to over-stress about college, w
In the Midst of Grief In the Midst of Grief: What We Can Learn From Our Children What We Can Learn From Our Children in the Midst of Grief \| TAPS Amanda Gallagher I am a mother to three incredible daughters, who have always given me more than I could ever give them. They are bright, kind, and funny. Since the day each of them was born, I’ve learned more about love than I can put into words. All their father or I ever wanted for them was the absolute best. Above all, we wanted what all parents want for their kids—t
Finding My Faith Finding My Faith Finding My Faith Rachael Hill I don’t normally write about my faithin my blog but something hit me recently that I just have to share. This past month my boys and I went to visit some friends out of state. Not just any friends, but my FLO (Family Liaison Officer) and his wife who we have become extremely close with since my husband’s death 27 months ago. I had known Daniel for many years before hebecame my FLO and he had worked very closely with my husband Jeff on numerous o
How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One From a Distance How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One From a Distance How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One From a Distance \| TAPS Janice Miller It was difficult when my Uncle Ted died earlier this year and I was unable to attend his funeral. I felt like I couldn’t be there for my mom and the rest of the family, which added to my feelings of sadness and grief. I was, however, able to find some creative ways to help my mother and give her the support she needed. It felt like a modest effort, but I could tell
You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief \| TAPS Kelly Griffith Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. As the snow compacted beneath the weight of my heavy boots, I began to cry. I was tired — exhausted, really — covered in layer upon layer of brand name cold weather gear and yet still shivering from the amount of sweat rolling down my back. Ice crystals formed on my eyebrows and lashes. It hadn’t stopped snowing since I’d arrived three days
Watching My Kids Grow Watching My Kids Grow Watching My Kids Grow Rachael Hill Three weeks after my husband’s accident my oldest son started kindergarten. Now my youngest is in kindergarten and it is a hard sting for me, not because my little buddy isn’t home with me during the day anymore, but because it is the harsh reality of how much time has gone by that Jeff has not been a part of. I often get asked the question, “How are the boys?” How do you really answer that? Do I even really know how they’re doing? I
Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Michele Hiester Marcum I am a planner. A calendar-toting, pen-in-hand, master of the daily grind. Phone apps? Electronic devices? Social networking reminders? Nope, none for me, thank you. I like the old-fashioned, whole month-at-a-glance paper variety with a small space in which to write each day’s activities. Last minute addition? No sweat. A squiggly arrow and a different color ink allow that mo
The Year of Firsts The Year of "Firsts" The Year of Firsts \| TAPS Stephanie Frogge Managing the Holiday Season For the recently bereaved, the year of “firsts” is an immediate challenge. Each holiday, significant event, personal milestone and family tradition can throw a spotlight on the unremitting ache of our beloved’s absence. We may be in the midst of emotional overload and depleted energy, but the calendar tells us that we’re expected to have some response to holidays and occasions. Mid-November through
Giving Myself Grace to Trust the Grief Process Giving Myself Grace to Trust the Grief Process Giving Myself Grace to Trust the Grief Process \| TAPS Mary Leaphart Growing up, my family treasured spending time together during the holiday season. Even as my siblings and I headed off to college one-by-one, we were all expected home for the holidays and our traditions were preserved. But, when my brother joined the Army and received an assignment in Germany, our tradition became harder to keep. One Christmas Eve, Mom, Dad, my two sisters an
TAPS Military Mentors Are at the Heart of TIME101 Recognition TAPS Military Mentors Are at the Heart of TIME101 Recognition TAPS Military Mentors Are at the Heart of TIME101 Recognition TAPS The April issue of Time magazine featured the publication’s annual list of the 100 most influential people, and TAPS was proud to be included as this year’s TIME101 honoree in partnership with Gillette and Time’s award-winning branded content division Red Border. In case you missed the feature, TAPS Military Mentors were shown sharing special moments with their
Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Earl has become an online global sensation! This week, he reached the kind of fame that can only be described as viral when he was the star of a heartwarming video that’s been viewed more than 4 million times. His story has been featured in newscasts coast to coast and it’s fair to say America has fallen in love with Earl. Behind the cute pup’s rise from sickl
Volunteer Spotlight: Matthew Navas Volunteer Spotlight: Matthew Navas Volunteer Spotlight: Matthew Navas \| TAPS Melissa Burris Matthew Navas has dedicated himself to serving others. He served his country as an Army combat medic, he served his fellow soldiers. After 9/11, he cared for the victims of the attack at the World Trade Center. Two years ago, Matthew went to the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp as a corporate volunteer with his employer, Hasbro—the company that makes Monopoly, Play
5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child 5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child 5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child Jonathan Kirkendall April is Month of the Military Child. And too often, our surviving military children don’t feel like they are part of this community of kids any longer. Here are some ideas for how to honor your surviving military children this month (and every month) to help them know they are part of this family and worth celebrating. 1. Let them know that April is Month of the Military Child
Learning to Breathe Again at IslandWood Learning to Breathe Again at IslandWood Learning to Breathe Again at IslandWood Elizabeth Culp Sergent In August my boys and I attended the first annual TAPS Family Campout in western Washington state. Initially my boys were excited but I was a little hesitant. Even though we are past the one year anniversary of my husband’s death I find myself avoiding events remembering and honoring lost loved ones. We have worked diligently on healing and moving forward and living our lives. Th
Baby Steps Baby Steps Baby Steps Dayna Wood I always try to tell myself that managing grief is all about baby steps. It took me a long time to actually eat a full meal. I spent hours hiding in the bathtub or in closets just because I didn’t want others to see me cry. Yet, I somehow managed to overcome these obstacles. Day by day I learn to cope a little more. However, it the smallest things that still get to me and have the power to send my mood spiraling downward. For example, it always blows me awa
Destiny: Realizing Not Everything Dies With Our Loved Ones Destiny: Realizing Not Everything Dies With Our Loved Ones Destiny: Realizing Not Everything Dies With Our Loved Ones Elizabeth Rozier I know it’s hard for many of us to imagine a world outside of our injured heart. The hole created by the death of our loved ones becomes the central focus of everything. The way we react, think, dream, etc. all centers around that injury. While I will never stop telling people about my brother I have made a conscious effort this year to not let that steer my
Facing Grief During a Pandemic Facing Grief During a Pandemic Facing Grief During a Pandemic \| TAPS Meagan Greygor After my favorite person on the planet died, it was difficult to find any sort of peace. My friends and family mistook my numbness for peace. I think a lot of grievers go through this. On the outside, we smile, we say we’re OK. Inside, our every particle of being is screaming. Daniel Allen Evans and Meagan Greygor My favorite person on the planet was my husband, U.S. Army veteran Daniel Allen Evans.
Good vs. Bad Pain Good vs. Bad Pain Good vs. Bad Pain \| TAPS Emily Munoz Finding Power and Purpose through the Hurt We know that pain is uncomfortable, but can it also be a good thing? A useful thing? Pain can be a valuable teacher. But as much as we may learn from it, we may also feel compelled to avoid it. It takes tremendous emotional energy to constantly have to come to terms with how much has gone awry. How much should we wrestle with how hurt we are, and how much should we surrender? Photo c
Steer into the Skid Steer into the Skid Steer into the Skid \| TAPS Randy Beard A strategy for coping with grief Grief feels a lot like winter. Winter is cloudy, overcast and cold. The heavy, gray skies make you want to withdraw. People tend to stay closed up indoors, isolated from their friends. The days are dark and icy and bleak. Our family's grief-winter started when two Army officers showed up on our doorstep early one morning in October 2004. It felt like a cloud of winter descended over everything. Its ic
Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Betsy Beard You Can’t Take It With You It is said that one of the tasks of grieving is to relocate the loved one from being a physical presence to that of residing in our hearts and memories. It is not an easy task. And we really don’t want to do it. We just want them to come home and walk in the door. And after a few years, we get it. They’re not coming home. They won’t be watching this movie, reading that book, or wearing those clo
Breaking Away from Loneliness Breaking Away from Loneliness Breaking Away from Loneliness \| TAPS Emily Munoz Grief is inherently about interrupted connection. We are separated from someone we love. Loneliness, then, is logical. I just didn’t expect it to show up, years after the searing had turned to scarring. When it did, it was because, in my early grief, I leaned so much into the hope that the universe still held joy and purpose for me, that eventually this would all make sense. But loneliness showed up, clutching
The Love Lives On Act The Love Lives On Act The Love Lives On Act \| TAPS TAPS Linda Ambard This Valentine’s Day, TAPS honors not just the love we have all lost, but the love many of our surviving spouses have found since their loss. TAPS has been the driving force on the Love Lives On Act, which would allow surviving spouses to remarry at any age and maintain their benefits — because being widowed should not penalize you from the possibility of finding love in the future. The bill will be reintroduced later thi
Five Years into the After: A Letter to Owen Five Years into the After: A Letter to Owen Five Years into the After: A Letter to Owen \| TAPS Kelly Lennon Fitzpatrick Hello Little Brother, I think about you every day. I know you know that. Each year around your anniversary, the thoughts become strings of words, and I’ve tried to record my changing feelings around the times “Before” and “After.” This year, the words have changed and are less for me and more for you — my conversation with you. We feel you all around us, and are reminded of
From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg Vanessa Hanna-Verrett There are moments in life when exactly what you need meets you where you are. Some people credit this to a higher power, some give a nod to lucky stars, and others call it chance. Vanessa Hanna-Verrett, a TAPS Helpline associate, doesn’t believe anything happens by chance. Vanessa wasn’t always an associa
Helping Yourself Grow Through Loss When You Face Holidays in Grief Helping Yourself Grow Through Loss When You Face Holidays in Grief Helping Yourself Grow Through Loss When You Face Holidays in Grief \| TAPS William Hoy Sights, sounds, and smells of the holidays remind you this year that things are very different. In fact, you may find yourself dreading the holiday season more than any other period since you became a bereaved person. The holidays are especially hard in grief because they are occasions of great sentiment. Everywhere we go— the shopping mall
How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life \| TAPS Nicole Langhorst September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the first of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suici
How I learned to take ownership of my grief How I learned to take ownership of my grief How I learned to take ownership of my grief \| TAPS Jennifer Keeling September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the second of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at
5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief 5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief 5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief \| TAPS Amanda Klager You can Google the definition of grief and read it over and over again, but until you go through it you’ll never fully understand. When my brother, Army Spc. Adam Klager, died friends and loved ones came to my side. They cried with me. They were there for me. But they didn’t understand what I was going through. My family was grieving as well, but their grief was d
