Search Page

Search Result

Saturday Morning Message: BBQ, Apple Pie and other Foods that Remind Us of Love Saturday Morning Message: BBQ, Apple Pie and other Foods that Remind Us of Love BBQ, Apple Pie and other Foods that Remind Us of Love \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sharing food that our loved ones liked is the topic for today’s Saturday Morning Message, because today is Culinarians’ Day. The opening picture comes from an article in the TAPS archives titled "Love in the Kitchen" written by Rita, mother of James Shawn. She writes that she and her son liked to cook
Saturday Morning Message: Celebrating Our Great Country Saturday Morning Message: Celebrating Our Great Country Celebrating Our Great Country \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Today we are celebrating July 4th by virtually traveling. The opening picture is the front of one of the hotels that housed the TAPS 24th National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp in Arlington, Virginia. In addition to the beautiful flag and flowers, the link shows pictures of the activities that happened at that seminar. We hope you will enjoy
Run to support the TAPS mission Run to support the TAPS mission Run to support the TAPS mission \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Whether you’re a seasoned runner or aspire to run your first 10K race in the fall, now is the time to start planning your training regimen and getting into the runner’s mindset. As spring gets under way, it’s a good time to shift our focus to getting outside to start running and walking more. At TAPS, we’re excited for the fall race season as we continue to make every mile memory in honor of our loved ones
5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 5 Things Professionals Learned After 9/11 Heidi Horsley Since Sept. 11, 2001, we have come a long way, and I have watched as bereaved families have once again found hope. I was honored to spend 10 years with 9/11 firefighter families, taking the grief journey with them, when I worked with the FDNY/Columbia University Family Guidance Program. The research study looked at traumatic loss over time in families who had lost a firefighter in the World Trad
Memorial Day vs. Veterans Day Memorial Day vs. Veterans Day Memorial Day vs. Veterans Day \| TAPS Rachael Hill Before my husband died, Memorial Day was just another 3 day weekend that we got to celebrate his birthday (May 29th) with a fun adventure. I never really thought about the importance of it and just enjoyed our time together. Since his death however, Memorial Day has taken on a whole new meaning. I am proud to be an Air Force veteran and am proud of the service I gave to our country. I am the first to stand wit
Knowing the Pain Is Not Like Understanding the Pain Knowing the Pain Is Not Like Understanding the Pain Knowing the Pain Is Not Like Understanding the Pain Shanette Booker I have heard it from friends, family members, and other widows who have also heard it: “I know what you are going through and I understand your pain.” I know we all have heard it and if not, then we have heard it this way: “I don’t know what you are going through but I understand your pain.” I find myself always thinking: “you don’t know and you will never understand…and
TAPS Retreats TAPS Retreats Loss Survivors Facing Sudden Loss TAPS A place to relax and heal “I love going to the sibling retreat. I like sharing stories with other siblings; I can connect with them. It helps me deal with my grief and it makes my life easier, to talk about my feelings.” “I cannot tell you how much the widow retreat helped me. I was not sure of what to expect, but left with more than I could ever want. To meet other women like me, to talk with them and hear their stories, might have b
Godwinks: We Know Godwinks: We Know Godwinks: We Know \| TAPS Scott Pleasants We Know Is it just a coincidence when I hear your name seven times this week three on the bus four times on the train In the morning dew as moisture touches the pane The early rain writes a few letters at a glance it’s spelling your name Still taking those long walks and afternoon rides Same path along that sidewalk Same route in the street Same conversations Same vibe often hearing you speak When I opened the ne
TAPS Honored as 2017 Top-Rated Nonprofit TAPS Honored as 2017 Top-Rated Nonprofit TAPS Honored as 2017 Top-Rated Nonprofit TAPS TAPS is pleased to announce that it has been honored with a prestigious 2017 Top-Rated Award by GreatNonprofits, the leading provider of user reviews about nonprofit organizations. “We are excited to be named a Top-Rated 2017 Nonproft,” says Bonnie Carroll, TAPS President and Founder. “We are humbled that so many of our survivors and volunteers took time to tell others how the TAPS mission has impacted
Twenty-Five Years of TAPS Twenty-Five Years of TAPS: A Testament to Love Twenty-Five Years of TAPS: A Testament to Love TAPS TAPS is a love story It's inspiration was love. It continues to be a testament to love. Love given, love received, love shared. It grows and strengthens — spreading its light to the darkest of places. In November 1992, eight soldiers perished in a C-12 crash in Alaska, including Brig. Gen. Thomas C. Carroll, commander of the state’s Army National Guard Gen. Carroll’s widow, Bonnie
Boxes in the Attic Boxes in the Attic Boxes in the Attic Betsy Beard Sorting, keeping, giving, and storing our loved ones’ personal effects Many of us have been faced with multiple shipments of personal effects from various corners of the world. Others of us are denied any access to the items that might help us feel more connected to our loved ones. Wherever we find ourselves on the scale of ownership of personal effects, the pain is immeasurable and long-lasting. I turned my head slightly as I drove, che
Leaving a Mark on History Leaving a Mark on History Leaving a Mark on History \| TAPS Matt Davison In serving incarcerated veterans, I formed bonds with warriors who took part in wars spanning Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf War. One vet, who is incarcerated at the Federal Correctional Institution at Terminal Island, California, precedes all these wars and has become a valued friend over the past five years. Because of confidentiality issues, I will not give his complete name, but will refer to him simply as Rene. This is
From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey From Grief to Giving Back: A TAPS Helpline Associate Shares Her Journey \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg Vanessa Hanna-Verrett There are moments in life when exactly what you need meets you where you are. Some people credit this to a higher power, some give a nod to lucky stars, and others call it chance. Vanessa Hanna-Verrett, a TAPS Helpline associate, doesn’t believe anything happens by chance. Vanessa wasn’t always an associa
Klinger’s Korner: Kids, Grief, and the Holidays Klinger’s Korner: Kids, Grief, and the Holidays Klinger’s Korner: Kids, Grief, and the Holidays \| TAPS Andy McNiel The holiday season is a magical time for children of all ages. It is during this time of year that children and teenagers have an extended break from school. They can be with friends and family in settings and doing activities that they may not be able to do other times of the year. At the same time, when children and teenagers are grieving, the holidays can be challenging as the
Spotlight on Service: Casey Callanan Spotlight on Service: Casey Callanan Spotlight on Service: Casey Callanan TAPS It was a week after the conclusion of the 18th Annual TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp when we received an email that read, “My name is Casey Callanan, and I live in Arlington, Virginia. I applied to be a volunteer earlier this week and completed the training online. I was hoping I could get some information on what the next step in the process might be, so I can be involved in some of
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good Morning, This is a time many come together with friends and family to share holiday recipes and memories. For many survivors, it can also be a time of sadness. Contemplating what you might do to pay tribute to your loved one might can ease those feelings. Honoring your loved one can be on a traditional holiday or one that is special just to your family and friends. This week s
A Change of Season A Change of Season A Change of Season Darcie Sims Learning to Keep our Loved Ones’ Memories Alive in Every Season It’s harvest time, clean up time, gathering time. It’s time to put away the beach balls and the lawn mower. It’s time to shake the sand from the shoes and store away the croquet set and find the storm windows. It’s time to “put up” the garden’s bounty and find someone who doesn’t have enough zucchini. It’s time to find the mittens and try on the sweaters and coats. It’s time to g
Is Suicide a Choice? Is Suicide a Choice? Military Widow Kim Ruocco on Spousal Suicide - TAPS News Kim Ruocco The National Veterans Crisis Line (800-273-8255) is available 24/7 to TAPS survivors. It is confidential and can connect you with local resources. The TAPS helpline (800-959-8277) is available for peer-based grief support. There are so many questions following a death by suicide. How could this happen? Why did this happen? Why didn’t I see it? Why didn’t I do something? Why didn’t the military do more?
Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Holidays Saturday Morning Message: Handling the Holidays Carol Lane Good Morning, The flickering light of candles in a darkened room always has a calming effect on me. I appreciate the soothing nature of their gentle glow during the shorter days of the holiday season. Listening to peaceful music can also be helpful. This week’s song sent in by Merry, mother of Wesley, will be perfect for those times when my mind is jumping from one thing to another, whi
Saturday Morning Message: An Ornament For Your Loved One Saturday Morning Message: An Ornament For Your Loved One Saturday Morning Message: An Ornament For Your Loved One \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, This week survivors sent answers to the question about making an ornament for their loved one. In addition to the unique responses, Samantha, fiance of Preston, sent this picture of her Christmas tree that I thought would make a great lead picture for this week’s message. Samantha wrote, “Christmas was my favorite holiday and I went all ou
Winter Wallowing Winter Wallowing Winter Wallowing Darcie Sims Though winter seems to have more than its share of less than wondrous days, occasionally we have an especially down day. Some days aren't too bad. They start out kind of slowly, like a reluctant first grader, but gather momentum as the hours flow by. Some days get a jump-start on me. By the time I hit the shower, I'm functioning without feeling, so much like those early foggy days of grief. Those are the days when hot cocoa and a bowl of st
Volunteer Spotlight: Surviving Military Parents Advocate for Fellow Survivors Volunteer Spotlight: Surviving Military Parents Advocate for Fellow Survivors Surviving Military Parents Advocate for Fellow Survivors \| TAPS TAPS For three and a half years, the Chicagoland community has had Andy and Julianne Weiss holding the tender hands of those in grief. Together, they facilitate the Chicago-area TAPS Care Group, a monthly support group for those who know the loss of someone who has served in the military. The couple are Peer Mentors and have trained in ASIST, Applied
Children’s Books for the Summer Children’s Books for the Summer Children’s Books for the Summer Cheryl Kreutter By and large, the books reviewed here describe how empathy (an emotion) prompts compassion (an action). Each will appeal in different ways to different readers at different times. Characters are identifiable and real, and illustrations appropriately support the story, theme or concept. Most importantly, these are books that invite readers to discuss their own thoughts and feelings about loss as well as consider wa
So You Think You’re Going Crazy? So You Think You’re Going Crazy? So You Think You’re Going Crazy? Darcie Sims I first began to think about going crazy shortly after our son died. It seemed innocent enough in the beginning. Just an occasional sound that came from his bedroom or a whiff of his scent that would catch me by surprise. I didn’t think much of it. In fact, I rather enjoyed those little reminders of him. But after sharing my first encounter with him with a neighbor, I knew the rest of the world would think me daft.
Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story Make the Most of Time at Home: Share Your Loved One’s Story \| TAPS Kerry Ward As we navigate these uncertain times, I have found that there is a silver lining with spending more time in the house: it has forced me to focus on projects I hadn’t yet had time to tackle. As I cleaned out my hall closet, I found myself face-to-face with memories I hadn’t thought about in years. I called an old friend and told her about a specific photo th
Finding My Whole Self in the Brokenness Finding My Whole Self in the Brokenness Rebuilding Mosul: Continuing our Fallen Heroes' Legacy of Service \| TAPS Erin Jacobson mosul, fallen heroes Finding My Whole Self in the Brokenness 2017 TAPS In Mosel Author - Jacobson In my own life and in the lives of the families that I have met through TAPS, I see a similar thing. I see new beauty rebuilt out of ruins.
Audio: Reading of Klinger Reading of Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hope Reading of Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hope 850 AM News Radio On-air radio personality Mike Rosen reads "Klinger: A Story of Honor and Hope" for his listeners and shares the mission of TAPS to help the families of our fallen troops. This award-winning children's book was published by TAPS. Listen to Audio Your browser does not support the audio element. Order the Book Suicide, Military, Lipstein Reading of Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hop
Book Shelf: Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons Book Shelf: Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons Book Shelf: Surviving the Holidays Without You: Navigating Grief During Special Seasons Kelly Griffith After my brother died in December 2011, I didn’t know what to do when I woke up on Christmas morning. His death was still real. I didn’t want to have Christmas without him. So, I didn’t. The second Christmas without Sam physically here, I wanted to find a way to honor his life and still feel him near me.
Finding Hope Finding Hope Finding Hope \| TAPS Audri Beugelsdijk Rolling into a new year tends to stir a heart to contemplate new beginnings. We consider all the history of our past and ponder what lay ahead. The last couple years have certainly been a difficult challenge for us all and we look forward to better times. Before we move on too quickly, it's important to consider one lesson isolation has taught us - we need each other. The TAPS family has always said “we are stronger together” and it is true.
Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog Surviving family creates bucket list for sick dog \| TAPS Lalaine Estella Earl has become an online global sensation! This week, he reached the kind of fame that can only be described as viral when he was the star of a heartwarming video that’s been viewed more than 4 million times. His story has been featured in newscasts coast to coast and it’s fair to say America has fallen in love with Earl. Behind the cute pup’s rise from sickl
Saturday Morning Message: The Care of Our Loved Ones' Belongings Saturday Morning Message: The Care of Our Loved Ones' Belongings Saturday Morning Message: The Care of Our Loved Ones' Carol Lane Good Morning, Mother's Day is tomorrow, and it can be difficult for many. If support is needed, keep the TAPS Survivor Helpline number, 800-959-TAPS (8277), handy. This week Caryn, mother of Nathan, sent a song that brings her some relief. You will find it in the Song for the Week section of this message. Last week's question was about how we care for our lov
Saturday Morning Message: Changing Anger to Pride Saturday Morning Message: Changing Anger to Pride Saturday Morning Message: Changing Anger to Pride Carol Lane Good Morning, Last week's question asked how to turn the anger that comes with grief into more of a focus on the pride for our loved one's service. This is a tricky question as it asks us to focus on ourselves, and that is something many of us are not taught to do. First, we must find strategies to help reduce the anger. This is where looking in the TAPS Magazine archives can be hel
Talking to Children About Suicide Talking to Children About Suicide Talking to Children About Suicide Kim Ruocco One of the most challenging issues following a death by suicide is what and how to tell children. Widespread inaccurate information compounds this already challenging issue for those caring for grieving children. When a loved one dies by suicide, it could take some time to trust your instincts and follow your heart again, so credible information and trustworthy guidance is critical. Children are egocentric, me
Forest Bathing: Why Soaking In Nature Can Improve Your Health Forest Bathing: Why Soaking In Nature Can Improve Your Health Forest Bathing: Why Soaking In Nature Can Improve Your Health \| TAPS Emily Munoz Forest bathing. Yes. You read that right. Forest bathing. For an easy, self-paced mindfulness exercise, we invite you to try forest bathing. I first heard about this Japanese mindfulness practice from my mother, Anna. She was attending one of our TAPS Inner Warrior Wellness Weekends when we posed a question to the group: How do you find quiet time? W
Run and Remember: A Win-Win Outcome Run and Remember: A Win-Win Outcome Run and Remember: A Win-Win Outcome Betsy Beard When I first came to TAPS in 2004, I just assumed that somehow the military or the government was paying for the services and resources that were made available to me at the time: the national toll free helpline, the Peer Support Network, a free lifetime subscription to TAPS Magazine, the interactive TAPS website, the online chats, and the national seminar with all its speakers and materials and bus transporta
The New Christmas The New Christmas The New Christmas Rachael Hill The other day I was asked if this time of year is hard for me. I felt a little guilty saying it, but in general it really isn’t. I still enjoy this time of year and cherish the Christmas activities and traditions that I do with my boys. Now don’t get me wrong, I desperately miss my husband and at Christmas time especially, but instead of letting myself drown in despair because he is not here I choose to continue to keep our traditions alive a
Grief Returns When the Nest Empties Grief Returns When the Nest Empties Grief Returns When the Nest Empties \| TAPS Sarah Greene Over the years, you have worked hard to raise your survivor kids to the best of your ability. Their grieving hearts need extra care and you have frequently put your own grief to the side while doing the job of both parents. You have been so busy with the demands of life and kids that you barely noticed what you needed along the way. In the mix of coping with loss, raising kids, running the househol
Saturday Morning Message: Grief Meltdowns Saturday Morning Message: Grief Meltdowns Saturday Morning Message: Grief Meltdowns Carol Lane Good Morning, Grief episodes or meltdowns are times that are hard to control. Sometimes they arrive when you are at places or at times when you don't expect them. Sarah, spouse of David wrote: "I was walking my dog this morning and thinking about a recent grief episode I had. It was at my son's college vet affairs office of all places! It got me to thinking about the many places where these bouts o
Military Survivor Helps Fellow Ex-Spouses Navigate Unique Grief Military Survivor Helps Fellow Ex-Spouses Navigate Unique Grief Military Survivor Helps Fellow Ex-Spouses Navigate Unique Grief \| TAPS TAPS If there’s one thing Tracye Hernandez-Bynum has learned in the past 11 years, it’s that no one’s grief is irrelevant. Tracye’s ex-husband, Army Staff Sgt. Robert Hernandez, was killed in action in 2006. Tracye and Robert have a son together, who was 11 when his father died. The grief Tracye felt over the loss of her ex-husband was palpable, but others ar
