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Saturday Morning Message: Lifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Lifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Angelversary Ideas \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week, in addition to the responses to the question about lifting spirits, there were a variety of pictures included. The lead picture comes from Kelsey, mother of Michael. You will read her explanation later in the message. We all have such unique ways of creating a way to lift our spirits when we are down. I know you will find those who wrote this week to have imag
Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Songs Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Songs Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Songs Carol Lane Good Morning, This beautiful mountain scene is one chosen while I listened to the uplifting songs which survivors sent in answer to last week's question. My favorite is "The Dance" by Garth Brooks. It speaks to those who had a loved one leave. It emphasizes it is better not to know what will happen and enjoy the life shared. This is the message TAPS brings when talking about celebrating the lives
Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide Understanding Why People Die by Suicide \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton What happened? Why did he do it? The answers to the questions are complex. When someone we love dies by suicide, it can be overwhelming and confusing, and bring with it many emotions and questions. Those affected by suicide often struggle with how, and if, their life will ever fit back together again. More than anybody, it is the suicide loss survivor who is left with endless “whys” and
The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief The Metaphors of Grief Emily Munoz Traveling the country to host Regional Seminars, the TAPS team hears about the sense of freedom that comes from connecting with other people who understand. At TAPS events, you can be yourself – the armor can come off; the mask can fall away. As this happens, our bonds as a TAPS family strengthen and grow. And then, Sunday rolls around, and with it comes the real world – and some of us need that armor back. We don’t want to send you ho
Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal Helping a Suicide Survivor Heal Alan Wolfelt Historian Arnold Toynbee once wrote, "There are always two parties to a death; the person who dies and the survivors who are bereaved." Unfortunately, many survivors of suicide suffer alone and in silence. The silence that surrounds them often complicates the healing that comes from being encouraged to mourn. Because of the social stigma surrounding suicide, survivors feel the pain of the loss, yet may not know ho
Finding Your Way through the Holidays Finding Your Way through the Holidays Finding Your Way through the Holidays Andrea Hug A Guide for Parents of Grieving Children The holiday season is here. At least that’s what the advertisers think. We hear “Happy Holidays,” “Feliz Navidad,” and “Happy New Year” all the time and wonder if we will ever be happy again. For those of us who are grieving, getting from one day to the next may be all we can manage during this season. Grieving is the hardest and most demanding work you will eve
A Stillness Among the Trees A Stillness Among the Trees A Stillness Among the Trees Abi Ruth Martin Heading to Bainbridge Island, Washington, for my first TAPS Empowerment Week of Renewal, I was nervous and apprehensive. Usually, I am surrounded by friends and family when reflecting on my brother’s death and its impact on me. But this week, I would be sharing and talking about this intimate part of my life with people I had never met before. Breathing in the salty sea air, I was reminded of Jack’s life in the Seatt
Independence is Happiness Independence is Happiness Independence is Happiness \| TAPS International Bushra Farkish TAPS International, Afghanistan withdrawal, war, military families Independence Freedom is priceless. It should never be taken for granted. My wish for Afghanistan is the feeling of freedom I have found in America.
Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It Mental Health and the Military: Asking for Help When You Need It \| TAPS Jon Ganues This piece originally appeared in the Real Stories blog of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. I am a survivor of suicide loss, having lost a first cousin, a second cousin, and an Air Force son to suicide. I am also a survivor of suicide ideation. In 1993, while serving as a U.S. Army Warrant Officer, in the 82nd Airborne Division at
You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief You’re Not Alone: Braving the Long Journey of Grief \| TAPS Kelly Griffith Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. As the snow compacted beneath the weight of my heavy boots, I began to cry. I was tired — exhausted, really — covered in layer upon layer of brand name cold weather gear and yet still shivering from the amount of sweat rolling down my back. Ice crystals formed on my eyebrows and lashes. It hadn’t stopped snowing since I’d arrived three days
Bearing the Responsibility Bearing the Responsibility Bearing the Responsibility Rachael Hill Fall has always been my favorite season. The leaves change beautiful colors, there is a pumpkin spice scent everywhere I go, and the cooler air brings out my beloved jeans and hoodies. It is a time of new beginnings as school starts again, football season comes and goes, and then it is the beginning of hockey season for my boys. I find it to be a busy, but beautiful and exciting time of year. However, as fall makes its app
Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Today Is My Day Linda Ambard So many people spend their lives in quiet desperation thinking of one day - someday. I was no different and, at times, I am still stuck in the rut of day-to-day responsibilities and routines. Mired in the frenetic pace and wanting more, never quite reaching that elusive someday, is exactly where I was when Phil was killed. I was happy sitting on the sidelines waiting, but I knew something was missing for me and for my life. When Phil married me,
Beginning of the New Normal Beginning of the New Normal Beginning of the New Normal Bob Bagosy On September 11, 2001, my children were young. My oldest daughter, an attorney, was 29; she was to be married in November. My second daughter, a teacher, was 23; she was to be married in May. My oldest son was 19 and in his first year of college. My second son was 17 and a high school student; my youngest son was 12 and a grade school student. My wife and I were working within our professions. A dog and cat rounded out our no
Lessons Learned Lessons Learned Lessons Learned Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann In 2002 I lost my dad while he was training to deploy to Iraq. I was ten years old. College was the last thing on my mind, and it was not high on my mother's priority list either. It was always something I knew I would do, but not something my mother and I really discussed until the end of my junior year of high school after I had taken multiple AP exams, done expensive ACT prep and testing and was now paying ridiculous amounts of mon
The Changing of Linda The Changing of Linda The Changing of Linda Linda Ambard Everybody hurts sometimes. I still do. As I stare down the quickly approaching three year milestone, I am feeling alone and slightly adrift. It started this week with a holiday I don't even like all that much. Valentine's Day was never that big of a deal when Phil was alive. Sure we exchanged cards and went out for dinner at some point, but it wasn't something either of us put a lot of effort into. For some reason this year, Val
To Infinity and Beyond To Infinity and Beyond To Infinity and Beyond Linda Ambard Running the Dopey Challenge at Disney World was about more than a race for me. I have now completed 79 marathons, but this marathon (plus a half marathon, 10 K, and 5 K) represented more than a taxing physical challenge. The miles jump started 2014-my year of hope. What better place to start it than the place where the beginning of the end started; many happy memories came flooding back, and I was able to take that first terrifying
The Search for Answers The Search for Answers The Search for Answers Bob Bagosy As I write this, today is my son's birthday - 29 years ago Tommy was born. I was in the delivery room, and got to hold him for the first time. I remembered crying in happiness at his birth, and for all that he will see, and experience in his life. On May 13, 2010 I was in the funeral home in Jacksonville, NC helping to put Tommy's medals and ribbons on his dress blues. After he was dressed for the last time, I spent some time alone wit
Run and Remember: Healthy Kids Fun Run Run and Remember: Healthy Kids Fun Run Run and Remember: Healthy Kids Fun Run Betsy Beard A Growing Component of the TAPS Run and Remember Team The year was 2004. The TAPS Run and Remember team had been tying up their shoelaces and running to honor their loved ones for the previous four years. For the first time, TAPS expanded the Run and Remember Team to include our TAPS children running the Marine Corps Marathon Healthy Kids Fun Run. “At that time everyone gathered at the Iwo Jima Memor
A Recipe for Holiday Wellness A Recipe for Holiday Wellness A Recipe for Holiday Wellness Nancy Heinrich Holiday traditions are part of a family’s collective memory. What was your favorite holiday tradition growing up? Was it making and decorating cookies with your mother? Singing carols with neighbors? Decorating the house? Holiday traditions are part of a family's collective memory. Traditions define families and communities. Children depend on them like they do the security of their favorite blanket. Traditions gro
Saturday Morning Message: Spiritual Changes Saturday Morning Message: Spiritual Changes Saturday Morning Message: Spiritual Changes \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The lead picture today comes from the TAPS New Mexico Parents Retreat. I thought it portrayed in a balloon heading up to the sky, our thoughts ascending to the spiritual part of our lives. When a loved one dies, we go through many shifts as our life changes direction. We begin to look at what we need to keep and what we should leave behind. I do my best thinking when I a
How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves How Helping Others Can Help Ourselves Mike Aldapa I had just gotten off a flight when I noticed the message from a TAPS staff member on my phone. She asked for my help in supporting a surviving mother, Tatiana Oddson, who lived near me. This surviving mom was running the New York City Half Marathon on the six-month anniversary of her son’s death. It was her tribute to her son, Air Force Airman 1st Class Alfred Komlev. Each month since her son died, Tatia
It’s a Colorful Life It’s a Colorful Life It’s a Colorful Life \| TAPS Lalaine Estella At 58 years old, Beatriz Alvarado had never been interested in painting or drawing. She never picked up a paintbrush or drawing pencils. She never felt she was creative. When her son, 27-year-old Oscar Eduardo Dulanto, an Army veteran, died by suicide in February 2017, Beatriz found herself in a dark and hopeless place. She said she had lost the most precious thing a mother could lose—a child. Beatriz struggled to find her
Mother's Day Thoughts Mother's Day Thoughts Mother's Day Thoughts Carol Lane Mother’s Day is here. This is one of those days on the grief journey that can bring up a variety of emotions. The picture is of my two children. On the left is my son, Bryon, and on the right my daughter, Bethany. One of the many things I have learned since joining TAPS is to celebrate the lives of all those we love. Take each day and enjoy the time together. This Mother’s Day, I will have lunch with my husband and daughter as we will ce
A Milestone - Cody's 21st Birthday A Milestone - Cody's 21st Birthday A Milestone - Cody's 21st Birthday Peggy Scallorn In January of 2012, my son Airman 1st Class Cody Scallorn took his life at the age of 18. I realized very quickly there were going to be so many important things in life he would no longer be a part of and experience. I also soon came to the realization that he would be missing important milestones of his own. This past June, my first born and only son would have celebrated his 21st birthday. I knew this woul
Is It Ok? Is It Ok? Is It Ok? Shanette Booker Every day for about the first two years after Dre's passing, I walked on eggshells and hid behind the bushes. I never wanted to be in the limelight. I didn't want to say or do anything that would offend someone. I was his wife and as his widow, I didn't want to be inappropriate in my mannerisms, words, or actions. I felt as if people would question how much I loved my husband, if I loved him as much as I said I did, or if I still loved him. It was the harde
Get Involved, Meet Your Peers in the TAPS Young Adults Program Get Involved, Meet Your Peers in the TAPS Young Adults Program Get Involved, Meet Your Peers in the TAPS Young Adults Program TAPS For military surviving children and siblings ages 18 to 30, the TAPS Young Adults Program focuses on 5 Pillars of Growth and Healing during your grief journey—personal development, career guidance, communications, financial stability, and service to others. Whether you are a TAPS Good Grief Camp graduate or new to our TAPS family, please know you have a place here
Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Saturday Morning Message: Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions Coping With Sudden Grief Emotions \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Being there to listen without judgement is one wonderful gift TAPS gives to those who connect with our organization. The opening photo shows a TAPS Military Mentor listening carefully to a young survivor. Through our mentors, caring staff and our Helpline Team, TAPS is here 24/7 to listen and to provide support to all survivors. The Saturda
Saturday Morning Message: Objects that Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects that Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects that Help Heal \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week’s question brought not only responses, but several pictures and an extra song. This picture of comes from Leslie, mother of Eugene. The plant is a cactus and you will read how it is special to her later in the message. I know you will find joy from all the replies this week, so I will keep my comments short and let you go forward. Thank you to
Choosing Joy Choosing Joy Choosing Joy Carlene Cross This article was published in the Fall 2017 Issue of the TAPS Magazine. “I regret to inform you…” the chaplain began. In an instant, my life fell apart on July 13, 2008. I was sucked into blackness. Panic engulfed me in waves, blinding me and destroying all logical thinking. I ran to a picture of Jason holding an Afghan child and hugged it to my chest. A world without my son could never be real. It was unimaginable. For months, my face was blood
Bringing Alex Home Bringing Alex Home Bringing Alex Home \| TAPS Donleigh Gaunky A Brother’s Loss During War I am a man. I am a brother. I am a combat veteran. And I am a sibling survivor. Nowadays, there are not that many of us who have survived going to war and, at the same time, lost a family member to that same war. In the 1940s there were more of us. A visit to the Arizona Memorial at Pearl Harbor will give you a great example of the magnitude of this reality in just a single event. More than 30 sets of si
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week survivors wrote a variety of ways they honor their loved ones. This picture seems to exemplify this. It shows a TAPS parachute with the Army veteran jumper holding the American flag. In this way TAPS honors those who have passed while serving our country. I am going to keep my comments short so you can get to all the wonderful responses that came in th
Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring Saturday Morning Message: The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring The Positive Impact of Peer Mentoring \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The TAPS Peer Mentor Program offers a companion on our grief journey. We are matched with another survivor who has suffered a similar loss. The opening picture is from the article, "5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief," written by Amanda Klager who is the surviving sister of Army Spc. Adam Klager. In the article, she
Saturday Morning Message: Teachers make a difference Saturday Morning Message: Teachers make a difference Teachers make a difference \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, Teachers can be very motivating especially when they help us discover subjects we find interesting. Survivors wrote this week about those subjects and how they were encouraged by teachers to continue exploring these subjects. One of my favorite subjects is reading. For those who find reading helpful especially during these uncertain times, Lauren, siste
The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life \| TAPS Michael Brezenski A group of widowed fathers were brought together for what was planned as a six-session lecture and discussion forum. As it developed, the meetings became more like a support group and continued for nearly four years. From this experience, Dr. Donald Rosenstein and Dr. Justin Yopp have penned The Group: Seven Widowed Fathers Reimagine Life. The doctors recount the personal
The Dance The Dance The Dance \| TAPS Amy Dozier Months ago, my mom signed my daughter up for cotillion. This would serve two purposes: teaching her social graces and allowing her to bond over tea parties with other kids her age (well, three purposes if you count the alone time I was afforded on these random Sunday afternoons to grocery shop or go for a run). After each class, our three-generation trio would talk about what was learned and how it would be applied in the years to come. Some days we talke
Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made Saturday Morning Message: The Difference TAPS Has Made \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture this week is of some of the participants in the Marine Corps Marathon. I am using it since my daughter ran/walked for TAPS on Oct. 22, and I went to support her. I am so proud of those who took part and also those of us who stayed on the sidelines encouraging them. Staying in the hotel where most of the TAPS participants stayed was
An Easter Angelversary An Easter Angelversary An Easter Angelversary Allicia Johnson March 27 is Easter Sunday this year. To many it’s a day to reflect on the life of Christ and the miracle that occurred over two thousand years ago. For many others, it’s that beautiful time of year when Cadbury Mini Eggs grace the grocery store shelves. In general, it is a good time to focus on a new season of hope and new beginnings as flowers bloom and we look excitedly toward warmer days and summer fun. What is not to like about
Book Shelf: Finding Peace Without All the Pieces Book Shelf: Finding Peace Without All the Pieces Book Shelf: Finding Peace Without All the Pieces Rebecca Morrison A few months after the suicide death of my beloved husband Ian, my academic side and counseling training kicked in. I decided I was going to learn as much as possible about how to recover from losing Ian to suicide. I scoured Amazon for books on suicide loss and healing and ordered them all. I scanned through a couple of them, but nothing really spoke to me. The books went into a
Love is in the Air Love is in the Air Love is in the Air Michele Hiester Marcum Ahhh… Welcome to February, the month of cupids, romance and rocketing Hallmark profits! I confess that I’ve never been much of a romantic when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Don’t get me wrong. I cherish time with my loved ones, and I appreciate well-intentioned cards and the occasional box of chocolates. But when it comes to the glitzy bling, extravagant dinners and romantic outings, I’m more apt to choose the practical, simple
From Attitude to Gratitude From Attitude to Gratitude From Attitude to Gratitude Betsy Beard Cultivating Thankfulness Weak sunlight filtering through the bare branches, a cold mist rising from the river, and frost on the ground. It’s November, again. We’re supposed to be thankful... I am transported back in time to the first year following our son’s death in Iraq. The season pressed in on me and I flinched away from it in anger and hurt. The holidays loomed large and bleak without Brad, and as the waves of despair
Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories Saturday Morning Message: Summer Memories \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The replies sent in response to the question about summer memories this week were wonderful. When I read them, I got a picture in my mind of the places described. One survivor, Debby RM, spouse of Tom, sent a picture of Lake Tahoe to go along with one of her memories. I thought it would make a good opening for this week’s message. Debby wrote, “Lake Tahoe is where Tom and I we
What Finally Pushed Me Over the Edge What Finally Pushed Me Over the Edge What Finally Pushed Me Over the Edge Michelle West Moving forward through grief and fear Ever since March 11, 2008, I have been teetering on the edge. On that day I received the heartbreaking news that my husband Staff Sergeant Laurent J. West was killed while serving in Iraq. The resulting days pushed me right to the edge, always balancing between keeping it together and falling apart. The knock on the door that evening came one hour after I had rec
The Mask of Being OK The Mask of Being OK The Mask of Being OK \| TAPS Sammi Hester With the fall season fully underway, I find myself reflecting. My children and I have always loved the excitement Fall brings. With festivals, fires, and flavors, the senses come to life and new memories are made. For our family, Fall also signals the start of the holiday season, beginning with Halloween. While I know not everyone celebrates Halloween, the topic brought to mind the masks that are often worn during this t
Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress Saturday Morning Message: Easing Anxiety and Stress \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Stress and anxiety are emotions felt by grieving people. This week, survivors share ideas on what brings them comfort when these emotions come over them. Hugs help me the most, so I’m sharing a picture of two survivors giving each other a wonderful hug. It is also the reason I sign most of my TAPS correspondence with the word “Hugs.” Please feel that I am hu
Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets Saturday Morning Message: The Comfort of Pets The Comfort of Pets \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture this week is of Dandelion, my daughter’s cat. She loves animals, but wasn’t able to have a cat when she lived at home, because I am allergic. So the minute she moved into her own place, this is the cat she chose from the shelter. This week more survivors shared stories and pictures of their beloved pets. For those of us who have pets, they offer mu
Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Self-Care Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Self Care Strategies \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Today we are sharing some of what we do to practice self-care. Taking care of yourself while grieving can be the last thing on your mind, but it is important. In addition to the responses from survivors about what has helped them, I want to include several articles TAPS has published with ideas to help with grieving. “Gifts of grief: Tools to help you through,” writte
Steer into the Skid Steer into the Skid Steer into the Skid \| TAPS Randy Beard A strategy for coping with grief Grief feels a lot like winter. Winter is cloudy, overcast and cold. The heavy, gray skies make you want to withdraw. People tend to stay closed up indoors, isolated from their friends. The days are dark and icy and bleak. Our family's grief-winter started when two Army officers showed up on our doorstep early one morning in October 2004. It felt like a cloud of winter descended over everything. Its ic
Amazon #SeasonOfSmiles Amazon #SeasonOfSmiles Amazon #SeasonOfSmiles \| TAPS TAPS This holiday season, Amazon will be sharing inspirational charity stories with millions of Facebook followers. Starting November 20, TAPS invites you to participate in the #SeasonOfSmiles social media campaign by sharing your best TAPS stories. Your story might illustrate how AmazonSmile donations are helping to provide hope and healing to families just like yours who are grieving the loss of a military hero and especially feeling the
Saturday Morning Message: How we spend our time at home Saturday Morning Message: How we spend our time at home How we spend our time at home \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture is a rose in my garden. I have been getting the gardens around my house ready, so I may enjoy the flowers this year. Survivors share what they are doing now that they have to spend time at home. Each response is a bit different and unique. Sometimes we find hidden talents or take the ones we have and give them a new twist. Other ti
D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation D-Day, my dad, citizens serving the nation \| TAPS Jim Hake Today is the 75th Anniversary of D-Day — the beginning of the Allied invasion of Normandy and the turning point in the liberation of Europe in World War II. My father was part of the invasion at Utah Beach. He decided to enlist in the Navy after the attack on Pearl Harbor and became a SeaBee. “SeaBee” comes from CB or Construction Battalion. As a Chief Shipfitter, my father’s job was to s
'My brother brought us together’ 'My brother brought us together’ My brother brought us together \| TAPS Deb Lucey In May 2013, I attended the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and went to watch Rolling Thunder, the massive motorcycle rally in Washington, D.C., that occurs every Memorial Day weekend. Hundreds of thousands of members on motorcycles do a slow ride, called the Ride to Freedom, to honor the military fallen and their loved ones. The ride starts at the Pentagon and heads to the monuments on the National Mall.
Yoga was my survival raft 'Yoga was my survival raft' Yoga was my survival raft \| TAPS Rayanne Hunter For many years now my family’s Memorial Day Weekends have looked quite different from the collective norm. Every year we look forward to gathering in Washington, D.C. for the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar with a new family I never expected to be a part of—our Gold Star Family. These fellow surviving families are learning to thrive under a new normal without their military loved one. My husband, Staff Sgt. We
Saturday Morning Message: Objects That Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects That Help Heal Saturday Morning Message: Objects That Help Heal Carol Lane Good Morning, This week’s question brought not only responses but several pictures and two songs. This picture of a bear comes from Bonnie Jo, mother of Andrew. The bear’s name is Snuffles. She sent it along with a song that is meaningful to her. I placed her writing right below the Song of the Week section, so this week, we have two songs to enjoy. I know you will find joy from al
Unexpected Grief, and Joy, On Mother's Day Unexpected Grief, and Joy, On Mother's Day Unexpected Grief, and Joy, On Mother's Day August Cabrera Of all the holidays I thought would be hard, Mother's Day was not at the top of my list. After all, it was about me, not my late husband, and how could that be hard? It would be just another day alone with my boys. No big deal. Was I ever wrong. That first Mother's Day brought all kinds of realizations: there would be no surprise gifts, no breakfast in bed, no pampering for a day. My boys,
Just Give Me a Reason--Just a Little Bit's Enough Just Give Me a Reason--Just a Little Bit's Enough Just Give Me a Reason--Just a Little Bit's Enough Linda Ambard I stood facing down the monster of the holidays this year not knowing which way to turn. I stood trembling and unsure as I stood paralyzed by the pain of the past two Christmas'. Last year, a year I hoped would start the healing, further scarred me. I found out my father who had been working full time, and who was fairly young (71 years old) had two to four weeks to live. I did not
The Hawk The Hawk The Hawk Bob Bagosy Someone once asked where my notes were before I spoke about my son Tommy, I said all my notes are in my heart. On this past Father’s Day, Katie, Tommy’s widow who had recently moved to Georgia, brought the grandkids over to help make all our Father’s Day a little bit brighter. After all, it’s a day to celebrate Fathers. Tommy’s kids are great! His son Nathan and his daughter Avery light up my life! They give me a reason to go on. They are too young in some ways
The Power to Choose Hope The Power to Choose Hope The Power to Choose Hope \| TAPS Grace Seamon-Lahiff On a recent morning, I did everything the work-from-home experts told me to do. I got up, changed clothes, brushed my teeth, combed my hair. I even put on a little makeup. I went about my routine: settling into the new normal, preparing myself for a day of spreadsheets. Listening to the news as I made my coffee. Allowing the details of this devastating pandemic to wash over me. Shielding myself in the embrace of avoi
In the Kitchen In the Kitchen How One Family's Grief Plays out in the Kitchen - TAPS News Patty Reis Our family grief plays out in the kitchen. We discovered early in our grief that when I attempted tasks in the kitchen they often resulted in something burning. I would start a meal, fire up the stove and soon discover, from the other side of the house, that I had forgotten about the culinary effort started only minutes before. Many a pot full of charred, best-intention delicacies were left outside the back
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night Linda Ambard I liked the person I became in the 23 years I was married to Phil. I learned to trust myself and to dream big. Life was filled with possibility, fun, and the comfort that came from knowing that even if I fell or failed, someone, my someone, believed in me and would love me anyway. It was strength forged of time tested hurdles, life events, and the moments. Like most people, I thought there would be mor
My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss My Journey as a Survivor of Suicide Loss Mike Aldapa My journey as a survivor of military suicide loss began July 18th, 2012, when our son Paul, a young 22-year old Petty Officer in the Coast Guard, took his own life in what was determined to be a homicide-suicide. Paul died 3 years and 10 months into his 4 year enlistment. At the time of his death, Paul was actively pursuing a career in law enforcement that he was looking forward to after he got ou
In This Dress In This Dress In This Dress Linda Ambard I have a dress that sits in the back of my closet. I wear it on special occasions. This dress is special to me not because it is anything stunning to look at, but because of what it has come to represent. To understand the dress and its impact on me, one must look at why I bought the dress...rather, who I bought the dress for. I bought the dress on a whim while Phil was deployed. I bought this navy polka dotted dress just after I booked what would
Jeff's Stuff Jeff's Stuff Jeff's Stuff Rachael Hill As we get closer to moving out of state, I am starting to go through everything to determine what needs to come with us and what can be left behind. I normally enjoy this process as I have fun organizing things and even more so, I love the feeling at the end when everything is done. However, this current task is proving to be a much different experience than ever before. This move is bringing some emotions that I wasn't necessarily prepared for.