Birthdays Without Dad Birthdays Without Dad Birthdays Without Dad Allicia Johnson January 31, 1974. At about 8:30 AM Burr Johnson III stood next to his sweet wife, Nanette in the delivery room. It had been a long night since her water broke late the afternoon before and things had just started to really progress. He stroked her hair back, kissed her forehead and squeezed her hand as another wave of contractions hit. His heart soared with love and excitement as his stomach knotted with anticipation of the heavy res
Running for Dad on Father's Day Running for Dad on Father's Day Running for Dad on Father's Day Allicia Johnson When I first started writing for TAPS it was just kind of a given I would be submitting a Father’s Day post. I thought this would be one of my easiest submissions—until I attended the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar last month. I went with the intention of being a shoulder to cry on and support to strangers who were young in their grief, only to end up with tear stains on my own cheeks more often than I
Resuming Something Set Aside: The Maine Thing Resuming Something Set Aside: The Maine Thing Resuming Something Set Aside: The Maine Thing Michele Hiester Marcum Vacations have always been a prominent source of my most treasured childhood memories. More often than not, I remember the little details more than the destinations. I don’t remember many of the cities we visited, the events we attended, or the sights we saw. But I remember dining on ham sandwiches from an old Coleman cooler in a hotel room. And I remember playing cards with m
My Death Wish My Death Wish My Death Wish Michele Hernandez Moving from Misery to Meaning It is an odd and frightening sensation to wish you were dead. After my husband died I fervently wished I could die, too. The first time I read that grieving people sometimes fantasize about death, I was relieved. My entire life I had appreciated the gift of life; to suddenly and frequently wish it away was a disconcerting and lonely experience. When my husband, Phil, was hit by a car, the initial shock provided
7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays 7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays 7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays \| TAPS Heather Stang Grief during the holidays serves up a perfect storm where joyous memories crash against reality and expectations, something that is especially tough when it’s a child who’s grieving. I know this firsthand. On October 18, 1977, my uncle Doug died by suicide. I was 7 years old. While I don’t remember the specifics of the Thanksgiving and Christmas that followed, what I
Coming Home Coming Home Coming Home Michele Hiester Marcum Somebody somewhere once said, “Home is where the heart is,” and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that quote over the years, I could probably take a vacation - away from home. I’m not a world-class traveler who circles the globe on a regular basis, but we do indulge in periodic family getaways. We love to visit places we’ve never been, and we enjoy planning all the details of each trip: where we eat, where we sleep, and what we see a
Reaching Out to Others Reaching Out to Others Reaching Out to Others Darcie Sims Grief can be so isolating. We may find ourselves exhausted beyond our capabilities, hurt beyond endurance, and lonely beyond belief. No one seems to know what to say or how to behave around us. Many of us have discovered we are grieving not just the death of our loved one, but the loss of friendships, self-esteem, and self-identity as well. When our loved one died, we were surrounded by people, but the silence was deafening. Hardly
Star Light, Star Bright Star Light, Star Bright Star Light, Star Bright Darcie Sims Did you ever wish upon a star? Did you ever stand outside, on a summer night and feel the soft darkness enfold you like black velvet, the gentle night breeze kissing your cheeks, the grass tickling your bare toes? Did you ever lie on your back, looking at the starry quilt tossed over the heavens? Did you ever see a shooting star and wonder where it came from and where it was going? Did you ever search for a special star and wish on i
I Never Said Goodbye I Never Said Goodbye I Never Said Goodbye \| TAPS Matt Davison We weren’t very close in the traditional sense not back-slapping buddies, nor kindred spirits. We would never have met on the street we’d have gone our separate ways oblivious to one another. We could never agree on politics, religion, morals — he was the Rock of Gibraltar I was a rolling stone. He was of another time when people still believed in the dream and fought to protect it. He held but one job, loved but one
How Well Do You Know TAPS Education Support Services? How Well Do You Know TAPS Education Support Services? How Well Do You Know TAPS Education Support Services? \| TAPS TAPS Busting Common Myths Myth: TAPS Education Support Services is just for surviving children. Myth Busted: We absolutely support surviving children entering college, but that isn’t all we do! Education Support Services serves surviving family members of any age or relationship to the fallen. Myth: TAPS Education Support Services is just for college-bound students.
How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves Mike Aldapa I had just gotten off a flight when I noticed the message from a TAPS staff member on my phone. She asked for my help in supporting a surviving mother, Tatiana Oddson, who lived near me. This surviving mom was running the New York City Half Marathon on the six-month anniversary of her son’s death. It was her tribute to her son, Air Force Airman 1st Class Alfred Komlev. Each month since her son died, Tatia
A Gold Star Mother's Day Reflection A Gold Star Mother's Day Reflection A Gold Star Mother's Day Reflection Carol Lane Gold Star Mother’s Day is recognized the last Sunday of the month of September. Each year I wear my pin to church as a remembrance of my son, U.S. Marine Corps Sergeant Bryon Lane, who died in July 2001. This has been quite a journey. It all started with a phone call to me while I was at a summer curriculum meeting at school. I was told to come home as there had been an accident. All the way home, I wasn’t
An Etiquette for Grief An Etiquette for Grief An Etiquette for Grief \| TAPS Crystal Gromer This article was previously published in the March 1996 issue of Vogue magazine and the Summer 1996 issue of TAPS Magazine. On a hot night in July 19 years ago, my husband Mark died. He was 24 years old. He was smart and witty and bright, he had thick brown hair that he pushed off his forehead and that shone auburn and a little gold in the light, and he loved me, of that I have no doubt. In all the pictures I have of him
Photos: teams4taps Squirrels teams4taps Richmond Squirrels Baseball Game TAPS at Richmond Squirrels Baseball Game \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (175 photos) TAPS Military Appreciation Night with the Good Feet Store at the Richmond Squirrels Game. Photos courtesy of Windett Photography. //
Video: A Holiday Message to our TAPS Family Video: A Holiday Message to our TAPS Family Video: A Holiday Message to our TAPS Family \| TAPS TAPS Media This holiday season, we remember your loved one and hold you close in our heart. Your TAPS Family gets it, we understand that these are difficult days. You are not alone. TAPS is here for you throughout the holidays and every day. Learn more at TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and at TAPS Services. Select image below to play. military survivor, coping during the holidays T
Video: Bonnie Carroll Speaks at the TAPS Honor Guard Gala Video: Bonnie Carroll Speaks at the TAPS Honor Guard Gala Video: Bonnie Carroll Speaks at the TAPS Honor Guard Gala \| TAPS TAPS Media TAPS President and Founder, Bonnie Carroll speaks at the 2023 TAPS Honor Guard Gala on March 22, 2023. "The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) is a family of all of us grieving the death of a military loved one. TAPS was founded to come alongside the military to fill gaps, to mend hearts, to compliment existing support. TAPS is there in the darkes
Video: Remember the Families of the Fallen this Memorial Day Video: Remember the Families of the Fallen this Memorial Day Video: Remember the Families of the Fallen this Memorial Day \| TAPS TAPS Media "Who is Memorial Day for? It's for all of us. It's for all Americans to remember we enjoy our many freedoms because of a brave few who dedicated their lives to this country and who died much too soon from wounds seen and unseen." ~ Bonnie Carroll, TAPS President and Founder Learn more about the TAPS Mission and ways to support TAPS. Select image below t
Love Is Never Forgotten: Dealing With Trauma Re-Triggered by Current Events Love Is Never Forgotten: Dealing With Trauma Re-Triggered by Current Events Love Is Never Forgotten: Dealing With Trauma Re-Triggered by Current Events \| TAPS Briana Hobbs My dad embarked on a journey to fight for Afghan freedom in 2004. Journey best describes anything my dad did. He didn’t just do things– he embodied them. In everything he did, he was all in. As a unique renaissance man, he had a charisma that drew people in and made them fall in love. He was a creative weirdo, philosoph
Video: Mindfulness as Your Superpower Video: Mindfulness as Your Superpower Video: Mindfulness as Your Superpower Webinar \| TAPS Institute Jill Harrington-LaMorie Heather Stang Mindfulness isn’t just for naturally calm people. It is a superpower that can help us cope with the most challenging emotions—even grief. Using superhero case examples, during this workshop, you will learn how mindfulness can help you navigate loss, improve your health, and cultivate much-needed compassion for your grieving heart. This video was recorded a
Video: Wellness Techniques for Reducing Stress and Anxiety Video: Wellness Techniques for Reducing Stress and Anxiety Video: Wellness Techniques for Reducing Stress and Anxiety Webinar \| TAPS Institute Neil Goodman In this recording of the webinar, you will be introduced to several powerful wellness tools, such as Mindfulness Meditation, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and the Heart Coherence procedure from the HeartMath Institute. These are keys to reducing the components of debilitating stress and can led to improved health and wellness during t
Video: Empowered Coping TAPS Talks Video: Empowered Coping Video: Empowered Coping \| TAPS Institute Erin Jacobson Emily Munoz “How are you?” is a question we hear often - it’s part of our default social repertoire. Yet, it doesn’t always signal the start of a conversation with genuine connection. Join us for a conversation about conversation as we explore how to ask and answer in ways that are truthful, authentic, and productive - and that deepen and strengthen feelings of belonging and connection. This live connec
Video: Go Outdoors! The Healing Power of Nature TAPS Talks Video: Go Outdoors! The Healing Power of Nature Video: Go Outdoors! The Healing Power of Nature \| TAPS Institute Tony Paz Rachel Hunsell Gabriel Rao This live connection, recorded by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® and presented by Tony Paz, TAPS Director of Outdoor Engagement, along with panelists Rachel Hunsell and Gabriel Rao, shares ideas for exploring beneficial outdoor activities and how adding those to your daily routine can boost your mood and relieve stress. Selec
Video: Mystical Experiences of the Dying and Bereaved Video: Mystical Experiences of the Dying and Bereaved Video: Mystical Experiences of the Dying and Bereaved \| TAPS Institute Terri Daniel Most of us have heard stories of extraordinary experiences such as deathbed visions, near-death journeys and after-death communications. Recorded by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing®, this webinar with Dr. Terri Daniel, explores how religious and cultural influences may affect what a person experiences in these dreams, visions and journeys. Rather t
Video: Who am I now? TAPS Talks Video: Who am I now? Video: Who am I now? \| TAPS Institute Erin Jacobson Often times a secondary loss after the death of a loved one is the loss of ourselves and the identity we have formerly known. In these challenging times, these questions may be even more acute. This live connection, recorded by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® and presented by Erin Jacobson, shares some tools for self-discovery as a way to examine how to reclaim our identities. Select image below t
Volunteer Spotlight: Surviving Military Parents Advocate for Fellow Survivors Volunteer Spotlight: Surviving Military Parents Advocate for Fellow Survivors Surviving Military Parents Advocate for Fellow Survivors \| TAPS TAPS For three and a half years, the Chicagoland community has had Andy and Julianne Weiss holding the tender hands of those in grief. Together, they facilitate the Chicago-area TAPS Care Group, a monthly support group for those who know the loss of someone who has served in the military. The couple are Peer Mentors and have trained in ASIST, Applied