Grieving in the Closet Grieving in the Closet Grieving in the Closet \| TAPS Chandler Keeling When I lost my dad to suicide in 2009, I was in the 8th grade and just beginning to discover myself. My dad went on two tours to Iraq and I spent those awkward adolescent years relentlessly bullied for being “different” and too feminine for a boy. My memories from that time are a slide show of moments trying desperately to fit in while simultaneously missing my dad, the one who would load my iPod with any music I wanted wit
Giving Back and Paying it Forward Giving Back and Paying it Forward Giving Back and Paying it Forward \| TAPS TAPS TAPS relies on the generosity of its supporters to fund the critical resources, programs, and services vital to the healing of those who have lost a military loved one. The TAPS mission is a 24/7 effort, and the TAPS Development Team strives to accomplish two goals: (1) share the TAPS mission of hope and healing, and (2) raise funds necessary to support our military survivors. The COVID-19 pandemic struck in 202
Carry the Load in Honor of our Nation's Fallen Heroes Carry the Load in Honor of our Nation's Fallen Heroes Carry the Load in Honor of our Nation's Fallen Heroes \| TAPS TAPS “It has been an honor to walk with so many gold star families this year on our national relay. To carry their loved ones and share their stories is what makes partnering with TAPS so impactful. We magnify our missions.” ~ Debbie Wright, Executive Director of Carry The Load Phoenix, Arizona Carry The Load’s mission to restore the true meaning of Memorial Day wa
5 Things to Pack for the Grief Journey 5 Things to Pack for the Grief Journey 5 Things to Pack for the Grief Journey Erin Jacobson Whenever we travel to a new location, there are elements of both uncertainty and promise. We try to pack our bags in anticipation of planned activities, weather and terrain. The grief journey takes us to unknown places, and while we don't know all that we will encounter, we can be mindful to pack some things to help us on the journey ahead. Self-care: We pack our toiletries to help us take care of
Movie Review: "Thank You For Your Service" May Be Triggering and Emotional for Military Survivors Movie Review: "Thank You For Your Service" May Be Triggering and Emotional for Military Survivors "Thank You For Your Service" May Be Triggering and Emotional for Military Survivors TAPS TAPS appreciates those who seek to tell the story of military families, from the impact of combat service for the veteran to the broader impact on families bereaved by a military death. We strive to incorporate a trauma-informed approach to care for our military families who have suffered a loss. Recent
Carry the Load Carry the Load Carry the Load Marie Campbell Reminding Americans About the Real Meaning of Memorial Day As a survivor, it was an honor to participate in the Carry the Load national relay as it went through Washington, D.C. as we made our journey from the Lincoln Memorial into Arlington National Cemetery honoring America's fallen heroes. I was in the company of other military surviving families, battle buddies, and a few wonderful supporters of TAPS. Participants carried items of special mea
27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life 27 Memories for 27 Years That Linger Bringing Joy to my Life Linda Ambard Eloping to Reno, NV on November 27, 1988, three days after Thanksgiving. Phil was upset Thanksgiving because of how my father was treating me (I was the first person EVER to get divorced in our family—total ostracization.) Phil didn’t care how people treated him, but it bothered him if people messed with me. As we drove back to Mountain Home Air Force Base
Finding My Winter Wellness Finding My Winter Wellness Finding My Winter Wellness \| TAPS Rayanne Hunter I love that feeling of fall shifting into winter! Cool mornings, crisp days, winter hats, scarves, and soon, snowboarding. The world is growing quiet and shimmering all over. Inviting us to move inward — to find that which makes us warm and cozy. Being from Colorado, the beautiful frost and snow encompassing everything is something that I enjoy. I know there also comes a shadowy side to the winter season, especially
Saturday Morning Message: Memories Saturday Morning Message: Memories Saturday Morning Message: Memories Carol Lane Good Morning, This week's message is laid out a bit differently. Since the picture this week is a picture Sue, mother of Marcus, sent in response to last week's question about sharing a memory of our loved ones, I thought it would be good to include her memory in the first part of the message. Here is her memory: "Oct. 25, 2007, started out like a normal Christmas day for our family. WHAT? Christmas in Oct
Gifts of Grief: Tools to Help You Through Gifts of Grief: Tools to Help You Through Gifts of Grief: Tools to Help You Through \| TAPS James Gordon Grief is part of being human. Sooner or later, it makes its appearance in our lives, no matter how unwanted it is. Attending the National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar, I was struck even more by how important it is for us to honor the process of grief. We have to see it as a part of life and let it take its course. There are no shortcuts; there’s no getting around it. But, there are gi
Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays Saturday Morning Message: Honoring Birthdays \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Awhile back there was a discussion with a TAPS group about celebrating our loved one’s birthday and I thought it would be a good question for this weekly message. The responses this week came from those who answered that question. The quote at the beginning really speaks to our feelings about keeping our loved one’s memory alive. Sometimes after reading the Saturday Mo
Normal Isn’t Normal Anymore Normal Isn’t Normal Anymore Normal Isn’t Normal Anymore Betsy Beard I used to believe, along with author Patsy Clairmont who wrote a humorous book of the same title, that Normal Is Just a Setting on Your Dryer. But it seems like so much more to me, now. When our son died, "normal" flew out the window and hasn't returned. And because of its departure, leaving confusion, chaos, and disarray in its wake, the concept of normal seems far more important now than just a setting on the dryer. And not
Colorado Celebrity Classic to Benefit TAPS – a model for getting ‘er done! Colorado Celebrity Classic – a model for getting ‘er done! Colorado Celebrity Classic – a model for getting ‘er done! Christine Burtt Sgt. Nick Pansini served five tours as a U.S. Marine, two in Iraq. His sisters Angel and Shannon and dad Joe Pansini told the story of his suicide in 2010 at the Saluting our Fallen Heroes Dinner Concert, and the reason for TAPS became crystal clear: We care! Now it its 11th year, the Colorado Celebrity Classic to benefit TAPS has become a model for hosting
Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Resource Center: TAPS National Military Survivor Helpline and Website Live Chat Kyle Balduf We all remember that day—the day the world stopped for us. We remember the knock on the door, the phone call, the person on the other end fumbling for the words to explain that life had changed forever. After the initial waves of shock rolled over us, we began to thaw, so to speak, and became acquainted with the nature of g
Mother and Son, A Life and Legacy Together Mother and Son, A Life and Legacy Together Mother and Son, A Life and Legacy Together Lisa Hudson Reflections of a 26 year journey In October 1983, Navy Lieutenant John Hudson was packing to return from a deployment to Beirut, Lebanon, where he was serving as a medical officer and surgeon to 1,800 Marines. Waiting at home was Lisa, his wife of three years, and their 8-month-old son Will. Lisa adored John and felt she was living in a fairy tale. John, a graduate of the Medical College of
PGA Tour Superstore Brings TAPS Families Together PGA Tour Superstore Brings TAPS Families Together PGA Tour Superstore Brings TAPS Families Together \| TAPS TAPS Survivors Share Past and Present Memories at Special Golf Experiences In honor of Military Appreciation Month, teams4taps and the PGA TOUR Superstore joined forces to create events for survivors to honor their military loved ones through their favorite sport— golf! Survivors attended a wide range of events all across the country, where they attended PGA tournaments, got fit for new
Stronger than she thought she could be: A widow looks back Stronger than she thought she could be: A widow looks back Stronger than she thought she could be: A widow looks back \| TAPS TAPS Each Friday, please visit our blog and join us as we take a look back at stories, people and events that have shaped who we are today. We are a family of survivors honoring our selfless heroes who paid the ultimate sacrifice for our freedom. We are grieving parents, spouses, children, siblings, grandparents, fiancées, battle buddies and loved ones. We are hope. We
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Proud Memories Of Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Proud Memories Of Our Loved Ones Sharing Proud Memories Of Our Loved Ones \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Sharing memories of our loved ones with others helps us heal. In this week’s message, survivors have shared occasions that bring pride into their lives when they think of their loved ones. Each event helps us create a mental picture of that special person. If you would like to send a note commenting on one or all of the respo
Spotlight on Service: Mardee McDaniel Spotlight on Service: Mardee McDaniel Spotlight on Service: Mardee McDaniel TAPS What motivates someone to volunteer for TAPS year after year? The reasons are different for each individual, but often it all comes back to the people we serve. It’s the number one reason for many of our volunteers. One such volunteer, who has been coming back for 14 years, is Mardee McDaniel: California native, ex-software programmer, and mother of two sons, 18-year-old Matt and 15-year-old Ryan. Mardee first
Klinger's Korner: A Season for Presence Klinger's Korner: A Season for Presence Klinger's Korner: A Season for Presence \| TAPS Andy McNiel The holiday season brings families and friends together, creating opportunities to make and share special memories and create or carry on traditions. But, in the midst of intense grief, the holidays can feel like a burden rather than a blessed time with family and friends. When children are in the home, you may feel the need to maintain positive, festive energy so they can still enjoy this speci
Photos: Colorado Celebrity Classic Colorado Celebrity Classic Colorado Celebrity Classic TAPS Media TAPS Fundraiser, Golf, Songwriters Show Colorado Celebrity Classic Photos Event Photos and Story of 2021 Colorado Celebrity Classic by Pam Cress
Photos: Colorado Celebrity Classic Colorado Celebrity Classic Colorado Celebrity Classic TAPS Media TAPS Fundraiser, Golf, Songwriters Show Colorado Celebrity Classic Photos Event Photos and Story of 2018 Colorado Celebrity Classic by Lisa Perry
Video: A Man For Others: The Erik Kristensen Story Video: A Man For Others: The Erik Kristensen Story A Man For Others: The Erik Kristensen Story CBS Sports A SEAL in Birkenstocks teams4taps and CBS Sports paid tribute to United States Naval Academy graduate and fallen U.S. Navy SEAL, LCDR Erik S. Kristensen (Class of '96), and honored his parents at the October 7, 2017 Navy vs. Air Force game. LCDR Erik S. Kristensen, teams4taps, honor the fallen A Man For Others: The Erik Kristensen Story Video Container Main Content 2 teams4taps and CBS
