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Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Stephanie Frogge The searing pain of loss envelops us completely in the days and weeks and months following the death of our beloved, whether that person was our son, daughter, brother, sister, husband, wife, daddy or mommy, or significant other. The pain effectively keeps us focused on ourselves and the unique relationship we had with the person who is now gone forever from our earthly lives. It is hard to cope with our own
Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With Multiple Deaths Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With Multiple Deaths Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With Multiple Deaths \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Dealing with one death can be very difficult, but when you are faced with the loss of more than one family member or friend, you can find yourself in greater difficulty. For me, taking the time to reach out for support is the best thing I can do for myself. Participating in one of the various online chats that TAPS has is one way to find support. There
Promises Promises Promises Linda Ambard Sometimes I feel like a poser playing a part upon the stage. This isn't supposed to be my life. At times, times like now, I can barely recognize the girl I have become. The person I have become was so far from my realm of possibility that it literally brings me to my knees at times. How could a quiet homebody become the girl with a voice? How is it that I am considered to be a subject matter expert in military loss and resiliency when my life before was bei
Saturday Morning Message: Songs of the Heart Saturday Morning Message: Songs of the Heart Saturday Morning Message: Songs of the Heart Carol Lane Good Morning, Songs are one artistic form that can become special for survivors. This week, members of our TAPS family shared songs that are meaningful to them. I hope you enjoy the responses Do you have a song close to your heart? Share with us here and also visit TAPS Facebook. This message will appear there and you can add your comment and a special song. The question for next week is
Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 \| TAPS Linda Goldman Children and teens have had their world turned inside out during the coronavirus pandemic. The familiar has turned foreign, the expected has vanished, and the world as kids knew it pre-COVID-19 has transformed into a surreal new normal. Overwhelmed by virtual classes, home quarantine, cleanl
Seminar: National 30th Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp 30th Annual National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS In celebration of our 30th TAPS Anniversary, we are hosting our two annual events together over Memorial Day weekend! The National Military Survivor Seminar and the National Military Suicide Loss Seminar will join together as a part of our continued commitment to honor all those who have served and died. This special commemorative event invites
Army Strong: One family’s proud tradition of service since the Civil War Army Strong — One family’s proud tradition of service since the Civil War Army Strong — One family’s proud tradition of service since the Civil War \| TAPS Sue Sawyer Note: As the U.S. Army celebrates its 245th birthday on June 14, soldiers and Army families reflect on the rich legacy of the first established service branch. Our family rarely talked about military service when I was growing up. It was only after my son joined the Army that I learned it’s been in our DNA since the 19th cent
Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness Linda Ambard How does a person forgive the unforgivable? Almost four years ago, my Phil was taken from me in the very worst way possible, by someone he liked and trusted. With the death of Phil, I lost everything I had built for my life and future. I assumed we would grow old together, welcome grandchildren together, and even bury parents together. I expected It be able to say goodbye when the time came. I never thought I would be a young widow. Sometimes, forgivene
Celebrate Life Celebrate Life Celebrate Life Sherry Viray It was past midnight, the day after my brother died when my phone suddenly rang. By that time, I was already half asleep. Usually when I sleep, I have the phone set on silent. The world could end and I wouldn't care. I needed my sleep as I rarely get any. So I ignored the call. I didn't even get up to see who was calling me so late on a weeknight. Little did I know, only a few hours later when I returned the call, the world I knew actually did end an
Always the Atlantic Always the Atlantic Always the Atlantic Michele Hiester Marcum I have always loved the ocean. I love the mysterious life that teems below her surface and the sandy beaches she hugs. I crave the sunshine that never strays too far from her expanse. I am intrigued by the abrupt changes in her direction and the intensity with which she approaches the shoreline. Sometimes she drifts in with an unexpected tranquility, carrying with her all sorts of treasures to be discovered. And sometimes she
Memorial Day Memorial Day Memorial Day Michele Hiester Marcum School’s out! School’s out! Teachers let the monkeys out! I remember many years ago, when that sing-song sentiment ushered in Memorial Day Weekend each year. Ahhh… the start of summer! Late nights splashing in backyard pools, slurping watermelon, and chasing lightning bugs, followed by lazy mornings spent sleeping in. Memorial Day meant a parade of flag-waving politicians and patriotic band kids, marching from downtown all the way to the cem
Inner Warrior: Virginia TAPS - Band of Runners Trail Running Camp TAPS Trail Running Camp Already Registered? Manage My Events TAPS survivors, military mentors, volunteers and others within the TAPS family are invited to join us at the TAPS - Band of Runners Trail Running Camp. Learn how trail running can strengthen your heart, your legs, and your connections with nature and community at our first-ever partnership with Band of Runners. All types of runners in the TAPS family, from beginners to experienced, are welc
Honor to Serve Honor to Serve Honor to Serve \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg At Trinity Episcopal Church in The Woodlands, Texas, you’ll find a flag retirement box that stands to collect flags that have grown too worn and weathered to continue to fly. The box tells the story of a life lived in service to others and the lasting bond between a sister and her brother. Grace Kotalik, of Scouts BSA Troop 1777 — this box’s creator — explains the symbolism behind her design: “I selected several elements for the box de
Kickin 2 Stay Kickin 2 Stay Kickin 2 Stay \| TAPS Jennifer Milling Surviving Family Hosts a Kickball Tournament to Spread Suicide Awareness Following Their Own Loss My father died by suicide on September 13, 2022, his grandson’s birthday. In the wake of this traumatic loss, we were left with so many unanswered questions — the swirling “why” questions, of course, but there were others. What were we supposed to do next? Who could help us? Who would direct us on this “new normal” path we were suddenly w
Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents \| TAPS Angel Pansini Reading books written by other survivors is a healing companion to loss. Whether we are reading about a lighthearted recollection of the life of a service member or confronting the pain of someone’s loss that closely mirrors our own, reading these stories can help us navigate the ups and downs of our own grief. Here are three books for the adult reader, and two written for
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Because it is Thanksgiving weekend, this Saturday Morning Message features a list of resources TAPS provides that I am thankful for as a survivor. Since a list of all the programs would make this message too long, I've only included some of the programs, but you can learn about all TAPS programs at http://www.taps.org. The picture today is from the TAPS website showing a surviv
Session Descriptions 30th National Military Survivor Seminar Session Descriptions \| TAPS Session Divider Line Schedule: Friday, Saturday, Sunday Session - Open Art Studio Schedule: Friday Afternoon Header Session Div Spacer Session - Managing Grief, Regret and Difficult Emotions Session Div Spacer Session - First Aid for the Grieving Heart Session Div Spacer Session - Grief Can Do THAT? Session Div Spacer Session - What to Expect When Your Child is Grieving Session Div Spacer Session - Building Emotional Resilience
Suicide: The Aftermath Suicide: The Aftermath Suicide: The Aftermath Madeline Lambrecht Guidance from a fellow survivor The latest reports for 2009 show an increasing number of suicides in all branches of the military with the largest increase in the Army. Figures from 2008 show the military suicide rate exceeding the civilian suicide rate for the first time. Suicide Survivors . . . Suicide survivors are spouses, children, parents, siblings, grandparents, military buddies, friends—all who had a relati
I Never Got to Know You… I Never Got to Know You… I Never Got to Know You… Betsy Beard Those of us who have lost a loved one know what it is like to be left holding up our end of a relationship in which the person who died is no longer able to contribute in a meaningful, vocal, earthly, timely fashion. As adults, we cling to the connections we had, the memories we shared, the life we once lived. We touch the physical reminders of our loved one: clothes, “toys,” pictures, favorite belongings. And we strain to remember
Dressed Blues Dressed Blues Dressed Blues \| TAPS Kathleen Doll Cristofaro Standing silent, motionless, Dressed in Blue, I stand at attention, my salute crisp, as I snap to I stand rigid A statue of respectful pride In memory of this young soldier Who has died Suddenly I shiver; my body starts to sway As the mournful song Of taps begins to play Standing alone, unbendable, and tall Only then in silence do I allow My farewell Salute to fall I struggle to erase this moment That I am forced to see F
Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, My resolution comes from the many years I have been connected with TAPS. I look forward to working with all of you and welcome you to the new year of Saturday Morning Messages. My resolution this year is to attend more TAPS events, so I can get to know some of you in person. I know you will enjoy reading survivors’ resolutions in this week’s edition.
In Between Days In Between Days In Between Days Noreen Doloughty The stretch of time between Father's Day and the anniversary of my dad's death is a rest stop along my journey each year. I was eight months old when my dad, Army SSG James C. Doloughty was killed in Vietnam. He served in Alpha Company of 1st Battalion, 502ndInfantry, 101st Airborne Division. My dad stepped forward to rescue the wounded, until he himself was wounded, in an ambush on July 8, 1969 in the foothills west of Tam Ky. He died the foll
Love, Loss, and Legacy Love, Loss, and Legacy Don Lipstein Turning Loss into Legacy - TAPS News Don Lipstein For more information on becoming a peer mentor or requesting a peer mentor, visit the TAPS Peer Mentor Program page. In some ways March 15, 2011, seems like yesterday and in others it feels like an eternity ago. That was the day my life turned upside down. I was completely helpless as my oldest son Joshua, 250 miles away from me, hung the phone up before he took his own life. That moment in time is sea
Keeping Pace Keeping Pace Keeping Pace Rachael Hill On October 26th, 2014 I ran the Marine Corps Marathon with TAPS, my second ever full marathon! Now I have never claimed to be a runner, but completing a marathon had always been on my bucket list. The way I see it if you can run a marathon, you can do just about anything! While training for this marathon, I had to complete many long runs, and while on these long runs my mind would often wander through all sorts of things. One run even brought me to the r
In My Dreams In My Dreams In My Dreams Linda Ambard I am nearing the three year marker of my journey without Phil. I never thought I could make it through a day without knowing he was in my life, but I am finding my footing and making my way. While I have grown increasingly confident in my footing and in my purpose for my future, I still yearn for the man who chose me even when it cost him so much. There has never been a day that I haven’t wanted to share something with him or that I hadn’t had a quiet
You Don't Know What You Don't Know You Don't Know What You Don't Know You Don't Know What You Don't Know \| TAPS Ryan Weaver Sharing Music, A Message, and Finding an Open Forum to Heal Country music artist and military veteran Ryan Weaver. Have you ever walked in to a room since you’ve lost your loved one and felt that anyone, much less everyone, really grasped how much you’ve been through? How many times have you felt strongly, if not more, for someone else’s loss that you focused on their loss as much as your own, ev
Fundraiser: Classic May Colorado Celebrity Classic Songwriters Show and Dinner Colorado Celebrity Classic This intimate evening of story-telling and singing with some of Nashville’s most acclaimed songwriters is a favorite of TAPS supporters. Featured artists this year include CMA winner and Grammy nominee, Billy Montana; #1 hit writer and producer, Brett Jones; #1 country chart songwriter, Rob Crosby; Grammy Award winner Frank Myers; and a new-comer to the TAPS stage, award-winning country chart singer and former US
Video: The Love Takes Action Series New York Life Video: The Love Takes Action Series New York Life Video: The Love Takes Action Series New York Life \| TAPS New York Life Foundation Terri Jones, Manager for the TAPS Survivor Care Team, shares her story about supporting surviving families who lost their military loved one. When Terri is not supporting and working with her TAPS family, she spends her downtime making masks for others during this COVID-19 crisis. Thank you to New York Life Foundation for their generous support of TAPS throughout
Video: Photographing Grief Video: Photographing Grief Video: Photographing Grief \| TAPS Institute Litsa Williams Eleanor Haley This workshop was recorded by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® at TAPS Headquarters in Arlington, Virginia and presented by What's Your Grief co-founders Litsa Williams and Eleanor Haley. This video recording of the workshop presents photography techniques and exercises for exploring and expressing your grief story. It is appropriate for anyone interested in using photography as a creat
Love Never Dies Love Never Dies Love Never Dies \| TAPS Anna Steg "You are not physically here to live your life, but I am and you are a part of me." Journal Entry: September 30, 2019 Mornings are always difficult. I usually wake up feeling well-rested, but then reality slowly starts to sink in. I roll over to cuddle you, but you are not there. I then look around the room and realize I am not in our townhouse. Instead, I find myself in a bedroom at my parents' house, packed with our belongings and many re
Waking Up to Gratitude Waking Up to Gratitude Waking Up to Gratitude \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt I’ve become a fan of sunrises. Before COVID-19 changed all of our lives, my busy travel and teaching schedule had me hopping. Most mornings after I woke up, I went straight to work. I had a love-hate relationship with the adrenaline of stress. I was a slave to emails, itineraries, deadlines, and flight schedules. Now I’m in limbo. With most of my presentations postponed or canceled, I’m home. I have time to linger over my morn
Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Suggestions from Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Suggestions from Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Suggestions from Survivors \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes just listening, sharing memories and knowing someone cares like the two women in this picture is the most supportive thing to do when someone is grieving. My neighbor lost her husband a few weeks ago and I used some of the ideas in this message to hopefully give some comfort. I hope you will find some good ideas as well in t
7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child Angela Miller Child loss is a loss like no other. One often misunderstood by many. If you love a bereaved parent or know someone who does, remember that even his or her “good” days are harder than you could ever imagine. Compassion and love, not advice, are needed. If you’d like an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime, here is what I’ve learned in my seven yea
Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Rachael Hill On May 19th I ran my first full marathon in Fargo, ND with the TAPS Run and Remember team. I have had people ask me, “Why would you want to run 26.2 miles? That’s crazy!” Yes, it is definitely crazy but in my mind if you can run a marathon, you can do anything! My running adventures began in the summer of 2009. We had been in Alaska for not quite a year and I randomly decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Jeff was always very supportive of what
TAPS Survivor Newsletter July 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter July 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter July 2024 TAPS Media TAPS Advisory Board Member Dr. Alan Wolfelt reminds us that telling our stories of love and loss helps us survive the pain of grief and begin to heal in a way that integrates our losses into our lives. At TAPS, we offer so many healing ways to share your loved one's story — whether a TAPS Magazine article, blog, or sharing in a group setting at a seminar, Care Group, or Online Group. Your story is unique, and you
Video: TAPS Peer Mentor and Suicide Survivor Shares His Story of Hope, Help and Healing Video: TAPS Peer Mentor and Suicide Survivor Shares His Story of Hope, Help and Healing Video: TAPS Peer Mentor and Suicide Survivor Shares His Story of Hope, Help and Healing \| TAPS Jon Ganues Suicide survivor and TAPS Peer Mentor Jon Ganues shares how giving back to those in his community and to other survivors of suicide loss has helped him heal, grow and honor his son. If you’ve lost a military loved one to suicide, you've come to the right place. We've got you. At TAPS we understand that
Video: The Power of Story – Shaping Your World Through Narrative Video: The Power of Story – Shaping Your World Through Narrative The Power of Story – Shaping Your World Through Narrative Webinar \| TAPS Institute Jesse Tubb Stories are the lens through which we make sense of the world. They shape our perceptions of what we enjoy, who we are, who we aspire to be, and how we interpret our experiences. This uniquely human gift holds a profound influence over our emotions, decisions, and interactions. When we dwell on the past, feel overwhelmed in the present,
In the Silence of Grief: The Tapestry of Love and Loss In the Silence of Grief: The Tapestry of Love and Loss In the Silence of Grief: The Tapestry of Love and Loss \| TAPS Ramesh P. Elaidam In the quiet corners of my heart, where the echoes of cherished voices reside, I find solace in the tapestry of memories woven by those I’ve lost. Their absence, though profoundly felt, becomes a canvas upon which I paint the colors of their laughter, their wisdom, and the love that forever lingers. I allow myself the grace to grieve, understanding that each
Beginning a New Memorial Day Tradition with TAPS Beginning a New Memorial Day Tradition with TAPS Beginning a New Memorial Day Tradition with TAPS Allicia Johnson I'm a D.C. girl … well … sort of. I was born at Bethesda Naval Hospital to a D.C.-native dad and transplant-from-Utah mom. My East Coast roots grow deep even though I only spent six months of my life there. Dad was stationed in Pearl Harbor when I was 6 months old and was shot and killed in action when I was 2 years old. From that point on, Utah has been my home. My front door
Making Choices Making Choices Making Choices Linda Ambard Happiness is a choice. It isn't always easy to make that choice and certainly life is not always fair, but looking for the blessings and for the small things that spark contentment is easier than enduring a pity party. The choice involves thought and intentionality because people innately fixate on what is going wrong, what is missing, or what should or could be. When Phil was killed, early on I recognized that anger or the desire for revenge wouldn
Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning Randy Beard I am a man. So is Dennis Apple. I am a bereaved father. So is Dennis Apple. I am a Christian. So is Dennis Apple. Maybe that’s why his book resonated with me when I read it a few years after the death of my only son. Early in the book Dennis writes, “Time is important, but time alone will not heal a broken heart. In my journey, it has taken time and the company of others who acknowl
A Little Easier.... A Little Easier.... A Little Easier.... Dayna Wood People often ask me where I am in the grieving process. The truth is that I don’t actually know how to answer that question. Some moments are good, others mediocre and lots of them are still just plain terrible. As so many of you know, it can change every hour, minute or second. With that in mind, I truly believe that the best piece of advice I’ve received came from a good friend that lost her mother a few years ago. She told me that as ha
Session Descriptions 31st National Military Survivor Seminar Session Descriptions \| TAPS Session Divider Line Schedule: Friday, Saturday, Sunday Session - Open Art Studio Schedule: Friday Afternoon Header Session Div Spacer Session - Capitol Hill Town Hall Session Div Spacer Session - Managing Grief, Regret and Difficult Emotions Session Div Spacer Session - Having Difficult Conversations About Your Loss Session Div Spacer Session - Flanking Maneuvers: Unexpected Tactics for Engaging Grief Session Div Spacer Session
Military Mother Finds Comfort after Son's Suicide Military Mother Finds Comfort after Son's Suicide Veteran Suicide from a Military Mother's Perspective - TAPS News Peggy Scallorn Cody Allen Scallorn 15 June 1993 to 2 January 2012 Cody started his life out with an uphill battle. He was born eight weeks premature and showed from the very beginning of life that he was a fighter. He was so small and fragile. I wanted nothing more in life than to protect him. I had no idea what greatness lay ahead for Cody. He was our first born child of three
Putting the Closure on the Use of the Word Closure in Grief Putting the Closure on the Use of the Word "Closure" in Grief Putting the Closure on the Use of the Word "Closure" in Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt "If you are seeking a time when you will be finished, you will never be done." ~ TIBETAN SAYING In these contemporary times, you may be led to believe that you need to achieve “closure” after the death of someone in your life. As a matter of fact, you may have already experienced someone approaching you and asking, “Have you had closure yet?” I
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Hometown Places Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Hometown Places Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Hometown Places \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, There are many wonderful places to visit in our country. TAPS helps us see some of those places when we think about going to the various retreats, seminars, and other experiences with a group of survivors. To find out more, go to the events section of the TAPS website. This week the responders proudly wrote about the great locations in their hometowns that pe
Dispelling the Misconceptions Dispelling the Misconceptions Dispelling the Misconceptions Alan Wolfelt About Suicide and Grief and Mourning Excerpted from The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way Misconception: A misconception is a mistaken notion you might have about something—in other words, something you believe to be true but that is not true. Misconceptions about grief are common in our society because we tend not to openly mourn or talk about grief and mourning. You can see how we’d have misconceptions
TAPS Suicide Postvention Model TAPS Suicide Postvention Model© Suicide Sponsors TAPS Suicide Postvention ModelTM The TAPS Suicide Postvention ModelTM, and has since provided hope and healing to tens of thousands of suicide loss survivors. Our three phase model of support stabilizes survivors in the aftermath of a suicide death, guides them onto a health-promoting grief journey, and paves the way for achieving posttraumatic growth. Download PDF Phases: Phase I: Stabilization. Stabilization, the first ph
Fundraiser: Colorado Celebrity Classic 14th Annual Colorado Celebrity Classic 14th Annual Colorado Celebrity Classic \| TAPS Saluting Our Fallen Heroes Songwriters Show & Dinner Saturday, June 16, 2018 Grove Family Ranch at Cherry Creek 6225 S Fraser St., Centennial, CO 80016 Doors/Cash Bar: 5:30 p.m. Dinner Served: 5:45-6:45 p.m. Live Auction & Songwriters Show: 7:00-9:45 p.m. Attire: casual/western casual...arena can be warm Packed sand floor...flat shoes recommended REGISTER ONLINE Or help us save proce
When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief \| TAPS William Hoy The sights, sounds, and smells of the holidays remind grieving people that this year things are very different. In fact, you may find yourself dreading the holiday season more than any other time of year. Special occasions make it hard to grieve. Special days are filled with sentiment, and tha
Beamer the Dog Beamer the Dog Beamer the Dog \| TAPS Beamer Burleson Greetings my two-legged friends! My name is Beamer Burleson and I’ve been told that I am the greatest dog on the planet! I am 11 years old and have the joy of helping my Mommy by being her best friend when she is sad. She calls me her service dog. It all started with Daddy and Mommy wanting me to help other soldiers when they returned from deployments. We trained as a Therapy Dog Team and I visited wounded warriors at Fort Bragg
Saturday Morning Message: Kindness for the Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Kindness for the Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Kindness for the Grieving \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The replies from survivors to this week’s question all centered around the people who reached out to them not only in the early days, but who continued on past the memorials. It was the same for me. I value those in my community who talk about their memories of Bryon and I try to let them know how much that means. This week’s lead picture shows a staff memb
Saturday Morning Message: Living Life to Fullest Saturday Morning Message: Living Life to Fullest Saturday Morning Message: Living Life to Fullest Carol Lane Good Morning, As you read answers from survivors, living life after the loss of a loved one is not easy, but we all take up the challenge in different ways. The picture today comes from the recent TAPS Magazine article by Linda Ambard, spouse of Air Force Maj. Philip Ambard , titled "The Journey of Hope Never Ends." In this article, Linda talks about looking at things that she wanted
Messages of Love Messages of Love Messages of Love Claire Perkins Over the years since my son’s death in 2004, I have received many messages and signs from him. Some have come in dreams, some through songs on the radio. Perhaps the most powerful have been the heart-shaped stones and shells washed up by the sea to remind me that love never dies. Read the full article on the Open to Hope website. By Claire Perkins, Surviving mother of Cameron grief, healing, god winks Over the years since my son’s death
3 Years 3 Years 3 Years Rachael Hill July 28, 2013 = 3 years. How has it been that long? Three years? If it has really been three years, then why is it when I close my eyes I can still feel his arms around me and hear his voice? Sometimes when I close my eyes really tight…I can even see the light in his eyes still reflecting that no matter what happens, everything really is going to be alright. Three years has gone by and I have realized that a new woman is starting to emerge. I am not t
November 15, 2018 November 15, 2018 TAPS Statement for the Record \| TAPS News Advocacy Proprietary Footer November 15, 2018 - TAPS Statement for the Record Before the Committee on Veterans’ Affairs, United States House of Representatives The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) is the national nonprofit organization providing compassionate care for the families of America’s fallen military heroes. TAPS provides peer-based emotional support, grief and trauma resources, grief seminars and retreats f
The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It \| TAPS Sonia Rai The other day, someone asked me whether I would consider myself a widow. I know that people need labels, but honestly, I haven’t thought much into what I would call myself. Things have been confusing recently. The number of times that question has come up has caused me to ask myself what John and I were. What was he to me and me to him? Was he my “boyfriend?” No… the word itself sounds so trivial. The word
Hope Against All Hope Hope Against All Hope Hope Against All Hope Linda Ambard Like most people, I assumed I knew how my life trajectory would evolve and I trusted that prayers would keep Phil safe from harm. I believed ultimately life was fair and good things happened if I just waited long enough or believed strong enough. Phil's death caused a quake in my belief system and it has made me question who I am, what I stand for, and what I carry in my heart. I am different because I know better. When Phil deplo
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel Finding meaning in involvement…again After this article was written, Congress passed bipartisan legislation and presented it to the President on January 1, 2013. Included in the legislation is a provision to establish an Open Burn Pit Registry at the VA. 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet; all are sleeping but me. Austin’s been dead for more than three years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of
Losing Todd, A Mother's Journey Losing Todd, A Mother's Journey Losing Todd, A Mother's Journey \| TAPS Jeanne Weaver The Gift at the Water's Edge Three days after our son First Lieutenant Todd Weaver was killed, I walked the beach near our home, not knowing whether I had the physical strength to keep my legs moving or whether I would collapse onto the sand. I walked, searching for peace in my heart and some degree of comfort or understanding. I thought, “Who can I turn to? Where do I turn?” That day, I reached the jett
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet, all are sleeping but me. He’s been dead over 3 years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of 26 years. Don’t believe I could have done it early on, but it seems like a good move now. It was painful to watch the little boys in our subdivision chase snakes and frogs in the “coulee”. My boys used to do that, coming in for snacks with billy goat sweat on their noses
Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Carol Lane Good morning, Hugs are important when we are grieving. This week, survivor comments about multiple losses varied from feelings after experiencing multiple losses to some of the things they have done to keep anxiety at a distance. I hope you will find their responses like a big hug across the miles. One addition to this week’s message is an idea from Cheryl, mother of Jack. She
I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment Angela Copeland “Take Steps Toward Transformation” That was the subject line of the email for the TAPS Sedona Women’s Empowerment Event. I paused on it during my usual morning scroll through my inbox. I made a promise to myself to work through the heap of emails for at least five minutes every morning to try and put a dent in the mountain of correspondence. Those emails had been piling up for years, right along w
Life Marches On Life Marches On Life Marches On Linda Ambard Life marches on and I am not sure I like it so much. My youngest graduated from the Air Force Academy recently. He was commissioned by his oldest brother and his youngest sister, also a graduate, came for the festivities. In the midst of the celebration, there was one gaping hole. The day that Phil had looked forward to came and went without his presence. Never was his presence so noticed as graduation week because it should have been Phil comm
Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Michele Hiester Marcum Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear brother! Happy Bir… Oh wait. Am I supposed to be celebrating your birthday? Do the angels throw parties in heaven like we do on Earth? Is anyone up there worrying whether the cake is white or chocolate? Or if the frosting is buttercream or whipped? Hmmm… the multitude of questions one ponders when there are no
Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Michele Hiester Marcum Well, this will be our eighth Thanksgiving without my brother, and I just really can’t believe it’s been that long! Have we really gathered together over eight different turkeys…watched eight seasons of holiday football…braved eight Black Fridays of shopping nonsense since he left this Earth? I remember when I was counting moments and then mere hours, waiting for the agonizing grief to subside. Somewhere along that timeline, the hours stretched
Saturday Morning Message: May is a Month of Remembrance Saturday Morning Message: May is a Month of Remembrance May is a Month of Remembrance \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, You are in our hearts as we step into May. With the whole nation around us contemplating military appreciation this month, we hold close a reverence that comes from personal sacrifice. While we don’t want others to know such sacrifice, we hope to spread awareness of how Americans can truly appreciate those who have served and given their lives to our countr
Years After Valentine's Loss, the Blessings of Love Remain Years After Valentine's Loss, the Blessings of Love Remain Years After Valentine's Loss, the Blessings of Love Remain \| TAPS Ellen Andrews Chocolate, flowers, candy, cards and romantic dinners. Valentine’s Day conjures up a myriad of images and feelings. You can’t go anywhere in the months of January and early February without being bombarded by store shelves filled with pink and red and “Be Mine” hearts. And while this annual holiday brings warm thoughts and joy to most, it can be
4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew 4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew 4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann I lost my mother Air Force Veteran Nichole Haycock to suicide when I was only 19 years old, which is a really complicated age. Legally, I was an adult and had to make adult decisions, but in my mind I was way too young to be making these decisions. After all, I still called my mom to ask what temperature was to wash my laundry. I didn’t know how to make adult decisions without her. Six years later, I have accom
The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve Laura Morrison We have lots of choices in life. We choose what job to have, where to live, who we want to be. Every day we make choices both big and small; the choices are all around us. But when it comes to grief, it can feel like there is no choice. Grief is thrust upon us, and I don’t think anyone takes it well. I know my family didn’t. I’ll never forget the phone call from Keith’s dad. “The DoD just left my house,” he said a few times before I
Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Linda Ambard The Boston Marathon is going to be my 100th marathon on April 18th. It was never supposed to be my 100th marathon because 100 marathons is usually a time where people come and celebrate the milestone. My 100thmarathon was supposed to be about finishing the Bucket List I had when Phil was killed and starting a new Bucket List for the next chapter in my life. I figured five years would be time enough to be rea
United Through Darkness, Shining Together United Through Darkness, Shining Together United Through Darkness, Shining Together Rachel Hunsell As I lay on my sleeping bag surrounded by my new family scattered across the beach, I looked up at stars. This was my nightly routine on my sandy bed, keeping my eyes open as long as they could to gaze upon the magic of these stars. These weren't like the stars back home in the rural Midwest; no, these stars made you truly feel your place in the universe. You could see the Milky Way Galaxy stret
Vacationing Military Widow Finds Comfort and Therapy in Vacationing Therapeutic Effect of Vacations for Military Widows - TAPS News Sarah Greene I have felt the pull to visit places and take vacations that my husband talked about but never got the chance to visit. I want to visit these places for several reasons: to honor him, feel close to him, fulfill his vision of seeing the parts of the world, and see the world for myself. Alaska was highest on his destination wish list, so that will be a must. We us
Watching My Kids Grow Watching My Kids Grow Watching My Kids Grow Rachael Hill Three weeks after my husband’s accident my oldest son started kindergarten. Now my youngest is in kindergarten and it is a hard sting for me, not because my little buddy isn’t home with me during the day anymore, but because it is the harsh reality of how much time has gone by that Jeff has not been a part of. I often get asked the question, “How are the boys?” How do you really answer that? Do I even really know how they’re doing? I
Hunt the Good Stuff Hunt the Good Stuff Hunt the Good Stuff Dayna Wood Very rarely have I found myself alone over the last year and a half. Right after the accident, my friends and family rushed to my side and have been pillars of unwavering support every since. I’ve always had a roommate/friend to come home to that would help me laugh through the tears and remind me of all the good times I had with Ko. Yet, I’ve recently moved to Omaha, Nebraska for a job, and I don’t know anyone. I’m absolutely terrified th
Sergeant First Class Nicole McMinamin Named TAPS Military Mentor of the Year Sergeant First Class Nicole McMinamin Named TAPS Military Mentor of the Year \| TAPS Sergeant First Class Nicole McMinamin Named TAPS Military Mentor of the Year FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – March 19, 2024 ARLINGTON, Va. – The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) will name SFC Nicole McMinamin, U.S. Army, Military Mentor of the Year at the TAPS Honor Guard Gala on Wednesday, March 20, 2024. Presented annually since 2016, the TAPS Military Mentor of the Year Award recognizes outstanding s
TAPS' Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann Honored for Her Commitment to Surviving Military Families TAPS' Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann Honored for Her Commitment to Surviving Military Families \| TAPS TAPS' Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann Honored for Her Commitment to Surviving Military Families TAPS Presents the Annual Senator Ted Stevens Leadership Award at TAPS Honor Guard Gala FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – March 19, 2024 ARLINGTON, Va. – The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) will proudly present Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann with the Senator Ted Stevens Leadership Award at its annual TAPS Honor
Proactive Grieving Proactive Grieving Proactive Grieving Mitch Carmody And how we climb the S.T.A.I.R.S to get there When my father died in 1969, I was only 15 years old. My mom told me that I was the man of the family now and that I needed to take care of the farm and my sisters. I did just that. I did not grieve, I did not cry, I did not publicly mourn. I hid my sorrow as if it were some awful secret I was ashamed of. I moved on. When my brother died five years later, nothing much had changed. My brother
Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, There were so many interesting God winks sent this week that I think it will take two weeks to share these marvelous moments in our lives. If you have a God wink you would like to share after reading this week’s message, feel free to send it along. I will include it in the monthly Writers’ Circle that is sent to those who request it. The picture this week comes from Debra, wife
Saturday Morning Message: Lifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Lifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Angelversary Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week, in addition to the responses to the question about lifting spirits, there were a variety of pictures included. The lead picture comes from Kelsey, mother of Michael. You will read her explanation later in the message. We all have such unique ways of creating a way to lift our spirits when we are down. I know you will find those who wrote this week to have imag
Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Songs Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Songs Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Songs Carol Lane Good Morning, This beautiful mountain scene is one chosen while I listened to the uplifting songs which survivors sent in answer to last week's question. My favorite is "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. It speaks to those who had a loved one leave. It emphasizes it is better not to know what will happen and enjoy the life shared. This is the message TAPS brings when talking about celebrating the lives
Seminar: Northeast Northeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Northeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS Looking to connect day of event? EVENT APP (ZOOM) ACCESS Health Guidelines for the Seminar: To stay as safe as possible, TAPS has made the difficult decision to require all attendees ages 5 and above to show proof of full vaccination according to CDC guidelines. For those who are not vaccinated, we welcome you to join us for our online seminar.
Seminar: Southeast Southeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Southeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS Looking to connect day of event? EVENT APP (ZOOM) ACCESS Health Guidelines for the Seminar: To stay as safe as possible, TAPS has made the difficult decision to require all attendees ages 5 and above to show proof of full vaccination according to CDC guidelines. For those who are not vaccinated, we welcome you to join us for our online seminar.
Seminar: Midwest Midwest Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Midwest Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS Looking to connect day of event? EVENT APP (ZOOM) ACCESS TAPS is closely monitoring COVID-19 cases and conditions in areas where our events are scheduled to take place. We will follow CDC and local guidance in our decision-making to ensure our events are conducted safely. The health and safety of our TAPS families -- survivors, staff, volunteers, and participa
Seminar: Southeast Southeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Southeast Regional Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp \| TAPS Looking to connect day of event? EVENT APP (ZOOM) ACCESS Important Update: Due to increased COVID-19 cases and hospitalizations in the Jacksonville area, TAPS is scaling back its activities for the Southeast Regional Seminar and Good Grief Camp. Since many of the children who attend Good Grief Camp are under the age for vaccinations, we are closing that po
Seminar: Texas Texas Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp Texas Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp As we move through the grief journey, we realize that changes provide perspective, and perspective drives purpose. Find new perspective, a sense of purpose and the support of peers at our brand new regional seminars. We urge you to take three days out of the grind of grief work and the stresses of daily life to fellowship with your TAPS family. Our new format will help you personalize your experience.
Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton What happened? Why did he do it? The answers to the questions are complex. When someone we love dies by suicide, it can be overwhelming and confusing, and bring with it many emotions and questions. Those affected by suicide often struggle with how, and if, their life will ever fit back together again. More than anybody, it is the suicide loss survivor who is left with endless “whys” and
The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief Emily Munoz Traveling the country to host Regional Seminars, the TAPS team hears about the sense of freedom that comes from connecting with other people who understand. At TAPS events, you can be yourself – the armor can come off; the mask can fall away. As this happens, our bonds as a TAPS family strengthen and grow. And then, Sunday rolls around, and with it comes the real world – and some of us need that armor back. We don’t want to send you ho
Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal Alan Wolfelt Historian Arnold Toynbee once wrote, "There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved." Unfortunately, many survivors of suicide suffer alone and in silence. The silence that surrounds them often complicates the healing that comes from being encouraged to mourn. Because of the social stigma surrounding suicide, survivors feel the pain of the loss, yet may not know ho
Finding Your Way through the Holidays Finding Your Way through the Holidays Finding Your Way through the Holidays Andrea Hug A Guide for Parents of Grieving Children The holiday season is here. At least that’s what the advertisers think. We hear “Happy Holidays,” “Feliz Navidad,” and “Happy New Year” all the time and wonder if we will ever be happy again. For those of us who are grieving, getting from one day to the next may be all we can manage during this season. Grieving is the hardest and most demanding work you will eve
A Stillness Among the Trees A Stillness Among the Trees A Stillness Among the Trees Abi Ruth Martin Heading to Bainbridge Island, Washington, for my first TAPS Empowerment Week of Renewal, I was nervous and apprehensive. Usually, I am surrounded by friends and family when reflecting on my brother’s death and its impact on me. But this week, I would be sharing and talking about this intimate part of my life with people I had never met before. Breathing in the salty sea air, I was reminded of Jack’s life in the Seatt
Independence is Happiness Independence is Happiness Independence is Happiness \| TAPS International Bushra Farkish TAPS International, Afghanistan withdrawal, war, military families Independence Freedom is priceless. It should never be taken for granted. My wish for Afghanistan is the feeling of freedom I have found in America.
Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It \| TAPS Jon Ganues This piece originally appeared in the Real Stories blog of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I am a survivor of suicide loss, having lost a first cousin, a second cousin, and an Air Force son to suicide. I am also a survivor of suicide ideation. In 1993, while serving as a U.S. Army Warrant Officer, in the 82nd Airborne Division at
You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief \| TAPS Kelly Griffith Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. As the snow compacted beneath the weight of my heavy boots, I began to cry. I was tired — exhausted, really — covered in layer upon layer of brand name cold weather gear and yet still shivering from the amount of sweat rolling down my back. Ice crystals formed on my eyebrows and lashes. It hadn’t stopped snowing since I’d arrived three days
Bearing the Responsibility Bearing the Responsibility Bearing the Responsibility Rachael Hill Fall has always been my favorite season. The leaves change beautiful colors, there is a pumpkin spice scent everywhere I go, and the cooler air brings out my beloved jeans and hoodies. It is a time of new beginnings as school starts again, football season comes and goes, and then it is the beginning of hockey season for my boys. I find it to be a busy, but beautiful and exciting time of year. However, as fall makes its app
Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Linda Ambard So many people spend their lives in quiet desperation thinking of one day - someday. I was no different and, at times, I am still stuck in the rut of day-to-day responsibilities and routines. Mired in the frenetic pace and wanting more, never quite reaching that elusive someday, is exactly where I was when Phil was killed. I was happy sitting on the sidelines waiting, but I knew something was missing for me and for my life. When Phil married me,
Beginning of the New Normal Beginning of the New Normal Beginning of the New Normal Bob Bagosy On September 11, 2001, my children were young. My oldest daughter, an attorney, was 29; she was to be married in November. My second daughter, a teacher, was 23; she was to be married in May. My oldest son was 19 and in his first year of college. My second son was 17 and a high school student; my youngest son was 12 and a grade school student. My wife and I were working within our professions. A dog and cat rounded out our no
Lessons Learned Lessons Learned Lessons Learned Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann In 2002 I lost my dad while he was training to deploy to Iraq. I was ten years old. College was the last thing on my mind, and it was not high on my mother's priority list either. It was always something I knew I would do, but not something my mother and I really discussed until the end of my junior year of high school after I had taken multiple AP exams, done expensive ACT prep and testing and was now paying ridiculous amounts of mon
The Changing of Linda The Changing of Linda The Changing of Linda Linda Ambard Everybody hurts sometimes. I still do. As I stare down the quickly approaching three year milestone, I am feeling alone and slightly adrift. It started this week with a holiday I don't even like all that much. Valentine's Day was never that big of a deal when Phil was alive. Sure we exchanged cards and went out for dinner at some point, but it wasn't something either of us put a lot of effort into. For some reason this year, Val
To Infinity and Beyond To Infinity and Beyond To Infinity and Beyond Linda Ambard Running the Dopey Challenge at Disney World was about more than a race for me. I have now completed 79 marathons, but this marathon (plus a half marathon, 10 K, and 5 K) represented more than a taxing physical challenge. The miles jump started 2014-my year of hope. What better place to start it than the place where the beginning of the end started; many happy memories came flooding back, and I was able to take that first terrifying
The Search for Answers The Search for Answers The Search for Answers Bob Bagosy As I write this, today is my son's birthday - 29 years ago Tommy was born. I was in the delivery room, and got to hold him for the first time. I remembered crying in happiness at his birth, and for all that he will see, and experience in his life. On May 13, 2010 I was in the funeral home in Jacksonville, NC helping to put Tommy's medals and ribbons on his dress blues. After he was dressed for the last time, I spent some time alone wit
Run and Remember: Healthy Kids Fun Run Run and Remember: Healthy Kids Fun Run Run and Remember: Healthy Kids Fun Run Betsy Beard A Growing Component of the TAPS Run and Remember Team The year was 2004. The TAPS Run and Remember team had been tying up their shoelaces and running to honor their loved ones for the previous four years. For the first time, TAPS expanded the Run and Remember Team to include our TAPS children running the Marine Corps Marathon Healthy Kids Fun Run. “At that time everyone gathered at the Iwo Jima Memor
A Recipe for Holiday Wellness A Recipe for Holiday Wellness A Recipe for Holiday Wellness Nancy Heinrich Holiday traditions are part of a family’s collective memory. What was your favorite holiday tradition growing up? Was it making and decorating cookies with your mother? Singing carols with neighbors? Decorating the house? Holiday traditions are part of a family's collective memory. Traditions define families and communities. Children depend on them like they do the security of their favorite blanket. Traditions gro
Saturday Morning Message: Spiritual Changes Saturday Morning Message: Spiritual Changes Saturday Morning Message: Spiritual Changes \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The lead picture today comes from the TAPS New Mexico Parents Retreat. I thought it portrayed in a balloon heading up to the sky, our thoughts ascending to the spiritual part of our lives. When a loved one dies, we go through many shifts as our life changes direction. We begin to look at what we need to keep and what we should leave behind. I do my best thinking when I a
How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves Mike Aldapa I had just gotten off a flight when I noticed the message from a TAPS staff member on my phone. She asked for my help in supporting a surviving mother, Tatiana Oddson, who lived near me. This surviving mom was running the New York City Half Marathon on the six-month anniversary of her son’s death. It was her tribute to her son, Air Force Airman 1st Class Alfred Komlev. Each month since her son died, Tatia
It’s a Colorful Life It’s a Colorful Life It’s a Colorful Life \| TAPS Lalaine Estella At 58 years old, Beatriz Alvarado had never been interested in painting or drawing. She never picked up a paintbrush or drawing pencils. She never felt she was creative. When her son, 27-year-old Oscar Eduardo Dulanto, an Army veteran, died by suicide in February 2017, Beatriz found herself in a dark and hopeless place. She said she had lost the most precious thing a mother could lose—a child. Beatriz struggled to find her
Mother's Day Thoughts Mother's Day Thoughts Mother's Day Thoughts Carol Lane Mother’s Day is here. This is one of those days on the grief journey that can bring up a variety of emotions. The picture is of my two children. On the left is my son, Bryon, and on the right my daughter, Bethany. One of the many things I have learned since joining TAPS is to celebrate the lives of all those we love. Take each day and enjoy the time together. This Mother’s Day, I will have lunch with my husband and daughter as we will ce
A Milestone - Cody's 21st Birthday A Milestone - Cody's 21st Birthday A Milestone - Cody's 21st Birthday Peggy Scallorn In January of 2012, my son Airman 1st Class Cody Scallorn took his life at the age of 18. I realized very quickly there were going to be so many important things in life he would no longer be a part of and experience. I also soon came to the realization that he would be missing important milestones of his own. This past June, my first born and only son would have celebrated his 21st birthday. I knew this woul
Is It Ok? Is It Ok? Is It Ok? Shanette Booker Every day for about the first two years after Dre's passing, I walked on eggshells and hid behind the bushes. I never wanted to be in the limelight. I didn't want to say or do anything that would offend someone. I was his wife and as his widow, I didn't want to be inappropriate in my mannerisms, words, or actions. I felt as if people would question how much I loved my husband, if I loved him as much as I said I did, or if I still loved him. It was the harde
Get Involved, Meet Your Peers in the TAPS Young Adults Program Get Involved, Meet Your Peers in the TAPS Young Adults Program Get Involved, Meet Your Peers in the TAPS Young Adults Program TAPS For military surviving children and siblings ages 18 to 30, the TAPS Young Adults Program focuses on 5 Pillars of Growth and Healing during your grief journey—personal development, career guidance, communications, financial stability, and service to others. Whether you are a TAPS Good Grief Camp graduate or new to our TAPS family, please know you have a place here
Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Being there to listen without judgement is one wonderful gift TAPS gives to those who connect with our organization. The opening photo shows a TAPS Military Mentor listening carefully to a young survivor. Through our mentors, caring staff and our Helpline Team, TAPS is here 24/7 to listen and to provide support to all survivors. The Saturda
Saturday Morning Message: Objects that Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects that Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects that Help Heal \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week’s question brought not only responses, but several pictures and an extra song. This picture of comes from Leslie, mother of Eugene. The plant is a cactus and you will read how it is special to her later in the message. I know you will find joy from all the replies this week, so I will keep my comments short and let you go forward. Thank you to
Choosing Joy Choosing Joy Choosing Joy Carlene Cross This article was published in the Fall 2017 Issue of the TAPS Magazine. “I regret to inform you…” the chaplain began. In an instant, my life fell apart on July 13, 2008. I was sucked into blackness. Panic engulfed me in waves, blinding me and destroying all logical thinking. I ran to a picture of Jason holding an Afghan child and hugged it to my chest. A world without my son could never be real. It was unimaginable. For months, my face was blood
Bringing Alex Home Bringing Alex Home Bringing Alex Home \| TAPS Donleigh Gaunky A Brother’s Loss During War I am a man. I am a brother. I am a combat veteran. And I am a sibling survivor. Nowadays, there are not that many of us who have survived going to war and, at the same time, lost a family member to that same war. In the 1940s there were more of us. A visit to the Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor will give you a great example of the magnitude of this reality in just a single event. More than 30 sets of si
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote a variety of ways they honor their loved ones. This picture seems to exemplify this. It shows a TAPS parachute with the Army veteran jumper holding the American flag. In this way TAPS honors those who have passed while serving our country. I am going to keep my comments short so you can get to all the wonderful responses that came in th
Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The TAPS Peer Mentor Program offers a companion on our grief journey. We are matched with another survivor who has suffered a similar loss. The opening picture is from the article, "5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief," written by Amanda Klager who is the surviving sister of Army Spc. Adam Klager. In the article, she
Saturday Morning Message: Teachers make a difference Saturday Morning Message: Teachers make a difference Teachers make a difference \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, Teachers can be very motivating especially when they help us discover subjects we find interesting. Survivors wrote this week about those subjects and how they were encouraged by teachers to continue exploring these subjects. One of my favorite subjects is reading. For those who find reading helpful especially during these uncertain times, Lauren, siste
The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life \| TAPS Michael Brezenski A group of widowed fathers were brought together for what was planned as a six-session lecture and discussion forum. As it developed, the meetings became more like a support group and continued for nearly four years. From this experience, Dr. Donald Rosenstein and Dr. Justin Yopp have penned The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life. The doctors recount the personal
The Dance The Dance The Dance \| TAPS Amy Dozier Months ago, my mom signed my daughter up for cotillion. This would serve two purposes: teaching her social graces and allowing her to bond over tea parties with other kids her age (well, three purposes if you count the alone time I was afforded on these random Sunday afternoons to grocery shop or go for a run). After each class, our three-generation trio would talk about what was learned and how it would be applied in the years to come. Some days we talke
Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture this week is of some of the participants in the Marine Corps Marathon. I am using it since my daughter ran/walked for TAPS on Oct. 22, and I went to support her. I am so proud of those who took part and also those of us who stayed on the sidelines encouraging them. Staying in the hotel where most of the TAPS participants stayed was
An Easter Angelversary An Easter Angelversary An Easter Angelversary Allicia Johnson March 27 is Easter Sunday this year. To many it’s a day to reflect on the life of Christ and the miracle that occurred over two thousand years ago. For many others, it’s that beautiful time of year when Cadbury Mini Eggs grace the grocery store shelves. In general, it is a good time to focus on a new season of hope and new beginnings as flowers bloom and we look excitedly toward warmer days and summer fun. What is not to like about
Book Shelf: Finding Peace Without All the Pieces Book Shelf: Finding Peace Without All the Pieces Book Shelf: Finding Peace Without All the Pieces Rebecca Morrison A few months after the suicide death of my beloved husband Ian, my academic side and counseling training kicked in. I decided I was going to learn as much as possible about how to recover from losing Ian to suicide. I scoured Amazon for books on suicide loss and healing and ordered them all. I scanned through a couple of them, but nothing really spoke to me. The books went into a
Love is in the Air Love is in the Air Love is in the Air Michele Hiester Marcum Ahhh… Welcome to February, the month of cupids, romance and rocketing Hallmark profits! I confess that I’ve never been much of a romantic when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I cherish time with my loved ones, and I appreciate well-intentioned cards and the occasional box of chocolates. But when it comes to the glitzy bling, extravagant dinners and romantic outings, I’m more apt to choose the practical, simple
From Attitude to Gratitude From Attitude to Gratitude From Attitude to Gratitude Betsy Beard Cultivating Thankfulness Weak sunlight filtering through the bare branches, a cold mist rising from the river, and frost on the ground. It’s November, again. We’re supposed to be thankful... I am transported back in time to the first year following our son’s death in Iraq. The season pressed in on me and I flinched away from it in anger and hurt. The holidays loomed large and bleak without Brad, and as the waves of despair
Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The replies sent in response to the question about summer memories this week were wonderful. When I read them, I got a picture in my mind of the places described. One survivor, Debby RM, spouse of Tom, sent a picture of Lake Tahoe to go along with one of her memories. I thought it would make a good opening for this week’s message. Debby wrote, “Lake Tahoe is where Tom and I we
What Finally Pushed Me Over the Edge What Finally Pushed Me Over the Edge What Finally Pushed Me Over the Edge Michelle West Moving forward through grief and fear Ever since March 11, 2008, I have been teetering on the edge. On that day I received the heartbreaking news that my husband Staff Sergeant Laurent J. West was killed while serving in Iraq. The resulting days pushed me right to the edge, always balancing between keeping it together and falling apart. The knock on the door that evening came one hour after I had rec
The Mask of Being OK The Mask of Being OK The Mask of Being OK \| TAPS Sammi Hester With the fall season fully underway, I find myself reflecting. My children and I have always loved the excitement Fall brings. With festivals, fires, and flavors, the senses come to life and new memories are made. For our family, Fall also signals the start of the holiday season, beginning with Halloween. While I know not everyone celebrates Halloween, the topic brought to mind the masks that are often worn during this t
Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Stress and anxiety are emotions felt by grieving people. This week, survivors share ideas on what brings them comfort when these emotions come over them. Hugs help me the most, so I’m sharing a picture of two survivors giving each other a wonderful hug. It is also the reason I sign most of my TAPS correspondence with the word “Hugs.” Please feel that I am hu
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets The Comfort of Pets \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture this week is of Dandelion, my daughter’s cat. She loves animals, but wasn’t able to have a cat when she lived at home, because I am allergic. So the minute she moved into her own place, this is the cat she chose from the shelter. This week more survivors shared stories and pictures of their beloved pets. For those of us who have pets, they offer mu
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Strategies \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Today we are sharing some of what we do to practice self-care. Taking care of yourself while grieving can be the last thing on your mind, but it is important. In addition to the responses from survivors about what has helped them, I want to include several articles TAPS has published with ideas to help with grieving. “Gifts of grief: Tools to help you through,” writte
Steer into the Skid Steer into the Skid Steer into the Skid \| TAPS Randy Beard A strategy for coping with grief Grief feels a lot like winter. Winter is cloudy, overcast and cold. The heavy, gray skies make you want to withdraw. People tend to stay closed up indoors, isolated from their friends. The days are dark and icy and bleak. Our family's grief-winter started when two Army officers showed up on our doorstep early one morning in October 2004. It felt like a cloud of winter descended over everything. Its ic
Amazon #SeasonOfSmiles Amazon #SeasonOfSmiles Amazon #SeasonOfSmiles \| TAPS TAPS This holiday season, Amazon will be sharing inspirational charity stories with millions of Facebook followers. Starting November 20, TAPS invites you to participate in the #SeasonOfSmiles social media campaign by sharing your best TAPS stories. Your story might illustrate how AmazonSmile donations are helping to provide hope and healing to families just like yours who are grieving the loss of a military hero and especially feeling the
Saturday Morning Message: How we spend our time at home Saturday Morning Message: How we spend our time at home How we spend our time at home \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture is a rose in my garden. I have been getting the gardens around my house ready, so I may enjoy the flowers this year. Survivors share what they are doing now that they have to spend time at home. Each response is a bit different and unique. Sometimes we find hidden talents or take the ones we have and give them a new twist. Other ti
D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation \| TAPS Jim Hake Today is the 75th Anniversary of D-Day — the beginning of the Allied invasion of Normandy and the turning point in the liberation of Europe in World War II. My father was part of the invasion at Utah Beach. He decided to enlist in the Navy after the attack on Pearl Harbor and became a SeaBee. “SeaBee” comes from CB or Construction Battalion. As a Chief Shipfitter, my father’s job was to s
'My brother brought us together’ 'My brother brought us together’ My brother brought us together \| TAPS Deb Lucey In May 2013, I attended the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and went to watch Rolling Thunder, the massive motorcycle rally in Washington, D.C., that occurs every Memorial Day weekend. Hundreds of thousands of members on motorcycles do a slow ride, called the Ride to Freedom, to honor the military fallen and their loved ones. The ride starts at the Pentagon and heads to the monuments on the National Mall.
