Finding My Place: A Story of Loss, Love, and Belonging

Katie Travis, surviving partner of Sergeant Christian Hipsley, shares her journey of invisible or "disenfranchised grief" after his death by suicide in 2014. Katie found deep healing, community, and purpose at a TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar four years later. She is now a TAPS staff member and peer mentor, dedicated to acknowledging every military survivor's loss.

Christian wasn’t my husband — but he was the love of my life. He was an active-duty Army combat medic with quiet strength and a wicked sense of humor. We planned a future together that would never unfold. 

When he died by suicide in 2014, I didn’t just lose the man I loved. I lost a lifetime of could-have-beens.

Because we weren’t married, the military didn’t recognize me as part of his life. I wasn’t next of kin. I wasn’t notified of memorials. I wasn’t eligible for the benefits he paid into for our future. 

I was invisible in my own grief.  Shattered and trying to simply survive the pain of loss, disenfranchised grief quietly eroded my sense of self. My world grew very small. I moved back into my parents’ house, slept endlessly,  and cried to the point of exhaustion every day. Grief drained every cell in my body.

Depleted, I had to learn how to function in a world without Christian. I poured myself into my education, a career in the mental health field, and advocating for military members and their families. I told myself I was OK — that I had handled my grief.  

Four years after losing my partner, Sergeant Christian Hipsley, to suicide, I attended my first TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar, believing I was “fine” and only there to gather resources to support others. What I found was a community that saw me as a survivor, validated my grief, and honored my love for Christian. I found deep healing that I didn’t realize I still needed.

My true healing journey began that weekend. It is what empowered me to return to TAPS years later to mentor other survivors. It’s why I’m proud to be a TAPS staff member today, welcoming every military survivor — regardless of who they lost, acknowledging their loss, providing community, and giving them a space to heal. 

Pass It On

If you’re inspired by Katie’s story and looking for a way to support TAPS while you support fellow survivors and honor your hero, learn how you can fundraise for TAPS. 

PHOTO: Katie Travis