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Three families honor loved ones at the Super Bowl Three families honor loved ones at the Super Bowl Three families to honor loved ones at the Super Bowl \| TAPS TAPS Survivors Michelle Taylor, left, and Amy Dozier and their children received tickets to the Super Bowl in Atlanta. Photo: Pablo Piedra Three TAPS surviving families were in attendance at Super Bowl LIII honoring their fallen military heroes. Two of the families earned their tickets to the big game at last week’s NFL Pro Bowl in Orlando, Florida. Michelle and Jake Taylor,
Photos: teams4taps Arizona teams4taps Super Bowl Week Super Bowl Week in Glendale, Arizona \| TAPS TAPS Media Download and view more high resolution images on Flickr » (9 photos) //
Living the Legacy: Let the Good Days Come Living the Legacy: Let the Good Days Come Living the Legacy ~ Let the Good Days Come Gordon Bolar One of the things that someone said to me shortly after Matthew died in 2007 was this: “There will be some good days and there will be some bad days. Let the good days come and enjoy them.” I didn't believe it at the time but it turned out to be true. When I first heard these words in the wake of losing my son, I wasn't the most optimistic person on the planet. But lately there have been some
6th Annual TAPS Celebrity Classic 6th Annual TAPS Celebrity Classic 6th Annual TAPS Celebrity Classic Christine Burtt TAPS is grateful for the time and energy that the Cottrells and their team of volunteers put forth each year for the annual TAPS Celebrity Classic. We are humbled by their dedication and thankful for their support. The 6th Annual TAPS Celebrity Classic in Colorado, hosted by Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers, exceeded expectations both in terms of the fun factor and by the $500,000 raised for the Trag
Country Star Donates Proceeds to TAPS Country Star Donates Proceeds to TAPS Country Star Donates Proceeds to TAPS TAPS Traditional Country singer, Shane Owens, continues to touch audiences with his moving patriotic tribute song “19.” Since Memorial Day, Shane has been donating 100% of the net proceeds from the single to TAPS. In December, Shane will join our survivors at the San Diego Regional Seminar where he will perform a private concert for TAPS families on Sunday. Shane will also spend time meeting the courageous families o
Camaraderie and Comfort Camaraderie and Comfort Camaraderie and Comfort \| TAPS TAPS In small towns and big cities, at a coffee shop in a quiet room—the comfort and camaraderie of your TAPS family is right around the corner and close to home. Whether you want to talk about your grief and gain insight into how others are coping, share a casual visit or participate in an activity where you can enjoy the sights and sounds of nature—the love and care of TAPS is present where you live, work and play. TAPS Togethers and
Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The replies sent in response to the question about summer memories this week were wonderful. When I read them, I got a picture in my mind of the places described. One survivor, Debby RM, spouse of Tom, sent a picture of Lake Tahoe to go along with one of her memories. I thought it would make a good opening for this week’s message. Debby wrote, “Lake Tahoe is where Tom and I we
Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Finding Hope Amid Devastating Loss: A Military Widow Who Lost her Marine to Suicide Shares Her Story Kim Ruocco My name is Kim Ruocco and I am the widow of United States Marine Major John Ruocco, who died by suicide at age 40 in 2005. John was an incredible husband, son, father to our two boys, and Marine. He was dedicated and passionate in everything he did. John joined the Marines in 198
NFL Auction Benefits TAPS NFL Auction Benefits TAPS NFL Auction Benefits TAPS TAPS As one of the four official charity partners of the NFL, TAPS benefits from the proceeds of auctions for official NFL items, exclusive Super Bowl Packages and authentic signed and game-used items from your favorite teams and players. Over the past five years, NFL Auction has donated more than $5 million to NFL and team charities and nonprofits. The NFL does not retain any profits generated by the sale of products on the NFL Auction pla
All In With TAPS at National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar All In With TAPS at National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar All In With TAPS at National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar Misty Blum About a year ago I was on the phone with the head of Peer Mentor Training for TAPS. We were chatting about the upcoming national seminar taking place in Washington DC. He mentioned that it is a great experience but suggested for my first seminar I should attend the annual suicide seminar because it is so specific to my loss. Well, I know good advice when I h
27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life Linda Ambard Eloping to Reno, NV on November 27, 1988, three days after Thanksgiving. Phil was upset Thanksgiving because of how my father was treating me (I was the first person EVER to get divorced in our family—total ostracization.) Phil didn’t care how people treated him, but it bothered him if people messed with me. As we drove back to Mountain Home Air Force Base
Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Bonds with the Deceased Don’t Have to End Gloria Horsley Heidi Horsley “Scott is dead!” These are the dreaded words that no parent or sibling should ever have to hear, words that irrevocably changed our lives forever. We heard these words in 1983, when Scott Horsley, our beloved son and brother, died in a fiery collision when the car in which he was a passenger hydroplaned and slammed into a bridge abutment. In an instant, Scott’s life was snuffed
Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts for New Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts for New Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Thoughts for New Survivors Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today comes from my garden to your house. It is a picture of a rose my sister-in-law gave me for my birthday this year. This is one of the last roses of the summer season in my part of the country. I thought the rose along with an article written by Carla Stumpf-Patton titled “Seasons of Grief” would be appropriate to this week’s topic. In the article
My Death Wish My Death Wish My Death Wish Michele Hernandez Moving from Misery to Meaning It is an odd and frightening sensation to wish you were dead. After my husband died I fervently wished I could die, too. The first time I read that grieving people sometimes fantasize about death, I was relieved. My entire life I had appreciated the gift of life; to suddenly and frequently wish it away was a disconcerting and lonely experience. When my husband, Phil, was hit by a car, the initial shock provided
Video: Robert Patrick Memorial Day Message Video: Robert Patrick at the 29th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar over Memorial Day Weekend Video: Robert Patrick at the 29th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar over Memorial Day Weekend \| TAPS TAPS Media Robert Patrick, actor, speaks at the Grand Banquet of the 29th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar on Saturday, May 27, 2023, in Arlington, Virginia. Robert quotes the prayer of Mrs. Roosevelt remembering the sacrifice of those who have and will die for
Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 \| TAPS Linda Goldman Children and teens have had their world turned inside out during the coronavirus pandemic. The familiar has turned foreign, the expected has vanished, and the world as kids knew it pre-COVID-19 has transformed into a surreal new normal. Overwhelmed by virtual classes, home quarantine, cleanl
Mental Health in the Movies and Media: Continuing the Discussion on Suicide Mental Health in the Movies and Media: Continuing the Discussion on Suicide Mental Health in the Movies and Media: Continuing the Discussion on Suicide \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Writers note: This story contains topics related to mental health and suicide. If you are experiencing emotional distress or thoughts of suicide, help can be found by contacting the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 (Veterans Press 1), or by contacting the National Crisis Text Line by texting “
Widow’s Tax Now Completely Eliminated Widow’s Tax Now Completely Eliminated Widow’s Tax Now Completely Eliminated \| TAPS Candace Wheeler TAPS Policy News: TAPS is pleased to announce that on February 1, 2023, surviving military spouses will receive their full Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) annuity payment from the Department of Defense (DoD) and their full Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) payment from the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). The SBP-DIC Offset, or Widow’s Tax, is completely eliminated, and fu
To Watch or Not To Watch To Watch or Not To Watch To Watch or Not To Watch Kelly Griffith That is the Question Sitting in the darkened, crowded theater, I realized I had made a mistake. Why hadn’t I picked the cutesy cartoon movie about dancing penguins? Why did I choose to resort to emotional cutting? No. I would be fine. But I looked beside me and saw the looks on my family's faces and knew I had made a big mistake. It was just a few short months after Sammy's death on December 14, and we sat in a room f
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Sports Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Sports Memories Sharing Fond Sports Memories \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Watching sporting events is something that many families like to do together. For football fans, this is an especially big weekend because of the Super Bowl. Barbara, mother of Brian sent the opening photo showing their family when they went to a football game featuring their favorite NFL team. You will read more about this special memory in the respons
Coping with Holidays and Celebrations Coping with Holidays and Celebrations Coping with Holidays and Celebrations Helen Fitzgerald This article is found on American Hospice Foundation website: Coping with Holidays and Celebrations. By Helen Fitzgerald, MFT holidays, grief Military Mother Finds Comfort after Son's Suicide When a loved one has died, holidays, anniversaries, and birthdays inevitably bring fresh memories and a re-experience of the pain of grief.
Audio: Suicide in the Military, Lipstein Suicide in the Military Suicide in the Military Madeline Brand Show Surviving father Don Lipstein talks with the Madeleine Brand Show about the death of his Navy son by suicide. Listen to Audio Your browser does not support the audio element. Listen on the Southern California Public Radio website Suicide, Military, Lipstein Suicide in the Military Surviving father Don Lipstein talks with the Madeleine Brand Show about the death of his Navy son by suicide.
My Dad, My Hero My Dad, My Hero My Dad, My Hero Gabrielle Herman Author, Eckhart Tolle, writes of the search for wholeness, a sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole, in which we strive after possessions, money, success, power, recognition, or a special relationship to feel better about ourselves and to feel complete. Only to realize, after attaining all these things, we find the hole is still there, that it is bottomless. He believes the secret of life is to "die before you die" - and find that
Helping Military Kids with Traumatic Death Helping Military Kids with Traumatic Death Helping Military Kids with Traumatic Death Linda Goldman Ordinary fears are a normal part of a child’s developmental growth, and children create internal and external mechanisms to cope with these fears. But a child’s ordinary fears can be transformed into very real survival fears in the face of severe trauma. After children experience the death of a parent, they often feel alone and different. Frightened because their once comfortable world now seem
Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support \| TAPS Jennifer Keeling Every superhero needs a sidekick. Batman has Robin. Iron Man has War Machine. Even Superman has Krypto...super dog. When these superheroes’ personal battles knock them off course from ‘saving the world,’ their trusted sidekicks step in to fight the battle with them, because there is always strength in numbers. So too, when life throws us off course, we need someone there to figh
Atlanta Falcons Andre Roberts Selected for the 2017 Salute to Service Award for Supporting Military Families Atlanta Falcons Andre Roberts Selected for the 2017 Salute to Service Award for Supporting Military Families Atlanta Falcons Andre Roberts Selected for the 2017 Salute to Service Award for Supporting Military Families \| TAPS TAPS Media Andre Roberts has made time for our TAPS families and always welcomes them with open arms and a big smile whether it's on the field or off. We celebrate his recent accolade as the recipient of the NFL's Salute to Service Award and are honored that TAPS was
Peer Mentoring Forges a Deeper Sibling Bond Peer Mentoring Forges a Deeper Sibling Bond Peer Mentoring Forges a Deeper Sibling Bond TAPS When Renee Taylor's younger brother, Army National Guard Capt. Jonathan Shively, died in 2010, she didn't know how to process her loss as a sibling. "We all talked about him all of the time, but I didn't really think, I lost my brother." Renee attended her first TAPS event and started to see her loss as her own. She realized she could be sad about losing her brother and not just sad about her mom lo
Resource Center, TAPS Top Picks for Scholarships Resource Center, TAPS Top Picks for Scholarships Resource Center, TAPS Top Picks for Scholarships TAPS Now that school is back in session, it’s a good time to start planning for your future at college, whether you are a high school senior, surviving spouse, or young adult whose parent has died in military service. When applying for educational and financial resources, the large range of differing requirements and eligibilities can make the scholarship search a grueling process. Here at T
Video: Bonnie Carroll on Finding the Beauty within Tragedy Video: Bonnie Carroll on Finding the Beauty within Tragedy Bonnie Carroll on Finding the Beauty within Tragedy \| TAPS Robin Gargano A conversation between TAPS Founder and President Bonnie Carroll and Robin Gargano that took place during the Finding the Beauty within Tragedy Summit. If you are coping with the loss of your military loved one, find supportive resources and programming on the TAPS website. Select image below to play the video. This video is courtesy of Robin Gargano. video
Messages of Love Messages of Love Messages of Love Claire Perkins Over the years since my son’s death in 2004, I have received many messages and signs from him. Some have come in dreams, some through songs on the radio. Perhaps the most powerful have been the heart-shaped stones and shells washed up by the sea to remind me that love never dies. Read the full article on the Open to Hope website. By Claire Perkins, Surviving mother of Cameron grief, healing, god winks Over the years since my son’s death