Yoga was my survival raft 'Yoga was my survival raft' Yoga was my survival raft \| TAPS Rayanne Hunter For many years now my family’s Memorial Day Weekends have looked quite different from the collective norm. Every year we look forward to gathering in Washington, D.C. for the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar with a new family I never expected to be a part of—our Gold Star Family. These fellow surviving families are learning to thrive under a new normal without their military loved one. My husband, Staff Sgt. We
Saturday Morning Message: Objects That Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects That Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects That Help Heal Carol Lane Good Morning, This week’s question brought not only responses but several pictures and two songs. This picture of a bear comes from Bonnie Jo, mother of Andrew. The bear’s name is Snuffles. She sent it along with a song that is meaningful to her. I placed her writing right below the Song of the Week section, so this week, we have two songs to enjoy. I know you will find joy from al
Unexpected Grief, and Joy, On Mother's Day Unexpected Grief, and Joy, On Mother's Day Unexpected Grief, and Joy, On Mother's Day August Cabrera Of all the holidays I thought would be hard, Mother's Day was not at the top of my list. After all, it was about me, not my late husband, and how could that be hard? It would be just another day alone with my boys. No big deal. Was I ever wrong. That first Mother's Day brought all kinds of realizations: there would be no surprise gifts, no breakfast in bed, no pampering for a day. My boys,
Just Give Me a Reason--Just a Little Bit's Enough Just Give Me a Reason--Just a Little Bit's Enough Just Give Me a Reason--Just a Little Bit's Enough Linda Ambard I stood facing down the monster of the holidays this year not knowing which way to turn. I stood trembling and unsure as I stood paralyzed by the pain of the past two Christmas'. Last year, a year I hoped would start the healing, further scarred me. I found out my father who had been working full time, and who was fairly young (71 years old) had two to four weeks to live. I did not
The Hawk The Hawk The Hawk Bob Bagosy Someone once asked where my notes were before I spoke about my son Tommy, I said all my notes are in my heart. On this past Father’s Day, Katie, Tommy’s widow who had recently moved to Georgia, brought the grandkids over to help make all our Father’s Day a little bit brighter. After all, it’s a day to celebrate Fathers. Tommy’s kids are great! His son Nathan and his daughter Avery light up my life! They give me a reason to go on. They are too young in some ways
The Power to Choose Hope The Power to Choose Hope The Power to Choose Hope \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff On a recent morning, I did everything the work-from-home experts told me to do. I got up, changed clothes, brushed my teeth, combed my hair. I even put on a little makeup. I went about my routine: settling into the new normal, preparing myself for a day of spreadsheets. Listening to the news as I made my coffee. Allowing the details of this devastating pandemic to wash over me. Shielding myself in the embrace of avoi
In the Kitchen In the Kitchen How One Family's Grief Plays out in the Kitchen - TAPS News Patty Reis Our family grief plays out in the kitchen. We discovered early in our grief that when I attempted tasks in the kitchen they often resulted in something burning. I would start a meal, fire up the stove and soon discover, from the other side of the house, that I had forgotten about the culinary effort started only minutes before. Many a pot full of charred, best-intention delicacies were left outside the back
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Linda Ambard I liked the person I became in the 23 years I was married to Phil. I learned to trust myself and to dream big. Life was filled with possibility, fun, and the comfort that came from knowing that even if I fell or failed, someone, my someone, believed in me and would love me anyway. It was strength forged of time tested hurdles, life events, and the moments. Like most people, I thought there would be mor
My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss Mike Aldapa My journey as a survivor of military suicide loss began July 18th, 2012, when our son Paul, a young 22-year old Petty Officer in the Coast Guard, took his own life in what was determined to be a homicide-suicide. Paul died 3 years and 10 months into his 4 year enlistment. At the time of his death, Paul was actively pursuing a career in law enforcement that he was looking forward to after he got ou
In This Dress In This Dress In This Dress Linda Ambard I have a dress that sits in the back of my closet. I wear it on special occasions. This dress is special to me not because it is anything stunning to look at, but because of what it has come to represent. To understand the dress and its impact on me, one must look at why I bought the dress...rather, who I bought the dress for. I bought the dress on a whim while Phil was deployed. I bought this navy polka dotted dress just after I booked what would
Jeff's Stuff Jeff's Stuff Jeff's Stuff Rachael Hill As we get closer to moving out of state, I am starting to go through everything to determine what needs to come with us and what can be left behind. I normally enjoy this process as I have fun organizing things and even more so, I love the feeling at the end when everything is done. However, this current task is proving to be a much different experience than ever before. This move is bringing some emotions that I wasn't necessarily prepared for.
New Traditions New Traditions New Traditions Elizabeth Rozier I haven’t been as faithful to my blog posts as I committed to being. Guess that’s my New Year’s Resolution. So today that’s my focus…or maybe it’s just procrastinating, like taking down the Christmas decorations that are STILL up! Either way, my thoughts over Christmas have been itching to get out. I saw many of my surviving sibling buddies’ posts over Facebook during this season and had a few mixed emotions. I remember the first Christmas that w
A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor \| TAPS Mona Gunn There is no loss like that of a child whose life was cut short. My son Cherone’s death was devastating to our family. He chose to follow in his dad’s footsteps and join the U.S. Navy. Immediately following his death in the attack on the USS Cole, there was nothing but pain in our hearts. The only thing that sustained us at that time was our family and friends as well as all the memories of his
Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days? Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days? How Do You Mark Special Days? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, This week we share some of the things we do to mark special days. Sometimes there are days that are just hard, but not just special occasions like an anniversary, birthday, holiday or angelversary. That is when we need to remember those special moments with our loved ones. The opening picture shows Lily, and her father, John, at Dunkin’ Donuts where t
Healing and Hope After Suicide Healing and Hope After Suicide Healing and Hope After Suicide Iris Bolton Surviving the death of a dear one is to endure great pain. Surviving a suicidal death is to compound that pain, often with guilt, anger, and confusion. Fortunately, hope is on the horizon with of the growing knowledge about grief and traumatic loss. This hope is fueled by a new willingness to talk freely about death. The grief community is learning about the causes of suicide, helping to discover ways to assist with
Saturday Morning Message: Ways to Re-Energize Saturday Morning Message: Ways to Re-Energize Saturday Morning Message: Ways to Re-Energize Carol Lane Good Morning, When we put forth emotional or physical energy, we need to take time for ourselves to relax and re-energize. Walking through my garden is rejuvenating for me. Looking at the changes throughout the year brings joy. I wanted to share this picture of creeping phlox appearing to spill down the hill with you this morning. When I came home from TAPS National Seminar, there they were
Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminars and Retreats Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminars and Retreats Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminars and Retreats Carol Lane Good Morning, Going to a seminar or a retreat can be a moving experience. If you haven’t attended either, you may want to know the special qualities of each. At a seminar, there are workshops to understand grief, support groups in which survivors meet in a gentle environment with others who have experienced a similar death, special events that are held in the local area aro
White Stones of Honor White Stones of Honor White Stones of Honor Ken Ashley It couldn’t have happened…but it did. It shouldn’t have happened…but it did. There it was, that wooden box that was holding my precious son, my only son, draped in the colors of the country he fought and died for. It’s still hard to say…but, there it was. There I was, standing beside that box, my hand gently lying upon that revered cloth and again the tears flowed freely, and I would not stop them from flowing. They were coming from the
TAPS Names Army Veteran Staff Sergeant Jay Hufford as 2025 Military Mentor of the Year Army Veteran Staff Sergeant Jay Hufford Named TAPS Military Mentor of the Year \| TAPS TAPS Names Army Veteran Staff Sergeant Jay Hufford as 2025 Military Mentor of the Year FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE – March 24, 2025 Arlington, Va. — Each year, the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) honors an extraordinary U.S. service member or veteran who goes beyond the call of duty, volunteering their time to support children and teens grieving a military-connected loss. This year, TAPS proudly an
Saturday Morning Message: What has someone done for you to ease your grief that you'll never forget? Saturday Morning Message: What has someone done for you to ease your grief that you'll never forget? Saturday Morning Message: What has someone done for you to ease your grief that you'll never forget? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Supporting families who have experienced the loss of a loved one can be very important as we all know. This week survivors have written about the meaningful gifts others gave them in their grief. TAPS gives survivors many gifts, and this week the Saturday Morn
Saturday Morning Message: Strategies for good sleep Saturday Morning Message: Strategies for Good Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Strategies for Good Sleep \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Sleep can be difficult after the death of a loved one. Some find that all they want to do is sleep and others find that getting enough sleep is a challenge. This week survivors shared their ideas about what they do when sleep eludes them. This article from the TAPS Magazine, “To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem" may also be helpful. It offers sugg
A Grateful Nation Pauses to Remember A Grateful Nation Pauses to Remember A Grateful Nation Pauses to Remember \| TAPS Taylor Strong I will never forget how beautiful the weather was on September 15, 2014. It was a crisp fall day, which was unseasonable for southern North Carolina. I was on my way down to a check-up in Wilmington for my pregnancy. Charles and I were expecting our first baby, a girl, due in the beginning of December. On my way down to Wilmington, he called me from Afghanistan to let me know he loved me and he woul
Introducing Shanette Booker Introducing Shanette Booker Introducing Shanette Booker Shanette Booker I would like to welcome you to my world of wonder, wisdom, and widowhood. I am Mrs. Shanette Booker, wife of USMC Sgt. /USARMYSSG. Andre ‘Dre’ Booker. We met 14 March 2004, in beautiful Beaufort, South Carolina, where we fell in love and were married 22 October 2005. I met Dre while he was stationed at the Marine Corps Air Station, Beaufort, when he was just a Corporal in the Marine Corps. We have 4 very unique and love