Video: Duty, Honor, Country: The Chase Prasnicki Story Video: Duty, Honor, Country: The Chase Prasnicki Story Duty, Honor, Country: The Chase Prasnicki Story CBS Sports Chase the legacy! CBS Sports helped teams4taps honor the life and legacy of Army Black Knights quarterback and fallen U.S. Army Ranger, 1LT Chase Prasnicki (Class of '10), at the September 9, 2017 Army vs. University of Buffalo game. 1LT Chase Prasnicki, teams4taps, honor the fallen Duty, Honor, Country: The Chase Prasnicki Story Video Container Prasnicki Main Content 2nd Half
Klinger: A Story of Honor and Hope Klinger: A Story of Honor and Hope Klinger: A Story of Honor and Hope - TAPS Publication Betsy Beard This beautifully illustrated, full color, hardback children's book tells the story of a young horse dreaming of fame as a racehorse. But his life is disrupted when he must leave his parents and start a new life. Faced with difficulty and disappointment, Klinger’s dream of significance seems unattainable. He then discovers that fame is not necessary, as he finds fulfillment in honor
Facing It All: A Winding Road Toward Healing Facing It All: A Winding Road Toward Healing Facing It All: A Winding Road Toward Healing \| TAPS April Bowden Kristi Stolzenberg “I’m an open book,” Gold Star Spouse April Bowden shares during our introductory phone call. “Truth opens the doors to healing.” April speaks about her life, her loss, and her purpose with a realness, a rawness that both takes you by surprise and is incredibly relatable once her contagious sense of self-awareness forces us to take a look at ourselves and confront t
New Relationships and Dating After Loss New Relationships and Dating After Loss New Relationships and Dating After Loss Amanda McPherson If you are reading this, you may have been fortunate to have found that special someone, only to have them taken from you too soon. I will not claim to understand your pain. You will forever be shaped by the experiences you shared with your lost loved one as well as your journey of healing. As I'm sure I don't need to tell you, there isn't one authority for handling grief or a how-to guide for hea
Spotlight on Service: Daniel Davenport Spotlight on Service: Daniel Davenport Spotlight on Service: Daniel Davenport Paige Williams Life Beyond the Seminar: Through the Lens of a Good Grief Camp Mentor Daniel Davenport woke up one morning in April and sent a text message; a simple enough task, one that many of us do so often we think nothing of it. But for one TAPS family, this text message was so much more. Because on the anniversary of her father’s death, a child knew she was in the thoughts and prayers of her mentor. And that
Klinger’s Korner: Understanding Your Child’s Unique Way of Being in the World Klinger’s Korner: Understanding Your Child’s Unique Way of Being in the World Klinger’s Korner: Understanding Your Child’s Unique Way of Being in the World \| TAPS Andy McNiel How can three children grow up in the same household and be so entirely different? Many factors play a role in shaping who a child is, how they develop, and the person they become. Some of these factors include their genetics (the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree), their birth order, household circumstances duri
Bocce, Good Food, and Bright Futures Bocce, Good Food, and Bright Futures Bocce, Good Food, and Bright Futures \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg What could bocce and the Culinary Institute of America possibly have in common with TAPS? As it turns out, a couple of things: the Michael C. Cerullo Memorial Veteran Scholarship, which is awarded to a deserving TAPS survivor on the road to culinary greatness, and the annual bocce tournament that funds it, hosted by Michael’s surviving son, Paul. Summer 2023 Michael’s son,
National Suicide Prevention Month: TAPS Support and Resources National Suicide Prevention Month: TAPS Support and Resources National Suicide Prevention Month: Support and Resources \| TAPS Carla Stumpf Patton Each September we recognize Suicide Prevention Month, and while every day of the year is an opportunity for awareness, this time of the year specifically we emphasize education and sharing life-saving resources on all issues related to suicide—also referred to as prevention, intervention, and postvention. For those who are suicide loss survivors
Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved Ones in Book Titles Saturday Morning Message: Our Loved Ones in Book Titles Our Loved Ones in Book Titles \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning This topic introduces our loved ones in a unique way. Thinking of a book title and then writing a little bit about why that title was chosen gives the readers an idea of the lives these special people lived. Each paragraph gives us a window to view those who will always be so close to our fellow survivors. As you read through the responses, you
Bonds of Friendship Nurture Healing Bonds of Friendship Nurture Healing Bonds of Friendship Nurture Healing Jonathan Kirkendall After months of preparation, phone calls and staff meetings, staff and volunteers flew in from every corner of the country for the final push to make ready for the 22nd Annual National Good Grief Camp. In one day, we were operational and ready to welcome the almost 1000 children, mentors and volunteers showing up for the Good Grief Camp in Arlington, Virginia. However, before the campers arrived, ou
Grief 101: Advice to New TAPS Survivors Grief 101: Advice to New TAPS Survivors Grief 101: Advice to New TAPS Survivors TAPS The Saturday Message is a letter that comes through email to TAPS parents, spouses, siblings, and friends. It includes thoughts from the survivors themselves. When one asks a question, the others are free to respond. Asked recently what advice they would give to a newly bereaved person, TAPS survivors responded with powerful and diverse answers. DEB BONN Surviving mother of Ensign Elizabeth Bonn This will
Uncharted Territory Uncharted Territory Uncharted Territory Angelia Brinneman Dating after Loss With the coming of the holiday season, do widows and widowers feel more alone? I know I always do. Parties, get-togethers, and holiday celebrations seem to bring out couples everywhere, but I am still alone. We are expected to be cheerful… and even happy to meet our friends’ and siblings’ new significant others, but all it does is make us feel more alone. Nobody really understands why we aren’t joyful during the holi
Love Is Never Forgotten: Dealing With Trauma Re-Triggered by Current Events Love Is Never Forgotten: Dealing With Trauma Re-Triggered by Current Events Love Is Never Forgotten: Dealing With Trauma Re-Triggered by Current Events \| TAPS Briana Hobbs My dad embarked on a journey to fight for Afghan freedom in 2004. Journey best describes anything my dad did. He didn’t just do things– he embodied them. In everything he did, he was all in. As a unique renaissance man, he had a charisma that drew people in and made them fall in love. He was a creative weirdo, philosoph
Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Sports Memories Saturday Morning Message: Sharing Fond Sports Memories Sharing Fond Sports Memories \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good Morning, Watching sporting events is something that many families like to do together. For football fans, this is an especially big weekend because of the Super Bowl. Barbara, mother of Brian sent the opening photo showing their family when they went to a football game featuring their favorite NFL team. You will read more about this special memory in the respons
Saturday Morning Message: Looking Back on Fond Memories Saturday Morning Message: Looking Back on Fond Memories Looking Back on Fond Memories \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, Good morning, Connecting with other survivors and sharing stories of our loved ones is one of the best parts of TAPS. With the recent restrictions around COVID-19, we have had to do things differently this year, but we can still do it. The National Seminar went online and there were many survivors attending care groups and workshops. You can
Saturday Morning Message: New Traditions Saturday Morning Message: New Traditions Saturday Morning Message: New Traditions Carol Lane Good Morning, The picture this morning is of an arrangement made by my sister-in-law to celebrate the season. I light it every night during the holidays to honor the life of my son, Bryon. When a loved one dies, it can be hard to face the upcoming time and keep the same traditions. To simplify your life, think about the customs you would like to keep and ones you could let go just for this year. You
Moments…Just Moments Moments…Just Moments Moments…Just Moments Darcie Sims Have you ever had a moment? You know, a moment when time stood still and everything was as it should be—right and good and whole and wonderful. A moment when you were in the right place at the right time and life was good. Did you ever have a moment like that? Did you ever have a moment when the sun danced across the windowpane and made a rainbow through the glass? Or the breeze caught the fragrance of roses and sent it drifting past
A Tribute to My Mom on Mother’s Day A Tribute to My Mom on Mother’s Day A Tribute to My Mom on Mother’s Day \| TAPS Cameron Bowman Mothers are the most important people in an individual's life. They greatly impact their daughters' existence. I can say this with confidence, as my own mother has done just that. Mothers day is a dedicated 24 hours of celebration honoring the mother of a family, as well as motherhood itself and the influence of all mothers in society. In my opinion, there is not enough time to thank every mother in
My Dad, My Hero My Dad, My Hero My Dad, My Hero Gabrielle Herman Author, Eckhart Tolle, writes of the search for wholeness, a sense of lack or incompleteness, of not being whole, in which we strive after possessions, money, success, power, recognition, or a special relationship to feel better about ourselves and to feel complete. Only to realize, after attaining all these things, we find the hole is still there, that it is bottomless. He believes the secret of life is to "die before you die" - and find that
Boston Strong Boston Strong Boston Strong Linda Ambard As I was running the Boston Marathon, I was the cheerful girl zipping through the marathon with a swish of her red polka dotted skirt and a huge smile on her face. I ribbed the Army people working the course with my call out, "Air Power." Yes, I really was there and I really felt like I was seizing my life back. The Boston Marathon became the metaphor for my life. I focused on running with purpose and joy up Heartbreak Hill never once imagining the hor
Healing After Suicide Healing After Suicide Healing After Suicide Carla Stumpf Patton For those of us who have lost and mourn a loved one after a suicide, we all are tragically familiar with the, almost universal, feelings associated with suicide-related grief: the if onlys, the would haves, the could haves, the should haves, and of course, the endless, echoing, and unanswerable questions of “WHY…?” In the beginning, these thoughts and feelings can feel all consuming, and we wonder how and when we will ever sur