Audio: Kim Ruocco Talks with The Mark Steiner Show Kim Ruocco Talks with The Mark Steiner Show Kim Ruocco Talks with The Mark Steiner Show Marc Steiner Radio Show Kim Ruocco, military widow and TAPS manager of suicide postvention and education programs, talks about suicide in the Armed Forces and how we can all help. Listen to Audio Your browser does not support the audio element. Listen on the Mark Steiner Show website Veterans Day, Suicide, Radio Kim Ruocco Talks with The Mark Steiner Show Kim Ruocco, TAPS manager of suicide po
Traumatic Grief in Military Children Traumatic Grief in Military Children Traumatic Grief in Military Children TAPS Traumatic Grief in Military Children: Information for Families To read the complete article, visit www.NCTSN.org and click on Military Children & Families. National Child Traumatic Stress Network. (2008). Traumatic Grief in Military Children: Information for Families. Los Angeles, CA & Durham, NC: National Center for Child Traumatic Stress. By the National Child Traumatic Stress Network military child
Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide Suicide grief: Healing after a loved one's suicide Mayo Clinic Staff A loved one's suicide can be emotionally devastating. Use healthy coping strategies — such as seeking support — to begin the journey to healing and acceptance. See article on the Mayo Clinic website: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/MH00048 By Mayo Clinic Staff suicide loss A loved one's suicide can be emotionally devastating. Use healthy coping strategies —
Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton What happened? Why did he do it? The answers to the questions are complex. When someone we love dies by suicide, it can be overwhelming and confusing, and bring with it many emotions and questions. Those affected by suicide often struggle with how, and if, their life will ever fit back together again. More than anybody, it is the suicide loss survivor who is left with endless “whys” and
What Grieving People Want You to Know What Grieving People Want You to Know What Grieving People Want You to Know Virginia Simpson Articles What A Grieving Child Wants You To Know and What Grieving People Want You To Know are found on Dr. Virginia A. Simpson's website, under Articles, Understanding Grief. By Virginia A. Simpson, PhD, FT: Dr. Virginia A. Simpson is a nationally and internationally recognized authority on dying and grieving. She brings more than a quarter of a century of experience and expertise to her work hel
I Wish I Wish I Wish Michele Hiester Marcum Once upon a time, I had all the answers. Or at least, I thought I did. My life was more predictable than not, and with all the wisdom of my youth, I just knew that I could handle any roadblock I encountered… all by myself. Independence is a good thing, right? All that changed on a chilly, sunny day in March of 2005. That’s the day I received the call that many of you have experienced. Someone you love isn’t coming home. Looking back on that time in my
Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The TAPS Peer Mentor Program offers a companion on our grief journey. We are matched with another survivor who has suffered a similar loss. The opening picture is from the article, "5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief," written by Amanda Klager who is the surviving sister of Army Spc. Adam Klager. In the article, she
Audio: On Memorial Day, The Hardest Lesson of All On Memorial Day, The Hardest Lesson of All On Memorial Day, The Hardest Lesson of All Ami Neiberger-Miller The TAPS Good Grief Camp, held annually near Washington, DC over Memorial Day Weekend, helps children and teens coping with the death of a parent or sibling who died while serving in the Armed Forces. Interview with TAPS spokesperson, Ami Neiberger-Miller. Listen to Audio Your browser does not support the audio element. Listen on the Public News Service website Memor
A Toast to the Ones We Lost A Toast to the Ones We Lost A Toast to the Ones We Lost \| TAPS Sonia Rai There’s a certain type of person with a certain type of heart who, before setting out to do something they love, will see the inherent danger, corruption, and uncertainty ahead of them, and still choose to act anyway. This is a toast to them. They’re the type of people who aren’t in it for the glory because they realize that glory isn’t something that can be found, rather it can only be bestowed. So they go,
Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Kyle Balduf We all remember that day—the day the world stopped for us. We remember the knock on the door, the phone call, the person on the other end fumbling for the words to explain that life had changed forever. After the initial waves of shock rolled over us, we began to thaw, so to speak, and became acquainted with the nature of g
A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps A Bittersweet Gift: Finding Comfort in teams4taps \| TAPS Elizabeth Engleman-Hammett U.S. Army Specialist Tyler Brent Hammett It was Super Bowl Sunday, February 2, 2014. My family and I were settled in front of the television watching the game, as we do every Sunday during football season. It wasn’t quite half-time, rather late in the day, so we were a little more than perplexed to hear someone knock on our front door. In th
Saturday Morning Message: Cultivating Hobbies and Skills Saturday Morning Message: Cultivating Hobbies and Skills Cultivating Hobbies and Skills \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, During this period of quarantine, some have found the additional time to develop new hobbies or skills or have worked hard to enhance old skills, applying that new knowledge to various projects. Several survivors share about their experiences in this week’s Saturday Morning Message. We have all heard that journaling can be part of the h
National Suicide Prevention Month: TAPS Support and Resources National Suicide Prevention Month: TAPS Support and Resources National Suicide Prevention Month: Support and Resources \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Each September we recognize Suicide Prevention Month, and while every day of the year is an opportunity for awareness, this time of the year specifically we emphasize education and sharing life-saving resources on all issues related to suicide—also referred to as prevention, intervention, and postvention. For those who are suicide loss survivors
Run and Remember: A Win-Win Outcome Run and Remember: A Win-Win Outcome Run and Remember: A Win-Win Outcome Betsy Beard When I first came to TAPS in 2004, I just assumed that somehow the military or the government was paying for the services and resources that were made available to me at the time: the national toll free helpline, the Peer Support Network, a free lifetime subscription to TAPS Magazine, the interactive TAPS website, the online chats, and the national seminar with all its speakers and materials and bus transporta
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Because it is Thanksgiving weekend, this Saturday Morning Message features a list of resources TAPS provides that I am thankful for as a survivor. Since a list of all the programs would make this message too long, I’ve only included some of the programs. Visit TAPS programs web page to learn more. The picture today is from the TAPS website showing survivors participating in t
Strength Through Communication Strength Through Communication Strength Through Communication TAPS Keeping in Touch Members of a family don’t always live near each other. Miles may physically separate us, yet we carry the comforting knowledge that our loved ones are always close at heart. The same can be said of the TAPS family. Our homes are spread across the nation, and even across the globe. But when our grief weighs heavy, we know our TAPS family is there to provide an encouraging word, a lift of the spirit, and hope f
Online Financial Counseling Online Financial Counseling Online Financial Counseling Fran Hackett To Help Beneficiaries Plan Ahead Eligible beneficiaries in the Servicemembers’ Group Life Insurance (SGLI) Program can now take advantage of two new online financial services that can help with financial planning and also provide the ability to create a will. Eligible beneficiaries include those who have received a payment from SGLI, Veterans’ Group Life Insurance (VGLI), or Family SGLI (FSGLI). The Department of Veterans A
Video: PREVENTS - A Whole Nation Approach to Suicide Prevention Video: PREVENTS - A Whole Nation Approach to Suicide Prevention Video: PREVENTS - A Whole Nation Approach to Suicide Prevention \| TAPS Institute Barbara Van Dahlen Carolyn Colley Join the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® during National Suicide Prevention Week for a webinar about a new national effort to prevent suicide among Veterans and all Americans. This webinar will provide information about the President’s Roadmap to Empower Veterans and End a National Tragedy of Suicide (PREVENTS).
Helping Surviving Families Achieve Their Post-Secondary Goals Helping Surviving Families Achieve Their Post-Secondary Goals Helping Surviving Families Achieve Their Post-Secondary Goals \| TAPS TAPS When considering post-secondary education, begin with the end in mind and know where you would like to be in the future. It is okay to start right where you are, recognizing that every survivor is at a different point in their school search process. Take one step at a time to be closer to where you would like to be. Remember to cast a wide net when starting y
The Choice The Choice The Choice Linda Ambard For the past five years, I have learned to survive and to make it through the darkest nights. I have come to trust my decisions and discovered happiness through running, work, school, and the all too rare visits with my adult children. It a dull and predictable life that didn’t allow for dreams to creep in or for the wash of agony to take over. I closed myself off to any possibility of a life beyond that flat one dimensional plane. At 49, the spunky, warm, a
Is It Ok? Is It Ok? Is It Ok? Shanette Booker Every day for about the first two years after Dre's passing, I walked on eggshells and hid behind the bushes. I never wanted to be in the limelight. I didn't want to say or do anything that would offend someone. I was his wife and as his widow, I didn't want to be inappropriate in my mannerisms, words, or actions. I felt as if people would question how much I loved my husband, if I loved him as much as I said I did, or if I still loved him. It was the harde
Seven Choices: Finding daylight after loss shatters your world Seven Choices: Finding daylight after loss shatters your world Seven Choices: Finding daylight after loss shatters your world Betsy Beard Early in my grief journey, I looked desperately for books or manuals or instructions-anything to help me get through each day-but bookstores didn't stock very many books about grief. I found this perplexing since death is universal and most of us will experience the loss of a loved one at some point before we ourselves die. For TAPS survivors, that loss see
Video: Understanding the Federal Long Term Care Insurance Program Video: Understanding the Federal Long Term Care Insurance Program Video: Understanding the Federal Long Term Care Insurance Program Webinar \| TAPS Institute Hunt Kerrigan Lisa Roussel Bonnie Carroll The Federal Long Term Care Insurance Program (FLTCIP) is an important benefit to understand especially for military survivors. This presentation and discussion will explore the realities of long term care and family caregiving, as well as review highlights of the FLTCIP, including eligibility, the a
Gold Star Children Take on Business World Thanks to TAPS Gold Star Children Take on Business World Thanks to TAPS Gold Star Children Take on Business World Thanks to TAPS Shannon Collins With the help of a Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors initiative, 12 Gold Star children participated in a variety of life-enhancing activities April 11-15 in New York City. A New York Stock Exchange executive explains operations to two Gold Star children at the opening bell in New York City, April 12, 2018. The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors prov
Audio: The Many Faces of Grief The Many Faces of Grief, A Military Widow's Journey to Hope The Many Faces of Grief, A Military Widows Journey to Hope Good Mourning Podcast TAPS founder Bonnie Carroll is interviewed by bereavement expert Darcie Sims. She discusses founding TAPS in 1994 to help all who have suffered the death of loved one serving in the Armed Forces and her own journey as a widow. She discusses discovering connections with other widows who lost their husbands in the same crash that her husband died in, and
Grief 101: Back to the Basics Grief 101: Back to the Basics Grief 101: Back to the Basics Betty Ann Rutledge The holiday season—with its inevitable reminders of the empty spaces in our families—is a good time to go back to the basics of what we know about grief. This article is found on Bereaved Families of Ontario - Toronto website, article: Grief 101: Back to the Basics By Betty Ann Rutledge: Betty Ann Rutledge is a professional volunteer manager with over 20 years of experience in the field of healthcare, death,
Watch the Gold Star Children film Trailer Watch the Gold Star Children film Trailer Watch the Gold Star Children film Trailer TAPS Gold Star Children is a documentary feature film that takes an intimate look at American children who've lost a parent to war. The film follows the parallel journeys of two generations of grieving children; recent war orphans who’ve lost military parents serving in Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia and here at home, learn to heal alongside the now adult-child survivors of the Vietnam War. The film brings together
The Power of the Media and Messaging The Power of the Media and Messaging Kim Ruocco's Story of Hope - TAPS News Kim Ruocco It’s been 11 years since my husband died by suicide. It has been a journey of excruciating pain and devastating loss but it has also been a journey of immense growth and a new understanding of the world around me. Like most suicide survivors I have a burning desire to understand why this happened to my loving husband and a need prevent this from happening to another military family. My first instinct was
Sibling Loss Sibling Loss Sibling Loss Heidi Horsley In the United States today, there is a natural, assumed order to the deaths we will experience in our lives. We believe that our grandparents will die first, then our parents, then our brothers and sisters, and then our children. However, that is not how it happens for thousands of people each year, and that is not how it happened for me. When my brother Scott and cousin Matthew were just 17 years old they died together in a fiery car accident.
Saturday Morning Message: Online Support Saturday Morning Message: Online Support Saturday Morning Message: Online Support Carol Lane Good morning, This picture comes from the new TAPS website. When you need support, this is the place to look. Everything TAPS has to offer is listed here. Some of the listings are the helpline that is available 24/7 at 800-959-TAPS (8277), upcoming events and resources such as casework or the survivor care team. There are also a variety of programs, including the TAPS Online Community, which links yo
Growing Up TAPS: Understanding How Our Children Grieve Growing Up TAPS: Understanding How Our Children Grieve Growing Up TAPS: Understanding How Our Children Grieve Andy McNiel There is a personal nature to how each of us grieves, and that individuality extends to our children and teenagers. They uniquely grieve the death of their person based on (but not limited to) their personality type, individual preferences, how they most feel comfortable being in the world, the nature of the relationship they shared with their person before they died, and
Hope Against All Hope Hope Against All Hope Hope Against All Hope Linda Ambard Like most people, I assumed I knew how my life trajectory would evolve and I trusted that prayers would keep Phil safe from harm. I believed ultimately life was fair and good things happened if I just waited long enough or believed strong enough. Phil's death caused a quake in my belief system and it has made me question who I am, what I stand for, and what I carry in my heart. I am different because I know better. When Phil deplo
Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Often while grieving we care for others in our friends/family circle, but it is really important to take a bit of time each day to do something we enjoy. One thing that lifts my spirits is to sit and talk with a friend like these survivors are doing at a TAPS seminar. That is why I like attending TAPS events. There I meet other survivors and form friendships. When I a
Colorado Celebrity Classic to Benefit TAPS – a model for getting ‘er done! Colorado Celebrity Classic – a model for getting ‘er done! Colorado Celebrity Classic – a model for getting ‘er done! Christine Burtt Sgt. Nick Pansini served five tours as a U.S. Marine, two in Iraq. His sisters Angel and Shannon and dad Joe Pansini told the story of his suicide in 2010 at the Saluting our Fallen Heroes Dinner Concert, and the reason for TAPS became crystal clear: We care! Now it its 11th year, the Colorado Celebrity Classic to benefit TAPS has become a model for hosting
National Wreaths Across America Day National Wreaths Across America Day National Wreaths Across America Day \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Thousands of volunteers will participate in National Wreaths Across America Day on Saturday, December 15, to place wreaths on veterans’ graves at more than a thousand cemeteries throughout the country, including at Arlington National Cemetery. Gina Barnhurst started participating in Wreaths Across America in 2008, two years after her son, Marine Lance Cpl. Eric Herzberg, was killed in Iraq and buri
Letters From TAPS: From Survivor Care Team Letters From TAPS: From Survivor Care Team Letters From TAPS: From Survivor Care Team Sheri Beck Dear TAPS Family, As a child, I loved summer. Summer brought the promise of days spent boating on the Mississippi River and late nights playing softball and riding bikes. I never wanted the summer to end. As I grew older, I began to look forward to the arrival of autumn with all the changes it brought. And now I welcome the season with its crisp days and cold nights, autumn leaves turning beautif
Yuengling Lagers for Heroes Salute Veterans and Their Families Yuengling Lagers for Heroes Salute Veterans and Their Families Yuengling Lagers for Heroes Salute Veterans and Their Families \| TAPS TAPS TAPS is proud to have the support of America's Oldest Brewery, D.G. Yuengling & Son during the month of May as together we raise a toast to honor our military heroes. Fiercely independent for nearly 190 years, Yuengling is thankful and proud of the brave and dedicated service men and women who make tremendous sacrifices and represent our country's freedom,
Get Texts From Your TAPS Family! Get Texts From Your TAPS Family! Get Texts From Your TAPS Family! TAPS TAPS is expanding our mobile messaging capabilities with an exciting new program that allows us to text care group reminders, event invitations, deadlines and more to mobile phones in the US. Want to sign up? Just text TAPS to 95577. All TAPS text messages will come from the short code 95577. Some of you may already receive personal text messages from our Survivor Care Team or other staff with whom you have a relations
Resource Center: TAPS Military Survivor Education Support Services Resource Center: TAPS Military Survivor Education Support Services Resource Center: TAPS Military Survivor Education Support Services TAPS One of the most exciting times in anyone’s life is the prospect of attending college, secondary education, or trade school. It can also be an emotional and financially difficult time, dealing with complicated student admissions processes, applying for student aid, and dealing with everything else that goes along with this effort. The reality is that colleg
Presidential Memorial Certificates Presidential Memorial Certificates Presidential Memorial Certificates Betsy Beard The Presidential Memorial Certificate (PMC) is a gold embossed certificate signed by the current President in memory of any honorably discharged deceased veteran. This includes any service member who died while serving honorably. Its purpose is simply to honor the memory of those who have served. The certificate bears the name of the veteran along with an inscription expressing the nation's gratitude and recogni
Saturday Morning Message: Our Change of Thoughts on Mortality Saturday Morning Message: Our Change of Thoughts on Mortality Saturday Morning Message: Our Change of Thoughts on Mortality Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this week shows the sunset over the water. Although I don't live near a lake or the ocean, I do live by a relatively large river. It's one place I like to go to think about questions like the one from this week's Saturday Morning Message about the change of ideas after the death of a loved one. In an article from the TAPS Magazine
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Because it is Thanksgiving weekend, this Saturday Morning Message features a list of resources TAPS provides that I am thankful for as a survivor. Since a list of all the programs would make this message too long, I've only included some of the programs, but you can learn about all TAPS programs at http://www.taps.org. The picture today is from the TAPS website showing a surviv
10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss 10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss 10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss \| TAPS TAPS Losing someone you love to suicide comes with complex grief. You might catch yourself asking why or what if or even wrestling with guilt, thinking you could have done something more — "If only I would have..." or "I should have known something was wrong." These questions, though raw and overwhelming — especially in grief — and processing these questions over time and with support can he
July Was Not Kind July Was Not Kind July Was Not Kind Linda Ambard I took a terrible fall out running at the end of July. Both arms were scraped, and my left rib cage and leg were criss-crossed with terrible scrapes. I knew the right side of my body was traumatized, but I never even recognized the unseen injuries that haunt me know. One and a half weeks after that spill, I came home from a relatively short run for me. Within an hour, I could not use my right leg. My leg buckled and locked. I couldn't get
The Dream, Revised The Dream, Revised The Dream, Revised Tabitha Bonilla A glimpse into my thoughts this past September 11th anniversary… I feel like sometimes the outside world looks at me differently. I feel the pressure of others that I should "move on" since my losses occurred ten years ago. It is different on September 11th though. On that day, people pause in their everyday life, even if it is just for a moment. They remember. On this day, I feel like the world gets it, if only just for a day. I ca
Reflections of Yesterday Reflections of Yesterday Reflections of Yesterday Bob Bagosy On September 23, 2013 I traveled to the UK with a group of TAPS parents, who just like me, had their son die in Iraq, Afghanistan, or at home. We went to the UK to meet and visit fellow parents who had their sons die in military service. On September 24, 2013 I arrived in London and took a taxi to our hotel, the Victory Service Club - a British Military Club built in 1907 in the heart of London. I spent some time with TAPS peop
Veterans Day Reflection Veterans Day Reflection Veterans Day Reflection Janna Schaefer Veterans Day, for many, is the celebration of our men and women in uniform. For myself and family, it is the day we lost our husband, father, son, brother and friend. SSGT Stephen M. Schaefer (USAF) was 31 when he died that morning as a result of his service in Desert Storm. This Veterans Day will mark the 20th anniversary of his death. Sometimes it is as though it were yesterday and I can recall each moment, and other times it
Thank You for Supporting Our Mission in 2022 Thank You for Supporting Our Mission in 2022 Thank You for Supporting Our Mission in 2022 \| TAPS TAPS TAPS is grateful for the incredible outpouring of support we received in 2022. We are humbled that so many members of our TAPS family brought us along as they honored their loved one; we applaud the communities around the country who gathered to pay tribute to local heroes; and we sincerely thank our growing circle of supporters for sharing the TAPS mission. When you fundraise for TAPS, you a
Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Being there to listen without judgement is one wonderful gift TAPS gives to those who connect with our organization. The opening photo shows a TAPS Military Mentor listening carefully to a young survivor. Through our mentors, caring staff and our Helpline Team, TAPS is here 24/7 to listen and to provide support to all survivors. The Saturda
Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The idea for this week’s topic came from a discussion on one of the Online Community chats. We spent some time talking about what we do when we have difficulty getting a good night’s sleep. In the summer edition of TAPS Magazine, there is an article titled "Grief and Sleep," written by Heather Stang listing more ideas. Then on August 15, which was National Relaxa
Leaving a Mark on History Leaving a Mark on History Leaving a Mark on History \| TAPS Matt Davison In serving incarcerated veterans, I formed bonds with warriors who took part in wars spanning Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf War. One vet, who is incarcerated at the Federal Correctional Institution at Terminal Island, California, precedes all these wars and has become a valued friend over the past five years. Because of confidentiality issues, I will not give his complete name, but will refer to him simply as Rene. This is
Run with TAPS in 2019 Run with TAPS in 2019 Run with TAPS in 2019 \| TAPS TAPS It’s not too late to commit to setting your resolution to run with TAPS in 2019. We’ve got two fun races coming up in February and March, with each race offering multiple distances for every level of runner. Photo: TAPS Archive The last day to register for the Disney Princess Half Marathon Weekend is Monday, January 28. The weekend event will be held February 21-24 in Orlando, Florida. Entries are available for all distances—5K, 10K, h
TAPS Honored as 2017 Top-Rated Nonprofit TAPS Honored as 2017 Top-Rated Nonprofit TAPS Honored as 2017 Top-Rated Nonprofit TAPS TAPS is pleased to announce that it has been honored with a prestigious 2017 Top-Rated Award by GreatNonprofits, the leading provider of user reviews about nonprofit organizations. “We are excited to be named a Top-Rated 2017 Nonproft,” says Bonnie Carroll, TAPS President and Founder. “We are humbled that so many of our survivors and volunteers took time to tell others how the TAPS mission has impacted
Explore Museums for Free This Summer Explore Museums for Free This Summer Explore Museums for Free This Summer TAPS Participation in Blue Star Museums is one of our favorite ways to enjoy the summer season! From Memorial Day through Labor Day each year, Blue Star Families partners with the National Endowment for the Arts to bring you free admission to more than 2,000 museums across the country. We love this program because museums are great places to learn with your families, and create lasting memories. Our friends at the A
Sharing Your Story Sharing Your Story Sharing Your Story \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell I am the story I tell myself, and so are you. We are, like the books we read, a series of chapters bound together by our values, our experiences, our choices and our sense of self. When people we love die, it can feel like the pages we’d set aside for those chapters in our lives have been rewritten, but not by our own pen. It’s as if these pages were drafted without our choice, without our storytelling. But as we come together in
TAPS Advocacy in Action TAPS Advocacy in Action TAPS Advocacy in Action TAPS Your TAPS Policy Team is extremely busy advocating for our surviving families! We testified before Congress on five separate occasions and submitted statements for the record on important survivor issues. TAPS also advocates for our surviving families through the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Federal Advisory Committee on Veterans’ Families, Caregivers, and Survivors and Chairs the Survivor Subcommittee. We continue to brief leadersh
New Poll Released from National Action Alliance on Suicide Prevention New Poll Released from National Action Alliance on Suicide Prevention New Poll Released from National Action Alliance on Suicide Prevention \| TAPS TAPS Earlier today, as part of National Suicide Prevention Week, the National Action Alliance on Suicide Prevention released the results of its national poll that was conducted in partnership with the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and The Harris Poll. The poll showed that Americans overwhelmingly believe that suicide can be prevented,
Friends of TAPS: DynCorp Friends of TAPS: DynCorp Friends of TAPS: DynCorp TAPS Since 2001, DynCorp International has lost 84 teammates while supporting our nation’s foreign policy objectives. The sacrifice of these contractors is not widely known nor heralded except by their families and friends. Our nation asked their loved ones to go to war serving beside our military. Their families deserve our respect and embrace. DynCorp staff wear red shirts on Friday to show support for the Armed Forces. In recognition of
Summer Reading List for Kids Summer Reading List for Kids Summer Reading List for Kids Jonathan Kirkendall I was lucky enough to have a mom that loved to read to us as we grew up, so it’s no surprise that when I began as a group leader at Good Grief Camps, I turned to books to help the kids talk about their own grief. Over the years, I come back to many of the same books over and over again. My strong suggestion is that you read them first before reading them out loud to your kids – some of them are very moving! The F
Team TAPS Participates in Windy25 Memorial 5K Team TAPS Participates in Windy25 Memorial 5K Team TAPS Participates in Windy25 Memorial 5K TAPS Our TAPS family extends our sincere condolences to the families whose loved ones died or were injured in the tragic shooting at Fort Hood, Texas. TAPS is actively helping the families of the victims. Our assistance and support will be unwavering. The TAPS Run and Remember Team participated in the 4th Annual Windy25 Memorial 5K on Saturday in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Windy25 Memorial 5K is ded
A Father's Reflection from the UK A Father's Reflection from the UK A Father's Reflection from the UK Sandy Elliot Private Kevin Elliott, 3rd Battalion, The Black Watch, Royal Regiment of Scotland. That's how the Army knew my son; it's not how I knew him. My son Kevin joined the army in 2002. He served in Northern Ireland and Iraq, and finally in Afghanistan where he died on 31st August 2009. He was 24 years old. Kevin was due to leave the army in March 2009. He had passed his medical and was ready for civvy (civilian)
Our Marine Corps Birthday Tradition Our Marine Corps Birthday Tradition Our Marine Corps Birthday Tradition Bob Bagosy On November 09, 2008, I drove from Atlanta, GA to Camp Lejeune, NC to pick up my son, Tommy. We were making the long drive to Philadelphia, PA to attend the Marine Corps Birthday at a small corner bar in the heart of South Philadelphia. The bar, Cookies Tavern, was founded by a Marine who served in Vietnam in 1968. The bar is very, very small. It is similar to one found in a lot of eastern cities and is no bigg
TAPS Issues Tips for the Public Seeking to Express Sympathy or Support for the Families of Those Who Died in the Navy Yard TAPS Issues Tips for the Public Seeking to Express Sympathy or Support for the Families of Those Who Died in the Navy Yard TAPS Issues Tips for the Public Seeking to Express Sympathy or Support for the Families of Those Who Died in the Navy Yard TAPS The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), issues the following statement: We are saddened by the loss of life and injuries in a shooting incident at the U.S. Navy Yard in Washington D.C. yesterday. TAPS stands ready to assist families
Bereavement Counseling Bereavement Counseling Bereavement Counseling TAPS Department of Veterans Affairs Vet Centers When America experienced the terrorist attack on September 11, 2001, TAPS was there in the Pentagon Family Assistance Center providing comfort and support for all those who lost loved ones on that fateful day. Hundreds of TAPS Peer Mentors volunteered their time over the course of six weeks, traveling to Washington, DC for a week, living in the Center's headquarters hotel, and offering comfort to th
Education Support Services Education Support Services Education Support Services Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann My dad, Sergeant First Class Jeffrey Haycock, died while training to deploy in 2002 when I was only ten years old. Education was extremely important to him; he actually made me learn all fifty states and their capitals before I started kindergarten. Pursuing a higher education was not optional; his kids would go to college. When he died, attaining his dreams for us seemed uncertain. I always knew, though, that I wo
Enough Enough Enough Michele Hiester Marcum I had the privilege of spending New Year’s Day with my third-grade scouts, shivering at our local state park. What was intended to be a lesson on conservation and environmental responsibility for them turned out to be yet another life lesson for me. Nothing like a chilly 20 degree day and my own words to clear the holiday fog from my brain. Before I explain all that, I need to tell you a little about where I am in my own journey. For many reasons, this ha
The Importance of Hope The Importance of Hope The Importance of Hope Alan Wolfelt Excerpted from The Mourner’s Book of Hope: 30 Days of Inspiration “Today… I open my heart’s hand to allow the touch of hope.” ~ Julia Cameron Someone you love has died. In your heart you have come to know your deepest pain. Your grief has brought challenges that seem beyond your own capacity to survive. Grief creates chaos, and your soul cries out. You naturally experience a sense of helplessness and, at times, you feel the d
Alcohol is Not the Answer Alcohol is Not the Answer Alcohol is Not the Answer Margaret Gerner We are frequently cautioned about the dangers of mixing alcohol and drugs. We are frequently cautioned about the dangers of mixing alcohol and driving. We are seldom cautioned about the danger of mixing alcohol with grief. The shrieking pain of early grief tempts the bereaved to escape in any way they can—to shut out the terrible reality of their loss, even for a short time. Usually they are not eating properly or sleep
The Honorable Celestial Discharge The Honorable Celestial Discharge The Honorable Celestial Discharge Colleen Betlach New terminology to bring comfort and hope As the holiday season approaches and our thoughts turn to holiday music, miracles, lights, and angelic hosts, I am reminded of a Thanksgiving night that I experienced many years ago while working at a VA Medical Center (VAMC). It was then that I first heard of an Honorable Celestial Discharge. I began my work at a VAMC shortly after my own Honorable Medical Dischar
Video: TAPS Mission Impact Video: TAPS Mission Impact Video: TAPS Mission Impact TAPS Media Over 75,000 surviving military family members are part of the TAPS family. They are fully supported 24/7 with compassionate care by a professional staff trained in best practices and offering resources for hope and healing. Thanks to the support of our donors in 2017, TAPS achieved amazing milestones throughout the year in providing comfort to the TAPS family. We hope you'll watch our Mission Impact video and know that we apprec
There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! There’s Still Time to Put on Those Running Shoes for TAPS! \| TAPS TAPS The Team TAPS Virtual Fundraiser Campaign is going through December 31. The pandemic hasn’t stopped us from lacing up and running, jumping on our bikes, or hiking a trail as we honor our fallen military and raise funds to support the vital programs of TAPS. Get Involved You can still participate in our virtual campaign or make a resolution t
Let the Volunteer Journey Begin Let the Volunteer Journey Begin Let the Volunteer Journey Begin \| TAPS Clynton Trewyn Editor’s note: Clynton Trewyn, who has served as a TAPS military mentor, recently started a blog. He decided to make his first post about something close to his heart. This blog entry, which first appeared on his site, Volunteer Ripple, has been adapted for use on the TAPS website. I’ve been blessed enough to travel the country volunteering with TAPS over the last four years. By caring for survivors griev
Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminar Enjoyment Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminar Enjoyment Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminar Enjoyment Carol Lane Good Morning, Going to a TAPS Seminar for the first time can be stressful, especially if you are attending alone. I remember the first time I flew into the Reagan National Airport in Washington, D.C., for the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp held each May. I wasn’t sure what I would find, but when I entered the hotel, there were TAPS staff members waiting to
Are You Ready To Rumble... With TAPS and Dare to Lead™? Are You Ready To Rumble... With TAPS and Dare to Lead™? Are You Ready To Rumble... With TAPS and Dare to Lead™? \| TAPS Terri Williams "I have watched over 300 TAPS Survivors graduate from our Dare to LeadTM program. Their growth, connection, and commitment to learn and help one another is a demonstration of the heart of the TAPS Community." ✯ Terri L. Williams, TAPS Senior Advisor and Dare to LeadTM Facilitator, Survivor of the 9/11 Attack on the Pentagon More than 300 TAPS
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Proud Memories Of Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Proud Memories Of Our Loved Ones Sharing Proud Memories Of Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sharing memories of our loved ones with others helps us heal. In this week’s message, survivors have shared occasions that bring pride into their lives when they think of their loved ones. Each event helps us create a mental picture of that special person. If you would like to send a note commenting on one or all of the respo
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Activities Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Activities Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Activities \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The idea for the question this week came from a discussion we had on the Tuesday general chat about activities that helped lift us from grieving. Debby, wife of Thomas was one of those participating in that chat. She talked about the quilts she makes, so I thought placing her beside one of her quilts would be a good way to open this week’s Saturday Morning Message. It is
Godwinks: Special Gifts From Our Loved Ones Godwinks: Special Gifts From Our Loved Ones Godwinks: Special Gifts From Our Loved Ones Bevin Landrum When I first came to TAPS, I had never heard the term “Godwinks.” I remember feeling quite confused when a co-worker mentioned a Godwink story in our staff meeting. The meaning of the term was clear from her experience of a special song coming on the radio at the exact moment she was feeling alone and missing her parents. The song had always been one she listened to with her mom. It seem
Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Memorial Day Activities Carol Lane Good Morning, This past week, I attended the 23rd Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in the D.C. area. TAPS Seminars are a time of reflection and connection as we talk with other survivors who walk this journey with us. It is great to meet others in person who have been a part of the Online Community throughout the year. TAPS has given its website a
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Saturday, November 18, 2023, is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day (also referred to as ISOSLD or Survivor Day). It is acknowledged as a day of healing throughout the world where all those impacted by suicide loss can connect, honor the lives of their loved ones, and share experiences of support, encouragement, and hope. According to the American Foundation for Suicid
Write On: How Sharing Your Story with TAPS Can Bring Healing to You and Fellow Survivors Write On: How Sharing Your Story with TAPS Can Bring Healing to You and Fellow Survivors Write On: How Sharing Your Story with TAPS Can Bring Healing to You and Fellow Survivors \| TAPS TAPS "[Storytelling] is, in and of itself, a coping skill we can use to heal our hearts." ~ Rachel Hunsell, surviving sister of U.S. Marine Corps Lance Corporal J. Kyle Price, and TAPS Program Manager, Outdoor Engagement Losing a loved one requires facing a full spectrum of emotions, some familiar, some o
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Saturday, November 19, 2022, is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day (also referred to as ISOSLD or Survivor Day). It is a day of healing throughout the world where all those impacted by suicide loss can connect with one another, honor the lives of their loved ones, and share experiences of support, encouragement, and hope. According to the American Foundation for Suici
TAPS Friendsgiving TAPS Friendsgiving TAPS Friendsgiving TAPS As we move further into Fall, we begin ushering in the holiday season and are reminded of the importance of family and community. This Fall, we are creating local, one day events across the country where survivors can connect and acknowledge the bittersweet nature of the holidays and the range of emotions that can come along with them. We call this TAPS Friendsgiving. Together, we will tell the stories of those who left empty seats at the table, and
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, commonly referred to as ISOSLD or Survivor Day, is on Saturday, November 20, 2021. It is declared as a day of healing throughout the world, where all those impacted by suicide loss can connect around the lives of their loved ones and share their experiences of support, encouragement, and hope. According to The American Foundation for
Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season \| TAPS Allison Gilbert We know holidays can be challenging for individuals who’ve lost loved ones, but they also offer opportunities for keeping memories alive. Below are three of my favorite ways to honor and celebrate the family and friends we never want to forget. Use Social Media If you can’t be with your family for the holidays, share memories of your love
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day, also known as ISOSLD or Survivor Day, is on Saturday, November 21, 2020, and is intended to be a day of healing throughout the world, where all those impacted by suicide loss can connect around the lives of their loved ones and the experiences of hope, support, and encouragement. According to The American Foundation for Suicide Pre
Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time \| TAPS Amy Tucci In life, we refer to our loved one’s possessions as their stuff and things. In death, they signify forever connections to cherished memories. – Rachel Kodanaz Rachel Kodanaz, whose husband, Rod, died suddenly when she was 31, knows of what she writes in her new and immensely helpful book, Finding Peace, One Piece at a Time. Kodanaz found intense meaning and intimacy in Rod’s belongings following his dea
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is on Saturday, November 23, 2019, and is intended to be a day of healing throughout the world, where all those impacted by suicide loss can connect around the lives of their loved ones and the experiences of hope, support, and encouragement. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (or AFSP) supports hundreds of community even
Sesame Street’s Resources for Grieving Military Families Sesame Street’s Resources for Grieving Military Families Sesame Street’s Resources for Grieving Military Families \| TAPS TAPS This year, Elmo, Big Bird and the rest of Sesame Street are celebrating 50 years of bringing quality educational programming to households everywhere. Since the show first aired in 1969, its mission is to help kids—including military surviving kids—everywhere grow smarter, stronger and kinder. Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit organization that produces Sesame Street,
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is on Saturday, November 17, 2018 and is intended to be a day of healing throughout the world, where all those who are affected by suicide loss can connect around the lives of their loved ones and the experiences of hope, support and encouragement. On this day, survivors will gather around the world in small and large events in local c
Keeping up with Your Benefits Keeping up with Your Benefits Keeping up with Your Benefits \| TAPS Kathy Moakler Sometimes it can be confusing to keep up with all the changes to survivor benefits. TAPS is here to keep you informed of new changes and to assist you with previous benefits. Here is an update on what’s new. New FEDVIP program for Dental and Vision Care Do you use the TRICARE Retiree Dental Program? This program will end on December 31, 2018 and be replaced by the Federal Employees Dental and Vision Insurance
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day is on Saturday, November 18, 2017 and is intended to be a day of healing throughout the world, where all those impacted by suicide loss can connect around the lives of their loved ones and the shared stories of hope, support, and encouragement. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention or AFSP, oversees more than 350 host location
Moments Captured Forever: Behind the Lens for TAPS Moments Captured Forever: Behind the Lens for TAPS Moments Captured Forever: Behind the Lens for TAPS Paige Williams Lenzy Ruffin has been a volunteer with TAPS since the 2016 National Military Survivor Seminar. He took amazing photos during the weekend event to capture the meaning and connection of the TAPS family. Since then, he also covered the Army Ten-Miler in October for Team TAPS. Before becoming a professional photographer, Lenzy served as a lieutenant in the U.S. Army. TAPS is so gra
New Policy Affects Surviving Children with Special Needs New Policy Affects Surviving Children with Special Needs New Policy Affects Surviving Children with Special Needs TAPS New legislation now allows eligible surviving children with disabilities and incapacitated adult dependents to have their Survivor Benefit Plan payment made to a Special Needs Trust. Previously, a Special Needs Trust did not qualify to receive payments from a survivor benefit plan. What it means for survivors who receive payments from a Survivor Benefit Plan Why is this i
Letters from TAPS: TAPS Seminars Letters from TAPS: TAPS Seminars Letters from TAPS: TAPS Seminars Emily Munoz Dear TAPS Family, When this issue reaches your hands, the holiday season will be upon us. While the rest of the world opens up with holiday spirit, those of us who are not at home in a world of celebration may be tempted to close ourselves off, shield ourselves somehow. Worn down by the powerful, insistent tug of how much is missing, we can feel out of place. We wonder if continuity of tradition will bring us
Letters from TAPS: From the Volunteer Coordinator Letters from TAPS: From the Volunteer Coordinator Letters from TAPS: From the Volunteer Coordinator Jerome Tennille Dear TAPS Family, Nearly twenty-eight years ago in 1985, the General Assembly of the United Nations designated December 5 of every year as International Volunteer Day. It is an annual celebration of all that is achieved by volunteers around the world. As we observe that special day and enter the season of winter holidays, with their emphasis on light and warmth and giving, I
The Poems of Sascha Wagner The Poems of Sascha Wagner The Poems of Sascha Wagner Betsy Beard This holiday season, if you are looking for a gift to give to yourself and perhaps to others who grieve, I would like to recommend The Poems of Sascha Wagner. It’s a volume of poetry sold exclusively by The Compassionate Friends (TCF). TCF was started in England almost forty-five years ago and has grown to become an international self-help organization offering friendship, understanding, and hope to families that have experienc
Running with the TAPS Family Running with the TAPS Family Running with the TAPS Family Regina Vitt When a family you know loses a spouse and a father, you want to do anything you can to make life easier for them. Sometimes, it can be difficult to find ways to help. Are you going to say or do something wrong? Are you going to be more of a burden than a help? Do they really want your help at the time? Other times, being able to help just comes naturally. I didn't give it a second thought when Rachael asked family and
Agency Over Agent Orange Agency Over Agent Orange Agency Over Agent Orange \| TAPS Claire Henline “Hey ‘CG’ Can I get you anything?” It was the question my dad always asked me when I was really sick. The kind of sick he could tell just by the look of me — a crumpled up little lump of ginger lethargy on the couch with my woobie — was not just the ‘7 to 2 get out of school flu’ I sometimes came down with. It came in a tone of deep sincerity and earnest determination to fix it however best he could. His hea
October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month \| TAPS TAPS This article was first published on the TAPS website on October 1, 2021 and has been updated with additional resources. As members of the TAPS family, we either know (or are learning) that even in the midst of heartache, we can find moments of comfort and connection. It doesn’t always come naturally - it isn’t easy to balance the needs of grieving and living. Yet, when we’re navigating major life transition
TAPS Care Groups: Finding Safety in Numbers TAPS Care Groups: Finding Safety in Numbers TAPS Care Groups: Finding Safety in Numbers Zaneta Gileno Sadness and grief are normal responses to loss. For many, especially those who suffer the unexpected or traumatic loss of a loved one, post traumatic stress compounds the grief response, making it even more difficult for surviving loved ones to integrate the loss into their lives. The need to be understood and to connect with others who understand is a key to finding hope and healing. TAPS
Children’s Books for the Summer Children’s Books for the Summer Children’s Books for the Summer Cheryl Kreutter By and large, the books reviewed here describe how empathy (an emotion) prompts compassion (an action). Each will appeal in different ways to different readers at different times. Characters are identifiable and real, and illustrations appropriately support the story, theme or concept. Most importantly, these are books that invite readers to discuss their own thoughts and feelings about loss as well as consider wa
Boxes in the Attic Boxes in the Attic Boxes in the Attic Betsy Beard Sorting, keeping, giving, and storing our loved ones’ personal effects Many of us have been faced with multiple shipments of personal effects from various corners of the world. Others of us are denied any access to the items that might help us feel more connected to our loved ones. Wherever we find ourselves on the scale of ownership of personal effects, the pain is immeasurable and long-lasting. I turned my head slightly as I drove, che
Stop, Look, Listen Stop, Look, Listen Stop, Look, Listen Darcie Sims When was the last time you did nothing? Do you ever just sit anymore? Do you ever just lie on your back in new mown grass and watch the clouds dance by? Do you ever chase after butterflies, trying to give them a message to carry? Or dangle your toes in a pond or watch kids dash through a sprinkler? Do you ever sit on a porch or patio and smell the grass, the flowers, the air? Do you even have a porch or patio and do you know what sitting
Military Children and Grief Military Children and Grief Military Children and Grief Betsy Beard Judith Mathewson Tina Saari and Heather Campagna After the flag is folded, and after the last echoing notes of Taps have sounded on the bugle, the overwhelming grief of losing a parent in military service comes to rest squarely on shoulders too small, too fragile, too young, and too inexperienced to bear the burden alone. Tucked away from the public spotlight, the grief following a military death continues for months and ye
Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story Faces of TAPS: Surviving Sister Ideliz Mora-Cruz’s Story \| TAPS TAPS Ideliz Mora-Cruz Faces of TAPS is a digital content series where, in their own words, survivors both celebrate the lives of their military loved ones and reflect on their personal grief journey. Ideliz Mora-Cruz is the surviving sister of Army SGT Geraldo Andre Mora Cruz, who died by suicide on March 15, 2015. Ideliz currently works as an Associate with the TAPS Surviv
From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg Vanessa Hanna-Verrett There are moments in life when exactly what you need meets you where you are. Some people credit this to a higher power, some give a nod to lucky stars, and others call it chance. Vanessa Hanna-Verrett, a TAPS Helpline associate, doesn’t believe anything happens by chance. Vanessa wasn’t always an associa
Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It \| TAPS Jon Ganues This piece originally appeared in the Real Stories blog of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I am a survivor of suicide loss, having lost a first cousin, a second cousin, and an Air Force son to suicide. I am also a survivor of suicide ideation. In 1993, while serving as a U.S. Army Warrant Officer, in the 82nd Airborne Division at
Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In my area of the country, fall is coming. This week’s question, combined with the leaves beginning to change color, made me think of a habit I still do that started with my son, Bryon, playing football in high school. Although I didn’t know much about the sport before he decided to play, I learned the names of many plays and what each player
Saturday Morning Message: Show Us How You Display Your Keepsakes Saturday Morning Message: Show Us How You Display Your Keepsakes Show Us How You Display Your Keepsakes \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The idea for today’s message came from Rachel, mother of Matthew, who sent a picture and wrote, “I wanted to express the emptiness in my heart. Since I'm not good with words and have always loved photography I decided on this. I felt these items best represented my ache at the time. I will forever have "boots in the house." Ra
Saturday Morning Message: To Continue Traditions or Not? Saturday Morning Message: To Continue Traditions or Not? To Continue Traditions or Not? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes it is comforting to go to a place that was special to you and your loved one. This is a photo of Lake Tahoe sent by a survivor, Debbie, spouse of Tom, for inclusion in an earlier Saturday Morning Message. She wrote, “Lake Tahoe will always be my happy place and its magic holds the most incredible memories of joy, happiness and true love th
TAPS In Action TAPS In Action TAPS In Action Candace Wheeler TAPS is committed to supporting and advancing policy and legislation to strengthen the families of America’s fallen military heroes. Our Policy Team listens to the concerns of our surviving military families and advocates on their behalf. We work to educate military and veteran organizations, Members of Congress, and policymakers within the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), Department of Defense (DoD), and other government agencies to ensure o
Make it Your Mission to Be There for Someone in Crisis Make it Your Mission to Be There for Someone in Crisis Make it Your Mission to Be There for Someone in Crisis \| TAPS Kim Ruocco September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and military units around the world are joining the Defense Suicide Prevention Office and its partners, including the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors and other organizations that are there for those who are struggling or are in crisis. Suicide is one of the
A New Role to Play A New Role to Play Honoring the Fallen By Helping the Next Generation \| TAPS William Wagasy A Navy SEAL from 2002 to 2012, I had three deployments to Iraq under my belt and had just finished a year-long deployment to Afghanistan when I returned to the United States. I served another six months in the military and transitioned to civilian life, and I was totally lost as to what to do next with my life. I wanted to unplug for a while. I didn’t want to answer to anyone. So, I moved from my du
Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Linda Ambard The Boston Marathon is going to be my 100th marathon on April 18th. It was never supposed to be my 100th marathon because 100 marathons is usually a time where people come and celebrate the milestone. My 100thmarathon was supposed to be about finishing the Bucket List I had when Phil was killed and starting a new Bucket List for the next chapter in my life. I figured five years would be time enough to be rea
Anxiety? What Anxiety? Anxiety? What Anxiety? Anxiety? What Anxiety? Jenna Henderson Eight and a half years after Chris’ death in Afghanistan, had anyone told me I would be still struggling to find a sense of normalcy, I would have laughed at him or her. Had anyone told me I would be struggling with anxiety some days that almost swallows me whole in one gulp, I would not have believed it. Up until two years ago, I had never had an ounce of anxiety or experienced anxiety or panic attacks in my life, not even for Chr
Beyond My Fears Beyond My Fears Beyond My Fears Linda Ambard A borrowed line from a song sums it up well. "People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years, but they don't see inside of me. I'm hiding all my fears." I've been afraid of my very first memories - afraid of fire, darkness, getting lost, fitting in, trying new things, you name it. I quake and feel slightly nauseated when I am confronted with new situations, decisions, predicaments and even surprises. I learned long ago, though, that waiting on
Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Linda Ambard So many people spend their lives in quiet desperation thinking of one day - someday. I was no different and, at times, I am still stuck in the rut of day-to-day responsibilities and routines. Mired in the frenetic pace and wanting more, never quite reaching that elusive someday, is exactly where I was when Phil was killed. I was happy sitting on the sidelines waiting, but I knew something was missing for me and for my life. When Phil married me,
I Was Married. I'm Widowed. I'm Still Married. I Was Married. I'm Widowed. I'm Still Married. I Was Married. I'm Widowed. I'm Still Married. Shanette Booker He was a tall caramel complexioned man. His smile lit up when he walked into the room. He had a sense of humor that would cheer a person up no matter their mood. His hugs melted away the bad and made your days better. He was born Andre Booker. I knew him as Dre; his military family knew him as Booker. He was a son, a brother, a father, a Marine, a Soldier, a friend, and my husband. Wh
Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Once Upon A Time Linda Ambard People often put off doing the things they want to do because they believe there will be a better time for it. I know that Phil and I put off those couple's only dates and vacations because we thought we had time. In fact, I pushed for a Phil and Linda vacation together before his deployment, but he wanted to wait because it wasn't his top priority. It became the desire of his heart while he was deployed, and we had plans for that magical day t
Life is a Gift Life is a Gift Life is a Gift Rachael Hill Every day I wear a black bracelet on my wrist with my husband's name on it. I never take it off. In some respect I feel like even though I had to take my wedding ring off, I still have this daily token to wear that continues to represent him. Sure it has his date of death on it, but it surprisingly doesn't remind me that he died, but rather that he lived! I wear my bracelet with pride. I get excited when people ask me about it, because it gives m
The 10 Year Anniversary The 10 Year Anniversary The 10 Year Anniversary Elizabeth Rozier Lately, I have been struggling with the subjects of my blogs. I write better when it comes from experience and emotion. But from fear of offending in an easily offended world, I have refrained from sharing from my deepest experiences. However, I think some of you can relate to the topic of faith and grief and trying to figure out where they can both exist in our lives together. So, hear my heart. I do not seek to offend, but si
The Mourner's Bill of Rights The Mourner's Bill of Rights The Mourner's Bill of Rights Alan Wolfelt As a bereaved person, you have certain rights that others must not take away from you. In fact, it is the very upholding of these rights that makes healing possible. 1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief. No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. Don't allow others to tell you what you should or should not be feeling. 2. You have the right to talk about your grief. Talking about your
The Day Before Our Last Day The Day Before Our Last Day The Day Before Our Last Day Shanette Booker I contemplated just how my 1 year mark would be…what I should expect…and how I think things will be for me. I think my thinking has driven me crazy, and I think that I always expect things to be worse than they are, considering Dre passed away just days after celebrating both his and our son’s birthdays. But then again my mother always said: “Thinking comes from not knowing”, and in this case she definitely was right.