Handling the Holidays Handling the Holidays Handling the Holidays Darcie Sims The holidays are coming and I’m not ready. Everything seems to sparkle and there is always so much to do! It is a festive time, filled with joyous occasions and family gatherings. But when your family circle has been broken by death, holidays and special days may only serve to remind you of the empty space at the table, the hole in your heart. I am not sure if I will ever again be ready for the holidays. The world has simply gone mad
The Journey through Grief The Journey through Grief The Journey through Grief Alan Wolfelt The Mourner’s Six Reconciliation Needs The death of someone loved changes our lives forever. And the movement from "before" to "after" is almost always a long, painful journey. I have learned that if we are to heal, we cannot skirt the outside edges of our grief. Instead, we must journey all through it, sometimes meandering the side roads, sometimes plowing directly into its raw center. I have also learned that the journey
10K for Dad 10K for Dad 10K for Dad \| TAPS Janet Kramer Surviving Daughter Runs with the Marines to Honor Her Dad Sitting at Dad's graveside at Arlington National Cemetery, I took a breath and looked around. I could hear the announcer's voice from the finish line at the Marine Corps Marathon on Sunday, October 29, 2023. I carefully undid the safety pins from my Team TAPS racing shirt and removed my race bib and laminated photo of Dad. I propped both up against the tombstone. Then I took off my 10K
Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief \| TAPS Betty Medlock My parents, who were part of the Greatest Generation, taught me to respect and honor Memorial Day. But, while several members of my extended family served our country, none died while serving. So, for much of my life, Memorial Day remained mostly an abstract holiday. All that changed in January 2016, when I lost my son, Michael. After Michael’s death, Memorial Day shifted from ab
Saturday Morning Message: Memories and Photos Saturday Morning Message: Memories and Photos Saturday Morning Message: Memories and Photos \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Pictures bring back memories of what we did with our loved ones and what they loved doing. This picture I carry in my cell phone wherever I go and I wanted to share it with you. It brings back the memory of how much Bryon loved his job in the Marines. He was a helicopter crew chief. One of his friends took the picture on one of the flights. I love the picture because it
Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Balance of Life Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Balance of Life Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Balance of Life Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's question about how each of us handle the emotional events of our lives was reflective, so I chose a picture showing a survivor taking time to contemplate. She is sitting by the ocean, but others may like to take a walk in the woods or just find somewhere quiet to think. In the early days of my grief journey, I went to the cemetery to sit on a ben
Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today is of a rose poinsettia that is sitting on my dining room table. I wanted to share it with you as this is one way I take some time just to enjoy what I like. I wander through our local garden center and look at all the beautiful flowers. Many of you know I live in the northern part of our country, so the winter can be very drab without color. Every
A Comforting Companion for the Journey A Comforting Companion for the Journey A Comforting Companion for the Journey \| TAPS Rachelle Ellis Sue Quackenbush TAPS Peer Mentor Program - Sharing Strength and Hope From Rachelle Ellis… Photo courtesy of Rachelle Ellis. I will never forget March 26, 2019. I received the news that my son, Jarrett, had passed away. Jarrett was such an amazing young man. He was loving, caring, funny, and compassionate. He had so much going for him and I just couldn't believe it. I was in shock.
Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Often while grieving we care for others in our friends/family circle, but it is really important to take a bit of time each day to do something we enjoy. One thing that lifts my spirits is to sit and talk with a friend like these survivors are doing at a TAPS seminar. That is why I like attending TAPS events. There I meet other survivors and form friendships. When I a
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This is a picture of the main course of the dinner at the Grand Banquet at the TAPS 24th National Military Survivor and Good Grief Camp. I thought it would be a good picture to use as an opening for this week’s message. There were many responses to this week’s question, so I will keep my comments brief today. I would love to gather some questions you might have for future
The Choice to Forgive The Choice to Forgive The Choice to Forgive Linda Ambard Forgiveness is a choice that is hard fought for at times. It can be a daily choice that can vary based on the morning or time. The choice to forgive does not mean forgetting or restoration of trust in the situation of egregious harm, malice, or incident. It does mean letting go and letting God take care of what comes next. I fight to forgive and I will continue to do so even in the raging tumultuous sea. It did feel freeing to forgive s
Veterans Day Veterans Day Veterans Day Rachael Hill Since my husband’s death in 2010, Veterans Day has always been my hardest holiday. Surprisingly it is not his birthday or his angelversary, nor is it Father’s Day or our wedding anniversary. It is Veterans Day, and it is a day that always seems to bring me to tears at one point or another. Jeff and I both joined the Air Force right out of high school. We didn’t know each other at the time, but met shortly after while in the same squadron at Technical
Words Words Words Michele Hiester Marcum I am a writer at heart, and I'm happiest with a pen in my hand, a new notebook on my lap, and my mind racing full speed ahead. I communicate. It's what I do. Ironically, one of the highest hurdles I've had to cross is that of communication after. After the funeral dinner. After the final goodbyes. After everyone else resumes their normal everyday busyness. I just don't know what to say. It's been eight years for my family and me. Just eight of the
It's Not Fair It's Not Fair It's Not Fair Rachael Hill I am finding that grief can rear its head in ways that I never expected. “Attacks” of missing my husband come without a moments notice and one day I can be feeling great, pressing on with life while the next day arrives with a completely new set of emotions. It can sometimes be a serious emotional roller coaster! For me there is new meaning to the phrase “one day at a time”. I recently had a span of a few days where I just wasn’t myself and was mis
Yoga Was My Survival Raft: A Journey of Healing Through Teaching Yoga Yoga Was My Survival Raft: A Journey of Healing Through Teaching Yoga Yoga Was My Survival Raft: A Journey of Healing Through Teaching Yoga \| TAPS Rayanne Hunter For many years, my family’s Memorial Day Weekends have looked quite different from the collective norm. We look forward to the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar every year, where we gather with a family that we never expected to be a part of– our Gold Star Family. My husband, U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Wesley Hunter, died on Sept
Saturday Morning Message: Mother's Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Mother's Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Mother's Day Activities \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes watching the sun go up or go down can be the most relaxing thing we can do to take care of ourselves. This week several survivors shared what they did on Mother’s Day to honor themselves and those who served as mothers as they grew up. Now we just turn around and it will be Memorial Day very soon. Since this might be a stressful month, I thought I woul
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, I thought I would share my memento picture. This is the heart locket I wear every day. Inside is a picture of my son at boot camp. I am making my comments short since we had responses to two different questions making this week’s message longer than usual. Last week Betty, mother of Michael sent a picture of what looked like a coin and asked i
Frequently Asked Questions 2016 Frequently Asked Questions body content Frequently Asked Questions Thanks for your interest in attending the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp! We hope the following FAQS will help you as you prepare to join us in Washington, D.C. Who should attend? When does the event take place? Location How do I sign up to attend? Fees Travel What events will there be during the weekend Seminar? What should I wear? What else should I bring? Is child care offered? Em
5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child 5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child 5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child Jonathan Kirkendall April is Month of the Military Child. And too often, our surviving military children don’t feel like they are part of this community of kids any longer. Here are some ideas for how to honor your surviving military children this month (and every month) to help them know they are part of this family and worth celebrating. 1. Let them know that April is Month of the Military Child
Institute: Photographing Grief Workshop: Photographing Grief Photographing Grief \| TAPS Institute Eastern The TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® invites you to a unique and engaging experiential workshop about using photography as a creative outlet for coping with grief. Featuring LITSA WILLIAMS ELEANOR HALEY Litsa and Eleanor are mental health professionals with more than 20 years of experience in grief and bereavement. They are also the founders of the What’s Your Grief? website. Program Details
Survivors Fill Community Need for Face Masks Survivors Fill Community Need for Face Masks Survivors Fill Community Need for Face Masks \| TAPS Susie Ristau As everyone knows, we’re all going through a tough time in our lives with COVID-19. Every night when I went to bed I stressed over how things were going to be for my family. One night, I thought: Why am I laying here stressing over what is going to happen? I need to be doing something to help people in need. I had seen so many Facebook posts about places in need of face masks. The n
Community of Support and Compassion Provides Anchor ‘Community of Support and Compassion’ Provides Anchor Community of Support and Compassion Provides Anchor \| TAPS Marilyn Mosley Gordanier When I received the call that my beloved son Michael had died by suicide, I thought that life was over. I have two other amazing children, incredible grandchildren, a loving partner and a rich life. But deeply buried inside me was such sadness about my son, my boy, my baby. One day I received a call from Terri Jones at TAPS who supports military suicide s
Happy Father's Day Happy Father's Day Happy Father's Day Terry Meyer Happy Father's Day. It used to be. I can recall few details about each one I experienced, but I do remember it being special because either the kids were still at home and we did something special, or the kids were grown and I would receive a special phone call and good conversation with them. Either way, it was a day that reminded me of the special blessings that come from having children and carrying the honored title of "Dad." I remem
Celebrate Life Month Celebrate Life Month Celebrate Life Month Linda Ambard So often in life, people assume that there will always be another day to do the niceties we want to do for our loved ones. Often people get consumed with the daily minutiae of survival and responsibilities. I was no different. Phil and I had spent our entire marriage being parents and with having five children, there was little time for anything else. Our time, energy and resources went into being good parents and responsible adults.