Saturday Morning Message: How TAPS Has Been Of Support During the Pandemic Saturday Morning Message: How TAPS Has Been Of Support During the Pandemic How TAPS Has Been Of Support During the Pandemic \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, It's hard to believe that it's already the end of March and that we just passed the one year anniversary of the start of the national COVID-19 quarantine. Time just seems to be flying by. Each step of the way our TAPS Family has been there to support us and keep us connected virtually and then, very recently, in perso
Five Reasons to Bring Your Kids to the National Military Survivor Suicide Seminar Five Reasons to Bring Your Kids to the National Military Survivor Suicide Seminar Five Reasons to Bring Your Kids to the National Military Survivor Suicide Seminar \| TAPS Karissa Kelley Protecting children from harm, guarding their innocence, and providing a happy childhood are paramount goals in the mind of a loving caregiver. Words like “death,” “suicide,” and “grief” may not seem to fit with this vision of a happy childhood. Attending a National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar (NMSSS) i
Have A Coping Plan For Grief During The Holidays Have A Coping Plan For Grief During The Holidays Have A Coping Plan For Grief During The Holidays \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll It’s official: The holidays are here. Families will gather to share in the sights, sounds, and tastes of Christmas, along with the hustle and bustle of decorations, gifts, and holiday parties. But for families and friends of America’s fallen military heroes, the holidays can be tougher. There’s an empty chair at the table. The holiday photos and postcards are missing an i
teams4taps Marks Second Anniversary teams4taps Marks Second Anniversary teams4taps Marks Second Anniversary TAPS The teams4taps program celebrated its two-year anniversary in November. The occasion set in motion an exciting end-of-year schedule of team engagements. Across America, survivors and their heroes were honored both on and off the playing field. And the momentum continues - in 2016, teams4taps is poised to expand relationships with professional sports teams. With each interaction, more dreams come true for TAPS famil
Gifts, Garlands, and Grief Gifts, Garlands, and Grief Gifts, Garlands, and Grief Sandy Goodman Including your Lost Loved Ones in the Holidays I remember our first Christmas season after. It began the first week of November in 1996, three short months into our worst nightmare, but a lifetime into missing our child of eighteen years. He had died suddenly, one of those "in the wrong place at the wrong time" things, and he took our hearts with him when he left. Summer screeched to a halt and autumn came and went without
Saturday Morning Message: Remembering the Light Saturday Morning Message: Remembering the Light Saturday Morning Message: Remembering the Light Carol Lane Good Morning, Remembering the light and not the darkness takes a long time to come into our lives after the death of a loved one. If you observe a lighthouse in the late evening, the stream of light comes into your line of vision and then fades away, but it always comes back. That is how the memories of our loved ones’ lives come to us…in waves. Sometimes they make us laugh and other ti
Give Yourself the Gift of Memory Give Yourself the Gift of Memory Give Yourself the Gift of Memory Bob Baugher "How long has it been?" Bereaved people are often asked this question. I ask it of you. How long has it been? Now answer this question. How long does it feel like it's been? A common answer is, "On one hand it feels like yesterday. On the other, it feels like a long time ago." Why do we experience our lives like this? How can something five or ten years ago feel recent, yet something that occurred last week ca
The Legacy Lives On The Legacy Lives On The Legacy Lives On \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann is in her element walking the halls of Congress. The echoes of advocacy, the rushed click clack of heels on the marble floors, and the hush that sweeps the room as a committee hearing comes to order - she answers it all with a steady hand. For Ashlynne, these are the sounds of progress for military and veteran survivors - progress she personally knows is necessary, progress that became her why years ag
Helping Military Kids with Traumatic Death Helping Military Kids with Traumatic Death Helping Military Kids with Traumatic Death Linda Goldman Ordinary fears are a normal part of a child’s developmental growth, and children create internal and external mechanisms to cope with these fears. But a child’s ordinary fears can be transformed into very real survival fears in the face of severe trauma. After children experience the death of a parent, they often feel alone and different. Frightened because their once comfortable world now seem
Mentoring the Next Generation of Surviving Children Mentoring the Next Generation of Surviving Children Mentoring the Next Generation of Surviving Children \| TAPS Ashley Leal Jacob Brinneman The Power of Peer Support Carries on Through Legacy Mentors If you have ever attended a TAPS Military Survivor Seminar and Good Grief Camp — maybe a regional seminar or the National Military Survivor Seminar over Memorial Day weekend — you may have seen a group of children being led by volunteers in navy blue, purple, or white t-shirts. These volunt
The Gold Star Tree: A Holiday Memorial to Our Fallen Heroes The Gold Star Tree: A Holiday Memorial to Our Fallen Heroes The Gold Star Tree: A Holiday Memorial to Our Fallen Heroes \| TAPS Patti Nowaczyk During the Christmas season, the Hammond, Indiana, Welcome Center showcases its own exhibit of the movie “A Christmas Story.” Windows are filled with animated displays of scenes from the film. And yes, the leg lamp with the fishnet stocking shines brightly in all its glory. The display also includes 35 holiday trees, and there is a drawing to see who wi
Honor Your Fallen Hero with the NFL This Football Season Honor Your Fallen Hero with the NFL This Football Season Honor Your Fallen Hero with the NFL This Football Season TAPS Football is a favorite pastime for many Americans, but for many of us in the TAPS family it's more than that - it's a special connection shared with our fallen heroes. "Every game day when my husband was with us, he would have all our Patriots outfits laid out, ribs on the grill and nachos in the oven. Our two girls, Lani and Loralei, were his little cheerleaders and enjoy
Feelings In the Spaces of My Heart For Which There Are No Words Feelings In the Spaces of My Heart For Which There Are No Words Feelings In the Spaces of My Heart For Which There Are No Words Linda Ambard When Phil's candle burned out far too early, I snuffed out a part of me with him. In the 23 years of marriage, I found a safe harbor to weather the storms in. Before I met Phil, I didn't have laughter in my life and I yearned for a place to call home. Marrying a military man meant that my idea of home changed from a location to a concept. Home was wh
The Love Languages of Grief The Love Languages of Grief The Love Languages of Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt When it comes to mourning and how others can best help us, there’s no one right way. Every person and every loss is unique. The people we grieve the loss of — as well as the circumstances of the loss — are also one-of-a-kind. After a significant loss, what we think and feel inside, in what ways we’re able to express those thoughts and feelings and how we feel supported by others vary from person to person and loss to
Finding the Strength to Help My Child Understand Death Finding the Strength to Help My Child Understand Death Finding the Strength to Help My Child Understand Death \| TAPS Barb Allen I had just hit my stride as a wife and mother of four little boys when my husband was killed in Iraq. Our children were just 6, 5, 3 and 1 years old. The pain was immense. The anger was consuming. Every part of me wished for the power to will my husband back to life, so I understood completely when my three-year-old son rolled over in bed one night, pointed to the
Stars, Stripes, and Service Stars, Stripes, and Service Stars, Stripes, and Service \| TAPS Dawn Kotalik Kristi Stolzenberg Editor's Note: This article is a follow-up to the article, “Honor to Serve,” published on TAPS in March 2024. Service is something of a tradition in the Kotalik family. During WWII, a paratrooper with that last name landed in Normandy, and his legacy inspired future generations of Kotaliks to follow in his footsteps, including his great-grandson, U.S. Army SPC Jarrett Kotalik, who enlisted i
Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers Klinger's Korner: Healthy Growth & Development In Bereaved Children and Teenagers \| TAPS Andy McNiel How can I help my child grow and develop in healthy ways even when they are grieving the death of someone in their life? It is difficult to watch our children struggle or face distress after a loss. As parents, we want our children to have healthy, happy experiences, and we worry that their grief will have long-t
Breaking Away from Loneliness Breaking Away from Loneliness Breaking Away from Loneliness \| TAPS Emily Munoz Grief is inherently about interrupted connection. We are separated from someone we love. Loneliness, then, is logical. I just didn’t expect it to show up, years after the searing had turned to scarring. When it did, it was because, in my early grief, I leaned so much into the hope that the universe still held joy and purpose for me, that eventually this would all make sense. But loneliness showed up, clutching
Saturday Morning Message: Ornaments for our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Ornaments for our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Ornaments for our Loved Ones \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Ornaments are special. Some of them are from places we have visited, come from special friends or family, or they can be just something we bought because it touched our hearts. TAPS has touched many hearts, so the opening picture is an ornament you can buy at the TAPS store. This week survivors wrote about creating an ornament that introduces their lo
It Takes A Tribe It Takes A Tribe It Takes A Tribe Shauna Springer When we lose someone we love, it’s easy to lose hope. We can become helpless and only see the darkest parts of grief. But there is hope. There is help. There is healing. It takes a tribe - a group of people who share a common language, culture and history - to preserve life after loss. Those who have lived through similar experiences provide a guiding light and a rallying unit. Professional mental health providers play an important role, bu
Learning to Swim Learning to Swim Learning to Swim Tara Cameron I share a lot as a writer. I like to think of myself as transparent. But there are still a lot of things about me that aren’t transparent. I struggle with letting others see my grief. Mourning in front of others is a challenge. Some people bottle up their anger and frustrations. Me, I bottle up my tears. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I don't like to cry in front of an audience. I don't like to let those walls down because I hate fe