Discovering a New Plan Discovering a New Plan Discovering a New Plan R. Glenn Kelly Almost as if spring were just a dream, summer is upon us, and we find ourselves in shorts, t-shirts and sandals, darting to and from air-conditioned spaces. Summer also brings another transition point for me after the traumatic loss of a child. In summer 2013, I lost my son and only child, Jonathan, when his heart failed during a relatively simple surgery. To me, summer will always be a reminder of the plans I had that were erase
Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Kelly Griffith I love running in the evenings, especially during the fall when the sun starts to set just a little bit earlier. After a long day I relish in the opportunity to disconnect from my phone and get outside. As the colors dance across the sky in the last rays of sunlight, I feel more connected to nature, my faith and myself. This golden hour reminds me of the peace I experienced in knowing I wasn’t alone on this journey. There is this moment wh
27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life Linda Ambard Eloping to Reno, NV on November 27, 1988, three days after Thanksgiving. Phil was upset Thanksgiving because of how my father was treating me (I was the first person EVER to get divorced in our family—total ostracization.) Phil didn’t care how people treated him, but it bothered him if people messed with me. As we drove back to Mountain Home Air Force Base
His Big Race His Big Race His Big Race Shanette Booker Dre was an avid runner, he ran track all through high school, loved running for PT, and would run after work if he felt stressed. Running for him was more than just a great workout or a sport, it was a way of life. When Dre was a child, he watched his mother run in many marathons throughout their city. He was so proud of her and he told me her participation in marathons was part of his reason for wanting to run, because she never gave up and always ra
HOLLOW-WEEN HOLLOW-WEEN HOLLOW-WEEN Michele Hiester Marcum It’s that spook-tacular time of year, with all things creepy and frightening lurking in the shadows and lunging from television ads as you mindlessly surf channels, looking for something worthy of your time and energy. And, quite frankly, I absolutely hate it. At one point in my life, it was an exciting challenge to see who could unmercifully scare whom, and it was doubly entertaining if someone cried or at least wet their pants. But that was
Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Michele Hiester Marcum Well, this will be our eighth Thanksgiving without my brother, and I just really can’t believe it’s been that long! Have we really gathered together over eight different turkeys…watched eight seasons of holiday football…braved eight Black Fridays of shopping nonsense since he left this Earth? I remember when I was counting moments and then mere hours, waiting for the agonizing grief to subside. Somewhere along that timeline, the hours stretched
Grief Is. Grief Is. Grief Is. \| TAPS Augusto Cespedes Grief is a memory— a deep thought you once tucked away and wished a hundred, million times was a fleeting moment. Valentine’s Day, 2007, early evening, Haqlaniyah, Iraq — Danny Morris was the last one of my three best friends I had to say goodbye to. Grief is a nightmare — vivid, living, beating, haunting, but part of you doesn’t want to wake up. Confused and broken, I replayed his death over and over in my head, exhaustingly dissect
Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Grieving Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Grieving Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Grieving \| TAPS Kim Ruocco As the holidays approach I am flooded with memories of Christmases filled with laughter, love and special family togetherness. My husband John always took the holidays seriously, and his enthusiasm was infectious. One of my favorite memories is from when the children were little, maybe 3 and 5 years old. We couldn’t get the boys to sleep, a
So You Think You’re Going Crazy? So You Think You’re Going Crazy? So You Think You’re Going Crazy? Darcie Sims I first began to think about going crazy shortly after our son died. It seemed innocent enough in the beginning. Just an occasional sound that came from his bedroom or a whiff of his scent that would catch me by surprise. I didn’t think much of it. In fact, I rather enjoyed those little reminders of him. But after sharing my first encounter with him with a neighbor, I knew the rest of the world would think me daft.
Boxes in the Attic Boxes in the Attic Boxes in the Attic Betsy Beard Sorting, keeping, giving, and storing our loved ones’ personal effects Many of us have been faced with multiple shipments of personal effects from various corners of the world. Others of us are denied any access to the items that might help us feel more connected to our loved ones. Wherever we find ourselves on the scale of ownership of personal effects, the pain is immeasurable and long-lasting. I turned my head slightly as I drove, che
He is in the Wind He is in the Wind He is in the Wind \| TAPS Matt Davison I don’t recall the moment it happened. I only know that one minute I was in an intense firefight, and in a flash, I was hovering over the noise and chaos. Later, I watched, disconnected, as a steel casket draped with an American flag was loaded on board a transport aircraft. I knew I was not in that casket, and that I needed to be home, with her. I needed her to know I was OK, that there was no pain, and that I was at peace. I
How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss \| TAPS Erin Jacobson My senses were in overdrive. My ears filled with the sounds of my feet plodding on dirt and the swish of my arms against my backpack. I heard birds singing and the wind moving through the trees. My nostrils filled with the sharp scent of pine trees. The sun toasted my skin. All around me I could see the breathtaking beauty of Eastern Montana, but the sensation of burning muscles consumed me. I had m
New Year's Remembering the Love New Year's Remembering the Love New Year's Remembering the Love \| TAPS Ellen Andrews I can’t say that I remember much about the first new year after David died. Those first months were a blur. I somewhat remember that I felt a bit like the loser in a prize fight after having endured the one-two punch of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Your mind and heart are already carrying the heavy burden of grief only to have salt rubbed into that wound with the onslaught of the festive holiday season. Stra
When You Can’t Hold a Service Right Away When You Can’t Hold a Service Right Away When You Can’t Hold a Service Right Away \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Tips for Planning a Future Ceremony and Following Through The challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic have affected grieving people in many difficult ways. At a time when you needed extra support from friends and family, you may have been separated from them altogether. You may have struggled even more to rebuild meaning and purpose in your life, if your options for exploring and connecting we
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Heartfelt Gifts Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Heartfelt Gifts Sharing Heartfelt Gifts \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, What is a gift? Our loved ones were our first gift. Then, over time, we acquired physical gifts from them. The opening picture is a deer garden ornament my son, Bryon, gave me that I treasure. In this week’s message, survivors have shared both kinds of presents. I was so excited about all the responses that came to answer this question, so this week’s messag
How I learned to re-embrace this precious gift of life How I learned to re-embrace this precious gift of life How I learned to re-embrace this precious gift of life \| TAPS Susan Carron-Demoreta September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the fourth of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide P
Parallel Universe Parallel Universe Parallel Universe Alison Lighthall Living Two Realities at the Same Time Severe psychological trauma is a special kind of broken-heartedness. It takes up residency in you, sometimes making itself known in cruel ways and other times taking a quiet nap from which it can be quickly and easily aroused. It is a permanent condition that, on some rare and lucky occasions, eases with time or goes blessedly into dormancy but never actually ends. Immediately after the initial trau
How Do We Start Again? Small Steps to Reconnect with Ourselves How Do We Start Again? Small Steps to Reconnect with Ourselves How Do We Start Again? Small Steps to Reconnect with Ourselves \| TAPS Erin Jacobson What comes into your mind when you read the words health, body, self-care, fitness? How do these words land emotionally? Notice what comes up for you. Maybe you feel positive emotions, and that is fantastic. But maybe, you have a different experience. Maybe, feelings of exhaustion, shame, or defeat come over you. If this is the case, know that you
How I learned to manage ambush moments by replotting my grief journey How I learned to manage 'ambush moments' by replotting my grief journey How I learned to manage “ambush moments” by replotting my grief journey \| TAPS Terri Jones September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the third of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call
Running for Andrew Running for Andrew Running for Andrew \| Team TAPS Jaime Boris “The Marine Corps Marathon was the most gratifying and humbling yet toughest physical and emotional experience I’ve had since burying my son. It was heart-healing in so many ways.”—Diana Cross, surviving mother Running a marathon was always on Diana Cross’s bucket list. She and her husband, Dan, found TAPS after the death of their son, Army National Guard SGT Andrew Cross, in 2009. “When I found out I could run in the Marine Corp
The Dance The Dance The Dance \| TAPS Amy Dozier Months ago, my mom signed my daughter up for cotillion. This would serve two purposes: teaching her social graces and allowing her to bond over tea parties with other kids her age (well, three purposes if you count the alone time I was afforded on these random Sunday afternoons to grocery shop or go for a run). After each class, our three-generation trio would talk about what was learned and how it would be applied in the years to come. Some days we talke
Bearing the Responsibility Bearing the Responsibility Bearing the Responsibility Rachael Hill Fall has always been my favorite season. The leaves change beautiful colors, there is a pumpkin spice scent everywhere I go, and the cooler air brings out my beloved jeans and hoodies. It is a time of new beginnings as school starts again, football season comes and goes, and then it is the beginning of hockey season for my boys. I find it to be a busy, but beautiful and exciting time of year. However, as fall makes its app
Book Shelf: Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons Book Shelf: Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons Book Shelf: Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons Kelly Griffith After my brother died in December 2011, I didn’t know what to do when I woke up on Christmas morning. His death was still real. I didn’t want to have Christmas without him. So, I didn’t. The second Christmas without Sam physically here, I wanted to find a way to honor his life and still feel him near me.
A New Year = A New Grief? A New Year = A New Grief? A New Year = A New Grief? Shanette Booker It’s yet another year beginning without our loved ones...and yet another year ending without them. Does that mean when they say “Out with the old and in with the new” that it applies to our grieving as well? Do we really acquire new grief with the New Year? I am thinking that the answer to that would be undecided, only because in my mind I am saying yes, but in my heart I am saying no (and I can hear my late husband Dr
Expectations Expectations Expectations Rachael Hill Do you ever wonder why there are always so many expectations put on us as we are working our way down this grief path? Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard enough in itself, but it proves even harder when the people around you add more pressure as to what they think you should, and should not, be doing. They want a timeline of when your grieving will be done and when you’ll be back to “normal.” They want you to get rid of all your loved one’s
A Time of Thankfulness A Time of Thankfulness A Time of Thankfulness Rachael Hill The holiday season is one that can be very difficult when you are missing someone you love. Everything is about family dinners and family outings. Family, family, family. While I love spending time with my boys and our friends that have become like family, there is always that stinging reminder that my “family” is not complete since my husband is no longer with us. I have many friends on Facebook doing the “30 days of thankfulness a
Sibling Loss Sibling Loss Sibling Loss Heidi Horsley In the United States today, there is a natural, assumed order to the deaths we will experience in our lives. We believe that our grandparents will die first, then our parents, then our brothers and sisters, and then our children. However, that is not how it happens for thousands of people each year, and that is not how it happened for me. When my brother Scott and cousin Matthew were just 17 years old they died together in a fiery car accident.
Support Support Support Rachael Hill Support… Definition of SUPPORT 1: to hold up or serve as a foundation or prop for Support. It seems like such a simple word but yet there is so much weight behind it. We all need support, no matter what may be going on in our lives, and when you lose someone close to you that support is what helps get you through. For me, some friends stepped up right away and have continued to be there for us throughout this journey, some support came from out of nowhere and
The New Christmas The New Christmas The New Christmas Rachael Hill The other day I was asked if this time of year is hard for me. I felt a little guilty saying it, but in general it really isn’t. I still enjoy this time of year and cherish the Christmas activities and traditions that I do with my boys. Now don’t get me wrong, I desperately miss my husband and at Christmas time especially, but instead of letting myself drown in despair because he is not here I choose to continue to keep our traditions alive a
Today I'm Angry Today I'm Angry Today I'm Angry Alice Daniel I’ve done my best to be “upbeat” for my family. After all, everyone depends on Mom, right? Bake the birthday cakes, organize holidays, plan family vacations, get this one to therapy, that one to the doctor – the list goes on and on. And most days I can - I can said the little engine, I can. I’m not sure how it’s possible, but my life seems to have two different faces. On one hand my life reminds me of a book published years, ago, I’m Dancing as Fas
You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Three You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Three You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Three \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Editor's Note This is part three of a six-part series adapted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt's book, You're Not Crazy — You're Grieving. Part one and part two appeared in the summer and fall issues of TAPS Magazine. Acknowledging the Illusion of Control Death naturally throws thoughts, feelings, and behaviors into disarray. Nothing may feel “normal” right now.
You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part One You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part One You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part One \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Author's Note: I have been a grief counselor and educator for more than 40 years, and “crazy” is the most common way in which people describe their early grief to me. Let me assure you straight off: It is normal to feel crazy after a significant loss. But you’re actually not going crazy in the way you may think. What you’re doing is grieving. This six-part article series
Healing Is In Session Healing Is In Session Healing Is In Session \| TAPS Emily Munoz I’ve had a song in my head since last November. It’s an old Van Morrison song that stays for a week or so, then floats away — until it comes back again some days later, always nudging me with the same line, “…and the healing has begun.” It just will not let me go. Usually, when I have a prolonged earworm like that, there’s a reason — or at least a trigger. Sometimes it’s a musical phrase (there was a commercial for a ski resort
To Resolution or Not to Resolution: Relaxing into the New Year To Resolution or Not to Resolution: Relaxing into the New Year To Resolution or Not to Resolution: Relaxing into the New Year \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk The new year is a time when we contemplate all the previous year has been and all the coming year could be. Perhaps we make resolutions, promising ourselves a change, anticipating growth, and hoping for something new - after all, it is the “new” year - shouldn’t it also be a “new” me? Whether we do this to ourselves, or others put this upon u
Charlie Brown’s Search for Meaning Charlie Brown’s Search for Meaning Charlie Brown’s Search for Meaning \| TAPS Emily Munoz There are few things more iconic in American cartoon art than the ongoing story of several friends, one beagle, and one bird in Charles Schulz’s Peanuts. Schulz penned this strip regularly for almost 50 years, over the course of which we watch Lucy, Peppermint Patty, Marcy, and the rest of the characters dabble in everything from sports and curbside psychiatry to bad hygiene and attachment issues. Among h
Walking in the Shadow of a Hero Walking in the Shadow of a Hero Walking in the Shadow of a Hero Bevin Landrum Unexpected Loss Thanksgiving 2005 was a quiet family affair. Capt. Tom Hanrahan and his wife, Kim, stayed home in their quarters on Fort Polk to celebrate a simple Thanksgiving. Tom had just come out of Joint Readiness Training Center predeployment training the day before. They decided that with a toddler and a newborn, traveling to Texas just wasn’t going to happen that year. Photo Courtesy Kim Hanrahan Instea
Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Gloria Horsley Heidi Horsley “Scott is dead!” These are the dreaded words that no parent or sibling should ever have to hear, words that irrevocably changed our lives forever. We heard these words in 1983, when Scott Horsley, our beloved son and brother, died in a fiery collision when the car in which he was a passenger hydroplaned and slammed into a bridge abutment. In an instant, Scott’s life was snuffed
Facing It All: A Winding Road Toward Healing Facing It All: A Winding Road Toward Healing Facing It All: A Winding Road Toward Healing \| TAPS April Bowden Kristi Stolzenberg “I’m an open book,” Gold Star Spouse April Bowden shares during our introductory phone call. “Truth opens the doors to healing.” April speaks about her life, her loss, and her purpose with a realness, a rawness that both takes you by surprise and is incredibly relatable once her contagious sense of self-awareness forces us to take a look at ourselves and confront t
October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month \| TAPS TAPS This article was first published on the TAPS website on October 1, 2021 and has been updated with additional resources. As members of the TAPS family, we either know (or are learning) that even in the midst of heartache, we can find moments of comfort and connection. It doesn’t always come naturally - it isn’t easy to balance the needs of grieving and living. Yet, when we’re navigating major life transition
Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering \| TAPS Pamela Gabbay My father, Jerry Henry, was in the Army for my entire childhood. We lived all over the United States and in Germany. I really enjoyed being part of the larger military community. After he retired from the Army, he became a long-distance truck driver who drove an 18-wheeler. Late one night, he crashed his big rig on one of his many runs and di
Healing Your Grieving Heart: Embrace Self-Care this Holiday Season Healing Your Grieving Heart: Embrace Self-Care this Holiday Season Healing Your Grieving Heart: Embrace Self-Care this Holiday Season \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt Let Go of Destructive Misconceptions about Grief and Mourning Most of us have internalized a number of our society’s harmful misconceptions about grief and mourning. Here are some to let go of: I need to be strong and carry on. Tears are a sign of weakness. I need to get over my grief. Death is something we d
Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support \| TAPS Jennifer Keeling Every superhero needs a sidekick. Batman has Robin. Iron Man has War Machine. Even Superman has Krypto...super dog. When these superheroes’ personal battles knock them off course from ‘saving the world,’ their trusted sidekicks step in to fight the battle with them, because there is always strength in numbers. So too, when life throws us off course, we need someone there to figh
When Family Traditions Change When Family Traditions Change When Family Traditions Change \| TAPS August Cabrera Editor’s note: November is Children’s Grief Awareness Month. Throughout this month, we have featured stories from surviving children, parents, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, their experiences and how best to support them. I have a picture of my boys from seven years ago: One is wearing a new striped polo, the other a Niagara Falls T-shirt from
Active Remembering Active Remembering Active Remembering \| TAPS Allison Gilbert If you’re fortunate, like me, soon after your loved one dies, a swarm of friends will embrace you in all sorts of meaningful ways. They’ll pack the funeral home, attend the wake or shiva, and a few may even leave homemade meals wrapped in tin foil by your front door so you won’t have to cook for a while. Rituals surrounding loss tend to kick into gear automatically, and I benefitted from being the passive recipient of support when e
Run and Remember Team: Diary of a Runner Run and Remember Team: Diary of a Runner Run and Remember Team: Diary of a Runner Bethany Crudele Excerpted from Marine Corps Times' Battle Rattle blog and reprinted with permission. www.marinecorpstimes.com September 13, 2012 This year, I am running the Marine Corps Marathon as a member of Team “Doc” Almazan. While I never met Army Sergeant David Almazan, a combat medic killed in Iraq in 2006, I’ve run several races in memory of him and in support of his surviving wife, Salina Jimene
Self Care Self Care Self Care Leslie McCaddon Reconnecting…with myself One of the things I heard early on at TAPS, as well as from my counselor at home, is the importance of self-care. I’m a mother of three young children. Whenever this term “self-care” is thrown around in my presence I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Photo Courtesy of Leslie McCaddon Take care of myself? Sure! I try to shower, most days. I eat well…well, at least when I eat the kid’s leftovers! I sleep. Sure, I sleep!