Ray's Close Call Ray's Close Call Ray's Close Call Debbie Newhouse Just when I thought things were getting more normalized, life changed. I was a school teacher finishing up the last couple years of my career, my husband Ray was busy working as a stockbroker, and my two kids had just graduated from high school and were preparing for the next phase of their lives. My son Nick joined the Army. After basic training at Fort Benning and then being stationed at Camp Casey in South Korea, he got orders to deploy to
The Powerful Experience of a Civilian Serving TAPS The Powerful Experience of a Civilian Serving Families of the Fallen The Powerful Experience of a Civilian Serving Families of the Fallen \| TAPS Casey Callanan As I was driving north after work on Friday to spend a sunny Memorial Day weekend on the Jersey Shore in 2012, the Vice President's voice suddenly gripped my attention. The radio station's voiceover explained Joe Biden was speaking at an event organized by TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors). Having recently moved to the W
I Wish I Wish I Wish Michele Hiester Marcum Once upon a time, I had all the answers. Or at least, I thought I did. My life was more predictable than not, and with all the wisdom of my youth, I just knew that I could handle any roadblock I encountered… all by myself. Independence is a good thing, right? All that changed on a chilly, sunny day in March of 2005. That’s the day I received the call that many of you have experienced. Someone you love isn’t coming home. Looking back on that time in my
Opening Your Mind and Body to Heal Opening Your Mind and Body to Heal Opening Your Mind and Body to Heal \| TAPS Diane Ryan Massage Therapy and Working through Grief Google “massage therapy benefits” and you discover over 100 million results on different techniques and the benefits to your physical and psychological health. Studies have shown the importance and effectiveness of massage therapy on those dealing with health issues causing inflammation, pain, fatigue, and anxiety. However, when I experienced the loss of my forme
Saturday Morning Message: A Change of Purpose After Loved One's Death Saturday Morning Message: A Change of Purpose After Loved One's Death Saturday Morning Message: A Change of Purpose After Loved One's Death Carol Lane Good Morning, Our life is forever changed after the death of a loved one. This week's question was about doing things that honor our loved ones as our purpose in life changes. Jeanne, mother of Todd, sent this link to the "Open to Hope" radio show in which she was interviewed. Jeanne is an artist who has created many paintings including one s
Intention Setting Intention Setting Intention Setting Kelly Griffith Making Goals That Honor You and Your Hero The knock at the door came, and my world stopped. But within weeks I realized the world was still spinning for others. And they couldn't understand why mine wasn't. They wanted to know when my world would be in order again. They didn't realize that everything-including my priorities-had changed. I found myself feeling as if all the life goals I had before my brother died weren't worth much anymor
Introducing Rachael Hill Introducing Rachael Hill Introducing Rachael Hill Rachael Hill The year following my husband’s death was undoubtedly the most difficult year I have ever had to deal with. Never in a million years did I think I would be a widow and a single mom to 3 and 5 year old little boys at just 31 years old. That's the stuff that happens to other people...not to me. My husband was young, healthy, and full of life. This couldn't happen to him. We had so much going for ourselves and we were so in lo
Webinar: Supporting My School Aged Children Throughout the Grief Journey Webinar: Supporting My School Aged Children Throughout the Grief Journey Supporting My School Aged Children Throughout the Grief Journey Webinar \| TAPS Institute Eastern Presented by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing®, this webinar with Jon K. Reid, PhD, NCC, will share practical tips to help parents and other caregivers understand and support their school-aged children and teenagers through grief, with particular attention to the unique aspects of the adolescent years that create additio
Saturday Morning Message: What In Nature Reminds You Most Of Your Loved One? Saturday Morning Message: What In Nature Reminds You Most Of Your Loved One? What In Nature Reminds You Most Of Your Loved One? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, Whether you lend a hand to a neighbor, volunteer at your favorite organization or give back to TAPS, we honor your service to others. We also acknowledge that taking care of ourselves, first and foremost, is important, if we are to be at our best when serving and supporting others. And, we recognize that having the
Active Remembering Active Remembering Active Remembering \| TAPS Allison Gilbert If you’re fortunate, like me, soon after your loved one dies, a swarm of friends will embrace you in all sorts of meaningful ways. They’ll pack the funeral home, attend the wake or shiva, and a few may even leave homemade meals wrapped in tin foil by your front door so you won’t have to cook for a while. Rituals surrounding loss tend to kick into gear automatically, and I benefitted from being the passive recipient of support when e
Growth is a Sign of Life Growth is a Sign of Life Growth is a Sign of Life Elizabeth Rozier For the first time in over a decade, my family had an official family portrait taken. My mom never passes on a great deal and when Groupon sent out one for portraits she bought it and set the date with enough warning no one could give adequate excuse to miss. I know I am writing to people who understand the importance of this occasion and to whom some things don’t need explaining; but for those who need the clarification, i
Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting \| TAPS Sandy Isom Editor's Note: The TAPS Wall of Heroes is a fixture at every National Military Survivor Seminar. The wall — a display of tiles, each featuring the photo of a fallen hero whose loved one is in attendance — is prominently displayed in the center of activity at the seminar. Throughout each day of the event, attendees, staff, volunteers, and guests pass by the wall — sometimes turning their heads for grateful glances, other
In Times of Uncertainty TAPS Online Community is Steadfast In Times of Uncertainty TAPS Online Community is Steadfast In Times of Uncertainty TAPS Online Community is Steadfast \| TAPS Lydia Burgdorf After I lost my son, Lance Corporal Carl Burgdorf, I started rebuilding my life. Lydia and her son Carl in Monterey, California (May, 2019). Photo courtesy of Lydia Burgdorf. It was important for me to be around other people, so I went back to work. I went to the gym four or five days a week to lift weights and work out my frustrations. I had din
Running for Andrew Running for Andrew Running for Andrew \| Team TAPS Jaime Boris “The Marine Corps Marathon was the most gratifying and humbling yet toughest physical and emotional experience I’ve had since burying my son. It was heart-healing in so many ways.”—Diana Cross, surviving mother Running a marathon was always on Diana Cross’s bucket list. She and her husband, Dan, found TAPS after the death of their son, Army National Guard SGT Andrew Cross, in 2009. “When I found out I could run in the Marine Corp
Finding Hope After Suicide Loss Finding Hope After Suicide Loss Finding Hope After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Mike Aldapa Celebrating the Life and Service of our Loved Ones A petty officer in the Coast Guard, my 22-year-old son Paul died by suicide when he took his own life on July 18, 2012, in what was determined to be a homicide-suicide. He was just months away from completing his enlistment in the Coast Guard with hopes of pursuing a career in law enforcement. Prior to his death, Paul and our family embraced his time in the
How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death Gloria Horsley I keep hearing from people that the United States is a death-denying society. After my recent trip to India I am not sure I agree. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her landmark book, "On Death and Dying," brought death to the forefront of the American consciousness more than 40 years ago. Today, there are numerous books, workshops and research projects examining death and dying. It i
In the Morning: The Hindsight of Finding Hope In the Morning: The Hindsight of Finding Hope In the Morning: The Hindsight of Finding Hope Gloria McDaniel The day my son, Kenneth, died by suicide was a Sunday - a holiday - and the beginning of a new year. Jan. 1, 2012. Our world collapsed. So much of that initial day was a blur. People were coming and going from our home all day long. Tears flowed nonstop. How could I possibly cry this much and for so long? My intense thirst was almost overwhelming. That evening, darkness, and a total
Celebrating Life Again on Halloween Celebrating Life Again on Halloween Celebrating Life Again on Halloween Carla Stumpf Patton Of the many obstacles we face after the loss of a loved one is how to tackle those extra challenging hallmark calendar dates. These often entail the more emotionally charged days such as birthdays, wedding anniversaries, memorial dates (aka "angelversaries”) and other specific holidays that might hold special relevance to ourselves and of our loved ones. This can often feel even more challenging when
June 26 2024 June 26, 2024 TAPS Statement for the Record \| TAPS News Advocacy Proprietary Footer June 26, 2024 - TAPS Statement for the Record Before the Committee On Veterans' Affairs United States House of Representatives Disability Assistance and Memorial Affairs Subcommittee Presented by Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann, Deputy Director, TAPS Government & Legislative Affairs Topics in this Statement: Dependency And Indemnity Compensation for High School Students Dependency And Indemnity Compensation for
Phase Out of the SBP-DIC Offset Phase Out of the SBP-DIC Offset (Widow's Tax) \| TAPS News Phase Out of the SBP-DIC Offset (Widow's Tax) Finally Begins! Military surviving spouses subject to the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) and Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) offset, commonly known as the "Widow's Tax," will potentially see an increase in their SBP payments beginning February 1, 2021. The National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2020, signed into law on December 20, 2019, repealed the dollar-for-dollar o
Phase Out of the SBP-DIC Offset Phase Out of the SBP-DIC Offset (Widow's Tax) \| TAPS News Widows Tax Phase Out of the SBP-DIC Offset (Widow's Tax) Finally Begins! Military surviving spouses subject to the Survivor Benefit Plan (SBP) and Dependency and Indemnity Compensation (DIC) offset, commonly known as the "Widow's Tax," will potentially see an increase in their SBP payments beginning February 1, 2021. The National Defense Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2020, signed into law on December 20, 2019, repealed the
Saturday Morning Message: Attending funerals after loss of a loved one, Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Attending funerals after loss of a loved one, Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Attending funerals after loss of a loved one, Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Sunsets for many of us are comforting. Reading the variety of replies to this week’s question may help us to get ideas about how others deal with funerals after the death of a significant loved one. When we are faced with a funeral, we will have ideas about how to approach it and feel that we are supporte
Understanding A Widow’s Heart, New Directions Understanding A Widow’s Heart, New Directions Understanding A Widow’s Heart, New Directions Emma Wright March 9, 2013 Two and a half years ago today marks the darkest day I've ever known. The day when I was awakened by two dark silhouettes that I could see through the decorative glass panel of my front door. I could have been dreaming. Given the fact that the sun had not risen, that was my immediate assumption. But the silhouettes became much more real as I opened the door, confused and very
Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, It’s hard to write about our gifts, but there is one we all have that can help others after a loss. It is the gift of listening. Listening to others can be one of the greatest gifts we give to someone who is grieving, and it may actually help you as well. In a 2013 TAPS Magazine article, “Reaching Out to Others,” by Darcie Sims, she wrote, “I happened to be listening
Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, survivors were asked to write about the gifts of personality that our loved ones gave us just by being themselves. I hope you enjoy all the responses that came to us. Debra, wife of Thomas sent this picture of her husband, Tom, and told us about his gift. Debra wrote, "One of the most memorable gifts that Tom always
Among the Zebras Among the Zebras Among the Zebras Judi Swenson For those planning on attending the TAPS National Suicide Seminar in October for the first time, this is for you. Please don't get cold feet. Don't be scared. There is nothing else like it. I know this is very long. Please take a few minutes to read it through. I unfortunately will have to miss this years seminar. Don't you. You will find love, support, and understanding. HUGS. I lost my son, Davey, to suicide on June 16, 2005. My family has
Saturday Morning Message: Feeling Your Loved One Close Saturday Morning Message: Feeling Your Loved One Close Saturday Morning Message: Feeling Your Loved One Close Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes odd things happen that make you take notice. The discussion for this week focuses on a time or event when something happened and you felt your loved one close. This could be something spectacular or a smaller event that almost went unnoticed. This past week, I had one of those times I almost missed. Three years ago, Hurricane Irene destroyed one of
PACT Act Signed into Law! PACT Act Signed into Law! PACT Act Signed into Law! \| TAPS Candace Wheeler The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) was proud to have staff and surviving families of toxic exposure in attendance at the White House on Wednesday, August 10, 2022, to witness President Joe Biden sign the Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson Honoring our Promise to Address Comprehensive Toxics (PACT) Act of 2022 into law. This historic bill ensures veterans of multiple generations who were exposed to bur
One Step at a Time One Step at a Time One Step at a Time Jennifer Freitas "Pole, Pole." "Slowly, slowly." It wasn't a race to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, but rather an exercise in continually putting one foot in front of the other on the six-day ascent. Our guides, who had walked this same path hundreds of times, knew the best way for us to arrive at the summit, and reach our goal, was to go slowly, deliberately. Along with nine other intrepid explorers, I set out on the TAPS Expedition to climb Mount Kili
Made with Prayers and Good Wishes Made with Prayers and Good Wishes Made with Prayers and Good Wishes \| TAPS Elizabeth Cimini One way I've been getting through the virus craziness is to do more knitting than usual. I'm making prayer shawls for patients at a local nursing home and the hospice facility where my husband died. I've also made cloth face masks for hospice workers. Feeling useful is a big help. The idea of a prayer shawl is that the person knitting or crocheting it holds onto prayers and good wishes for the recip
Almost a Decade Almost a Decade Almost a Decade Elizabeth Rozier The 16th and 19th of next month will mark the 34th birthday and the 9th anniversary of my brother's death. It's a strange thought that he's now been gone for almost a decade. The first few years I was worried that as we got further from his death he would be forgotten, not by us but by those around us. Everyone grieves differently, I'm fairly open about my healing and talk freely about my brother. As those dates approach I will post his
Run and Remember: Marine Corps Marathon Forward Run and Remember: Marine Corps Marathon Forward Run and Remember: Marine Corps Marathon Forward Dustin Kazmar Mission Complete for TAPS! Editor’s Note: On October 26, 2008, more than 6,000 miles away from Washington DC, the site of the annual Marine Corps Marathon, hundreds of service members ran in the sands of Iraq to honor our Fallen Heroes. This is one Marine’s amazing report. Race day! I wake up at 0400 and jump in the shower to start my morning. While I am shaving I hear what sounds
Selecting a Grief Counselor Selecting a Grief Counselor Selecting a Grief Counselor \| TAPS Stephanie Frogge Finding a good mental health professional in the midst of a trauma is somewhat akin to trying to find a good plumber in the middle of the night when water is pouring out of a hole in your wall. Your intentions may be clear but summoning the necessary energy, focus, and discernment to be a wise consumer of mental health services may be just too much—especially when you’ve got your finger in the dike and know it won
July 10 2024 July 10, 2024 TAPS Statement for the Record \| TAPS News Advocacy Proprietary Footer July 10, 2024 - TAPS Statement for the Record Before the Committee On Veterans' Affairs United States House of Representatives Disability Assistance and Memorial Affairs Subcommittee Legislative Hearing Presented by Candace Wheeler, Director, Government and Legislative Affairs Topics in this Statement: Veterans Claims Education Act of 2023 (H.R. 2971) Protecting Benefits for Disabled Veterans Act of 2023
Leaving the Grief Box Open Leaving the Grief Box Open Leaving the Grief Box Open \| TAPS Chris Beck Over the past 18 months, I have struggled to get to my feet and find the path forward in my life since the loss of my son, Jarrod. I know I am on a healing path, but the steps have been small and the growth slow, but steady. Men by nature, and to some extent by nurture, hide emotions and push them down — many of us were taught that emotions are a sign of weakness. When given the opportunity to attend a TAPS Men’s Retrea
From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat \| TAPS Chris Meeker Expectations In June, I had the privilege of attending the TAPS Massachusetts Men’s Retreat — my first TAPS retreat. My expectations of fitting in or finding connections among the group were honestly very low. My background — my loss — sets me apart from the typical Men’s Program retreat attendees because I am a widower. And, as a widower, my home support ba
Saturday Morning Message: Remembering Our Favorite Vacation Spots Saturday Morning Message: Remembering Our Favorite Vacation Spots Remembering Our Favorite Vacation Spots \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, I had never traveled to Washington, D.C. until my son, Bryon, was stationed there. He invited my husband and I down to see him and gave us a tour. I was fascinated. After Bryon’s passing, I learned that TAPS hosts a seminar in Washington, D.C., each year over Memorial Day Weekend, so I decided to attend. When my plane arrived, I w
Art Allows Expression When There are No Words Art Allows Expression When There are No Words Art Allows Expression When There are No Words \| TAPS Andres Ramos, Jr. The desire was latent in me for a long time even though painting has always been a passion of mine. My parents, especially my mom, pushed me in that direction as a child. I enjoyed portrait realism paintings growing up in Lorain, Ohio. My son Jose enjoyed art too. He went to Campbell University, graduating in 2008 with a degree in art. Jose grew up fascinated with abstract art
Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In my area of the country, fall is coming. This week’s question, combined with the leaves beginning to change color, made me think of a habit I still do that started with my son, Bryon, playing football in high school. Although I didn’t know much about the sport before he decided to play, I learned the names of many plays and what each player
Saturday Morning Message: Healing Through Gardening Saturday Morning Message: Healing Through Gardening Healing Through Gardening \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning The flowers in the opening picture are daylilies from my garden. The daylily is an amazing plant. It goes through the coldest winters in the northern part of our country and even a spring without much rain. Then one day you look out the window and see the beautiful flowers. They remind me of the survivors at TAPS. We go through the toughest circumstances
Baseball Was There As My Refuge Baseball Was There As My Refuge Baseball Was There As My Refuge \| TAPS Soo Kim After the death in June of Tyler Skaggs, a starting pitcher for the Los Angeles Angels, team manager Brad Ausmus talked about what it’s like to play baseball when a teammate suddenly dies. “Once the game starts, it’s actually a refuge because it takes your mind off it, distracts you for a little while,” he said. “When you go back to your hotel room, you’re reminded of reality.” He was referring to the death of a
4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death 4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death 4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death \| TAPS Hannah Grace I was in my first holiday season after Forrest was killed in Afghanistan when I realized that even in death he left me gifts I would forever cherish and be thankful for. Gifts don’t always come in the form of a pretty box wrapped with shiny paper and a bow; they sometimes come in ways that are invisible to the eyes. Each year during this time, I think about the gifts Forrest left m
Connecting Through Experience Connecting Through Experience Connecting Through Experience Mark Evans I came to Peer Mentoring not by education but by experience. I was involved with my church for a number of years with an organization called Stephen Ministry, a program that trains people to help others get through hard times by offering support and letting people know they are not alone in their struggles. I came to Stephen Ministry after losing my older brother by his own hand. I worked with Stephen Ministry for two yea
Saturday Morning Message: Personal Changes Saturday Morning Message: Personal Changes Saturday Morning Message: Personal Changes Carol Lane Good Morning, For many, the scenery around us is changing. This picture is of fall foliage in Utah is for Allica, daughter of Burr, who lives in Utah. I asked her to send pictures of the mountains as the trees change into their fall colors for this Saturday Morning Message topic. It is overwhelming to see the beauty of our country. After the beauty of the fall, in many areas, the cold and gra
A letter to Jeff on his 5th Angelversary A letter to Jeff on his 5th Angelversary A letter to Jeff on his 5th Angelversary Rachael Hill My Dearest Jeffrey, It has been five years since I wrote my last letter to you, and it was the one I read at your memorial service. This fifth angelversary feels like a momentous milestone, although not in a fun way like our fifth wedding anniversary was. As each year goes by, your anniversary just feels like a stinging reminder that we have gone through another year without you here. It has no
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Carol Lane Good Morning, Finding strategies that work while grieving can be exhausting. That is where TAPS can help. In addition to the message board, online Yahoo groups, peer mentors, and chats, there is a service from TAPS called the Community Resource Reports which are compiled and mailed to survivors about grief supports in their local areas. For more information about
Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Michele Hiester Marcum I am a planner. A calendar-toting, pen-in-hand, master of the daily grind. Phone apps? Electronic devices? Social networking reminders? Nope, none for me, thank you. I like the old-fashioned, whole month-at-a-glance paper variety with a small space in which to write each day’s activities. Last minute addition? No sweat. A squiggly arrow and a different color ink allow that mo
Adjusting to a New Normal Adjusting to a New Normal Adjusting to a New Normal Darcie Sims When Normal Isn't Normal Any More Today I started to take down the tree and put away the holiday decorations. Yes, I know it's March, but after the effort of creating a new holiday routine in my life, it didn't seem right to simply discard it after a few short weeks. After all, creating a new way of looking at the holidays took a great deal of energy. I tried a new decorating scheme this year (we hung all the stockings – whe
A Different Path A Different Path A Different Path Randy Beard Why is it that human beings, when faced with the unknowable, develop expectations of how it is going to be? I really had no idea what my journey of grief was going to be like, but that didn’t stop me from developing unfounded expectations. Of course not! The problem with those expectations is that they added extra stress to my already burdened soul. Not only did I experience the grief, but I also experienced the failure of not meeting my ri
Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season \| TAPS Allison Gilbert We know holidays can be challenging for individuals who’ve lost loved ones, but they also offer opportunities for keeping memories alive. Below are three of my favorite ways to honor and celebrate the family and friends we never want to forget. Use Social Media If you can’t be with your family for the holidays, share memories of your love
Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Kelly Griffith I love running in the evenings, especially during the fall when the sun starts to set just a little bit earlier. After a long day I relish in the opportunity to disconnect from my phone and get outside. As the colors dance across the sky in the last rays of sunlight, I feel more connected to nature, my faith and myself. This golden hour reminds me of the peace I experienced in knowing I wasn’t alone on this journey. There is this moment wh
Just Love at IslandWood Just Love at IslandWood Just Love at IslandWood Chelsea Martin When I stepped off the plane into Seattle, Washington, I had no idea what a family campout was going to entail. All I knew was that my son was excited to get his hands dirty and play outside. Once getting to IslandWood, I was blown away by the scenic view of the thick forest, the lush green grass and ferns, and the calmness I felt. There was no sound of city life, lawnmowers, or cars honking. I heard birds chirping, leaves blowin
Coping with Guilt Coping with Guilt Coping with Guilt Michele Hiester Marcum We are coming up on the ten-year anniversary of my brother's death, and I simply cannot believe it's been that long. Seriously, where did the time go? And who the heck am I now? A decade of rolling emotions have reshaped me into someone else…and I haven't yet decided whether I like her. I remember learning in my college psychology classes that there were only six basic emotions in the human population: anger, disgust, sadness, fear,
Baby, It's Cold Out Here Baby, It's Cold Out Here Baby, It's Cold Out Here Linda Ambard Baby, it's cold out there. Loneliness creeps up on a person. In unexpected traumatic death, there is no preparing for being alone. Phil died in the prime of his life. He had finally realized many of his dreams coming true and felt the need to give back. I didn't think he was in danger; he had deployed numerous times in 26 years of service and I worried more when he was living on a compound in South America fighting the drug w
A Father's Reflection from the UK A Father's Reflection from the UK A Father's Reflection from the UK Sandy Elliot Private Kevin Elliott, 3rd Battalion, The Black Watch, Royal Regiment of Scotland. That's how the Army knew my son; it's not how I knew him. My son Kevin joined the army in 2002. He served in Northern Ireland and Iraq, and finally in Afghanistan where he died on 31st August 2009. He was 24 years old. Kevin was due to leave the army in March 2009. He had passed his medical and was ready for civvy (civilian)
Memorial Day Memorial Day Memorial Day Michele Hiester Marcum And here we are almost to Memorial Day again. Heavy sigh. Sad heart. This is the 9th one we've "celebrated" since my brother left this earth, and it seems impossible that it's been that long. But I know it's right, because I just counted them out on my fingers! Before I know it, I'll need more than two hands to tick off the quickening years. So much has changed and yet nothing has changed at all. It's a perplexing paradox to be caught bet
What about the Children What about the Children What about the Children Shanette Booker Here I am about to hit my 2 year mark, and for the first time it hit me….what about the children! I can't believe how easily we can forget about them when it comes to the grieving process. During my first year, I explained to my boys that Dada had died and then I tried to prepare them for what would happen at Dada's (military) funeral. After that I think the whole child thing became out of sight, out of mind. The school offe
Reflecting on Five Years Without Reflecting on Five Years Without Reflecting on Five Years Without Marilyn Collins Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey. Someone gave a lot of thought to those words, which have become something of a mantra for me. At different times, different words have been important. Right now the “journey” is important. After five years, I realize this is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. I remember early on attending a meeting of Gold Star mothers. I l
Saturday Morning Message: Making Plans for the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Making Plans for the Holidays Making Plans for the Holidays \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The opening picture is my lilac bush with its beautiful red leaves signaling the beginning of the fall season in the part of our country where I live. Survivors know that their loved ones’ birthdays and angelversaries can be difficult, so plans are often made to help cope. Some holidays can be equally emotionally painful. Today’s responses a
Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, When contemplating going to a certain place after the loss of our loved ones, we put a great deal of thought into the decision. Although it is not possible to know what this young survivor in the photo is thinking, I thought it really fit today’s topic. The varied answers this week show how survivors handle going to places that may make them feel
Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This man is doing one of the first things I do after I get up in the morning — have a cup of coffee and try to reflect on my plans for the day. An article from the TAPS archives titled Open Your Heart to Healing: Emotional Engagement in Your Own Life by Emily Muñoz gives a list of ways to help practice self care both physically and mentally. In addition to this articl
Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, One of the things I did to turn my grief into action after the loss of my son was to become a TAPS Peer Mentor. After experiencing the warmth and care of TAPS, I wanted to give something to other survivors and this was the way that was best for me. This picture shows a recent group of mentors. You can see the smiles on their faces. That is how I felt when I
Angry with God Angry with God Angry with God Rachael Hill It is no surprise to say that there a gamut of emotions that go along with grief. Sadness, anger, longing, hurt, loneliness, and the list goes on and on. I have felt the entire rainbow of feelings, and I am not afraid to admit it. I have had my times of depression, longing for the life I used to live, spent many nights wishing for the company of my husband, and of course, I have been angry. In fact, many days I am still angry… I am angry tha
Coming Home Coming Home Coming Home Michele Hiester Marcum Somebody somewhere once said, “Home is where the heart is,” and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that quote over the years, I could probably take a vacation - away from home. I’m not a world-class traveler who circles the globe on a regular basis, but we do indulge in periodic family getaways. We love to visit places we’ve never been, and we enjoy planning all the details of each trip: where we eat, where we sleep, and what we see a
What Does 'Recover' Mean? What Does 'Recover' Mean? What Does 'Recover' Mean? Darcie Sims Redefining Our Expectations It’s hot and already I am beginning to pray for the return of winter. The days of summer have grown old and tired and I’m weary of hurting. Grief has followed me forever, or so it seems. When can I release the pain in search of the promise? How long must I hurt? Is grief measured in days, weeks, months, years, or lifetimes? I’m thirsty and I need a drink of hope. Grief has been a tornado, a volca
NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season with teams4taps NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season \| TAPS TAPS Hundreds of TAPS survivors attended NFL football games and events around the country that brought families together to honor the lives of their fallen heroes. The NFL’s Salute to Service is a year-round effort to honor, empower and connect service members, veterans and their families. The program culminated in a series of games and activities throughout
Saturday Morning Message: A Sense of Accomplishment Saturday Morning Message: A Sense of Accomplishment Saturday Morning Message: A Sense of Accomplishment Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this week is from Ginny, mother of Patrick. You will read about what she is doing later in the message. Since there were so many wonderful replies this week, I will keep my comments short. One thing that gives me a sense of accomplishment each week is seeing the Saturday Morning Message come to my mailbox. Then, I know you have all received it, too.
Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Carol Lane Good Morning, Everyone's idea of a vacation is different. Mine involves either visiting relatives or going to the ocean beach. The place we go for our ocean retreat has changed. I haven't been back to the place we took our son and daughter when they were younger. However, this is a picture of a new place that was chosen by our daughter. We have added her husband t