Physical Reactions to Loss and Grief Physical Reactions to Loss and Grief How the Body Reacts to the Loss of a Loved One - TAPS News Susan Blankenship Rebecca Porter “Sometimes I feel like I’m floating, like this just can’t be real. Am I losing my mind?” “My hands feel freezing cold, like they’re in a bucket of ice water. I’ve never had this kind of feeling before.” “My skin has been a mess for the past month. I haven’t had acne like this since I was in high school. What’s happening to me?” After the sudden and unexpected loss
My TAPS Journey My TAPS Journey My TAPS Journey \| TAPS Amanda Klager I am so grateful for TAPS and all the amazing people who have become a big part of my life and family since my brother Adam passed away. Deb Lucey, Director of Operations, Survivor Services, reached out to me. I was very hesitant. I knew there was nothing anyone could do that would bring him back. Deb did not give up on me. She continued to reach out and check in on me. She told me she was a surviving sister herself. She told me she kn
3 Reasons Why Posting "Sad" Things to Social Media Doesn't Mean I'm Stuck in My Grief 3 Reasons Why Posting "Sad" Things to Social Media Doesn't Mean I'm Stuck in My Grief 3 Reasons Why Posting "Sad" Things to Social Media Doesn't Mean I'm Stuck in My Grief Kelly Griffith “He would want you to go on with your life.” The words knocked the wind out of me as if I was once again standing at the front door, staring blankly at three Marines. How could anyone think that posting a photo of my brother’s headstone on social media is not OK? That I’m somehow stuck in my grief because
Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Our Spirits Saturday Morning Message: Uplifting Our Spirits \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Uplifting our spirits on the grief journey can sometimes be a daunting task. This week survivors share ideas about what they find useful to raise their feelings when they are down. One of the methods sent by Winona, spouse of Clifford, is gardening. She sent this beautiful picture of her garden — you will read more below about how she accomplishes a more peaceful pe
Introducing Alice Daniel Introducing Alice Daniel Introducing Alice Daniel Alice Daniel "The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." ~Rajneesh Only sadness has consumed my life more than the word WHY. I came into this world a “daughter.” My father died at 39 years old. I was 12. I thought my world had come to an end. Surely there was no greater pain that could be suffered than to lose your parent.
A Time of Thankfulness A Time of Thankfulness A Time of Thankfulness Rachael Hill The holiday season is one that can be very difficult when you are missing someone you love. Everything is about family dinners and family outings. Family, family, family. While I love spending time with my boys and our friends that have become like family, there is always that stinging reminder that my “family” is not complete since my husband is no longer with us. I have many friends on Facebook doing the “30 days of thankfulness a
10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss 10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss 10 Things We Know to Be True about Suicide Loss \| TAPS TAPS Losing someone you love to suicide comes with complex grief. You might catch yourself asking why or what if or even wrestling with guilt, thinking you could have done something more — "If only I would have..." or "I should have known something was wrong." These questions, though raw and overwhelming — especially in grief — and processing these questions over time and with support can he
New Beginnings in the Winter Stillness New Beginnings in the Winter Stillness New Beginnings in the Winter Stillness \| TAPS Erin Jacobson When we journey into winter, a new rhythm emerges. Nature’s pace slows down; the earth becomes more still and turns inward. Animals go into hibernation; the fallen leaves return to the soil to nourish new growth; snow covers the hardened ground. Darkness comes early in the afternoons, closing out our days much sooner than the hazy evenings of summer. We, too, take our cues from nature, beginning
Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Traditions Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Traditions TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Holiday Traditions Carol Lane Good Morning, After the loss of a loved one, many find it hard to observe holidays. Today two articles are shared that talk about reaching for the light through the darkness at this time of year. Kim Ruocco wrote a very meaningful article. The list of thoughts she included are listed below. To read the whole article, go to “Finding New Perspective on Holiday Traditions When You’re Gr
Memorial Day: A National Debt, A Personal Price Memorial Day: A National Debt, A Personal Price Memorial Day: A National Debt, A Personal Price \| TAPS Emily Munoz Memorial Day was a first step toward national unity in a deeply divided country. With origins in the aftermath of the Civil War, it was designated for the purpose of “strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion, and whose bodies now lie in almost every city, village and hamlet church-yard in
The Power of Sports The Power of Sports The Power of Sports \| TAPS August Cabrera Angela Cabrera Beyond the Final Score August Cabrera, surviving spouse and mother to Max and Roanin Texas A&M is a huge deal in the Cabrera family. Not only did our hero, Dave, graduate from there in 1992, but a sister, brother, and now nephew are all Aggies. Dave and his first wife, Angela, were college sweethearts and now their two kids, Corbin and Gillian, both attend A&M. So when team4taps called to offer our family, our
Looking for Hope in all the Right Places Looking for Hope in all the Right Places Looking for Hope in all the Right Places Janet Crane My Journey of Grief I have always thought of myself as a strong person. In reality my strength had never really been tested until I experienced the losses of the last 13 years. I lost my dad in 2000, a half sister in 2004, another half sister in 2008, my mom in 2010, and my son in 2012. I have to say that I had handled all of my losses up to my son's pretty well. I was sad and did my share of crying
My Death Wish My Death Wish My Death Wish Michele Hernandez Moving from Misery to Meaning It is an odd and frightening sensation to wish you were dead. After my husband died I fervently wished I could die, too. The first time I read that grieving people sometimes fantasize about death, I was relieved. My entire life I had appreciated the gift of life; to suddenly and frequently wish it away was a disconcerting and lonely experience. When my husband, Phil, was hit by a car, the initial shock provided
Good vs. Bad Pain Good vs. Bad Pain Good vs. Bad Pain \| TAPS Emily Munoz Finding Power and Purpose through the Hurt We know that pain is uncomfortable, but can it also be a good thing? A useful thing? Pain can be a valuable teacher. But as much as we may learn from it, we may also feel compelled to avoid it. It takes tremendous emotional energy to constantly have to come to terms with how much has gone awry. How much should we wrestle with how hurt we are, and how much should we surrender? Photo c
Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays Prepare Yourself for the Holidays \| TAPS Bonnie Carroll Alan Wolfelt “Oh that it were possible, after long grief and pain, to find the arms of my true love around me once again.” ~ Alfred Lord Tennyson Because the person who died is no longer there to share the holidays with you, you may feel particularly sad and vulnerable during Christmas, Hanukkah and other holidays that are special to your family. Don’t overextend yourself during the holidays. Don’
How to Tell Children About a Death How to Tell Children About a Death How to Tell Children About a Death \| TAPS TAPS TAPS listens to survivors. Our ear is continually tuned toward the input of all those in the survivor community. As a result, programming and resources have been tailored by insightful feedback that effectively speaks to the experiences and needs of all those who have lost a loved one whose life included military service to America. This community of hope rallies to identify helpful next steps in programs, partn
Following in Dad’s Footsteps Following in Dad’s Footsteps Following in Dad’s Footsteps Kelly McHugh-Stewart The last mile was the most painful, physically and mentally. I tried to keep from dwelling too much on my dad for the first 24 miles of the race in fear I’d break down too early and lose the energy I needed to finish my first marathon. But once my blistered body hit the 25-mile marker, I let the tears and the memories flow. My salty tears mixed with my sweat and were quickly washed away in the steady downpour of r
How I Honor the Memories of My Dad During the Holidays How I Honor the Memories of My Dad During the Holidays How I Honor the Memories of My Dad During the Holidays \| TAPS Zakees Baker As the holiday season sets in, I’m reminded of so many special memories of my father, Sgt. Jevon Jordan. I’m reminded of his love of family, sense of duty to serve and that smile on his face when he’d take the first bite of lemon meringue pie. And while the memories can and do bring pain, they’re matched by the purest sense of joy as I think about our happiest mome
Losing Myself, After Losing John: The Fight to Find My Inner Warrior Losing Myself, After Losing John: The Fight to Find My Inner Warrior Losing Myself, After Losing John: The Fight to Find My Inner Warrior Sharon Forbes Grief is one of the most difficult things we can endure. And If we allow it, grief can become all-consuming and even self-destructive. When my fiancé John McNulty, a civilian contractor and K-9 handler, died by suicide, the ground beneath me disappeared. I was disoriented and collapsed internally – questioning: Was it my fault? Was it somethin
Best-Practice Suicide Postvention Model Provides Roadmap for Growth Best-Practice Suicide Postvention Model Provides Roadmap for Growth Best-Practice Suicide Postvention Model Provides Roadmap for Growth \| TAPS TAPS The TAPS Suicide Prevention and Postvention Program placed increased focus on its best-practice TAPS Suicide Postvention Model in 2019, building the 11th annual National Military Suicide Survivor Seminar around the three-phase model so that survivors in attendance could see a clearer path to their post-traumatic growth and defining themselves as m
Holiday Tribute Trees: A Powerful Way to Remember and Honor our Military Loved Ones Holiday Tribute Trees: A Powerful Way to Remember and Honor our Military Loved Ones Holiday Tribute Trees: A Powerful Way to Remember and Honor our Military Loved Ones \| TAPS TAPS When you lose someone you love, the holiday season takes on a whole new meaning. What once was the “most wonderful time of the year” might now feel anything but. Suddenly there is an empty chair at your table and an empty stocking on your mantel. Old traditions might not feel quite right anymore, so what do you do?
