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'TAPStoo' Tells the Story of the Families Left Behind 'TAPStoo' Tells the Story of the Families Left Behind 'TAPStoo' Tells the Story of the Families Left Behind \| TAPS Kevin Penn “If what you’re doing requires no sacrifice, then you can do more.” That’s a phrase I heard once and it really stuck with me. And more than that, it guides, if not provoke, most decisions I make on a daily basis. I ask myself frequently if what I’m about to do is going to improve the lives of others, especially of those I care about most. And there are few in this worl
The Heroes Journey: Telling My Story The Heroes Journey: Telling My Story The Heroes Journey: Telling My Story \| TAPS Alexis Saizon-Cowley The following is an excerpt of Alexis' powerful story of suicide loss that she shared at The Heroes Journey storytelling workshop hosted at TAPS' National Headquarters in January. If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide, you can contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline toll-free by dialing 988. If you lost a military or veteran loved one to suicide, you are not alone. TA
Sharing Your Story Sharing Your Story Sharing Your Story \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell I am the story I tell myself, and so are you. We are, like the books we read, a series of chapters bound together by our values, our experiences, our choices and our sense of self. When people we love die, it can feel like the pages we’d set aside for those chapters in our lives have been rewritten, but not by our own pen. It’s as if these pages were drafted without our choice, without our storytelling. But as we come together in
Dragonflies: A Surviving Mother’s Connection To Her Son Dragonflies: A Surviving Mother’s Connection To Her Son Dragonflies: A Surviving Mother’s Connection To Her Son \| TAPS Ruth Wiley Those who knew my son Jim understood that no matter what, you were going to get a story out of him. To this day, people will tell me that Jim, an attorney for the U.S. government and the U.S. Army, was legendary for his stories. After Jim’s death, we flew into North Bend Airport and went directly to Holy Redeemer Catholic Church for his funeral mass. Before I le
Birthdays Birthdays Birthdays Elizabeth Rozier Birthdays have never been particularly difficult for me. I have a happy life. I realize with each year that I have grown into someone different than I was last year. Life brings changes and changes bring character. So as I age, I am grateful that I am not the same person I was the year before. However, every so often I have a moment during my birthday month that I recognize that someone I love isn't getting older with me. His face in all my picture
P.S. I’ve Got a Big Secret P.S. I’ve Got a Big Secret A Military Widow's Secret - TAPS News Linda Ambard I’ve got a big secret and soon the world will know it. The person involved will know it, but to understand the magnitude of these unspoken words, one must reflect on the past. A little more than five years ago, everything I knew about my life imploded with the assassination of my Phil. We had been married for more than 23 years and the only dreams I had revolved around growing old and dying together one day far away
Sharing Your Story: Healing Through The Media Sharing Your Story: Healing Through The Media Sharing Your Story: Healing Through The Media Kelly Griffith When three Marines came to my door the morning of Dec. 14, 2011, I had never felt so alone even though I was immediately surrounded by people. Then came the phone calls and inquiries for interviews from journalists. It was jarring. I wanted to hide away somewhere, but the world wanted to watch me grieve. A journalist by trade, I was used to questions - from the other side of the notep
What Shall We Tell Them? What Shall We Tell Them? What Shall We Tell Them? Deborah Robinson A letter to my family and friends Dear Ones, As I reflect on the eight months, six days, and fifteen hours since my son Brian’s death, it is confusing to figure out where I stand in this grief trip that I hate. “Hate” is not a nice or feel-good word, but it is how I see this loss and feel it in the pit in my stomach. It would seem that at least this empty stomach pit would reflect a thinner me, but I think that as I try
Write On: How Sharing Your Story with TAPS Can Bring Healing to You and Fellow Survivors Write On: How Sharing Your Story with TAPS Can Bring Healing to You and Fellow Survivors Write On: How Sharing Your Story with TAPS Can Bring Healing to You and Fellow Survivors \| TAPS TAPS "[Storytelling] is, in and of itself, a coping skill we can use to heal our hearts." ~ Rachel Hunsell, surviving sister of U.S. Marine Corps Lance Corporal J. Kyle Price, and TAPS Program Manager, Outdoor Engagement Losing a loved one requires facing a full spectrum of emotions, some familiar, some o
I Came, I Saw, I Healed I Came, I Saw, I Healed I Came, I Saw, I Healed Shanette Booker This year was my first time attending the TAPS Suicide Survivor Seminar, and it is an experience like no other. I found that in the midst of being surrounded by so many that I am not a lone survivor...that my story of survival is not the only one. It was so nice to meet so many surviving friends and family members of our loved ones, which to me was step one to healing and coping. I came to San Diego with an open mind, beca
Introducing Michele Marcum Introducing Michele Marcum Introducing Michele Marcum Michele Hiester Marcum I am Michele. And I am a survivor. My story mirrors that of every other TAPS survivor. The plot is the same, the ending ultimately identical, the tone oppressing. And there is no "happily ever after." Someone I love died, and I'm writing my way through the grief and tears in the hope that healing sneaks its way in. I became a bona fide TAPS card-carrying member after my brother, MSGT Michael T. Hiester, encoun
Introducing Bunnie Jacquay Introducing Bunnie Jacquay Introducing Bunnie Jacquay Bunnie Jacquay Welcome to my journey: a world of choice and change that constantly collides with the desire to just curl up in a ball and hide while I cry. I have met some extraordinary people along the way, and I also have been blessed to have the support and understanding from an amazing group of friends. There have been a constant few, affectionately named the Cody Comfort Club, who have been with me for every step of the journey and we
Memories of Childhood Fun With Beloved Brother Memories of Childhood Fun With Beloved Brother Memories of Childhood Fun With Beloved Brother \| TAPS Lauren Griffin As a surviving sibling, I can never be sure the right way to “celebrate” Siblings Day. If I post a picture alongside my friends on social media, does the reminder that I lost Andy take away from the light-heartedness of the day? If I do not post a photo, am I missing the opportunity to remind people of the incredible person my twin brother was? It is easy to feel jealous or
My Father’s Voice My Father’s Voice My Father’s Voice Lois La Pointe Kiely I never heard my father’s voice. There were photographs of him, and I know his handwriting from letters he wrote to my mother. But I always wondered how he sounded. Did his voice reflect the French Canadian dialect of his parents? Or did it have a masculine North Jersey sound to it? Was he soft spoken or a deep baritone? He died in World War II when I was just an infant, and I will never know. Louis La Pointe, my father, enlisted twic
Cold Hands, Warm Hearts Cold Hands, Warm Hearts Cold Hands, Warm Hearts Kelly Griffith Moving Forward Through Retreats Sitting on the plane from Seattle to Anchorage, my heart was a mix of emotions. I was headed for the TAPS siblings retreat in beautiful Alaska in February 2013. Seeing the start of the Iditarod was something I had always dreamed of experiencing, but never thought would actually happen. Like a lot of my dreams to travel the world, I thought it was out of my reach. When it was mentioned that the T
My Unexpected Journey into the Healing Arms of TAPS My Unexpected Journey into the Healing Arms of TAPS My Unexpected Journey into the Healing Arms of TAPS Bridget Singletary-Goodwin TAPS is a community of survivors. Some of us have lost loved ones on the battlefield, others to long-term illness. Some TAPS survivors, like me, have lost someone they loved in tragic accidents. My children and I are somewhat unusual as TAPS survivors, for not only have we suffered through the sudden and untimely death of my husband, we also survived the same c
Surviving Suicide Loss: One Mother’s Story Surviving Suicide Loss: One Mother’s Story Surviving Suicide Loss: One Mother’s Story \| TAPS Ava Henrickson The Night That Life Changed It was September 10, 2020. The pandemic was still affecting everyday life across the globe. I was lying in bed, half-asleep, when I thought I heard noises downstairs — like someone was knocking at the door. It was close to midnight, so I thought I must've been imagining it. I tuned it out, chalking it up to the neighbors being noisy. Shortly after I put it
Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made \| TAPS Carol Lane Editor's Note: This week, we are re-posting one of our most popular Saturday Morning Messages that originally was published on November 4, 2017. We hope some of our newer survivors can learn from others about how TAPS has helped them face the challenges of grief. Good morning, This week, I am going to keep my comments short as there were several writers who hav
A Mother’s Journey Through Writing A Mother’s Journey Through Writing A Mother’s Journey Through Writing \| TAPS Margaret Thomson My son, Pfc. Kieran James Thomson, took his life on August 28, 2010, three months before he was due to deploy to Afghanistan for the first time. Kieran was 22 years old at the time with a wife and a 2-year-old daughter. Despite being overwhelmed by grief, after several months I hesitantly began writing about my older son. I say hesitantly because I wasn’t at all sure whether formulating words and p
TAPS at the NFL Pro Bowl TAPS at the NFL Pro Bowl TAPS at the NFL Pro Bowl Christina Romero At this year’s NFL Pro Bowl, twenty families, including my children and myself were treated by teams4taps to a once in a lifetime experience. Initially, I was excited yet anxious. My children (Liam and Gracie) and I had only attended one other TAPS event. The seminar and Good Grief Camp had been so positive for us and I hoped this event would be as well. From the moment we landed in Orlando, TAPS military mentors and staff e
Suicide Survivor Voice Suicide Survivor Voice Suicide Survivor Voice Kim Ruocco I thought my life was over when my husband, Marine Corp Major John Ruocco took his own life. The thought of going on and raising my two young sons by myself was overwhelming. I could not imagine how I was going to get myself through it, let alone my boys. I felt alone, confused and isolated. I knew that no one would understand what I was feeling. I didn't know anyone that experienced this kind of loss. I felt ashamed and confused,
The Journey of Hope Never Ends The Journey of Hope Never Ends The Journey of Hope Never Ends Linda Ambard I am surprised at how much grief feels like fear. Nothing has felt the same since April 27, 2011. I spent my entire adult life following Phil around the world. First, I lived in his shadow and then the shadow of my children. Don't get me wrong, I loved being the glue that held our family together. I was the positive cheerleader standing behind my family. It was a comfortable role that I never saw ending. Living in t
Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering \| TAPS Pamela Gabbay My father, Jerry Henry, was in the Army for my entire childhood. We lived all over the United States and in Germany. I really enjoyed being part of the larger military community. After he retired from the Army, he became a long-distance truck driver who drove an 18-wheeler. Late one night, he crashed his big rig on one of his many runs and di
Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made — Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made — Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made — Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week, I am going to keep my comments short as there were several writers who have responded to the question about the difference TAPS has made in their lives. In addition to the Saturday Morning Message, there is also a monthly Writers’ Circle Newsletter that is published and goes out to those who sign up to receive it. It is for
Godwinks: To The Stars Godwinks: To The Stars Godwinks: To The Stars \| TAPS Davina French The rain beat down, creating puddles on the road that could throw your vehicle around a bit. The passenger window went down again. This time about four inches, I rolled it up and told Scout to quit messing with me. As soon as I got the passenger window back up, my driver’s window started to go up and down erratically. Then it went down and stayed down. Doing 60 mph, drenched by the sideways rain now inside my vehicle, I turned
Reflection of the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar Reflection of the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar Reflection of the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar Peggy Scallorn Upon arriving at the Colorado Springs, Colorado airport for the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar, I felt a great deal of anxiety and excitement all at the same time. I wasn't really sure what to expect or how I would feel at this event. Once I arrived at the Cheyenne Mountain Resort, I was greeted by hotel staff with smiles adorning their faces. Th
Grief is a Path Best Shared Grief is a Path Best Shared Grief is a Path Best Shared \| TAPS Perry Monroe We are all different in how our grief journeys unfold; and for me, my turning point came 13 years after the death of my son, U.S. Army Sergeant Christopher Taylor Monroe. For many years, I had held my emotions inside, with no one knowing of the losses I had suffered. Seeing how grief had affected those around me, I did my best to be the solid rock holding things together for everyone else. As a father, I w
Finding My Faith Finding My Faith Finding My Faith Rachael Hill I don’t normally write about my faithin my blog but something hit me recently that I just have to share. This past month my boys and I went to visit some friends out of state. Not just any friends, but my FLO (Family Liaison Officer) and his wife who we have become extremely close with since my husband’s death 27 months ago. I had known Daniel for many years before hebecame my FLO and he had worked very closely with my husband Jeff on numerous o
Making a Difference in the Lives of TAPS Children Making a Difference in the Lives of TAPS Children Making a Difference in the Lives of TAPS Children Amanda Gonzalez In the summer of 2012, I received an email from my chain of command requesting volunteers for the TAPS Fort Hood Good Grief Camp Out. The event sparked my interest, and I quickly wanted to learn more about TAPS. Once I read about their mission and how they provide support to the families of our fallen military, I instantly knew I wanted to be a volunteer with the organization.