New Traditions New Traditions New Traditions Elizabeth Rozier I haven’t been as faithful to my blog posts as I committed to being. Guess that’s my New Year’s Resolution. So today that’s my focus…or maybe it’s just procrastinating, like taking down the Christmas decorations that are STILL up! Either way, my thoughts over Christmas have been itching to get out. I saw many of my surviving sibling buddies’ posts over Facebook during this season and had a few mixed emotions. I remember the first Christmas that w
A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor A Legacy of Service - A Mission of Honor \| TAPS Mona Gunn There is no loss like that of a child whose life was cut short. My son Cherone’s death was devastating to our family. He chose to follow in his dad’s footsteps and join the U.S. Navy. Immediately following his death in the attack on the USS Cole, there was nothing but pain in our hearts. The only thing that sustained us at that time was our family and friends as well as all the memories of his
Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days? Saturday Morning Message: How Do You Mark Special Days? How Do You Mark Special Days? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, This week we share some of the things we do to mark special days. Sometimes there are days that are just hard, but not just special occasions like an anniversary, birthday, holiday or angelversary. That is when we need to remember those special moments with our loved ones. The opening picture shows Lily, and her father, John, at Dunkin’ Donuts where t
Healing and Hope After Suicide Healing and Hope After Suicide Healing and Hope After Suicide Iris Bolton Surviving the death of a dear one is to endure great pain. Surviving a suicidal death is to compound that pain, often with guilt, anger, and confusion. Fortunately, hope is on the horizon with of the growing knowledge about grief and traumatic loss. This hope is fueled by a new willingness to talk freely about death. The grief community is learning about the causes of suicide, helping to discover ways to assist with
Saturday Morning Message: Ways to Re-Energize Saturday Morning Message: Ways to Re-Energize Saturday Morning Message: Ways to Re-Energize Carol Lane Good Morning, When we put forth emotional or physical energy, we need to take time for ourselves to relax and re-energize. Walking through my garden is rejuvenating for me. Looking at the changes throughout the year brings joy. I wanted to share this picture of creeping phlox appearing to spill down the hill with you this morning. When I came home from TAPS National Seminar, there they were
Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminars and Retreats Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminars and Retreats Saturday Morning Message: TAPS Seminars and Retreats Carol Lane Good Morning, Going to a seminar or a retreat can be a moving experience. If you haven’t attended either, you may want to know the special qualities of each. At a seminar, there are workshops to understand grief, support groups in which survivors meet in a gentle environment with others who have experienced a similar death, special events that are held in the local area aro
White Stones of Honor White Stones of Honor White Stones of Honor Ken Ashley It couldn’t have happened…but it did. It shouldn’t have happened…but it did. There it was, that wooden box that was holding my precious son, my only son, draped in the colors of the country he fought and died for. It’s still hard to say…but, there it was. There I was, standing beside that box, my hand gently lying upon that revered cloth and again the tears flowed freely, and I would not stop them from flowing. They were coming from the
Saturday Morning Message: What has someone done for you to ease your grief that you'll never forget? Saturday Morning Message: What has someone done for you to ease your grief that you'll never forget? Saturday Morning Message: What has someone done for you to ease your grief that you'll never forget? \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Supporting families who have experienced the loss of a loved one can be very important as we all know. This week survivors have written about the meaningful gifts others gave them in their grief. TAPS gives survivors many gifts, and this week the Saturday Morn
Saturday Morning Message: Strategies for good sleep Saturday Morning Message: Strategies for Good Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Strategies for Good Sleep \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Sleep can be difficult after the death of a loved one. Some find that all they want to do is sleep and others find that getting enough sleep is a challenge. This week survivors shared their ideas about what they do when sleep eludes them. This article from the TAPS Magazine, “To Sleep or Not to Sleep, That is the Problem" may also be helpful. It offers sugg
A Grateful Nation Pauses to Remember A Grateful Nation Pauses to Remember A Grateful Nation Pauses to Remember \| TAPS Taylor Strong I will never forget how beautiful the weather was on September 15, 2014. It was a crisp fall day, which was unseasonable for southern North Carolina. I was on my way down to a check-up in Wilmington for my pregnancy. Charles and I were expecting our first baby, a girl, due in the beginning of December. On my way down to Wilmington, he called me from Afghanistan to let me know he loved me and he woul
Introducing Shanette Booker Introducing Shanette Booker Introducing Shanette Booker Shanette Booker I would like to welcome you to my world of wonder, wisdom, and widowhood. I am Mrs. Shanette Booker, wife of USMC Sgt. /USARMYSSG. Andre ‘Dre’ Booker. We met 14 March 2004, in beautiful Beaufort, South Carolina, where we fell in love and were married 22 October 2005. I met Dre while he was stationed at the Marine Corps Air Station, Beaufort, when he was just a Corporal in the Marine Corps. We have 4 very unique and love
Handling the Holidays Handling the Holidays Handling the Holidays Darcie Sims The holidays are coming and I’m not ready. Everything seems to sparkle and there is always so much to do! It is a festive time, filled with joyous occasions and family gatherings. But when your family circle has been broken by death, holidays and special days may only serve to remind you of the empty space at the table, the hole in your heart. I am not sure if I will ever again be ready for the holidays. The world has simply gone mad
The Journey through Grief The Journey through Grief The Journey through Grief Alan Wolfelt The Mourner’s Six Reconciliation Needs The death of someone loved changes our lives forever. And the movement from "before" to "after" is almost always a long, painful journey. I have learned that if we are to heal, we cannot skirt the outside edges of our grief. Instead, we must journey all through it, sometimes meandering the side roads, sometimes plowing directly into its raw center. I have also learned that the journey
10K for Dad 10K for Dad 10K for Dad \| TAPS Janet Kramer Surviving Daughter Runs with the Marines to Honor Her Dad Sitting at Dad's graveside at Arlington National Cemetery, I took a breath and looked around. I could hear the announcer's voice from the finish line at the Marine Corps Marathon on Sunday, October 29, 2023. I carefully undid the safety pins from my Team TAPS racing shirt and removed my race bib and laminated photo of Dad. I propped both up against the tombstone. Then I took off my 10K
Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief Carrying Each Other Through the Load of Grief \| TAPS Betty Medlock My parents, who were part of the Greatest Generation, taught me to respect and honor Memorial Day. But, while several members of my extended family served our country, none died while serving. So, for much of my life, Memorial Day remained mostly an abstract holiday. All that changed in January 2016, when I lost my son, Michael. After Michael’s death, Memorial Day shifted from ab
Saturday Morning Message: Memories and Photos Saturday Morning Message: Memories and Photos Saturday Morning Message: Memories and Photos \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Pictures bring back memories of what we did with our loved ones and what they loved doing. This picture I carry in my cell phone wherever I go and I wanted to share it with you. It brings back the memory of how much Bryon loved his job in the Marines. He was a helicopter crew chief. One of his friends took the picture on one of the flights. I love the picture because it
Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Balance of Life Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Balance of Life Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Balance of Life Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's question about how each of us handle the emotional events of our lives was reflective, so I chose a picture showing a survivor taking time to contemplate. She is sitting by the ocean, but others may like to take a walk in the woods or just find somewhere quiet to think. In the early days of my grief journey, I went to the cemetery to sit on a ben
Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Taking Care Of Ourselves Carol Lane Good morning, The picture today is of a rose poinsettia that is sitting on my dining room table. I wanted to share it with you as this is one way I take some time just to enjoy what I like. I wander through our local garden center and look at all the beautiful flowers. Many of you know I live in the northern part of our country, so the winter can be very drab without color. Every
A Comforting Companion for the Journey A Comforting Companion for the Journey A Comforting Companion for the Journey \| TAPS Rachelle Ellis Sue Quackenbush TAPS Peer Mentor Program - Sharing Strength and Hope From Rachelle Ellis… Photo courtesy of Rachelle Ellis. I will never forget March 26, 2019. I received the news that my son, Jarrett, had passed away. Jarrett was such an amazing young man. He was loving, caring, funny, and compassionate. He had so much going for him and I just couldn't believe it. I was in shock.
Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Often while grieving we care for others in our friends/family circle, but it is really important to take a bit of time each day to do something we enjoy. One thing that lifts my spirits is to sit and talk with a friend like these survivors are doing at a TAPS seminar. That is why I like attending TAPS events. There I meet other survivors and form friendships. When I a
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Recipes \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This is a picture of the main course of the dinner at the Grand Banquet at the TAPS 24th National Military Survivor and Good Grief Camp. I thought it would be a good picture to use as an opening for this week’s message. There were many responses to this week’s question, so I will keep my comments brief today. I would love to gather some questions you might have for future
The Choice to Forgive The Choice to Forgive The Choice to Forgive Linda Ambard Forgiveness is a choice that is hard fought for at times. It can be a daily choice that can vary based on the morning or time. The choice to forgive does not mean forgetting or restoration of trust in the situation of egregious harm, malice, or incident. It does mean letting go and letting God take care of what comes next. I fight to forgive and I will continue to do so even in the raging tumultuous sea. It did feel freeing to forgive s
Veterans Day Veterans Day Veterans Day Rachael Hill Since my husband’s death in 2010, Veterans Day has always been my hardest holiday. Surprisingly it is not his birthday or his angelversary, nor is it Father’s Day or our wedding anniversary. It is Veterans Day, and it is a day that always seems to bring me to tears at one point or another. Jeff and I both joined the Air Force right out of high school. We didn’t know each other at the time, but met shortly after while in the same squadron at Technical
Words Words Words Michele Hiester Marcum I am a writer at heart, and I'm happiest with a pen in my hand, a new notebook on my lap, and my mind racing full speed ahead. I communicate. It's what I do. Ironically, one of the highest hurdles I've had to cross is that of communication after. After the funeral dinner. After the final goodbyes. After everyone else resumes their normal everyday busyness. I just don't know what to say. It's been eight years for my family and me. Just eight of the
It's Not Fair It's Not Fair It's Not Fair Rachael Hill I am finding that grief can rear its head in ways that I never expected. “Attacks” of missing my husband come without a moments notice and one day I can be feeling great, pressing on with life while the next day arrives with a completely new set of emotions. It can sometimes be a serious emotional roller coaster! For me there is new meaning to the phrase “one day at a time”. I recently had a span of a few days where I just wasn’t myself and was mis
Yoga Was My Survival Raft: A Journey of Healing Through Teaching Yoga Yoga Was My Survival Raft: A Journey of Healing Through Teaching Yoga Yoga Was My Survival Raft: A Journey of Healing Through Teaching Yoga \| TAPS Rayanne Hunter For many years, my family’s Memorial Day Weekends have looked quite different from the collective norm. We look forward to the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar every year, where we gather with a family that we never expected to be a part of– our Gold Star Family. My husband, U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Wesley Hunter, died on Sept
Saturday Morning Message: Mother's Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Mother's Day Activities Saturday Morning Message: Mother's Day Activities \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes watching the sun go up or go down can be the most relaxing thing we can do to take care of ourselves. This week several survivors shared what they did on Mother’s Day to honor themselves and those who served as mothers as they grew up. Now we just turn around and it will be Memorial Day very soon. Since this might be a stressful month, I thought I woul
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Mementos Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, I thought I would share my memento picture. This is the heart locket I wear every day. Inside is a picture of my son at boot camp. I am making my comments short since we had responses to two different questions making this week’s message longer than usual. Last week Betty, mother of Michael sent a picture of what looked like a coin and asked i
5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child 5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child 5 Ways to Honor Your Surviving Military Child Jonathan Kirkendall April is Month of the Military Child. And too often, our surviving military children don’t feel like they are part of this community of kids any longer. Here are some ideas for how to honor your surviving military children this month (and every month) to help them know they are part of this family and worth celebrating. 1. Let them know that April is Month of the Military Child
Survivors Fill Community Need for Face Masks Survivors Fill Community Need for Face Masks Survivors Fill Community Need for Face Masks \| TAPS Susie Ristau As everyone knows, we’re all going through a tough time in our lives with COVID-19. Every night when I went to bed I stressed over how things were going to be for my family. One night, I thought: Why am I laying here stressing over what is going to happen? I need to be doing something to help people in need. I had seen so many Facebook posts about places in need of face masks. The n
Community of Support and Compassion Provides Anchor ‘Community of Support and Compassion’ Provides Anchor Community of Support and Compassion Provides Anchor \| TAPS Marilyn Mosley Gordanier When I received the call that my beloved son Michael had died by suicide, I thought that life was over. I have two other amazing children, incredible grandchildren, a loving partner and a rich life. But deeply buried inside me was such sadness about my son, my boy, my baby. One day I received a call from Terri Jones at TAPS who supports military suicide s
Happy Father's Day Happy Father's Day Happy Father's Day Terry Meyer Happy Father's Day. It used to be. I can recall few details about each one I experienced, but I do remember it being special because either the kids were still at home and we did something special, or the kids were grown and I would receive a special phone call and good conversation with them. Either way, it was a day that reminded me of the special blessings that come from having children and carrying the honored title of "Dad." I remem
Celebrate Life Month Celebrate Life Month Celebrate Life Month Linda Ambard So often in life, people assume that there will always be another day to do the niceties we want to do for our loved ones. Often people get consumed with the daily minutiae of survival and responsibilities. I was no different. Phil and I had spent our entire marriage being parents and with having five children, there was little time for anything else. Our time, energy and resources went into being good parents and responsible adults.