Healing Tree Healing Tree Healing Tree \| TAPS Sharon Hilty Last Christmas, when it was time to put up my tree, I did not want to decorate with my usual collection of ornaments — I wanted this tree to be special. I decided this tree would be a tribute to my son, SFC John-David Hilty, who died in Iraq on March 30, 2020, after 20 years of service to our country. I started by looking around my home to see what I might use to decorate what I came to call “My Healing Tree,” and I was amazed at all the dried f
A widow’s transformational trip A widow’s transformational trip A widow’s transformational trip \| TAPS Carole Hilton Many years ago, about seven years after my husband’s death, I was sitting in a meeting participating in an icebreaker activity. As we went around the room and shared something that was on our bucket list, I was horrified to realize that I had nothing. Nothing that I was looking forward to — no long term plans or dreams. Since my husband’s death in 2004 my entire focus had been on raising our three children (w
Choices Choices Choices Linda Ambard Sometimes it feels like life is unfair. As I watch happy families together and as people assume that I am single by divorce, I want to scream at the world that this isn't my choice. None of it. Like many people, I thought I knew what my future held. I can't say that I always liked every aspect of my life, but for the most part, I liked my status quo and I knew who I was in my world. I was Phil Ambard's wife and Patrick, Josh, Emily, Alex, and Tim's mom. I wa
Using Medication for Grief When and How to Use Medication for Grief Using Medication for Grief - TAPS News Richard Dew Note: As with any medical questions, seek the advice of your physician. Prescription medications should only be taken under the advisement of a licensed medical professional. It was a typical meeting of The Compassionate Friends, a national organization for parents who have lost a child. We were discussing what helped us cope with the death of our child. Joanna, a quiet lady who seldom spoke, sudden
How Persistence and Patience Paid Off How Persistence and Patience Paid Off How Persistence and Patience Paid Off TAPS My wife and I found TAPS in May 2010 after my grandson's death by suicide the previous year. We were overwhelmed at our first TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar - to have to admit this loss is real is so difficult. But we found the family and comfort we needed. My wife was determined to be a TAPS Peer Mentor. As a Marine who served in Vietnam, I wasn't sure I could be a mentor to another person because of
Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Safe Zones: Boundaries in Early Grief Emily Munoz Author Bill Bryson wrote a book called “I’m A Stranger Here, Myself,” which chronicles his re-entry into American culture after living in the United Kingdom for 20 years. While the book isn’t about grief, it is about change and what happens when the world around us changes without our consent or awareness. Sometimes we become strangers to ourselves. Doesn't it often feel, especially in early grief, as t
A Visit to Arlington A Visit to Arlington A Visit to Arlington \| TAPS Pamela Henne Walking Among the Familiar My letter began, You don’t know me, but you knew my father when you both served in Europe during World War II. My mother has told me how she hears from you at Christmastime and you always speak fondly of Dad and your days together as soldiers. My father was a great man; gracious, patient and most importantly a hero. Of course he never saw himself this way, but I certainly did. He taught me by his action
5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief 5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief 5 Reasons Peer Support Has Helped Me Through My Grief \| TAPS Amanda Klager You can Google the definition of grief and read it over and over again, but until you go through it you’ll never fully understand. When my brother, Army Spc. Adam Klager, died friends and loved ones came to my side. They cried with me. They were there for me. But they didn’t understand what I was going through. My family was grieving as well, but their grief was d
Video: TAPS Friendsgiving Video: TAPS Friendsgiving Video: TAPS Friendsgiving \| TAPS TAPS Media As we move further into Fall, we begin ushering in the holiday season and are reminded of the importance of family and community. This Fall, we are creating local, one day events across the country where survivors can connect and acknowledge the bittersweet nature of the holidays and the range of emotions that can come along with them. We call this TAPS Friendsgiving. Together, we will tell the stories of those who left emp
Video: Heartbreaking Loss & Hopeful Connections - One Military Surviving Mom's Story Video: Heartbreaking Loss & Hopeful Connections - One Military Surviving Mom's Story Video: Heartbreaking Loss & Hopeful Connections - One Military Surviving Mom's Story \| TAPS TAPS Media Alice Daniel Alice Daniel thought that when her son, Austin, came back from serving in Iraq, they had weathered the storm and made it through okay, until Austin was diagnosed with cancer, which would later be linked to toxic exposure from burn pits in Iraq. Austin died from cancer related complications and Al
Afghanistan to America - Women to Women Building Bridges and Finding Hope Afghanistan to America - Women Building Bridges and Finding Hope Afghanistan Bracelets TAPS Media afghanistan bracelets, online story, afghan 2017 Afghanistan - About the Stone of Heaven Women in America and in Afghanistan grieving the death of their loved ones build a bridge between these two worlds through this bracelet project.
Discovering a New Plan Discovering a New Plan Discovering a New Plan R. Glenn Kelly Almost as if spring were just a dream, summer is upon us, and we find ourselves in shorts, t-shirts and sandals, darting to and from air-conditioned spaces. Summer also brings another transition point for me after the traumatic loss of a child. In summer 2013, I lost my son and only child, Jonathan, when his heart failed during a relatively simple surgery. To me, summer will always be a reminder of the plans I had that were erase
From Grief to Gratitude From Grief to Gratitude From Grief to Gratitude Amy Dozier After experiencing loss, I found myself full of negative emotions, especially on days like today - an angelversary - that remind me of that particular loss. I felt desperately cheated out of more time, doubtful that life could be back to "normal" again, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness. I thought no one understood my fleeting emotions. Over time, I learned that all of these feelings were actually just the right ones to feel at
Following In My Brother's Footsteps Following In My Brother's Footsteps Following In My Brother's Footsteps Kelly Griffith I was 10 years old the first and last time I asked my brother, Sam, if I could go on a run with him. He was home from college at Penn State, but he still had to do PT runs for ROTC. We were only running to the front of the neighborhood and back, so it was an easy two miles round trip. It was clear right from the start that I wasn’t going to be able to keep Sam’s pace. I was stubborn though, and told him
Zipped Into My Fraud Suit Zipped Into My Fraud Suit Zipped Into My Fraud Suit Marcia McCormick Tomlinson The moment I received the news that my son was dead by suicide I changed. Everything about the life I had planned for myself changed in an instant. Everything about me changed, too. That was the moment I reached down and stepped into my Fraud Suit. “How are you?” concerned friends asked. “Fine,” I lied. And thus I began to zip myself into the Fraud Suit I wore everywhere, to church, to the store, to the library,
Destiny: Realizing Not Everything Dies With Our Loved Ones Destiny: Realizing Not Everything Dies With Our Loved Ones Destiny: Realizing Not Everything Dies With Our Loved Ones Elizabeth Rozier I know it’s hard for many of us to imagine a world outside of our injured heart. The hole created by the death of our loved ones becomes the central focus of everything. The way we react, think, dream, etc. all centers around that injury. While I will never stop telling people about my brother I have made a conscious effort this year to not let that steer my
Picking Up the Pieces Picking Up the Pieces Picking Up the Pieces \| TAPS Chris Beck Life after the loss of a loved one can shatter us and bring us to our knees, lost, not knowing what to do next. As the pieces of our lives scatter after a loss, finding a way to put them back together can seem overwhelming. Life’s complexities have many similarities to jigsaw puzzles — you sort and gather pieces, then fit them into your unique picture. I worked 55 years to build my puzzle, adding pieces along the way: my wife,
October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month October is Emotional Wellness Month \| TAPS TAPS This article was first published on the TAPS website on October 1, 2021 and has been updated with additional resources. As members of the TAPS family, we either know (or are learning) that even in the midst of heartache, we can find moments of comfort and connection. It doesn’t always come naturally - it isn’t easy to balance the needs of grieving and living. Yet, when we’re navigating major life transition
How to Practice Self-Compassion When Grieving How to Practice Self-Compassion When Grieving How to Practice Self-Compassion When Grieving \| TAPS Cori Bussolari The death of a loved one can be the most difficult event we ever experience. Grief, or the deep sorrow and heartbreak we feel as a result of this loss, can overwhelm us so much that all assumptions about how the universe works completely shatter. Grief is messy, confusing, enormously painful, and never seems to follow a linear path. This is the time where we need to deeply take c
Holiday Wish List for the Grieving Holiday Wish List for the Grieving Holiday Wish List for the Grieving Jeff Brookshire "Happy Hanukkah," they say. "Merry Christmas," they repeat. "Joyous Kwanza," they wish. But for some of us, happy and merry and joy are the remotest emotions of our heart. Especially during this season. Too many memories. Too many traditions. Too much pain. The empty chair at the dinner table. The one less present under the tree. The voice that filled the room with laughter now silent. While some sing that "