Something Borrowed, Something Blue Something Borrowed, Something Blue Something Borrowed, Something Blue \| TAPS Kat Stanley Ester Allgower A wedding is a bittersweet event when the bride and her family are still grieving the loss of one person whose presence at the wedding is critical. As my family prepared for my nuptials to my boyfriend of six years, we were missing one important person, my brother and only sibling, Corporal Richard Allgower, USMC. I was so devastated at the loss of my brother that I often wondered if I would
Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness Elizabeth Rozier Growing up I often heard the stories of Jim and Elisabeth Elliot, Christian missionaries to the Huaorani tribe, an unreached people group in Ecuador. The Elliots and other friends, including a man named Nate Saint, had begun to reach out to the Huaorani tribe by dropping gifts from an airplane. The day they attempted a face to face meeting, some members of the tribe killed the group of men. I found Rachel Saint's story the most compelling after wa
Hope Is the Companion that Helps Us Believe in Tomorrow Hope Is the Companion that Helps Us Believe in Tomorrow Hope Is the Companion that Helps Us Believe in Tomorrow \| TAPS Renee Nickell I was about seven days into our state’s stay-at-home orders for COVID-19, when I awoke from a night’s dream. It went something like this: It was dusk at the high school my brother and I attended. The parking lot was packed with cars. My parents and I had wondered where my brother, Sam, had gone. It’s one of those weird dreams where you are your current age in th
A Journal For Jordan: Exclusively in Movie Theaters this Christmas A Journal For Jordan: Exclusively in Movie Theaters this Christmas A Journal For Jordan: Exclusively in Movie Theaters this Christmas \| TAPS TAPS Based on Dana Canedy’s bestselling memoir, A Journal for Jordan follows the true story of U.S. Army First Sergeant Charles Monroe King, Canedy’s fiancée. Before being killed in action while deployed in Baghdad, Iraq, King writes a journal for their son intended to tell him how to live a decent life despite growing up without a father. A TAP
Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Dreams not only come at night, but sometimes on a warm sunny day, we can be relaxing and fall into a gentle sleep, so that is why I chose this picture. The responders this week talk about a variety of times their loved ones came to them in a dream and the feelings around it. I know you will enjoy the replies that came in answer to this week’s question. Remember, you can write to
The Story Behind the Wheel of Aaron’s Car The Story Behind the Wheel of Aaron’s Car The Story Behind the Wheel of Aaron’s Car \| TAPS Jim Gennock My son, SPC Aaron J. Rathmann, U.S. Army 82nd Airborne, was stationed at Fort Liberty, North Carolina when he was taken from us in a motorcycle accident. Aaron had video-chatted me the day of his passing from a local car show to show me a truck he knew I would love. Moments after hanging up from that chat, Aaron was gone. Aaron grew up watching my friends and me build custom vehicles and h
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Sheri Lipscomb’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Sheri Lipscomb’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Sheri Lipscomb’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Sheri Lipscomb Faces of TAPS is a new series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Sheri Lipscomb is the surviving spouse of United States Army Sergeant First Class Ricardo Lipscomb, who died on July 19, 2004, while stationed at Fort Gordon, Georgia. The couple has two sons,
The Choice The Choice The Choice Linda Ambard For the past five years, I have learned to survive and to make it through the darkest nights. I have come to trust my decisions and discovered happiness through running, work, school, and the all too rare visits with my adult children. It a dull and predictable life that didn’t allow for dreams to creep in or for the wash of agony to take over. I closed myself off to any possibility of a life beyond that flat one dimensional plane. At 49, the spunky, warm, a
Walking Together Through Our Grief Walking Together Through Our Grief Walking Together Through Our Grief Jennifer Keeling The definition of “mentor” is “a trusted counselor or guide.” The word that stands out to me the most is “trusted.” When going through a tragedy, we are often spoken to with cliches and half truths to make us feel better, such as, “They are better off where they are now. You are young. You will find someone new and move on.” Someone may say, “Just put on a happy face, and soon you will get over this.” Whi
Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal \| TAPS Cella Logan Finding Purpose through Helping Others At a 2019 regional seminar in Jacksonville, Florida, I became a TAPS Peer Mentor. I felt ready to help guide other survivors through their journey of loss, heartbreak, unknowns and the life of widowhood. At that time, I was only 5 months into my new career as a Military Spouse Advocate with the state of Florida. I work with active duty spouses helping them find their purp
Saturday Morning Message: Jewelry Options, Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Jewelry Options, Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Jewelry Options, Part 2 Carol Lane Good Morning, The question about jewelry brought in so many responses that there needed to be a second Saturday Message devoted to them. This week, I thought I would add what I do with jewelry. The picture is the heart locket that I wear every day. Inside is my son, Bryon's, boot camp picture. When I go to TAPS or military events, I wear other pins as well. However, the heart is alw
Veterans Day Message from a Gold Star Son Veterans Day Message from a Gold Star Son Veterans Day Message from a Gold Star Son \| TAPS Nathaniel Lee I am Major Nathaniel Lee, United States Space Force, and I am also the Gold Star son of U.S. Army Captain Donnie Lee. My dad was killed in an aviation accident in 1997, when I was seven years old. After he died, we moved from Texas where we had been stationed to California where my mom was from, losing our connection to the military community we had known and loved. It was during that ti
Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them Companioning is about learning from others; it is not about teaching them Alan Wolfelt “Allow stories to be told without slipping into interpretations, analysis, and conclusions.” — Thomas Moore When I attended graduate school in traditional psychology, I learned semantics such as assess, diagnose and treat. In large part, I was taught to study a body of knowledge surrounding mental health, assume expert status as a p
Coping with Grief and Trauma and Loss: Home Base Reflections of Gratitude and Growth Coping with Grief and Trauma and Loss: Home Base Reflections of Gratitude and Growth Coping with Grief and Trauma and Loss: Home Base Reflections of Gratitude and Growth \| TAPS Katie Langer Carla Stumpf Patton Introduction by Dr. Carla Stumpf Patton, TAPS Senior Director of Postvention Programs At TAPS, we are privileged to witness the healing that so often comes with connections to our supportive resources, programming, and services. The postvention support offered by TAPS, especially, is
I Thought I Knew Grief... TAPS Has Set a New Course for My Future I Thought I Knew Grief... TAPS Has Set a New Course for My Future I Thought I Knew Grief... TAPS Has Set a New Course for My Future \| TAPS John Wellington Huss II I don’t need to learn about grief– I am living grief. The overwhelming waves of sorrow and raging undertows of fear pull me out to sea. When the waves rise, I can pop my head up and gasp for air, sometimes for an extended time. But, the waves inevitably crash. They spin me head over heels and drag me down. The riptides continue, wav
One Year Later: Reflecting on the U.S. Withdrawal from Afghanistan One Year Later: Reflecting on the U.S. Withdrawal from Afghanistan One Year Later: Reflecting on the U.S. Withdrawal from Afghanistan \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart I was 36-weeks pregnant with my son when CNN reached out to me for an interview. Like many in August 2021, I had watched with a heavy heart as U.S. troops withdrew from Afghanistan and the Taliban took over Kabul. In 2010, my father, U.S. Army Colonel John McHugh, was killed on those same streets that I was watching on my TV screen.
Off the Hook: Permission to Heal Off the Hook: Permission to Heal Off the Hook: Permission to Heal Chris Daniel May 2015 was looking up. Life was taking shape after a long period of turmoil. I had a new apartment and vehicle. I made it through the first year of co-parenting after divorce. Set to start work again as a contractor, I also prepared to start a leadership role in my church’s young adult ministry. To top it all off, I was building a deeper relationship with my two sons, Jaxon (4) and Tray (19). May was good. The
The Stigma of Suicide The Stigma of Suicide The Stigma of Suicide Don Lipstein March 14, 2011, I knew a handful of people who had died by suicide. I could probably count on 2 hands the number of people I knew who had struggled with the grief that comes with a suicide loss. That all began to change the very next day. The day I lost my 23 year old son to the demons in his brain. The day my education on suicide began. There isn't a lot I remember in the early days of my mourning! I do remember trying to tell
Seven Years Since My Last Hug Seven Years Since My Last Hug Seven Years Since My Last Hug Charles Palmer December 20th marked seven years since I hugged my son Charles for the last time. I remember that day like it was yesterday. We went to visit Charles at Christmas time, before he was due to deploy. My wife and I were there for ten days. We had a great time meeting his friends and other Marines he worked with. I remember one day we went to a small place on base to watch football with his friends. Marines can be r
Self Care Self Care Self Care Leslie McCaddon Reconnecting…with myself One of the things I heard early on at TAPS, as well as from my counselor at home, is the importance of self-care. I’m a mother of three young children. Whenever this term “self-care” is thrown around in my presence I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Photo Courtesy of Leslie McCaddon Take care of myself? Sure! I try to shower, most days. I eat well…well, at least when I eat the kid’s leftovers! I sleep. Sure, I sleep!
TAPS Suicide Survivor Seminar TAPS Suicide Survivor Seminar TAPS Suicide Survivor Seminar TAPS A place of healing and support Reprinted with permission from TIME Magazine’s Battleland Blog. Rebecca Morrison is one of two widows TIME Magazine featured in its July cover story on the surge in Army suicides. My New Family Thursday morning I bounced out of bed early and yelled “Oh my gosh!” I never get up on time and certainly never bounce. But this morning I knew that I would be headed to California for the TAPS sem
Christmas Without Chris Christmas Without Chris Christmas Without Chris \| TAPS Ami Neiberger-Miller My brother, Army Specialist Christopher Neiberger, was killed in action in Iraq in 2007 at age 22. The last time we saw him was at Christmastime when he came home from Iraq on leave eight years ago. All of the last photos of our family together and the last times we spent together were at the holidays. Photo coutesy of Dr. Richard Neiberger After his death, the holidays became very painful. We were always the kind o
Real Men Do Cry Real Men Do Cry Real Men Do Cry Jon Ganues Always the alpha male, I was used to denying myself any show of weakness. I had to show strength, control and the ability to fix anything with a roll of duct tape. But I learned duct tape can’t fix some things – like a broken heart or family relationships when there are differences in grief expression. I lost my son, Airman 1st Class Jon Wesley Ganues, Jr., on June 2, 2009, to suicide, five days before his squadron deployed to Iraq. He was a secur
Saturday Morning Message: Jewelry Options Saturday Morning Message: Jewelry Options Saturday Morning Message: Jewelry Options Carol Lane Good Morning, There were so many good ideas that came in about the wearing and placement of jewelry in the home that there will be two weeks on this topic. Let's broaden the subject this week to allow for other ideas on the display of these special items. The question for this week is: Do you wear commemorative jewelry or other attire or do you have a special place for them in your home? Sharing i
Professional and personal grief education at conference Professional — and personal — grief education at conference Professional and personal grief education at conference \| TAPS Karissa Kelley Once a year, the “giants” in the field of thanatology gather in one place for a whirlwind experience of education, networking and collaboration. Last week, I had the honor of representing TAPS at the 41st ADEC Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. The Association for Death Education and Counseling is the leading organization in thanatology, the study of death. AD
A Godwink in Denver A Godwink in Denver A Godwink in Denver \| TAPS Robert Bisterfeldt On April 1, 2023, my son, Joseph, had a brain biopsy surgery for his brain tumor, at UCHealth University of Colorado Hospital in Aurora, Colorado. It was a stressful time for my family. Joseph’s last brain biopsy surgery — back in 2013 — came with many post-surgery complications, and we hoped for a better experience this time. My wife, Amy, had just arrived back at the hospital to switch out with me — there was only one perso
Finding The Sparkle Again Finding The Sparkle Again Finding The Sparkle Again Rachael Hill Every year for Mother's Day I put together a photo book with pictures of my boys and myself from the past year. I give the book to my mom, my mother-in-law, and keep one for myself as well. As I work on the current year's book, I always seem to look through past books to get ideas as to how I have put them together, and as I reviewed our older books this year something caught my eye that I had never noticed before. The first
An Unexpected Transformation An Unexpected Transformation An Unexpected Transformation TAPS Since Army Capt. Joe Quenga began volunteering with TAPS in May 2016, he has recorded nearly 130 hours during 11 events, ranging from mentoring youth at the National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp to service projects at the TAPS headquarters office. Whether he’s packaging TAPS Christmas ornaments or spending time with his two-time mentee, Joe’s commitment to both surviving military families and the TAPS mission is
I'm Not Angry I'm Not Angry I'm Not Angry Michele Hiester Marcum I’m not angry. And that makes me mad. If you’re confused by that, then that makes two of us! Let me explain… During the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, I’d been especially mindful this year of the gamut of emotions existing among those crossing my path each day. There are driven shoppers, eager to snatch up deals with the tenacity of pit bulls, leaving nothing but empty shelves and harsh words in their wake. There are the sw
Moments Captured Forever: Behind the Lens for TAPS Moments Captured Forever: Behind the Lens for TAPS Moments Captured Forever: Behind the Lens for TAPS Paige Williams Lenzy Ruffin has been a volunteer with TAPS since the 2016 National Military Survivor Seminar. He took amazing photos during the weekend event to capture the meaning and connection of the TAPS family. Since then, he also covered the Army Ten-Miler in October for Team TAPS. Before becoming a professional photographer, Lenzy served as a lieutenant in the U.S. Army. TAPS is so gra
Saturday Morning Message: Supporting Others in Grief Saturday Morning Message: Supporting Others in Grief Saturday Morning Message: Supporting Others in Grief Carol Lane Good Morning, When someone you know experiences the death of a loved one, words just don't seem enough. Finding ways to help others who are grieving can be easier when you think of the support others gave you. Thanks to the survivors who wrote this week as they reflected on what was meaningful to them and used those memories to generate hints on best ways to reach out when som
To Watch or Not To Watch To Watch or Not To Watch To Watch or Not To Watch Kelly Griffith That is the Question Sitting in the darkened, crowded theater, I realized I had made a mistake. Why hadn’t I picked the cutesy cartoon movie about dancing penguins? Why did I choose to resort to emotional cutting? No. I would be fine. But I looked beside me and saw the looks on my family's faces and knew I had made a big mistake. It was just a few short months after Sammy's death on December 14, and we sat in a room f
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories, Big and Small Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories, Big and Small Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories, Big and Small \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture today was sent by Samantha, fiancé of Preston. I thought it was a great way to open today’s Saturday Morning Message because they look like they are having a great time. Read more about Preston below. I will keep my comments short, so you will have time to read the many memories that have been shared. Remember, you
A Father’s Promise A Father’s Promise A Father’s Promise \| TAPS Robert Gilbert "Brimfield Fire F-82 to RMH on the HEAR frequency, I'm en route 'hot' to your location with a 34-year-old female, full-term second pregnancy, with contractions less than five minutes apart, and my ETA is less than four minutes to your ER!" That was my radio transmission as I raced Robert’s mom, Catherine, to Robinson Memorial Hospital (RMH), as an EMT-I and firefighter. Upon arrival, the RMH Police parked my vehicle; Catherine was r
Rock On Rock On Rock On Michele Hiester Marcum When I was about three years old, I received a diminutive barrel-back rocker for Christmas from my aunt and uncle. Secured against the bottom runner was a little music box that would play a tinny melody with each forward motion. And when I rocked back, the music stopped. I don’t remember what my brother received that year, but I’m certain it paled in comparison to the significance of my gift. I loved that little chair, and when I left home to start my ow
My Memory Scarf: Remembering all of the First Days My Memory Scarf: Remembering all of the First Days My Memory Scarf: Remembering all of the First Days \| TAPS Lydia Burgdorf At my son Carl’s visitation, my friend Robin handed me a book and said, “Just a little something I’ve had set aside for you.” I tucked it in my bag and walked over to greet a new arrival. After the internment service and before another appointment, I opened her gift the next day. Titled “Knit the Sky,” the book was designed to encourage creativity. Its first project sugg
Knowledge. Connection. Hope. Knowledge. Connection. Hope. The Journey of a Surviving Spouse and Her Daughters Through Illness Loss The Journey of a Surviving Spouse and Her Daughters Through Illness Loss \| TAPS Robyn Thomson Lieutenant Colonel Todd Thomson Lt. Col. Todd Thomson proudly served his country for 20 and a half years. The love he had for being a soldier made him get up in the morning; it made his wheels turn. As a logistics officer, he spent time on various posts in the U.S., South Korea, and Ira
Living to Honor the Dead Living to Honor the Dead Living to Honor the Dead Carol Lane For many of us it is hard to open our hearts when our loved one has given the ultimate sacrifice to our nation and we remain behind. Yet we still have all the love to give that we have shared through the years and it doesn’t stop with death. In the beginning, many of us can only try to get through each day and survive with the pain in our hearts that comes from such a great loss. Our hearts, out of necessity, close up as we try to
The Answers The Answers The Answers Bob Bagosy When my son Tommy completed suicide the day after Mother's Day in 2010, he ended his life and in the process changed a lot of other people's futures. People who complete suicide may believe they are doing everyone a favor by ending their misery, but in their need to end their pain they can't see the consequences. On May 10, 2010 Tommy changed my life and the lives of Iris (his mother), Katie (his wife), Nathan (his son), Avery (his daughter) in addition to
Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Kim Ruocco My name is Kim Ruocco and I am the widow of United States Marine Major John Ruocco, who died by suicide at age 40 in 2005. John was an incredible husband, son, father to our two boys, and Marine. He was dedicated and passionate in everything he did. John joined the Marines in 198
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Events Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Events Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Events Carol Lane Good morning, I wanted to share one of my favorite areas at the 23rd Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp, which was where I was for Memorial Day weekend. This is a picture of the TAPS Family Tree. Survivors were encouraged to take a paper leaf and write a message to their loved one. There was a sticky back to the leaf, and the survivors could place it next to
Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, For many of us the past holidays have been stressful, so the first question of 2018 is not about resolutions that can bring on more uneasiness but rather the things we do to treat ourselves. The picture today is of myself and friends at last year’s TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar. This is the treat that I look forward to each year. It is a chance to get together a
Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Grieving Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Grieving Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Grieving \| TAPS Kim Ruocco As the holidays approach I am flooded with memories of Christmases filled with laughter, love and special family togetherness. My husband John always took the holidays seriously, and his enthusiasm was infectious. One of my favorite memories is from when the children were little, maybe 3 and 5 years old. We couldn’t get the boys to sleep, a
Honor and Healing on the Diamond teams4taps: Honor and Healing on the Diamond Honor and Healing on the Diamond \| TAPS TAPS Baseball –– Our National Pastime Over the years we’ve cheered for our favorite teams and players. we have worn jerseys, t-shirts and caps to show our spirit and pride. baseball brings to mind cherished memories shared with friends and family. Since the inception of teams4taps in 2013, the teams, players, coaches, and fans of Major League Baseball have welcomed hundreds of TAPS families at ballparks acr
Happy Memories Happy Memories Happy Memories Elizabeth Rozier Yesterday, which seemed to be the first real HOT day of summer here in Houston (end of May), my parents and I stopped for a snow cone at a local haunt. It's been a favorite of ours for years, as close to a New Orleans snowball as you will get in Texas. As I stood in line, glistening in the summer heat as all real southern ladies do, my thoughts turned towards summers past with my brother and the many snow cones consumed in childhood. There a
Top Resolutions for the Grieving Top Resolutions for the Grieving Top Resolutions for the Grieving Paula Stephens In 2010 I lost 150 pounds – true story. I lost 150 pounds that came from the deepest folds of my heart and radiated out into every fiber of my mind, body and spirit. What’s left of that weight sits in an urn on the table in my living room. My son Brandon. After that weight loss, losing that "last 5 pounds" or making New Year's resolutions based on vanity began to seem silly. Would I really be happier 5 pounds
Money Matters Money Matters Money Matters Terri Starliper Dealing with Death, Dollars, & Sense On August 5, 2000, I married USAF Technical Sergeant Christopher Sheaffer. We had been together for almost 3 years. Chris was a Freefall Instructor at the Yuma Proving Grounds in Arizona. I was an accountant in Phoenix. Chris had two daughters from a previous marriage. We had bought a fixer-upper house in Phoenix with land where we could keep our horses. I had been recently promoted. We were set. Life was pict
Dare to Share Dare to Share Dare to Share Stephanie Frogge Life with grief is challenging enough, but it can become even more challenging when we are called to share our story. While we know talking about our loss, our loved one, the experience of grief, healing and recovery and the details of the death, such as how we learned of it, are necessary and therapeutic elements of coping with loss and creating our new normal, navigating these fine lines can leave us vulnerable to hurtful responses. Beware of
Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support for Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support for Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support for Survivors Carol Lane Good Morning, This week survivors sent their heartwarming responses about how pets have helped them on their individual grief journeys. Many sent pictures of their house pets, so I thought you might find it interesting to see a picture of outside pets sent by Susan, spouse of Charles, at the beginning of today’s message. I will keep my remarks short this week as there were so ma
Let Us Not Forget Let Us Not Forget Let Us Not Forget Tiffany Eckert Recently I was asked what Veteran's Day meant to me… Veteran's Day was created to honor the brave men and women, who have served their country, past and present-a National holiday, pretty straightforward. Yet for many, this day offers a different perspective and reality. For some its having looked death in the eye, stared it down like a lion to its prey and walked away from battle forever changed. Others spilled their crimson blood in f
Light in the Midst of Darkness - Bringing Hope to Fellow Survivors Light in the Midst of Darkness - Bringing Hope to Fellow Survivors Light in the Midst of Darkness - Bringing Hope to Fellow Survivors Paul McShan That day in March 2009, I saw Ricky's name light up on my phone and I answered like I always did, "What's up jarhead?" When I heard a police officer's voice tell me there'd been an incident and the injuries appeared to be self-inflicted, I didn't believe him. At the time, I just couldn't believe it. I knew my son and this wasn't him. My wife and
Loss to Learning to Leading Loss to Learning to Leading Loss to Learning to Leading \| TAPS Kenneth Naglak Surviving Father Finds Purpose Through TAPS Workshop When my son, Aviation Boatswain's Mate Aircraft Handler Joseph Naglak died in September 2018 during flight operations aboard the aircraft carrier USS George H.W. Bush (CVN 77), just two weeks and a few days after he had gotten engaged, I knew more than anything I needed help. It took some time to be open to the calls from TAPS, but when I did connect, I learned
Breaking the Silence as a Survivor of Murder-Suicide Loss Breaking the Silence as a Survivor of Murder-Suicide Loss Breaking the Silence as a Survivor of Murder-Suicide Loss \| TAPS Brittany Noble McCarthy “Couple Dead in Murder-Suicide,” read one headline following the deaths of my dad and stepmother in January 2018. Rooted in his determination to take his own life, Dad’s final act precluded him from a burial with military honors after serving the country for 20 years as an enlisted Army sergeant with multiple combat tours. The headlines precluded
Why I'm Here Why I'm Here Why I'm Here \| TAPS Emily Henkel “I will get through this. I can do hard things. These hard things will make me better and stronger. Please let me fulfill the rest of my life on this Earth. Please let me use this for good. Please send me a blessing — any blessing — and I pray so hard that soon my rescue will come.” — Personal journal entry, April 7, 2021, from a cliffside in Death Valley National Park Life has exposed itself to me in its purest and most naked form — reve
Books to Help Your Child Books to Help Your Child Books to Help Your Child Andrea Hug When your child faces the death of a loved one, his or her primary support system is profoundly impacted. Your family must find new ways to communicate as you all move through the loss. Sharing your feelings and experiences is really important, and while a direct conversation is good, you may not get as much information as you’d like. You might get only brief answers without thoughtful consideration about how your child really feels
Saturday Morning Message: To Continue Traditions or Not? Saturday Morning Message: To Continue Traditions or Not? To Continue Traditions or Not? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes it is comforting to go to a place that was special to you and your loved one. This is a photo of Lake Tahoe sent by a survivor, Debbie, spouse of Tom, for inclusion in an earlier Saturday Morning Message. She wrote, “Lake Tahoe will always be my happy place and its magic holds the most incredible memories of joy, happiness and true love th
Saturday Morning Message: The things they leave behind Saturday Morning Message: The things they leave behind Saturday Morning Message: The things they leave behind \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week, survivors shared items they keep that are special remembrances of their loved ones. The picture today is of the laundry jug given to Marcia, by her son, Patrick, the last time he was home. She is the author of the original question. Read what others have saved to remind them of their loved ones. Surviving friends and family are invited to
Video: The Power of Story – Navigating the Mental Maps We Create Video: The Power of Story – Navigating the Mental Maps We Create The Power of Story – Navigating the Mental Maps We Create Webinar \| TAPS Institute Jesse Tubb This workshop is the second part of our two-part webinar series on The Power of Story, building on the foundation of how narratives shape our lives. In the first session, we explored how the stories we tell ourselves influence our emotions, decisions, and interactions. Now, we take the next step: understanding how these stories form the
Saturday Morning Message: Advice for Another Survivor Saturday Morning Message: Advice for Another Survivor Saturday Morning Message: Advice for Another Survivor Carol Lane Good Morning, This week the survivors who wrote answered the question, “Knowing what you know now, what would you offer to another person who has lost a loved one?” There were many ideas to contemplate and Karl sent a poem that came from the Internet which I think you will find meaningful. I couldn’t find an author, but I think it says a lot about how a grieving person feels
My Dad Died, Too My Dad Died, Too My Dad Died, Too Nathaniel Lee In 1996, my father Capt. Donald Lee was the Army’s Outstanding Aviator. A year later, he and his co-pilot were killed in a training accident when their helicopter crashed. My mother Theresa, my then 5-year-old brother Sam and I, age 7, had our lives thrown into turmoil as our family and the Fort Hood community dealt with this loss. By the end of that school year, we were moving to Northern California where my mother’s family lived, saying goodby
Dealing with the Media in Wake of Tragedy Dealing with the Media in Wake of Tragedy Dealing with the Media in Wake of Tragedy \| TAPS Ami Neiberger-Miller For many surviving families who have lost a loved one in the military, our interactions with the media are interwoven with our experiences in the days immediately after our loved one dies. We encounter the reporters on our front porch, field phone calls from the Associated Press, and might even scan pictures to share. As a seasoned public relations professional, I am no stranger
Agency Over Agent Orange Agency Over Agent Orange Agency Over Agent Orange \| TAPS Claire Henline “Hey ‘CG’ Can I get you anything?” It was the question my dad always asked me when I was really sick. The kind of sick he could tell just by the look of me — a crumpled up little lump of ginger lethargy on the couch with my woobie — was not just the ‘7 to 2 get out of school flu’ I sometimes came down with. It came in a tone of deep sincerity and earnest determination to fix it however best he could. His hea
Team TAPS: Battle Buddies Team TAPS: Battle Buddies Team TAPS: Battle Buddies TAPS TAPS provides support for anyone affected by the death of a service member, and that includes the battle buddies who trained and served with our loved ones. Not only are these service members TAPS survivors themselves, but many of them become runners and fundraisers on the Run and Remember Team as well. Sometimes they meet the family of their close friend who died. Often they are able to share stories of the one who died. Always they we
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Leslie Jackson Vallade’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Leslie Jackson Vallade’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Leslie Jackson Vallade’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Leslie Jackson Vallade Faces of TAPS gives military survivors the space to, in their own words, both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Leslie Jackson Vallade, surviving spouse of U.S. Army SSG Devin Scott Vallade, Sr., was introduced to TAPS through a phone call after Devin’s death in 2017. “I r
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Creative Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Creative Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Creative Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Creativity helps with our healing and honors our loved ones. Survivors share the various ways they use their different talents. The photo today shows poppies that Andi, mother of Jacob, crocheted for a TAPS seminar. This week you will read more about her work and the other innovative ideas survivors shared in this week’s message. I look forward to hearin
Attending TAPS Events: Encouragement for the Newcomer Attending TAPS Events: Encouragement for the Newcomer Attending TAPS Events: Encouragement for the Newcomer TAPS When someone we love dies, the world as we once knew it no longer exists. We find ourselves on a journey we never expected or wanted to be on. We feel isolated and we wonder if others understand the pain we feel. Deciding to go to a TAPS event can be difficult for the new survivor. We question how we will fit in, how we will be treated, and what the event will be like. Here are the
Saturday Morning Message: Making a Difference With TAPS Events Saturday Morning Message: Making a Difference With TAPS Events Saturday Morning Message: Making a Difference With TAPS Events \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Since our question this week is about TAPS events, and those who responded covered many of them, I thought showing a picture of American TAPS survivors meeting in 2016 in the United Kingdom might be helpful to show that TAPS also travels to other countries. If you want to attend an event from your own living room, I suggest the chats
Saturday Morning Message: What It's Like to Attend a TAPS Seminar or Retreat Saturday Morning Message: What It's Like to Attend a TAPS Seminar or Retreat Saturday Morning Message: What It's Like to Attend a TAPS Seminar or Retreat Carol Lane Good Morning, Deciding to go to a TAPS event can be difficult for the new survivor. Although they are held in various parts of the country, travel is often involved. The survivor asks, “What will this event be like?” or “How will I be treated?” I posed this week’s question asking survivors to share what a TAPS seminar was like. T
The Valley of the Shadow The Valley of the Shadow…Where Every Day Is Memorial Day The Valley of the Shadow…Where Every Day Is Memorial Day \| TAPS Heather Gray Blalock Those of us who have lost a loved one often feel as if we reside in the valley of the shadow of death. Every day is Memorial Day because not a day goes by when we aren’t remembering the one we lost. For me, the official Memorial Day felt different this year. In past years, I climbed Pikes Peak with my late husband’s unit, I founded a nonprofit that host
Someone to Lean On TAPS Peer Mentor: Someone to Lean On Someone to Lean On \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Peer Mentor Sara Wilson (left), surviving spouse of retired Navy Captain David Wilson, and her mentee, Kellye Bone (right), surviving spouse of retired Air Force Technical Sergeant Thomas Bone, have similar stories—their husbands had long military careers in similar jobs, they died of similar causes, and they both have daughters around the same ages (11 and 7 for Sara; 21, 13, and 9 for Kellye). They met for the
I Remember You I Remember You I Remember You Elizabeth Rozier I worry sometimes that I will forget you. You have the other half of my childhood memories and I know if you were here you would be correcting my version of the story. I miss that. I know one day Justin will want to know about you and I worry that I won’t be able to remember. Sometimes it’s easy to rejoice that healing but it’s also easy to forget that our life has moved on and you are not in it. I remember beating up Mikey because he tried
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Carol Lane Good Morning, This picture is the American flag next to a banner designed by Anne, mother of Michael, which is placed in a mall near her home to remind people of Memorial Day's meaning. You will read her comments later. Most of the TAPS staff, including me, will be attending the 22nd Annual TAPS National Military Seminar and Good Grief Camp on May 26 - May 30. If you are joining
#MyGivingStory #MyGivingStory My Giving Story \| TAPS TAPS You can help the mission of TAPS by sharing your personal giving story this holiday season. Simply share why you support TAPS and why others should be inspired to give to TAPS, too. Your story could help TAPS win up to $10,000 this #GivingTuesday, November 28, for families of the fallen. Share the Word about #GivingTuesday Visit #MyGivingStory to share how you help TAPS in our support of families around the country. Print off the TAPS “I Give B
Living Legacies, Meaningful Healing Living Legacies, Meaningful Healing Living Legacies, Meaningful Healing \| TAPS Noriko Stern Dianne Layfield Katie Davis Write it Down By: Kristi Stolzenberg, Editor, TAPS Magazine Karl Porfirio, surviving father of SrA Tre Porfirio, U.S. Air Force, was not a writer by trade when he sat down to write My Daddy’s Heart is Purple, but his dedication to honoring veterans and preserving his son’s memory earned him the title of children’s book author in 2018. While stationed in Afghanistan, Tre
All In With TAPS at National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar All In With TAPS at National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar All In With TAPS at National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar Misty Blum About a year ago I was on the phone with the head of Peer Mentor Training for TAPS. We were chatting about the upcoming national seminar taking place in Washington DC. He mentioned that it is a great experience but suggested for my first seminar I should attend the annual suicide seminar because it is so specific to my loss. Well, I know good advice when I h
Saturday Morning Message: Making Friends at a TAPS Event Saturday Morning Message: Making Friends at a TAPS Event Saturday Morning Message: Making Friends at a TAPS Event Carol Lane Good Morning, Coming to a TAPS event alone can make us wonder how "we will fit in, how we will be treated, and what the event will be like". That was the question last week and many have written to say they will be waiting for this week's answers. Some who answered this question talked about attending a TAPS event and others addressed going out socially after the loss.
When Does the Hurt Go Away? When Does the Hurt Go Away? When Does the Hurt Go Away? Artis Henderson On a recent morning, I was working in the front yard of my house in Florida when a neighbor walked over. Before then, we'd never said more than hello, but on that morning he wanted to talk. So we talked about my mango trees, about the drought, about the avocado he'd planted that never took hold. When we'd run through all of it and I couldn't think of where to take the conversation next, my neighbor surprised me by saying,
Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Betsy Beard Since October of 2000 when the first Run and Remember Team of two runners raised nearly five thousand dollars, fundraising has been a part of the team’s efforts on behalf of TAPS. Not only do TAPS runners spend time training for the event, but they also use their skills and ingenuity to raise awareness and raise funds in support of the TAPS mission. Some runners run only
Saturday Morning Message: Life Changes Saturday Morning Message: Life Changes Saturday Morning Message: Life Changes \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week is of TAPS volunteers working on sending out information to survivors. I thought it would be a good picture since so many of the responders talked about volunteer work they are doing. As for me, joining the TAPS organization as a Peer Mentor was a turning point. From there, the idea of starting the weekly Saturday Morning Message came. When I started working pa
Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support Saturday Morning Message: Pet Support Carol Lane Good Morning, Sharing your space with a pet can be very rewarding. Just having your pet cuddle up next to you when you are feeling down can be uplifting. Pets help us in so many ways. This week, I thought I would write to tell you about my two dogs, Fiona and Henry. Fiona is the dog on the carpet, and Henry is the one on the couch. They are both Scotties who are more like humans than animals. They sit by
A Father's Quest to Honor his Son A Father's Quest to Honor his Son A Father's Quest to Honor his Son Bob Bagosy Okay, it's finished! The quest to honor my son, SGT Thomas R Bagosy USMC is complete. On October 16, 2014 the Commandant of the Marine Corps General Amos approved the awards committee recommendation for Tommy to be awarded a Purple Heart for injuries he received in Iraq on December 18, 2006. According to one of Tommy's battle buddies, my son and four other Marines were in a Humvee providing security for an EOD team
Book Shelf: The Way Men Heal Book Shelf: The Way Men Heal Book Shelf: The Way Men Heal Kyle Balduf The ways we grieve are as varied as the swirls and ridges at the tips of our fingers. This is why Tom Golden's The Way Men Heal (G.H. Publishing, 2013) is such a refreshing perspective of grief. In his book, Tom challenges some of the traditional judgments associated with healing. And don't let the title of the book fool you. Tom explains, "The masculine side of healing is used by both men and women. It is not simply a 'man
How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life \| TAPS Nicole Langhorst September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the first of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suici
Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Kaylin Jennings-Knight I became widowed at the age of 27. At the time, I was five months pregnant and raising three young children. My late husband, Andre, was a disabled army veteran who suffered from PTSD and TBI. He lost his battle to PTSD on June 6, 2017. Many remember this date as D-Day. For my family, we remember this day as the day our world changed forever.
Reunion and Remembrance Reunion and Remembrance Reunion and Remembrance Ruth Crocker By the time I had been kissed by the eighth guy in line in front of me, my face carried the scent of a potpourri of aftershave lotions. This was not a typical reunion with family, old friends, or classmates. I hadn’t known any of these graying men, now in their sixties and seventies, until this moment. As they hugged me and planted friendly kisses on my cheek or grasped my hands, they gave brief introductions. "I'm Joe. I carri
The Year of Getting Off My Couch The Year of Getting Off My Couch The Year of Getting Off My Couch Linda Ambard For those of you who have followed my journey, you realize I am closing in on being five years from the loss of the man who meant the world to me. I would gladly have given my life for his because I recognize he was that bright and shining star who made the world a better place, but trading places was never an option. For those of you who have watched or read about my journey, you have seen my struggles and you
Learning to Love Again Learning to Love Again Learning to Love Again Amy Dozier We are all here because we have suffered a similar loss; the loss of a loved one in military service. Throughout the years we've had to endure the challenging task of creating our new normal. It has been exhausting, both physically and emotionally. We're strong because we've had to be. Amid the leaps forward come feelings of falling backwards with no soft landing in sight. All it takes is a song on the radio or the smell of an old shi
A Gold Star Mother's Day Reflection A Gold Star Mother's Day Reflection A Gold Star Mother's Day Reflection Carol Lane Gold Star Mother’s Day is recognized the last Sunday of the month of September. Each year I wear my pin to church as a remembrance of my son, U.S. Marine Corps Sergeant Bryon Lane, who died in July 2001. This has been quite a journey. It all started with a phone call to me while I was at a summer curriculum meeting at school. I was told to come home as there had been an accident. All the way home, I wasn’t
Grief Grappling - Fighting for a New Normal Grief Grappling - Fighting for a New Normal Grief Grappling - Fighting for a New Normal \| TAPS Sandra Egts There is tremendous shock, confusion, and even denial that accompanies sudden death. It is equally traumatic to watch the prolonged suffering of those you love. Regardless of how grief comes for you, it will come– it is the great, dark hunter. You can’t ignore grief. It tracks you down and demands its rightful share of your life, no matter what the circumstance. Back in my early grief
Grief Grappling: Fighting for a New Normal Grief Grappling: Fighting for a New Normal Grief Grappling: Fighting for a New Normal Sandra Egts Grief Demands Attention There is tremendous shock, confusion and even denial that accompanies sudden death. It is equally traumatic to watch the prolonged suffering of those you love. Regardless of how grief comes for you, it will. It is the great, dark hunter. You can't ignore grief. It tracks you down and demands its rightful share of your life, no matter what the circumstance. Back in the ea
Saturday Morning Message: Pet Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Pet Comfort Military Survivors Find Comfort in Pets - TAPS News Carol Lane Good Morning, The opening picture was sent by Donna, mother of Eric. It is a picture of one of her Yorkies, Gator, who is nuzzling her best friend's puppy. Later in the Saturday Morning Message, there's a photo of Sunny Bunny next to Donna's response to this week's question about the comfort pets bring a grieving person. Sharing your space with a pet can be very rewarding. Just having th
Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Reading can be very beneficial for those who are grieving. In today’s response section, readers shared their thoughts about how books have been helpful on their grief journey. The lead picture is from the book titled Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death by Bonnie Carroll and Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Clicking on the title will take you to t
The Fabric of Grief The Fabric of Grief The Fabric of Grief Sarah Greene (What’s in Your Closet?) Whatever you find in your jewelry box, drawers, and closets these days, rest assured that you are not alone and that your tastes will likely change yet again. Has your wardrobe changed since the loss of your loved one? I can tell you that mine has definitely changed. I have expressed (and sometimes embarrassed) myself in almost every clothing choice throughout my grief, and I don't think I am alone. The first
Transitions: Embracing the Potential Transitions: Embracing the Potential Transitions: Embracing the Potential Connor McCracken The landscapers came to my home yesterday. They came in like an unexpected storm - a whirlwind of activity trying to put some level of organization to all the yard's chaos. They have these loud machines that force a blast of air onto an object and catapult it into the air with the goal of moving that item of disorganization into a new, desired location. Five years ago, life was neat. It was organize
She Let Go — In Her Time She Let Go — In Her Time She Let Go — In Her Time Nicole Crans Planning for my departure to the TAPS Women's Empowerment Retreat in Sedona, Arizona, I struggled with an enormous amount of fear. I kept asking myself, "Why did I sign up to go on this trip? What exactly were these people going to expect me to say and do?" The fear got so intense I began to do what I often try to do - plan. The first day, I felt fear and worry for what was coming next. I soon discovered that all these women we
Soldier's Son on a Mission to Help Other Grieving Military Kids Soldier's Son on a Mission to Help Other Grieving Military Kids Soldier's Son on a Mission to Help Other Grieving Military Kids TAPS Timothy Swenson, age 13, of Humble, Texas, shares his story of coping with the death of his dad, to help other grieving military children. Swenson was six years old when his father, Army Specialist David Paul Swenson, Jr. died by suicide. Timothy has found help at TAPS. Timothy shared his story with reporter Lindsay Wise, from the Houston Chronicle. His advice
Learning to Accept – and Embrace – Uncertainty Learning to Accept – and Embrace – Uncertainty Learning to Accept – and Embrace – Uncertainty \| TAPS Maggie Bainbridge I love (LOVE) having a plan. When I was in high school, I had planned to be a nun, which ended when I fell in love my freshman year of college. College: I decided I was going to be a doctor, but then developed an allergy to formaldehyde. Graduate school: I was going to earn my Ph.D. in analytical chemistry. While working on my masters I met Bill, who was in the Army. I
Living the Legacy: Let the Good Days Come Living the Legacy: Let the Good Days Come Living the Legacy ~ Let the Good Days Come Gordon Bolar One of the things that someone said to me shortly after Matthew died in 2007 was this: “There will be some good days and there will be some bad days. Let the good days come and enjoy them.” I didn't believe it at the time but it turned out to be true. When I first heard these words in the wake of losing my son, I wasn't the most optimistic person on the planet. But lately there have been some
What do you say? What do you say? What do you say? TAPS (When someone asks how you are feeling) No matter what the season, answering the question of how we are doing is just plain difficult. There is no right or wrong way to respond, but following are some ideas from TAPS survivors. Perhaps their thoughts will help you to formulate your own response when you are asked how you are doing. From Carolyn Cagle, surviving mother of Lance Corporal John Cagle The end of the first year of his death is closing in
Marriage and Death - A Semper Fi Story Marriage and Death - A Semper Fi Story Marriage and Death - A Semper Fi Story Bob Bagosy The week of August 9th started out great with the marriage of my youngest son David to Janica in the Adirondack Mountains of New York. The day was perfect with blue skies, no rain and low temperatures. The wedding took place on Oak Mountain. A lift carried us to the top where sixty people welcomed the bride and groom. My Bagosy family attended and consisted of my wife Iris, myself, my daughters Stacy and
Our Fingerprints Don't Fade from the Lives We've Touched Our Fingerprints Don't Fade from the Lives We've Touched Our Fingerprints Don't Fade from the Lives We've Touched Bunnie Jacquay It's funny how we discover things; how we may take things for granted, or don't even realize the impact of our actions until later. There are times when I sit and read through all the messages left on my son's social media page, or the countless cards and letters sent to me after he died, and I realize what he meant to others. My son, SGT Cody Legg, continues to
Becoming Someone’s Why Becoming Someone’s Why Becoming Someone’s Why \| TAPS TAPS During the last week of September, close to 100 military and veteran surviving family members, representing 25 states, walked the halls of the U.S. Capitol led by the TAPS Government Relations and Legislative Affairs team. These survivors, ranging from ages 8 to 76 years old, had one goal — to advocate for four key bills that would have a profound impact on their lives, their fellow survivors around the country, and the survivors who w
Saturday Morning Message: TAPS National Seminar Highlights Saturday Morning Message: TAPS National Seminar Highlights Saturday Morning Message: TAPS National Seminar Highlights \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, There are so many things to do at the TAPS seminars, but the one thing to which I most look forward is meeting others whom I only know from computer connections. Working from home on the chats and with the Saturday Morning Message and Writers’ Circle Newsletter, I don’t meet those I contact in person until that seminar. It is a thrill to person
Grief and Fiction Grief and Fiction Grief and Fiction \| TAPS Joan Donaldson I am a freelance writer — I’ve published a number of magazine articles and personal essays, but when my son, the late Sargent Mateo Donaldson, took his life in February 2015, I could only stare at my computer screen. About five months later, at a writer’s conference where I was leading a workshop, a friend asked, “How are you doing? Have you written about your son’s death?” “No,” I shook my head. I couldn’t even form the words to tel
2014 Is My Year of Hope 2014 Is My Year of Hope 2014 Is My Year of Hope Linda Ambard 2014 is my year of hope. I never could have once imagined a small bit of what my life is now---not the unthinkable loss that shattered my heart and robbed me of every dream I had for my future; nor could I have imagined the blessings that rain down and overfill me with a sense of wonder and overwhelming paralysis because I deserve none of it. Some of you have known me long enough to remember a quiet and shy girl who was bullied a
Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hope Klinger: A Story of Honor and Hope Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hope Madeline LaMorie Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hope is a wonderful and helpful book for young children who are experiencing grief over the death of a parent or loved one in the military. The story of Klinger is a journey of loss, grief, and hope, which many of us kids can identify with— after all, we come to TAPS Good Grief Camp to share in our grief journey together. Through TAPS, we even get to meet animals, like Klinge
Letting Go... Letting Go... Letting Go... Bunnie Jacquay "Let go of what could have been." Such an easy phrase to say and yet such a difficult task. You start out with such hopes and dreams for your child and in the blink of an eye, your world changes forever. In my case, I was anticipating a wedding and a happy marriage for my son, perhaps grandchildren someday. Oh, the anticipation of the things I had planned as the next generation, and those to come, would play out as I grew older. One of the har
Godwinks: Special Gifts From Our Loved Ones Godwinks: Special Gifts From Our Loved Ones Godwinks: Special Gifts From Our Loved Ones Bevin Landrum When I first came to TAPS, I had never heard the term “Godwinks.” I remember feeling quite confused when a co-worker mentioned a Godwink story in our staff meeting. The meaning of the term was clear from her experience of a special song coming on the radio at the exact moment she was feeling alone and missing her parents. The song had always been one she listened to with her mom. It seem
We All Want 'What We Ain't Got' We All Want 'What We Ain't Got' We All Want 'What We Ain't Got' Rachael Hill Music has always been a huge part of my life. I come from a musical family and started taking piano lessons in first grade, but my husband was the one who opened my eyes to a whole new side of music. Whenever driving in the car, Jeff and I would always listen to a wide variety of songs and after a while, I realized that while I was listening to the notes and rhythms, he was listening to the words and would often tell
Life is a Gift Life is a Gift Life is a Gift Rachael Hill Every day I wear a black bracelet on my wrist with my husband's name on it. I never take it off. In some respect I feel like even though I had to take my wedding ring off, I still have this daily token to wear that continues to represent him. Sure it has his date of death on it, but it surprisingly doesn't remind me that he died, but rather that he lived! I wear my bracelet with pride. I get excited when people ask me about it, because it gives m
TAPS Families Visit Capitol Hill During Gold Star Families Remembrance Week TAPS Families Visit Capitol Hill During Gold Star Families Remembrance Week TAPS Families Visit Capitol Hill During Gold Star Families Remembrance Week \| TAPS TAPS The last full week of September is a special one for the TAPS community. Since 2018, Congress has recognized this time as Gold Star Families Remembrance Week providing an opportunity for the nation to pause as they honor and remember the sacrifices made by all those who have lost a loved one who served in the military. “Our nation
Waiting to Exhale . . . Waiting to Exhale . . . Waiting to Exhale . . . Amy Dozier January 9, 2008: The knock . . . the shock . . . They came around 8:30 on a Wednesday night. I had just put Emma in her crib and sat down to watch TV. There were three of them and I thought they were there to kill us. Why else would these official-looking men be at my house so late at night during an active war time? I didn't believe them when they "regretted" to inform me. I wouldn't even let them in my house. I remember shaking a
Putting on My Oxygen Mask Putting on My Oxygen Mask Putting on My Oxygen Mask \| TAPS Don Lipstein A Father's Journey to Healing and Helping Others I believe we are faced with choices along our journey. Some of those choices can help us heal while others tend to slow our progress and deflate our hope of ever getting to a safe place in our journey. A common thread among the men with who I have come in contact is that we were raised to be the strong, stoic presence. We were encouraged to help everyone else before think
They Tell Me of You They Tell Me of You They Tell Me of You \| TAPS Thomas Dolphin Good morning, my son, it’s been a year, Memorial Days come by so fast. I wanted to tell you that each year at this time Your brothers call and speak of your past. They remind me of how close you became During each workup before you deployed, Of all the dumb things you did to each other. Your company was always a joy, Many have told me how smart you were — Citing history and books you have read Claiming they would have done
In the Midst of Grief In the Midst of Grief: What We Can Learn From Our Children What We Can Learn From Our Children in the Midst of Grief \| TAPS Amanda Gallagher I am a mother to three incredible daughters, who have always given me more than I could ever give them. They are bright, kind, and funny. Since the day each of them was born, I’ve learned more about love than I can put into words. All their father or I ever wanted for them was the absolute best. Above all, we wanted what all parents want for their kids—t
The Gift of Leadership The Gift of Leadership The Gift of Leadership \| TAPS Coleen Bowman As the holiday season is upon us, I can’t help but look back and reflect on the past eight years. Rob and Coleen Bowman It was 2012. The weather was changing and the mornings were cool as we were approaching late fall. The chats that my husband Rob and I had sitting outside a Starbucks coffee shop in San Antonio, Texas are permanently etched in my mind. We spent our mornings drinking coffee and reflecting on our near
A Visit With Vincent A Visit With Vincent A Visit With Vincent London Bell I was excited and nervous in the days leading up to my visit. Then the day came. On Wednesday, March 4, 2015, I took the metro train to the Arlington National Cemetery stop. The moment I stepped off the train, I took a deep breath..... then another deep breath.......and another. I could see the entrance to Arlington as I walked off the elevator and I was in immediate awe of its beauty. I could feel the butterflies flying around in my st
Ten Ten Ten Michele Hiester Marcum Good things come in tens. Bowling pins, crab legs, athletic conferences, the fingers and toes of a newborn. My birthday falls in the tenth month of the year, the New Year’s countdown in Times Square begins at ten, and the tenth anniversary of most anything is a reason to celebrate. Unless… A decade. Ten very long years that have seemingly whizzed by on dragging feet since my brother left this earth. Basic math tells me there are 60 minutes to an hour, 24 hou
Expectations Expectations Expectations Rachael Hill Do you ever wonder why there are always so many expectations put on us as we are working our way down this grief path? Dealing with the death of a loved one is hard enough in itself, but it proves even harder when the people around you add more pressure as to what they think you should, and should not, be doing. They want a timeline of when your grieving will be done and when you’ll be back to “normal.” They want you to get rid of all your loved one’s
Seven Grief Strategies for the New Year Seven Grief Strategies for the New Year Seven Grief Strategies for the New Year Brad Stetson The old saying is true: "If there is an elephant in the room, introduce him." No good purpose is served by denial, yet we are very good at it. And when it comes to facing the pain of our grief with eyes open, we often turn away instead. But when we have a psychological elephant in the room of our mind, we should acknowledge him, and plan a way to shrink him down to a manageable size then get him on hi
Layers of Grief After Suicide Loss Layers of Grief After Suicide Loss Layers of Grief After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Cheryl Fischer Grief is complicated and layered. It takes and it gives. It changes a person forever and whittles you down to who you really are and have always been. It becomes a part of you even as you desperately wish it would go away and stay away. I lost my Army son almost two years ago to suicide. No one, myself included, ever saw it coming. He always presented as happy-go-lucky, high-energy, and funny
Saturday Morning Message: Replying to Comments About Your Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Replying to Comments About Your Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Replying to Comments About Your Grief Journey Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's question had so many responses that I am going to keep my comments short, but I wanted to send you a picture of a rose, my favorite flower, and have you read this poem, "Don't Tell Me That You Understand," written by Joanetta Hendel and sent by Karl, father of Tre. Karl wrote, "I sent my family and friends this g
Believing in Heroes Believing in Heroes Believing in Heroes Marten Wallace On September 2015, I had the great pleasure of representing TAPS at the Points of Light National Day of Service and Remembrance held at the Washington Monument. Being asked to be a storyteller to the 5th graders of Harriet Tubman Elementary School was a great privilege and honor. The title of my story was, Believing in Heroes. I asked the children during my story, what is a hero? Is a hero a cartoon character like Superman or an athlet
The Dream, Revised The Dream, Revised The Dream, Revised Tabitha Bonilla A glimpse into my thoughts this past September 11th anniversary… I feel like sometimes the outside world looks at me differently. I feel the pressure of others that I should "move on" since my losses occurred ten years ago. It is different on September 11th though. On that day, people pause in their everyday life, even if it is just for a moment. They remember. On this day, I feel like the world gets it, if only just for a day. I ca
Enough Enough Enough Michele Hiester Marcum I had the privilege of spending New Year’s Day with my third-grade scouts, shivering at our local state park. What was intended to be a lesson on conservation and environmental responsibility for them turned out to be yet another life lesson for me. Nothing like a chilly 20 degree day and my own words to clear the holiday fog from my brain. Before I explain all that, I need to tell you a little about where I am in my own journey. For many reasons, this ha
Recipes to Remember Recipes to Remember Recipes to Remember \| TAPS Liz Cimini My husband, Joe, and I married in 1970. I could only make waffles and chocolate chip cookies, but he was an excellent cook who (luckily) taught me some of his favorite recipes. My mother felt that marrying Joe was worth it for his excellent turkey gravy alone. I was a big fan of his chocolate frosting — it was like liquid fudge. We ate out often that first year, but gradually — between cookbooks and Joe’s guidance, I became pretty good
Run and Remember: My Destiny Run and Remember: My Destiny Run and Remember: My Destiny Xiomara Hall A Journey from Arlington to Arlington I used to think life was an adventure. I had lived through so much in my few years... I experienced loss early in my life when my mother passed, but I still I believed it was the natural order of things: children bury their parents. As I reflect on that period I understand now that it was part of a master plan, one that I did not understand, one I could not control, one that would car
Lest We Forget: teams4taps Brings 2 Families Together to Honor Their Heroes in Scotland Lest We Forget: teams4taps Brings 2 Families Together to Honor Their Heroes in Scotland Lest We Forget: teams4taps Brings 2 Families Together to Honor Their Heroes in Scotland \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.” - Anais Nin Great loss has a way of making the world feel larger than you ever noticed. You wonder if anyone will ever understand your pain, or — perhaps more practically — if you’ll ever be able to explain th
Choose Forgiveness Choose Forgiveness Choose Forgiveness Carlene Cross July 13, 2008 started out like any other Sunday. But a knock at the door changed everything. I looked through the peephole, clouded by years of Seattle rain, to see two blurry figures clenching clipboards to their chests. "Solicitors," I thought as I stepped back, waiting for them to leave. They moved alongside the house. A deep voice cut through the air, "There must be a back door." A mother's intuition gripped my heart. I rushed to the
Saturday Morning Message: Inspirational Movies Saturday Morning Message: Inspirational Movies Saturday Morning Message: Inspirational Movies \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Movie titles were shared this week that provided support for those who responded. Each responder shared how the movie helped in a special way on the grief journey. Since I wanted to make sure their thoughts were highlighted, a decision was made to place a link for each movie to IMDb for the summary, etc. If you want to know more about a movie, just click on the title
Saturday Morning Message: Paying Respects Saturday Morning Message: Paying Respects Saturday Morning Message: Paying Respects \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, While reading the latest TAPS magazine, I came across an article titled “The Love Languages of Grief” written by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. In it, he lists the five primary ways from Gary Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages” that help us feel loved. When a friend has a loved one die, this article can help us know what to do to make him or her feel our care. The responses this
Saturday Morning Message: Attending Funerals After Loss of a Loved One Saturday Morning Message: Attending Funerals After Loss of a Loved One Saturday Morning Message: Attending Funerals After Loss of a Loved One \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today comes from the article, “Blooms of Hope: Finding Strength Amid Devastation,” written by Ellen, fiancée of David. I thought it would be a good opening to this week’s message since Ellen presented the question. In the article, she compares the gradual return of her neighborhood after Hurricane Michael to
The News That Changes Everything The News That Changes Everything The News That Changes Everything Wendy Taylor Learn more at privatesorrow.com As reports of a U.S. Military KC-130 plane crash began inundating my news feed, tv screen and radio earlier this year, I felt the crushing weight of my grief once again. Pictures of the aircraft were catastrophic; I understood what they meant for those families who were just opening their doors to devastating words. My own memories of painful moments resurfaced and a flood of emotio
Healing on the Line Healing on the Line Healing on the Line \| TAPS Larry Mace This article is adapted from Larry’s original article which was published in the February/March 2024 issue of Fly Fisherman magazine. Unfortunately, I am the father of an Army hero who was killed in the battle of Kamdesh, on October 3, 2009, in Afghanistan. When my son, Stephan Mace, was stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado, I went out to visit him for two weeks to share our love for the outdoors. We hiked in the snow to U
Living with Less After Loss Living with Less After Loss Living with Less After Loss \| TAPS Chris Shank As a kid, my brother would always give me a hard time because I choked on food easily. I wouldn't be in danger or anything, but he thought it was hilarious. He'd glare at me from across the table, smile and ask, “You choking?” Years later, after his death, I looked around my messy, crammed apartment and imagined him asking me that question again. Yes, I was choking. Not on food this time, but on stuff. I was choking a
How I learned to stop asking why and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good \| TAPS Don Lipstein September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the last of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, pleas
Finding Our Way With Ford Finding Our Way With Ford Finding Our Way With Ford \| TAPS Patty Stubenhofer David El-Taher, Laura Rose Monk Crystal Becker So much life happens in cars. They carry us where we need to go — where we want to go. In them, we laugh, pep ourselves up for big days, and sing along to our favorite songs without inhibition. They are a part of first dates and first days of school; with their help, we bring home new puppies and new babies. On long drives, we share stories and snacks, nap deeply in the pa
How Writing Helped Me Heal How Writing Helped Me Heal How Writing Helped Me Heal Julie Burget Missing Max: Finding Hope After My Marine Son’s Death Had I any previous vision of that title, I would have been overcome with fear. And now, knowing that I authored such a book, I’m just overcome. On August 4, 2010, we received word that our son, Marine Corporal Max Donahue, had been hit by an Improvised Explosive Device (IED). He was serving as a working dog handler in Afghanistan. Max lost both legs and his right arm in
A New Role to Play A New Role to Play Honoring the Fallen By Helping the Next Generation \| TAPS William Wagasy A Navy SEAL from 2002 to 2012, I had three deployments to Iraq under my belt and had just finished a year-long deployment to Afghanistan when I returned to the United States. I served another six months in the military and transitioned to civilian life, and I was totally lost as to what to do next with my life. I wanted to unplug for a while. I didn’t want to answer to anyone. So, I moved from my du
I Didn’t Cry This Morning I Didn’t Cry This Morning I Didn’t Cry This Morning Dennis Apple During my lifetime I have endured a few severe winters. These were the winters when the wind was bitter cold, when several days passed without the appearance of the sun. The snowfall was extremely heavy, and travel was difficult. During those winters, I eagerly looked forward to the first signs of spring. As we approached the end of February and rolled into March, I knew the signs to look for. We have a tulip bed in our fron
Pure Gold Pure Gold Pure Gold Michele Hiester Marcum As a child, I loved the rambunctious revelry of Christmas, with its brilliant lights, mammoth toy catalogs, never-ending wish lists and long days of cookie baking and candy making. I loved the noise and commotion and the belief in Santa, who reigned in not only his reindeer, but over the whole world, it seemed. As an adult, however, I love the rich history and familiar traditions that accompany the Christmas season, begging my spirit to calm itse
4 Goals I Made After Losing My Loved One 4 Goals I Made After Losing My Loved One 4 Goals I Made After Losing My Loved One \| TAPS Hannah Grace Just a few days after the funeral for my boyfriend, Staff Sgt. Forrest B. Sibley, I visited his grave. I rolled out my American flag towel on the freshly laid grass, and sat there for about two hours, talking to him while enjoying the beautiful sunny Florida weather. I talked about how I was feeling — cried, laughed, shared memories — and it all led to making him four promises, which turned
Transforming Experience Into Advocacy Transforming Experience Into Advocacy Transforming Experience Into Advocacy Kim Ruocco and Emily Munoz There was a moment at last year's National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar when I looked around at a room filled with people I trust and respect - many of whom feel like family - and felt a rush of contentment. But then, in the midst of the overwhelming gratitude for the richness of my life, a terrible thought struck me. I realized that if not for the death of my husband, John, I would not
Flashback Fridays: Cherished Memories from a Child Revisited Cherished Memories from a Child Revisited Cherished memories from a child revisited \| TAPS TAPS Each Friday, please visit our blog and join us as we take a look back at stories, people and events that have shaped who we are today. We are a family of survivors honoring our selfless heroes who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. We are grieving parents, spouses, children, siblings, grandparents, fiancées, battle buddies and loved ones. We are hope. We are strength. We are TAPS.
TAPS Recognizes author and CNN anchor Jake Tapper at Book Signing Event TAPS Recognizes author and CNN anchor Jake Tapper at Book Signing Event TAPS Recognizes author and CNN anchor Jake Tapper at Book Signing Event TAPS On Wednesday evening, TAPS brought together 60 special guests with CNN anchor and author Jake Tapper at a reception and signing of Tapper’s critically acclaimed book, The Outpost: An Untold Story of American Valor. Bonnie Carroll introduced Tapper and showed a compelling video about TAPS and the impact TAPS services have on the families of Americ
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Ideliz Mora-Cruz Faces of TAPS is a digital content series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Ideliz Mora-Cruz is the surviving sister of Army SGT Geraldo Andre Mora Cruz, who died by suicide on March 15, 2015. Ideliz currently works as an Associate with the TAPS Surviv
Are You Ready To Rumble... With TAPS and Dare to Lead™? Are You Ready To Rumble... With TAPS and Dare to Lead™? Are You Ready To Rumble... With TAPS and Dare to Lead™? \| TAPS Terri Williams "I have watched over 300 TAPS Survivors graduate from our Dare to LeadTM program. Their growth, connection, and commitment to learn and help one another is a demonstration of the heart of the TAPS Community." ✯ Terri L. Williams, TAPS Senior Advisor and Dare to LeadTM Facilitator, Survivor of the 9/11 Attack on the Pentagon More than 300 TAPS
This is Happening This is Happening A Few Good Men Sarah Greene I accomplished what I have been aiming to do for the last ten years. Since my husband died in 2004, it has been my main focus. I got both kids off to college. In the midst of raising them as a single parent, fighting to overcome their "at risk" status, investing hours on long talks about missing dad and wishing dad were still here, acknowledging the anger, facing the "I don't knows", trying to be supportive, being both parents, and loving them
He Lives He Lives He Lives Shanette Booker Dre died almost four years ago, and yet he still continues to live his life. I have always pondered and questioned the whole "life after death" theory, and after losing the love of my life to death, I couldn't help but to imagine how life after death was possible for Dre. I was on my way to meet with a friend who had stopped by to visit with Dre after attending a funeral in the same cemetery where he's buried. My friend had never met Dre, and didn't know a
Personal Journey to Becoming a Military Widow Personal Journey to Becoming a Military Widow Personal Journey to Becoming a Military Widow Aissatou E. Sunjata My Life as Soldier, New Mother, and Wife My daughter was less than a month old at the time of her father being killed. The day before we were to go on our first family outing since my giving birth to Nikki, he had a surprise for us.. My husband, U.S. Army Specialist 4th Class, David Alexander Young, seemed to yell from our bedroom for me to come get something out of his way. I ent
5 Thoughts on Writing Your Story 5 Thoughts on Writing Your Story 5 Thoughts on Writing Your Story Karen Vaughn Shortly after Aaron’s death, I began jotting things down that I didn’t want to forget. I felt the need to capture every detail of our last moments together on earth — how he hugged me that last time, the posture of his body as I walked away from that final hug, the exact words we exchanged on our last phone call. Details. I’m so thankful I did that because just a short five and a half years later I’ve picked th
Strong Footing Again Strong Footing Again Strong Footing Again Laurie Copmann Life's encounters, both positive or painful, can affect our outlook, challenge our strength and shape how we respond to subsequent events. We pray to find hope in times of sadness. We may have to dig deep within ourselves to find light in so much darkness. Determination kicks in, and helps us keep trudging forward, so we can carry our emotional burdens. When we are overcome with sadness or grief, it can be difficult to continue the d
Coping with the Holidays Coping with the Holidays Coping with the Holidays TAPS Advice from TAPS Survivors Sometimes people expect us to plaster a smile on our faces and go about the holidays as if nothing were wrong. They don’t understand that every day is a challenge for us, especially in the early years and especially during the winter holiday season. Here are some honest observations from TAPS survivors about coping with the holidays. Although we may have different faith backgrounds and different relationships t
Sharing the Journey One Step at a Time Sharing the Journey One Step at a Time Sharing the Journey One Step at a Time Peggy Scallorn On January 2, 2012 my worst fear came true. I lost my beloved 18 year old Air Force son to suicide. Nothing in life could have prepared me for this devastation. I felt very alone in my grief and found it extremely difficult to function in normal daily activities. I was so consumed by my grief; however, from the beginning, I made it clear to others around me that I would not let my son's death be in va
Walking in Dad's Footsteps Walking in Dad's Footsteps Walking in Dad's Footsteps \| TAPS Weston Haycock Editor’s note: November is National Children’s Grief Awareness Month. Throughout the month, we will feature stories from surviving children, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, and how best to support them. When I was born, my father wanted to name me after one of his favorite artists. He and my mother argued between whether I would be named Leonardo, Fletc
Responding to Teen Grief Responding to Teen Grief Responding to Teen Grief Linda Goldman Teen years can be turbulent ones under the best of circumstances, and the addition of the death of a parent, friend, sibling, or peer can be unsettling even for the most well adjusted adolescent. Common grief symptoms, such as intense mood swings, can become very frightening and unpredictable. Kevin was enraged when he heard the doctor say calmly that his friend Tony was dead. "Why couldn’t you save him?" he screamed, as he pound
More Than Trains: A Surviving Sibling’s Story More Than Trains: A Surviving Sibling’s Story More Than Trains: A Surviving Sibling’s Story \| TAPS Kat Stanley I first came to TAPS as a surviving sibling in 2010 after my brother and best friend, Cpl Richard Allgower, USMC, passed away after a fearless battle with brain cancer. I remembered anxiously awaiting the TAPS Magazine for articles from siblings. They seemed to put words to the feelings and thoughts swirling around that I couldn’t quite express. I read plenty of articles that shared
A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words Elizabeth Rozier It's been a while since my last post . . . mostly because I have suffered from writer's block. When I had a good topic in mind life got too busy to write. So here I am catching up. I always like to share my story with others and feel sometimes that maybe I am a little too transparent. I decided these past few months that I really don't care if people think I am a broken record as long as one person gets h
Parallel Universe Parallel Universe Parallel Universe Alison Lighthall Living Two Realities at the Same Time Severe psychological trauma is a special kind of broken-heartedness. It takes up residency in you, sometimes making itself known in cruel ways and other times taking a quiet nap from which it can be quickly and easily aroused. It is a permanent condition that, on some rare and lucky occasions, eases with time or goes blessedly into dormancy but never actually ends. Immediately after the initial trau
Remembering J.R. Davis Remembering J.R. Davis Remembering J.R. Davis \| TAPS Theresa Davis Barry Lee Davis, Jr., or J.R. as he was affectionately known to his family and friends, was just 18 years old when he chose to join the Army and serve his country. His service took him to far-off places, like the Persian Gulf and Karlsruhe, Germany, before eventually settling near Fort Stewart, Georgia. J.R. was a hardworking, dedicated, and kind man — traits that earned him Bronze Stars, medals of achiev
Comfort Zones Comfort Zones Comfort Zones Shanette Booker I was never the one to "go out on a limb", or the one who "took a chance", or the "throw caution to the wind" type. I was a girl with a semi-low self-esteem who smiled because she knew some day the world would become a better place for her. I had my own comfort zone with clothing, friends, work, and even with excitement. I would hang out with the same bunch of people, never really letting too many "newbies" get attached or get to know me. I went
Reaching New Heights with TAPS Reaching New Heights with TAPS Reaching New Heights with TAPS Christina Wilson TAPS College Experience Prepares Surviving Children for the Next Chapter Being a surviving TAPS child doesn’t just mean losing a parent; it means losing someone who was supposed to help guide you through life. When my father died when I was 6 years old, I thought I would miss him the most during big events, like graduation and birthdays. Instead, I’ve found that I notice my dad’s absence most in the smaller
Gaining Strength on the Journey Gaining Strength on the Journey Survivor Father Finds Hope at TAPS Seminar - TAPS News Andy Weiss Remembering, Celebrating, and Sharing with TAPS My family attended the 19th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar last May. It was an inspiring weekend with our fellow travelers in loss. I marvel at how far this river has swept me downstream from where I first fell in, drowning in my grief. How far I’ve gone and how changed I am! I lost my son, Army First Lieutenant Danny Weiss, on M
The Healing Power of Mutual Support The Healing Power of Mutual Support The Healing Power of Mutual Support Lynn Patton My son, SGT Matthew Scott Patton served in the Army for five years with one deployment to Afghanistan. On May 13, 2013, he killed himself. He was only 23-years old. That day began the most horrific time in my life; a continuous cycle of anger, disbelief, and devastation. Eventually I felt better as I began to talk to and help Soldiers through difficult times; I was trying to save someone else’s Matthew. I didn
Birthdays and Angelversaries Birthdays and Angelversaries Birthdays and Angelversaries Rachael Hill Birthdays and anniversaries are days that can be both happy and difficult…especially when you have lost someone you love. For my two boys and I, our personal holidays are all in just three month’s time - May, June, and July. It all starts with my birthday on May 6th, then Mother’s Day, Memorial Day, my husband Jeff’s birthday, our wedding anniversary, my oldest son’s birthday, Father’s Day, my younger son’s birthday, and r
Forgiveness, a Key to Healing Forgiveness, a Key to Healing Forgiveness, a Key to Healing Andrea Hug Allowing peace into your life He died at the hand of another and I was left to raise our three small children alone. Chris was my husband, my best friend, and my soul mate. Simply put he was everything to me, and instantly I felt as if I had nothing. How could I go on? Chris, an avid cyclist, had gone out for a bicycle ride down a country road in the late afternoon on August 1, 1993 and was struck from behind by a man
About Love About Love About Love \| TAPS Jason Stout As I was walking through the grocery store this evening and past the shelves stocked with Valentine's gifts, I looked at the calendar on my phone, and it occurred to me that the anniversary of my dad’s death was coming up. Standing in that aisle and shuffling through the candy, stuffed animals, and cards got me thinking about grief, relationships, and my own journey through both. It was this week, 37 years ago, on a frigid Sunday morning, that my you
Saturday Morning Message: Displaying Our Folded Flags Saturday Morning Message: Displaying Our Folded Flags Saturday Morning Message: Displaying Our Folded Flags \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week there were so many varied responses that I am going to keep my comments short. Misti, mother of Ashton, sent this beautiful picture that she titled “Fallen Sailor American Flag” as her response to the question. I thought it would make a wonderful opening picture. Would you like to share a question or read how other survivors respond to a top
TAPS Songs of Love and Remembrance TAPS Songs of Love and Remembrance TAPS Songs of Love and Remembrance \| TAPS Andy Weiss Editor's Note: World Music Day is June 21. To commemorate this date, we share the story behind the creation of the TAPS playlist on Spotify. We invite you to share how music has played a role in your grief journey – in finding comfort, bringing back special memories of your loved one, or just allowing you to relax. Connect with us at editor@taps.org to share your story. What came first? What came la
The Love Lives On Act The Love Lives On Act The Love Lives On Act \| TAPS TAPS Linda Ambard This Valentine’s Day, TAPS honors not just the love we have all lost, but the love many of our surviving spouses have found since their loss. TAPS has been the driving force on the Love Lives On Act, which would allow surviving spouses to remarry at any age and maintain their benefits — because being widowed should not penalize you from the possibility of finding love in the future. The bill will be reintroduced later thi
Facing Grief During a Pandemic Facing Grief During a Pandemic Facing Grief During a Pandemic \| TAPS Meagan Greygor After my favorite person on the planet died, it was difficult to find any sort of peace. My friends and family mistook my numbness for peace. I think a lot of grievers go through this. On the outside, we smile, we say we’re OK. Inside, our every particle of being is screaming. Daniel Allen Evans and Meagan Greygor My favorite person on the planet was my husband, U.S. Army veteran Daniel Allen Evans.
The Gift of Comfort Through Others The Gift of Comfort Through Others The Gift of Comfort Through Others \| TAPS David Gross The third anniversary of Kevin’s passing was in March. Over that time, I have learned that my grief can come at any moment, anywhere, and in a variety of ways, some almost subtle, some violent outbursts, and everything in between. I have also learned that comfort and support for my loss can come at unexpected times and in unexpected ways. Many months ago, I had a dentist appointment in town, but before
Children’s Bereavement and Emotional Wellness, Part 2 Children’s Bereavement and Emotional Wellness, Part 2 Children’s Bereavement and Emotional Wellness, Part 2 Andrea Hug As grieving parents, we are concerned about the care and support we are able to offer our grieving children. How can we help children bounce back when they have experienced a profound loss or trauma? How do we offer good bereavement support for children? How do we help others to help our children? Consider the following topics in light of your child’s loss. Go through the bul
Finding Inspiration and Purpose After Loss Finding Inspiration and Purpose After Loss Finding Inspiration and Purpose After Loss \| TAPS TAPS Tori Seals Each of us walking a grief journey searches for meaning — a sense of purpose — after the loss of our loved one. This profound and empowering revelation comes to each of us at different times and different ways. For some of us, it comes through our connection to other survivors and seeking inspiration and hope from the growth they have experienced on their journey. For others, it may com
Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, spring arrived in my part of the country. My favorite flower is the rose, so I thought I would send a picture to you today. Now that it is warmer, people in my neighborhood stop and talk when they're outside. When I was young, many people would talk about who they were named after and why. This has always been one of my favorite conversations. Survivors
Point of View: Congress needs to eliminate the Widow’s Tax Point of View: Congress needs to eliminate 'Widow’s Tax' Point of View: Congress needs to eliminate 'Widow’s Tax' \| TAPS Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann This opinion piece was originally published in The Oklahoman on September 13, 2019. It is reprinted here with permission. The day my dad died was the worst day of my life. I was 10 when two officers in dress uniforms showed up at our door to tell us that a routine day of training had turned into our worst nightmare. It was April 12, 2002, and the
The Final Commute The Final Commute The Final Commute Claire Henline Cinco de Mayo sings out to me though each year as the culminating date of the journey on earth with my father. Eleven years ago on the 5th of May, we took him to his final rest at Arlington National Cemetery. Our last commute together. I commuted all my life with my dad. Even now I can describe for you so clear the back of his head . . . because I sat behind it for at least 16 years for miles and miles and miles . . . and miles. A precisi
The Second Year The Second Year The Second Year Janet Crane Facing the Reality The second anniversary date of my son's death was April 26, 2014. Another Gold Star Mother had told me the second year was worse than the first, and I didn't believe it. But it was true in many ways. Jason is buried several hours away from us, so we had made a special trip on the first anniversary of his death. I had known for several months that we would be going to his grave, and the stress and tension built each month i
The Rewards of Mentoring Military Survivors The Rewards of Mentoring Military Survivors The Rewards of Mentoring Military Survivors \| TAPS Amber Loveless Noah Velazquez Kristin Cook In honor of National Mentoring Month, several of our mentors, TAPS Military Mentor Amber Loveless, TAPS Peer Mentor Noah Velazquez, and TAPS Peer Mentor Kristin Cook, have shared their mentoring story. To learn more about mentoring opportunities at TAPS, please refer to Peer Mentors and Military Mentors and Legacy Mentors pages.
Honoring an American Hero at America’s Ballpark Honoring an American Hero at America’s Ballpark Honoring an American Hero at America’s Ballpark \| TAPS Grace Polk On October 16, 2003, New York Yankees Infielder Aaron Boone hit a walk-off home run in game seven of the American League Championship Series (ALCS). History repeating for the perennially downtrodden Red Sox Nation — a city of loveable losers lost once again. I was 8 years old. My mom grew up in Dorchester, and as a Massachusetts native, she lived through the dark days — the curse.
How I learned to manage ambush moments by replotting my grief journey How I learned to manage 'ambush moments' by replotting my grief journey How I learned to manage “ambush moments” by replotting my grief journey \| TAPS Terri Jones September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the third of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call
Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Linda Ambard People often put off doing the things they want to do because they believe there will be a better time for it. I know that Phil and I put off those couple's only dates and vacations because we thought we had time. In fact, I pushed for a Phil and Linda vacation together before his deployment, but he wanted to wait because it wasn't his top priority. It became the desire of his heart while he was deployed, and we had plans for that magical day t
A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed \| TAPS Perry Monroe In 2018, I visited the TAPS website and saw that registration for the Montana Men’s Retreat would be opening soon. I set the alarm on my phone and computer. If I did nothing else that year, I was going to do this. The second registration opened, I signed up. When I received confirmation, I was beyond excited. My excitement was a direct result of an encounter I had with Medal of Honor recipient Her
Military Survivors of Suicide Loss Build Community at the TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Military Survivors of Suicide Loss Build Community at the TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Military Survivors of Suicide Loss Build Community at the TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Earlier this month TAPS hosted its 14th Annual National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Dallas, Texas. It was a weekend full of community, hope, and healing as hundreds of survivors of military suicide loss came tog
Go for Five Go for Five Go for Five \| TAPS Don Lipstein Friday, July 17, 2020, started out like any other day. My morning routine: A brief walk outside. Fifteen minutes of Qigong. A short workout that ends with a plank. On this day, however, my workout was interrupted. My son, Joshua, showed up. Josh asked if I would honor him. “How exactly do you want me to do that?” I replied. Simple, Josh said. “Push beyond your three-minute plank. Give me four minutes.” I laughed. That sounded agonizing, at best. A
7 Lessons Running Taught Me About Grief 7 Lessons Running Taught Me About Grief 7 Lessons Running Taught Me About Grief Linda Ambard Just like grief, running is a journey, not a destination. My journey with running began nearly 41 years ago. While I was once pretty fast and I was a collegiate runner, I run for other reasons now. Running is the essence of who I am and it is the gift that I give myself. When my husband, Phil, was killed nearly six years ago, running became my way forward. It allowed me to process the tears, the fea
I Jigged When I Wanted To Jag I Jigged When I Wanted To Jag I Jigged When I Wanted To Jag Sarah Greene Those who know new grief probably find it hard to imagine that "joy" could ever enter their life again. But I have found that it is possible. And I can tell you the exact moment that the first glimmer of joy entered my house, 3 weeks after my husband died... My kids were 8 and 10 years young when their dad died. Prior to his death, they had known joy in so many things and one of these things was music. Not long before
Happy Birthday Marines! Happy Birthday Marines! Happy Birthday Marines! Shanette Booker As a little girl I dreamed of marrying a Marine like my dad, and going to the Marine Corps Ball dressed as a princess. I remember seeing the photos and videos of so many balls growing up and imagining what it would be like when I finally got to attend one with my very own Marine. I remember going to the ball a few times right after high school with my dad and a few friends, but there is nothing like going to the Marine Corps B
The Ties that Bind Unseen The Ties that Bind Unseen The Ties that Bind Unseen Linda Ambard A mirror displays a reflection of something that is solid and real, but reflection is only manifested by what the eye can see. Those mirrored reflections are only part of the story for behind what the eye can see is something bigger, something truer, and something more permanent. Time has changed the planes of my face. No longer does a young girl peer back. Instead, my skin is ravaged by life and the lines reflect laughter
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Book Thoughts Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Book Thoughts Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Book Thoughts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, The topic this week came from reading the article in the latest TAPS Magazine and on the TAPS blog about five books written by survivors. This got me thinking about writing a book to honor our loved ones and that became the subject for this week’s message. Some of the contributions are about books that have already been written or how the love of books was shared, w
Bring on 2013 Bring on 2013 Bring on 2013 Dayna Wood January 4th 2011 was the last day I ever saw Ko. It wasn’t the last time we talked, but it was the last time he hugged and kissed me. I remember him holding me in the lobby of my apartment building and whispering in my ear “You know I’ll be back, right?” He didn’t come back. As I learn to carry on without him here physically, I’m constantly presented with new challenges and hurdles. Most recently, the challenge has been acclimating and adapting to life
How I learned to re-embrace this precious gift of life How I learned to re-embrace this precious gift of life How I learned to re-embrace this precious gift of life \| TAPS Susan Carron-Demoreta September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the fourth of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide P
Death-Induced Midlife Identity Crisis Death-Induced Midlife Identity Crisis Death-Induced Midlife Identity Crisis Betsy Beard Who are you now? Life was simple when I was seven years old and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. Of course I knew! The answer was easy: a princess or a movie star. From my egocentric and immature perspective, the choices were limitless because all I needed to do was magically choose a career path. Reality was no obstacle. There was no fear that my selection was impractical or impossib
6 Women Who Inspire Us In Grief 6 Women Who Inspire Us In Grief 6 Women Who Inspire Us In Grief TAPS Women have defined so much of our world's history as leaders and pioneers. So, why wouldn't they help us define the way we grieve? In honor of International Women's Day, we recognize some of the women who inspire us along the grief journey. 1. Our mothers The woman who gave me the courage to grieve is my sweet mom, the most genuine, kind-hearted person I've ever known. When my brother died, she somehow instinctively knew
Beyond My Fears Beyond My Fears Beyond My Fears Linda Ambard A borrowed line from a song sums it up well. "People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years, but they don't see inside of me. I'm hiding all my fears." I've been afraid of my very first memories - afraid of fire, darkness, getting lost, fitting in, trying new things, you name it. I quake and feel slightly nauseated when I am confronted with new situations, decisions, predicaments and even surprises. I learned long ago, though, that waiting on
Wintering With Awe Wintering With Awe Wintering With Awe \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell As romantic as it sounds to feel an early autumn breeze blow through an open window — breathing in the signs of change it carries, I merely opened the window to rid my kitchen of the burnt-toast smoke plumes. I’ll prepare you a delectable four-course meal, but it’s risky to ask me to monitor the broiler. Once that cool breeze grazed my forehead, though, I felt compelled to open another window. Once our home began to swirl with aut
Be Gentle With Me Be Gentle With Me Be Gentle With Me Linda Ambard I thought I knew how my life was going to play out. Sure, both Phil and I were going to grow old and die one day---one day far, far away. A day after a brief illness and a time to get one's affairs in order and to say goodbye to loved ones. Before that one day, some day in the far off future, there was so much more that was supposed to happen. We married when we were both very young and had more children than anyone else. Phil was a Staff S
Requesting Your Service Member's Military Records Requesting Your Service Member's Military Records Requesting Your Service Member's Military Records Jen Harlow While military records are used to establish benefits and entitlements, they also tell the story of our heroes' military careers, capturing important events, dates and locations of service. These cherished treasures of our loved ones' service can be comforting in a time when grief has our emotions swirling and we don't feel like there's much we can control. Memories help us feel l
July 28th... July 28th... July 28th... Rachael Hill On July 28, 2012, it will be two years since I sent my husband to work for the last time. Two years since I last hugged and kissed him good-bye. Two years since I last heard him tell me he loved me. Two years since the four crew members of Sitka 43 took off for the very last time. Has it really been that long? Has another year really gone by? Where did it go? What did we do? It is still hard for me to believe that it has been two years since Jeff’s
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Mother Holly Higgins Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Mother Holly Higgins Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Mother Holly Higgins Story \| TAPS TAPS Holly Higgins Faces of TAPS gives military survivors the space to, in their own words, both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Holly Higgins, surviving mother of U.S. Air Force Senior Airman Daniel James Johnson, lives her life to honor her son. In 2010, Daniel was killed in action in Afghanistan and, ever since, Holly a
Wait...What was the cause of death? Wait...What was the cause of death? Wait...What was the cause of death? Shanette Booker In my first entry I mentioned that I labeled the cause of death as Medicinally Induced. I want to take this time to explain what exactly that means to me and how it differs from the suicide label that our loved ones are so quickly given as the immediate cause of death. My husband was more than just SSG Andre Booker, he was Dre, the love of my life. We, like so many others had our ups and our downs
Harvesting Hope: The Unexpected Bounty of Grief Work Harvesting Hope: The Unexpected Bounty of Grief Work Harvesting Hope: The Unexpected Bounty of Grief Work Emily Munoz I grew up in rural Tennessee, where I remember riding along with a friend's grandfather on a combine, watching and listening as he maneuvered the large harvester/thresher through a crop of corn (while I got grease on a skirt I shouldn't have been wearing on farm equipment). Joe Taylor and I were 6 years old when we climbed down from the high cab to look at the healthy corn bef
The True Meaning of Sacrifice The True Meaning of Sacrifice The True Meaning of Sacrifice Ron Bevan This item was originally printed in the Draper City Journal and updated for this publication by Ron Bevan, Sports Journalist with the Draper City Journal. The wearing of names on the back of uniforms is nothing new. It began as a way of identifying a favored player from the cheap seats. It is used today in professional ranks and most college athletic programs. Rarely does it make it to the high school level. The Corner
Finding Peace Through Climbing Finding Peace Through Climbing Finding Peace Through Climbing \| TAPS Leslie Gullahorn Olson Teddy Roosevelt used to go off into the wilderness after losses and hard times. This strenuous exercise and connection to nature and self-reliance seemed to be somewhat curative for him. I have personally found this type of adventure to be helpful for me. I hope this journey and others will be healing for you. My father, John Gullahorn, died suddenly from a heart attack in 1987. I was 18 years old.
Moving Past The Guilt Moving Past The Guilt Moving Past The Guilt Linda Ambard Phil and I had a good marriage—more than good, but it was not perfect. As soon as Phil knew he was going to deploy and for the length of the deployment, he checked out. He did the distracted sort of there, sort of not there communicating. He would forget key days such as my birthday and even Christmas once. It wounded my heart because I was the girl at home waiting and trying to be both mom and dad to our five children. Because I ha
Scars at Christmas Scars at Christmas Scars at Christmas Linda Ambard Most people have scars from past injuries. Some are noticeable and red, while others are nearly visible. Some marks are invisible to the naked eye, but can be seen on an X-ray whose picture is a silent testimony of past pain. Scars are a testimony of the body healing, however those welts are not the whole story. Initially a wound scabs and bleeds. It takes very little pressure or trauma to reopen the wound. As time goes by and the wound looks
Saturday Morning Message: The Power of Dreams Saturday Morning Message: The Power of Dreams Saturday Morning Message: The Power of Dreams Carol Lane Good Morning, This week several survivors wrote to tell about the dreams that they have had. They are so beautifully written that I am going to keep my comments short, so you can enjoy reading them. Over the Memorial Day weekend, TAPS will host the National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. There may be some who are reading this message who have registered for the first ti
When Tragedy Comes Home When Tragedy Comes Home When Tragedy Comes Home Karen Burris July 9, 1988 was the happiest day of my life. I was marrying my best friend, Andy Burris. We joined hands and walked underneath the Arch of Sabers not knowing exactly what that whack on the hind end with a saber and shout of "Welcome to the Army, ma'am" meant but we knew we would face it together. Our first duty station for me as a military wife was Ft. Bragg. It was there I figured out what that tap with the sword meant.
Four Years... And Counting Four Years... And Counting Four Years... And Counting Rachael Hill I say it every year, but has another year really gone by? How is that possible? How can time move so quickly, but yet so slowly at the same time? It has been four years. Four years since I last sent my husband to work with a hug and a kiss. Four years since that dreadful phone call bringing my world to a screeching halt. Four years since my husband died, and I was left to find my way in a world I never wanted to be in. A worl
She Said, He Said She Said, He Said She Said, He Said Chris Sweet Danielle Balmer Sweet Tech. Sgt. Ryan A. Balmer died June 5, 2007, in Kirkuk, Iraq. He was assigned as Special Agent to the Air Force Office of Special Investigations. Tech. Sgt. Jessica Sweet died February 12, 2009, five months after she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. She Said “How am I supposed to kiss you goodbye tomorrow at the airport knowing it might be the last time I see you?” As Ryan stood there that night with his
Making the Trip Making the Trip Making the Trip Kelly Griffith Inching along at a pace so slow that I was sure slugs would cross the American Legion Memorial Bridge before me, my mood went to a dangerous place – one where I could hear sirens in my head warning that an emotional meltdown was imminent. I was sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic at the Virginia/Maryland border. The windows were rolled down instead of using air conditioning, letting the 100+ degree summer air spill into the car and making my skin
A Mother’s Love A Mother’s Love A Mother’s Love \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg Maria Gonzales Pamela Wanga In kindergarten, out of all the books and flashy trinkets at the school book fair, I used my money to purchase Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. If I had to guess, I was likely drawn to the toddler sitting in the middle of pure chaos of his own creation — thinking it was probably a hilarious book. If you’ve ever read the book, you know that — while it has glimmers of humor that I now find relatable as a par
Open Your Heart to Healing: Emotional Engagement in Your Own Life Open Your Heart to Healing: Emotional Engagement in Your Own Life Open Your Heart to Healing: Emotional Engagement in Your Own Life Emily Munoz Have a Walkabout While the term "walkabout" originates in Australian Aboriginal culture as a soul-searching rite of passage, it has found more general usage to describe movement intended to alleviate the feeling of being unsettled, restless, dissatisfied or bored. Having a walkabout means going outside, whether in wilderness, an urban jungle, or yo
He is in the Wind He is in the Wind He is in the Wind \| TAPS Matt Davison I don’t recall the moment it happened. I only know that one minute I was in an intense firefight, and in a flash, I was hovering over the noise and chaos. Later, I watched, disconnected, as a steel casket draped with an American flag was loaded on board a transport aircraft. I knew I was not in that casket, and that I needed to be home, with her. I needed her to know I was OK, that there was no pain, and that I was at peace. I
Grief Is. Grief Is. Grief Is. \| TAPS Augusto Cespedes Grief is a memory— a deep thought you once tucked away and wished a hundred, million times was a fleeting moment. Valentine’s Day, 2007, early evening, Haqlaniyah, Iraq — Danny Morris was the last one of my three best friends I had to say goodbye to. Grief is a nightmare — vivid, living, beating, haunting, but part of you doesn’t want to wake up. Confused and broken, I replayed his death over and over in my head, exhaustingly dissect
Beyond the Sea Beyond the Sea Beyond the Sea Cindy Hooks Morrison Scaling Grief Mountain I have filled the ocean deep with tears and scaled a rugged mountain of grief, yelling and wrestling with my faith the whole way. With an aching heart and a broken soul, I climbed and I cried. I crawled and I yelled. I fell. Armed only with the strength of love left behind, I stood up, dusted off, and climbed again. When I got to the top, I saw that the world was waiting for me to emerge on the other side. I let a sile
Saturday Morning Message: The Power of Music to Heal Saturday Morning Message: The Power of Music to Heal Saturday Morning Message: The Power of Music to Heal \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week’s message centers around music and how it can help us as it enables us to tell others about our loved ones. The Roots & American Music Society partnered with Bonnie Carroll, founder and president of TAPS, to create a song titled “Love Lives On,” which was released yesterday, so it is our song of the week. Give it a listen, and tell me what you th
In Moments of Darkness, Hanukkah Reminds Us to Search for the Light In Moments of Darkness, Hanukkah Reminds Us to Search for the Light In Moments of Darkness, Hanukkah Reminds Us to Search for the Light \| TAPS Traci Voelke The miracle of light is celebrated in a season of darkness during Hanukkah and has been a tradition by the Jewish people for over two millennia. For me, the story of Hanukkah is a reminder that during my darkest hours of grief I can find hope by searching for the light with help from my loved ones. My husband, Army Maj. Paul Voelke, wa
Carrying On Carrying On Carrying On Dayna Wood If you’ve read any of my previous posts, you’ve probably picked up on the fact that I’m a huge fan of finding quotes that help me get through the day (or even just the next hour…or minute). It always helps to have a little motivation/inspiration during my weakest moments. Not surprisingly, one of my favorite quotes was shared with me through TAPS, and it seems to sum up everything I’m feeling. It says, “It’s not moving on. It’s carrying on.” With this in mi
Moving Forward "Moving" Forward Moving Forward Rachael Hill Change is sometimes the only constant we can rely on in our lives. No matter how good or bad a situation is, at some point it will inevitably change. Some changes are big while others are more subtle. My boys and I have recently decided to make a HUGE change in our lives…we have decided it is time to leave Alaska and will be moving to Minnesota this summer. I had been thinking about moving for quite a while but didn't know if I could really
Three Years Into The After Three Years Into The After Three Years Into The After \| TAPS Kelly Lennon Fitzpatrick It's three years into the ‘After’ and I am not sure who or what I am writing for, but I know that each year, threads of thoughts unravel and I try to spool them back together. The feelings are so fleeting and amorphous that it's hard to categorize the instances neatly. What sticks with me is the missing-ness of my little brother. We have spent a good deal of time mourning the loss of Sergeant Owen J. Lennon