Ray's Close Call Ray's Close Call Ray's Close Call Debbie Newhouse Just when I thought things were getting more normalized, life changed. I was a school teacher finishing up the last couple years of my career, my husband Ray was busy working as a stockbroker, and my two kids had just graduated from high school and were preparing for the next phase of their lives. My son Nick joined the Army. After basic training at Fort Benning and then being stationed at Camp Casey in South Korea, he got orders to deploy to
The Powerful Experience of a Civilian Serving TAPS The Powerful Experience of a Civilian Serving Families of the Fallen The Powerful Experience of a Civilian Serving Families of the Fallen \| TAPS Casey Callanan As I was driving north after work on Friday to spend a sunny Memorial Day weekend on the Jersey Shore in 2012, the Vice President's voice suddenly gripped my attention. The radio station's voiceover explained Joe Biden was speaking at an event organized by TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors). Having recently moved to the W
I Wish I Wish I Wish Michele Hiester Marcum Once upon a time, I had all the answers. Or at least, I thought I did. My life was more predictable than not, and with all the wisdom of my youth, I just knew that I could handle any roadblock I encountered… all by myself. Independence is a good thing, right? All that changed on a chilly, sunny day in March of 2005. That’s the day I received the call that many of you have experienced. Someone you love isn’t coming home. Looking back on that time in my
Opening Your Mind and Body to Heal Opening Your Mind and Body to Heal Opening Your Mind and Body to Heal \| TAPS Diane Ryan Massage Therapy and Working through Grief Google “massage therapy benefits” and you discover over 100 million results on different techniques and the benefits to your physical and psychological health. Studies have shown the importance and effectiveness of massage therapy on those dealing with health issues causing inflammation, pain, fatigue, and anxiety. However, when I experienced the loss of my forme
Saturday Morning Message: A Change of Purpose After Loved One's Death Saturday Morning Message: A Change of Purpose After Loved One's Death Saturday Morning Message: A Change of Purpose After Loved One's Death Carol Lane Good Morning, Our life is forever changed after the death of a loved one. This week's question was about doing things that honor our loved ones as our purpose in life changes. Jeanne, mother of Todd, sent this link to the "Open to Hope" radio show in which she was interviewed. Jeanne is an artist who has created many paintings including one s
Intention Setting Intention Setting Intention Setting Kelly Griffith Making Goals That Honor You and Your Hero The knock at the door came, and my world stopped. But within weeks I realized the world was still spinning for others. And they couldn't understand why mine wasn't. They wanted to know when my world would be in order again. They didn't realize that everything-including my priorities-had changed. I found myself feeling as if all the life goals I had before my brother died weren't worth much anymor
Introducing Rachael Hill Introducing Rachael Hill Introducing Rachael Hill Rachael Hill The year following my husband’s death was undoubtedly the most difficult year I have ever had to deal with. Never in a million years did I think I would be a widow and a single mom to 3 and 5 year old little boys at just 31 years old. That's the stuff that happens to other people...not to me. My husband was young, healthy, and full of life. This couldn't happen to him. We had so much going for ourselves and we were so in lo
Saturday Morning Message: What In Nature Reminds You Most Of Your Loved One? Saturday Morning Message: What In Nature Reminds You Most Of Your Loved One? What In Nature Reminds You Most Of Your Loved One? \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, Whether you lend a hand to a neighbor, volunteer at your favorite organization or give back to TAPS, we honor your service to others. We also acknowledge that taking care of ourselves, first and foremost, is important, if we are to be at our best when serving and supporting others. And, we recognize that having the
Active Remembering Active Remembering Active Remembering \| TAPS Allison Gilbert If you’re fortunate, like me, soon after your loved one dies, a swarm of friends will embrace you in all sorts of meaningful ways. They’ll pack the funeral home, attend the wake or shiva, and a few may even leave homemade meals wrapped in tin foil by your front door so you won’t have to cook for a while. Rituals surrounding loss tend to kick into gear automatically, and I benefitted from being the passive recipient of support when e
Growth is a Sign of Life Growth is a Sign of Life Growth is a Sign of Life Elizabeth Rozier For the first time in over a decade, my family had an official family portrait taken. My mom never passes on a great deal and when Groupon sent out one for portraits she bought it and set the date with enough warning no one could give adequate excuse to miss. I know I am writing to people who understand the importance of this occasion and to whom some things don’t need explaining; but for those who need the clarification, i
Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting Godwinks: A Chance Meeting \| TAPS Sandy Isom Editor's Note: The TAPS Wall of Heroes is a fixture at every National Military Survivor Seminar. The wall — a display of tiles, each featuring the photo of a fallen hero whose loved one is in attendance — is prominently displayed in the center of activity at the seminar. Throughout each day of the event, attendees, staff, volunteers, and guests pass by the wall — sometimes turning their heads for grateful glances, other
In Times of Uncertainty TAPS Online Community is Steadfast In Times of Uncertainty TAPS Online Community is Steadfast In Times of Uncertainty TAPS Online Community is Steadfast \| TAPS Lydia Burgdorf After I lost my son, Lance Corporal Carl Burgdorf, I started rebuilding my life. Lydia and her son Carl in Monterey, California (May, 2019). Photo courtesy of Lydia Burgdorf. It was important for me to be around other people, so I went back to work. I went to the gym four or five days a week to lift weights and work out my frustrations. I had din
Running for Andrew Running for Andrew Running for Andrew \| Team TAPS Jaime Boris “The Marine Corps Marathon was the most gratifying and humbling yet toughest physical and emotional experience I’ve had since burying my son. It was heart-healing in so many ways.”—Diana Cross, surviving mother Running a marathon was always on Diana Cross’s bucket list. She and her husband, Dan, found TAPS after the death of their son, Army National Guard SGT Andrew Cross, in 2009. “When I found out I could run in the Marine Corp
Finding Hope After Suicide Loss Finding Hope After Suicide Loss Finding Hope After Suicide Loss \| TAPS Mike Aldapa Celebrating the Life and Service of our Loved Ones A petty officer in the Coast Guard, my 22-year-old son Paul died by suicide when he took his own life on July 18, 2012, in what was determined to be a homicide-suicide. He was just months away from completing his enlistment in the Coast Guard with hopes of pursuing a career in law enforcement. Prior to his death, Paul and our family embraced his time in the
How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death How Cultural Exposure Changed My Thoughts on Death Gloria Horsley I keep hearing from people that the United States is a death-denying society. After my recent trip to India I am not sure I agree. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, in her landmark book, "On Death and Dying," brought death to the forefront of the American consciousness more than 40 years ago. Today, there are numerous books, workshops and research projects examining death and dying. It i
In the Morning: The Hindsight of Finding Hope In the Morning: The Hindsight of Finding Hope In the Morning: The Hindsight of Finding Hope Gloria McDaniel The day my son, Kenneth, died by suicide was a Sunday - a holiday - and the beginning of a new year. Jan. 1, 2012. Our world collapsed. So much of that initial day was a blur. People were coming and going from our home all day long. Tears flowed nonstop. How could I possibly cry this much and for so long? My intense thirst was almost overwhelming. That evening, darkness, and a total
Celebrating Life Again on Halloween Celebrating Life Again on Halloween Celebrating Life Again on Halloween Carla Stumpf Patton Of the many obstacles we face after the loss of a loved one is how to tackle those extra challenging hallmark calendar dates. These often entail the more emotionally charged days such as birthdays, wedding anniversaries, memorial dates (aka "angelversaries”) and other specific holidays that might hold special relevance to ourselves and of our loved ones. This can often feel even more challenging when
Saturday Morning Message: Attending funerals after loss of a loved one, Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Attending funerals after loss of a loved one, Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Attending funerals after loss of a loved one, Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Sunsets for many of us are comforting. Reading the variety of replies to this week’s question may help us to get ideas about how others deal with funerals after the death of a significant loved one. When we are faced with a funeral, we will have ideas about how to approach it and feel that we are supporte
Understanding A Widow’s Heart, New Directions Understanding A Widow’s Heart, New Directions Understanding A Widow’s Heart, New Directions Emma Wright March 9, 2013 Two and a half years ago today marks the darkest day I've ever known. The day when I was awakened by two dark silhouettes that I could see through the decorative glass panel of my front door. I could have been dreaming. Given the fact that the sun had not risen, that was my immediate assumption. But the silhouettes became much more real as I opened the door, confused and very
Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share Saturday Morning Message: Your Gifts to Share \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, It’s hard to write about our gifts, but there is one we all have that can help others after a loss. It is the gift of listening. Listening to others can be one of the greatest gifts we give to someone who is grieving, and it may actually help you as well. In a 2013 TAPS Magazine article, “Reaching Out to Others,” by Darcie Sims, she wrote, “I happened to be listening
Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Gifts from the Heart from our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week, survivors were asked to write about the gifts of personality that our loved ones gave us just by being themselves. I hope you enjoy all the responses that came to us. Debra, wife of Thomas sent this picture of her husband, Tom, and told us about his gift. Debra wrote, "One of the most memorable gifts that Tom always
Among the Zebras Among the Zebras Among the Zebras Judi Swenson For those planning on attending the TAPS National Suicide Seminar in October for the first time, this is for you. Please don't get cold feet. Don't be scared. There is nothing else like it. I know this is very long. Please take a few minutes to read it through. I unfortunately will have to miss this years seminar. Don't you. You will find love, support, and understanding. HUGS. I lost my son, Davey, to suicide on June 16, 2005. My family has
Saturday Morning Message: Feeling Your Loved One Close Saturday Morning Message: Feeling Your Loved One Close Saturday Morning Message: Feeling Your Loved One Close Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes odd things happen that make you take notice. The discussion for this week focuses on a time or event when something happened and you felt your loved one close. This could be something spectacular or a smaller event that almost went unnoticed. This past week, I had one of those times I almost missed. Three years ago, Hurricane Irene destroyed one of
PACT Act Signed into Law! PACT Act Signed into Law! PACT Act Signed into Law! \| TAPS Candace Wheeler The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) was proud to have staff and surviving families of toxic exposure in attendance at the White House on Wednesday, August 10, 2022, to witness President Joe Biden sign the Sergeant First Class Heath Robinson Honoring our Promise to Address Comprehensive Toxics (PACT) Act of 2022 into law. This historic bill ensures veterans of multiple generations who were exposed to bur
One Step at a Time One Step at a Time One Step at a Time Jennifer Freitas "Pole, Pole." "Slowly, slowly." It wasn't a race to the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, but rather an exercise in continually putting one foot in front of the other on the six-day ascent. Our guides, who had walked this same path hundreds of times, knew the best way for us to arrive at the summit, and reach our goal, was to go slowly, deliberately. Along with nine other intrepid explorers, I set out on the TAPS Expedition to climb Mount Kili
Made with Prayers and Good Wishes Made with Prayers and Good Wishes Made with Prayers and Good Wishes \| TAPS Elizabeth Cimini One way I've been getting through the virus craziness is to do more knitting than usual. I'm making prayer shawls for patients at a local nursing home and the hospice facility where my husband died. I've also made cloth face masks for hospice workers. Feeling useful is a big help. The idea of a prayer shawl is that the person knitting or crocheting it holds onto prayers and good wishes for the recip
Almost a Decade Almost a Decade Almost a Decade Elizabeth Rozier The 16th and 19th of next month will mark the 34th birthday and the 9th anniversary of my brother's death. It's a strange thought that he's now been gone for almost a decade. The first few years I was worried that as we got further from his death he would be forgotten, not by us but by those around us. Everyone grieves differently, I'm fairly open about my healing and talk freely about my brother. As those dates approach I will post his
Run and Remember: Marine Corps Marathon Forward Run and Remember: Marine Corps Marathon Forward Run and Remember: Marine Corps Marathon Forward Dustin Kazmar Mission Complete for TAPS! Editor’s Note: On October 26, 2008, more than 6,000 miles away from Washington DC, the site of the annual Marine Corps Marathon, hundreds of service members ran in the sands of Iraq to honor our Fallen Heroes. This is one Marine’s amazing report. Race day! I wake up at 0400 and jump in the shower to start my morning. While I am shaving I hear what sounds
Selecting a Grief Counselor Selecting a Grief Counselor Selecting a Grief Counselor \| TAPS Stephanie Frogge Finding a good mental health professional in the midst of a trauma is somewhat akin to trying to find a good plumber in the middle of the night when water is pouring out of a hole in your wall. Your intentions may be clear but summoning the necessary energy, focus, and discernment to be a wise consumer of mental health services may be just too much—especially when you’ve got your finger in the dike and know it won
Leaving the Grief Box Open Leaving the Grief Box Open Leaving the Grief Box Open \| TAPS Chris Beck Over the past 18 months, I have struggled to get to my feet and find the path forward in my life since the loss of my son, Jarrod. I know I am on a healing path, but the steps have been small and the growth slow, but steady. Men by nature, and to some extent by nurture, hide emotions and push them down — many of us were taught that emotions are a sign of weakness. When given the opportunity to attend a TAPS Men’s Retrea
From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat From Open Minds to Renewed Hope at a TAPS Men’s Retreat \| TAPS Chris Meeker Expectations In June, I had the privilege of attending the TAPS Massachusetts Men’s Retreat — my first TAPS retreat. My expectations of fitting in or finding connections among the group were honestly very low. My background — my loss — sets me apart from the typical Men’s Program retreat attendees because I am a widower. And, as a widower, my home support ba