Two Widows Talk with TIME Magazine Two Widows Talk with TIME Magazine Two Widows Talk with TIME Magazine TAPS Two Widows Who Lost Their Husbands to Suicide Talk with TIME Magazine TIME magazine’s cover story issued today asks why active-duty service members are dying by suicide and features the stories of two widows who both lost their husbands on the same day, March 21, 2012. Both widows are getting peer-based emotional support through TAPS. Leslie McCaddon is the surviving widow of Army Captain Michael McCaddon. McCaddon w
Climbing Mountains Climbing Mountains Climbing Mountains Peggy Carvill-Ligouri We all have mountains to climb, mine just happened to be in Tanzania, Africa. Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro challenged me and changed me in ways I never thought possible. I started with the sole purpose of honoring the memories of my two brothers, Mike and Frank. Mike died of colon cancer on September 23, 2003. Frank was killed in action in Sadr City, Iraq, on June 4, 2004. They loved travel, adventure and any and all outdoor activit
Running for Dad on Father's Day Running for Dad on Father's Day Running for Dad on Father's Day Allicia Johnson When I first started writing for TAPS it was just kind of a given I would be submitting a Father’s Day post. I thought this would be one of my easiest submissions—until I attended the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar last month. I went with the intention of being a shoulder to cry on and support to strangers who were young in their grief, only to end up with tear stains on my own cheeks more often than I
The Grief Journey and My Adult Children The Grief Journey and My Adult Children The Grief Journey and My Adult Children Linda Ambard One of the most difficult aspects of losing Phil was I could barely help myself. I couldn’t fix my own hurts and I couldn’t fix the hurts in my children. It wasn’t that we invented things to implode the closeness we had once shared, but we couldn’t make our way out of the darkness. Nobody wanted anyone else to feel worse if they were having a hard day, so we kept in our own lanes. The collateral d
I'm All About That Bass I'm All About That Bass I'm All About That Bass Linda Ambard There is a song that says, “I’m all about that bass, about that bass.” That song means something different to me than others, I am sure. When I hear it, I immediately consider my attitude. It’s all about that attitude. While I cannot deny that I still have pity parties and days that I break down in tears, I can say that each and every day I make the choice to be happy. How can I subtly shift my paradigms when the very person I built
The Dance The Dance The Dance Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann Music has always been an important part of my family. Some of my earliest memories of my father involve him singing and dancing in the kitchen while making breakfast. I remember my mother playing the cassette version of Garth Brooks albums in her minivan driving me to school in the mornings. Don't get me wrong, I cannot sing to save my life, but that has never stopped me from singing along, horribly, while driving or in the shower. One of the mo
Today I'm Angry Today I'm Angry Today I'm Angry Alice Daniel I’ve done my best to be “upbeat” for my family. After all, everyone depends on Mom, right? Bake the birthday cakes, organize holidays, plan family vacations, get this one to therapy, that one to the doctor – the list goes on and on. And most days I can - I can said the little engine, I can. I’m not sure how it’s possible, but my life seems to have two different faces. On one hand my life reminds me of a book published years, ago, I’m Dancing as Fas
TAPS Family Featured in Front Page New York Times Story on Suicide in the Military TAPS Family Featured in Front Page New York Times Story on Suicide in the Military TAPS Family Featured in Front Page New York Times Story on Suicide in the Military TAPS WASHINGTON - Don Lipstein, of West Chester, Pa., is featured today in a front-page New York Times story by Andrew Lehren and Jim Dao discussing suicide in the military. Lipstein works with the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS), which provides comfort and care to anyone grieving the death of someone who died whi
The Art of Cherishing The Art of Cherishing The Art of Cherishing \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt After the death of someone close to you, you enter a time of deep grief. This is a normal and necessary time of transition. If you use this period of intense grief to actively and intentionally engage with your painful thoughts and feelings, you find ways to express them that are helpful to you. In other words, you do the hard work of mourning. You share your grief outside yourself — in doses over time — so that you begin to inte
From Uncertainty to Excitement at the TAPS College Experience From Uncertainty to Excitement at the TAPS College Experience From Uncertainty to Excitement at the TAPS College Experience \| TAPS Maxx Ray The importance of education has always been instilled in my personal beliefs. Though, post-secondary school always gave me doubts — What if I’m not smart enough? What if I haven’t done enough? There were so many uncertainties that floated around my mind, causing me to get way too worked up at the thought of college. I began to over-stress about college, w
How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss How Nature Helps Us Heal After Loss \| TAPS Erin Jacobson My senses were in overdrive. My ears filled with the sounds of my feet plodding on dirt and the swish of my arms against my backpack. I heard birds singing and the wind moving through the trees. My nostrils filled with the sharp scent of pine trees. The sun toasted my skin. All around me I could see the breathtaking beauty of Eastern Montana, but the sensation of burning muscles consumed me. I had m
Saturday Morning Message: How We Will Honor Memorial Day Saturday Morning Message: How We Will Honor Memorial Day How We Will Honor Memorial Day \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message Carol Lane Good morning, The springtime holidays from Mother’s Day to Father’s Day, with Memorial Day in between, can be stressful for many surviving adults and children. If there is a significant birth or angelversary date that occurs during this time, it can be even more emotional for the family. This year is particularly stressful with social distancing and the uncertain
The Family Plot Arlington National Cemetery: The Family Plot Arlington National Cemetery: The Family Plot \| TAPS Claire Henline Whispering across the ageless stones, some of our modern-day Spartans lie in Arlington National Cemetery. The cemetery itself has long held a singular reputation of honor, duty, and sacrifice, but it is really one of many distinguished cemeteries for our nation's veterans across the country. Still, Arlington captures the patriot's heart and evokes the spirit of sacrifice like few ot
Holiday Emotions Only Your #tapsfam Understands Holiday Emotions Only Your #tapsfam Understands Holiday Emotions Only Your #tapsfam Understands TAPS If you’ve ever seen the movie Elf, you know that there are times you just might not “fit in.” Whether you need to dig into the holidays or to completely disconnect from them, there’s no place that grief takes you that your #tapsfam doesn’t understand. We’ve lived through the extremes, and we’ve made it through the melancholy in between–you will make it, too. What we've learned by living is
Surviving the Holidays… Surviving the Holidays… Surviving the Holidays… Heidi Horsley Without My Brother I was shocked and stunned when I received the news that my brother Scott had died in a car accident. I thought my brother was going to be in my life forever. We grew up together, experienced a shared history, and knew things about each other that no one else will ever know. I always assumed we’d raise kids together, grow old together, and share many more holidays together. So how did I not only survive
What My Grief Has Taught Me About Life and COVID-19 What My Grief Has Taught Me About Life and COVID-19 What My Grief Has Taught Me About Life and COVID-19 \| TAPS Denise Brownlee The entire world has downshifted. COVID-19 and sheltering in place drastically changed how we live our lives. This has been a challenging time for many. It is important to acknowledge that each of our paths is unique. There has been a focus on people grieving the loss of their pre COVID-19 lives, but that doesn’t resonate with me. Instead, I began to realize that my g
July Was Not Kind July Was Not Kind July Was Not Kind Linda Ambard I took a terrible fall out running at the end of July. Both arms were scraped, and my left rib cage and leg were criss-crossed with terrible scrapes. I knew the right side of my body was traumatized, but I never even recognized the unseen injuries that haunt me know. One and a half weeks after that spill, I came home from a relatively short run for me. Within an hour, I could not use my right leg. My leg buckled and locked. I couldn't get
Taking Back My Finish Line Taking Back My Finish Line Taking Back My Finish Line Linda Ambard Nobody tells you how much grief is going to hurt. Although I am a marathon runner, I had to fight for each and every breath I took after Phil died. I woke up from a few stolen minutes of sleep with my bones aching and my body heavy. I went to bed exhausted and weary, but as soon as I close my eyes images began to torment and rob me of even more sleep. I’d think of my loved one, and the swollen knot in my throat would reappea
Learning to Let Go Learning to Let Go Learning to Let Go Amber Baum (It’s Not What You Think) When most people hear me say I’m learning to let go, they assume I’m speaking of my late husband, Sergeant Ryan John Baum, who was killed in Iraq on May 18, 2007. Some time ago, I would have drawn the same conclusion, because some time ago I was genuinely trying to let him go. Too much pain, confusion, and uncertainty punched my gut each time I heard his name or recalled our memories. