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Saturday Morning Message: Treating Yourself Saturday Morning Message: Treating Yourself Treating Yourself \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The idea for this week’s topic came from reading an article from the TAPS blog, "Redefining Self-Care in the Age of COVID-19," written by Grace Seamon-Lahiff. She not only showed how self-care has evolved over time, but offered some simple ways to accomplish it during this difficult time. For example, she wrote, “Is anxiety trying to tell you that only catastrophe i
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Heartfelt Gifts Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Heartfelt Gifts Sharing Heartfelt Gifts \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, What is a gift? Our loved ones were our first gift. Then, over time, we acquired physical gifts from them. The opening picture is a deer garden ornament my son, Bryon, gave me that I treasure. In this week’s message, survivors have shared both kinds of presents. I was so excited about all the responses that came to answer this question, so this week’s messag
Saturday Morning Message: Our Change of Thoughts on Mortality Saturday Morning Message: Our Change of Thoughts on Mortality Saturday Morning Message: Our Change of Thoughts on Mortality Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this week shows the sunset over the water. Although I don't live near a lake or the ocean, I do live by a relatively large river. It's one place I like to go to think about questions like the one from this week's Saturday Morning Message about the change of ideas after the death of a loved one. In an article from the TAPS Magazine
20 Years of TEAM TAPS 20 Years of TEAM TAPS 20 Years of TEAM TAPS \| TAPS TAPS Conquering the Distance – Honoring our Heroes This could be a simple story of individuals who love to run, lacing up their sneakers and pounding the pavement in pursuit of a personal best time, wanting another finisher’s medal to add to their collection or channeling their energy into physical activity. This could be a simple story. Yet this twenty-year journey is a story filled with passion, determination, reverence, love and a happ
Artful Grief Artful Grief Artful Grief Sharon Strouse A Journey of Healing When I conduct workshops and stand in front of grieving military families at TAPS seminars, I stand not only as an Art Therapist, but as a mother who has suffered loss. On October 11, 2001, I received a phone call from the New York City Police Department telling me that my seventeen-year-old daughter Kristin had fallen from the roof of her college dormitory. Kristin had succumbed to a mental illness and taken her own life. So be
Purple Up! For Military Kids and TAPS Legacy Mentors Purple Up! For Military Kids and TAPS Legacy Mentors Purple Up! For Military Kids and TAPS Legacy Mentors \| TAPS TAPS Purple Up! Day is a special observance during each April’s Month of the Military Child, where the public is asked to wear purple to show their support for the service and sacrifices made by our nation’s military children. At TAPS, we support all those children who are grieving a military loss and honor their sacrifices each and every day. Our Legacy Mentors, surviving childr
Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Happy Birthday to You Elizabeth Rozier This is the toughest week of my year. Yesterday was Jonathan’s birthday and Thursday is the anniversary of his death. I know people have a lot of beliefs about their dead loved ones, where they are, what they are doing and if they can hear them. I have been to Jon’s grave 3 times in the last 8 years. I think maybe this year I will try to go again although going there brings me no comfort because I know he isn’t there. His body i
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, I am always pleasantly surprised when I read the responses to the weekly question and this week was no exception. The response sent by Betty, mother of Michael, included a picture of an item given to her at her son’s funeral. Betty wrote, “At Michael’s service at Dallas-Fort Worth National Cemetery, one of the Marines from Michael’s unit presented me with an item. Much was a
Healing Your Grieving Heart Healing Your Grieving Heart Healing Your Grieving Heart \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt Excerpt from book by Bonnie Carroll and Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D. The TAPS family is always reaching our arms to you. Whether at seminars, retreats, or virtually through our online resources, we understand the need to have the support of an understanding community as we navigate the grief journey. We share our grief, our memories and our daily experiences to build strength and hope. When we cannot be t
Taste the Love Taste the Love Taste the Love \| TAPS Chris Shank I've heard it said that smell is the sense most closely tied to memory. That is understandable as one of my fondest memories would be going to my grandmother's house and smelling the roast that had been cooking for hours. The meal she would make for us is something I can remember since I was old enough to understand what food was and is now a staple in our adult households. It should come as no surprise this was my brother Jeremy's favorite foo
Saturday Morning Message: Displaying Memorabilia Saturday Morning Message: Displaying Memorabilia Saturday Morning Message: Displaying Memorabilia Carol Lane Good Morning, This week’s question was inspired by Merry, surviving mother of Wesley. She sent a picture of what she had done to produce Wes’s Honor Wall. The thought crossed my mind that it might be good to find out what others have done with those special mementoes, so last week’s question asked survivors what they chose to do with these beloved items. The answers were varied and in
How I learned to take ownership of my grief How I learned to take ownership of my grief How I learned to take ownership of my grief \| TAPS Jennifer Keeling September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the second of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 24/7 at
Video: What To Do With Your Loved One's Possessions Video: What To Do With Your Loved One's Possessions What To Do With Your Loved One's Possessions Webinar \| TAPS Institute Rachel Kodanaz Personal possessions tell a beautiful story of a person's life regardless of age. But when we find that we have accumulated too much or a loved one passes, the process of sorting through the items can be overwhelming. Join Rachel for a workshop sharing personal stories while learning the best approaches to thin, repurpose, and redistribute these possessi
Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Saturday Morning Message: New Ventures Carol Lane Good morning, After the initial pain of grief has lessened, many find that undertaking a new hobby or pastime can offer comfort. This week’s opening picture is from Caryn, mother of Nathan and spouse of Micheal, who writes later in the message about the art of crochet and how it has uplifted her. This week’s blog has many suggestions with ideas you might want to try. In addition to the responses that c
Life Will Be Different, But It Can Still Be Good Life Will Be Different, But It Can Still Be Good Life Will Be Different, But It Can Still Be Good \| TAPS Heather Gray Blalock The first holiday season after my husband was killed in action was when I began to sense that God must have a sense of humor. A Costco-sized bag of candy each had bribed my children out of trick-or-treating. The thought of cold creeping as a single parent with masked little ones was more than I could handle. Feelings of guilt lingered over that until Thanksgiving. So,
Saturday Morning Message: Women Who Have Had Positive Impacts On Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Women Who Have Had Positive Impacts On Our Grief Journey Women Who Have Had Positive Impacts On Our Grief Journey \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, As we welcome in the fresh spring air around the country, we are reminded nature is blooming all around us. Our winter slumber is now behind us allowing for new beginnings and acknowledging the busyness spring and summer has to offer. So this may be a good time to pause and reflect on ways to reduce stre
Good Grief Camp Corner Good Grief Camp Corner Good Grief Camp Corner Jonathan Kirkendall It was May 2006. I was a civilian, a mental health professional, and I was standing in the lobby of the Doubletree Hotel in Arlington, Va., feeling lost. A few weeks before, I heard a radio interview with Bonnie Carroll talking about a program called TAPS. With a brother and a nephew serving in Iraq, I was intrigued. I was struggling to find a concrete way to support the troops - especially since the troops were my family. A
There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! \| TAPS TAPS The Team TAPS Virtual Fundraiser Campaign is going through December 31. The pandemic hasn’t stopped us from lacing up and running, jumping on our bikes, or hiking a trail as we honor our fallen military and raise funds to support the vital programs of TAPS. Get Involved You can still participate in our virtual campaign or make a resolution t
Support When You Need It Support When You Need It Support When You Need It Misty Blum Some people describe the unexpected death of a spouse as having the air suddenly taken from their lungs, but I would have to disagree. I know that lack of air is certain death. It's been nearly three years since my husband died, and I'm still here. I think the death of a spouse or other close loved one is more like the loss of a limb. In most cases, it won't kill you but it will permanently alter every aspect of your life and how yo
5 Ways to Reconnect With Nature This Earth Day 5 Ways to Reconnect With Nature This Earth Day 5 Ways to Reconnect With Nature This Earth Day \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell Near sunrise this morning, I heard and then saw a few geese flying low across a neighbor’s farm, nearing a small pond. From the corner of my eye I caught two barn swallows tussling near our wisteria bush they’ve made their home. As I turned to walk towards the barn, a killdeer scurried across the field and dug deep for a wormy breakfast. Overhead, the wind whistled i
HOLLOW-WEEN HOLLOW-WEEN HOLLOW-WEEN Michele Hiester Marcum It’s that spook-tacular time of year, with all things creepy and frightening lurking in the shadows and lunging from television ads as you mindlessly surf channels, looking for something worthy of your time and energy. And, quite frankly, I absolutely hate it. At one point in my life, it was an exciting challenge to see who could unmercifully scare whom, and it was doubly entertaining if someone cried or at least wet their pants. But that was
Hidden Gems of Serenity in the Outdoors Hidden Gems of Serenity in the Outdoors Hidden Gems of Serenity in the Outdoors \| TAPS Colleen McGinnis This past spring, I ventured out to embark on the TAPS Hidden Gems Expedition in Southern Illinois. Since I had attended a few TAPS Events before, I had some preconceived notions about how the trip would go and how it would make me feel. However, I soon realized that the impact of this expedition was incredibly unique, and it greatly exceeded my expectations. Initially, I decided to look
Getting Through the Tough Times Getting Through the Tough Times Getting Through the Tough Times Rachael Hill I had a really hard time deciding what I wanted to write this blog about and finally decided to just write about how I have been feeling. I haven't had the easiest past few weeks and while I don't want to be a "Debbie Downer," I do know that others have gone through this too and I think it's important to know we're not alone…not just in grief, but in life itself. This time of year is especially difficult for me.
Saturday Morning Message: Meaningful Objects Saturday Morning Message: Meaningful Objects Saturday Morning Message: Meaningful Objects \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote about items that celebrate the love they have for their special people. Some told about items that were worn by their loved ones while others wrote about objects they bought or were given to them by those who wanted to show their care. The picture comes from Charlene, mother of Devin. I thought you would enjoy reading why the picture sh
A special horse helps children of fallen heroes A special horse helps children of fallen heroes A special horse helps children of fallen heroes \| TAPS Arianna Bryant “Klinger” is one of my favorite books. The book describes a horse named Klinger when he was little and was not very fast. Because of that he had to move away. He could not become a race horse. He could not run fast enough. The book tells you about how he was sad to move from his parents to a different stable and how he was trained there. Lastly, the book describes how Klinger
Gold Star Families: We Are the Best Versions of the Worst-Case Scenarios Gold Star Families: We Are the Best Versions of the Worst-Case Scenarios Gold Star Families: We Are the Best Versions of the Worst-Case Scenarios Emily Munoz I’ve been a nightmare at multiple points in my life. I’m pretty sure my younger brother can vouch for that. So, frankly, can Sallie Mae (I’m sorry, but I just couldn't handle those coupon books), my tax preparer (I love you, Amy!) and anyone with whom I’ve ever shared a hotel room. I think on some level we all want to live the dream.
Walking the Grief Journey Together on International Widows Day and Every Day Walking the Grief Journey Together on International Widows Day and Every Day Walking the Grief Journey Together on International Widows Day and Every Day Lynzy Savage Walking the Grief Journey Together on International Widows Day and Every Day Lynzy Savage, Surviving Spouse of Cpl William Savage, The Royal Regiment of Scotland My life changed when I lost my husband in 2013. Almost eight months pregnant when Sav was killed in Afghanistan, I had our son Connor four weeks after his funeral.
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Self Care While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Self Care While Grieving Carol Lane Good Morning, Grieving the loss of a loved one takes a toll on our emotions, body, and mind. During these times, the most important thing we can do is to take care of ourselves as best we can. In today's message, survivors share what they do to take care of themselves. As you read these responses, please feel free to adopt any of these ideas. Sharing what works for us is healing a
Finding the Path Finding the Path Finding the Path Stacey Hrvatin Walking in the Footsteps of Others If you have not connected with others, register for a TAPS Regional Seminar or request a Peer Mentor. Now that I am a year and a half beyond the death of my fiancé, I am able to hold my footing a bit longer these days and look back. I look back at this journey so far and I can’t believe this is the life I’ve lived. On an early September morning I was greeted by the men in uniform we so dread seeing when o
Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Gloria Horsley Heidi Horsley “Scott is dead!” These are the dreaded words that no parent or sibling should ever have to hear, words that irrevocably changed our lives forever. We heard these words in 1983, when Scott Horsley, our beloved son and brother, died in a fiery collision when the car in which he was a passenger hydroplaned and slammed into a bridge abutment. In an instant, Scott’s life was snuffed
Grief Reactivated Grief Reactivated Grief Reactivated Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann My father died almost 14 years ago of a heart attack while training to deploy. I was just 10 years old. I went through denial, anger and depression. Eventually, I came to accept the loss. After going through those steps, I thought it was over; I was finally done grieving. Even though the process did not occur in any prescribed order or in the way some say it should have, I felt I reached important milestones in my grief journey.