What Your Kids Want You to Know What Your Kids Want You to Know Andy McNiel * Senior Advisor, TAPS Youth Programs After a life-altering loss, we — as parents and caregivers — want to know how to support our children, ensuring they grow into successful, happy, and healthy adults despite knowing grief. When they seem OK on the outside, we worry about thoughts and feelings we can’t see. And, even when they are outwardly distressed or their behavior indicates something more is happening, they may not necessarily be communica
You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part One You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part One You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part One \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Author's Note: I have been a grief counselor and educator for more than 40 years, and “crazy” is the most common way in which people describe their early grief to me. Let me assure you straight off: It is normal to feel crazy after a significant loss. But you’re actually not going crazy in the way you may think. What you’re doing is grieving. This six-part article series
Saturday Morning Message: Reasons for Joining the Military Saturday Morning Message: Reasons for Joining the Military Saturday Morning Message: Reasons for Joining the Military \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week is the front of one of the hotels that housed the TAPS 24th National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp this year. I thought this picture would capture the theme of this week’s message about why our loved ones joined the military. There were so many wonderful responses to this week’s question that I am going to
Saturday Morning Message: Inspirational Movies Saturday Morning Message: Inspirational Movies Saturday Morning Message: Inspirational Movies \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Movie titles were shared this week that provided support for those who responded. Each responder shared how the movie helped in a special way on the grief journey. Since I wanted to make sure their thoughts were highlighted, a decision was made to place a link for each movie to IMDb for the summary, etc. If you want to know more about a movie, just click on the title
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Saturday Morning Message: Thankful Thoughts and Holiday Tips Carol Lane Good Morning, As 2016 comes to a close, it is time for many of us to look at where we are now on our grief journey and what has helped us. This week, survivors have shared what they are thankful for in their own lives, and TAPS has pulled together resources on the TAPS website to assist survivors during this time from Thanksgiving to New Year's Day. You can re
Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Run and Remember Team: Finding the FUN in Fundraising Betsy Beard Since October of 2000 when the first Run and Remember Team of two runners raised nearly five thousand dollars, fundraising has been a part of the team’s efforts on behalf of TAPS. Not only do TAPS runners spend time training for the event, but they also use their skills and ingenuity to raise awareness and raise funds in support of the TAPS mission. Some runners run only
Dealing with the Media in Wake of Tragedy Dealing with the Media in Wake of Tragedy Dealing with the Media in Wake of Tragedy \| TAPS Ami Neiberger-Miller For many surviving families who have lost a loved one in the military, our interactions with the media are interwoven with our experiences in the days immediately after our loved one dies. We encounter the reporters on our front porch, field phone calls from the Associated Press, and might even scan pictures to share. As a seasoned public relations professional, I am no stranger
You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Five You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Five You’re Not Crazy — You’re Grieving — Part Five \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Editor's Note This is part five of a six-part series adapted from Dr. Alan Wolfelt's book, You're Not Crazy — You're Grieving. Parts one through four were published in the summer 2023, fall 2023, spring 2024, and summer 2024 issues of TAPS Magazine. In early grief, existential questions tend to naturally arise. Why did the person have to die? Why now? Why
How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss \| TAPS Erin Jacobson My senses were in overdrive. My ears filled with the sounds of my feet plodding on dirt and the swish of my arms against my backpack. I heard birds singing and the wind moving through the trees. My nostrils filled with the sharp scent of pine trees. The sun toasted my skin. All around me I could see the breathtaking beauty of Eastern Montana, but the sensation of burning muscles consumed me. I had m
Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering Please Say Their Name: The Importance of Honoring and Remembering \| TAPS Pamela Gabbay My father, Jerry Henry, was in the Army for my entire childhood. We lived all over the United States and in Germany. I really enjoyed being part of the larger military community. After he retired from the Army, he became a long-distance truck driver who drove an 18-wheeler. Late one night, he crashed his big rig on one of his many runs and di
Knowledge. Connection. Hope. Knowledge. Connection. Hope. The Journey of a Surviving Spouse and Her Daughters Through Illness Loss The Journey of a Surviving Spouse and Her Daughters Through Illness Loss \| TAPS Robyn Thomson Lieutenant Colonel Todd Thomson Lt. Col. Todd Thomson proudly served his country for 20 and a half years. The love he had for being a soldier made him get up in the morning; it made his wheels turn. As a logistics officer, he spent time on various posts in the U.S., South Korea, and Ira
On Memorial Day, We Honor Them On Memorial Day, We Honor Them On Memorial Day, We Honor Them \| TAPS Coleen Bowman Editor's Note: As we move into the month of May, we will be sharing a series of stories from survivors. To begin the month, surviving spouse Coleen Bowman shares her memories and thoughts on this sacred time, memories of the past, reflection on the present, and new traditions for the future. We invite you to share your Memorial Day thoughts or memories by sending your stories to editor@taps.org and also share o
From Caregiver to Survivor From Caregiver to Survivor: Finding New Purpose and Honoring Husband's Legacy From Caregiver to Survivor: Finding New Purpose and Honoring Husband's Legacy \| TAPS Coleen Bowman Editor's note: The TAPS Caregiver to Survivor program provides comfort and care to families whose military loved ones died following an illness. In 2019 alone, TAPS welcomed 2,000 survivors who experienced such a loss. We have developed our new program to focus on the complex nature of this grief, which often begins at
Grandma's Garden of Life Grandma's Garden of Life Grandma's Garden of Life \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell Surrounded by her family, boxes of seeds and bulbs, songs of Sunday morning worship and the sound of rain on her tin roof, my Grandma’s spirit left her earthly body on the morning of my brother’s birthday in 2017. The two are forever intertwined. I’d been working at TAPS for less than two months, facilitating our backcountry expeditions and sharing the healing power of nature with my fellow survivors. Just a few
How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus: Being Open and Honest Can Offer Reassurance How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus: Being Open and Honest Can Offer Reassurance How to Talk to Children About the Coronavirus: Being Open and Honest Can Offer Reassurance \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt As the coronavirus spreads across North America and our daily lives are transformed, we all must be aware of the need for good mental-health care. Obviously, it’s a stressful time. Families are confined to their homes. School is canceled. Many businesses are closed. Workers are being laid off e
Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt “Oh that it were possible, after long grief and pain, to find the arms of my true love around me once again.” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson Because the person who died is no longer there to share the holidays with you, you may feel particularly sad and vulnerable during Christmas, Hanukkah and other holidays that are special to your family. Don’t overextend yourself during the holidays. Don’
How I learned to stop asking why and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good How I learned to stop asking “Why?” and use my tragedy as a force for good \| TAPS Don Lipstein September is National Suicide Prevention Month. This article is the last of five stories by TAPS suicide loss survivors who wish to share lessons learned from their grief journeys. We invite you to share this story using the hashtag #SurvivorSunday. If you know or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, pleas
Professional and personal grief education at conference Professional — and personal — grief education at conference Professional and personal grief education at conference \| TAPS Karissa Kelley Once a year, the “giants” in the field of thanatology gather in one place for a whirlwind experience of education, networking and collaboration. Last week, I had the honor of representing TAPS at the 41st ADEC Conference in Atlanta, Georgia. The Association for Death Education and Counseling is the leading organization in thanatology, the study of death. AD
Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With A Sudden Change \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, As we learn to function after the death of a loved one, something unexpected may come along to upset us. Last week Cheryl, mother of Jack, wrote about her dog, Bear, who was a comfort pet. When he passed, she wondered how others have coped when another sudden loss occurs in their lives while healing. Sometimes nothing helps more than a big hug. The pic
Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Why We Need Both Solitude or Social Support in Grief? Why We Need Both \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt In many ways, grief is an experience replete with contradictions. We feel like time stops, yet time goes on. We can’t stop thinking about the death, yet we distract ourselves so we won’t think about it. We’re strong, yet we’re weak. We’re resilient, yet we’re vulnerable. Acknowledging and embracing these necessary contradictions (and others) is part of our work of
Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, There were so many interesting God winks sent this week that I think it will take two weeks to share these marvelous moments in our lives. If you have a God wink you would like to share after reading this week’s message, feel free to send it along. I will include it in the monthly Writers’ Circle that is sent to those who request it. The picture this week comes from Debra, wife
Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Saturday Morning Message: The Story Behind the Name Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, spring arrived in my part of the country. My favorite flower is the rose, so I thought I would send a picture to you today. Now that it is warmer, people in my neighborhood stop and talk when they're outside. When I was young, many people would talk about who they were named after and why. This has always been one of my favorite conversations. Survivors
Be Gentle With Me Be Gentle With Me Be Gentle With Me Linda Ambard I thought I knew how my life was going to play out. Sure, both Phil and I were going to grow old and die one day---one day far, far away. A day after a brief illness and a time to get one's affairs in order and to say goodbye to loved ones. Before that one day, some day in the far off future, there was so much more that was supposed to happen. We married when we were both very young and had more children than anyone else. Phil was a Staff S
How Are Pain and Love Connected? How Are Pain and Love Connected? How Are Pain and Love Connected? Franklin Cook As I sat with the other panelists in the opening session of my fourth TAPS National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar, and looked out at the sea of faces of those who had lost a loved one to suicide, I related strongly to the cumulative pain in the room. I often about the author speak about addictive behaviors as a way to numb pain, so I understand the idea that we wish we could escape from the pain of our grief.
Saturday Morning Message: Memories Saturday Morning Message: Memories Saturday Morning Message: Memories Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's message is laid out a bit differently. Since the picture this week is a picture Sue, mother of Marcus, sent in response to last week's question about sharing a memory of our loved ones, I thought it would be good to include her memory in the first part of the message. Here is her memory: "Oct. 25, 2007, started out like a normal Christmas day for our family. WHAT? Christmas in Oct
Healing and Hope After Suicide Healing and Hope After Suicide Healing and Hope After Suicide Iris Bolton Surviving the death of a dear one is to endure great pain. Surviving a suicidal death is to compound that pain, often with guilt, anger, and confusion. Fortunately, hope is on the horizon with of the growing knowledge about grief and traumatic loss. This hope is fueled by a new willingness to talk freely about death. The grief community is learning about the causes of suicide, helping to discover ways to assist with
Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Alan Wolfelt "When a grandchild dies, grandparents grieve twice. They mourn the loss of the child and they feel the pain of their own child's suffering. Sometimes we forget about the grandparents when a child dies. You can help by not forgetting, by offering the grandparents your love, support and presence in the weeks and months to come." ~ From Healing a Grandparent's Grieving Heart by Alan Wolfelt A child or
Is Suicide a Choice? Is Suicide a Choice? Military Widow Kim Ruocco on Spousal Suicide - TAPS News Kim Ruocco The National Veterans Crisis Line (800-273-8255) is available 24/7 to TAPS survivors. It is confidential and can connect you with local resources. The TAPS helpline (800-959-8277) is available for peer-based grief support. There are so many questions following a death by suicide. How could this happen? Why did this happen? Why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I do something? Why didn’t the military do more?
Normal Isn’t Normal Anymore Normal Isn’t Normal Anymore Normal Isn’t Normal Anymore Betsy Beard I used to believe, along with author Patsy Clairmont who wrote a humorous book of the same title, that Normal Is Just a Setting on Your Dryer. But it seems like so much more to me, now. When our son died, "normal" flew out the window and hasn't returned. And because of its departure, leaving confusion, chaos, and disarray in its wake, the concept of normal seems far more important now than just a setting on the dryer. And not
Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Betsy Beard You Can’t Take It With You It is said that one of the tasks of grieving is to relocate the loved one from being a physical presence to that of residing in our hearts and memories. It is not an easy task. And we really don’t want to do it. We just want them to come home and walk in the door. And after a few years, we get it. They’re not coming home. They won’t be watching this movie, reading that book, or wearing those clo
Feelings In the Spaces of My Heart For Which There Are No Words Feelings In the Spaces of My Heart For Which There Are No Words Feelings In the Spaces of My Heart For Which There Are No Words Linda Ambard When Phil's candle burned out far too early, I snuffed out a part of me with him. In the 23 years of marriage, I found a safe harbor to weather the storms in. Before I met Phil, I didn't have laughter in my life and I yearned for a place to call home. Marrying a military man meant that my idea of home changed from a location to a concept. Home was wh
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good Morning, This is a time many come together with friends and family to share holiday recipes and memories. For many survivors, it can also be a time of sadness. Contemplating what you might do to pay tribute to your loved one might can ease those feelings. Honoring your loved one can be on a traditional holiday or one that is special just to your family and friends. This week s
Welcome Home Welcome Home Welcome Home Donna Elm Creating a New Family Refuge We are psychologically tethered to those we love. When they die, we are cut loose from those firm moorings, so we feel adrift, disoriented. When people ask how we are doing, the answer is certain: “We are lost.” We lost Mike on October 14, 2011. On a mission in Afghanistan, he never saw the IED buried in the dirt that he was crossing. We were notified the next morning. For the previous ten months, I had been on the edge of m
Coping with the Holidays Coping with the Holidays Coping with the Holidays TAPS Advice from TAPS Survivors Sometimes people expect us to plaster a smile on our faces and go about the holidays as if nothing were wrong. They don’t understand that every day is a challenge for us, especially in the early years and especially during the winter holiday season. Here are some honest observations from TAPS survivors about coping with the holidays. Although we may have different faith backgrounds and different relationships t
Gaining Strength on the Journey Gaining Strength on the Journey Survivor Father Finds Hope at TAPS Seminar - TAPS News Andy Weiss Remembering, Celebrating, and Sharing with TAPS My family attended the 19th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar last May. It was an inspiring weekend with our fellow travelers in loss. I marvel at how far this river has swept me downstream from where I first fell in, drowning in my grief. How far I’ve gone and how changed I am! I lost my son, Army First Lieutenant Danny Weiss, on M
Grief 101: Advice to New TAPS Survivors Grief 101: Advice to New TAPS Survivors Grief 101: Advice to New TAPS Survivors TAPS The Saturday Message is a letter that comes through email to TAPS parents, spouses, siblings, and friends. It includes thoughts from the survivors themselves. When one asks a question, the others are free to respond. Asked recently what advice they would give to a newly bereaved person, TAPS survivors responded with powerful and diverse answers. DEB BONN Surviving mother of Ensign Elizabeth Bonn This will
Love and Grief Love and Grief Love and Grief Alan Wolfelt Living as You Were Meant to Live “We are all mirrors unto one another. Look into me and you will find something of yourself as I will of you.” ~ Walter Rinder Love is a sacred partnership of communion with another human being. You take each other in, and even when you are apart, you are together. Wherever you go, you carry the person inside you. Communion means the sharing or exchanging of intimate thoughts and feelings, especially on a spiritual l
She Said, He Said She Said, He Said She Said, He Said Chris Sweet Danielle Balmer Sweet Tech. Sgt. Ryan A. Balmer died June 5, 2007, in Kirkuk, Iraq. He was assigned as Special Agent to the Air Force Office of Special Investigations. Tech. Sgt. Jessica Sweet died February 12, 2009, five months after she was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. She Said “How am I supposed to kiss you goodbye tomorrow at the airport knowing it might be the last time I see you?” As Ryan stood there that night with his
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel Finding meaning in involvement…again After this article was written, Congress passed bipartisan legislation and presented it to the President on January 1, 2013. Included in the legislation is a provision to establish an Open Burn Pit Registry at the VA. 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet; all are sleeping but me. Austin’s been dead for more than three years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of
Introducing Alice Daniel Introducing Alice Daniel Introducing Alice Daniel Alice Daniel "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh Only sadness has consumed my life more than the word WHY. I came into this world a “daughter.” My father died at 39 years old. I was 12. I thought my world had come to an end. Surely there was no greater pain that could be suffered than to lose your parent.
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet, all are sleeping but me. He’s been dead over 3 years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of 26 years. Don’t believe I could have done it early on, but it seems like a good move now. It was painful to watch the little boys in our subdivision chase snakes and frogs in the “coulee”. My boys used to do that, coming in for snacks with billy goat sweat on their noses
In Search of Joy In Search of Joy In Search of Joy Darcie Sims Finding Your Way Through the Darkness Do you know how long it took me to allow laughter and joy to return to my life? Do you know how far it is from this side of the page to your side? Do you know how difficult it is to write about death? It was a long journey. It took me thirty years to get from your side of this page to mine...a long time...actually a whole lifetime! I liked my other life. In fact, I loved it! I hadn't intended to be h
When the Bough Breaks When the Bough Breaks When the Bough Breaks Colleen Betlach Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter Note: All reviews are the opinions of the reviewer and do not constitute an endorsement on the part of TAPS. I have always been an avid reader. I love books and literature for education and fantasy. Even as my bookshelves filled up, I obtained more. I loved the feel of being in a room full of books, and I was on my way to creating libraries in each room of our home. Whenever I had a pr
Out of Tragedy Out of Tragedy Out of Tragedy Bonnie Carroll TAPS Created to Help Military Survivors Cope Almost 2000 service members make the ultimate sacrifice each year. Many die in sudden, violent, and often well-publicized events. And while conventional wisdom dictates that the newly bereaved not make any quick, dramatic, permanent decisions in the first year, the military survivor must face moving from base housing, and the men and women who lose a fellow servicemember must continue to fly, fight, and
Words Will Never Be Enough Words Will Never Be Enough Ava Henrickson, Surviving Mother of U.S. Army SSG Adam Henrickson First Sergeant Ryan Teter’s 20-year military career in the Colorado National Guard has been peppered with many memorable and commendable acts of service. For months at a time, he was called away from his family, serving in Korea, Iraq, Bahrain, and Afghanistan — not to mention the training and temporary duties in between. As a leader, he’s shaped the careers and attitudes of younger soldiers, while p
Honor to Serve Honor to Serve Honor to Serve \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg At Trinity Episcopal Church in The Woodlands, Texas, you’ll find a flag retirement box that stands to collect flags that have grown too worn and weathered to continue to fly. The box tells the story of a life lived in service to others and the lasting bond between a sister and her brother. Grace Kotalik, of Scouts BSA Troop 1777 — this box’s creator — explains the symbolism behind her design: “I selected several elements for the box de
International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Saturday, November 23, 2024, is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day (also referred to as ISOSLD or Survivor Day). As a national nonprofit founded in 1994, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), is a peer-based grief support organization serving all who are grieving the death of a service member or veteran. In 2008, the TAPS Suicide Prevention and Postventio
Healing Trauma in Military Survivors Healing Trauma in Military Survivors Healing Trauma in Military Survivors \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton June is PTSD Awareness month June is awareness month for PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder), making it critical to talk openly to create the understanding and encouragement needed to seek care and treatment. Trauma can be experienced in people of all ages and demographics, resulting from various life events such as: natural disasters, accidents, crime, war, medical or life-threateni
Hope for the Holidays: Practical Ideas for Healing Your Holiday Grief Hope for the Holidays: Practical Ideas for Healing Your Holiday Grief Practical Ideas for Healing Your Holiday Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Holidays are often difficult for anyone who has experienced the death of someone loved. Rather than being times of family togetherness, sharing and thanksgiving, holidays can bring feelings of sadness, loss, and emptiness. Since love does not end with death, holidays may result in a renewed sense of personal grief—a feeling of loss unlike that experienced
Navigating Conversations around Grief and the Holidays Navigating Conversations around Grief and the Holidays Navigating Conversations around Grief and the Holidays \| TAPS Rachel Kodanaz Most conversations between two or more people are casual and engaged to exchange ideas, thoughts, or emotions. In most cases, discussions are straightforward and timely– based on current events, shared experiences, or future planning. However, navigating, and often tiptoeing, around conversations during the holiday season is essential to remain conscientious of t
Never Forgotten: teams4taps and NFL Salute to Service Never Forgotten: teams4taps and NFL Salute to Service Never Forgotten: teams4taps and NFL Salute to Service \| TAPS Jessica Harper In a year of unprecedented challenges and difficulties, teams4taps and the NFL’s Salute to Service program continued to shine a light on the power of sports to unite people and create hope. 2020 was a year like no other. So perhaps it’s not surprising that our 2020 NFL Salute to Service events were also like no other. From telepresence robots, zoom parties, and “h
PGA Tour Superstore Brings TAPS Families Together PGA Tour Superstore Brings TAPS Families Together PGA Tour Superstore Brings TAPS Families Together \| TAPS TAPS Survivors Share Past and Present Memories at Special Golf Experiences In honor of Military Appreciation Month, teams4taps and the PGA TOUR Superstore joined forces to create events for survivors to honor their military loved ones through their favorite sport— golf! Survivors attended a wide range of events all across the country, where they attended PGA tournaments, got fit for new
3 C’s for Holiday Grief 3 C’s for Holiday Grief 3 C’s for Holiday Grief \| TAPS Kenneth Doka For those who are grieving, the holidays can be unfamiliar terrain. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa, this time is filled with fond remembrances of loved ones who are on your mind yet absent from your traditions and rituals. Acknowledging the difficulties of holidays after loss does not make a potentially difficult time any easier, but preparing for the holidays by tapping into helpful coping strategies ma
Atop a Tower of Grief, a Place to Breathe Atop a Tower of Grief, a Place to Breathe Atop a Tower of Grief, a Place to Breathe \| TAPS Sonia Rai In the last few weeks, people all over the world have watched as the life they once knew, piece by piece, was stripped away from them. People have woken up every day to a world filled more and more with shadows. People have woken up to see the ever expansive landscape of their life become limited. They’ve bit by bit had to let go of things that are outside of their control and retreat furt
Forest Bathing: Why Soaking In Nature Can Improve Your Health Forest Bathing: Why Soaking In Nature Can Improve Your Health Forest Bathing: Why Soaking In Nature Can Improve Your Health \| TAPS Emily Munoz Forest bathing. Yes. You read that right. Forest bathing. For an easy, self-paced mindfulness exercise, we invite you to try forest bathing. I first heard about this Japanese mindfulness practice from my mother, Anna. She was attending one of our TAPS Inner Warrior Wellness Weekends when we posed a question to the group: How do you find quiet time? W
Honor in Every Season Honor in Every Season Honor in Every Season \| TAPS Allison Gilbert Excerpt from “Passed and Present – Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive” It is possible to look forward, to live a rich and joyful life, while keeping the memory of loved ones alive. There is no reason why remembering should be limited to a particular season or date on the calendar. Packing away your feelings until the “right” time of year honors neither your feelings nor your relationship. Celebrating your loved one can ha
Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story \| TAPS Kerry Ward As we navigate these uncertain times, I have found that there is a silver lining with spending more time in the house: it has forced me to focus on projects I hadn’t yet had time to tackle. As I cleaned out my hall closet, I found myself face-to-face with memories I hadn’t thought about in years. I called an old friend and told her about a specific photo th
Saturday Morning Message: When Sleep Is Hard to Find Saturday Morning Message: When Sleep Is Hard to Find When Sleep Is Hard to Find \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In this week’s Saturday Morning Message, survivors share strategies which help them when they are unable to sleep. When trauma comes into our lives, it throws our normal patterns into a tailspin. We have all been working with not only our individual grief, but also the National upset when COVID-19 came into our lives. Recently, I was having trouble sleep
Saturday Morning Message: Volunteer in service to others Saturday Morning Message: Volunteer in service to others Saturday Morning Message: Volunteer in service to others \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, TAPS is one of many rewarding organizations where you can volunteer your time. The opening picture is from this year’s 25th Annual National Military Survivor Seminar showing the bright yellow shirts and welcoming smiles of two volunteers who attended and shared their time. One way to volunteer for TAPS is with the Peer Mentor Program. Charlene
Saturday Morning Message: Survivor Tips For Tough Times Saturday Morning Message: Survivor Tips For Tough Times Saturday Morning Message: Survivor Tips For Tough Times \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Compassion is the main ingredient in helping to get through tough times. The picture today shows two people just listening to each other. I have found friends from different parts of the country at a TAPS event with whom I continue to stay in contact. Last week I posted a link to finding an event close to you, but there might be something farther awa
Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort Saturday Morning Message: Words of Comfort \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, One thing that many survivors think is helpful is a listening ear. That is where our TAPS family is so special. We are just waiting to hear about your loved one and offer you support when you most need it. There are so many ways TAPS can help you as you walk on this grief journey. This picture was taken at the Northeast Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in New Jer
Bereaved Military Families Come Together in New Jersey Bereaved Military Families Come Together in New Jersey Bereaved Military Families Come Together in New Jersey \| TAPS Victoria Leoni Maxine Gilson of Atlantic Highlands traveled to New Brunswick this weekend for a very special family reunion. Just 30 miles from where she and her husband, Paul, live in her home state of New Jersey, she reunited with a family that has supported her ever since the death of her Navy son more than nine years ago. That family is TAPS, the Tragedy Assistance Program
Saturday Morning Message: Fall Plans Saturday Morning Message: Fall Plans Saturday Morning Message: Fall Plans \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Last week we shared the article “Making Summer Memories” by surviving spouse Elizabeth Culp. In the article, she wrote, “Planning provides something positive to focus thoughts and energy on.” I’m sharing here a photo of a hydrangea bush, my favorite. One of the reasons I like it is that it provides a focus in my yard and it will keep its flowers into the winter. Then in the spring, I mu
Saturday Morning Message: Benefits of TAPS Seminars Saturday Morning Message: Benefits of TAPS Seminars Saturday Morning Message: Benefits of TAPS Seminars Carol Lane Good Morning, In this picture, you can see the smiles on these survivors' faces as they hug each other. For me, that is the best part of attending a TAPS Seminar. I spend a lot of time on the computer, but when I go to a TAPS Seminar, I get to meet other survivors in person. We can go to the workshops and events that are planned or just sit, have a cup of coffee and talk for as
Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward. Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward. Companioning the bereaved is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward. Alan Wolfelt "Things come suitable to their time." - Enid Bagnold Many of the messages that people in grief are given are in opposition to stillness… "carry on;" "keep your chin up;" "keep busy;" "I have someone for you to meet." Yet, the paradox for many grievers is that as they try to frantically move forward, t
Kicking Off Our 21st Year - TAPS 2015 Winter in Review Kicking Off Our 21st Year - TAPS 2015 Winter in Review Kicking Off Our 21st Year - TAPS 2015 Winter in Review TAPS Happy March, America’s Family. We are thinking spring here as much as possible in D.C. after the latest ice storm. It has been a cold winter here, but there’s been so much to warm our hearts this past month as the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) geared up for our twenty-first year of caring for the families of America’s fallen heroes. Our staff has put toget
Love, Loss, and Legacy Love, Loss, and Legacy Don Lipstein Turning Loss into Legacy - TAPS News Don Lipstein For more information on becoming a peer mentor or requesting a peer mentor, visit the TAPS Peer Mentor Program page. In some ways March 15, 2011, seems like yesterday and in others it feels like an eternity ago. That was the day my life turned upside down. I was completely helpless as my oldest son Joshua, 250 miles away from me, hung the phone up before he took his own life. That moment in time is sea
National Bereavement Study: A Call to Action National Bereavement Study: A Call to Action National Bereavement Study: A Call to Action TAPS One of the recurring themes of grief is the feeling of isolation, the sensation that we are alone in the world and that no one understands what we are going through. At some point many of us find a way to “give sorrow words” as William Shakespeare wrote more than 400 years ago. We find our voice and want to be assured that someone is listening. The National Military Family Bereavement Study (NMFBS),
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Carol Lane Good Morning, Finding strategies that work while grieving can be exhausting. That is where TAPS can help. In addition to the message board, online Yahoo groups, peer mentors, and chats, there is a service from TAPS called the Community Resource Reports which are compiled and mailed to survivors about grief supports in their local areas. For more information about
Vice President and Dr. Jill Biden Surprise our TAPS Children at Camp Pendleton Camp Out Vice President and Dr. Jill Biden Surprise our TAPS Children at Camp Pendleton Camp Out Vice President and Dr. Jill Biden Surprise our TAPS Children at Camp Pendleton Camp Out TAPS Wow! What a week for our children who attended the TAPS/USO Good Grief Camp Out in Southern California sponsored in part by generous grants from Northrup Grumman! They were greeted to a surprise visit by the Vice President and Dr. Jill Biden. Each child had the opportunity to personally meet the Vice President and
TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign TAPS TAPS Supports the 'Got Your 6' Campaign, Works to Raise Awareness of Military Family Needs with Hollywood Connections As our nation pauses on the anniversary of D-Day to remember the service and sacrifice given by our veterans and their families, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) announces its participation in the recently launched “Got Your 6” campaign. The campaign is designed to mobilize
Living the Legacy: Picture the Fallen Living the Legacy: Picture the Fallen Living the Legacy ~ Picture the Fallen Jessica Dumont-Oatman It has recently occurred to me that we—all of us American citizens—are the legacy of our American soldiers. We owe them our lives—lives that must be lived to their fullest potential. And this is the greatest tribute we could possibly give. ~ Annette Bridges, freelance writer from Texas. A picture is worth a thousand words. That’s all I need to say when someone views the photo of my brother’
Run and Remember: 2011 Team Long Gray Line Run and Remember: 2011 Team Long Gray Line Run and Remember: 2011 Team Long Gray Line TAPS “Running for TAPS was a tremendously rewarding experience for me. The chance to honor Captain Doug DiCenzo and his surviving family was an incredible privilege and responsibility. I was so inspired by what I experienced being a part of TAPS that I knew after I crossed the finish line I would have to do everything I could to expand Team Long Gray Line for 2011.” ~ Taylor Mosera, West Point cadet and Team
The Emotional Journey through Grief The Emotional Journey through Grief The Emotional Journey through Grief Judy Tatelbaum When facing separation, loss, or death, we are invariably thrown into a turmoil of mixed and intense emotions. Some of these feelings may seem foreign or unexpected. Some are hard to bear. We may feel several different, sometimes conflicting, emotions all at once. We may expect to feel only sadness, but rarely is grief confined to a single emotion. Besides experiencing a mix of feelings like sadness, an
Tips for Self-Care Tips for Self-Care Tips for Self-Care Judy Tatelbaum Excerpted from: You Don’t Have to Suffer In the early months of grieving, it is easy to lose sight of the importance of taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially. Here are some easy ways to incorporate self-care into these difficult days. Diet A healthy, well-balanced diet of proteins, vegetables, fruit, grains, and a minimum of fats and sugars is important. We can educate ourselves on what
Holiday Healing for the Body, Mind, and Spirit Holiday Healing for the Body, Mind, and Spirit Holiday Healing for the Body, Mind, and Spirit Mary Jane Hurley Brant The holidays have arrived. Normally they are a time for family fun and celebration but when you are grieving the loss of someone who has died, the season is different: it is painful. Grieving is a long process. It takes time to heal from the loss of a loved one. When we are grieving, we can feel completely overwhelmed with sadness, overwhelmed with missing the beloved person
The Weight of Traumatic Loss The Weight of Traumatic Loss The Weight of Traumatic Loss \| TAPS Charles Figley Editor's Note: The words on trauma that follow are written with the veteran — the battle buddy — in mind, but combat is not the only route to traumatic grief. As you consider the symptoms of direct and indirect trauma and the weight that is often distributed across many shoulders in the wake of a traumatic loss, I encourage you to reach out to the TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline at 800-959-TAPS (8277)
988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Offers Hope, Connection and Support to Help Save Lives 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Offers Hope, Connection and Support to Help Save Lives 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Offers Hope, Connection and Support to Help Save Lives \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton We all can do our part at preventing suicide, starting with the resources to seek support and help from the new, “988” Suicide & Crisis Lifeline and Veteran’s Crisis Line (Veterans press1). The Transition to 988 on July 16, 2022 is an important step forward and offers an unprecedented opportuni
Grief is a Path Best Shared Grief is a Path Best Shared Grief is a Path Best Shared \| TAPS Perry Monroe We are all different in how our grief journeys unfold; and for me, my turning point came 13 years after the death of my son, U.S. Army Sergeant Christopher Taylor Monroe. For many years, I had held my emotions inside, with no one knowing of the losses I had suffered. Seeing how grief had affected those around me, I did my best to be the solid rock holding things together for everyone else. As a father, I w
The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It \| TAPS Sonia Rai The other day, someone asked me whether I would consider myself a widow. I know that people need labels, but honestly, I haven’t thought much into what I would call myself. Things have been confusing recently. The number of times that question has come up has caused me to ask myself what John and I were. What was he to me and me to him? Was he my “boyfriend?” No… the word itself sounds so trivial. The word
Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process Returning to Work: Routine Can Help the Healing Process \| TAPS Rachel Kodanaz Returning to work may be daunting to someone who has just suffered the death of a family member or close loved one. Mustering the courage to re-engage in normal daily activities feels so distant, yet it has been proven that returning to work, school or worship plays a significant role in well-being. When returning to work after my husband, Rod, suddenly passe
What It Means To Hold Space for Someone What It Means To Hold Space for Someone What It Means To Hold Space for Someone \| TAPS Heather Plett The Transformative Effect Of ‘Being There’ For Others Editor's Note: This article was orginally published on Heather's website on March 15, 2015. When my Mom was dying, my siblings and I gathered to be with her in her final days. None of us knew anything about supporting someone in their transition out of this life into the next, but we were pretty sure we wanted to keep her at home. S
A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed A Second Chance and a Family Healed \| TAPS Perry Monroe In 2018, I visited the TAPS website and saw that registration for the Montana Men’s Retreat would be opening soon. I set the alarm on my phone and computer. If I did nothing else that year, I was going to do this. The second registration opened, I signed up. When I received confirmation, I was beyond excited. My excitement was a direct result of an encounter I had with Medal of Honor recipient Her
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets The Comfort of Pets \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture this week is of Dandelion, my daughter’s cat. She loves animals, but wasn’t able to have a cat when she lived at home, because I am allergic. So the minute she moved into her own place, this is the cat she chose from the shelter. This week more survivors shared stories and pictures of their beloved pets. For those of us who have pets, they offer mu
Waking Up to Gratitude Waking Up to Gratitude Waking Up to Gratitude \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt I’ve become a fan of sunrises. Before COVID-19 changed all of our lives, my busy travel and teaching schedule had me hopping. Most mornings after I woke up, I went straight to work. I had a love-hate relationship with the adrenaline of stress. I was a slave to emails, itineraries, deadlines, and flight schedules. Now I’m in limbo. With most of my presentations postponed or canceled, I’m home. I have time to linger over my morn
7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays 7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays 7 Ways to Help Grieving Children During the Holidays \| TAPS Heather Stang Grief during the holidays serves up a perfect storm where joyous memories crash against reality and expectations, something that is especially tough when it’s a child who’s grieving. I know this firsthand. On October 18, 1977, my uncle Doug died by suicide. I was 7 years old. While I don’t remember the specifics of the Thanksgiving and Christmas that followed, what I
Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors Saturday Morning Message: The Compassion of TAPS Mentors \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Volunteers are important to TAPS. This week the focus is on the group called mentors. TAPS legacy and military mentors contribute by giving children support as they participate in TAPS programs. Peer mentors are survivors who are 18 months beyond their own loss and have been trained by peer professionals. They are ready to offer a hand to others,
The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support The Critical Importance of Seeking Support \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Learning from the Geese If there is ever a time in life when we need others to support and nurture us, it’s when someone we love dies. In many ways, grief work is the most difficult work we will ever do. And hard work is less burdensome when others lend a hand. Sharing the devastation that results from the death of someone precious won’t make the hurt go away, but it does make it more b
Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey Saturday Morning Message: Books Help Our Grief Journey \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Reading can be very beneficial for those who are grieving. In today’s response section, readers shared their thoughts about how books have been helpful on their grief journey. The lead picture is from the book titled Healing Your Grieving Heart After a Military Death by Bonnie Carroll and Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. Clicking on the title will take you to t
Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Gloria Horsley Military families know resilience. Moves from base to base and long deployments can weigh on the family unit. But, for grade schoolers, constantly leaving friends and starting new schools where they don’t know anyone is an additional pressure. On top of that, when a family member or loved one is lost in the military, there is an incredible amount of trauma. Maybe your child has to change schools after you’ve
Saturday Morning Message: Activities to Deal with Grief Saturday Morning Message: Activities to Deal with Grief Saturday Morning Message: Activities to Deal with Grief Carol Lane Good morning, Dealing with our loved ones not being here can be isolating and lonely. Activities can not only help your grief but also create a way to show others that it is all right to share memories of your loved one. Some survivors find something about which they are passionate and do that to honor their loved ones. Others find it difficult to decide what to do. I w
Saturday Morning Message: Finding Healing Through Volunteering Saturday Morning Message: Finding Healing Through Volunteering Saturday Morning Message: Finding Healing Through Volunteering Carol Lane Good morning, Volunteers are fundamental in any organization. TAPS uses volunteers in a variety of ways. At the seminars, there are those who come to TAPS to do any project needed to be done. Good Grief Camp mentors for TAPS children are active duty or veteran service members who volunteer their time. Then there are those survivors who are more than 18 mont
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this week is the card that Carmen, mother of Charles wrote about later in the message. I thought it was so special that it deserved to be the first thing people saw when they opened this week’s Saturday Morning Message. Survivors shared the many different ways they they honor their loved ones. I thought I would add mine as well. This Saturday Morning M
Saturday Morning Message: Introducing Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Introducing Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Introducing Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good morning, At every seminar, there is a wall to place pictures of our loved ones, so we can all view them. Now on the new TAPS website, there is a place called the Memorial Hero Wall. When you enter this section, you will not only see pictures of those special people, but you can add a picture of your loved one to the page. This was the inspiration for today’s Saturday Morn
Saturday Morning Message: Peer Mentor Reflections Saturday Morning Message: Peer Mentor Reflections Saturday Morning Message: Peer Mentor Reflections Carol Lane Good Morning, The TAPS Peer Mentor program is a gift for both the mentors and the survivors who become connected. At the beginning of my grief journey, TAPS was smaller and there were many who reached out to act as mentors when I called. The picture today is of my good friend, Darcie D. Sims, Ph.D., CHT, CT, GMS, and me at a TAPS National Seminar, where she spoke to everyone who was
Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Stress Reduction Strategies Carol Lane Good morning, The picture this week is from a TAPS seminar. I was inspired to use it by the suggestions given by several survivors this week. I had not thought about cooking as a way to manage stress, but you will read more in the Answers from Survivors section. TAPS is constantly working on events and programs to help survivors on their journey. As you read this, think a
Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today is of a rose poinsettia that is sitting on my dining room table. I wanted to share it with you as this is one way I take some time just to enjoy what I like. I wander through our local garden center and look at all the beautiful flowers. Many of you know I live in the northern part of our country, so the winter can be very drab without color. Every