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Klinger's Korner: A Season for Presence Klinger's Korner: A Season for Presence Klinger's Korner: A Season for Presence \| TAPS Andy McNiel The holiday season brings families and friends together, creating opportunities to make and share special memories and create or carry on traditions. But, in the midst of intense grief, the holidays can feel like a burden rather than a blessed time with family and friends. When children are in the home, you may feel the need to maintain positive, festive energy so they can still enjoy this speci
Grief Grappling - Fighting for a New Normal Grief Grappling - Fighting for a New Normal Grief Grappling - Fighting for a New Normal \| TAPS Sandra Egts There is tremendous shock, confusion, and even denial that accompanies sudden death. It is equally traumatic to watch the prolonged suffering of those you love. Regardless of how grief comes for you, it will come– it is the great, dark hunter. You can’t ignore grief. It tracks you down and demands its rightful share of your life, no matter what the circumstance. Back in my early grief
TAPS Remembers Our Friend Darcie Sims TAPS Remembers Our Friend Darcie Sims TAPS Remembers Our Friend Darcie Sims TAPS TAPS extends our sincere condolences to the family of our mentor and friend Darcie Sims. We are all deeply saddened and uniting around each other as we grieve together as a family. Darcie has been with TAPS since 1998, sharing her joy and inspiring our families at TAPS regional and national seminars, and she will be sorely missed. She will forever live in the hearts of thousands of grieving military families.
Success in Every Aspect of Life Success in Every Aspect of Life Success in Every Aspect of Life \| TAPS Renee Monczynski Growing Up and Growing Strong Together TAPS programming is guided by the belief that hope and healing can be found when we travel the grief journey together, connecting with those who understand our pain. Over the years, it became apparent that specialized programming was needed to bridge the gap between Good Grief Camp, which is for children up to 18 years old, and our adult programs. TAPS Young Adult P
Books to Get You Moving in 2019 Books to Get You Moving in 2019 Books to Get You Moving in 2019 \| TAPS Emily Munoz The Health and Wellness team has some book recommendations for you—four of the best books we know that can help you make better choices for your health and wellness journey this new year. The best part is that each of them is a pretty easy read, or you can also listen to them as audio books. Pick up these books and lay the foundation for some positive perspective as we settle into 2019. The RBG Workout:
The Year of Getting Off My Couch The Year of Getting Off My Couch The Year of Getting Off My Couch Linda Ambard For those of you who have followed my journey, you realize I am closing in on being five years from the loss of the man who meant the world to me. I would gladly have given my life for his because I recognize he was that bright and shining star who made the world a better place, but trading places was never an option. For those of you who have watched or read about my journey, you have seen my struggles and you
Volunteer Peer Mentors Give Their Hearts to TAPS Mission Volunteer Peer Mentors Give Their Hearts to TAPS Mission Volunteer Peer Mentors Give Their Hearts to TAPS Mission \| TAPS TAPS More than 1,100 strong, our compassionate Peer Mentors continue to give their hearts and volunteer their time to TAPS, recognizing how much their own Peer Mentors supported them during their early days of grief — and paying it forward. As one survivor shared, her relationship with her Peer Mentor has been invaluable during her grief journey: “I was matched with m
3 C’s for Holiday Grief 3 C’s for Holiday Grief 3 C’s for Holiday Grief \| TAPS Kenneth Doka For those who are grieving, the holidays can be unfamiliar terrain. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, this time is filled with fond remembrances of loved ones who are on your mind yet absent from your traditions and rituals. Acknowledging the difficulties of holidays after loss does not make a potentially difficult time any easier, but preparing for the holidays by tapping into helpful coping strategies ma
Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Often while grieving we care for others in our friends/family circle, but it is really important to take a bit of time each day to do something we enjoy. One thing that lifts my spirits is to sit and talk with a friend like these survivors are doing at a TAPS seminar. That is why I like attending TAPS events. There I meet other survivors and form friendships. When I a
Staying in Touch - Real Touch Staying in Touch - Real Touch Staying in Touch - Real Touch \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt The COVID-19 pandemic has millions of people the world over realizing they are touch deprived. Even people who haven’t considered themselves huggy, touchy people in the past are now expressing awareness that they need the physical proximity and touch of other human beings to feel well, especially during times of uncertainty and anxiety. As someone grieving the death of a loved one, you may have found yourself pa
Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week comes from the TAPS files. I thought it would be perfect for the 4th of July edition of the Saturday Morning Message as it has a very large US flag flown by a balloon with the TAPS inscription showing the strong connection between TAPS and our country. The 4th of July is another one of those holidays that can bring different emotions to various peopl
Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture shows photos of the loved ones of those who sailed on the TAPS New England cruise. I thought it shows that our loved ones gave the gift of love just by being themselves. This week survivors share some other special presents their loved ones offered. Some are physical items and others are memories the survivors carry on to others. I know y
What Kids Want Their Adults to Know about Grief What Kids Want Their Adults to Know about Grief What Kids Want Their Adults to Know about Grief \| TAPS Karissa Kelley Editor’s note: November is National Children’s Grief Awareness Month. Throughout the month, we will feature stories from surviving children, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, and how best to support them. At the end of a TAPS Good Grief Camp or Family Camp, Youth Programs staff asks each child to complete a brief s
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Carol Lane Good Morning, As 2016 comes to a close, it is time for many of us to look at where we are now on our grief journey and what has helped us. This week, survivors have shared what they are thankful for in their own lives, and TAPS has pulled together resources on the TAPS website to assist survivors during this time from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. You can re
Colorado Celebrity Classic Event History Colorado Celebrity Classic Event History Colorado Celebrity Classic Event History Christine Burtt Now in our12th year, the TAPS Colorado Celebrity Classic combines the most favored elements from our past events into a ONE and ONLY event in 2017, the Saluting our Fallen Heroes Songwriters Show & Dinner Concert. Presenting Sponsors and Gold Sponsors will also enjoy a special day of golf at the USAFA Eisenhower Golf Club. The TAPS Colorado Celebrity Classic began in 2006 when Lynne and Bo Cot
Our Hearts Are with You, Houston Our Hearts Are with You, Houston Our Hearts Are with You, Houston TAPS Our thoughts and prayers are with everyone in our TAPS family who is affected by the historic flooding in Texas as a result of Hurricane Harvey. We want to do all we can to lessen the added strain on our families. Please know that we have a dedicated, experienced, and knowledgeable Casework Team standing by to deliver support and assistance to all of our surviving military family members. Photo Courtesy Harris County She
Introducing Bunnie Jacquay Introducing Bunnie Jacquay Introducing Bunnie Jacquay Bunnie Jacquay Welcome to my journey: a world of choice and change that constantly collides with the desire to just curl up in a ball and hide while I cry. I have met some extraordinary people along the way, and I also have been blessed to have the support and understanding from an amazing group of friends. There have been a constant few, affectionately named the Cody Comfort Club, who have been with me for every step of the journey and we
Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process \| TAPS Rachel Kodanaz Returning to work may be daunting to someone who has just suffered the death of a family member or close loved one. Mustering the courage to re-engage in normal daily activities feels so distant, yet it has been proven that returning to work, school or worship plays a significant role in well-being. When returning to work after my husband, Rod, suddenly passe
Supporting Grieving Military Children: What We All Need To Know Supporting Grieving Military Children: What We All Need To Know Supporting Grieving Military Children: What We All Need To Know Bonnie Carroll November 15 is National Children's Grief Awareness Day. At the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), we provide comfort and care to anyone grieving the death of a loved one every day, but we take today to recognize the special challenges that military children face after losing a parent, and the strengths they carry that can help them cope
Young Survivors Find Hope and Friendship Young Survivors Find Hope and Friendship Young Survivors Find Hope and Friendship TAPS At TAPS, we want every child who has lost a fallen hero to know they don't have to grow up alone. Their TAPS family is always here for them, to offer comfort during the hard times and to celebrate life's happy moments. Led by experts in the fields of child development, mental health and education, TAPS Youth Programs provide safe spaces for exploring grief and embracing healing. In 2016, Youth Programs
The Gold Star Tree: A Holiday Memorial to Our Fallen Heroes The Gold Star Tree: A Holiday Memorial to Our Fallen Heroes The Gold Star Tree: A Holiday Memorial to Our Fallen Heroes \| TAPS Patti Nowaczyk During the Christmas season, the Hammond, Indiana, Welcome Center showcases its own exhibit of the movie “A Christmas Story.” Windows are filled with animated displays of scenes from the film. And yes, the leg lamp with the fishnet stocking shines brightly in all its glory. The display also includes 35 holiday trees, and there is a drawing to see who wi
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Ideliz Mora-Cruz Faces of TAPS is a digital content series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Ideliz Mora-Cruz is the surviving sister of Army SGT Geraldo Andre Mora Cruz, who died by suicide on March 15, 2015. Ideliz currently works as an Associate with the TAPS Surviv
Baseball Was There As My Refuge Baseball Was There As My Refuge Baseball Was There As My Refuge \| TAPS Soo Kim After the death in June of Tyler Skaggs, a starting pitcher for the Los Angeles Angels, team manager Brad Ausmus talked about what it’s like to play baseball when a teammate suddenly dies. “Once the game starts, it’s actually a refuge because it takes your mind off it, distracts you for a little while,” he said. “When you go back to your hotel room, you’re reminded of reality.” He was referring to the death of a
Honoring an American Hero at America’s Ballpark Honoring an American Hero at America’s Ballpark Honoring an American Hero at America’s Ballpark \| TAPS Grace Polk On October 16, 2003, New York Yankees Infielder Aaron Boone hit a walk-off home run in game seven of the American League Championship Series (ALCS). History repeating for the perennially downtrodden Red Sox Nation — a city of loveable losers lost once again. I was 8 years old. My mom grew up in Dorchester, and as a Massachusetts native, she lived through the dark days — the curse.
Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, spring arrived in my part of the country. My favorite flower is the rose, so I thought I would send a picture to you today. Now that it is warmer, people in my neighborhood stop and talk when they're outside. When I was young, many people would talk about who they were named after and why. This has always been one of my favorite conversations. Survivors
How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life How I learned to confront my despair and rededicate my life \| TAPS Nicole Langhorst September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the first of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suici
Video: Ryan Bass Interviews Sons of Fallen Hero with Dream to Visit all MLB Stadiums Video: Ryan Bass Interviews Sons of Fallen Hero with Dream to Visit all MLB Stadiums Video: Ryan Bass Interviews Sons of Fallen Hero with Dream to Visit all MLB Stadiums \| TAPS TAPS Media Ryan Bass of Bally Sports interviews Chase and Dane Gilbert as they completed visiting the last 2 of the 30 Major League Baseball ballparks with the teams4taps program, honoring their father, Air Force Colonel Ronald "Erick" (call sign Fangs) Gilbert. Select image below to play. honor them, military surv
Left Behind Left Behind Left Behind \| TAPS Scott McCutcheon Never in my 62 years on this planet have I ever met and truly connected with 20 new brothers the way I did at my first TAPS Men’s Retreat at Camp Operation BBQ Relief (OBR) at Lake of the Ozarks. That miracle happened in the days and nights we spent together in late July. I think every man there used the word “connection” multiple times in our conversations. That is just what we did. We connected with each other. Prior to my a
Loss to Learning to Leading Loss to Learning to Leading Loss to Learning to Leading \| TAPS Kenneth Naglak Surviving Father Finds Purpose Through TAPS Workshop When my son, Aviation Boatswain's Mate Aircraft Handler Joseph Naglak died in September 2018 during flight operations aboard the aircraft carrier USS George H.W. Bush (CVN 77), just two weeks and a few days after he had gotten engaged, I knew more than anything I needed help. It took some time to be open to the calls from TAPS, but when I did connect, I learned
Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The TAPS Peer Mentor Program offers a companion on our grief journey. We are matched with another survivor who has suffered a similar loss. The opening picture is from the article, "5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief," written by Amanda Klager who is the surviving sister of Army Spc. Adam Klager. In the article, she
Navigating Memorial Day: How a Rookie Volunteer Made a Lasting Impact Navigating Memorial Day: How a Rookie Volunteer Made a Lasting Impact Navigating Memorial Day: How a Rookie Volunteer Made a Lasting Impact Paige Williams Spotlight on Service: Brandi Burke To a newer TAPS staff member, the National Military Survivor Seminar can be intimidating. It’s a complex, fast-paced, weeklong family reunion, and I just joined the family. Beholding this mammoth of an undertaking for the first time was daunting. But I was inspired by Brandi Burke, a first-time TAPS volun
Spotlight on Service: Ruth Roberts Spotlight on Service: Ruth Roberts Spotlight on Service: Ruth Roberts TAPS Is the desire to volunteer the product of nature or nurture? In the case of TAPS volunteer Ruth Roberts, it may be a combination. Ruth was born a fifth generation Dutch citizen in The Dutch East Indies, now Indonesia. During World War II, her father suffered brutal treatment as a prisoner of war, and her mother, along with Ruth and two of her siblings, lived in Japanese detention. After the war, a bitter struggle for
Spotlight on Service: Mardee McDaniel Spotlight on Service: Mardee McDaniel Spotlight on Service: Mardee McDaniel TAPS What motivates someone to volunteer for TAPS year after year? The reasons are different for each individual, but often it all comes back to the people we serve. It’s the number one reason for many of our volunteers. One such volunteer, who has been coming back for 14 years, is Mardee McDaniel: California native, ex-software programmer, and mother of two sons, 18-year-old Matt and 15-year-old Ryan. Mardee first
Atlanta Falcons Andre Roberts Selected for the 2017 Salute to Service Award for Supporting Military Families Atlanta Falcons Andre Roberts Selected for the 2017 Salute to Service Award for Supporting Military Families Atlanta Falcons Andre Roberts Selected for the 2017 Salute to Service Award for Supporting Military Families \| TAPS TAPS Media Andre Roberts has made time for our TAPS families and always welcomes them with open arms and a big smile whether it's on the field or off. We celebrate his recent accolade as the recipient of the NFL's Salute to Service Award and are honored that TAPS was
Handling the Holidays Handling the Holidays Handling the Holidays Darcie Sims The holidays are coming and I’m not ready. Everything seems to sparkle and there is always so much to do! It is a festive time, filled with joyous occasions and family gatherings. But when your family circle has been broken by death, holidays and special days may only serve to remind you of the empty space at the table, the hole in your heart. I am not sure if I will ever again be ready for the holidays. The world has simply gone mad
PACT Act Signed into Law! PACT Act Signed into Law! PACT Act Signed into Law! \| TAPS Candace Wheeler The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) was proud to have staff and surviving families of toxic exposure in attendance at the White House on Wednesday, August 10, 2022, to witness President Joe Biden sign the Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson Honoring our Promise to Address Comprehensive Toxics (PACT) Act of 2022 into law. This historic bill ensures veterans of multiple generations who were exposed to bur
Photos: teams4taps USA Basketball teams4taps at USA Basketball Women's National Team v Australia USA Basketball Women's National Team v Australia \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (7 photos) teams4taps, photos, military survivor Flickr Album Event Photos: TAPS Families attended the at USA Basketball Women's National Team v Australia held in Las Vegas, Nevada on July 16, 2021.
3 Step Hiking Guide to Prepare for Any Trail - Even Grief 3 Step Hiking Guide to Prepare for Any Trail - Even Grief 3 Step Hiking Guide to Prepare for Any Trail - Even Grief \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell Article updated: June 3, 2021 TAPS Outdoors invites you to celebrate National Trails Day on Saturday, June 5, 2021, with your fellow survivors across the nation! We know, regardless of any holiday, there is power in pairing movement with time spent outdoors and the impacts are substantial not only to our physical health, but to our mental and emotiona
Photos: Team TAPS Cycling Classic Team TAPS at the Armed Forces Cycling Classic Team TAPS at the Armed Forces Cycling Classic Photos \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (20 photos) //
Photos: Team TAPS Disney Princess Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals \| Team TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (49 photos) Team Taps, Disney, Marathon, Photos Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals Flickr Album Event Photos, Team TA
Photos: Team TAPS Disney Princess Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals Team TAPS Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (166 photos) Team Taps, Disney, Marathon, Photos Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals Flickr Album Event Photos, Team TAP
Saturday Morning Message: How Do Dreams Help Our Grief Journey? Saturday Morning Message: How Do Dreams Help Our Grief Journey? Saturday Morning Message: How Do Dreams Help Our Grief Journey? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Dreams of our loved ones come to some of us and not to others. This is normal. If you have dreams, talking or writing about those dreams can be healing. This week, survivors shared their dreams and how those dreams helped their grieving process. They wrote about their continued understanding of the connection with their loved ones t
Remembering J.R. Davis Remembering J.R. Davis Remembering J.R. Davis \| TAPS Theresa Davis Barry Lee Davis, Jr., or J.R. as he was affectionately known to his family and friends, was just 18 years old when he chose to join the Army and serve his country. His service took him to far-off places, like the Persian Gulf and Karlsruhe, Germany, before eventually settling near Fort Stewart, Georgia. J.R. was a hardworking, dedicated, and kind man — traits that earned him Bronze Stars, medals of achiev
The Dream, Revised The Dream, Revised The Dream, Revised Tabitha Bonilla A glimpse into my thoughts this past September 11th anniversary… I feel like sometimes the outside world looks at me differently. I feel the pressure of others that I should "move on" since my losses occurred ten years ago. It is different on September 11th though. On that day, people pause in their everyday life, even if it is just for a moment. They remember. On this day, I feel like the world gets it, if only just for a day. I ca
Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Carol Lane Good morning, There are two ideas that came to me when I thought about Annette’s question, “What have you done with your loved one’s paperwork?” This picture shows survivors at one of the TAPS seminars, attending a workshop to create pages for a scrapbook about their loved ones. Perhaps each piece of paperwork could be mounted on a page with pictures or drawings pasted around it. Another insp
Spotlight on Service: Katherine Castelo Spotlight on Service: Katherine Castelo Spotlight on Service: Katherine Castelo TAPS “If someone is on the phone with me and needs me for three hours, I will make myself available for three hours.” Photo Courtesy of Katherine Castelo That's the approach Katherine Castelo, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, takes when serving TAPS families in her practice. Katherine's dedication is congruent with the level of care TAPS provides to all those seeking assistance. Katherine never puts a ti
Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Linda Ambard People often put off doing the things they want to do because they believe there will be a better time for it. I know that Phil and I put off those couple's only dates and vacations because we thought we had time. In fact, I pushed for a Phil and Linda vacation together before his deployment, but he wanted to wait because it wasn't his top priority. It became the desire of his heart while he was deployed, and we had plans for that magical day t
Saturday Morning Message: Our Places of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Our Places of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Our Places of Comfort Carol Lane Good Morning, The last two weeks we have shared some of the places or events that have given us comfort. It is not easy to communicate to others our special songs or original poems and paragraphs. Through the Saturday message it is hoped that we offer a safe and comfortable site to share and reach out across the miles to other survivors offering care and comfort as well as healing for o
Purpose In Connection Purpose in connection Finding Purpose in Connecting with Families of the Fallen \| TAPS TAPS Lori Branch’s commitment to volunteerism runs about as deep as her Georgia roots. Whether she is giving her time and talent to her children’s schools, her neighborhood or her husband’s Army unit, Lori understands volunteering brings purpose and makes a critical contribution to a stronger society. Lori has volunteered with numerous organizations throughout her life. Having completed training to serve
Friends of TAPS: DynCorp Friends of TAPS: DynCorp Friends of TAPS: DynCorp TAPS Since 2001, DynCorp International has lost 84 teammates while supporting our nation’s foreign policy objectives. The sacrifice of these contractors is not widely known nor heralded except by their families and friends. Our nation asked their loved ones to go to war serving beside our military. Their families deserve our respect and embrace. DynCorp staff wear red shirts on Friday to show support for the Armed Forces. In recognition of
Putting for Hope: Golf Tournaments Raise Mission Awareness Putting for Hope: Golf Tournaments Raise Mission Awareness Putting for Hope: Golf Tournaments Raise Mission Awareness Bevin Landrum Many of our families lay their loved ones to rest in hallowed grounds across the country. Perfectly manicured green lawns and lush landscapes. Hushed tones lend a sense of reverence. There are flowers and headstones marking their lives and our love. Paths lead us to sit with them for a while as we contemplate the memories and even shed tears of grief. On a dif
TAPS Survivor Newsletter August 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter August 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter August 2024 TAPS Media Cars can be much more than a way to get from one place to another. Families make memories in cars, and these memories carry on even after the loss of our loved ones. Thanks to generous support from Ford Motor Company, several TAPS families with meaningful connections to Ford cars and trucks participated in the exciting Ford Off-Roadeo experience in central Texas. Throughout the year, and in partnership with
TAPS Survivor Newsletter November 2022 TAPS Survivor Newsletter November 2022 TAPS Survivor Newsletter November 2022 TAPS Media TAPS is our family, a safe space where we honor our loved ones and remember lives lived in selfless service to America. While it is a folded American flag that brought us together, now it is an outstretched hand, a newfound friend, a caring voice on the phone, an encouraging text, or a reunion at a TAPS event that lets us know we are not alone. From Bonnie Carroll, TAPS President and Founder
Strength Through Communication Strength Through Communication Strength Through Communication TAPS Keeping in Touch Members of a family don’t always live near each other. Miles may physically separate us, yet we carry the comforting knowledge that our loved ones are always close at heart. The same can be said of the TAPS family. Our homes are spread across the nation, and even across the globe. But when our grief weighs heavy, we know our TAPS family is there to provide an encouraging word, a lift of the spirit, and hope f
Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Michele Hiester Marcum Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear brother! Happy Bir… Oh wait. Am I supposed to be celebrating your birthday? Do the angels throw parties in heaven like we do on Earth? Is anyone up there worrying whether the cake is white or chocolate? Or if the frosting is buttercream or whipped? Hmmm… the multitude of questions one ponders when there are no
5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 Heidi Horsley Since Sept. 11, 2001, we have come a long way, and I have watched as bereaved families have once again found hope. I was honored to spend 10 years with 9/11 firefighter families, taking the grief journey with them, when I worked with the FDNY/Columbia University Family Guidance Program. The research study looked at traumatic loss over time in families who had lost a firefighter in the World Trad
Happy Memories Happy Memories Happy Memories Elizabeth Rozier Yesterday, which seemed to be the first real HOT day of summer here in Houston (end of May), my parents and I stopped for a snow cone at a local haunt. It's been a favorite of ours for years, as close to a New Orleans snowball as you will get in Texas. As I stood in line, glistening in the summer heat as all real southern ladies do, my thoughts turned towards summers past with my brother and the many snow cones consumed in childhood. There a