Out of My Comfort Zone Out of My Comfort Zone Out of My Comfort Zone Rachael Hill For spring break, I decided to take my boys on a ten day trip to California. What started out as a simple visit, quickly became a whirlwind trip up and down the coast with a lot of time for personal reflection. We left on a red eye flight and arrived at Los Angeles at 11:30 in the morning. We got our rental car and proceeded to drive to our hotel near San Diego. Immediately after leaving the airport, I found myself on the 405 in
Grief Recall Grief Recall Grief Recall \| TAPS Gregory Jacobs I recently had the privilege of taking my grandson, Thomas, to the Kentucky State Fair. Thomas is 5 and the son of my deceased son who served in the Army. While walking around looking at the animals and various venues, he was attracted to the police lights in the middle of the convention center — a Kentucky State Police cruiser display and recruitment booth. Next to the display was a trailer with a mangled-up car and a kiosk to promote safe driv
Saturday Morning Message: Cultivating Hobbies and Skills Saturday Morning Message: Cultivating Hobbies and Skills Cultivating Hobbies and Skills \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, During this period of quarantine, some have found the additional time to develop new hobbies or skills or have worked hard to enhance old skills, applying that new knowledge to various projects. Several survivors share about their experiences in this week’s Saturday Morning Message. We have all heard that journaling can be part of the h
Spotlight on Service: Belle Spotlight on Service: Belle Spotlight on Service: Belle TAPS Honor’s First for Freedom is my full name, but most everyone calls me Belle. I’m a Golden Retriever, born on January 27, 2005, in Charlotte, North Carolina. I left my furry family when I was only nine weeks old and flew to Virginia to start my new life with my new family. My new mom Lisa Dolan met me at the airport in Norfolk, Virginia. Yes, I was born to travel! Besides my mom, I have a sister Becca and a brother Beau. Their fath
Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on the Journey Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on the Journey Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on the Journey Carol Lane Good Morning, Last week we were asked to share how events like the recent helicopter training accident in Florida influence our own grief journey. When this happens and deep thought is needed, I go to my favorite places, the beach or the garden. These spots help quiet my mind which is often on overdrive especially when I hear something like this. In an article, National Bereavem
This Journey We Share This Journey We Share This Journey We Share Amy Dozier Dear You, We have had quite the journey together, haven't we? Thank you for being there for me in my darkest hours and in my brightest accomplishments. We have grown so much and come so far! The world has seemed like a sad a scary place recently and I have been reminded, yet again, how important it is to find my balance amid the storms that pass. I used to think grief was a step-by-step process; that once I was "all done", I would be "
Introducing Elizabeth Rozier Introducing Elizabeth Rozier Introducing Elizabeth Rozier Elizabeth Rozier Writing has always been my passion. It stirs my emotions and allows me to express myself more adequately than any other way. After my brother died it was easier to talk to a computer screen than a live person…it doesn’t judge, condemn, offer false sympathy or worse, a blank stare. It has allowed me to brag about my brother to willing listeners. So, here I am blogging again about the person I like to talk about most…m
The Story of Us The Story of Us The Story of Us Jenna Grassbaugh Love, Loss, Grief, Healing, and Everything in Between My husband once told me that despite the challenges life, law school, and the future might bring, all that mattered at the end of the day was that we had each other. He told me he would love me through the best of the best times and the worst of the worst. He was standing at a pay phone in Iraq when he uttered these words. Just a few months later, the worst of the worst times would begin f
Found My NICHe Found My NICHe Found My NICHe \| TAPS Emily Dieruf Chambers Running with Team TAPS at the Marine Corps Marathon Thousands of widows share a common bond because of Operation Iraqi Freedom, each of us mourning and coping in a myriad of ways. Though it took me several years after the death of my husband, CPL Nicholas Dieruf, USMC to discover an outlet. Running quickly became a way to escape the days’ stressors, connect with a newfound community of friends, and get any day started on a positive n
Create a lasting visual legacy with the Veterans History Project Create a lasting visual legacy with the Veterans History Project Create a lasting visual legacy with the Veterans History Project \| TAPS Kerry Ward Each Memorial Day our nation remembers and honors the men and women who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. May we never forget that all gave some, and some gave all to preserve this country. As our nation reflects on the costs of freedom, those who lost someone have an opportunity to come together and share the stories of their heroes.
Saturday Morning Message: Pet Grief Support Saturday Morning Message: Pet Grief Support Saturday Morning Message: Pet Grief Support \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Pets can be comforting. This week, survivors sent their thoughts and pictures of pets not only through the Saturday Morning Message but also through the TAPS Facebook page in a post about International Dog Day. I hope you enjoy reading about these special pets. The opening picture this week is Sox, companion of Perry, father of Christopher. You will read more about him and
There Is Absolutely Magic in Gratitude 'There Is Absolutely Magic in Gratitude' There Is Absolutely Magic in Gratitude \| TAPS Amber Hockman Unexpected, tragic loss changes a person forever. I believe that we get to choose how it changes us. We can let it destroy us, turning us bitter and angry and cold. Or we can let it soften us, making us kinder and gentler and more grateful. It isn’t an easy choice, either way. Those of us who have lost our loved ones know this to be true. We know the struggle to choose life again after we have
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Collections Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Collections Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Collections Carol Lane Good morning, One day at the cemetery, a butterfly landed on my side. That had never happened before, and I took it as a sign from my son, Bryon. After that, I began buying artificial butterflies to put in my house plants and other places around the house. This is a picture of one of them that I would like to share with all of you today. Even though I don’t buy them as much anymore, the joy
How TAPS Brought Hope and Healing to Military Widow Kim Ruocco How TAPS Brought Hope and Healing to Military Widow Kim Ruocco Military Widow Survivor Kim Ruocco Finds TAPS - TAPS News Kim Ruocco Dear TAPS Family, As fall approaches, I am filled with a mix of emotions as I’m flooded with memories of the past and passion for my newfound purpose. October is the month when I married my best friend and soul mate, John Ruocco. He was the life of the party and loved any excuse to be with friends and family to celebrate. Halloween was his favorite holiday, givi
Saturday Morning Message: How Do Dreams Help Our Grief Journey? Saturday Morning Message: How Do Dreams Help Our Grief Journey? Saturday Morning Message: How Do Dreams Help Our Grief Journey? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Dreams of our loved ones come to some of us and not to others. This is normal. If you have dreams, talking or writing about those dreams can be healing. This week, survivors shared their dreams and how those dreams helped their grieving process. They wrote about their continued understanding of the connection with their loved ones t
Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Volunteers are important to TAPS. This week the focus is on the group called mentors. TAPS legacy and military mentors contribute by giving children support as they participate in TAPS programs. Peer mentors are survivors who are 18 months beyond their own loss and have been trained by peer professionals. They are ready to offer a hand to others,
A Few Good Men A Few Good Men A Few Good Men Sarah Greene Support for Project Eighteen Since the death of my husband, one of my son’s most difficult challenges, aside from dearly missing his dad’s daily physical presence, has been the desire for guidance from this most important man in his life. I have struggled with providing those daily “man” lessons and teaching him how to grow into a good man. I’ve tried my best to convey what is important, explaining what Dad would say in any given situation and fil
Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Dreams Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This Sunday is Veterans Day, so in addition to the delightful answers that were sent in response to our question about dreams, I thought I would add a Comcast Newsmakers interview with Erin Jacobson who is on the TAPS staff and talks about the service of our organization. It will be broadcast as part of an hour-long Veterans Day broadcast. This way you get to see it first! You can
What NOT to Say to a Military Widow What NOT to Say to a Military Widow What Not to Say to a Military Widow - TAPS News Jenna Grassbaugh "Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal." ~Author Unknown When I first lost Jon, I didn't know how to let anyone help me. I retreated behind an emotional wall and kept almost everyone in my life at arm's length. The only person I wanted to talk with about how I was feeling was the one person I couldn't talk to ever again. I didn't have the energy to
The Shining Light in an endless tunnel The Shining Light in an endless tunnel A Survivor Parents Shares Hope- TAPS News Jonathan Jay Gee Sr. Over the last several months, which were full of frustration, anger, depression, and PTSD, I have seen the latest TAPS Magazine lying around the house or maybe a TAPS coffee mug. I've been thankful for my TAPS Peer Mentor whom I regularly talk with mostly through text message. Well, he keeps texting me with words to help in my daily struggle through my son’s birthday, holidays and other key
Support Support Support Rachael Hill Support… Definition of SUPPORT 1: to hold up or serve as a foundation or prop for Support. It seems like such a simple word but yet there is so much weight behind it. We all need support, no matter what may be going on in our lives, and when you lose someone close to you that support is what helps get you through. For me, some friends stepped up right away and have continued to be there for us throughout this journey, some support came from out of nowhere and
The Stumps and Zips in Our Lives The Stumps and Zips in Our Lives The Stumps and Zips in Our Lives \| TAPS Gregory Jacobs As my zero-turn mower cut over the flush stump in the side yard, I was reminded of the pull-up bar that stood there not long ago. While maneuvering ever so slowly around the yard with my 6-year-old grandson on my lap, I pointed up to a tree to show him the remnants of what used to be a zip line across the creek. In 2018, before my son, David, joined the Army, he decided to assemble a pull-up bar in the y
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quotes or Phrases Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quotes or Phrases Favorite Quotes or Phrases \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, A good friend of mine from TAPS, Darcie Sims, used this phrase in an article she wrote called, “Star Light, Star Bright”. The article talks about how we stop looking for the stars when our loved ones pass. Then, through the help of friends, we come to a place where we can search for those stars again. Her closing words talk about how we can heal: “Look
Struggling To Reclaim My Faith Struggling To Reclaim My Faith Struggling To Reclaim My Faith Dennis Apple My nightmare began on Wednesday, February 6, 1991, at 8:20 a.m. Denny, our eighteen- year-old son had been diagnosed with mononucleosis two days prior, and the doctor had sent us home with medications and orders to rest. However, something awful happened during the night, and the following morning I discovered he had died in his sleep. There is nothing I know of that compares to the horror and shock that comes to the h
App Review: My Good Grief Journal for Kids App Review: My Good Grief Journal for Kids App Review: My Good Grief Journal for Kids Cheryl Kreutter For both children and adults, writing and drawing are useful tools for unpacking grief. The “My Good Grief Journal for Kids” app for iPad, a digital grief journal created specifically for children, provides children both space and structure to record memories, thoughts and feelings about a loved one who has died. While an adult is required to provide guidance on the app, it is the colorful pi
Living the Legacy: Small Steps in Speech Living the Legacy: Small Steps in Speech Living the Legacy ~ Small Steps in Speech Amanda Charney At some point in our grief journey many of us conclude that we will go on living—not merely existing or even just surviving, but truly living—for those who died. After all, we are the legacy that our loved ones left behind. ~ Betsy Beard, Editor TAPS Magazine It all started years back at a Philadelphia Eagles game. My brother-in-law invited me down to tailgate on New Year’s Eve. He had been tr
Saturday Morning Message: Helping Extended Family Saturday Morning Message: Helping Extended Family Saturday Morning Message: Helping Extended Family Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's question about noticing or helping extended family through grief came from an article in the last TAPS Magazine titled "Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving" By Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD. As I read it, I thought about my husband's father who was the only grandparent alive when our son, Bryon, died. The picture of him sitting in our living room hardly able to s
Year 2 is Round 2 Year 2 is Round 2 Year 2 is Round 2 Shanette Booker August 19, 2011 was a day that I will definitely always remember. It’s not a national holiday by any means, but it is a family holiday and a day that will forever be celebrated, honored, and remembered. I vowed to love, honor, cherish, and obey…in sickness and in health, till death do us part. August 19, 2011 technically was the day death did do us part, but I don’t think that physical death counts…the love between us still lives after A
A Father’s Grief A Father’s Grief A Father’s Grief Lee Vincent Finding a Game Plan to honor your loss What’s the first male response to trouble? Get in there and do something right away, of course. But you can’t do anything about a warrior who is already dead, which leads to the next natural, manly move: write off the loss and move on to something else. This is how men have always coped with reality and how we survived and got our families sheltered and fed, after all. But when we are blindsided with a h
Men Share Their Holiday Grief Journeys With TAPS Men Share Their Holiday Grief Journeys With TAPS Men Share Their Holiday Grief Journeys With TAPS Rich Cliff Jon Ganues Matt Daud Much of what is considered strong versus weak or normal versus abnormal is based in stigma. Men — whether by societal stigma or self-appointed responsibility — are often looked at to be strength in times of weakness, stoic despite emotions flowing all around. But grieving the loss of a loved one is not a sign of weakness, and the growing participation in an already v
Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process \| TAPS Rachel Kodanaz Returning to work may be daunting to someone who has just suffered the death of a family member or close loved one. Mustering the courage to re-engage in normal daily activities feels so distant, yet it has been proven that returning to work, school or worship plays a significant role in well-being. When returning to work after my husband, Rod, suddenly passe
Voices of the Love Lives On Act of 2023 Voices of the Love Lives On Act of 2023 Voices of the Love Lives On Act of 2023 \| TAPS TAPS Why We Advocate TAPS is dedicated to supporting all military and veteran survivors, and part of this commitment is advocating for program and service improvements that can directly impact life after loss. We work closely with elected officials; the Departments of Defense, Veterans Affairs, Education, Labor, and Health and Human Services; and state and local governments to make sure survivor concerns
Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week is from a TAPS seminar. I was inspired to use it by the suggestions given by several survivors this week. I had not thought about cooking as a way to manage stress, but you will read more in the Answers from Survivors section. TAPS is constantly working on events and programs to help survivors on their journey. As you read this, think a
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Activities Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Activities Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Activities \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The idea for the question this week came from a discussion we had on the Tuesday general chat about activities that helped lift us from grieving. Debby, wife of Thomas was one of those participating in that chat. She talked about the quilts she makes, so I thought placing her beside one of her quilts would be a good way to open this week’s Saturday Morning Message. It is
Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas Saturday Morning Message: 4th of July Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week comes from the TAPS files. I thought it would be perfect for the 4th of July edition of the Saturday Morning Message as it has a very large US flag flown by a balloon with the TAPS inscription showing the strong connection between TAPS and our country. The 4th of July is another one of those holidays that can bring different emotions to various peopl
Three Years After Phil was Killed Three Years After Phil was Killed Three Years After Phil was Killed Linda Ambard When Phil was killed, I felt like I was all alone and that somehow I no longer fit in the world I had been a part of since I was 21. It had been many years since I was the center of gossip, but from the early moments less than a week after the funeral, people Phil had worked with were making bets about how long it would take for me to date and remarry. Someone considered it funny enough to tell me about it. Ot
From Caregiver to Survivor From Caregiver to Survivor: Finding New Purpose and Honoring Husband's Legacy From Caregiver to Survivor: Finding New Purpose and Honoring Husband's Legacy \| TAPS Coleen Bowman Editor's note: The TAPS Caregiver to Survivor program provides comfort and care to families whose military loved ones died following an illness. In 2019 alone, TAPS welcomed 2,000 survivors who experienced such a loss. We have developed our new program to focus on the complex nature of this grief, which often begins at
Hope and Healing After Homicide Loss Hope and Healing After Homicide Loss Hope and Healing After Homicide Loss \| TAPS Mara Melendez-Bandy When a loved one passes away, you are not only robbed of their physical presence in the here and now, you lose the chance to spend your future together. Your life after their death becomes filled with thoughts of “If only,” “We would have…” and “I wish…” Losing a loved one to homicide is devastating because of the pain and anguish of knowing the death was by the hands of another human being.