She Said, He Said She Said, He Said She Said, He Said Chris Sweet Danielle Balmer Sweet Tech. Sgt. Ryan A. Balmer died June 5, 2007, in Kirkuk, Iraq. He was assigned as Special Agent to the Air Force Office of Special Investigations. Tech. Sgt. Jessica Sweet died February 12, 2009, five months after she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. She Said “How am I supposed to kiss you goodbye tomorrow at the airport knowing it might be the last time I see you?” As Ryan stood there that night with his
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel Finding meaning in involvement…again After this article was written, Congress passed bipartisan legislation and presented it to the President on January 1, 2013. Included in the legislation is a provision to establish an Open Burn Pit Registry at the VA. 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet; all are sleeping but me. Austin’s been dead for more than three years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of
A Father’s Grief A Father’s Grief A Father’s Grief Lee Vincent Finding a Game Plan to honor your loss What’s the first male response to trouble? Get in there and do something right away, of course. But you can’t do anything about a warrior who is already dead, which leads to the next natural, manly move: write off the loss and move on to something else. This is how men have always coped with reality and how we survived and got our families sheltered and fed, after all. But when we are blindsided with a h
A Garden Spade Can Help Heal A Garden Spade Can Help Heal A Garden Spade Can Help Heal Christi Larsen The Memorial Garden Tour is an annual event that supports TAPS and the Wounded Warrior Project through The Cole William Larsen Foundation, a 501(c) 3 public charity. Gardening can be such a personal journey; it’s not just about planting a seed and watching it grow. It is a process in which you tend and nurture and then stand back and watch in amazement. It can be extremely therapeutic: interacting with the plants and
Hope Is the Companion that Helps Us Believe in Tomorrow Hope Is the Companion that Helps Us Believe in Tomorrow Hope Is the Companion that Helps Us Believe in Tomorrow \| TAPS Renee Nickell I was about seven days into our state’s stay-at-home orders for COVID-19, when I awoke from a night’s dream. It went something like this: It was dusk at the high school my brother and I attended. The parking lot was packed with cars. My parents and I had wondered where my brother, Sam, had gone. It’s one of those weird dreams where you are your current age in th
Voices of 9/11 - Reflections of Three TAPS Survivors Voices of 9/11 - Reflections of Three TAPS Survivors Voices of 9/11 - Reflections of Three TAPS Survivors \| TAPS Lisa Dolan Zach Laychak Robert Pycior Nineteen years ago, we woke up to the most beautiful sunny September day. Little did we know that before the day came to an end, we would be forever changed. The events of September 11, 2001, marked a turning point, for individual families, for our nation, and for the world. So many in our TAPS family were directly impacted by the terrorist atta
Guilt—What It Is Guilt—What It Is Guilt—What It Is Bob Baugher And What to Do About It After your loved one died, did you find yourself saying things such as: I should’ve, I shouldn’t have, If only, I wish I would’ve, or why didn’t I? If so, you are part of a very large group of humans who have felt guilty following a death. It doesn’t matter whether the death took place thousands of miles away or in your home. It matters less whether your loved one died in an accident, in a war setting, or due to an inter
What Does 'Recover' Mean? What Does 'Recover' Mean? What Does 'Recover' Mean? Darcie Sims Redefining Our Expectations It’s hot and already I am beginning to pray for the return of winter. The days of summer have grown old and tired and I’m weary of hurting. Grief has followed me forever, or so it seems. When can I release the pain in search of the promise? How long must I hurt? Is grief measured in days, weeks, months, years, or lifetimes? I’m thirsty and I need a drink of hope. Grief has been a tornado, a volca
10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss 10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss 10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss \| TAPS TAPS Losing someone you love to suicide comes with complex grief. You might catch yourself asking why or what if or even wrestling with guilt, thinking you could have done something more — "If only I would have..." or "I should have known something was wrong." These questions, though raw and overwhelming — especially in grief — and processing these questions over time and with support can he
Mental Health Help: Finding the Right Therapist Mental Health Help: Finding the Right Therapist Mental Health Help: Finding the Right Therapist \| TAPS Karissa Kelley So You Know You Want Therapy…Now What? When you are ready, TAPS is here to help you locate a therapist who can meet your needs. Call our 24/7 helpline to request information about counselors in your area. Our phones are staffed with caring professionals who are equipped to gather whatever information is needed to locate the best-fit provider for your unique circumstances. I
Hope for the Holidays: Practical Ideas for Healing Your Holiday Grief Hope for the Holidays: Practical Ideas for Healing Your Holiday Grief Practical Ideas for Healing Your Holiday Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss, and emptiness. Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief—a feeling of loss unlike that experienced
Go for Five Go for Five Go for Five \| TAPS Don Lipstein Friday, July 17, 2020, started out like any other day. My morning routine: A brief walk outside. Fifteen minutes of Qigong. A short workout that ends with a plank. On this day, however, my workout was interrupted. My son, Joshua, showed up. Josh asked if I would honor him. “How exactly do you want me to do that?” I replied. Simple, Josh said. “Push beyond your three-minute plank. Give me four minutes.” I laughed. That sounded agonizing, at best. A
Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story \| TAPS Kerry Ward As we navigate these uncertain times, I have found that there is a silver lining with spending more time in the house: it has forced me to focus on projects I hadn’t yet had time to tackle. As I cleaned out my hall closet, I found myself face-to-face with memories I hadn’t thought about in years. I called an old friend and told her about a specific photo th
Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The archives of the Saturday Morning Message are very interesting. In response to the question about sharing special items, Kelsey, mother of Michael sent a picture of this alligator. You will read below how this item comforts her. I want to thank those who make this message special throughout the year by reading and sometimes replying to the question of the week.
Staying in Touch - Real Touch Staying in Touch - Real Touch Staying in Touch - Real Touch \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt The COVID-19 pandemic has millions of people the world over realizing they are touch deprived. Even people who haven’t considered themselves huggy, touchy people in the past are now expressing awareness that they need the physical proximity and touch of other human beings to feel well, especially during times of uncertainty and anxiety. As someone grieving the death of a loved one, you may have found yourself pa
We’ve Always Been in This Together We’ve Always Been in This Together We’ve Always Been in This Together \| TAPS Marie Campbell I haven’t missed being in our nation’s capital and attending a TAPS National Seminar since 1998. I remember being a new young widow, walking into uncharted territory. TAPS Founder and President Bonnie Carroll was right there to welcome me with open arms. I remember being scared, not wanting to talk. I was, however, a listener. As I attended workshops and sharing groups, I listened and finally felt vali
When stress awakens the emotional eater in you When stress awakens the emotional eater in you When stress awakens the emotional eater in you \| TAPS Joanne Steen Has the stress of the COVID-19 pandemic reawakened the emotional eater in you? If so, you’re in good company. We often turn to comfort food when we get stressed and life gets crazy. In today’s world, in addition to the regular stressors we contend with, such as personal, workplace and family stress, this pandemic has unleashed sources of stress that are new and uncomfortable to u
Someone to Lean On TAPS Peer Mentor: Someone to Lean On Someone to Lean On \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Peer Mentor Sara Wilson (left), surviving spouse of retired Navy Captain David Wilson, and her mentee, Kellye Bone (right), surviving spouse of retired Air Force Technical Sergeant Thomas Bone, have similar stories—their husbands had long military careers in similar jobs, they died of similar causes, and they both have daughters around the same ages (11 and 7 for Sara; 21, 13, and 9 for Kellye). They met for the
The TAPS Interview: Jon Stewart The TAPS Interview: Jon Stewart The TAPS Interview: Jon Stewart \| TAPS Allison Gilbert Jon Stewart’s father, a veteran of the Korean War, died in 2013. But the former Daily Show host’s personal experience with loss is not the only reason he sat down recently for an interview with TAPS Magazine. Stewart was in Arlington, VA, for the launch of the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing®. Stewart is a staunch supporter of service members, veterans, and military families. He is also a tirel
Finding Hope After Suicide Loss Finding Hope After Suicide Loss Finding Hope After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Mike Aldapa Celebrating the Life and Service of our Loved Ones A petty officer in the Coast Guard, my 22-year-old son Paul died by suicide when he took his own life on July 18, 2012, in what was determined to be a homicide-suicide. He was just months away from completing his enlistment in the Coast Guard with hopes of pursuing a career in law enforcement. Prior to his death, Paul and our family embraced his time in the
Talking to Children About Suicide Talking to Children About Suicide Talking to Children About Suicide Kim Ruocco One of the most challenging issues following a death by suicide is what and how to tell children. Widespread inaccurate information compounds this already challenging issue for those caring for grieving children. When a loved one dies by suicide, it could take some time to trust your instincts and follow your heart again, so credible information and trustworthy guidance is critical. Children are egocentric, me
An Easter Angelversary An Easter Angelversary An Easter Angelversary Allicia Johnson March 27 is Easter Sunday this year. To many it’s a day to reflect on the life of Christ and the miracle that occurred over two thousand years ago. For many others, it’s that beautiful time of year when Cadbury Mini Eggs grace the grocery store shelves. In general, it is a good time to focus on a new season of hope and new beginnings as flowers bloom and we look excitedly toward warmer days and summer fun. What is not to like about
The Choice The Choice The Choice Linda Ambard For the past five years, I have learned to survive and to make it through the darkest nights. I have come to trust my decisions and discovered happiness through running, work, school, and the all too rare visits with my adult children. It a dull and predictable life that didn’t allow for dreams to creep in or for the wash of agony to take over. I closed myself off to any possibility of a life beyond that flat one dimensional plane. At 49, the spunky, warm, a
I'm All About That Bass I'm All About That Bass I'm All About That Bass Linda Ambard There is a song that says, “I’m all about that bass, about that bass.” That song means something different to me than others, I am sure. When I hear it, I immediately consider my attitude. It’s all about that attitude. While I cannot deny that I still have pity parties and days that I break down in tears, I can say that each and every day I make the choice to be happy. How can I subtly shift my paradigms when the very person I built
Zipped Into My Fraud Suit Zipped Into My Fraud Suit Zipped Into My Fraud Suit Marcia McCormick Tomlinson The moment I received the news that my son was dead by suicide I changed. Everything about the life I had planned for myself changed in an instant. Everything about me changed, too. That was the moment I reached down and stepped into my Fraud Suit. “How are you?” concerned friends asked. “Fine,” I lied. And thus I began to zip myself into the Fraud Suit I wore everywhere, to church, to the store, to the library,
Love is in the Air Love is in the Air Love is in the Air Michele Hiester Marcum Ahhh… Welcome to February, the month of cupids, romance and rocketing Hallmark profits! I confess that I’ve never been much of a romantic when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I cherish time with my loved ones, and I appreciate well-intentioned cards and the occasional box of chocolates. But when it comes to the glitzy bling, extravagant dinners and romantic outings, I’m more apt to choose the practical, simple
Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Rachael Hill On May 19th I ran my first full marathon in Fargo, ND with the TAPS Run and Remember team. I have had people ask me, “Why would you want to run 26.2 miles? That’s crazy!” Yes, it is definitely crazy but in my mind if you can run a marathon, you can do anything! My running adventures began in the summer of 2009. We had been in Alaska for not quite a year and I randomly decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Jeff was always very supportive of what
A Toast to the Ones We Lost A Toast to the Ones We Lost A Toast to the Ones We Lost \| TAPS Sonia Rai There’s a certain type of person with a certain type of heart who, before setting out to do something they love, will see the inherent danger, corruption, and uncertainty ahead of them, and still choose to act anyway. This is a toast to them. They’re the type of people who aren’t in it for the glory because they realize that glory isn’t something that can be found, rather it can only be bestowed. So they go,
My TAPS Journey My TAPS Journey My TAPS Journey \| TAPS Amanda Klager I am so grateful for TAPS and all the amazing people who have become a big part of my life and family since my brother Adam passed away. Deb Lucey, Director of Operations, Survivor Services, reached out to me. I was very hesitant. I knew there was nothing anyone could do that would bring him back. Deb did not give up on me. She continued to reach out and check in on me. She told me she was a surviving sister herself. She told me she kn
The Gift of Leadership The Gift of Leadership The Gift of Leadership \| TAPS Coleen Bowman As the holiday season is upon us, I can’t help but look back and reflect on the past eight years. Rob and Coleen Bowman It was 2012. The weather was changing and the mornings were cool as we were approaching late fall. The chats that my husband Rob and I had sitting outside a Starbucks coffee shop in San Antonio, Texas are permanently etched in my mind. We spent our mornings drinking coffee and reflecting on our near
Flashback Fridays: Cherished Memories from a Child Revisited Cherished Memories from a Child Revisited Cherished memories from a child revisited \| TAPS TAPS Each Friday, please visit our blog and join us as we take a look back at stories, people and events that have shaped who we are today. We are a family of survivors honoring our selfless heroes who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. We are grieving parents, spouses, children, siblings, grandparents, fiancées, battle buddies and loved ones. We are hope. We are strength. We are TAPS.
5 Ways for the Bereaved to be Mindful 5 Ways for the Bereaved to be Mindful 5 Ways for the Bereaved to be Mindful \| TAPS Heather Stang The beginner classes at my meditation center fill up with people wanting to make a lifestyle change. They show up ready to ease anxiety, reduce stress, improve their health or to find a way to cope with grief. Research proves that mindfulness can help with any stress-related complaint. I get to witness first-hand how training your mind on the present moment with a calm, relaxed and compassionate
Healing Wisdom from Trees Healing Wisdom from Trees Healing Wisdom from Trees \| TAPS Erin Jacobson There are times in life when we feel completely lost. The foundations that held us in place and helped us to make sense of the world are broken and we are left trying to make sense of a new reality. This is particularly true when we experience the death of a loved one. Not only do we go through the grief of losing a person we love, often times we lose our sense of self and our place in the world. In times of confusion or
I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment Angela Copeland “Take Steps Toward Transformation” That was the subject line of the email for the TAPS Sedona Women’s Empowerment Event. I paused on it during my usual morning scroll through my inbox. I made a promise to myself to work through the heap of emails for at least five minutes every morning to try and put a dent in the mountain of correspondence. Those emails had been piling up for years, right along w
3 Reasons Why Posting "Sad" Things to Social Media Doesn't Mean I'm Stuck in My Grief 3 Reasons Why Posting "Sad" Things to Social Media Doesn't Mean I'm Stuck in My Grief 3 Reasons Why Posting "Sad" Things to Social Media Doesn't Mean I'm Stuck in My Grief Kelly Griffith “He would want you to go on with your life.” The words knocked the wind out of me as if I was once again standing at the front door, staring blankly at three Marines. How could anyone think that posting a photo of my brother’s headstone on social media is not OK? That I’m somehow stuck in my grief because
5 Thoughts on Writing Your Story 5 Thoughts on Writing Your Story 5 Thoughts on Writing Your Story Karen Vaughn Shortly after Aaron’s death, I began jotting things down that I didn’t want to forget. I felt the need to capture every detail of our last moments together on earth — how he hugged me that last time, the posture of his body as I walked away from that final hug, the exact words we exchanged on our last phone call. Details. I’m so thankful I did that because just a short five and a half years later I’ve picked th
5 Tips for Self-Care on Memorial Day 5 Tips for Self-Care on Memorial Day 5 Tips for Self-Care on Memorial Day \| TAPS Zaneta Gileno Whether this is your first Memorial Day or one of many since the passing of your loved one, this weekend can be especially challenging. On difficult holidays such as this, it’s important to practice self-care. Here are five tips to help you prepare for Memorial Day weekend and care for yourself: 1. Have a plan It can be tempting to go into the weekend without a real plan in efforts to avoid it
Believing in Heroes Believing in Heroes Believing in Heroes Marten Wallace On September 2015, I had the great pleasure of representing TAPS at the Points of Light National Day of Service and Remembrance held at the Washington Monument. Being asked to be a storyteller to the 5th graders of Harriet Tubman Elementary School was a great privilege and honor. The title of my story was, Believing in Heroes. I asked the children during my story, what is a hero? Is a hero a cartoon character like Superman or an athlet
Following In My Brother's Footsteps Following In My Brother's Footsteps Following In My Brother's Footsteps Kelly Griffith I was 10 years old the first and last time I asked my brother, Sam, if I could go on a run with him. He was home from college at Penn State, but he still had to do PT runs for ROTC. We were only running to the front of the neighborhood and back, so it was an easy two miles round trip. It was clear right from the start that I wasn’t going to be able to keep Sam’s pace. I was stubborn though, and told him
The Year of Getting Off My Couch The Year of Getting Off My Couch The Year of Getting Off My Couch Linda Ambard For those of you who have followed my journey, you realize I am closing in on being five years from the loss of the man who meant the world to me. I would gladly have given my life for his because I recognize he was that bright and shining star who made the world a better place, but trading places was never an option. For those of you who have watched or read about my journey, you have seen my struggles and you
A Little Easier.... A Little Easier.... A Little Easier.... Dayna Wood People often ask me where I am in the grieving process. The truth is that I don’t actually know how to answer that question. Some moments are good, others mediocre and lots of them are still just plain terrible. As so many of you know, it can change every hour, minute or second. With that in mind, I truly believe that the best piece of advice I’ve received came from a good friend that lost her mother a few years ago. She told me that as ha
Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Michele Hiester Marcum Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear brother! Happy Bir… Oh wait. Am I supposed to be celebrating your birthday? Do the angels throw parties in heaven like we do on Earth? Is anyone up there worrying whether the cake is white or chocolate? Or if the frosting is buttercream or whipped? Hmmm… the multitude of questions one ponders when there are no
I Came, I Saw, I Healed I Came, I Saw, I Healed I Came, I Saw, I Healed Shanette Booker This year was my first time attending the TAPS Suicide Survivor Seminar, and it is an experience like no other. I found that in the midst of being surrounded by so many that I am not a lone survivor...that my story of survival is not the only one. It was so nice to meet so many surviving friends and family members of our loved ones, which to me was step one to healing and coping. I came to San Diego with an open mind, beca
Memorial Day Memorial Day Memorial Day Michele Hiester Marcum School’s out! School’s out! Teachers let the monkeys out! I remember many years ago, when that sing-song sentiment ushered in Memorial Day Weekend each year. Ahhh… the start of summer! Late nights splashing in backyard pools, slurping watermelon, and chasing lightning bugs, followed by lazy mornings spent sleeping in. Memorial Day meant a parade of flag-waving politicians and patriotic band kids, marching from downtown all the way to the cem
Grief Recall Grief Recall Grief Recall \| TAPS Gregory Jacobs I recently had the privilege of taking my grandson, Thomas, to the Kentucky State Fair. Thomas is 5 and the son of my deceased son who served in the Army. While walking around looking at the animals and various venues, he was attracted to the police lights in the middle of the convention center — a Kentucky State Police cruiser display and recruitment booth. Next to the display was a trailer with a mangled-up car and a kiosk to promote safe driv
The Cabin of Reconciliation The Cabin of Reconciliation The Cabin of Reconciliation \| TAPS Jon Ganues Relationships in families change all the time, but they can sometimes change dramatically after the death of a loved one. Some relationships become very close, while some drift apart. Sometimes, the changes are obvious, and other times they are not. On June 2, 2009, I received notification that one of my sons, Jon Wesley Ganues, Jr., died by suicide while serving in the U.S. Air Force. He was a security policeman stat
When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief \| TAPS William Hoy The sights, sounds, and smells of the holidays remind grieving people that this year things are very different. In fact, you may find yourself dreading the holiday season more than any other time of year. Special occasions make it hard to grieve. Special days are filled with sentiment, and tha
Learning, Growing, and Healing Through Peer Mentoring Learning, Growing, and Healing Through Peer Mentoring Learning, Growing, and Healing Through Peer Mentoring \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk When I was a teenager, I vividly recall a tense conversation with my mom in which I was no doubt being self-centered and selfish. While the full context has long left me, one thing she said still rings in my ears, “Audri, you need to get over yourself — not everything is about you.” But I was a strong, independent young woman determined to make my own way or, ma
When Small Talk is a Big Issue When Small Talk is a Big Issue When Small Talk is a Big Issue \| TAPS Emily Munoz Traveling the country to host Regional Seminars, the TAPS team hears about the sense of freedom that comes from connecting with other people who understand. At TAPS events, you can be yourself — the armor can come off; the mask can fall away. As this happens, our bonds as a TAPS family strengthen and grow. And then, Sunday rolls around, and with it comes the real world — and some of us need that armor back. We do
A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed \| TAPS Perry Monroe In 2018, I visited the TAPS website and saw that registration for the Montana Men’s Retreat would be opening soon. I set the alarm on my phone and computer. If I did nothing else that year, I was going to do this. The second registration opened, I signed up. When I received confirmation, I was beyond excited. My excitement was a direct result of an encounter I had with Medal of Honor recipient Her
How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus: Being Open and Honest Can Offer Reassurance How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus: Being Open and Honest Can Offer Reassurance How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus: Being Open and Honest Can Offer Reassurance \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt As the coronavirus spreads across North America and our daily lives are transformed, we all must be aware of the need for good mental-health care. Obviously, it’s a stressful time. Families are confined to their homes. School is canceled. Many businesses are closed. Workers are being laid off e
Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt “Oh that it were possible, after long grief and pain, to find the arms of my true love around me once again.” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson Because the person who died is no longer there to share the holidays with you, you may feel particularly sad and vulnerable during Christmas, Hanukkah and other holidays that are special to your family. Don’t overextend yourself during the holidays. Don’
How I learned to stop asking why and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good \| TAPS Don Lipstein September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the last of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, pleas
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Creative Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Creative Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Creative Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Creativity helps with our healing and honors our loved ones. Survivors share the various ways they use their different talents. The photo today shows poppies that Andi, mother of Jacob, crocheted for a TAPS seminar. This week you will read more about her work and the other innovative ideas survivors shared in this week’s message. I look forward to hearin
The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Learning from the Geese If there is ever a time in life when we need others to support and nurture us, it’s when someone we love dies. In many ways, grief work is the most difficult work we will ever do. And hard work is less burdensome when others lend a hand. Sharing the devastation that results from the death of someone precious won’t make the hurt go away, but it does make it more b
On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Are You Doing? On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Are You Doing? On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Are You Doing? \| TAPS Stewart Farrell A family shares their unique way of checking in on each other. They know they should say something. They know they should ask. They want you to know they care, and yet, they can’t quite find the right words. And so they ask the same old, tired question, “how are you?” You want to answer. You want to tell them how you feel. You want to share with someone the pain you are experiencing
8 Ways to Cope After a Suicide Loss 8 Ways to Cope After a Suicide Loss 8 Ways to Cope After a Suicide Loss Carla Stumpf Patton Coping with suicide loss can feel devastating. In its aftermath, it can bring overwhelming, mixed emotions and questions about how and why this happened. More importantly, we wonder how we are going to survive with what feels like an insurmountable level of pain and loss. But, we can and do survive, and there are fellow survivors who offer us hope that our hearts can heal. A group of military survivors
A New Year Without My Loved One In It A New Year Without My Loved One In It A New Year Without My Loved One In It Betsy Beard Once upon a time we were a happy, complete family that thrived on holiday traditions. Before Brad died, we approached the winter holidays with delight, reveling in the extra time together and enjoying the fresh sparkling snow and thoughts of the coming new year—a clean slate with no mistakes in it! New Year’s Eve parties were planned. We joyously stayed up late and allowed the kids the same latitude so
Sibling Revelry Sibling Revelry Sibling Revelry Michele Hiester Marcum Co-conspirators. Confidants. Comrades. Alternately friend and foe. Two apples from the very same tree. Two peas tucked in a single pod. That was us, my brother and me… Here’s where I’d like to elaborate on our quiet, idyllic childhood, leisurely painting the words in feathery pastel strokes with a gentle hand. But I can’t. Life at the Hiester house was vibrant and hectic and boisterous and always, always full. Neighborhood kids flocked
Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Heather Campagna Many people wonder just what takes place within the borders of a TAPS Good Grief Camp…and adult survivors have often said it looks like more fun to be on the kid’s side of our national gathering! Undeniably, the Good Grief Camp involves events that can lighten young hearts, but all of our activities are also specially selected to offer a safe place for each child to “just be” wherever they are in their grief. Tha
A Change of Season A Change of Season A Change of Season Darcie Sims Learning to Keep our Loved Ones’ Memories Alive in Every Season It’s harvest time, clean up time, gathering time. It’s time to put away the beach balls and the lawn mower. It’s time to shake the sand from the shoes and store away the croquet set and find the storm windows. It’s time to “put up” the garden’s bounty and find someone who doesn’t have enough zucchini. It’s time to find the mittens and try on the sweaters and coats. It’s time to g
Death-Induced Midlife Identity Crisis Death-Induced Midlife Identity Crisis Death-Induced Midlife Identity Crisis Betsy Beard Who are you now? Life was simple when I was seven years old and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course I knew! The answer was easy: a princess or a movie star. From my egocentric and immature perspective, the choices were limitless because all I needed to do was magically choose a career path. Reality was no obstacle. There was no fear that my selection was impractical or impossib
Small World, Big TAPS Family Small World, Big TAPS Family Small World, Big TAPS Family \| TAPS Jessica Kavanagh It’s funny how life happens. One minute you’re getting a phone call that your husband “didn’t make it,” and eight years later, you’re a widow wife to one of the most amazing humans. The world most certainly crashed down upon me that dreadful day — I’ll never forget it, or the moments that followed, or the spouse that once was (I know my TAPS Family can relate). I felt so lost for what felt like such a long time
Coping with Grief and Trauma and Loss: Home Base Reflections of Gratitude and Growth Coping with Grief and Trauma and Loss: Home Base Reflections of Gratitude and Growth Coping with Grief and Trauma and Loss: Home Base Reflections of Gratitude and Growth \| TAPS Katie Langer Carla Stumpf Patton Introduction by Dr. Carla Stumpf Patton, TAPS Senior Director of Postvention Programs At TAPS, we are privileged to witness the healing that so often comes with connections to our supportive resources, programming, and services. The postvention support offered by TAPS, especially, is
My Memory Scarf: Remembering all of the First Days My Memory Scarf: Remembering all of the First Days My Memory Scarf: Remembering all of the First Days \| TAPS Lydia Burgdorf At my son Carl’s visitation, my friend Robin handed me a book and said, “Just a little something I’ve had set aside for you.” I tucked it in my bag and walked over to greet a new arrival. After the internment service and before another appointment, I opened her gift the next day. Titled “Knit the Sky,” the book was designed to encourage creativity. Its first project sugg
The Love Languages of Grief The Love Languages of Grief The Love Languages of Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt When it comes to mourning and how others can best help us, there’s no one right way. Every person and every loss is unique. The people we grieve the loss of — as well as the circumstances of the loss — are also one-of-a-kind. After a significant loss, what we think and feel inside, in what ways we’re able to express those thoughts and feelings and how we feel supported by others vary from person to person and loss to
7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child Angela Miller Child loss is a loss like no other. One often misunderstood by many. If you love a bereaved parent or know someone who does, remember that even his or her “good” days are harder than you could ever imagine. Compassion and love, not advice, are needed. If you’d like an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime, here is what I’ve learned in my seven yea
Dispelling the Misconceptions Dispelling the Misconceptions Dispelling the Misconceptions Alan Wolfelt About Suicide and Grief and Mourning Excerpted from The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way Misconception: A misconception is a mistaken notion you might have about something—in other words, something you believe to be true but that is not true. Misconceptions about grief are common in our society because we tend not to openly mourn or talk about grief and mourning. You can see how we’d have misconceptions
Finding the Path Finding the Path Finding the Path Stacey Hrvatin Walking in the Footsteps of Others If you have not connected with others, register for a TAPS Regional Seminar or request a Peer Mentor. Now that I am a year and a half beyond the death of my fiancé, I am able to hold my footing a bit longer these days and look back. I look back at this journey so far and I can’t believe this is the life I’ve lived. On an early September morning I was greeted by the men in uniform we so dread seeing when o
Living to Honor the Dead Living to Honor the Dead Living to Honor the Dead Carol Lane For many of us it is hard to open our hearts when our loved one has given the ultimate sacrifice to our nation and we remain behind. Yet we still have all the love to give that we have shared through the years and it doesn’t stop with death. In the beginning, many of us can only try to get through each day and survive with the pain in our hearts that comes from such a great loss. Our hearts, out of necessity, close up as we try to
Stop, Look, Listen Stop, Look, Listen Stop, Look, Listen Darcie Sims When was the last time you did nothing? Do you ever just sit anymore? Do you ever just lie on your back in new mown grass and watch the clouds dance by? Do you ever chase after butterflies, trying to give them a message to carry? Or dangle your toes in a pond or watch kids dash through a sprinkler? Do you ever sit on a porch or patio and smell the grass, the flowers, the air? Do you even have a porch or patio and do you know what sitting
Military Children and Grief Military Children and Grief Military Children and Grief Betsy Beard Judith Mathewson Tina Saari and Heather Campagna After the flag is folded, and after the last echoing notes of Taps have sounded on the bugle, the overwhelming grief of losing a parent in military service comes to rest squarely on shoulders too small, too fragile, too young, and too inexperienced to bear the burden alone. Tucked away from the public spotlight, the grief following a military death continues for months and ye
Snowflakes Snowflakes Snowflakes Darcie Sims Surviving the Winter Season Have you ever stood outside with your head tilted back and your mouth open wide trying to catch a snowflake? Snowflakes fall everywhere: on your hair, your chin, your eyelashes, even your nose. And some even manage to land on the very tip of your tongue only to vanish before you can really get a taste. Each snowflake is a completely different design and pattern. No two are ever created exactly the same. It is a mystery that co
Pets and Grief: Can Our Animals Help Us Heal After Loss? Pets and Grief: Can Our Animals Help Us Heal After Loss? Pets and Grief: Can Our Animals Help Us Heal After Loss? \| TAPS Stephanie Frogge When the TAPS Helpline staff has a chance to connect every few days, we share information and updates, and we check in with each other — how are you, how is the week going, how is your family? And we know that family most definitely includes Niki’s 40-pound bulldog mutt who thinks she’s a lap dog, Maggie; my own Luna Cat, who is only sociable when I’m on Zo
Breaking the Silence as a Survivor of Murder-Suicide Loss Breaking the Silence as a Survivor of Murder-Suicide Loss Breaking the Silence as a Survivor of Murder-Suicide Loss \| TAPS Brittany Noble McCarthy “Couple Dead in Murder-Suicide,” read one headline following the deaths of my dad and stepmother in January 2018. Rooted in his determination to take his own life, Dad’s final act precluded him from a burial with military honors after serving the country for 20 years as an enlisted Army sergeant with multiple combat tours. The headlines precluded
Hindsight Is 20/20 Hindsight Is 20/20 Hindsight Is 20/20 \| TAPS Gregory Jacobs In a recent conversation with a surviving father, I expressed how clear our vision is in hindsight — it’s 20/20. However, our vision looking forward at the start of our grief journey can seem blurry and near-sighted at times. My son, David, died in an auto accident on December 23, 2020, while serving in the U.S. Army at Fort Carson, Colorado. Immediately after his death, I lived in regret. Did he know I loved him deeply? Was I too s
Leaving the Grief Box Open Leaving the Grief Box Open Leaving the Grief Box Open \| TAPS Chris Beck Over the past 18 months, I have struggled to get to my feet and find the path forward in my life since the loss of my son, Jarrod. I know I am on a healing path, but the steps have been small and the growth slow, but steady. Men by nature, and to some extent by nurture, hide emotions and push them down — many of us were taught that emotions are a sign of weakness. When given the opportunity to attend a TAPS Men’s Retrea
Surviving Son Carries Father’s Legacy Through VA Career and Lasting Bond with TAPS From Losses to Legacies: Surviving Son Carries Father’s Legacy Through VA Career and Lasting Bond with TAPS Surviving Son Carries Father’s Legacy Through VA Career and Lasting Bond with TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg Children could teach us a thing or two about life — the significance of a seemingly insignificant moment and the people and things that truly matter. Garrett Schmidt, the proud surviving son of U.S. Army National Guard Sergeant Michael Joseph Schmidt, would challenge that we could learn
TAPS Survivor Newsletter December 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter December 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter December 2024 TAPS Media Embracing Your Vulnerability During the Holidays Nostalgia is part of what makes the holiday season so special, but it can also make it a difficult time for the bereaved. As TAPS Advisory Board Member Dr. Alan Wolfelt shares in this article, though, embracing the grief-induced vulnerability we feel this time of year can help us face truths about our grief and open us to authentic connections. In t
Video: Living with Grief During the Holidays Video: Living with Grief During the Holidays Living with Grief During the Holidays Webinar \| TAPS Institute Pamela Gabbay The holidays can be an especially difficult and demanding time of year when you are grieving. In addition to the raw pain of grief, holidays often add to the intense hurt with painful reminders of past holidays. That, coupled with expectations from others to "be like you always were" during the holiday season, can add a lot of stress and anxiety. During this time, you migh
Video: Military Suicide Prevention and Protection Efforts—Advancements from "Face The Fight" Coalition Members Video: Military Suicide Prevention and Protection Efforts—Advancements from "Face The Fight" Coalition Members Military Suicide Prevention and Protection Efforts—Advancements from "Face The Fight" Coalition Members Webinar \| TAPS Institute Carla Stumpf Patton Katy Dondanville This webinar will overview the efforts of the Face The Fight initiative and highlight several coalition members, all with common goal of reducing suicide within the military community. The information can be helpful for t
Video: Moving Mindsets - Rethinking Recreation for Emotional & Mental Health Video: Moving Mindsets - Rethinking Recreation for Emotional & Mental Health Moving Mindsets - Rethinking Recreation for Emotional & Mental Health Webinar \| TAPS Institute Emily Munoz Sometimes movement starts feeling like it's about fitness and not about fun - or we haven’t quite figured out how to have fun out “doing things.” Why did Einstein like to bicycle? Why do some great artists need to walk? How do we change when we join bowling leagues and church softball leagues? What on earth is p
Video: TAPS Honor Guard Gala Highlights Video: TAPS Honor Guard Gala Highlights Video: 2023 TAPS Honor Guard Gala Highlights TAPS Media The TAPS Honor Guard Gala gives the opportunity to remember the love of our fallen heroes, celebrate their lives and share the stories of the journey military survivors experience with their TAPS family. Watch the highlights of the March 22, 2023 TAPS Honor Guard Gala, including clips from TAPS Board of Directors Deborah Mullen, TAPS President and Founder Bonnie Carroll, TAPS Military Mentor of t
Baseball Cards and Godwinks: Terri Jones' Story Baseball Cards and Godwinks: Terri Jones' Story Baseball Cards and Godwinks: Terri Jones' Story \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart Terri Jones doesn’t know where the baseball cards are coming from, but regardless, she keeps finding them. She spots them when she’s out mowing her lawn or walking in the corn fields around her Iowa farmhouse. The players featured on the cards she finds played mostly in the 1980’s and 90’s, the same years her son, U.S. Army SPC Jason Cooper, played ball. And they just k
One Year Later: Reflecting on the U.S. Withdrawal from Afghanistan One Year Later: Reflecting on the U.S. Withdrawal from Afghanistan One Year Later: Reflecting on the U.S. Withdrawal from Afghanistan \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart I was 36-weeks pregnant with my son when CNN reached out to me for an interview. Like many in August 2021, I had watched with a heavy heart as U.S. troops withdrew from Afghanistan and the Taliban took over Kabul. In 2010, my father, U.S. Army Colonel John McHugh, was killed on those same streets that I was watching on my TV screen.
Survivors Share about the Impact of the Women’s Empowerment Programming Survivors Share about the Impact of the Women’s Empowerment Programming Survivors Share about the Impact of the Women’s Empowerment Programming \| TAPS TAPS The TAPS Women’s Empowerment program uses both in-person and online events to bring surviving women together. When we gather in person, the effect is magical, and we cherish our time together. We also know, however, that distance doesn’t silence the heart of our sisterhood — and so we’re also just a few clicks away with online offerings th
Video: Coping with Loss when Death is Stigmatized Video: Coping with Loss when Death is Stigmatized Coping with Loss when Death is Stigmatized Webinar \| TAPS Institute Kenneth Doka Dr. Kenneth Doka pioneered the concept of “disenfranchised grief,” giving a name to the reality in which mourners feel they don’t have the right to express their loss openly or fully because of the cultural stigma about how the person died. For example, those mourning a death by suicide or drug overdose may often feel that others are judging the choices and behavi
Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart My father was killed in Kabul, Afghanistan on May 18, 2010. Watching the Taliban walk the streets that he died on 11 years ago has been gut-wrenching. As a Gold Star Family member, news following the announcement of the full United States withdrawal from Afghanistan has been overwhelming. With images of violence and devastation in Kabul flooding t
Video: Coping With Guilt When You're Grieving Video: Coping With Guilt When You're Grieving Video: Coping With Guilt When You're Grieving Webinar \| TAPS Institute David Feldman Guilt is one of the most common emotions to experience after loss, but it can be the result of good people being much too hard on themselves. Although sometimes there really is something worth feeling guilty about, guilt can also result from good people being much too hard on themselves. We can sometimes expect way too much of ourselves and beat ourselves up when
Video: From Grief to Peace - Journaling for Life After Loss Video: From Grief to Peace - Journaling for Life After Loss From Grief to Peace - Journaling for Life After Loss Webinar \| TAPS Institute Heather Stang Journaling does more than simply record your day-to-day experience; it helps you organize your thoughts, process traumatic events, and find meaning through your lived experience. The many health benefits of journaling supported by science include reduction in symptoms associated with depression, anxiety, and trauma; improved memory; and increa
Video: Navigating Conversations Around Personal Loss Video: Navigating Conversations Around Personal Loss Navigating Conversations Around Personal Loss Webinar \| TAPS Institute Rachel Kodanaz People sometimes say surprising things to those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, often because they frankly just don’t know what to say. In reality, people stumble on words and gestures as they try to create a connection with a griever, possibly comparing a personal loss experience. While their intentions might mean well, how can they know how you
Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes \| TAPS Rachael Hill Filing taxes can be a daunting task and is one that I dread every year. I not only have to file my own taxes, but also for my two boys since my husband’s annuity comes in their names, making it a triple task. In the past, there hasn’t been anything extraordinary with their taxes and they are generally easy returns to compile. However, recent tax reforms have made significant chang
Redefining Self-Care in the age of COVID-19 Redefining Self-Care in the age of COVID-19 Redefining Self-Care in the age of COVID-19 \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff As a therapist and researcher, I subscribe to a lot of newsletters, listservs and organizations that focus on trauma, grief, moral injury and all things mental health. Typically, all of these sources offer unique perspectives on the aforementioned subjects but these days they are singularly obsessed with self-care. Every day, someone somewhere is offering content on self-care.
Sisters Celebrate Life — as Their Brother Would Want Sisters Celebrate Life — as Their Brother Would Want Sisters Celebrate Life — as Their Brother Would Want \| TAPS Katie Martin Beth Martin When our big little brother, Wyatt, died in Afghanistan in 2014, it was like each of us lost a limb. Besides not being able to breathe, we couldn’t even sit at a family event without feeling cheated. Wyatt, the youngest, had the ability to make every situation fun. These last five years could have been filled with just sadness if we had not made a conscious
There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! \| TAPS TAPS The Team TAPS Virtual Fundraiser Campaign is going through December 31. The pandemic hasn’t stopped us from lacing up and running, jumping on our bikes, or hiking a trail as we honor our fallen military and raise funds to support the vital programs of TAPS. Get Involved You can still participate in our virtual campaign or make a resolution t
This Pandemic of Grief This Pandemic of Grief This Pandemic of Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt The coronavirus is not only causing a viral pandemic—it is giving rise to a pandemic of grief. As I write this, in mid-March, we as a global community are suffering so many losses that I hardly know where to begin. Death and grief go hand-in-hand, of course. Thousands of people have already died of COVID-19 worldwide. Many more are dying now. These are terrible losses for their loved ones, who will need our support in the mon
Video: Mourning Your Loss When the Whole World is Grieving TAPS Talks Video: Mourning Your Loss When the Whole World is Grieving Video: Mourning Your Loss When the Whole World is Grieving \| TAPS Institute Patti Anewalt In these challenging times, some people are feeling guilty because they may feel more consumed with the impact of the current situation than they are with their own grief. Others may be struggling even more because of isolation, given that the supports and distractions they relied upon may no longer be available. In this recording of t
Video: You, Mr, Us: Supporting Couples after the Death of a Child Video: You, Mr, Us: Supporting Couples after the Death of a Child Video: You, Mr, Us: Supporting Couples after the Death of a Child \| TAPS Institute Tina Barrett Kim Parrow This webinar was recorded by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® and presented by Dr. Tina Barrett, EdD, LCPC and Kim Parrow, LCPC of Tamarack Grief Resource Center. This video recording of the workshop explores myths and realities of relationship strife after the loss of a child, common interpersonal dynamics, and t
Saturday Morning Message: When We Feel Overwhelmed Saturday Morning Message: When We Feel Overwhelmed Saturday Morning Message: When We Feel Overwhelmed \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Early in grief, everything seems to come upon us at once. Arrangements need to be made, paperwork completed, relatives and friends contacted, and your grief addressed. It is easy to find ourselves overwhelmed by the number of tasks. Then those who kindly want to host a ceremony to honor our loved ones send us invitations. We want to attend all of them, but som
5 Tips Surviving Military Families Need to Know as They Prepare for College 5 Tips Surviving Military Families Need to Know as They Prepare for College 5 Tips Surviving Military Families Need to Know as They Prepare for College \| TAPS Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann In 2002, I lost my dad while he was training to deploy to Iraq. I was 10 years old. College was the last thing on my mind, and it was not high on my mother's priority list either. Years later, as I opened the mailbox and pulled out “the big envelope” from American University, I knew my dad would have been obnox
Have A Coping Plan For Grief During The Holidays Have A Coping Plan For Grief During The Holidays Have A Coping Plan For Grief During The Holidays \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll It’s official: The holidays are here. Families will gather to share in the sights, sounds, and tastes of Christmas, along with the hustle and bustle of decorations, gifts, and holiday parties. But for families and friends of America’s fallen military heroes, the holidays can be tougher. There’s an empty chair at the table. The holiday photos and postcards are missing an i
4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death 4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death 4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death \| TAPS Hannah Grace I was in my first holiday season after Forrest was killed in Afghanistan when I realized that even in death he left me gifts I would forever cherish and be thankful for. Gifts don’t always come in the form of a pretty box wrapped with shiny paper and a bow; they sometimes come in ways that are invisible to the eyes. Each year during this time, I think about the gifts Forrest left m
4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew 4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew 4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann I lost my mother Air Force Veteran Nichole Haycock to suicide when I was only 19 years old, which is a really complicated age. Legally, I was an adult and had to make adult decisions, but in my mind I was way too young to be making these decisions. After all, I still called my mom to ask what temperature was to wash my laundry. I didn’t know how to make adult decisions without her. Six years later, I have accom
5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 Heidi Horsley Since Sept. 11, 2001, we have come a long way, and I have watched as bereaved families have once again found hope. I was honored to spend 10 years with 9/11 firefighter families, taking the grief journey with them, when I worked with the FDNY/Columbia University Family Guidance Program. The research study looked at traumatic loss over time in families who had lost a firefighter in the World Trad
Book Review: The Four Agreements Book Review: The Four Agreements Book Review: The Four Agreements Ashley Rao Spiritual teacher Miguel Ruiz promotes healing and transformation through ancient wisdom of the Toltec culture, a people native to Central America. In his book, “The Four Agreements,” Ruiz outlines “A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom.” Ruiz contends that a wall of fog distorts our perception of who we are: “It is as if we live in the middle of a fog that doesn’t let us see any further than our own nose.” This
Companioning as a Reflection of Love Companioning as a Reflection of Love Companioning as a Reflection of Love Alan Wolfelt To experience and embrace the pain of loss is just as much a part of life as to experience the joy of love. As they should be, thoughts, feelings and behaviors that result from the death of a person who has been loved are impossible to ignore. The experience of grief is very powerful. As we encounter personal loss in our lives, we have the opportunity to make a willful choice of how we are going to use the
My Father’s Voice My Father’s Voice My Father’s Voice Lois La Pointe Kiely I never heard my father’s voice. There were photographs of him, and I know his handwriting from letters he wrote to my mother. But I always wondered how he sounded. Did his voice reflect the French Canadian dialect of his parents? Or did it have a masculine North Jersey sound to it? Was he soft spoken or a deep baritone? He died in World War II when I was just an infant, and I will never know. Louis La Pointe, my father, enlisted twic