Klinger’s Korner: Model & Teach Healthy Coping Klinger’s Korner: Model & Teach Healthy Coping Klinger’s Korner: Model & Teach Healthy Coping \| TAPS Andy McNiel “Children are keen observers but poor interpreters.” ~ Rudolf Dreikurs Children are like sponges, absorbing the world around them. They watch our actions during and reactions to situations as they occur. They hear the words we say in various settings and circumstances. They are paying attention to the way we react to them — when they play, when they are upset, and when th
Healing Your Grieving Heart Healing Your Grieving Heart Healing Your Grieving Heart \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt Excerpt from book by Bonnie Carroll and Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D. The TAPS family is always reaching our arms to you. Whether at seminars, retreats, or virtually through our online resources, we understand the need to have the support of an understanding community as we navigate the grief journey. We share our grief, our memories and our daily experiences to build strength and hope. When we cannot be t
The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Learning from the Geese If there is ever a time in life when we need others to support and nurture us, it’s when someone we love dies. In many ways, grief work is the most difficult work we will ever do. And hard work is less burdensome when others lend a hand. Sharing the devastation that results from the death of someone precious won’t make the hurt go away, but it does make it more b
Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Earl has become an online global sensation! This week, he reached the kind of fame that can only be described as viral when he was the star of a heartwarming video that’s been viewed more than 4 million times. His story has been featured in newscasts coast to coast and it’s fair to say America has fallen in love with Earl. Behind the cute pup’s rise from sickl
Get Texts From Your TAPS Family! Get Texts From Your TAPS Family! Get Texts From Your TAPS Family! TAPS TAPS is expanding our mobile messaging capabilities with an exciting new program that allows us to text care group reminders, event invitations, deadlines and more to mobile phones in the US. Want to sign up? Just text TAPS to 95577. All TAPS text messages will come from the short code 95577. Some of you may already receive personal text messages from our Survivor Care Team or other staff with whom you have a relations
Vacations, Who Needs ‘Em? Vacations, Who Needs ‘Em? Vacations, Who Needs ‘Em? Betsy Beard When our son died, there were so many details and arrangements vying for attention I couldn’t begin to comprehend all the changes that would follow. At some point in the next year or so, one of those changes surfaced: the way I felt about, planned for, and took vacations. Many survivors have found vacationing to be problematic, so as we head into the warmer months let’s give some thought to the who, what, when, where, why, and ho
Guilt—What It Is Guilt—What It Is Guilt—What It Is Bob Baugher And What to Do About It After your loved one died, did you find yourself saying things such as: I should’ve, I shouldn’t have, If only, I wish I would’ve, or why didn’t I? If so, you are part of a very large group of humans who have felt guilty following a death. It doesn’t matter whether the death took place thousands of miles away or in your home. It matters less whether your loved one died in an accident, in a war setting, or due to an inter
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Saturday, November 23, 2024, is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day (also referred to as ISOSLD or Survivor Day). As a national nonprofit founded in 1994, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), is a peer-based grief support organization serving all who are grieving the death of a service member or veteran. In 2008, the TAPS Suicide Prevention and Postventio
The Valley of the Shadow The Valley of the Shadow…Where Every Day Is Memorial Day The Valley of the Shadow…Where Every Day Is Memorial Day \| TAPS Heather Gray Blalock Those of us who have lost a loved one often feel as if we reside in the valley of the shadow of death. Every day is Memorial Day because not a day goes by when we aren’t remembering the one we lost. For me, the official Memorial Day felt different this year. In past years, I climbed Pikes Peak with my late husband’s unit, I founded a nonprofit that host
TAPS Family Reunion Memorial Day: A Family Reunion Like No Other Memorial Day: A Family Reunion Like No Other \| TAPS Heather Nesle I started at New York Life seven months ago and heard about TAPS on my first day. Since that day, I had been looking forward to attending the National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Washington, D.C. The idea of spending Memorial Day weekend assisting military families in some small way was something I was truly looking forward to doing. In addition to being exc
Adjusting to a New Normal Adjusting to a New Normal Adjusting to a New Normal Darcie Sims When Normal Isn't Normal Any More Today I started to take down the tree and put away the holiday decorations. Yes, I know it's March, but after the effort of creating a new holiday routine in my life, it didn't seem right to simply discard it after a few short weeks. After all, creating a new way of looking at the holidays took a great deal of energy. I tried a new decorating scheme this year (we hung all the stockings – whe
Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Rachael Hill On May 19th I ran my first full marathon in Fargo, ND with the TAPS Run and Remember team. I have had people ask me, “Why would you want to run 26.2 miles? That’s crazy!” Yes, it is definitely crazy but in my mind if you can run a marathon, you can do anything! My running adventures began in the summer of 2009. We had been in Alaska for not quite a year and I randomly decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Jeff was always very supportive of what
Finding Your Community Finding Your Community Erin Leigh Nelson & Colleen E. Montague, LMFT The loss that brought you to TAPS and the secondary losses that follow can impact your connection to the world around you and the people in your circle — even those closest to you. As you navigate your grief and changing relationships, let the words that follow be a guide and source of support. Changes in Community You are living with your loss in connection with others and finding ways to grieve together with differen
To Your Health To Your Health To Your Health LaRita Archibald Self Care "Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self neglecting." ~ William Shakespeare, Henry V Grieving is very hard work. It depletes energy and robs one of rest, of joy, and of the wish to care properly for oneself. For a time, most bereaved don't care whether they reestablish routine or restore structure in their lives. Some may not care about maintaining their health. Each is obsessed with the death and the loss that has occ
Volunteering as an Act of Healing Volunteering as an Act of Healing Volunteering as an Act of Healing \| TAPS Stephanie Frogge “What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.” ~ Albert Pike Altruism is defined as the practice of being concerned for and acting upon that concern for others without there being any direct benefit to the person engaging in it. For many, volunteering for a worthy cause is one way of practicing altruism even if we don’t nec
Responding to Teen Grief Responding to Teen Grief Responding to Teen Grief Linda Goldman Teen years can be turbulent ones under the best of circumstances, and the addition of the death of a parent, friend, sibling, or peer can be unsettling even for the most well adjusted adolescent. Common grief symptoms, such as intense mood swings, can become very frightening and unpredictable. Kevin was enraged when he heard the doctor say calmly that his friend Tony was dead. "Why couldn’t you save him?" he screamed, as he pound
Intention Setting Intention Setting Intention Setting Kelly Griffith Making Goals That Honor You and Your Hero The knock at the door came, and my world stopped. But within weeks I realized the world was still spinning for others. And they couldn't understand why mine wasn't. They wanted to know when my world would be in order again. They didn't realize that everything-including my priorities-had changed. I found myself feeling as if all the life goals I had before my brother died weren't worth much anymor
Saturday Morning Message: Women Who Have Had Positive Impacts On Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Women Who Have Had Positive Impacts On Our Grief Journey Women Who Have Had Positive Impacts On Our Grief Journey \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, As we welcome in the fresh spring air around the country, we are reminded nature is blooming all around us. Our winter slumber is now behind us allowing for new beginnings and acknowledging the busyness spring and summer has to offer. So this may be a good time to pause and reflect on ways to reduce stre
Angry with God Angry with God Angry with God Rachael Hill It is no surprise to say that there a gamut of emotions that go along with grief. Sadness, anger, longing, hurt, loneliness, and the list goes on and on. I have felt the entire rainbow of feelings, and I am not afraid to admit it. I have had my times of depression, longing for the life I used to live, spent many nights wishing for the company of my husband, and of course, I have been angry. In fact, many days I am still angry… I am angry tha
Colorado Celebrity Classic to Benefit TAPS – a model for getting ‘er done! Colorado Celebrity Classic – a model for getting ‘er done! Colorado Celebrity Classic – a model for getting ‘er done! Christine Burtt Sgt. Nick Pansini served five tours as a U.S. Marine, two in Iraq. His sisters Angel and Shannon and dad Joe Pansini told the story of his suicide in 2010 at the Saluting our Fallen Heroes Dinner Concert, and the reason for TAPS became crystal clear: We care! Now it its 11th year, the Colorado Celebrity Classic to benefit TAPS has become a model for hosting
Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It \| TAPS Jon Ganues This piece originally appeared in the Real Stories blog of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I am a survivor of suicide loss, having lost a first cousin, a second cousin, and an Air Force son to suicide. I am also a survivor of suicide ideation. In 1993, while serving as a U.S. Army Warrant Officer, in the 82nd Airborne Division at
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Sports Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Sports Memories Sharing Fond Sports Memories \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Watching sporting events is something that many families like to do together. For football fans, this is an especially big weekend because of the Super Bowl. Barbara, mother of Brian sent the opening photo showing their family when they went to a football game featuring their favorite NFL team. You will read more about this special memory in the respons
Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This is the first Saturday Morning Message for 2019, so it seemed appropriate to put a picture of a clock counting down to the new year. In an article written by Betsy Beard titled "A Year Without My Loved One In It," she lists 10 resolutions that might be appropriate for a grieving person. This week survivors shared what they are going to do to take care of themselves in the new
Photos: Great Aloha Run TAPS Togethers and Team TAPS at the Great Aloha Run TAPS Military Survivors at the Great Aloha Run TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (8 photos) taps togethers, team taps, survivors Flickr Album Event Photos: TAPS survivors walk 8.1 miles together at the Great Aloha Run.
Photos: Bataan Memorial Death March Bataan Memorial Death March Team TAPS at Bataan Memorial Death March TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (31 photos) team taps, photos, bataan memorial death march Flickr Album Event Photos
Saturday Morning Message: To Continue Traditions or Not? Saturday Morning Message: To Continue Traditions or Not? To Continue Traditions or Not? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes it is comforting to go to a place that was special to you and your loved one. This is a photo of Lake Tahoe sent by a survivor, Debbie, spouse of Tom, for inclusion in an earlier Saturday Morning Message. She wrote, “Lake Tahoe will always be my happy place and its magic holds the most incredible memories of joy, happiness and true love th
My Father’s Voice My Father’s Voice My Father’s Voice Lois La Pointe Kiely I never heard my father’s voice. There were photographs of him, and I know his handwriting from letters he wrote to my mother. But I always wondered how he sounded. Did his voice reflect the French Canadian dialect of his parents? Or did it have a masculine North Jersey sound to it? Was he soft spoken or a deep baritone? He died in World War II when I was just an infant, and I will never know. Louis La Pointe, my father, enlisted twic
Memorial Day: A National Debt, A Personal Price Memorial Day: A National Debt, A Personal Price Memorial Day: A National Debt, A Personal Price \| TAPS Emily Munoz Memorial Day was a first step toward national unity in a deeply divided country. With origins in the aftermath of the Civil War, it was designated for the purpose of “strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet church-yard in
Picking Up the Pieces Picking Up the Pieces Picking Up the Pieces \| TAPS Chris Beck Life after the loss of a loved one can shatter us and bring us to our knees, lost, not knowing what to do next. As the pieces of our lives scatter after a loss, finding a way to put them back together can seem overwhelming. Life’s complexities have many similarities to jigsaw puzzles — you sort and gather pieces, then fit them into your unique picture. I worked 55 years to build my puzzle, adding pieces along the way: my wife,
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Sheri Lipscomb’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Sheri Lipscomb’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Sheri Lipscomb’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Sheri Lipscomb Faces of TAPS is a new series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Sheri Lipscomb is the surviving spouse of United States Army Sergeant First Class Ricardo Lipscomb, who died on July 19, 2004, while stationed at Fort Gordon, Georgia. The couple has two sons,
Photos: TAPS International Trip to Ukraine TAPS International Trip to Ukraine TAPS International Military Trip to Ukraine TAPS Media photos, taps international, military survivor, taps global TAPS International Trip to Ukraine Photos 2019 Ukraine - Flickr Link 2019 Ukraine - Flickr Embed Event Photos: TAPS International visit military survivors in the Ukraine January 16 to 21, 2019
Photos: TAPS International Trip to Ukraine TAPS International Trip to Ukraine TAPS International Military Trip to Ukraine TAPS Media photos, taps international, military survivor, taps global TAPS International Trip to Ukraine Photos 2018 Ukraine - Flickr Link 2018 Ukraine - Flickr Embed Event Photos: TAPS International visit military survivors in the Ukraine in March.
My Flight Over Iraq My Flight Over Iraq My Flight Over Iraq Elizabeth Rozier surviving sibling, healing 2012 My Flight over Iraq A bucket list item that probably only a TAPS audience will appreciate was to visit "the spot" where my brother died.
Nature - The Soul’s Healing Balm Nature - The Soul’s Healing Balm Nature - The Soul’s Healing Balm \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell TAPS Outdoors Launches a New Series - A Breath of Fresh Air This year has taught us many things as we’ve collectively navigated challenges, but one thing has felt deeply personal to our TAPS family: connection is the healing balm for our souls. There is no greater time nor greater need than now to reach out and reach within to connect. At TAPS Outdoors we know, through science and experience, that our g
Photos: Team TAPS Hawaii Team TAPS Paddle Out at the Na Koa Wounded Warrior Canoe Regatta Team TAPS Paddle Out at the Na Koa Wounded Warrior Canoe Regatta Photos \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (77 photos) //
TAPS Sports & Entertainment: A Letter of Thanks TAPS Sports & Entertainment: A Letter of Thanks TAPS Sports & Entertainment: A Letter of Thanks Sam Norman Dear teams4taps, I would like to thank you for organizing yesterday’s event. My wife, kids and I went to the New England Patriots training camp event yesterday not knowing what to expect. I know that the NFL was so gracious to allow us a “VIP” status, and that you are never sure exactly what is going to happen, so we went with no expectations other than to watch our favorite team pr
Climbing the Mountain of Grief Side by Side Climbing the Mountain of Grief Side by Side Climbing the Mountain of Grief Side by Side \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell These past few months, we’ve been called to focus on what’s really important. We’ve been physically distancing from our friends, loved ones and strangers to protect them and ourselves. We’ve strategized our outings for basic needs like groceries, healthcare, fresh air and sanity. Our 2020 Mount Kilimanjaro Expedition team returned home from the rooftop of Africa, the peak of the mount
A Gathering of Men A Gathering of Men A Gathering of Men \| TAPS Gabriel Rao Calmness, Camaraderie, and Clarity in Yosemite Sitting near a rolling stream surrounded by the breathtaking wonders of nature, I witness the power of water against rock — moving, reshaping. What a blessing to have this time to become fully aware of my surroundings and myself. Just like a current reshapes stone, the power of a man sharing openly and honestly has the power to change the world around him. There is a beauty that takes sha
Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Why We Need Both Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Why We Need Both \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt In many ways, grief is an experience replete with contradictions. We feel like time stops, yet time goes on. We can’t stop thinking about the death, yet we distract ourselves so we won’t think about it. We’re strong, yet we’re weak. We’re resilient, yet we’re vulnerable. Acknowledging and embracing these necessary contradictions (and others) is part of our work of
Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, survivors were asked to write about the gifts of personality that our loved ones gave us just by being themselves. I hope you enjoy all the responses that came to us. Debra, wife of Thomas sent this picture of her husband, Tom, and told us about his gift. Debra wrote, "One of the most memorable gifts that Tom always
Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Heather Campagna Many people wonder just what takes place within the borders of a TAPS Good Grief Camp…and adult survivors have often said it looks like more fun to be on the kid’s side of our national gathering! Undeniably, the Good Grief Camp involves events that can lighten young hearts, but all of our activities are also specially selected to offer a safe place for each child to “just be” wherever they are in their grief. Tha
Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, My resolution comes from the many years I have been connected with TAPS. I look forward to working with all of you and welcome you to the new year of Saturday Morning Messages. My resolution this year is to attend more TAPS events, so I can get to know some of you in person. I know you will enjoy reading survivors’ resolutions in this week’s edition.
Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Linda Ambard So many people spend their lives in quiet desperation thinking of one day - someday. I was no different and, at times, I am still stuck in the rut of day-to-day responsibilities and routines. Mired in the frenetic pace and wanting more, never quite reaching that elusive someday, is exactly where I was when Phil was killed. I was happy sitting on the sidelines waiting, but I knew something was missing for me and for my life. When Phil married me,
Lest We Forget: teams4taps Brings 2 Families Together to Honor Their Heroes in Scotland Lest We Forget: teams4taps Brings 2 Families Together to Honor Their Heroes in Scotland Lest We Forget: teams4taps Brings 2 Families Together to Honor Their Heroes in Scotland \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.” - Anais Nin Great loss has a way of making the world feel larger than you ever noticed. You wonder if anyone will ever understand your pain, or — perhaps more practically — if you’ll ever be able to explain th
Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt Because the person who died is no longer there to share the holidays with you, you may feel particularly sad and vulnerable during Christmas, Hanukkah and other holidays that are special to your family. Don't overextend yourself during the holidays. Don't feel you have to shop, bake, entertain, send cards, etc. if you're not up for it. Sometimes old holiday rituals are comforting after a death a
A Playlist for the Pandemic A Playlist for the Pandemic A Playlist for the Pandemic \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff Like most people under COVID lockdown, I am rediscovering things about myself that were buried under the stress of work, school and general adulting. One such thing is my love of a stress-induced dance party. As a kid, my dad was deployed a lot and when life became too much, my mom would announce that we needed a dance party. Cut to the two of us jumping around the living room while the B52’s blared through t
Ripples on a Pond Ripples on a Pond: Understanding and Coping with Secondary Loss Ripples on a Pond: Understanding and Coping with Secondary Loss \| TAPS Kenneth Doka After her son Michael died in Afghanistan, Lydia told me, “I not only lost my son, I simultaneously lost all his friends.” Lydia had not realized the almost sacred place those friends occupied in Michael’s life and her own. “Ever since grade school, they were always over. They even went on trips with us. It was a tradition that they came to our
Saturday Morning Message: Helping Extended Family Saturday Morning Message: Helping Extended Family Saturday Morning Message: Helping Extended Family Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's question about noticing or helping extended family through grief came from an article in the last TAPS Magazine titled "Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving" By Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD. As I read it, I thought about my husband's father who was the only grandparent alive when our son, Bryon, died. The picture of him sitting in our living room hardly able to s
Spotlight on Service: Belle Spotlight on Service: Belle Spotlight on Service: Belle TAPS Honor’s First for Freedom is my full name, but most everyone calls me Belle. I’m a Golden Retriever, born on January 27, 2005, in Charlotte, North Carolina. I left my furry family when I was only nine weeks old and flew to Virginia to start my new life with my new family. My new mom Lisa Dolan met me at the airport in Norfolk, Virginia. Yes, I was born to travel! Besides my mom, I have a sister Becca and a brother Beau. Their fath
TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign TAPS TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign, Works to Raise Awareness of Military Family Needs with Hollywood Connections As our nation pauses on the anniversary of D-Day to remember the service and sacrifice given by our veterans and their families, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) announces its participation in the recently launched “Got Your 6” campaign. The campaign is designed to mobilize
Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season Helping Yourself Heal During the Holiday Season Alan Wolfelt Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing, and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss, and emptiness. Love Does Not End With Death Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief—a feeling of loss unlike that exper
I knew I was picking the right table I knew I was picking the right table I knew I was Picking the Right Table \| TAPS Sarah Greene At lunch on the first day of TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar in May, I searched the room for a friendly face, knowing no one, and I sat down at a table with three women. One woman was leading the conversation with a fluid southern drawl while the two remaining women—red eyed, with tears streaming down their cheeks—listened and nodded their heads in agreement. This was what I had signed u
Rucking Through Grief Rucking Through Grief Gregory T. Jacobs, Surviving Father of Army SPC David M. Jacobs Hoisting my REI pack onto my back, I feel every bit of the 42 pounds inside. The seams hold together, resilient against the strain. I once again say hello to David as I start my three-mile ruck at the cemetery where he is buried. He doesn’t audibly return the gesture, but I know he is there with me. It is almost as if he winks at me each time, acknowledging, “Dad, I see you have my backpack on again, and I
NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season with teams4taps NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season \| TAPS TAPS Hundreds of TAPS survivors attended NFL football games and events around the country that brought families together to honor the lives of their fallen heroes. The NFL’s Salute to Service is a year-round effort to honor, empower and connect service members, veterans and their families. The program culminated in a series of games and activities throughout
When You Can’t Hold a Service Right Away When You Can’t Hold a Service Right Away When You Can’t Hold a Service Right Away \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Tips for Planning a Future Ceremony and Following Through The challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic have affected grieving people in many difficult ways. At a time when you needed extra support from friends and family, you may have been separated from them altogether. You may have struggled even more to rebuild meaning and purpose in your life, if your options for exploring and connecting we
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Remembrances Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Remembrances Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Remembrances \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture came from the article "Out of Tragedy," written by Bonnie Carroll, surviving spouse of Brigadier Gen. Tom Carroll and founder of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors that describes how this organization came to be. I thought it would be a good article to share in the Memorial Day edition of the Saturday Morning Message. On Memorial Day
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Part Two Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Part Two Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Part Two Carol Lane Good Morning, Helping yourself when you are grieving may not seem like a priority, but this week survivors continued to share strategies that have helped them take care of themselves during these difficult times. There were so many responses to this question that the replies were carried over for two weeks. Read what others have done to help themselves while honoring their loved ones and chos
Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 1 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Dreams not only come at night, but sometimes on a warm sunny day, we can be relaxing and fall into a gentle sleep, so that is why I chose this picture. The responders this week talk about a variety of times their loved ones came to them in a dream and the feelings around it. I know you will enjoy the replies that came in answer to this week’s question. Remember, you can write to
The Love Languages of Grief The Love Languages of Grief The Love Languages of Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt When it comes to mourning and how others can best help us, there’s no one right way. Every person and every loss is unique. The people we grieve the loss of — as well as the circumstances of the loss — are also one-of-a-kind. After a significant loss, what we think and feel inside, in what ways we’re able to express those thoughts and feelings and how we feel supported by others vary from person to person and loss to
Ongoing Support for Survivors of Trauma Ongoing Support for Survivors of Trauma Ongoing Support for Survivors of Trauma \| TAPS Shauna Springer Editor’s note: For more than 10 years, TAPS has comforted and cared for more than 11,500 surviving family members who have lost a military loved one to suicide. Each day, an average of three to four new survivors of suicide loss come to TAPS, and we welcome them with the warm embrace that can only come from those who truly understand their journey. This is the fourth installment in a five-
Battlefield Promises Battlefield Promises Battlefield Promises Emily Munoz This week, I followed along on Facebook as a friend, his wife and their church lived out a 2004 battlefield promise. I am still reeling from how they cared, how they mobilized and what the lessons are for us all. An Army veteran who’s pretty impressive with his handcycle, his integrity and his relentless pursuit of positivity, my friend Ed decided that, when his Iraqi interpreter’s move to the U.S. finally started to become a reality, t
Saturday Morning Message: Special Memories Saturday Morning Message: Special Memories Saturday Morning Message: Special Memories Carol Lane Good morning, Sharing special memories about your loved one can be helpful for you, and it also allows others to get to know your cherished person. As you will see in the responses this week, there are a variety of ways to share those memories. Sometimes writing is good, but with technology, you can also use video or pictures if you find writing is too difficult right now. In that way, you can p
Saturday Morning Message: Priority Changes That Celebrate the Life Saturday Morning Message: Priority Changes That Celebrate the Life Saturday Morning Message: Priority Changes That Celebrate the Life Carol Lane Good Morning, Many survivors look for something to celebrate the lives of their loved one that they might not have done or they shift the way they look at things after a loved one dies. Today we share some ideas that others have tried. Please feel free to try the ones that interest you. Going to an event that like a TAPS seminar or retreat woul
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, We are on a break and republishing the responses from one of our favorite topics, self-care. We’ll be back next week with the replies to Cheryl’s question. Self-care is something that is often overlooked when we are grieving, so I think it is a good idea to post an article about it every so often. The responses this week come from the TAPS Saturday Morning Message archives. Th
Attending TAPS Events: Encouragement for the Newcomer Attending TAPS Events: Encouragement for the Newcomer Attending TAPS Events: Encouragement for the Newcomer TAPS When someone we love dies, the world as we once knew it no longer exists. We find ourselves on a journey we never expected or wanted to be on. We feel isolated and we wonder if others understand the pain we feel. Deciding to go to a TAPS event can be difficult for the new survivor. We question how we will fit in, how we will be treated, and what the event will be like. Here are the
Faith-Focused Programming May Help Suicide Survivors Faith-Focused Programming May Help Suicide Survivors Faith-Focused Programming May Help Suicide Survivors \| TAPS Shauna Springer Melinda Moore Editor's note: Shauna Springer and Melinda Moore serve on the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention's Faith Communities Task Force, which provides resources on the topic of suicide loss. Dr. Moore is co-lead of the task force. As part of Suicide Prevention Month, the Action Alliance invites faith communities across the nation to pray during th
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, I am always pleasantly surprised when I read the responses to the weekly question and this week was no exception. The response sent by Betty, mother of Michael, included a picture of an item given to her at her son’s funeral. Betty wrote, “At Michael’s service at Dallas-Fort Worth National Cemetery, one of the Marines from Michael’s unit presented me with an item. Much was a
TAPS Care Groups: Finding Safety in Numbers TAPS Care Groups: Finding Safety in Numbers TAPS Care Groups: Finding Safety in Numbers Zaneta Gileno Sadness and grief are normal responses to loss. For many, especially those who suffer the unexpected or traumatic loss of a loved one, post traumatic stress compounds the grief response, making it even more difficult for surviving loved ones to integrate the loss into their lives. The need to be understood and to connect with others who understand is a key to finding hope and healing. TAPS
To Be A Patriot To Be A Patriot To Be A Patriot \| TAPS Michele Hiester Marcum There are some defining moments in life that become forever ingrained in the memory and upon which all other memories hinge. For my family, that moment came knocking when two men in green delivered news we didn't want to hear. My brother wasn't coming home. I don't know that I can adequately express what that means, but I'd like to share a few thoughts: First and foremost, we've been forced into a club no one wants to join - Th
Celebrating Survivor Kim Ruocco A Career and Legacy of Dedicated Service: Celebrating Survivor Kim Ruocco Celebrating Survivor Kim Ruocco \| TAPS TAPS Kim Ruocco has brought energy, care, and creativity to her work with TAPS, communities, agencies, and organizations nationwide. Kim has beautifully become the living legacy of her loved one, and we hope her accomplishments and their impacts inspire you! Throughout more than a decade of dedicated service, survivor Kim Ruocco has inspirationally reduced the silence and stigma s
A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed \| TAPS Perry Monroe In 2018, I visited the TAPS website and saw that registration for the Montana Men’s Retreat would be opening soon. I set the alarm on my phone and computer. If I did nothing else that year, I was going to do this. The second registration opened, I signed up. When I received confirmation, I was beyond excited. My excitement was a direct result of an encounter I had with Medal of Honor recipient Her
After the Holidays After the Holidays After the Holidays Darcie Sims Surviving the Mid-Winter Gloom Why does January seem so empty? Just as the world is stiff and frozen outside my window, I feel dead and cold and scattered inside myself. I managed to make it through the holiday season, though the “how” of that feat is truly beyond my recollection. I can't even remember eating the holiday meals. (I do, however, remember doing the dishes—again and again and again. Next year we are eating out or using paper plat
Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote about their loved one’s favorite foods at Thanksgiving. The opening picture came from Caryn, mother of Nathan, who wrote, “Nathan and his favorite Thanksgiving meal was always one he prepared himself, beginning with this one when he was in middle school. The last Thanksgiving meal I had was the one he cooked with his Dad in 2010.” Enjoy
Companioning as a Reflection of Love Companioning as a Reflection of Love Companioning as a Reflection of Love Alan Wolfelt To experience and embrace the pain of loss is just as much a part of life as to experience the joy of love. As they should be, thoughts, feelings and behaviors that result from the death of a person who has been loved are impossible to ignore. The experience of grief is very powerful. As we encounter personal loss in our lives, we have the opportunity to make a willful choice of how we are going to use the
How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death Gloria Horsley I keep hearing from people that the United States is a death-denying society. After my recent trip to India I am not sure I agree. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her landmark book, "On Death and Dying," brought death to the forefront of the American consciousness more than 40 years ago. Today, there are numerous books, workshops and research projects examining death and dying. It i
Comfort Zones Comfort Zones Comfort Zones Shanette Booker I was never the one to "go out on a limb", or the one who "took a chance", or the "throw caution to the wind" type. I was a girl with a semi-low self-esteem who smiled because she knew some day the world would become a better place for her. I had my own comfort zone with clothing, friends, work, and even with excitement. I would hang out with the same bunch of people, never really letting too many "newbies" get attached or get to know me. I went
Resuming Something Set Aside: The Maine Thing Resuming Something Set Aside: The Maine Thing Resuming Something Set Aside: The Maine Thing Michele Hiester Marcum Vacations have always been a prominent source of my most treasured childhood memories. More often than not, I remember the little details more than the destinations. I don’t remember many of the cities we visited, the events we attended, or the sights we saw. But I remember dining on ham sandwiches from an old Coleman cooler in a hotel room. And I remember playing cards with m
Crackled, Not Broken: A Raku Reflection on Grief and Grace Crackled, Not Broken: A Raku Reflection on Grief and Grace Gregory T. Jacobs * Surviving Father of Army SPC David Jacobs On a recent trip to the Smoky Mountains, my wife and I found ourselves, once again, at one of our favorite artisan spots — Alewine Pottery, quietly nestled among the pines and whispering winds of Gatlinburg, Tennessee. Over the years, I’ve grown fond of their artfully crafted mugs, each one a small masterpiece that somehow makes a morning cup of coffee feel like a ritual
Saturday Morning Message: What is Success? Saturday Morning Message: What is Success? Saturday Morning Message: What is Success? Carol Lane Good morning, This week’s question about how has your view of success changed since your loved one passed brought in a lot of thoughtful responses. After reading the reply by Bonnie Jo, mother of Andrew, I asked her to send a picture of something she has created. She sent this picture and I decided that it should be the opening one this week. I split her reply into two sections. The first was ab
To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem… To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem… To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem… TAPS Advice from TAPS Survivors For many of us, sleep patterns are disrupted after the death of a loved one, whether the trouble is lack of sleep or too much sleep. Sometimes we toss and turn, waiting for sleep to overtake us. Other times we waken suddenly in the middle of the night, heart racing and thoughts whirling. And sometimes we just want to pull the covers over our heads and ignore the
A Father's Quest to Honor his Son A Father's Quest to Honor his Son A Father's Quest to Honor his Son Bob Bagosy Okay, it's finished! The quest to honor my son, SGT Thomas R Bagosy USMC is complete. On October 16, 2014 the Commandant of the Marine Corps General Amos approved the awards committee recommendation for Tommy to be awarded a Purple Heart for injuries he received in Iraq on December 18, 2006. According to one of Tommy's battle buddies, my son and four other Marines were in a Humvee providing security for an EOD team
Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Carol Lane Good morning, After the initial pain of grief has lessened, many find that undertaking a new hobby or pastime can offer comfort. This week’s opening picture is from Caryn, mother of Nathan and spouse of Micheal, who writes later in the message about the art of crochet and how it has uplifted her. This week’s blog has many suggestions with ideas you might want to try. In addition to the responses that c
Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers \| TAPS Andy McNiel How can I help my child grow and develop in healthy ways even when they are grieving the death of someone in their life? It is difficult to watch our children struggle or face distress after a loss. As parents, we want our children to have healthy, happy experiences, and we worry that their grief will have long-t
Saturday Morning Message: Dream Retreats Saturday Morning Message: Dream Retreats Saturday Morning Message: Dream Retreats Carol Lane Good morning, The question this week asked where would you like to go if money were not a problem. I have a love for music, so going somewhere to hear good music and perhaps do a bit of dancing would be a treat for me. This picture came from a TAPS event called the Colorado Celebrity Classic Songwriters Show which happened in 2015. It featured country music, but I like all music and would go anywhere
Coming Home Coming Home Coming Home Michele Hiester Marcum Somebody somewhere once said, “Home is where the heart is,” and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that quote over the years, I could probably take a vacation - away from home. I’m not a world-class traveler who circles the globe on a regular basis, but we do indulge in periodic family getaways. We love to visit places we’ve never been, and we enjoy planning all the details of each trip: where we eat, where we sleep, and what we see a
Out of My Comfort Zone Out of My Comfort Zone Out of My Comfort Zone Rachael Hill For spring break, I decided to take my boys on a ten day trip to California. What started out as a simple visit, quickly became a whirlwind trip up and down the coast with a lot of time for personal reflection. We left on a red eye flight and arrived at Los Angeles at 11:30 in the morning. We got our rental car and proceeded to drive to our hotel near San Diego. Immediately after leaving the airport, I found myself on the 405 in
Self Care Self Care Self Care Leslie McCaddon Reconnecting…with myself One of the things I heard early on at TAPS, as well as from my counselor at home, is the importance of self-care. I’m a mother of three young children. Whenever this term “self-care” is thrown around in my presence I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Photo Courtesy of Leslie McCaddon Take care of myself? Sure! I try to shower, most days. I eat well…well, at least when I eat the kid’s leftovers! I sleep. Sure, I sleep!
A Change of Season A Change of Season A Change of Season Darcie Sims Learning to Keep our Loved Ones’ Memories Alive in Every Season It’s harvest time, clean up time, gathering time. It’s time to put away the beach balls and the lawn mower. It’s time to shake the sand from the shoes and store away the croquet set and find the storm windows. It’s time to “put up” the garden’s bounty and find someone who doesn’t have enough zucchini. It’s time to find the mittens and try on the sweaters and coats. It’s time to g
Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 \| TAPS Linda Goldman Children and teens have had their world turned inside out during the coronavirus pandemic. The familiar has turned foreign, the expected has vanished, and the world as kids knew it pre-COVID-19 has transformed into a surreal new normal. Overwhelmed by virtual classes, home quarantine, cleanl
Photos: teams4taps USMNT teams4taps and the United States Men's National Soccer Team teams4taps and the United States Men's National Soccer Team Photos \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (28 photos) //
Photos: teams4taps Nets teams4taps and Brooklyn Nets Professional Basketball Team teams4taps with Brooklyn Nets Professional Basketball Team Photos \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (35 photos) //
Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Kelly Griffith I love running in the evenings, especially during the fall when the sun starts to set just a little bit earlier. After a long day I relish in the opportunity to disconnect from my phone and get outside. As the colors dance across the sky in the last rays of sunlight, I feel more connected to nature, my faith and myself. This golden hour reminds me of the peace I experienced in knowing I wasn’t alone on this journey. There is this moment wh
Coping with Guilt Coping with Guilt Coping with Guilt Michele Hiester Marcum We are coming up on the ten-year anniversary of my brother's death, and I simply cannot believe it's been that long. Seriously, where did the time go? And who the heck am I now? A decade of rolling emotions have reshaped me into someone else…and I haven't yet decided whether I like her. I remember learning in my college psychology classes that there were only six basic emotions in the human population: anger, disgust, sadness, fear,
Hidden Gems of Serenity in the Outdoors Hidden Gems of Serenity in the Outdoors Hidden Gems of Serenity in the Outdoors \| TAPS Colleen McGinnis This past spring, I ventured out to embark on the TAPS Hidden Gems Expedition in Southern Illinois. Since I had attended a few TAPS Events before, I had some preconceived notions about how the trip would go and how it would make me feel. However, I soon realized that the impact of this expedition was incredibly unique, and it greatly exceeded my expectations. Initially, I decided to look
My TAPS Journey My TAPS Journey My TAPS Journey \| TAPS Amanda Klager I am so grateful for TAPS and all the amazing people who have become a big part of my life and family since my brother Adam passed away. Deb Lucey, Director of Operations, Survivor Services, reached out to me. I was very hesitant. I knew there was nothing anyone could do that would bring him back. Deb did not give up on me. She continued to reach out and check in on me. She told me she was a surviving sister herself. She told me she kn
Nationals World Series Win is a Lesson in Resilience Nationals World Series Win is a Lesson in Resilience Nationals World Series Win is a Lesson in Resilience \| TAPS Soo Kim Since my essay was written and published in TAPS Magazine, we had the unforgettable, once-in-a-lifetime experience of getting to go to the World Series Game 3 in Washington, D.C. After the third inning, my family and two other military surviving families, along with a few TAPS Military Mentors, had the gift of standing in front of the stadium while a special tribute was mad
How Persistence and Patience Paid Off How Persistence and Patience Paid Off How Persistence and Patience Paid Off TAPS My wife and I found TAPS in May 2010 after my grandson's death by suicide the previous year. We were overwhelmed at our first TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar - to have to admit this loss is real is so difficult. But we found the family and comfort we needed. My wife was determined to be a TAPS Peer Mentor. As a Marine who served in Vietnam, I wasn't sure I could be a mentor to another person because of
Every Step a Tribute Every Step a Tribute Tatiana Mendoza, Surviving Sister of Retired U.S. Army SFC Wrilshxer Mendoza In the quiet of early mornings, I often find myself lacing up my shoes, thinking of my sister. I can hear her laughter echoing from those countless miles we ran together. My sister, SFC Mendoza, was always faster than me. She ran with a force, a natural ease that I could never quite match. But I didn’t mind. I never chased her speed; I chased the joy of being beside her, in the rhythm of our s
TAPS Survivor Newsletter March 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter March 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter March 2024 TAPS Media Honoring the lives of our fallen loved ones is an important part of the TAPS mission. Grace, the surviving sister of U.S. Army SPC Jarrett Kotalik, found a way to partner honoring her brother and other fallen heroes with service to her community through her Eagle Scout project. Read about Grace's project — retiring flags that have bravely flown, but have grown worn and tattered — in our latest blog, and learn h
Honor to Serve Honor to Serve Honor to Serve \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg At Trinity Episcopal Church in The Woodlands, Texas, you’ll find a flag retirement box that stands to collect flags that have grown too worn and weathered to continue to fly. The box tells the story of a life lived in service to others and the lasting bond between a sister and her brother. Grace Kotalik, of Scouts BSA Troop 1777 — this box’s creator — explains the symbolism behind her design: “I selected several elements for the box de
Let the Volunteer Journey Begin Let the Volunteer Journey Begin Let the Volunteer Journey Begin \| TAPS Clynton Trewyn Editor’s note: Clynton Trewyn, who has served as a TAPS military mentor, recently started a blog. He decided to make his first post about something close to his heart. This blog entry, which first appeared on his site, Volunteer Ripple, has been adapted for use on the TAPS website. I’ve been blessed enough to travel the country volunteering with TAPS over the last four years. By caring for survivors griev
Saturday Morning Message: Events that have the Power to Heal Saturday Morning Message: Events that have the Power to Heal Saturday Morning Message: Events that have the Power to Heal \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, TAPS has many events throughout the year. This picture shows survivors at a Brooklyn Nets practice. Visit the TAPS events calendar to see which upcoming TAPS Events are interesting to you. No matter which ones you choose to attend, the support you will find is comforting, as you will read in the responses survivors share this week. Reme
3 Ceremonies to Heal Your Grieving Heart 3 Ceremonies to Heal Your Grieving Heart 3 Ceremonies to Heal Your Grieving Heart \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt When a death is sudden and unexpected, as is typically the case with a military death, it's that much more difficult. Immediately after the death, those affected by traumatic loss typically exhibit psychic numbing. They're present physically, but not necessarily mentally or emotionally. In other words, they're in shock. This protective mechanism is nature's way of protecting them from experi
In the Kitchen In the Kitchen How One Family's Grief Plays out in the Kitchen - TAPS News Patty Reis Our family grief plays out in the kitchen. We discovered early in our grief that when I attempted tasks in the kitchen they often resulted in something burning. I would start a meal, fire up the stove and soon discover, from the other side of the house, that I had forgotten about the culinary effort started only minutes before. Many a pot full of charred, best-intention delicacies were left outside the back
Transforming Experience Into Advocacy Transforming Experience Into Advocacy Transforming Experience Into Advocacy Kim Ruocco and Emily Munoz There was a moment at last year's National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar when I looked around at a room filled with people I trust and respect - many of whom feel like family - and felt a rush of contentment. But then, in the midst of the overwhelming gratitude for the richness of my life, a terrible thought struck me. I realized that if not for the death of my husband, John, I would not
Another Chapter of a Father's Journey Another Chapter of a Father's Journey Another Chapter of a Father's Journey Bob Bagosy It's been three years and eight months since Tommy took his life on May 10, 2010, but who's counting? We all are. Everyone who had a son or daughter killed in action in Iraq or Afghanistan, by accident at home, or by suicide. We all remember the date and time. It goes back to all the wars our country has fought. At times we cry for the loss of what might have been…the marriage and grandchild that will never
The Mourner's Bill of Rights The Mourner's Bill of Rights The Mourner's Bill of Rights Alan Wolfelt As a bereaved person, you have certain rights that others must not take away from you. In fact, it is the very upholding of these rights that makes healing possible. 1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. Don't allow others to tell you what you should or should not be feeling. 2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your
The Art of Cherishing The Art of Cherishing The Art of Cherishing \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt After the death of someone close to you, you enter a time of deep grief. This is a normal and necessary time of transition. If you use this period of intense grief to actively and intentionally engage with your painful thoughts and feelings, you find ways to express them that are helpful to you. In other words, you do the hard work of mourning. You share your grief outside yourself — in doses over time — so that you begin to inte
Saturday Morning Message: Pet Grief Support Saturday Morning Message: Pet Grief Support Saturday Morning Message: Pet Grief Support \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Pets can be comforting. This week, survivors sent their thoughts and pictures of pets not only through the Saturday Morning Message but also through the TAPS Facebook page in a post about International Dog Day. I hope you enjoy reading about these special pets. The opening picture this week is Sox, companion of Perry, father of Christopher. You will read more about him and
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Carol Lane Good Morning, This past week, I attended the 23rd Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in the D.C. area. TAPS Seminars are a time of reflection and connection as we talk with other survivors who walk this journey with us. It is great to meet others in person who have been a part of the Online Community throughout the year. TAPS has given its website a
Christmas in Section 60, Arlington National Cemetery Christmas in Section 60, Arlington National Cemetery Christmas in Section 60, Arlington National Cemetery Scott Warner Christmas is a special time for families. My family has always loved Christmas, and it is a wonderful time of year for making memories with your special loved ones, family, and friends. Over the years, our family developed our own special traditions and rituals that became part of our holiday season. Each year, we spent Christmas Eve at my cousin’s house, wore special Christm
Stars, Stripes, and Service Stars, Stripes, and Service Stars, Stripes, and Service \| TAPS Dawn Kotalik Kristi Stolzenberg Editor's Note: This article is a follow-up to the article, “Honor to Serve,” published on TAPS in March 2024. Service is something of a tradition in the Kotalik family. During WWII, a paratrooper with that last name landed in Normandy, and his legacy inspired future generations of Kotaliks to follow in his footsteps, including his great-grandson, U.S. Army SPC Jarrett Kotalik, who enlisted i
Transitions: Embracing the Potential Transitions: Embracing the Potential Transitions: Embracing the Potential Connor McCracken The landscapers came to my home yesterday. They came in like an unexpected storm - a whirlwind of activity trying to put some level of organization to all the yard's chaos. They have these loud machines that force a blast of air onto an object and catapult it into the air with the goal of moving that item of disorganization into a new, desired location. Five years ago, life was neat. It was organize
October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month \| TAPS TAPS This article was first published on the TAPS website on October 1, 2021 and has been updated with additional resources. As members of the TAPS family, we either know (or are learning) that even in the midst of heartache, we can find moments of comfort and connection. It doesn’t always come naturally - it isn’t easy to balance the needs of grieving and living. Yet, when we’re navigating major life transition
7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays 7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays 7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays \| TAPS Heather Stang Grief during the holidays serves up a perfect storm where joyous memories crash against reality and expectations, something that is especially tough when it’s a child who’s grieving. I know this firsthand. On October 18, 1977, my uncle Doug died by suicide. I was 7 years old. While I don’t remember the specifics of the Thanksgiving and Christmas that followed, what I
Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, There were so many interesting God winks sent this week that I think it will take two weeks to share these marvelous moments in our lives. If you have a God wink you would like to share after reading this week’s message, feel free to send it along. I will include it in the monthly Writers’ Circle that is sent to those who request it. The picture this week comes from Debra, wife
The Seesaw of Resilience and Vulnerability The Seesaw of Resilience and Vulnerability The Seesaw of Resilience and Vulnerability \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” — Criss Jami As you journey through your naturally complicated and painful grief, you are probably being buoyed by—and perhaps also dismayed by—your resilience. After all, here you are. You may not have thought it possible at first, but you have indeed survived. Military fami
In My Dreams In My Dreams In My Dreams Linda Ambard I am nearing the three year marker of my journey without Phil. I never thought I could make it through a day without knowing he was in my life, but I am finding my footing and making my way. While I have grown increasingly confident in my footing and in my purpose for my future, I still yearn for the man who chose me even when it cost him so much. There has never been a day that I haven’t wanted to share something with him or that I hadn’t had a quiet
Gaining Strength on the Journey Gaining Strength on the Journey Survivor Father Finds Hope at TAPS Seminar - TAPS News Andy Weiss Remembering, Celebrating, and Sharing with TAPS My family attended the 19th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar last May. It was an inspiring weekend with our fellow travelers in loss. I marvel at how far this river has swept me downstream from where I first fell in, drowning in my grief. How far I’ve gone and how changed I am! I lost my son, Army First Lieutenant Danny Weiss, on M
Reaching Out to Others Reaching Out to Others Reaching Out to Others Darcie Sims Grief can be so isolating. We may find ourselves exhausted beyond our capabilities, hurt beyond endurance, and lonely beyond belief. No one seems to know what to say or how to behave around us. Many of us have discovered we are grieving not just the death of our loved one, but the loss of friendships, self-esteem, and self-identity as well. When our loved one died, we were surrounded by people, but the silence was deafening. Hardly
Traveling with Wreaths Across America Traveling with Wreaths Across America Traveling with Wreaths Across America Jill Stephenson My only child, Corporal Benjamin Kopp, an Army Ranger, died on July 18, 2009 of wounds he suffered during his third deployment in 2009. In his final wishes, he requested that he be laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery. This made perfect sense to me, and although I live in Minnesota, I didn’t hesitate to honor his wish. Several months later, people began asking me if I was coming back to Arli
White Stones of Honor White Stones of Honor White Stones of Honor Ken Ashley It couldn’t have happened…but it did. It shouldn’t have happened…but it did. There it was, that wooden box that was holding my precious son, my only son, draped in the colors of the country he fought and died for. It’s still hard to say…but, there it was. There I was, standing beside that box, my hand gently lying upon that revered cloth and again the tears flowed freely, and I would not stop them from flowing. They were coming from the
Cold Hands, Warm Hearts Cold Hands, Warm Hearts Cold Hands, Warm Hearts Kelly Griffith Moving Forward Through Retreats Sitting on the plane from Seattle to Anchorage, my heart was a mix of emotions. I was headed for the TAPS siblings retreat in beautiful Alaska in February 2013. Seeing the start of the Iditarod was something I had always dreamed of experiencing, but never thought would actually happen. Like a lot of my dreams to travel the world, I thought it was out of my reach. When it was mentioned that the T
Saturday Morning Message: Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Introductions \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Since this week the Saturday Morning Message topic is about introductions, I thought I would open with a picture of my son, Bryon, doing what he loved to do. He was a crew chief on USMC helicopters. You can see by the smile on his face that he loved it. I am going to keep my comments short this week, because there were so many wonderful memories that were shared. Please enjoy this
Saturday Morning Message: The Warmth of Friendship Saturday Morning Message: The Warmth of Friendship Saturday Morning Message: The Warmth of Friendship Carol Lane Good morning, On this week’s TAPS Facebook page, it was suggested reading the article, “It Takes a Tribe” by Shauna Springer. The article fits today’s topic perfectly. She shares the ways a professional can give help and how we can support each other through friendship when disaster strikes. The article lists three ways that I want to explore: “Deploy the power of touch Speak
Casework Helps Survivors Move Mountains Casework Helps Survivors Move Mountains Casework Helps Survivors Move Mountains TAPS No two stories of military loss are the same. And no two TAPS families deal with the aftermath of grief in the same way. Many of us face mountains of benefit paperwork at a time when we still struggle to face the day. Perhaps your benefits are delayed, and you are facing financial struggles. Whatever the situation, TAPS Casework is there to offer you help as you navigate complex processes and unfamiliar requi
Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Carol Lane Good Morning, Everyone's idea of a vacation is different. Mine involves either visiting relatives or going to the ocean beach. The place we go for our ocean retreat has changed. I haven't been back to the place we took our son and daughter when they were younger. However, this is a picture of a new place that was chosen by our daughter. We have added her husband t
Hindsight Is 20/20 Hindsight Is 20/20 Hindsight Is 20/20 \| TAPS Gregory Jacobs In a recent conversation with a surviving father, I expressed how clear our vision is in hindsight — it’s 20/20. However, our vision looking forward at the start of our grief journey can seem blurry and near-sighted at times. My son, David, died in an auto accident on December 23, 2020, while serving in the U.S. Army at Fort Carson, Colorado. Immediately after his death, I lived in regret. Did he know I loved him deeply? Was I too s
Volunteers are invaluable Volunteers are invaluable Volunteers are invaluable \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Volunteerism is at the very foundation of TAPS. Last year, more than 3,200 volunteers spent a combined total of 67,200 hours supporting military survivors. Every program at TAPS benefits from the selfless service of volunteers who share our mission of caring for the families of America’s fallen military heroes. Behind the effort to recruit and retain volunteers at TAPS are Sharon Paz and Lori Branch. Both Sharon and
Holiday Art Therapy: Practical Activities for Healing Holiday Art Therapy: Practical Activities for Healing Holiday Art Therapy: Practical Activities for Healing Bevin Landrum It’s no wonder that the holidays sometimes find us staring dazedly at holiday cards, half-decorated trees, and difficult wish lists (sparkle unicorns, rockets, removal of pesky siblings). The tasks and expectations that fall between November and the New Year are monumental even for families who aren’t living in the aftermath of tragic grief. For those of us tenderly cop
Financial Counseling Financial Counseling Financial Counseling Fran Hackett Your Best Decision in a Difficult Time Making important financial decisions can be difficult for anyone, even under the best of circumstances. But making them after you’ve experienced the death of a loved one can seem like an impossible task and is often far from being a priority. Finances are most likely the furthest thing from your mind when you are grieving. In addition, your already strong emotions may be compounded by receiving a
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Father Matt Daud’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Father Matt Daud’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Father Matt Daud’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Matt Daud Faces of TAPS is a new series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. We’re kicking off this series with a reflection from Matt Daud, surviving father of USMC Cpl Christopher Daud. After spending nearly 40 years as a pilot for United Airlines, Matt retired from flying in April
Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss Pain Inspired Purpose: Finding Meaning After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Kaylin Jennings-Knight I became widowed at the age of 27. At the time, I was five months pregnant and raising three young children. My late husband, Andre, was a disabled army veteran who suffered from PTSD and TBI. He lost his battle to PTSD on June 6, 2017. Many remember this date as D-Day. For my family, we remember this day as the day our world changed forever.
New Relationships and Dating After Loss New Relationships and Dating After Loss New Relationships and Dating After Loss Amanda McPherson If you are reading this, you may have been fortunate to have found that special someone, only to have them taken from you too soon. I will not claim to understand your pain. You will forever be shaped by the experiences you shared with your lost loved one as well as your journey of healing. As I'm sure I don't need to tell you, there isn't one authority for handling grief or a how-to guide for hea
Photos: Disney Marathon Events Disney Princess and Disneyland Marathon Events Disney Princess and Disneyland Marathon Events \| Team TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (173 photos) Team Taps, Disney, Marathon, Photos Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend Presented by Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals Flickr Album Event Photos, February 18 - 21, 2016 and September 1 - 4, 2016
Letting Leisure in After Loss Letting Leisure in After Loss Letting Leisure in After Loss \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell leisure (n) / lei • sure / (lē´•r, le´•r) : free time, although not idle time : personal freedom from responsibilities of work, daily tasks, etc. : the freedom and the capacity to live and experience life within recreation (n) / rec • rea • tion / (rek´rēā´sh•n) : what we do during our leisure time — activities done for enjoyment play (n, v) / (plā) : act of engaging in activities without inhibit
TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS TAPS Care Groups are safe, welcoming spaces in your local area — a community of peers within your community, those who understand grief because they’re experiencing it too. And, like you, they are seeking connection, hope, and healing. For Annette Montante, the surviving aunt of U.S. Marine Corps Sgt Tristan Charles Bet
Military Survivors of Suicide Loss Build Community at the TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Military Survivors of Suicide Loss Build Community at the TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Military Survivors of Suicide Loss Build Community at the TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp TAPS Earlier this month TAPS hosted its 14th Annual National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Dallas, Texas. It was a weekend full of community, hope, and healing as hundreds of survivors of military suicide loss came tog
Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Stress and anxiety are emotions felt by grieving people. This week, survivors share ideas on what brings them comfort when these emotions come over them. Hugs help me the most, so I’m sharing a picture of two survivors giving each other a wonderful hug. It is also the reason I sign most of my TAPS correspondence with the word “Hugs.” Please feel that I am hu
Among the Zebras Among the Zebras Among the Zebras Judi Swenson For those planning on attending the TAPS National Suicide Seminar in October for the first time, this is for you. Please don't get cold feet. Don't be scared. There is nothing else like it. I know this is very long. Please take a few minutes to read it through. I unfortunately will have to miss this years seminar. Don't you. You will find love, support, and understanding. HUGS. I lost my son, Davey, to suicide on June 16, 2005. My family has
A Garden Spade Can Help Heal A Garden Spade Can Help Heal A Garden Spade Can Help Heal Christi Larsen The Memorial Garden Tour is an annual event that supports TAPS and the Wounded Warrior Project through The Cole William Larsen Foundation, a 501(c) 3 public charity. Gardening can be such a personal journey; it’s not just about planting a seed and watching it grow. It is a process in which you tend and nurture and then stand back and watch in amazement. It can be extremely therapeutic: interacting with the plants and
The Importance of Hope The Importance of Hope The Importance of Hope Alan Wolfelt Excerpted from The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration “Today… I open my heart’s hand to allow the touch of hope.” ~ Julia Cameron Someone you love has died. In your heart you have come to know your deepest pain. Your grief has brought challenges that seem beyond your own capacity to survive. Grief creates chaos, and your soul cries out. You naturally experience a sense of helplessness and, at times, you feel the d
TAPS suicide prevention and postvention: Decreasing risk and Increasing Hope TAPS suicide prevention and postvention: Decreasing risk and Increasing Hope TAPS suicide prevention and postvention: Decreasing risk and Increasing Hope \| TAPS TAPS Recent headlines have drawn attention to the increasing rate of suicide among military members. At TAPS we know that a death by suicide leaves survivors in a wake of emotions and challenges that complicate an already painful grieving process. For more than 10 years, TAPS has been caring for and supporting suicide loss survivor
Photos: TAPS Togethers Mammoth Cave TAPS Togethers: Mammoth Cave National Park Day TAPS Togethers: Mammoth Cave National Park Day Photos \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (27 photos) photos, military survivor, hiking, cave tour Flickr Album Event Photos: Survivors visit Mammoth Cave with the National Park Trust and TAPS Togethers on November 2, 2024.
Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting \| TAPS Sandy Isom Editor's Note: The TAPS Wall of Heroes is a fixture at every National Military Survivor Seminar. The wall — a display of tiles, each featuring the photo of a fallen hero whose loved one is in attendance — is prominently displayed in the center of activity at the seminar. Throughout each day of the event, attendees, staff, volunteers, and guests pass by the wall — sometimes turning their heads for grateful glances, other
6 Ways to Honor Surviving Loved Ones on This Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day 6 Ways to Honor Surviving Loved Ones on This Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day 6 Ways to Honor Surviving Loved Ones on This Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day Marilyn Weisenburg The Senate established Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day in 1936, and every year, our President makes a proclamation to express love, sorrow and honor towards those families considered to be Gold Star Families. How can you demonstrate your love and respect for those loved ones who died while serving in the mil
Finding Joy in the Midst of Despair Finding Joy in the Midst of Despair Finding Joy in the Midst of Despair Darcie Sims The value of humor in grief resolution is sometimes hard to see, especially in the early weeks, months and even years of grief. Yet, without a sense of humor, the world would be a dark, dreary, and unforgiving place. A sense of humor is a valuable tool for coping with grief. Although your sense of humor may appear to have been deleted from your being, if you can allow it to return (even just a little) th
The Capacity to Love Requires the Necessity to Mourn The Capacity to Love Requires the Necessity to Mourn Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. * TAPS Advisory Board “Every time we make the decision to love someone, we open ourselves to great suffering, because those we most love cause us not only great joy but great pain. The greatest pain comes from leaving...the pain of the leaving can tear us apart. Still, if we want to avoid the suffering of leaving, we will never experience the joy of loving. And love is stronger than fear, life stronger than death,
Saturday Morning Message: How Has TAPS Helped You? Saturday Morning Message: How Has TAPS Helped You? How Has TAPS Helped You? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Since today is Halloween, I thought it would be fun to share a picture from an article written by Marissa Donovan titled "Easy Fall Foods to Keep Your Spirits Up." In the article, there is a recipe for these Jack-O-Lantern stuffed peppers. The picture seemed perfect for today and hopefully put a smile on your face when you opened this week’s Saturday Morning Me
The Hawk The Hawk The Hawk Bob Bagosy Someone once asked where my notes were before I spoke about my son Tommy, I said all my notes are in my heart. On this past Father’s Day, Katie, Tommy’s widow who had recently moved to Georgia, brought the grandkids over to help make all our Father’s Day a little bit brighter. After all, it’s a day to celebrate Fathers. Tommy’s kids are great! His son Nathan and his daughter Avery light up my life! They give me a reason to go on. They are too young in some ways
Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Carol Lane Good morning, Hugs are important when we are grieving. This week, survivor comments about multiple losses varied from feelings after experiencing multiple losses to some of the things they have done to keep anxiety at a distance. I hope you will find their responses like a big hug across the miles. One addition to this week’s message is an idea from Cheryl, mother of Jack. She
The Story of Us The Story of Us The Story of Us Jenna Grassbaugh Love, Loss, Grief, Healing, and Everything in Between My husband once told me that despite the challenges life, law school, and the future might bring, all that mattered at the end of the day was that we had each other. He told me he would love me through the best of the best times and the worst of the worst. He was standing at a pay phone in Iraq when he uttered these words. Just a few months later, the worst of the worst times would begin f
The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support Alan Wolfelt Learning from the Geese If there is ever a time in life when we need others to support and nurture us, it’s when someone we love dies. In many ways, grief work is the most difficult work we will ever do. And hard work is less burdensome when others lend a hand. Sharing the devastation that results from the death of someone precious won’t make the hurt go away, but it does make it more
Growing Up TAPS: Leaning Into Your Influence as a Parent Growing Up TAPS: Leaning Into Your Influence as a Parent Growing Up TAPS: Leaning Into Your Influence as a Parent Andy McNiel It is not easy to be a parent today. We compete with so many other things that demand our children’s attention and fill their minds with messages that shape how they see themselves, others, and the world around them. I have had many parents express their frustrations about this current situation and wonder if they even have any sway in their child’s life. Sometimes it
Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal Ready to Mentor – Ready to Heal \| TAPS Cella Logan Finding Purpose through Helping Others At a 2019 regional seminar in Jacksonville, Florida, I became a TAPS Peer Mentor. I felt ready to help guide other survivors through their journey of loss, heartbreak, unknowns and the life of widowhood. At that time, I was only 5 months into my new career as a Military Spouse Advocate with the state of Florida. I work with active duty spouses helping them find their purp
How I learned to stop asking why and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good \| TAPS Don Lipstein September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the last of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, pleas
From Peer to Peer From Peer to Peer From Peer to Peer \| TAPS Heather Gray Blalock A TAPS Peer Mentor's Guidance for Supporting Others in Grief As a surviving spouse, I thought I understood grief. I felt I would be prepared to handle a grieving widow or family member who lost a loved one. So, it took me by surprise when I wasn’t. Five years after my husband was killed in Afghanistan, a pilot friend of ours was killed in a training exercise. I was at his wife’s house moments after the notification team left,
5 Ways TAPS Supports Military and Veteran Survivors 5 Ways TAPS Supports Military and Veteran Survivors 5 Ways TAPS Supports Military and Veteran Survivors \| TAPS TAPS The 24 somber notes of taps sounded at the conclusion of a military funeral mark the end of a life lived in service to the United States. You don’t need to know the hero being laid to rest to be moved by the 24 notes, but those who knew this hero well — those in the midst of grief over the loss of not only a patriot, but a child, partner, parent, sibling, beloved family member,
Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart My father was killed in Kabul, Afghanistan on May 18, 2010. Watching the Taliban walk the streets that he died on 11 years ago has been gut-wrenching. As a Gold Star Family member, news following the announcement of the full United States withdrawal from Afghanistan has been overwhelming. With images of violence and devastation in Kabul flooding t
Go for Five Go for Five Go for Five \| TAPS Don Lipstein Friday, July 17, 2020, started out like any other day. My morning routine: A brief walk outside. Fifteen minutes of Qigong. A short workout that ends with a plank. On this day, however, my workout was interrupted. My son, Joshua, showed up. Josh asked if I would honor him. “How exactly do you want me to do that?” I replied. Simple, Josh said. “Push beyond your three-minute plank. Give me four minutes.” I laughed. That sounded agonizing, at best. A
Someone to Lean On TAPS Peer Mentor: Someone to Lean On Someone to Lean On \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Peer Mentor Sara Wilson (left), surviving spouse of retired Navy Captain David Wilson, and her mentee, Kellye Bone (right), surviving spouse of retired Air Force Technical Sergeant Thomas Bone, have similar stories—their husbands had long military careers in similar jobs, they died of similar causes, and they both have daughters around the same ages (11 and 7 for Sara; 21, 13, and 9 for Kellye). They met for the
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Favorite Meals Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Favorite Meals Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Favorite Meals Carol Lane Good morning, Last week’s question came from an idea that Bonnie Jo, mother of Andrew, sent along with an article in the Spring 2017 TAPS Magazine, titled, “Making Memories at Mealtimes.” Since the Fourth of July will be celebrated on Tuesday, many of us will share a meal with family and friends. This is one place where memories are made. A week ago, I spent some time with my family w
Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief \| TAPS Betty Medlock My parents, who were part of the Greatest Generation, taught me to respect and honor Memorial Day. But, while several members of my extended family served our country, none died while serving. So, for much of my life, Memorial Day remained mostly an abstract holiday. All that changed in January 2016, when I lost my son, Michael. After Michael’s death, Memorial Day shifted from ab
The Cabin of Reconciliation The Cabin of Reconciliation The Cabin of Reconciliation \| TAPS Jon Ganues Relationships in families change all the time, but they can sometimes change dramatically after the death of a loved one. Some relationships become very close, while some drift apart. Sometimes, the changes are obvious, and other times they are not. On June 2, 2009, I received notification that one of my sons, Jon Wesley Ganues, Jr., died by suicide while serving in the U.S. Air Force. He was a security policeman stat
The Heroes Journey: Telling My Story The Heroes Journey: Telling My Story The Heroes Journey: Telling My Story \| TAPS Alexis Saizon-Cowley The following is an excerpt of Alexis' powerful story of suicide loss that she shared at The Heroes Journey storytelling workshop hosted at TAPS' National Headquarters in January. If you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide, you can contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline toll-free by dialing 988. If you lost a military or veteran loved one to suicide, you are not alone. TA
Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, When contemplating going to a certain place after the loss of our loved ones, we put a great deal of thought into the decision. Although it is not possible to know what this young survivor in the photo is thinking, I thought it really fit today’s topic. The varied answers this week show how survivors handle going to places that may make them feel
When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning "When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning" "When Your Soulmate Dies: A Guide to Healing Through Heroic Mourning" TAPS Looking for a book to read that can provide encouragement and hope as you continue on your grief journey? Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D., a renowned expert on the topic of healing in grief, has written a new book about honoring your soulmate and your grief as you find a path to purpose and joy. Read an excerpt from “When Your Soulmate Dies:” Grief is everything
To Watch or Not To Watch To Watch or Not To Watch To Watch or Not To Watch Kelly Griffith That is the Question Sitting in the darkened, crowded theater, I realized I had made a mistake. Why hadn’t I picked the cutesy cartoon movie about dancing penguins? Why did I choose to resort to emotional cutting? No. I would be fine. But I looked beside me and saw the looks on my family's faces and knew I had made a big mistake. It was just a few short months after Sammy's death on December 14, and we sat in a room f
Is Winter Paradise in Disguise? Is Winter Paradise in Disguise? Is Winter Paradise in Disguise? Darcie Sims There ought to be a law! There ought to be a law against snow and ice and winter. There ought to be a law against snow drifting across the back door and one against ice forming on the sidewalks after I've shoveled. There ought to be a law against 40 below and frozen peas (they have nothing to do with winter, but there should be a law against peas anyway). There should be laws to protect the average citizen fro
Nutrition and Stress Nutrition and Stress Nutrition and Stress Ruth Crocker Finding Strength for Your Grieving Body Visit www.ruthwcrocker.com for more thoughts on nourishment, nutrition, writing, resilience, and mindfulness. Naomi appeared lean and fit, although a bit pale, when she arrived at her appointment in the Nutrition Clinic at Massachusetts General Hospital. At first glance, before taking her history, I thought she might be a long-distance runner, an ice skater, or a gymnast. I had counseled many e
Mending the Family Circle Mending the Family Circle Mending the Family Circle Darcie Sims Coping with the Death of a Loved One Once I lived the American Dream. We were a happy family, military by career and parents by choice. And with the birth of our son, our family was to have been complete…whole…two kids so no one would have to fight over a window in the back seat, two kids because I had a lot of recipes that served four. We called him Big A and he had a big sister named Allie. We were the American Dream, at least
After Grief: The Process of Healing After Grief: The Process of Healing After Grief: The Process of Healing Howard Winokuer Benjamin Franklin wrote, "only two things in life are certain, death and taxes." Death is something that affects us all. No one is immune. Death is sometimes expected, sometimes unexpected. It happens to parents, grand-parents, friends, relatives, pets, and others. Death often takes away something that is very precious to us and leaves pain and grief in its wake. The pain that is associated with grief can
A Look at Loneliness A Look at Loneliness A Look at Loneliness \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt "The eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness." — Norman Cousins The COVID-19 pandemic has increased our awareness of the problem of loneliness. We were lonely before the novel coronavirus arose, and we’re even lonelier since routine social distancing, isolation, and quarantining became unfortunate necessities. Of course, for those of us in grief, the natural loneliness of loss also compounds our fe
You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Five You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Five You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Five \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Editor's Note This is part five of a six-part series adapted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt's book, You're Not Crazy — You're Grieving. Parts one through four were published in the summer 2023, fall 2023, spring 2024, and summer 2024 issues of TAPS Magazine. In early grief, existential questions tend to naturally arise. Why did the person have to die? Why now? Why
Saturday Morning Message: More Memories of Favorite Moments Saturday Morning Message: More Memories of Favorite Moments Saturday Morning Message: More Memories of Favorite Moments \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Two weekends ago I attended the Southeast Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Jacksonville, Florida. There I met other survivors and we shared our thoughts. The picture shows some who attended talking to each other, which to me is the best part of a TAPS event. I will keep my comments short today so you can read the special mem
Healing Is In Session Healing Is In Session Healing Is In Session \| TAPS Emily Munoz I’ve had a song in my head since last November. It’s an old Van Morrison song that stays for a week or so, then floats away — until it comes back again some days later, always nudging me with the same line, “…and the healing has begun.” It just will not let me go. Usually, when I have a prolonged earworm like that, there’s a reason — or at least a trigger. Sometimes it’s a musical phrase (there was a commercial for a ski resort
7 Lessons Running Taught Me About Grief 7 Lessons Running Taught Me About Grief 7 Lessons Running Taught Me About Grief Linda Ambard Just like grief, running is a journey, not a destination. My journey with running began nearly 41 years ago. While I was once pretty fast and I was a collegiate runner, I run for other reasons now. Running is the essence of who I am and it is the gift that I give myself. When my husband, Phil, was killed nearly six years ago, running became my way forward. It allowed me to process the tears, the fea
Living the Legacy: Let the Good Days Come Living the Legacy: Let the Good Days Come Living the Legacy ~ Let the Good Days Come Gordon Bolar One of the things that someone said to me shortly after Matthew died in 2007 was this: “There will be some good days and there will be some bad days. Let the good days come and enjoy them.” I didn't believe it at the time but it turned out to be true. When I first heard these words in the wake of losing my son, I wasn't the most optimistic person on the planet. But lately there have been some
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Awhile back there was a discussion with a TAPS group about celebrating our loved one’s birthday and I thought it would be a good question for this weekly message. The responses this week came from those who answered that question. The quote at the beginning really speaks to our feelings about keeping our loved one’s memory alive. Sometimes after reading the Saturday Mo
Continuing the Legacy of Love Continuing the Legacy of Love Continuing the Legacy of Love \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk You may have heard it said that to love someone means to forever have a piece of your heart existing outside of your body. When that person dies, it can naturally leave us feeling a lack of wholeness. That hole in our hearts calls out to us and can only be occupied by the person who created it because it is shaped just like him or her. Honoring the love and life that created this space in your heart doesn't m
Walking in Dad's Footsteps Walking in Dad's Footsteps Walking in Dad's Footsteps \| TAPS Weston Haycock Editor’s note: November is National Children’s Grief Awareness Month. Throughout the month, we will feature stories from surviving children, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, and how best to support them. When I was born, my father wanted to name me after one of his favorite artists. He and my mother argued between whether I would be named Leonardo, Fletc
The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve Laura Morrison We have lots of choices in life. We choose what job to have, where to live, who we want to be. Every day we make choices both big and small; the choices are all around us. But when it comes to grief, it can feel like there is no choice. Grief is thrust upon us, and I don’t think anyone takes it well. I know my family didn’t. I’ll never forget the phone call from Keith’s dad. “The DoD just left my house,” he said a few times before I
27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life Linda Ambard Eloping to Reno, NV on November 27, 1988, three days after Thanksgiving. Phil was upset Thanksgiving because of how my father was treating me (I was the first person EVER to get divorced in our family—total ostracization.) Phil didn’t care how people treated him, but it bothered him if people messed with me. As we drove back to Mountain Home Air Force Base
The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief Emily Munoz Traveling the country to host Regional Seminars, the TAPS team hears about the sense of freedom that comes from connecting with other people who understand. At TAPS events, you can be yourself – the armor can come off; the mask can fall away. As this happens, our bonds as a TAPS family strengthen and grow. And then, Sunday rolls around, and with it comes the real world – and some of us need that armor back. We don’t want to send you ho
Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Relieve Stress? Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Relieve Stress? How Do You Relieve Stress? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, Reflection of emotions from our grief journey, a journey we did not choose, can sometimes lead us astray and away from family, friends and the peacefulness of nature. Navigating our experiences together and seeing the beauty that surrounds us can refuel us to reach out and connect with others at TAPS. As we walk together through our grief, let us pause to see the
Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents \| TAPS Angel Pansini Reading books written by other survivors is a healing companion to loss. Whether we are reading about a lighthearted recollection of the life of a service member or confronting the pain of someone’s loss that closely mirrors our own, reading these stories can help us navigate the ups and downs of our own grief. Here are three books for the adult reader, and two written for
Peer Support, Collaboration Key to Better Mental Health Care Peer Support, Collaboration Key to Better Mental Health Care Peer Support, Collaboration Key to Better Mental Health Care Matt Mabe In a Sept. 12 interview with Give An Hour’s Dr. Barbara Van Dahlen, Secretary of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Dr. David Shulkin emphasized the importance of peer-to-peer support as a successfully adopted method of care to its veterans. Just as TAPS has learned, peer support is a critical part of healing for those who are suffering. This has proven espe
Running for Dad on Father's Day Running for Dad on Father's Day Running for Dad on Father's Day Allicia Johnson When I first started writing for TAPS it was just kind of a given I would be submitting a Father’s Day post. I thought this would be one of my easiest submissions—until I attended the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar last month. I went with the intention of being a shoulder to cry on and support to strangers who were young in their grief, only to end up with tear stains on my own cheeks more often than I
Beyond My Fears Beyond My Fears Beyond My Fears Linda Ambard A borrowed line from a song sums it up well. "People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years, but they don't see inside of me. I'm hiding all my fears." I've been afraid of my very first memories - afraid of fire, darkness, getting lost, fitting in, trying new things, you name it. I quake and feel slightly nauseated when I am confronted with new situations, decisions, predicaments and even surprises. I learned long ago, though, that waiting on
I'm All About That Bass I'm All About That Bass I'm All About That Bass Linda Ambard There is a song that says, “I’m all about that bass, about that bass.” That song means something different to me than others, I am sure. When I hear it, I immediately consider my attitude. It’s all about that attitude. While I cannot deny that I still have pity parties and days that I break down in tears, I can say that each and every day I make the choice to be happy. How can I subtly shift my paradigms when the very person I built
Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Emily Munoz Author Bill Bryson wrote a book called “I’m A Stranger Here, Myself,” which chronicles his re-entry into American culture after living in the United Kingdom for 20 years. While the book isn’t about grief, it is about change and what happens when the world around us changes without our consent or awareness. Sometimes we become strangers to ourselves. Doesn't it often feel, especially in early grief, as t
Lean on Me Lean on Me Lean on Me Jill Harrington-LaMorie Building Your Support Network Experiencing the death of a loved one can challenge us in many ways as we learn to adapt to the loss in our lives. Although there are no right or wrong ways to grieve, getting support and taking care of yourself can help you deal with your feelings of loss. One of the single most important factors in healing from loss is having support. Sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry. Even if y
Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Kim Ruocco My name is Kim Ruocco and I am the widow of United States Marine Major John Ruocco, who died by suicide at age 40 in 2005. John was an incredible husband, son, father to our two boys, and Marine. He was dedicated and passionate in everything he did. John joined the Marines in 198