Saturday Morning Message: Remembering Our Favorite Vacation Spots Saturday Morning Message: Remembering Our Favorite Vacation Spots Remembering Our Favorite Vacation Spots \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, I had never traveled to Washington, D.C. until my son, Bryon, was stationed there. He invited my husband and I down to see him and gave us a tour. I was fascinated. After Bryon’s passing, I learned that TAPS hosts a seminar in Washington, D.C., each year over Memorial Day Weekend, so I decided to attend. When my plane arrived, I w
Art Allows Expression When There are No Words Art Allows Expression When There are No Words Art Allows Expression When There are No Words \| TAPS Andres Ramos, Jr. The desire was latent in me for a long time even though painting has always been a passion of mine. My parents, especially my mom, pushed me in that direction as a child. I enjoyed portrait realism paintings growing up in Lorain, Ohio. My son Jose enjoyed art too. He went to Campbell University, graduating in 2008 with a degree in art. Jose grew up fascinated with abstract art
Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Saturday Morning Message: Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits Continuing Our Loved Ones' Habits \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, In my area of the country, fall is coming. This week’s question, combined with the leaves beginning to change color, made me think of a habit I still do that started with my son, Bryon, playing football in high school. Although I didn’t know much about the sport before he decided to play, I learned the names of many plays and what each player
Saturday Morning Message: Healing Through Gardening Saturday Morning Message: Healing Through Gardening Healing Through Gardening \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning The flowers in the opening picture are daylilies from my garden. The daylily is an amazing plant. It goes through the coldest winters in the northern part of our country and even a spring without much rain. Then one day you look out the window and see the beautiful flowers. They remind me of the survivors at TAPS. We go through the toughest circumstances
Baseball Was There As My Refuge Baseball Was There As My Refuge Baseball Was There As My Refuge \| TAPS Soo Kim After the death in June of Tyler Skaggs, a starting pitcher for the Los Angeles Angels, team manager Brad Ausmus talked about what it’s like to play baseball when a teammate suddenly dies. “Once the game starts, it’s actually a refuge because it takes your mind off it, distracts you for a little while,” he said. “When you go back to your hotel room, you’re reminded of reality.” He was referring to the death of a
4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death 4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death 4 Gifts My Boyfriend Left Me After His Death \| TAPS Hannah Grace I was in my first holiday season after Forrest was killed in Afghanistan when I realized that even in death he left me gifts I would forever cherish and be thankful for. Gifts don’t always come in the form of a pretty box wrapped with shiny paper and a bow; they sometimes come in ways that are invisible to the eyes. Each year during this time, I think about the gifts Forrest left m
Connecting Through Experience Connecting Through Experience Connecting Through Experience Mark Evans I came to Peer Mentoring not by education but by experience. I was involved with my church for a number of years with an organization called Stephen Ministry, a program that trains people to help others get through hard times by offering support and letting people know they are not alone in their struggles. I came to Stephen Ministry after losing my older brother by his own hand. I worked with Stephen Ministry for two yea
Saturday Morning Message: Personal Changes Saturday Morning Message: Personal Changes Saturday Morning Message: Personal Changes Carol Lane Good Morning, For many, the scenery around us is changing. This picture is of fall foliage in Utah is for Allica, daughter of Burr, who lives in Utah. I asked her to send pictures of the mountains as the trees change into their fall colors for this Saturday Morning Message topic. It is overwhelming to see the beauty of our country. After the beauty of the fall, in many areas, the cold and gra
A letter to Jeff on his 5th Angelversary A letter to Jeff on his 5th Angelversary A letter to Jeff on his 5th Angelversary Rachael Hill My Dearest Jeffrey, It has been five years since I wrote my last letter to you, and it was the one I read at your memorial service. This fifth angelversary feels like a momentous milestone, although not in a fun way like our fifth wedding anniversary was. As each year goes by, your anniversary just feels like a stinging reminder that we have gone through another year without you here. It has no
Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Helpful Strategies While Grieving Carol Lane Good Morning, Finding strategies that work while grieving can be exhausting. That is where TAPS can help. In addition to the message board, online Yahoo groups, peer mentors, and chats, there is a service from TAPS called the Community Resource Reports which are compiled and mailed to survivors about grief supports in their local areas. For more information about
Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Destination Discovery: Exploring the Unexpected Michele Hiester Marcum I am a planner. A calendar-toting, pen-in-hand, master of the daily grind. Phone apps? Electronic devices? Social networking reminders? Nope, none for me, thank you. I like the old-fashioned, whole month-at-a-glance paper variety with a small space in which to write each day’s activities. Last minute addition? No sweat. A squiggly arrow and a different color ink allow that mo
Adjusting to a New Normal Adjusting to a New Normal Adjusting to a New Normal Darcie Sims When Normal Isn't Normal Any More Today I started to take down the tree and put away the holiday decorations. Yes, I know it's March, but after the effort of creating a new holiday routine in my life, it didn't seem right to simply discard it after a few short weeks. After all, creating a new way of looking at the holidays took a great deal of energy. I tried a new decorating scheme this year (we hung all the stockings – whe
A Different Path A Different Path A Different Path Randy Beard Why is it that human beings, when faced with the unknowable, develop expectations of how it is going to be? I really had no idea what my journey of grief was going to be like, but that didn’t stop me from developing unfounded expectations. Of course not! The problem with those expectations is that they added extra stress to my already burdened soul. Not only did I experience the grief, but I also experienced the failure of not meeting my ri
Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season Three Ways to Boost Memories of Loved Ones This Holiday Season \| TAPS Allison Gilbert We know holidays can be challenging for individuals who’ve lost loved ones, but they also offer opportunities for keeping memories alive. Below are three of my favorite ways to honor and celebrate the family and friends we never want to forget. Use Social Media If you can’t be with your family for the holidays, share memories of your love
Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Peace and Purpose Kelly Griffith I love running in the evenings, especially during the fall when the sun starts to set just a little bit earlier. After a long day I relish in the opportunity to disconnect from my phone and get outside. As the colors dance across the sky in the last rays of sunlight, I feel more connected to nature, my faith and myself. This golden hour reminds me of the peace I experienced in knowing I wasn’t alone on this journey. There is this moment wh
Just Love at IslandWood Just Love at IslandWood Just Love at IslandWood Chelsea Martin When I stepped off the plane into Seattle, Washington, I had no idea what a family campout was going to entail. All I knew was that my son was excited to get his hands dirty and play outside. Once getting to IslandWood, I was blown away by the scenic view of the thick forest, the lush green grass and ferns, and the calmness I felt. There was no sound of city life, lawnmowers, or cars honking. I heard birds chirping, leaves blowin
Coping with Guilt Coping with Guilt Coping with Guilt Michele Hiester Marcum We are coming up on the ten-year anniversary of my brother's death, and I simply cannot believe it's been that long. Seriously, where did the time go? And who the heck am I now? A decade of rolling emotions have reshaped me into someone else…and I haven't yet decided whether I like her. I remember learning in my college psychology classes that there were only six basic emotions in the human population: anger, disgust, sadness, fear,
Baby, It's Cold Out Here Baby, It's Cold Out Here Baby, It's Cold Out Here Linda Ambard Baby, it's cold out there. Loneliness creeps up on a person. In unexpected traumatic death, there is no preparing for being alone. Phil died in the prime of his life. He had finally realized many of his dreams coming true and felt the need to give back. I didn't think he was in danger; he had deployed numerous times in 26 years of service and I worried more when he was living on a compound in South America fighting the drug w
A Father's Reflection from the UK A Father's Reflection from the UK A Father's Reflection from the UK Sandy Elliot Private Kevin Elliott, 3rd Battalion, The Black Watch, Royal Regiment of Scotland. That's how the Army knew my son; it's not how I knew him. My son Kevin joined the army in 2002. He served in Northern Ireland and Iraq, and finally in Afghanistan where he died on 31st August 2009. He was 24 years old. Kevin was due to leave the army in March 2009. He had passed his medical and was ready for civvy (civilian)
Memorial Day Memorial Day Memorial Day Michele Hiester Marcum And here we are almost to Memorial Day again. Heavy sigh. Sad heart. This is the 9th one we've "celebrated" since my brother left this earth, and it seems impossible that it's been that long. But I know it's right, because I just counted them out on my fingers! Before I know it, I'll need more than two hands to tick off the quickening years. So much has changed and yet nothing has changed at all. It's a perplexing paradox to be caught bet
What about the Children What about the Children What about the Children Shanette Booker Here I am about to hit my 2 year mark, and for the first time it hit me….what about the children! I can't believe how easily we can forget about them when it comes to the grieving process. During my first year, I explained to my boys that Dada had died and then I tried to prepare them for what would happen at Dada's (military) funeral. After that I think the whole child thing became out of sight, out of mind. The school offe
Reflecting on Five Years Without Reflecting on Five Years Without Reflecting on Five Years Without Marilyn Collins Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey. Someone gave a lot of thought to those words, which have become something of a mantra for me. At different times, different words have been important. Right now the “journey” is important. After five years, I realize this is a journey that I will be on for the rest of my life. I remember early on attending a meeting of Gold Star mothers. I l
Saturday Morning Message: Making Plans for the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Making Plans for the Holidays Making Plans for the Holidays \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, The opening picture is my lilac bush with its beautiful red leaves signaling the beginning of the fall season in the part of our country where I live. Survivors know that their loved ones’ birthdays and angelversaries can be difficult, so plans are often made to help cope. Some holidays can be equally emotionally painful. Today’s responses a
Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts Saturday Morning Message: Places That Touch Our Hearts \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, When contemplating going to a certain place after the loss of our loved ones, we put a great deal of thought into the decision. Although it is not possible to know what this young survivor in the photo is thinking, I thought it really fit today’s topic. The varied answers this week show how survivors handle going to places that may make them feel
Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care Saturday Morning Message: Practicing Self Care \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This man is doing one of the first things I do after I get up in the morning — have a cup of coffee and try to reflect on my plans for the day. An article from the TAPS archives titled Open Your Heart to Healing: Emotional Engagement in Your Own Life by Emily Muñoz gives a list of ways to help practice self care both physically and mentally. In addition to this articl
Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action Saturday Morning Message: Turning Grief Into Action \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, One of the things I did to turn my grief into action after the loss of my son was to become a TAPS Peer Mentor. After experiencing the warmth and care of TAPS, I wanted to give something to other survivors and this was the way that was best for me. This picture shows a recent group of mentors. You can see the smiles on their faces. That is how I felt when I
Angry with God Angry with God Angry with God Rachael Hill It is no surprise to say that there a gamut of emotions that go along with grief. Sadness, anger, longing, hurt, loneliness, and the list goes on and on. I have felt the entire rainbow of feelings, and I am not afraid to admit it. I have had my times of depression, longing for the life I used to live, spent many nights wishing for the company of my husband, and of course, I have been angry. In fact, many days I am still angry… I am angry tha
Coming Home Coming Home Coming Home Michele Hiester Marcum Somebody somewhere once said, “Home is where the heart is,” and if I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that quote over the years, I could probably take a vacation - away from home. I’m not a world-class traveler who circles the globe on a regular basis, but we do indulge in periodic family getaways. We love to visit places we’ve never been, and we enjoy planning all the details of each trip: where we eat, where we sleep, and what we see a
What Does 'Recover' Mean? What Does 'Recover' Mean? What Does 'Recover' Mean? Darcie Sims Redefining Our Expectations It’s hot and already I am beginning to pray for the return of winter. The days of summer have grown old and tired and I’m weary of hurting. Grief has followed me forever, or so it seems. When can I release the pain in search of the promise? How long must I hurt? Is grief measured in days, weeks, months, years, or lifetimes? I’m thirsty and I need a drink of hope. Grief has been a tornado, a volca
NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season with teams4taps NFL Creates Another Incredible Salute to Service Season \| TAPS TAPS Hundreds of TAPS survivors attended NFL football games and events around the country that brought families together to honor the lives of their fallen heroes. The NFL’s Salute to Service is a year-round effort to honor, empower and connect service members, veterans and their families. The program culminated in a series of games and activities throughout
Saturday Morning Message: A Sense of Accomplishment Saturday Morning Message: A Sense of Accomplishment Saturday Morning Message: A Sense of Accomplishment Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this week is from Ginny, mother of Patrick. You will read about what she is doing later in the message. Since there were so many wonderful replies this week, I will keep my comments short. One thing that gives me a sense of accomplishment each week is seeing the Saturday Morning Message come to my mailbox. Then, I know you have all received it, too.
Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Saturday Morning Message: What Do Others Do About Vactions Carol Lane Good Morning, Everyone's idea of a vacation is different. Mine involves either visiting relatives or going to the ocean beach. The place we go for our ocean retreat has changed. I haven't been back to the place we took our son and daughter when they were younger. However, this is a picture of a new place that was chosen by our daughter. We have added her husband t
TAPS Men's Program TAPS Men's Program TAPS Men's Program \| TAPS TAPS TAPS understands that most men need other men to help pave the way for them to grieve. Whether you are a surviving brother, father, battle buddy, adult child, or spouse, you have a home at TAPS. So what is it about the TAPS Men’s Program that bonds us to each other? We are men who lost loved ones who served this great country. We lean on each other to share the experience, strength, and hope that we each have inside us– no matter
Overcoming Trauma Overcoming Trauma Overcoming Trauma \| TAPS Jennifer Keeling Imagine you’re driving. The sun is shining. There’s a cool breeze and a clear blue sky. You’re determined that nothing is going to get in the way of having a good day. Then, just around a bend, you slow to a stop. A tree has fallen across the road and there is no way around. Your mind begins to race. How did this happen? What should you do? Your only choices seem to be to stay put, helpless in the face of the obstruction in your pa
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quilts and Blankets Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quilts and Blankets Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Quilts and Blankets \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Blankets and quilts are made to keep us warm and comfortable. Sometimes they are made after the death of a loved one by someone who cares for us. Others make these special coverings from their loved one’s clothes to ease the heartache. This week survivors share pictures of these special comforters. The opening picture comes from Perry, father of Christ
Saturday Morning Message: Feeling close to our loved ones across time and space Saturday Morning Message: Feeling close to our loved ones across time and space Saturday Morning Message: Feeling close to our loved ones across time and space \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Since this week two responders wrote about feeling close to their loved one through music, I thought opening with a picture showing musical notes with hearts might be a good way to connect and remind us of how music speaks to the love we feel for our loved ones. In addition to those who responded, I
Saturday Morning Message: Reward Your Bravery Saturday Morning Message: Reward Your Bravery Saturday Morning Message: Reward Your Bravery Carol Lane Good Morning, Taking care of yourself can be a hard concept for many of us. Most survivors have been raised to think that giving to others is more important than taking care of our needs. When you are grieving, it is important to take care of yourself since grief depletes both physical and mental energy. Self-care is not selfish; it is necessary to replenish ourselves so we can have the sta
My Little Buddies My Little Buddies My Little Buddies Elizabeth Rozier The last Christmas gift I remember from all three of my brothers was a Thomas Kinkade print of a cottage with a lot of bright flowers. That's back in my floral phase which is now, thankfully, past me. I still have that print; I think gifts from Jon won't ever be discarded. I am not a pack rat or a hoarder by any means, but gifts with great sentimental value are definitely in safe keeping. At first it bothered me that I didn't have anyt
The Cabin of Reconciliation The Cabin of Reconciliation The Cabin of Reconciliation \| TAPS Jon Ganues Relationships in families change all the time, but they can sometimes change dramatically after the death of a loved one. Some relationships become very close, while some drift apart. Sometimes, the changes are obvious, and other times they are not. On June 2, 2009, I received notification that one of my sons, Jon Wesley Ganues, Jr., died by suicide while serving in the U.S. Air Force. He was a security policeman stat
Saturday Morning Message: Coping with Waves of Grief Saturday Morning Message: Coping with Waves of Grief Coping with Waves of Grief \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Every person who grieves experiences times of sadness. We describe them as waves since like the ocean waters arriving on the beach, we can feel that despondency gently for a short period of time or strongly lasting much longer. Today survivors share what they find helpful when those waves come upon them. We hope you find these suggestions useful. Reme
Saturday Morning Message: Getting Through Tough Moments Saturday Morning Message: Getting Through Tough Moments Saturday Morning Message: Getting Through Tough Moments \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Last week’s question asked what others do when a grief wave takes over suddenly. This picture is the necklace I wear every day. Inside the locket is one of Bryon’s boot camp pictures. When I feel that wave coming over me, I gently touch that locket and remind myself to breathe since I tend to hold my breath when I feel that emotion. There were vari
Education Support Services Education Support Services Education Support Services Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann My dad, Sergeant First Class Jeffrey Haycock, died while training to deploy in 2002 when I was only ten years old. Education was extremely important to him; he actually made me learn all fifty states and their capitals before I started kindergarten. Pursuing a higher education was not optional; his kids would go to college. When he died, attaining his dreams for us seemed uncertain. I always knew, though, that I wo
The Calendar of Grief The Calendar of Grief The Calendar of Grief Marilyn Collins While cleaning out the top of the closet in the front hall this summer, I saw a box I didn’t recognize way back in the corner. I had just discovered the long lost television remote on top of it. Why would someone put the remote in the hall closet? Now, my memory is not what it once was, but I am pretty sure we never had the TV by the front door. I took down the box and saw that it was addressed to me, but had never been opened. Th
TAPS Survivor Newsletter April 2022 TAPS Survivor Newsletter April 2022 TAPS Survivor Newsletter April 2022 TAPS Media TAPS is America's family, and during this Month of the Military Child, we honor our youngest grievers – the children of our nation's fallen heroes. In this issue: Special Message from Bonnie Carroll Navigating the Post-Secondary Education Process Sharing your Story this Memorial Day Writing Webinar Carry the Load with Your TAPS Family this May Upcoming In-Person and Online Connections TAP
Suicide Grief Suicide Grief: Stories Behind the Story of Loss Suicide Grief: Stories Behind the Story of Loss \| TAPS Lalaine Estella When Karl Hillway was in college, he lost a roommate to suicide. He and the other surviving roommates had a difficult time processing the grief and trauma of losing someone they lived with. The school was unaccustomed to dealing with such a loss, and offered no counseling, outreach or other support to the roommates. After bouts of depression, confusion and guilt, Karl soug
Video: Using Your Voice for Change Video: Using Your Voice For Change Use Your Voice For Change Webinar \| TAPS Institute TAPS Institute For Hope & Healing Learn how the TAPS policy team is advocating for you on Capitol Hill on a variety of issues from remarriage to toxic exposure. You will also learn how to advocate for yourself and your family. How to find and contact your Members of Congress. How to share your story in a productive way to create change. Your voice matters. YOU can and will make a difference! This webinar is
A List of Ideas to Heal Your Holiday Grief A List of Ideas to Heal Your Holiday Grief A List of Ideas to Heal Your Holiday Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt Grief expert and TAPS Advisory Board member Dr. Alan Wolfelt offers a list of practical ideas that can help us heal our holiday grief. Be Compassionate with Yourself Let your holiday grief be what it is. And let yourself—your new, grieving self—be who you are. Survive If the death was very recent, you may be in survival mode this holiday season. If that’s true for you, it’s O
New Partnership Supports Military Families of Toxic Exposure Deaths New Partnership Supports Military Families of Toxic Exposure Deaths New Partnership Supports Military Families of Toxic Exposure Deaths \| TAPS TAPS To care for all of our families whose loved one died from toxic exposure, like Agent Orange, depleted uranium and open-air burn pits, TAPS is partnering with the Wounded Warrior Project and Vietnam Veterans of America. We hope to ensure survivors are recognized, cared for and aware of all benefits they are eligible to receive. Through this part
teams4taps Helps young Boy Meet NASCAR Star teams4taps Helps young Boy Meet NASCAR Star teams4taps Helps young Boy Meet NASCAR Star TAPS For TAPS survivors, our lives changed in the blink of an eye. But not everything that happens in a blur is bad--especially not when the roar of the engines circles at Charlotte Motor Speedway. In October, executives at Charlotte Motor Speedwaycreated an extraordinary opportunity for a TAPS family at the Bank of America 500 race. This was a VIP experience, they rolled out the red carpet for teams4taps
Saturday Morning Message: Healing While Remembering Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Healing While Remembering Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Healing While Remembering Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good Morning, It is winter in the part of the country where I live. For many, it is a time of contemplation about what we have accomplished in the past year and where we are going. This week, survivors have replied to the question about how we keep our loved ones close to us while we move on with our lives. One person who responded, Linda, mother
Saturday Morning Message: Marking Days of Remembrance Saturday Morning Message: Marking Days of Remembrance Saturday Morning Message: Marking Days of Remembrance Carol Lane Good Morning, There were many responses to the question about what survivors do on special days like birthdays and angelversaries. By sharing what we do, we're able to give ideas to other survivors - and that is why the Saturday Morning Message was created. Caryn, mother of Nathan and spouse of Micheal, sent this picture of the dream catcher she will add to her son's collec
Saturday Morning Message: Fondest Memories of TAPS Events Saturday Morning Message: Fondest Memories of TAPS Events Saturday Morning Message: Fondest Memories of TAPS Events Carol Lane Good Morning, Survivors from many parts of the country want to know what to expect before they go to a TAPS event. For many, it may be helpful to read a bit about what others have found when they traveled to a TAPS event. In the most recent TAPS Magazine, there is an article titled "What to Expect at a Seminar" by Dr. Carla Stumpf-Patton that describes how you will m
Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Shared with Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Shared with Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Shared with Loved Ones Carol Lane Good Morning, Survivors wrote this week about special places they shared with their loved ones. Several people talked about going to a particular location on the day such as a birthday when they celebrate the life of their loved one. Let us share ideas of what we have done or plan to do to commemorate that particular day, so the question for next week is:
Partnership Creates Healing Connections To Nature and Peers For TAPS Families Partnership Creates Healing Connections To Nature and Peers For TAPS Families Partnership Creates Healing Connections To Nature and Peers For TAPS Families \| TAPS Rachel Hunsell TAPS Outdoors hosted our first TAPS Togethers National Park Fishing Day with Atlanta area TAPS families on Saturday, June 25 at Hyde Farm Park in the Chattahoochee River National Recreation Area. This is the first of ten such events in partnership with the N
The Benefits of Walking Outside The Benefits of Walking Outside The Benefits of Walking Outside \| TAPS Tony Paz On a very cold winter day not too long ago, I was out on a wooded trail only a few minutes from home. It was overcast and gray. The water falling from the sky couldn’t quite make up its mind whether it was rain, drizzle, or simply a fine mist permeating everything. The wind decided to show up too, directing some of the moisture sideways onto my face. Yet there I was, moving along at a brisk p
3 Ways to Keep Your Loved One Close at the Holidays 3 Ways to Keep Your Loved One Close at the Holidays 3 Ways to Keep Your Loved One Close at the Holidays \| TAPS Sharon Forbes Being part of a military family, we can already relate to missing our loved ones as we celebrate Thanksgiving and the start of the holiday season. Deployments and assignments often kept them from our festive dinner tables. But, being separated from our loved ones in this new way can bring on some overwhelming feelings of time lost and a presence missed. Still, there
The Nature of Grief The Nature of Grief The Nature of Grief Zaneta Gileno One of my favorite things to see is a weed sprouting up through the cracks in a sidewalk. The idea that something so seemingly delicate could push through the concrete and find a way to grow is inspiring. And if that weed happens to be a dandelion, it can make my heart soar. The hope and promise in the fluff of a dandelion filled with wishes, that weed growing through the crack, can speak to our grief journey in many ways. Nothing compa
Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving? Happy Thanksgiving? Michele Hiester Marcum Ever notice how holiday greetings begin with “happy”? Happy Thanksgiving! Happy Holidays! Happy New Year! And whether you celebrate Hanukkah or Christmas, they, too, are paired with “Happy” and “Merry”. Even ordinary days like Friday become Happy Friday! It seems everyone is full of cheer. Back in the 80s, Bobby McFerrin had a song advising us, Don’t Worry… Be Happy, and just this last year, Pharrell Williams released a ditty d
Moving Forward Versus Moving On Moving Forward Versus Moving On Moving Forward Versus Moving On Linda Ambard I've made choices to date, move, go to school, and try to be happy. People smile and smugly nod thinking I've moved on…but what these people do not recognize are those very words of moving on are an oxymoron. Moving on implies that I am past a certain point and it somehow minimizes the journey. I have chosen to take faltering steps forward. The band aids born of time and the realization forever is a long time to s
Letters from TAPS: From Special Events and Communications Letters from TAPS: From Special Events and Communications Letters from TAPS: From Special Events and Communications Kyle Harper Dear TAPS Family, I first met Mike in the winter of 2005-2006. I had moved to Girdwood, Alaska, about an hour south of Fort Richardson and worked at Alyeska Resort—the only ski resort in the state. My rules were that I didn’t date Army guys, but Mike’s sister assured me he was a great person. He was sitting at a table with others and I liked his southern accent. We
Running with the TAPS Family Running with the TAPS Family Running with the TAPS Family Regina Vitt When a family you know loses a spouse and a father, you want to do anything you can to make life easier for them. Sometimes, it can be difficult to find ways to help. Are you going to say or do something wrong? Are you going to be more of a burden than a help? Do they really want your help at the time? Other times, being able to help just comes naturally. I didn't give it a second thought when Rachael asked family and
Hope in the Heavens Hope in the Heavens Hope in the Heavens Doug Windley It has been said that people are equals at birth and death. Birth is typically celebrated as a joyous occasion, while death is a topic some cultures avoid due to the reality of its accompanying grief. Social convention and our own sense of duty can draw our focus toward tending to the deceased, and away from giving attention our own grief and healing. Death, like birth, is completely out of our control, and yet we wish we could script our
Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The opening picture is a heart necklace that I wear everyday. Inside is my son’s boot camp picture. I chose that as my special item, because I remember how proud he was to have finished USMC boot camp and the day he presented me with a group of pictures from that event in his life. I know you will enjoy the other items shared in answer to this question. The Saturday Morning
Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week we continue to share God winks from survivors. The picture this week comes from an article, Godwinks: Special Gifts from Our Loved Ones, written by Bevin Landrum. This picture is of a light that a survivor’s husband said he was going to fix, but never got around to. After his death, his wife was carrying some of his personal belongings upstairs and all of a sudden..
TAPS Makes Access to Education Benefits Easier TAPS Makes Access to Education Benefits Easier TAPS Makes Access to Education Benefits Easier TAPS 2016 has been an incredible year for TAPS Education Services. With new staff on board we have been able to support more than 500 surviving families in accessing college education through the VA, state waivers and private scholarships. The education program took it on the road for presentations to parents and students at TAPS National and Regional Seminars and at Snowball Express. TAPS partnersh
I Never Said Goodbye I Never Said Goodbye I Never Said Goodbye \| TAPS Matt Davison We weren’t very close in the traditional sense not back-slapping buddies, nor kindred spirits. We would never have met on the street we’d have gone our separate ways oblivious to one another. We could never agree on politics, religion, morals — he was the Rock of Gibraltar I was a rolling stone. He was of another time when people still believed in the dream and fought to protect it. He held but one job, loved but one
Survivors Share about the Impact of the Women’s Empowerment Programming Survivors Share about the Impact of the Women’s Empowerment Programming Survivors Share about the Impact of the Women’s Empowerment Programming \| TAPS TAPS The TAPS Women’s Empowerment program uses both in-person and online events to bring surviving women together. When we gather in person, the effect is magical, and we cherish our time together. We also know, however, that distance doesn’t silence the heart of our sisterhood — and so we’re also just a few clicks away with online offerings th
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Favorite Foods Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Favorite Foods Sharing Favorite Foods \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, When my son came home on leave, there were two things he liked to eat. One meal was pancakes at a local pancake place and the other was pizza also from a store in our hometown; so, I chose a picture of a cheesy pizza as the opening picture this week. When friends or loved ones gather, often there is a sharing of food. That seems to make it easier for many people
Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes Family Project: Mom Teaches Kids to File Taxes \| TAPS Rachael Hill Filing taxes can be a daunting task and is one that I dread every year. I not only have to file my own taxes, but also for my two boys since my husband’s annuity comes in their names, making it a triple task. In the past, there hasn’t been anything extraordinary with their taxes and they are generally easy returns to compile. However, recent tax reforms have made significant chang
Saturday Morning Message: Hobbies that Heal Saturday Morning Message: Hobbies that Heal Saturday Morning Message: Hobbies that Heal \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, One collection I always look for when I go to a TAPS event is the TAPS family tree display. At each event where it is displayed, survivors are welcome to add their loved ones’ pictures. I spend a lot of time looking at the pictures of service members and talking to their loved ones. I am proud that my son’s picture is included with all the others. This week’s question was a
Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Part 2 Saturday Morning Message: Small Treasures Part 2 \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The archives of the Saturday Morning Message are very interesting. In response to the question about sharing special items, Kelsey, mother of Michael sent a picture of this alligator. You will read below how this item comforts her. I want to thank those who make this message special throughout the year by reading and sometimes replying to the question of the week.
Flashback Fridays: Sharing hope and love with a new generation of military children Sharing hope and love with a new generation of military children Sharing hope and love with a new generation of military children \| TAPS TAPS Each Friday, please visit our blog and join us as we take a look back at stories, people and events that have shaped who we are today. We are a family of survivors honoring our selfless heroes who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. We are grieving parents, spouses, children, siblings, grandparents, fiancées, battle buddies and loved ones. W
Saturday Morning Message: Enjoyable Activities Saturday Morning Message: Enjoyable Activities Saturday Morning Message: Enjoyable Activities \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Sharing enjoyable activities with a loved one can be the high point of our lives. When those activities are things we did with our loved ones, continuing to do them may keep these special people close to us. The picture today is one I took of a trip to Maine with the whole family when the kids were young. I still love to go to the beach. Sometimes I sit by the ocean o
Good Grief Camp Mentor Makes Her Mark Good Grief Camp Mentor Makes Her Mark Good Grief Camp Mentor Makes Her Mark Stephanie Webb I've been volunteering with TAPS for about five years, and I just keep coming back! I love all my mentees and could share memories about every one of them. One of my favorite memories involves my mentee "Kitty." I met Kitty at the TAPS Denver Good Grief Camp back in March 2015; she and I clicked almost immediately. We ran around, hula-hooped, shared secrets, created Play-Doh snakes, sang with Anna an
Saturday Morning Message: Routine or Change Saturday Morning Message: Routine or Change Saturday Morning Message: Routine or Change Carol Lane Good morning, Is it easier to stick to a routine or change the daily tasks you do after the death of a loved one? The picture today is a hydrangea bush that we planted in our garden. Gardening became a time of meditation for me. Somehow when I was working with plants, I felt I was connecting with nature and my son. Although we had a garden before the event that changed our lives, we took more t
Are You Ready to Be a Peer Mentor Are You Ready to Be a Peer Mentor Are You Ready to Be a Peer Mentor August Cabrera During my first TAPS Expedition, I watched new friends stretch, reach and jump for handholds on the rock walls as we climbed. This day, full of red sandstone cliffs near Moab, Utah, was the culmination of our four-day Colorado Plateau adventure. Earlier, as we prepared to rock climb, we learned to be successful we have to properly gear up: shoes, harness, helmet and, the most important thing, a safety line tied
Peer Mentoring: The Next Step Peer Mentoring: The Next Step Peer Mentoring: The Next Step TAPS Have you ever wondered, “Where do I go from here?” I was there four years ago, 18 months after my oldest son, Joshua, died by suicide. “What am I supposed to do with the lessons I have learned along this journey?” I really wanted to find a way to honor his life of service, but I didn’t have to look too far. I was already connecting with other survivors through TAPS. Many of them, I spoke to on a regular basis. The TAPS Peer Men
The Value of Coming Together on TAPS Retreat IslandWood The Value of Coming Together on TAPS Retreat IslandWood The Value of Coming Together on TAPS Retreat IslandWood Laurie Whitham TAPS mom's retreat on Bainbridge Island, Washington! What a wonderful experience, moms meeting moms on the beautiful nature oriented campus of Islandwood. Quiet, peaceful, and slow paced, the venue offers many opportunities for reflecting, sharing, and building friendships with others who "get it". I'm a mom of a son who died in 2004 while serving in the army
Book Shelf: Men and Their Grief: 20 Years Later Book Shelf: Men and Their Grief: 20 Years Later Book Shelf: Men and Their Grief: 20 Years Later Samuel Griffith Sitting down to watch Dr. Bob Baugher's two-DVD set about men's grief, I was apprehensive. Like many men, I suppose I didn't want to talk about or even watch other men discuss their grief. The first video of the two-part set introduced each of the eight fathers, husbands, and brothers at a point in time when they were two to ten years out from the death. When I realized none of them
Letters from TAPS: From the Run and Remember Team Letters from TAPS: From the Run and Remember Team Letters from TAPS: From the Run and Remember Team Marie Campbell Dear TAPS Family, In Texas, we have really hot summers! Despite the heat, I enjoy the many wonderful things summer has to offer: ice cream, the pool, the beach, my birthday, my parents’ anniversary, and cookouts with family, and the Fourth of July. But I didn’t always find summer so enjoyable. On June 25, 1996, my husband Sergeant Dee "Soup" Campbell was killed in the Khobar
Life: A Game of Chance Life: A Game of Chance Life: A Game of Chance Michele Hiester Marcum When I was a kid, I loved to play dice games. I loved to toss the cubes into the little cup and then shake them until the rattle annoyed everyone in the room so much that they yelled "stop" in unison. And then I'd do it again. I loved the rush that came from never knowing what I'd roll. Doubles? Full house? Snake eyes? It was all a game of chance, and I loved the excitement, and I hated losing. With every loss came a r
What Cody Taught Me What Cody Taught Me What Cody Taught Me Michael Lewis "To live in the hearts of those you leave behind is never to die." ~ Robert Orr Every day, when I get to work and flip the switch on my computer, I come face to face with the image of Private First Class Cody Grater, posing under the famous Hands of Victory crossed swords monument in Baghdad. He’s replete in full army gear, holding his rifle, finger poised on the trigger. Cody died on July 29, 2007 when his guard position was struck by a
When a Brother or Sister Dies When a Brother or Sister Dies When a Brother or Sister Dies BillieJo Alexander Looking Back, Moving Forward “There is no other loss in adult life that appears to be so neglected as the death of a brother or sister,” says bereavement specialist and psychologist, Therese Rando. Rando is one of many specialists who was interviewed in the book, When a Brother or Sister Dies: Looking Back, Moving Forward by Claire Berman. I received the book two days before I traveled to Texas for the second a
Saturday Morning Message: Move or Stay Saturday Morning Message: Move or Stay Saturday Morning Message: Move or Stay Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture today comes from Allicia, daughter of Burr, who sent it for use in the Saturday Morning Message. It seemed like a good photo to share as it shows a road and some beautiful mountains in Utah. Whether you have decided to stay in your home or move, driving down a road and looking at the scenery can be a relaxing thing to do. This week, there were many replies to the question from
Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Coping Strategies Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Coping Strategies Holiday Coping Strategies \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, This week I am sending a picture of the poinsettia I bought for the holiday season. I loved it because it combined both the red and white varieties. Since I can’t have anyone physically in the house during the pandemic, I thought I would give you a virtual peek into my home. December is always a good time for reflection and a time to gather questions for
Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves Saturday Morning Message: Treating Ourselves Treating Ourselves \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Darcie Sims was a wonderful speaker and supporter of TAPS. She saw snowflakes as a way to describe ourselves, our loved ones and each person’s grief, because there are no perfectly identical snowflakes. Each one is unique. In her article, “Snowflakes Surviving the Winter Season”, she not only wrote about understanding these differences, but one of her suggestions was to, “
Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep Saturday Morning Message: Ideas for Better Sleep \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The idea for this week’s topic came from a discussion on one of the Online Community chats. We spent some time talking about what we do when we have difficulty getting a good night’s sleep. In the summer edition of TAPS Magazine, there is an article titled "Grief and Sleep," written by Heather Stang listing more ideas. Then on August 15, which was National Relaxa
Saturday Morning Message: Changes in Our Lives Saturday Morning Message: Changes in Our Lives Saturday Morning Message: Changes in Our Lives \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week's question made me really stop and think. With the beginning of March, things in nature are changing here in Vermont. The sap is beginning to run, and those who make maple syrup are beginning to get ready. The sap is starting to go up into the trees to make the flowers so new trees will begin to replace the old. I think it is the same with my thoughts. My o
Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Saturday Morning Message: Special Places Carol Lane Good Morning, For those of us in the north, snowflakes are a big part of the winter season. When it snows, like it did last weekend, snowflakes change ordinary places with their unusual beauty. The special place I remember is the hill by our house. When my son, Bryon, was young, he loved to sled down the hill with his sister and friends, laughing all the way. It was a joy to see the children playing
How Proud You Were to Fight for Freedoms in This Land How Proud You Were to Fight for Freedoms in This Land How Proud You Were to Fight for Freedoms in This Land Linda Ambard As I ran yesterday morning, a song I often affiliated with my Phil began to waft through my head phones. “I could see it in your eyes how proud you were to fight for freedom in our land.” Phil never took for granted the freedoms afforded to him by the citizenship he received to our country a week shy of his 18th birthday. He felt civic duty to serve and to vote. While he wa
A New Year Without My Loved One In It A New Year Without My Loved One In It A New Year Without My Loved One In It Betsy Beard Once upon a time we were a happy, complete family that thrived on holiday traditions. Before Brad died, we approached the winter holidays with delight, reveling in the extra time together and enjoying the fresh sparkling snow and thoughts of the coming new year—a clean slate with no mistakes in it! New Year’s Eve parties were planned. We joyously stayed up late and allowed the kids the same latitude so
Small World, Big TAPS Family Small World, Big TAPS Family Small World, Big TAPS Family \| TAPS Jessica Kavanagh It’s funny how life happens. One minute you’re getting a phone call that your husband “didn’t make it,” and eight years later, you’re a widow wife to one of the most amazing humans. The world most certainly crashed down upon me that dreadful day — I’ll never forget it, or the moments that followed, or the spouse that once was (I know my TAPS Family can relate). I felt so lost for what felt like such a long time
TAPS Survivor Newsletter August 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter August 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter August 2024 TAPS Media Cars can be much more than a way to get from one place to another. Families make memories in cars, and these memories carry on even after the loss of our loved ones. Thanks to generous support from Ford Motor Company, several TAPS families with meaningful connections to Ford cars and trucks participated in the exciting Ford Off-Roadeo experience in central Texas. Throughout the year, and in partnership with
TAPS Survivor Newsletter May 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter May 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter May 2024 TAPS Media Surviving Father Thomas Dolphin is comforted when he hears from Marines who served with his son. His poem, featured in the spring issue of TAPS Magazine, highlights the pride he feels knowing his son's battle buddies still speak his name and share stories about him often. In this issue: They Tell Me of You May is Mental Health Awareness Month TAPS Named TIME101, in Partnership with Gillette Good Grief C
Video: 2023 TAPS Military Mentor of the Year Award Recipient Video: 2023 TAPS Military Mentor of the Year Award Recipient Video: 2023 TAPS Military Mentor of the Year Award Recipient \| TAPS TAPS Media Each year at the TAPS Honor Guard Gala, TAPS presents the Military Mentor of the Year Award to an outstanding Military Mentor committed to bringing comfort and companionship to children and teens grieving the death of a loved one who served in the U.S. military along with more than 700 TAPS Military Mentors. This year's award was presented to Chief Warr
Video: Flip the Script on Children's Grief Video: Flip the Script on Children's Grief Video: Flip the Script on Children's Grief \| TAPS TAPS Media Child Grief Awareness: One in 13 children by the time they are age 18, will experience the death of a parent or sibling. TAPS wants to flip the script on childhood grief. There is a myth in our society: out of sight, out of mind. By not engaging children in their grief, we leave them to grief alone. Engage children in your life that are grieving, check in with them, let them know you care a
Video: Five Things Kids Bereaved by Suicide Want Adults to Know Video: Five Things Kids Bereaved by Suicide Want Adults to Know Video: Five Things Kids Bereaved by Suicide Want Adults to Know Webinar \| TAPS Institute Andy McNiel Carla Stumpf Patton Knowing what to tell children and how to best support them after a suicide loss is a struggle for many parents, caregivers, and professionals. As a result, children are often provided limited information, while the adults in their lives attempt to provide encouragement and shield them from the difficult realiti
Hindsight Is 20/20 Hindsight Is 20/20 Hindsight Is 20/20 \| TAPS Gregory Jacobs In a recent conversation with a surviving father, I expressed how clear our vision is in hindsight — it’s 20/20. However, our vision looking forward at the start of our grief journey can seem blurry and near-sighted at times. My son, David, died in an auto accident on December 23, 2020, while serving in the U.S. Army at Fort Carson, Colorado. Immediately after his death, I lived in regret. Did he know I loved him deeply? Was I too s
Video: Deepening Your Connection with your Tween or Teen Video: Deepening Your Connection with your Tween or Teen Deepening Your Connection with your Tween or Teen Webinar \| TAPS Institute Jesse Tubb Parenting has been the most challenging and rewarding thing I've ever done! Our two teenagers provide no shortage of opportunities to practice the mindfulness and resiliency skills I've learned as a competitive endurance racer, a career Soldier, and a mental fitness coach. Through years of trial and error (mostly error), I learned to be less demanding
Atop a Tower of Grief, a Place to Breathe Atop a Tower of Grief, a Place to Breathe Atop a Tower of Grief, a Place to Breathe \| TAPS Sonia Rai In the last few weeks, people all over the world have watched as the life they once knew, piece by piece, was stripped away from them. People have woken up every day to a world filled more and more with shadows. People have woken up to see the ever expansive landscape of their life become limited. They’ve bit by bit had to let go of things that are outside of their control and retreat furt
Connection from the Comfort of Home Connection from the Comfort of Home Connection from the Comfort of Home \| TAPS TAPS Coffee and your favorite comfy chair. Warm – cozy – home. The warm embrace of your TAPS family is as close as your living room, your kitchen table or your front porch. Right where you are and just a click away. Over the past few months, it has been more important than ever to find safe ways to stay in touch. We find strength in knowing we are connected to those who understand our journey, our heartache, o
We’ve Always Been in This Together We’ve Always Been in This Together We’ve Always Been in This Together \| TAPS Marie Campbell I haven’t missed being in our nation’s capital and attending a TAPS National Seminar since 1998. I remember being a new young widow, walking into uncharted territory. TAPS Founder and President Bonnie Carroll was right there to welcome me with open arms. I remember being scared, not wanting to talk. I was, however, a listener. As I attended workshops and sharing groups, I listened and finally felt vali
Saturday Morning Message: Fall Plans Saturday Morning Message: Fall Plans Saturday Morning Message: Fall Plans \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Last week we shared the article “Making Summer Memories” by surviving spouse Elizabeth Culp. In the article, she wrote, “Planning provides something positive to focus thoughts and energy on.” I’m sharing here a photo of a hydrangea bush, my favorite. One of the reasons I like it is that it provides a focus in my yard and it will keep its flowers into the winter. Then in the spring, I mu
Freedom for All Freedom for All Freedom for All Bonnie Carroll On Nov. 24, 2015, I accepted the Presidential Medal of Freedom on behalf of my family. I come from a family that understands that freedom is a privilege that must be protected, and that love is the deepest blessing. My family's legacy of courage and commitment to the greater good showed me that, while it is often difficult, service elevates us to extraordinary lives. We live these same family values every day at TAPS. You understand because
Re-envisioning Our Resolutions: Grief Requires Grace Re-envisioning Our Resolutions: Grief Requires Grace Re-envisioning Our Resolutions: Grief Requires Grace Kelly Griffith This year, I’m going to run more. I’m going to be more decisive. I’m going to take more risks and find new ways to honor both my hero and myself. A fresh start can be great, can’t it? It’s a clean slate with the opportunity to make new resolutions. We vow to ourselves that we’re going to be “on it” this time. But by mid January, we may have slipped into the same habits we h
Tips for Father's Day Tips for Father's Day Tips for Father's Day Amy Dozier I remember, very fondly, the third Sunday of every June growing up. My dad made it so easy to pick out just the right gift for Father's Day. He loved the homemade card I made as a small child with scraps of colored paper and an array of pastel crayons. As I grew older, my gifts became a little more sophisticated. Things have changed, however, and I have learned that gifts for dad aren't always things you wrap up in colorful paper and bi
A Father and His Marine A Father and His Marine A Father and His Marine Bob Bagosy My name is Bob Bagosy, I've been asked to write a monthly blog for TAPS from a man's point of view if you will! I'm just a Dad not a professional writer so what I write will be from my heart. On Monday May 10, 2010 the day after Mother's Day around 1:00 PM on a clear, blue, spring afternoon on board Camp Lejeune, my son Sgt. Thomas R Bagosy USMC a career Marine age 25, married father of two children completed suicide in front of Go
Reflections of a First Time Mentor Reflections of a First Time Mentor Reflections of a First Time Mentor Robert Statchen One of the many TAPS activities offered throughout the year is the summer overnight Good Grief Camp-Out for children who have lost a parent or sibling. I was honored to have the opportunity to volunteer at one of these camps last June and would like to share my experience. In addition to the tragic death of a loved one, many TAPS children also experience a break with the military lifestyle they have kn
Saturday Morning Message: More Memories of Favorite Moments Saturday Morning Message: More Memories of Favorite Moments Saturday Morning Message: More Memories of Favorite Moments \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Two weekends ago I attended the Southeast Regional Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Jacksonville, Florida. There I met other survivors and we shared our thoughts. The picture shows some who attended talking to each other, which to me is the best part of a TAPS event. I will keep my comments short today so you can read the special mem
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Memories \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, This week I was thrilled to receive so many wonderful articles from survivors sharing a variety of scents, songs, sights or food that remind them of their loved ones. I will keep my comments short, so you can get right to reading all the selections and get to know more about these special people who served their country. Thank you to all who reply or read the Messag
The Spiritual Path to Healing, Part 1 The Spiritual Path to Healing, Part 1 The Spiritual Path to Healing, Part 1 Alan Wolfelt Editor’s Note: The death of a loved one challenges us in many areas including our religious and spiritual beliefs. While spirituality and religious tradition help many who are grieving, TAPS does not endorse any one spiritual belief or religion over another. After the death of someone loved, you are “torn apart” and have some very unique needs. Among these needs is to nurture yourself in five importa
Gold, Commonsense, and Mirth Gold, Commonsense, and Mirth Gold, Commonsense, and Mirth Michele Hiester Marcum Underwear. Yes, I said underwear. Very few holiday traditions grab your attention as quickly as the mere mention of men’s shiny gold sateen underwear. But before I can impart our newest family secret, I must bring you up to speed with how we arrived at this quirky tradition. One of my fondest childhood memories of Christmas mornings is the stocking tradition. Every year, it was a race among my sister, my
Independence Day: This One’s for You John Independence Day: "This One’s for You John" Independence Day: This One’s for You John \| TAPS Teresa Cleaver My son's favorite holiday was Independence Day. He was on his fourth deployment to a war zone when he was killed in action on November 19, 2009. Had he lived, his 12-month deployment would have ended, and he would have been in Europe on his way home on July 4th – Independence Day. Photo by Stephanie Mccabe on Unsplash As his unit was stopped in Europe on their way home, John’s best fr
The Challenge of Moving Beyond Our Sorrow The Challenge of Moving Beyond Our Sorrow The Challenge of Moving Beyond Our Sorrow \| TAPS Judy Tatelbaum A tolling weight on our shoulders after the death of a loved one is the sorrow that we must endure knowing that they can no longer be part of our futures. As we grieve, reminders of our lost hopes and dreams, ones that we wished to celebrate with our loved ones, can be excruciatingly painful. The Pain of Letting Our Hopes and Dreams Go Just three years younger than my brother David,
Little Things Mean a Lot During Stressful Times Little Things Mean a Lot During Stressful Times Little Things Mean a Lot During Stressful Times \| TAPS Kim Ruocco “Be careful what you wish for.” That phrase keeps playing over and over in my mind. I have longed for down time to rest, paint, read a book and just be with my family. It seemed like the answer to recovery from my fast-paced, travel-intensive job. I got what I asked for — but not in the way I thought it would play out. COVID-19 and the stay-at-home orders that came along with it
Observe Junk Food Day to Remember and Celebrate a Loved One Observe Junk Food Day to Remember and Celebrate a Loved One! Observe Junk Food Day to Remember and Celebrate a Loved One \| TAPS Ginny Bouchard National Junk Food Day is upon us! The day is dedicated to the unhealthy treats we try to avoid, but we love so much. My daughter, Lily, and I use food as a method to remember and celebrate our hero, Master Sgt. John Bouchard. At 8 years old, Lily can sometimes struggle with remembering her dad and the things he loved. She regularly asks, “Would Dad l
Military Mentor hosts Meetup for Prospective Volunteers Military Mentor hosts Meetup for Prospective Volunteers Military Mentor hosts Meetup for Prospective Volunteers \| TAPS TAPS John Jarecki mentors military children in TAPS Good Grief Camps because he knows firsthand how important it is to be with others in grief. He also knows what it is like when you’re working through your grief alone and on your own. John was 5 years old when his father, a captain in the Air Force, died in an F4 crash in 1981. He and his family didn’t have the financial a
Learning to Breathe Again at IslandWood Learning to Breathe Again at IslandWood Learning to Breathe Again at IslandWood Elizabeth Culp Sergent In August my boys and I attended the first annual TAPS Family Campout in western Washington state. Initially my boys were excited but I was a little hesitant. Even though we are past the one year anniversary of my husband’s death I find myself avoiding events remembering and honoring lost loved ones. We have worked diligently on healing and moving forward and living our lives. Th
Letters from TAPS: Time to Retreat Letters from TAPS: Time to Retreat Letters from TAPS: Time to Retreat Erin Jacobson Summertime is here. A time of sunshine, family vacations, and days spent in the great outdoors. For many it's the time we most look forward to in the year. However, for those of us who have lost a loved one, the stark contrast of the summer brightness with our pain can make us feel even more out of place in the world we had known. Many of us question how we can enjoy the simple pleasures of this cheerful sea
Two Brothers’ Mission: Pay It Forward Two Brothers’ Mission: Pay It Forward Two Brothers’ Mission: Pay It Forward Bobbie McHenry Our son Christopher McHenry passed away by suicide on March 4, 2013. We joined TAPS three months later and what a blessing they have been for me, Chris' dad, and his brothers Cole and Zach. Our family attended the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp for Young Survivors in Colorado last year. It was comforting to meet others who are coping with the loss of a loved one who died
Saturday Morning Message: Finding A Sense Of Accomplishment In The New Year Saturday Morning Message: Finding A Sense Of Accomplishment In The New Year Finding A Sense Of Accomplishment In The New Year \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Welcome to the first Saturday Morning Message for 2021! With the beginning of each new year, many of us begin to make plans and set goals and intentions. Although I usually don’t make resolutions, one thing I would like to do in the upcoming year is attend a TAPS seminar. I miss seeing those who are connected t
Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support Up Up and Away! Superheroes and Peer Support \| TAPS Jennifer Keeling Every superhero needs a sidekick. Batman has Robin. Iron Man has War Machine. Even Superman has Krypto...super dog. When these superheroes’ personal battles knock them off course from ‘saving the world,’ their trusted sidekicks step in to fight the battle with them, because there is always strength in numbers. So too, when life throws us off course, we need someone there to figh
What It Means To Hold Space for Someone What It Means To Hold Space for Someone What It Means To Hold Space for Someone \| TAPS Heather Plett The Transformative Effect Of ‘Being There’ For Others Editor's Note: This article was orginally published on Heather's website on March 15, 2015. When my Mom was dying, my siblings and I gathered to be with her in her final days. None of us knew anything about supporting someone in their transition out of this life into the next, but we were pretty sure we wanted to keep her at home. S
Faith-Focused Programming May Help Suicide Survivors Faith-Focused Programming May Help Suicide Survivors Faith-Focused Programming May Help Suicide Survivors \| TAPS Shauna Springer Melinda Moore Editor's note: Shauna Springer and Melinda Moore serve on the National Action Alliance for Suicide Prevention's Faith Communities Task Force, which provides resources on the topic of suicide loss. Dr. Moore is co-lead of the task force. As part of Suicide Prevention Month, the Action Alliance invites faith communities across the nation to pray during th