Laughter is the Best Medicine Laughter is the Best Medicine Laughter is the Best Medicine Rachael Hill When I was a kid, every Thanksgiving was spent with our extended family in Wisconsin. It didn't matter where we were living at the time, we would always make the trek for this special time together. My cousins and I always had so much fun together. On Thanksgiving Day, it became tradition to have our uncle videotape us doing impromptu plays, which usually included some variation of The Three Little Pigs and Goldilocks
Saturday Morning Message: Month of the Military Caregiver Saturday Morning Message: Month of the Military Caregiver Month of the Military Caregiver \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Coleen Bowman Good Morning, As we enter the month of May, as we do every day, TAPS will honor all who have served and died. We are also honoring our Military caregivers, as May is the Month of the Military Caregiver. During this time, we would like to pause for a moment and acknowledge your sacrifice as a caregiver. Being a caregiver to your loved one can take a toll on y
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Music Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Music The Comfort of Music \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The topic for this week’s Saturday Morning Message was inspired by how TAPS came together with the Roots & American Music Society to create an album of songs. The title came from the words Bonnie Carrol put on her husband, Tom’s tombstone: Love Lives On. Pre-order the album, which goes on sale May 22, and read more about the album and the survivor families involved in
Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, As we learn to function after the death of a loved one, something unexpected may come along to upset us. Last week Cheryl, mother of Jack, wrote about her dog, Bear, who was a comfort pet. When he passed, she wondered how others have coped when another sudden loss occurs in their lives while healing. Sometimes nothing helps more than a big hug. The pic
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, We are on a break and republishing the responses from one of our favorite topics, self-care. We’ll be back next week with the replies to Cheryl’s question. Self-care is something that is often overlooked when we are grieving, so I think it is a good idea to post an article about it every so often. The responses this week come from the TAPS Saturday Morning Message archives. Th
Saturday Morning Message: Support from Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Support from Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Support from Loved One Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture today comes from the TAPS Magazine archives. Although our loved one's friends don't just include battle buddies, the article "Team TAPS: Battle Buddies" shares how some have honored their fallen comrades. Today's replies include many different ways our loved one's friends have helped survivors. Would you like to share a question or read how other survivo
The Fog of Grief The Fog of Grief The Fog of Grief - TAPS News Betsy Beard To be a part of the TAPS Online Community, click on Online Community on the right at the very top of the screen. Then register to join. Most of us functioned fairly competently in our day-to-day lives—holding jobs or attending college, raising children, reading books, taking care of our health, entertaining friends and family—right up until someone we loved stopped living. Instantly we become disorganized, distracted, distraught, dist
A Holiday Playlist to Remember Your Loved One A Holiday Playlist to Remember Your Loved One A Holiday Playlist to Remember Your Loved One \| TAPS Allison Gilbert “Music is one of the strongest tethers we have to the past,” Kenneth Bilby, former director of the Center for Black Music Research at Columbia College Chicago, tells me. “It’s a critically important carrier of memory.” With this notion in mind, I’ll reveal a story about my family I recently shared publicly for the first time: My uncle dictated a note to me one day before he d
When the Bough Breaks When the Bough Breaks When the Bough Breaks Colleen Betlach Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter Note: All reviews are the opinions of the reviewer and do not constitute an endorsement on the part of TAPS. I have always been an avid reader. I love books and literature for education and fantasy. Even as my bookshelves filled up, I obtained more. I loved the feel of being in a room full of books, and I was on my way to creating libraries in each room of our home. Whenever I had a pr
Learning, Growing, and Healing Through Peer Mentoring Learning, Growing, and Healing Through Peer Mentoring Learning, Growing, and Healing Through Peer Mentoring \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk When I was a teenager, I vividly recall a tense conversation with my mom in which I was no doubt being self-centered and selfish. While the full context has long left me, one thing she said still rings in my ears, “Audri, you need to get over yourself — not everything is about you.” But I was a strong, independent young woman determined to make my own way or, ma
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets The Comfort of Pets \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, This is a perfect topic for today since it is National Pet Day, a holiday celebrating our loving animals and the joy they bring to our lives every single day. More importantly, the holiday creates public awareness about the challenges shelter animals face and encourages humans to help them. This week survivors introduced us to their companion animals and how they are
A Pain That Never Dies A Pain That Never Dies A Pain That Never Dies Melinda Russell Deployments are always hard. No matter how “easy” they are. You are away from your family, home, and life that you know. You are typically working 12 hours a day, six days a week, if you are lucky. And, even in the “safest” of locations, there is still the risk of the base being targeted; or even being injured by equipment put together by the lowest bid winner. But, the death of your battle buddy by suicide makes a deployment nearl
Voices of 9/11 - Reflections of Three TAPS Survivors Voices of 9/11 - Reflections of Three TAPS Survivors Voices of 9/11 - Reflections of Three TAPS Survivors \| TAPS Lisa Dolan Zach Laychak Robert Pycior Nineteen years ago, we woke up to the most beautiful sunny September day. Little did we know that before the day came to an end, we would be forever changed. The events of September 11, 2001, marked a turning point, for individual families, for our nation, and for the world. So many in our TAPS family were directly impacted by the terrorist atta
Saturday Morning Message: What is Success? Saturday Morning Message: What is Success? Saturday Morning Message: What is Success? Carol Lane Good morning, This week’s question about how has your view of success changed since your loved one passed brought in a lot of thoughtful responses. After reading the reply by Bonnie Jo, mother of Andrew, I asked her to send a picture of something she has created. She sent this picture and I decided that it should be the opening one this week. I split her reply into two sections. The first was ab
The Day Before Our Last Day The Day Before Our Last Day The Day Before Our Last Day Shanette Booker I contemplated just how my 1 year mark would be…what I should expect…and how I think things will be for me. I think my thinking has driven me crazy, and I think that I always expect things to be worse than they are, considering Dre passed away just days after celebrating both his and our son’s birthdays. But then again my mother always said: “Thinking comes from not knowing”, and in this case she definitely was right.
10th Annual National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar 10th Annual National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar 10th Annual National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar \| TAPS Kim Burditt This weekend, TAPS will welcome surviving parents, spouses, children, siblings, and others grieving the death of a military loved one to its 10th annual TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp on October 5 - 8, 2018. Taking place in the Tampa area at the Innisbrook Resort in Palm Harbor, Flordia, the event will focus on providing support
Love in the Kitchen Love in the Kitchen Love in the Kitchen \| TAPS Rita Catlett My son, J. Shawn Davenport, passed away two years ago from acute myeloid leukemia while actively serving in the Army National Guard. In his memory on his birthday in June, I make Shawn-Style Enchiladas and share them with my family. Shawn and I liked our enchiladas with everything: black and green olives, onions, green peppers, jalapenos, banana peppers, hot sauce, and anything else we had on hand. Shawn and I were not strict
Discover a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose by Becoming a TAPS Peer Mentor Discover a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose by Becoming a TAPS Peer Mentor Discover a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose by Becoming a TAPS Peer Mentor \| TAPS Michelle Knuppe Peer Mentors are the foundation of the TAPS mission to provide compassionate care to all those grieving the death of a military loved one. Mentors offer support in ways that only someone who has walked the unique path of military loss can provide. Survivors often express gratitude for the support they received from a me
A Life Remembered, A Tradition Continued A Life Remembered, A Tradition Continued A Life Remembered, A Tradition Continued \| TAPS Anne Murphy My son, Michael, was a career Marine. He attended flight school in Pensacola, Florida and in a beautiful ceremony, my husband proudly pinned wings on Michael’s chest. Michael flew CH46 and CH53 helicopters. It was very exciting for my husband and I to have opportunities to see him fly. In 1996, he became President Clinton’s helicopter pilot as a member of Marine Helicopter Squadron One (HMX)
Through Great Grief Comes Great Faith Through Great Grief Comes Great Faith Through Great Grief Comes Great Faith \| TAPS Elizabeth Bainbridge Editor’s note: Elizabeth made a family coat of arms for history class at her school in Maryland. She based it on her life and also used the internet to research family crests for her last name. This is a section of the paper Elizabeth wrote to go with her coat of arms. There are many parts to my Coat of Arms. The color blue represents truth and loyalty, for the one thing my family
It's a Title, Not a Life Sentence It's a Title, Not a Life Sentence It's a Title, Not a Life Sentence Shanette Booker I am a widow. That doesn't mean that I have the plague or I walk around with a scarlet letter "W" on my chest. It simply means that the man I fell in love with and married passed away. Dre was an amazing son and brother, a wonderful husband and father, and a dedicated Marine and Soldier. He put his best into everything he did and was greatly appreciated for it. He left behind a legacy and memories to be ho
A Look Back on 9/11 and TAPS Support A Look Back on 9/11 and TAPS Support A Look Back on 9/11 and TAPS Support \| TAPS Robert Pycior How One Survivor Continues to Give To Others 20 Years Later September 11, 2001, set the stage for this millennium. Looking back twenty years later, the impact of that day cannot be understated: the launch of the Global War on Terror, political changes across the globe, a transition to more heightened security, the creation of the Department of Homeland Security, and even animosity toward those wh
A Playlist for the Pandemic A Playlist for the Pandemic A Playlist for the Pandemic \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff Like most people under COVID lockdown, I am rediscovering things about myself that were buried under the stress of work, school and general adulting. One such thing is my love of a stress-induced dance party. As a kid, my dad was deployed a lot and when life became too much, my mom would announce that we needed a dance party. Cut to the two of us jumping around the living room while the B52’s blared through t
Learning to Live Again Learning to Live Again Learning to Live Again Linda Ambard I am at a Tragedy Assistance Program (TAPS) retreat this weekend. A woman said something to me that hit really close to home. She is a year and a half out from her husband’s death. She told me she feels like she is going through the motions and keeps wondering if she will feel happiness in her life again. She pondered enjoying life and looking forward to the next events unfolding. Four and a half years later, I wonder the same th
Baby Steps Baby Steps Baby Steps Dayna Wood I always try to tell myself that managing grief is all about baby steps. It took me a long time to actually eat a full meal. I spent hours hiding in the bathtub or in closets just because I didn’t want others to see me cry. Yet, I somehow managed to overcome these obstacles. Day by day I learn to cope a little more. However, it the smallest things that still get to me and have the power to send my mood spiraling downward. For example, it always blows me awa
Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting TAPS Experiences Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting TAPS Experiences Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting TAPS Experiences \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, The welcome poster that greets survivors when they enter the National Military Seminar seemed like the picture that should open this week’s Saturday Morning Message. Going to seminars are my favorite events. While I am there, I am able to chat in person with many of those who contribute to this message. In addition to the seminars, survivors have
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Carol Lane Good Morning, As 2016 comes to a close, it is time for many of us to look at where we are now on our grief journey and what has helped us. This week, survivors have shared what they are thankful for in their own lives, and TAPS has pulled together resources on the TAPS website to assist survivors during this time from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. You can re
Finding Joy in the Holidays Finding Joy in the Holidays Finding Joy in the Holidays Bunnie Jacquay Have you found joy? It is especially hard as the holiday season approaches, but occasionally I catch a glimpse. The stores are filled with decorations, the mall is filled with children waiting for a chance to speak with Santa, and my heart is filled with an overwhelming sense of dread as it battles my brain for control. As a divorcee who has buried her only child, it is easier to think of these days as just another date
On Memorial Day, We Honor Them On Memorial Day, We Honor Them On Memorial Day, We Honor Them \| TAPS Coleen Bowman Editor's Note: As we move into the month of May, we will be sharing a series of stories from survivors. To begin the month, surviving spouse Coleen Bowman shares her memories and thoughts on this sacred time, memories of the past, reflection on the present, and new traditions for the future. We invite you to share your Memorial Day thoughts or memories by sending your stories to editor@taps.org and also share o
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Father Matt Daud’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Father Matt Daud’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Father Matt Daud’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Matt Daud Faces of TAPS is a new series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. We’re kicking off this series with a reflection from Matt Daud, surviving father of USMC Cpl Christopher Daud. After spending nearly 40 years as a pilot for United Airlines, Matt retired from flying in April
Grandma's Garden of Life Grandma's Garden of Life Grandma's Garden of Life \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell Surrounded by her family, boxes of seeds and bulbs, songs of Sunday morning worship and the sound of rain on her tin roof, my Grandma’s spirit left her earthly body on the morning of my brother’s birthday in 2017. The two are forever intertwined. I’d been working at TAPS for less than two months, facilitating our backcountry expeditions and sharing the healing power of nature with my fellow survivors. Just a few
Grasping the Magnitude of the Sacrifice Grasping the Magnitude of the Sacrifice Grasping the Magnitude of the Sacrifice \| TAPS Angel Munoz My name is Angel Munoz. I am a veteran of the United States Army, and this is my family's story. Along with having the distinct honor of calling myself a veteran, I can also call myself a proud sister of three brothers who also served in the military, and they all served in this war with Iraq. The youngest of the brothers both served in Iraq as Marines and the oldest of the boys, Army Spc. Rober
Taking Back the Calendar Taking Back the Calendar Taking Back the Calendar Veronica Mora I have a love/hate relationship with the month of October for two major reasons. Topher, my wild man and only son of Art and I, was born October 11, 2005. Art, who was perfection in my eyes, was killed in Iraq defending our country in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom on 10/19/2005. The two dates are just 8 days apart. To go from the highest of the highs with the birth of a child to the lowest of lows with the death of your best
What Do I Miss the Most? What Do I Miss the Most? What Do I Miss the Most? Rachael Hill What do I miss the most? A few months ago a friend asked me what I missed the most about my husband. It was an interesting question and while I had a very quick answer for her, it wasn’t until recently that I really started to truly think about it. It’s a very thought provoking question and one that doesn’t really have one definitive answer. There are so many things that I miss… Jeff was the type of person that could command a
Saturday Morning Message: How do you share or show your grief in public? Saturday Morning Message: How do you share or show your grief in public? Saturday Morning Message: How do you share or show your grief in public? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Grief is different for everyone. In the many events that happen after a loved one passes, others may expect you to act a certain way and that can make for personal difficulty in an already stressful time. The opening picture shows two surviving parents, Suzanne and Ed Kristensen being interviewed by a CBS reporter at
Blended Families Bond Over New Holiday Traditions Blended Families Bond Over New Holiday Traditions Blended Families Bond Over New Holiday Traditions August Cabrera When Angela and I attend TAPS events together where nametags are encouraged, we get strange looks. We share a last name but don't look anything alike. We get a lot of questions, usually along the lines of, "Are you two sisters?" Photo by Morrow Photography, Abilene, Texas We both enjoy smiling and then responding, "Nope. We were married to the same man." Sometimes we explai
Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Items Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Items Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Items \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Some of the responses to the question about a comforting item included flag cases and who gave them to the family, so I thought it would be interesting to open this week’s message with the picture of the flag display sent by Winona, wife of Clifford, and the reply sent by Rebecca, mother of Nicholas, which is, “I keep my son's flag on a shelf that I had made for it. It has al
Saturday Morning Message: Gotcha! Survivors share the pranks their loved ones pulled off Saturday Morning Message: Gotcha! Survivors share the pranks their loved ones pulled off Gotcha! Survivors share the pranks their loved ones pulled off \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, This picture comes from Sue, mother of Marcus. It shows the glint in her son’s eyes as he surprised the family wearing a Santa hat. This seemed to be the perfect opening for this week’s Saturday Morning Message with the topic of pranks. At this time of uncertainty, I am glad to share me
Saturday Morning Message: The Kindest Things You Can DO for Yourself Saturday Morning Message: The Kindest Things You Can DO for Yourself Saturday Morning Message: The Kindest Things You Can DO for Yourself \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, When we are grieving, we often forget to take care of ourselves. Eating healthy snacks can be overlooked as a way to care for our health. Apples are in abundance at this time of the year and make good snacks, so I thought it would make a good opening picture for this Saturday Morning Message on the topic of being kind to o
How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One From a Distance How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One From a Distance How to Manage the Loss of a Loved One From a Distance \| TAPS Janice Miller It was difficult when my Uncle Ted died earlier this year and I was unable to attend his funeral. I felt like I couldn’t be there for my mom and the rest of the family, which added to my feelings of sadness and grief. I was, however, able to find some creative ways to help my mother and give her the support she needed. It felt like a modest effort, but I could tell
Saturday Morning Message: What Happens at the TAPS National Seminar Saturday Morning Message: What Happens at the TAPS National Seminar Saturday Morning Message: What Happens at the TAPS National Seminar Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, our discussion focused on the TAPS National Seminar. Our question asked those who have attended the event to share their experience with survivors who have not attended. TAPS National starts before anyone arrives when a group of volunteers lovingly put together materials that attendees will need for the weekend. To rea
Times Keeps On Ticking... Times Keeps On Ticking... Times Keeps On Ticking... Michele Hiester Marcum As the mom of a rambunctious elementary student, I've recently had the "pleasure" of helping him master the art of telling time. The old-fashioned way, that is - on a clock face with two swinging hands. To say this has been a frustrating process for us both would be an understatement. It seems the preference for digital format doesn't end with iPads and gaming systems but rather, extends even to this outdated skill I s
Veterans Day Reflection Veterans Day Reflection Veterans Day Reflection Janna Schaefer Veterans Day, for many, is the celebration of our men and women in uniform. For myself and family, it is the day we lost our husband, father, son, brother and friend. SSGT Stephen M. Schaefer (USAF) was 31 when he died that morning as a result of his service in Desert Storm. This Veterans Day will mark the 20th anniversary of his death. Sometimes it is as though it were yesterday and I can recall each moment, and other times it
Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes Choosing Hope: Honoring the Legacies of Our Fallen Heroes \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart My father was killed in Kabul, Afghanistan on May 18, 2010. Watching the Taliban walk the streets that he died on 11 years ago has been gut-wrenching. As a Gold Star Family member, news following the announcement of the full United States withdrawal from Afghanistan has been overwhelming. With images of violence and devastation in Kabul flooding t
Finding a Sense of Belonging In Grief Finding a Sense of Belonging In Grief Finding a Sense of Belonging In Grief \| TAPS Marilyn Weisenburg Your heart has broken into a million little pieces and you feel like you can’t take another breath. Stunned beyond your capacity to think through what you need to do next, your entire world has become utterly undone. The ability to fit the pieces back together is insurmountable. You are broken, numb, lost. The thought of ever moving forward from that moment you were told of the death of you
6 Ways The Brotherly Bond Still Exists 6 Ways The Brotherly Bond Still Exists 6 Ways The Brotherly Bond Still Exists Glenn Weaver [Editor’s Note] When a sibling dies, we lose our first friend. The person we were meant to grow old with is no longer here physically, and it can feel so lonely. But the relationship still exists. Here are six ways that help surviving sibling Glenn Weaver still connect with his brother Todd. 1. Baseball. Todd was an amazing athlete...and I wasn't. He played all sports, but baseball was one of his
Saturday Morning Message: Peer Mentor Reflections Saturday Morning Message: Peer Mentor Reflections Saturday Morning Message: Peer Mentor Reflections Carol Lane Good Morning, The TAPS Peer Mentor program is a gift for both the mentors and the survivors who become connected. At the beginning of my grief journey, TAPS was smaller and there were many who reached out to act as mentors when I called. The picture today is of my good friend, Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D., CHT, CT, GMS, and me at a TAPS National Seminar, where she spoke to everyone who was
Saturday Morning Message: What do your dreams mean? Saturday Morning Message: What do your dreams mean? Saturday Morning Message: What do your dreams mean? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Dreams don’t come to all survivors, but when they do, they are vivid. I chose this picture to open the message this week. It shows that love never goes away and a reminder can come at the strangest of times if we just look for it. It breaks through the dawn to show us that our loved ones are still with us. There are several ways the responders this week sha
Introducing Dayna Wood Introducing Dayna Wood Introducing Dayna Wood Dayna Wood At one point in my life I thought a year was a long time, and in some ways I still agree with that, but at the same time, it often feels like I blink and another year has gone by. The last 13 months have been particularly rough. My fiancé SSG Su Wan Ko was killed in an automobile accident in March 2011. The months without him have felt like years, but the time I spent with him felt too short. It seems to be a cruel joke of life. Now
Saturday Morning Message: Positive Lessons Learned Saturday Morning Message: Positive Lessons Learned Saturday Morning Message: Positive Lessons Learned Carol Lane Good Morning, The question last week was about sharing positive lessons learned on this grief journey. Lighthouses have special meaning for me. They light the way for those encountering difficulties while traveling. We do the same when we write about our experiences in the Saturday Morning Message. Sometimes we encounter these concepts in the form of surprises. This past Sunday
Saturday Morning Message: Memorable Comments Saturday Morning Message: Memorable Comments Saturday Morning Message: Memorable Comments \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, For many of us, the comments people say or the behavior of those who know that we have suffered the death of a loved one are memorable. I know before this event in my life, I had no idea the things people would say or do. The one that fascinates me to this day is when I talk about my son, Bryon, and someone will look or walk away. It is as if by not talking about it, some
Saturday Morning Message: Survivor Tips For Tough Times Saturday Morning Message: Survivor Tips For Tough Times Saturday Morning Message: Survivor Tips For Tough Times \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Compassion is the main ingredient in helping to get through tough times. The picture today shows two people just listening to each other. I have found friends from different parts of the country at a TAPS event with whom I continue to stay in contact. Last week I posted a link to finding an event close to you, but there might be something farther awa
Phil, I Am So Mad At You Phil, I Am So Mad At You Phil, I Am So Mad At You Linda Ambard Phil and I had a good marriage–a great marriage–for 23 years, but neither of us was perfect. I would say and truly believe he was a better person than I am still. We had staying power and we were both committed to our marriage through thick and thin, but there were hard times. There were many times when I felt lonely, invisible, last priority, and less of a woman. It wasn’t intentional often, but we had more children than most and
Saturday Morning Message: Showing Love to Those Around Us Saturday Morning Message: Showing Love to Those Around Us Saturday Morning Message: Showing Love to Those Around Us \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Beth, former spouse of Thomas, wrote last week about the ornament she is making symbolizing hope. I thought it would be a good picture to use for the beginning of this message since we all need to have hope in our lives. We sometimes forget to let others know that we still care for them while we are grieving. Just the simple act of a hug or liste
Saturday Morning Message: Sleeping & Grief Saturday Morning Message: Sleeping & Grief Saturday Morning Message: Sleeping & Grief Carol Lane Good Morning, Sleep. What do you do to get the rest that is needed while grieving? That was the question last week. Some survivors sleep too much and others too little. In addition to the replies that were sent in last week, it can be informative to look past articles on grief to find information. Once there, you can search for articles of importance to you. There are two magazine article
TAPS Sports & Entertainment: A Letter of Thanks TAPS Sports & Entertainment: A Letter of Thanks TAPS Sports & Entertainment: A Letter of Thanks Sam Norman Dear teams4taps, I would like to thank you for organizing yesterday’s event. My wife, kids and I went to the New England Patriots training camp event yesterday not knowing what to expect. I know that the NFL was so gracious to allow us a “VIP” status, and that you are never sure exactly what is going to happen, so we went with no expectations other than to watch our favorite team pr
Finding Meaning After Loss Finding Meaning After Loss Finding Meaning After Loss \| TAPS Michelle Collins On the one-year anniversary of my husband Glen’s death by suicide, I spread his ashes off a distinctive rocky outcropping into a small cove in south Maui. I gazed at the water, remembering our time together in this exact spot. Even after 22 years in service, most of which was spent in the SEAL teams, he referred to that little rocky cove as the place he performed “the most heroic act” of his life. He loved
Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care Saturday Morning Message: Take Good Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This is the first Saturday Morning Message for 2019, so it seemed appropriate to put a picture of a clock counting down to the new year. In an article written by Betsy Beard titled "A Year Without My Loved One In It," she lists 10 resolutions that might be appropriate for a grieving person. This week survivors shared what they are going to do to take care of themselves in the new
Understanding a Widow’s Heart, Part One Understanding a Widow’s Heart, Part One Understanding a Widow’s Heart, Part One Emma Wright Relinquishing Control Fall and Winter 2011 During the dark times in our lives—be they tragedy, loss of a loved one, illness, or abuse—our hearts build up walls as a way to protect us from further pain. How much can one heart take, after all? My husband First Lieutenant Todd Weaver died on September 9, 2010. In my own journey of loss, while simultaneously feeling comforted by knowing Todd is in Heav
I Know He's Dead, But... I Know He's Dead, But... I Know He's Dead, But... Shanette Booker Ok, I completely understand that if you are no longer breathing, have been declared dead by the medical examiner, and have a death certificate, that it means you are no longer amongst the living, have passed away, and yes that does me that you are dead. I am completely ok with the lingo and the terminology used when discussing or describing that someone has stepped into the proverbial light. That has never been an issue. I
Saturday Morning Message: Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Introductions \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Since this week the Saturday Morning Message topic is about introductions, I thought I would open with a picture of my son, Bryon, doing what he loved to do. He was a crew chief on USMC helicopters. You can see by the smile on his face that he loved it. I am going to keep my comments short this week, because there were so many wonderful memories that were shared. Please enjoy this
Saturday Morning Message: Finding Comfort in Everyday Objects Saturday Morning Message: Finding Comfort in Everyday Objects Finding Comfort in Everyday Objects \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, Stress comes along when we are confronted with something emotionally difficult. Although it can come when you least expect it, lately our nation is under a great deal of stress and we all may feel it. On top of that, we continue to experience personal grief following the loss of our loved one. This is when something we can touch or loo
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Carol Lane Good morning, This week you will read how pets have helped some survivors cope with the pain of grief. Pets can be just the comfort we need in those trying times. They remind us to take care of ourselves since they need to eat and do the typical things in the day that help organize us. They also can cuddle up and help us feel the love they give unconditionally when we are feeling down. Th
Saturday Morning Message: Our Places of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Our Places of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Our Places of Comfort Carol Lane Good Morning, The last two weeks we have shared some of the places or events that have given us comfort. It is not easy to communicate to others our special songs or original poems and paragraphs. Through the Saturday message it is hoped that we offer a safe and comfortable site to share and reach out across the miles to other survivors offering care and comfort as well as healing for o
TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS Care Groups: A Source of Connection, Hope and Healing In Your Local Community TAPS TAPS Care Groups are safe, welcoming spaces in your local area — a community of peers within your community, those who understand grief because they’re experiencing it too. And, like you, they are seeking connection, hope, and healing. For Annette Montante, the surviving aunt of U.S. Marine Corps Sgt Tristan Charles Bet
Memorial Day brings a mix of emotions Memorial Day brings a mix of emotions Memorial Day brings a mix of emotions \| TAPS Rachael Hill Memorial Day used to be simply a three-day weekend that our family spent doing some kind of adventure — camping, 4-wheeling, barbecuing, etc. Since becoming a Gold Star family however, the meaning of the day has changed dramatically. The true meaning of the day is now etched into our minds and brings with it sorrow and tears, but also pride in remembrance. Since my husband Jeff’s de
Remembering the Ride Remembering the Ride Remembering the Ride Dana O'Brien My wife received a call from our grandson whose duty station was at MCAS Miramar, Calif. He had just returned from his second tour in Iraq and his wife, who also is a Marine and had gotten orders for MCAS Beaufort, S.C. She had left her car in California and wanted Daniel to bring it to her. Grandma got off the phone and told me that Daniel was going to drive the car from San Diego to Beaufort. I asked when he was planning his adventur
Unity is What Makes Us Stronger Unity is What Makes Us Stronger Unity is What Makes Us Stronger Amy Dozier To My TAPS Family, We have had quite the journey together, haven't we? Thank you for being there for me in my darkest hours and in my brightest accomplishments. We have grown so much and found our way to accomplish things we never imagined. Yet, the world around us recently seems a sad and scary place. The discontent and lack of purpose in others, serves to remind me, yet again, how important it is to find my balanc
Saturday Morning Message Saturday Morning Message Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The Saturday message started out as a weekly letter between a few friends that met at the TAPS National seminar over a Memorial Day many years ago. This week the Saturday message will be posted on the TAPS blog as well as the TAPS Online community, and in the TAPS peer group sites. The love and support that comes through being a part of the TAPS family is wonderful. The questions that are asked apply to all survivors
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Shelley Kea's Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Shelley Keas’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Spouse Shelley Keas’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Shelley Keas Faces of TAPS is a digital content series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Shelley Keas is the surviving spouse of United States Army Staff Sergeant Jeffrey Dallas Keas, who died from cancer on July 5, 2013, while stationed at Fort Hood, Texas. Shelley has honore
Turning Devastation into Hope Turning Devastation into Hope Turning Devastation into Hope \| TAPS Carolyn Colley My brother, Army Pfc. Stephen E. Colley, was my best friend. He was smart, caring and funny. He had a huge heart – he greeted everyone with a hug and never left a conversation without a smile. I loved and admired him in so many ways. When he returned from a deployment to Iraq, he was different, and while we could tell he was suffering, we did not know just how bad it was or what we needed to do. Ultimately, the
Saturday Morning Message: Responding to Comments Saturday Morning Message: Responding to Comments Saturday Morning Message: Responding to Comments \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week there were a variety of comments about how others celebrate the lives of their loved ones on special days. They also offered strategies about coping with family members and friends who may have a different way of grieving or have opinions that hurt you deeply. I found an article from the TAPS website titled Beyond the Burst of Support written by TAPS Sui
Grief and Sleep Grief and Sleep Grief and Sleep \| TAPS Heather Stang 7 Tips to Cope with Insomnia After Loss Coping with grief isn’t easy. In addition to the emotional toll, there are a myriad of physical side effects. Sleeplessness is perhaps one of the most frustrating symptoms – when you are sleepy and can’t sleep it just adds insult to injury. While insomnia is considered a common grief reaction, sleeplessness should not be ignored, but tended to mindfully. When we don’t get enough sleep it impacts
Baseball Cards and Godwinks: Terri Jones' Story Baseball Cards and Godwinks: Terri Jones' Story Baseball Cards and Godwinks: Terri Jones' Story \| TAPS Kelly McHugh-Stewart Terri Jones doesn’t know where the baseball cards are coming from, but regardless, she keeps finding them. She spots them when she’s out mowing her lawn or walking in the corn fields around her Iowa farmhouse. The players featured on the cards she finds played mostly in the 1980’s and 90’s, the same years her son, U.S. Army SPC Jason Cooper, played ball. And they just k
TAPS Young Adults Summit: A Weekend of Hope, Connections and Possibilities TAPS NFL Young Adults Summit: A Weekend of Hope, Connections and Possibilities TAPS NFL Young Adults Summit: A Weekend of Hope, Connections and Possibilities Renee Monczynski In July, forty surviving children and siblings, ages 18 to 30, and at varying stages of their grief journey, came together with their TAPS Family in Atlanta for the TAPS NFL Young Adults Summit. These young adults came from locations across the country - some connecting with TAPS for the first time, and others who have
Art Therapy: Expressing Grief — And Hope — Through Collages Art Therapy: Expressing Grief — And Hope — Through Collages Art Therapy: Expressing Grief — And Hope — Through Collages Sharon Strouse On an exceptionally warm winter day earlier this year, I was on my way to New York. Nearly 16 years earlier, I had taken a similar train to New York’s West Side to identify my 17-year-old daughter Kristin’s body. She took her own life on October 11, 2001. That moment created a before and after and permanently altered my experience of the past, present, and f
Saturday Morning Message: The Help of Gardening Saturday Morning Message: The Help of Gardening Saturday Morning Message: The Help of Gardening \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This was the perfect question for those of us in the north who seem to be waiting a bit longer for spring to come this year. The pictures are so beautiful and I know they will bring a smile to this week’s readers. I thought I would start with last year’s picture of the garden my husband, Ed, and I maintain each year that has been set up for the military losses fro
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones On Memorial Day Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones On Memorial Day Honoring Our Loved Ones On Memorial Day \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, TAPS families from across the country will gather both in person and virtually for our 27th Annual National Military Seminar and Good Grief Camp over Memorial Day Weekend. This is always a weekend full of love and connection among survivors supporting survivors. As we come together to honor our nation's fallen heroes, our lov
Good Grief Camp Military and Legacy Mentors Good Grief Camp Military and Legacy Mentors Good Grief Camp Military and Legacy Mentors \| TAPS Lalaine Estella There are a variety of ways to volunteer or give to TAPS. Some open their wallets and give generously. Others share their talents and skills, or provide products and services that help surviving families. And then there are Military and Legacy Mentors who open their hearts and give of themselves to our youngest survivors. The heart of TAPS is our peer support network which provides
Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts for New Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts for New Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts for New Survivors Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today comes from my garden to your house. It is a picture of a rose my sister-in-law gave me for my birthday this year. This is one of the last roses of the summer season in my part of the country. I thought the rose along with an article written by Carla Stumpf-Patton titled “Seasons of Grief” would be appropriate to this week’s topic. In the article
My Flight Over Iraq My Flight Over Iraq My Flight Over Iraq Elizabeth Rozier surviving sibling, healing 2012 My Flight over Iraq A bucket list item that probably only a TAPS audience will appreciate was to visit "the spot" where my brother died.
Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, With the winter touching many parts of our nation, I thought a picture of a sunrise over a calm lake would be good start for today’s Saturday Morning Message. Once again there are many different responses to the question about places that pull at our heartstrings. This week I am going to add one of my own. For me, the most difficult place is the ch
Five Years into the After: A Letter to Owen Five Years into the After: A Letter to Owen Five Years into the After: A Letter to Owen \| TAPS Kelly Lennon Fitzpatrick Hello Little Brother, I think about you every day. I know you know that. Each year around your anniversary, the thoughts become strings of words, and I’ve tried to record my changing feelings around the times “Before” and “After.” This year, the words have changed and are less for me and more for you — my conversation with you. We feel you all around us, and are reminded of
Favorite Foods - Precious Memories Favorite Foods - Precious Memories Favorite Foods - Precious Memories \| TAPS TAPS Winter and the holiday season bring thoughts of foods that offer warmth, comfort, and remind us of cherished times with family, friends, and loved ones. Survivors recently shared some of their loved ones’ favorite dishes. These may inspire you – or make you hungry. Grab a fork and dive into these culinary delights! Angel Cheese Pie, photo courtesy of Samantha Herter. Samantha Herter, Surviving Sister of
New Year 2021 New Year 2021 New Year 2021 \| TAPS TAPS To the TAPS Family: As hard as 2020 has been, we got through it together. We realized quickly it would be an extraordinary year when doing the little things took on added significance. We were determined no one would go through this alone. We each found ways to encourage one another and TAPS expanded virtual programming to help us stay connected. Peer Mentors reached out, the TAPS Helpline was and is always available 24/7. We took care of each other…be
Blooms of Hope: Finding Strength Amid Devastation Blooms of Hope: Finding Strength Amid Devastation Blooms of Hope: Finding Strength Amid Devastation \| TAPS Ellen Andrews Twisted, battered and broken. The camellia bushes in my front yard reflected their battle with Mother Nature. To be more specific, their battle with the 150+ mph winds and torrential rain of Hurricane Michael. The storm cut a path of destruction - laying waste to structures, beautiful mighty oak trees and my camellias. My neighborhood was unrecognizable. Mountains of debri
Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture shows photos of the loved ones of those who sailed on the TAPS New England cruise. I thought it shows that our loved ones gave the gift of love just by being themselves. This week survivors share some other special presents their loved ones offered. Some are physical items and others are memories the survivors carry on to others. I know y
Anxiety? What Anxiety? Anxiety? What Anxiety? Anxiety? What Anxiety? Jenna Henderson Eight and a half years after Chris’ death in Afghanistan, had anyone told me I would be still struggling to find a sense of normalcy, I would have laughed at him or her. Had anyone told me I would be struggling with anxiety some days that almost swallows me whole in one gulp, I would not have believed it. Up until two years ago, I had never had an ounce of anxiety or experienced anxiety or panic attacks in my life, not even for Chr
Live, Laugh, Love Live, Laugh, Love Live, Laugh, Love Michele Hiester Marcum Recently, I had the privilege of browsing with friends in a rural flea market setting. As I wandered from booth to booth, up and down each gravel-packed aisle, I noticed how repetitious the vendors' offerings became. The same décor, the same clothing, the same garden supplies, the same meaningless treasures. It seems that the world is full of advice these days, on every available surface, from home to garden. If a thought has ever
Saturday Morning Message: The Warmth of Friendship Saturday Morning Message: The Warmth of Friendship Saturday Morning Message: The Warmth of Friendship Carol Lane Good morning, On this week’s TAPS Facebook page, it was suggested reading the article, “It Takes a Tribe” by Shauna Springer. The article fits today’s topic perfectly. She shares the ways a professional can give help and how we can support each other through friendship when disaster strikes. The article lists three ways that I want to explore: “Deploy the power of touch Speak
Saturday Morning Message: When Grief Awakes You Saturday Morning Message: When Grief Awakes You Saturday Morning Message: When Grief Awakes You Carol Lane Good Morning, Sleep can be difficult for many survivors after the death of a loved one. Sharing ideas among survivors may be helpful. When we are grieving, it is hard to come up with new ideas, so today we will look at a variety of thoughts survivors have sent. Caryn, mother of Nathan, wrote, "When grief wakes me, it's usually because of a realistic-type dream. I usually can't retur
Run and Remember: Running the Boston Marathon for TAPS Run and Remember: Running the Boston Marathon for TAPS Run and Remember: Running the Boston Marathon for TAPS TAPS The TAPS Run and Remember Team fields most of its runners every autumn in the annual Army 10 Miler and Marine Corps Marathon events in Washington, DC. But those aren’t our only venues. Any runner can participate in any event in any location. This year, we are proud to acknowledge two runners who supported TAPS in the prestigious Boston Marathon! Andre Karr Andre Karr was fi
Saturday Morning Message: Letting Others Know You Love Them Saturday Morning Message: Letting Others Know You Love Them Saturday Morning Message: Letting Others Know You Love Them Carol Lane Good Morning, This week’s question centered around letting others know that you love them while you are grieving the loss of an important person in your life. This is not easy - especially when you are early in your grief journey. When you are new to grief, it can be hard to focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time. What do you do? For me, I ac
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Thanksgiving Food Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Thanksgiving Food Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Thanksgiving Food \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week survivors wrote about their loved one’s favorite foods at Thanksgiving. The opening picture came from Caryn, mother of Nathan, who wrote, “Nathan and his favorite Thanksgiving meal was always one he prepared himself, beginning with this one when he was in middle school. The last Thanksgiving meal I had was the one he cooked with his Dad in 2010.
Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Helping others is something many of us do gladly, whether it is helping family members or volunteering for an organization in our community. When it comes to self-care it seems that it is much harder to put into our schedule. Grieving can be hard on our minds and bodies, so doing something for ourselves increases our ability to deal with the emotions that come. In putting together the mes
Saturday Morning Message: Coping with the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Coping with the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Coping with the Holidays \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, survivors share what has worked to help them cope as the December holiday season approaches. As you will see, each person’s experience is different and therefore the strategies they use are unique to them. I thank all of the responders this week along with those who read the Saturday Morning Message. Know that if things get too overwhelming, the TAP
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week there were many unique responses to the question about how we honor our loved ones. If you are interested in recognizing your loved one by working with TAPS on a project, look at the TAPS Volunteer Central page or TAPS Peer Mentors page. The lead photo this week shows volunteers getting TAPS information ready to be sent out. After my initial grief, I s
Grief, Joy, Hope, and Healing Grief, Joy, Hope, and Healing Grief, Joy, Hope, and Healing \| TAPS Judy Thomas Our oldest child, Nathan, was born in September, on a Sunday, which seemed fitting for someone whose name means “gift from God.” He was an easy-going baby and could sleep anywhere. He had a supportive nature and enjoyed fishing — even into adulthood. Before graduating from high school, Nathan joined the U.S. Army through the delayed-entry program. His contract was for Airborne Infantry with the 173rd A
Loving Again After the Loss of an Intimate Partner Loving Again After the Loss of an Intimate Partner Loving Again After the Loss of an Intimate Partner \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Love and intimacy are sensitive and very personal topics. Finding love again after the death of an intimate partner can be a joyous experience for those who are ready. However, this type of life transition can raise issues around trust, intimacy, and communication. It can also present unique challenges for those with children or when considering blending families.
A Garden Spade Can Help Heal A Garden Spade Can Help Heal A Garden Spade Can Help Heal Christi Larsen The Memorial Garden Tour is an annual event that supports TAPS and the Wounded Warrior Project through The Cole William Larsen Foundation, a 501(c) 3 public charity. Gardening can be such a personal journey; it’s not just about planting a seed and watching it grow. It is a process in which you tend and nurture and then stand back and watch in amazement. It can be extremely therapeutic: interacting with the plants and
Memory Boxes: Grief as a Visual Poem Memory Boxes: Grief as a Visual Poem Memory Boxes: Grief as a Visual Poem \| TAPS Susan Coti When the knock on the door came, we were very far away. We were in Australia and the flight home was the longest journey of my life, not counting the miles. I just wanted to sleep and hopefully not wake up. My son, Lance Cpl. Niall W. Coti-Sears died on June 23, 2012, after being mortally wounded by an IED in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. For the first two months following his death, I dosed myself
Saturday Morning Message: Items Our Loved Ones Left Us Saturday Morning Message: Items Our Loved Ones Left Us Items Our Loved Ones Left Us \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, A recent conversation with JoAnne, mother of Brandon, serves as the inspiration for this week’s Saturday Morning Message topic. She spoke to me about her son's love of trains, so I decided to use the photo she sent of her son with his beloved train bell as the opening image. You will read more about Brandon in the survivor response below. In t
Grief is Powerful 6 Lessons Learned Grief is Powerful 6 Lessons Learned Grief is Powerful 6 Lessons Learned Sherry Amatenstein My parents survived the Holocaust, so people who had been wrenched through horror and loss raised me. Mom spent ages 14 to 17 in a work camp, and came home to find her mother and two sisters were dead. Dad was imprisoned at Auschwitz and Dachau. Despite the pain poised just beneath the surface, my parents were role models for how to wrest joy and meaning from tragedy. Now, as a therapist, when I see
My Experience of Trauma My Experience of Trauma My Experience of Trauma Lisa Hudson Excerpted from How Do We Tell the Children by Dan Schaeffer When I went to bed on the night of October 22, 1983, my life was stable, predictable, safe, and happy. Within twenty-four hours, my world toppled, shattering into a million pieces. On October 23, the Marine Corps barracks where my husband lived was bombed, killing 241 service members as they slept. I felt terror, fear, panic, anxiety, worry, and confusion. I couldn't sle
A Lonely Cross A Lonely Cross A Lonely Cross \| TAPS Peter Duston Carrying on the Names and Stories Behind the Stones Cherryfield, Maine: The fourth-grade class in Cherryfield, Maine — a small coastal town of 1,900 where I live — has been making an annual pilgrimage to one of our small cemeteries for over 20 years — a tradition started by WWII Veteran Joe Sproul, who would share with the children the background of those buried there from the Revolutionary War to the present, including brothers killed
Saturday Morning Message: Reactions to TAPS Seminar or Retreat Saturday Morning Message: Reactions to TAPS Seminar or Retreat Saturday Morning Message: Reactions to TAPS Seminar or Retreat \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Those who responded to this week’s question were very honest. Attending a TAPS event can bring up different emotions depending where we are on our grief journey. As you read the replies, you will see that each writer talks about feelings at the time and what the experience meant to them. Several wrote about meeting others and forming a
Honor and Remember Honor and Remember Honor and Remember George Lutz We've all heard the expression that freedom isn't free. That phrase became all too real to me on December 30, 2005. I got a knock on the door from two uniformed soldiers who spoke to me five simple words that changed my life forever: “We regret to inform you.” My oldest son Tony had been killed the day before by a sniper's bullet while on patrol in Fallujah, Iraq. The word “devastation” doesn’t begin to describe the flood of emotion th
Giving Myself Grace to Trust the Grief Process Giving Myself Grace to Trust the Grief Process Giving Myself Grace to Trust the Grief Process \| TAPS Mary Leaphart Growing up, my family treasured spending time together during the holiday season. Even as my siblings and I headed off to college one-by-one, we were all expected home for the holidays and our traditions were preserved. But, when my brother joined the Army and received an assignment in Germany, our tradition became harder to keep. One Christmas Eve, Mom, Dad, my two sisters an
Saturday Morning Message: Finding Healing Through Volunteering Saturday Morning Message: Finding Healing Through Volunteering Saturday Morning Message: Finding Healing Through Volunteering Carol Lane Good morning, Volunteers are fundamental in any organization. TAPS uses volunteers in a variety of ways. At the seminars, there are those who come to TAPS to do any project needed to be done. Good Grief Camp mentors for TAPS children are active duty or veteran service members who volunteer their time. Then there are those survivors who are more than 18 mont
Suggested Books for Grieving Adults Suggested Books for Grieving Adults Suggested Books for Grieving Adults Jonnie Chandler Editor’s Note: Our last issue featured books for children, and the issue before that listed books for teens. This article features books for adults. Some of them are specific to parental grief, while others are more general and incorporate all losses. I now tell time by before and after. Before two Army Captains knocked on my door on August 11, 2005, I was an avid reader. I loved having the words of even
You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Four You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Four You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Four \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Editor's Note This is part four of a six-part series adapted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt's book, You're Not Crazy — You're Grieving. Parts one through three were published in the summer 2023, fall 2023, and spring 2024 issues of TAPS Magazine. Telling Your Stories Helps You Survive Telling your stories of love and loss helps you survive. The more you allow you
Saturday Morning Message: Marking Special Days Saturday Morning Message: Marking Special Days Saturday Morning Message: Marking Special Days \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, As the November and December holidays come along, I thought I would share this article from the fall TAPS Magazine that made me think of the family we have become. In the article, "The Critical Importance of Seeking Support", the author, Alan Wolfelt, lists his observations of Canadian geese as they fly many miles to their winter destination. Then he relates his thoug
Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Saturday Morning Message: Handling Paperwork Carol Lane Good morning, There are two ideas that came to me when I thought about Annette’s question, “What have you done with your loved one’s paperwork?” This picture shows survivors at one of the TAPS seminars, attending a workshop to create pages for a scrapbook about their loved ones. Perhaps each piece of paperwork could be mounted on a page with pictures or drawings pasted around it. Another insp
Now I’m Older Now I’m Older Now I’m Older Stephanie Frogge Passing the Age of a Sibling Who Died When Robert’s older brother was killed in Iraq, his family described him as “stoic.” Having served a tour of duty himself, Robert knew the risks but also knew his older brother was doing work he loved. Over the next two years Robert seemed to be coping well, seeking counseling for a few months and going back to school to finish his degree. Shortly after graduation, even after landing a lucrative position in hi
What Do You Say, Dear? What Do You Say, Dear? What Do You Say, Dear? TAPS Handling Holiday Invitations If you would like to receive the TAPS Saturday Morning Message each week, please ask to be added to our list by writing to online@taps.org. The winter holiday season arrives each year just when we may feel like pulling the covers over our heads and ignoring it altogether. Invitations to parties and festive events arrive like clockwork. We are torn because we are not sure if we are ready to celebrate,
Adventures Give Us Strength in the Wilderness of Grief Adventures Give Us Strength in the Wilderness of Grief Adventures Give Us Strength in the Wilderness of Grief \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell When grief halts everything we once knew, we are asked to pause, reflect, and then rebuild. Planning and preparation are the gateway to discovering something new outside of who we are — learning to step into what we can become if we simply keep going. On TAPS Expeditions, we explore the wilderness of our earth and of our grief. We discover the ways in which the
The Art of Healing The Art of Healing The Art of Healing Sharon Strouse National Suicide Survivor Seminar I lay in bed with my eyes closed this Monday morning, this ninth anniversary of my daughter Kristin’s death. She ended her life on October 11, 2001. She was just 17 years old, a freshman at Parsons School of Design in New York City, with dreams of being a fashion designer. She succumbed to a misdiagnosed bi-polar illness, an illness that reared its head in January of her senior year, an illness we did not
Book Shelf: Unremarried Widow Book Shelf: Unremarried Widow Book Shelf: Unremarried Widow Joanne Steen Artis Henderson's Unremarried Widow (Simon & Schuster, 2014) is her honest, gripping memoir about a fresh, bold love sandwiched between two eerily similar tragedies. I devoured this book with head-nodding agreement, and I am certain every military widow will find an abundance of ways to identify with it. Traumatic death came calling early in Artis's life when her father, a pilot, was killed in the crash of his single-e
Saturday Morning Message: Books That Have Helped Us Saturday Morning Message: Books That Have Helped Us Books That Have Helped Us \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The man in the photo is reading a book, "Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death", written by TAPS President and Founder Bonnie Carroll and world renowned grief educator and author Dr. Alan Wolfelt. It is designed to offer encouragement and bring comfort to those who read it. Sometimes it is hard to find a book that you would like to read, so t
Another Chapter of a Father's Journey Another Chapter of a Father's Journey Another Chapter of a Father's Journey Bob Bagosy It's been three years and eight months since Tommy took his life on May 10, 2010, but who's counting? We all are. Everyone who had a son or daughter killed in action in Iraq or Afghanistan, by accident at home, or by suicide. We all remember the date and time. It goes back to all the wars our country has fought. At times we cry for the loss of what might have been…the marriage and grandchild that will never
Climbing the Mountain of Grief Side by Side Climbing the Mountain of Grief Side by Side Climbing the Mountain of Grief Side by Side \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell These past few months, we’ve been called to focus on what’s really important. We’ve been physically distancing from our friends, loved ones and strangers to protect them and ourselves. We’ve strategized our outings for basic needs like groceries, healthcare, fresh air and sanity. Our 2020 Mount Kilimanjaro Expedition team returned home from the rooftop of Africa, the peak of the mount
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Books on Grief Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Books on Grief Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Books on Grief \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors have sent titles of books that have helped them as they grieve. I thought I would start with an excerpt from the book “Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death,” written by Bonnie Carroll, president and founder of TAPS and Alan Wolfelt, PhD. "For many people, it is restorative and energizing to spend time outside." You may find natu
Sibling Revelry Sibling Revelry Sibling Revelry Michele Hiester Marcum Co-conspirators. Confidants. Comrades. Alternately friend and foe. Two apples from the very same tree. Two peas tucked in a single pod. That was us, my brother and me… Here’s where I’d like to elaborate on our quiet, idyllic childhood, leisurely painting the words in feathery pastel strokes with a gentle hand. But I can’t. Life at the Hiester house was vibrant and hectic and boisterous and always, always full. Neighborhood kids flocked
Saturday Morning Message: Special Memories Saturday Morning Message: Special Memories Saturday Morning Message: Special Memories Carol Lane Good morning, Sharing special memories about your loved one can be helpful for you, and it also allows others to get to know your cherished person. As you will see in the responses this week, there are a variety of ways to share those memories. Sometimes writing is good, but with technology, you can also use video or pictures if you find writing is too difficult right now. In that way, you can p
Understanding A Widow’s Heart, Part Two Understanding A Widow’s Heart, Part Two Understanding A Widow’s Heart, Part Two Emma Wright Talking About the Hard Stuff Summer 2012 I could be setting myself up for failure as most of what has been weighing on my mind is difficult to discuss. The repercussions could intensify how alienated I feel, but in some lengthy conversations with my personal advisor (Mom), I was gently reminded that if we don't talk about the hard stuff, we don't change the hard stuff. Since last year's globa
Run and Remember: Finding Our Stride Run and Remember: Finding Our Stride Run and Remember: Finding Our Stride Marie Campbell How the Marine Corps Marathon became a fundraiser for TAPS On June 25, 1996, at three o’clock in the morning, my life changed forever when three Air Force officials knocked on my door to tell me that my husband and best friend, Dee “Soup” Campbell, was one of nineteen Airmen who did not survive a terrorist attack at the Khobar Towers Military Housing Complex in Saudi Arabia. I couldn’t comprehend this, s
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Memories \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week comes from the 2017 Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp. Each attendee was asked to provide a picture of his/her loved one for the board decked with trees. Then when we met by the board, we could point out our loved one’s picture and perhaps share a memory. I thought this would be an appropriate picture to use in a Saturday Morn
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Part Two Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Part Two Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Part Two Carol Lane Good Morning, Helping yourself when you are grieving may not seem like a priority, but this week survivors continued to share strategies that have helped them take care of themselves during these difficult times. There were so many responses to this question that the replies were carried over for two weeks. Read what others have done to help themselves while honoring their loved ones and chos
An Etiquette for Grief An Etiquette for Grief An Etiquette for Grief \| TAPS Crystal Gromer This article was previously published in the March 1996 issue of Vogue magazine and the Summer 1996 issue of TAPS Magazine. On a hot night in July 19 years ago, my husband Mark died. He was 24 years old. He was smart and witty and bright, he had thick brown hair that he pushed off his forehead and that shone auburn and a little gold in the light, and he loved me, of that I have no doubt. In all the pictures I have of him
The Hike to Healing The Hike to Healing The Hike to Healing Gavin Bradshaw Cory J. Smith. The man that would unknowingly send me to Alaska to be surrounded by the love and support of others on the grief journey like me. I have been a part of the TAPS family for many years, but never have I shared a bond like this with another group of adult children. We traveled to the "Last Frontier," not knowing quite what to expect and maybe for a few, like myself, questioning what exactly we were hoping to get out of this
In Search of Joy In Search of Joy In Search of Joy Darcie Sims Finding Your Way Through the Darkness Do you know how long it took me to allow laughter and joy to return to my life? Do you know how far it is from this side of the page to your side? Do you know how difficult it is to write about death? It was a long journey. It took me thirty years to get from your side of this page to mine...a long time...actually a whole lifetime! I liked my other life. In fact, I loved it! I hadn't intended to be h
Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Traditions Old or New? Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Traditions Old or New? Holiday Traditions Old or New? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, As the season turns from summer to fall and we begin to look ahead to the holiday season, we are faced with decisions about continuing holiday traditions or starting something new. I smiled as I read the variety of responses that came in this week. Those who are thinking about what to do during this difficult time of social isolation along with thos
Reconnecting With Our Military Family After Loss Reconnecting With Our Military Family After Loss Reconnecting With Our Military Family After Loss \| TAPS Elizabeth Culp Sergent I remember the day Brian came home from work and asked if we could talk. He had tossed around the idea of enlisting in the Army a few times in the 7 years we had already been married, and I had always shrugged it off as a daydream and nothing to be concerned with. But that evening in September 2006 was different. He was different. He had already looked into his Milit
Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved One's Thoughts Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved One's Thoughts Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved One's Thoughts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, For many of us, it is winter, so I thought this picture of a beach at sunset in the summertime might be the perfect way to take many of us out of the dreary winter weather to contemplate questions such as what our loved ones might say if they were here today. When we answer this question, we celebrate how our loved ones lived their lives. Sharing these tho
Semper Fi Moments Semper Fi Moments Semper Fi Moments Bob Bagosy On September 27, 1966, I found myself standing in line with a room full of nude men waiting for an induction physical at 401 North Broad Street, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. After being cleared by a naval doctor, I raised my right hand and repeated the oath of office to defend the constitution of the United States and became a U.S. Marine Corps recruit. The man standing to my left, or should I say boy because we were both 18 years old, was Danny
Saturday Morning Message: Personalized Memorials Express Your Special Relationship Saturday Morning Message: Personalized Memorials Express Your Special Relationship Saturday Morning Message: Personalized Memorials Express Your Special Relationship \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, There are days during the year that commemorate the special connection we have with our loved ones. Last week Dianna, wife of Thomas, wanted to know what others do on those days. In addition to the responses from other survivors, I wanted to share what we do. My husband and I joined a gardening gr
Saturday Morning Message: Priority Changes That Celebrate the Life Saturday Morning Message: Priority Changes That Celebrate the Life Saturday Morning Message: Priority Changes That Celebrate the Life Carol Lane Good Morning, Many survivors look for something to celebrate the lives of their loved one that they might not have done or they shift the way they look at things after a loved one dies. Today we share some ideas that others have tried. Please feel free to try the ones that interest you. Going to an event that like a TAPS seminar or retreat woul
To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem… To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem… To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem… TAPS Advice from TAPS Survivors For many of us, sleep patterns are disrupted after the death of a loved one, whether the trouble is lack of sleep or too much sleep. Sometimes we toss and turn, waiting for sleep to overtake us. Other times we waken suddenly in the middle of the night, heart racing and thoughts whirling. And sometimes we just want to pull the covers over our heads and ignore the
Survivors and supporters ‘Rally to Prevent Suicide’ on Capitol Hill Survivors and supporters ‘Rally to Prevent Suicide’ on Capitol Hill Survivors and supporters Rally to Prevent Suicide on Capitol Hill \| TAPS Matt Mabe TAPS survivors, staff, and volunteers joined a rally at the U.S. Capitol this week focused on suicide prevention. In all, some 750 people gathered from the around the region to hear speeches, wave signs and make noise in support of policy proposals to curb the growing national suicide rate. The National Council for Suicide Prevention hosted the
Saturday Morning Message: Loved Ones' Items We Keep Close Saturday Morning Message: Loved Ones' Items We Keep Close Loved Ones' Items We Keep Close \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The opening picture came from Elsie, mother of Daniel. It shows the special remembrance quilts she made which you will read about in this week's response section. We received a large response to this week's question, regarding our loved ones' items that we keep nearby. So many, in fact, that we are sharing some in this week's edition of the Sat
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Photos and Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Photos and Introductions Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Photos and Introductions Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, survivors sent pictures of their loved ones and wrote a bit about the picture, so I thought I would share a picture of my son, Bryon. He was a helicopter crew chief for the Marines. A friend took this picture when they were in the air, and it shows how much he loved what he was doing. I will remember that smile and the excitement in his
Traveling with Wreaths Across America Traveling with Wreaths Across America Traveling with Wreaths Across America Jill Stephenson My only child, Corporal Benjamin Kopp, an Army Ranger, died on July 18, 2009 of wounds he suffered during his third deployment in 2009. In his final wishes, he requested that he be laid to rest at Arlington National Cemetery. This made perfect sense to me, and although I live in Minnesota, I didn’t hesitate to honor his wish. Several months later, people began asking me if I was coming back to Arli
The Honorable Celestial Discharge The Honorable Celestial Discharge The Honorable Celestial Discharge Colleen Betlach New terminology to bring comfort and hope As the holiday season approaches and our thoughts turn to holiday music, miracles, lights, and angelic hosts, I am reminded of a Thanksgiving night that I experienced many years ago while working at a VA Medical Center (VAMC). It was then that I first heard of an Honorable Celestial Discharge. I began my work at a VAMC shortly after my own Honorable Medical Dischar
The Unicorn Song “The Unicorn” Song “The Unicorn” Song \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg The Story Behind the TAPS Tradition In nearly any other room, anywhere else in the world, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, with four stars resting on each shoulder, would project effortless confidence — the product of decades of military service that demanded coolness under pressure, being able to read situations quickly and accurately, and always being ready to face challenges. That was not the case when Genera
Hershel Woodrow "Woody" Williams Hershel Woodrow "Woody" Williams Tribute to Hershel Woodrow "Woody" Williams \| TAPS TAPS An American Hero and Friend to Gold Star Families This summer, our community lost a hero who had become a familiar face to surviving military families. Hershel "Woody" Williams was a Marine whose uncommon valor was equaled by his uncommon kindness. A Medal of Honor recipient, his compassion and his peer-based understanding of loss and grief were learned at a young age and only grew during World War II
TAPS Friendsgiving TAPS Friendsgiving TAPS Friendsgiving TAPS As we move further into Fall, we begin ushering in the holiday season and are reminded of the importance of family and community. This Fall, we are creating local, one day events across the country where survivors can connect and acknowledge the bittersweet nature of the holidays and the range of emotions that can come along with them. We call this TAPS Friendsgiving. Together, we will tell the stories of those who left empty seats at the table, and
TAPS Peer Mentor Honors Son by Earning College Degree TAPS Peer Mentor Honors Son by Earning College Degree TAPS Peer Mentor Honors Son by Earning College Degree \| TAPS TAPS After four years and a half years of late-night study sessions, writing research papers, and sitting in lecture halls, Joanne Staral was relieved to finally be able to put on a cap and gown, walk across the stage, and receive her college diploma. But Joanne wasn’t the typical college graduate. She wasn’t a twenty-something entering the real world for the first time. Instead
Book Shelf: “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” Book Shelf: “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” Book Shelf: “I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye” TAPS By Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. Reviewed by TAPS Peer Mentor Karen Connell My family therapist through the VA gave me the book, "I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One.” I really wish I had read this book earlier. Authors Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D. have both experienced loss and trauma in their lives, and they used the
Loving Two Men at Once Loving Two Men at Once Loving Two Men at Once \| TAPS Heather Gray Blalock I assessed my hair and makeup in the rearview mirror one last time and took a deep breath as we exited the car. The kids had scribbled “Welcome Home” on the back side of a roll of wrapping paper and were taking turns whacking each other with it. In the mad dash for the airport, we had forgotten the American flags we normally bring to homecomings, and I chided myself for not being better prepared. My fiancé was coming ho
Pets and Grief: Can Our Animals Help Us Heal After Loss? Pets and Grief: Can Our Animals Help Us Heal After Loss? Pets and Grief: Can Our Animals Help Us Heal After Loss? \| TAPS Stephanie Frogge When the TAPS Helpline staff has a chance to connect every few days, we share information and updates, and we check in with each other — how are you, how is the week going, how is your family? And we know that family most definitely includes Niki’s 40-pound bulldog mutt who thinks she’s a lap dog, Maggie; my own Luna Cat, who is only sociable when I’m on Zo
Summer Reading List for Kids Summer Reading List for Kids Summer Reading List for Kids Jonathan Kirkendall I was lucky enough to have a mom that loved to read to us as we grew up, so it’s no surprise that when I began as a group leader at Good Grief Camps, I turned to books to help the kids talk about their own grief. Over the years, I come back to many of the same books over and over again. My strong suggestion is that you read them first before reading them out loud to your kids – some of them are very moving! The F
Close In Our Memories, Forever In Our Hearts Close In Our Memories, Forever In Our Hearts Close In Our Memories, Forever In Our Hearts Leila Murray My name is Leila Murray, widow of LCDR Gary E. Murray, Ret. USN. Gary was a 30 year veteran of the U.S. Navy and highly-decorated. He served in Desert Shield, Desert Storm, and other conflicts of war. While serving his Country, he received (5) Navy Commendation Medals, (5) Navy and Marine Corps Achievement Medals, (8) Sea Service Deployment Ribbons, (2) National Defense Service Medals, (3) G
Both Sides Now: A true story of love, loss and bold living Both Sides Now: A true story of love, loss and bold living Both Sides Now: A true story of love, loss and bold living Bevin Landrum Watching our loved one pass away after a long illness is a grueling nightmare that ushers in change in an expected, but still devastating manner. Many TAPS families have endured just this type of heartbreak. In the pages of Nancy Sharp’s book, “Both Sides Now,” they will find a blend of love, humor and reminiscence that begins to unravel the jumbled life we all f
Saturday Morning Message: Online Support Saturday Morning Message: Online Support Saturday Morning Message: Online Support Carol Lane Good morning, This picture comes from the new TAPS website. When you need support, this is the place to look. Everything TAPS has to offer is listed here. Some of the listings are the helpline that is available 24/7 at 800-959-TAPS (8277), upcoming events and resources such as casework or the survivor care team. There are also a variety of programs, including the TAPS Online Community, which links yo
Poppy Field Poppy Field Poppy Field \| TAPS Joan Donaldson When our son, the late SGT Mateo Donaldson was in high school, he and his brother, Carlos, maintained a bee business of 100 hives. The bees pollinated our blooming blueberry bushes, and our sons also rented their hives to a pumpkin farmer. During a family discussion, the lads explained how after the spring flowers and orchards bloomed, a nectar valley limited their bees from finding adequate food. We tossed out various solutions, and after researc
Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, One thing that many survivors think is helpful is a listening ear. That is where our TAPS family is so special. We are just waiting to hear about your loved one and offer you support when you most need it. There are so many ways TAPS can help you as you walk on this grief journey. This picture was taken at the Northeast Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in New Jer
Very Important Document Very Important Document Very Important Document \| TAPS Diego Rincon Kristi Stolzenberg Ideliz Mora-Cruz This article is available in English and Spanish. (Este artículo está disponible en inglés y español.) FORWARD: PFC Diego Rincon died on foreign soil on March 29, 2003, proudly wearing a U.S. Army uniform, but he was not a U.S. citizen. He was just 5 years old in 1989 when he immigrated to the United States with his older brother and his parents, Jorge and Yolanda. The
Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on Napping Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on Napping Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on Napping \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Survivors find that sleep can be difficult when grieving. Sometimes taking a nap can be helpful especially when sleep escapes us during the night. Napping is one of the things we naturally do as children, but not as adults. I have found it helpful when I have had a rough night or I need to stay up later than usual, like when I moderate a TAPS online chat. Napping isn’t
Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites Saturday Morning Message: Thanksgiving Favorites \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote about their loved one’s favorite foods at Thanksgiving. The opening picture came from Caryn, mother of Nathan, who wrote, “Nathan and his favorite Thanksgiving meal was always one he prepared himself, beginning with this one when he was in middle school. The last Thanksgiving meal I had was the one he cooked with his Dad in 2010.” Enjoy
Living the Legacy: Picture the Fallen Living the Legacy: Picture the Fallen Living the Legacy ~ Picture the Fallen Jessica Dumont-Oatman It has recently occurred to me that we—all of us American citizens—are the legacy of our American soldiers. We owe them our lives—lives that must be lived to their fullest potential. And this is the greatest tribute we could possibly give. ~ Annette Bridges, freelance writer from Texas. A picture is worth a thousand words. That’s all I need to say when someone views the photo of my brother’
Attending Funerals After Loss Attending Funerals After Loss Attending Funerals After Loss Bevin Landrum When our hearts are newly broken and the magnitude of our losses seems insurmountable, it is hard to think beyond the surreal moments of your own hero's memorial service, wake or funeral. Whether your loved one is laid to rest in Arlington National Cemetery or under a tall oak in the family cemetery plot, that location and experience is consuming. You feel as if you will never attend another funeral again. How could you
Saturday Morning Message: Survivors Offer Support to New Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Survivors Offer Support to New Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Survivors Offer Support to New Survivors Carol Lane Good Morning, Survivors talked this week about ways to support those who are new to the path of grief. Some great answers were written and those who replied also shared their feelings about the journey as they continue. Most of them considered having someone to listen as the top priority and I would agree with that as well. There were some other int
Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Inside the TAPS Good Grief Camp Heather Campagna Many people wonder just what takes place within the borders of a TAPS Good Grief Camp…and adult survivors have often said it looks like more fun to be on the kid’s side of our national gathering! Undeniably, the Good Grief Camp involves events that can lighten young hearts, but all of our activities are also specially selected to offer a safe place for each child to “just be” wherever they are in their grief. Tha
A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps \| TAPS Elizabeth Engleman-Hammett U.S. Army Specialist Tyler Brent Hammett It was Super Bowl Sunday, February 2, 2014. My family and I were settled in front of the television watching the game, as we do every Sunday during football season. It wasn’t quite half-time, rather late in the day, so we were a little more than perplexed to hear someone knock on our front door. In th
Healing Through Writing Healing Through Writing Healing Through Writing Artis Henderson When my husband CW2 Miles Henderson was killed in Iraq in November 2006, I felt like I had lost everything. Miles was my best friend, my teammate, the reason I got up every morning. Without him, I couldn't imagine a future. Or any future I wanted to be part of. After months of a grief so blinding I could barely function, I realized with great sadness that my life was still going, even without Miles. I started to understand that
Widow Shares Marine’s Story Widow Shares Marine’s Story Widow Shares Marine’s Story Kim Ruocco Widow Shares Marine’s Story to Save Others From Suicide, Helps Families Left Behind Kim Ruocco regularly relives her darkest days – her husband’s suicide and the downward spiral that led to it – to save other military families from the same heartbreak. Speaking to standing-room-only audiences at the Natick Soldier Systems Center, Ruocco described the chain of events that led to Marine Corps Maj. John Ruocco’s death in Februa
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Carol Lane Good Morning, This past week, I attended the 23rd Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in the D.C. area. TAPS Seminars are a time of reflection and connection as we talk with other survivors who walk this journey with us. It is great to meet others in person who have been a part of the Online Community throughout the year. TAPS has given its website a
A Child's Experience of Trauma A Child's Experience of Trauma A Child's Experience of Trauma Lisa Hudson My son's experience has been unique. Will never knew his father, yet he has experienced the grief of absence, growing up without a father. It surfaced first when he went to first grade and recognized that other boys had dads who went fishing with them, did Cub Scout projects and campouts, let them help around the house, or played football in the backyard. It surfaced again between his sixteenth and seventeenth year,
The Power of the Media and Messaging The Power of the Media and Messaging Kim Ruocco's Story of Hope - TAPS News Kim Ruocco It’s been 11 years since my husband died by suicide. It has been a journey of excruciating pain and devastating loss but it has also been a journey of immense growth and a new understanding of the world around me. Like most suicide survivors I have a burning desire to understand why this happened to my loving husband and a need prevent this from happening to another military family. My first instinct was
Letters from TAPS: From the Peer Mentor Team Letters from TAPS: From the Peer Mentor Team Letters from TAPS: From the Peer Mentor Team Claire Hunter Dear TAPS family, Spring is upon us and soon we will see the trees and flowers begin to blossom. We’ll begin to see signs of new growth everywhere we look, and we will feel a noticeable difference between the seasons of winter and spring. As I approach spring and the concept of new growth, I am immediately reminded of our team of TAPS peer mentors. As members of the TAPS family, m
John Jarecki, Good Grief Camp mentor and TAPS supporter John Jarecki, Good Grief Camp mentor and TAPS supporter John Jarecki, Good Grief Camp mentor and TAPS supporter \| TAPS Lalaine Estella While reading his local paper on Memorial Day weekend in 2010, John Jarecki came across an article about TAPS Good Grief Camp. “There’s a camp for children who lost a loved one in the military?” he thought to himself. He was shocked to realize there was an organization for people just like him. He immediately drove over to the Arlington hotel where the TAPS
Saturday Morning Message: I'm OK. but... Saturday Morning Message: "I'm OK. but..." I'm OK. but... \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, Since tomorrow is Fathers’ Day, the opening picture is of James and his son, Andrew, when the family went on a vacation to New Jersey and played miniature golf and Rally Ball. Although this week’s question is about remembering things our loved ones said, I thought you would enjoy seeing the picture of the these two smiling vacationers. Sometimes the things our loved ones say st
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Remembrances Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Remembrances Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Remembrances \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture came from the article "Out of Tragedy," written by Bonnie Carroll, surviving spouse of Brigadier Gen. Tom Carroll and founder of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors that describes how this organization came to be. I thought it would be a good article to share in the Memorial Day edition of the Saturday Morning Message. On Memorial Day
6 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Widow 6 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Widow 6 Things I Wish I Knew as a New Widow August Cabrera Beginning the widow walk is a struggle, but there are some basic truths that would have helped me navigate those first few months with maybe a bit more grace and certainly more confidence. Here’s what I’ve learned since then, in hopes of making the start of your grief journey a tiny bit easier. 1. You can’t screw this up. People will judge, you’ll be looked at strangely, and the worst part is that t
Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on a New Year Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts on a New Year Carol Lane Good Morning, It is a new year and for many people that means making resolutions that involve revising our present pattern of behavior or adding something to it. Before changing things, we need to ask if our lives will benefit from changing our behavior or continuing in the same way. When I ask myself questions like that, I find it most helpful to read or ask what others think to get some new ideas. The latest TAPS Magazine include
Welcome Home Welcome Home Welcome Home Donna Elm Creating a New Family Refuge We are psychologically tethered to those we love. When they die, we are cut loose from those firm moorings, so we feel adrift, disoriented. When people ask how we are doing, the answer is certain: “We are lost.” We lost Mike on October 14, 2011. On a mission in Afghanistan, he never saw the IED buried in the dirt that he was crossing. We were notified the next morning. For the previous ten months, I had been on the edge of m
Saturday Morning Message: Learning About Ourselves After Loss Saturday Morning Message: Learning About Ourselves After Loss Learning About Ourselves After Loss \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The opening photo today comes from the TAPS article, “Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes,” written by Rachael Hill. In the article, Rachael Hill writes about taking the talent she had for filing her family’s annual tax return and teaching her children how to accomplish this task since her husband’s annuity comes in their names.
Run and Remember: A Special Connection Run and Remember: A Special Connection Run and Remember: A Special Connection Bob Derga Lisa Arnold Each year the TAPS Run and Remember Team pairs willing runners with families of the fallen whose loved ones will be commemorated by the run. As our largest running event of the year, the Marine Corps Marathon (MCM) in October fields the most runners and therefore makes the most connections between families and runners. Last year Lisa Arnold, a mother of five young boys, ran the MCM in h
On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Are You Doing? On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Are You Doing? On a Scale of 1 to 10, How Are You Doing? \| TAPS Stewart Farrell A family shares their unique way of checking in on each other. They know they should say something. They know they should ask. They want you to know they care, and yet, they can’t quite find the right words. And so they ask the same old, tired question, “how are you?” You want to answer. You want to tell them how you feel. You want to share with someone the pain you are experiencing
12 Years of Grief 12 Years of Grief 12 Years of Grief \| TAPS Kaitlyn Branson Editor’s note: Today is Children's Grief Awareness Day. Throughout this month, we are featuring stories from surviving children, grief professionals and TAPS staff to draw attention to the needs of grieving children, their experiences and how best to support them. This essay first appeared on the author's Facebook page. As many of you know, I lost my dad 12 years ago. I want to start by saying this post focuses completely on ON
Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Adjustments Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Adjustments Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Adjustments Carol Lane Good Morning, The holiday season officially starts with Halloween, so today's picture is from my yard with the leaves turning color. Many people have a hard time with the holidays that occur in December. Today survivors shared what they have done to help them go through this season. In addition, you might want to read an article written by Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D, CHT, CT, GMS in a past TAPS m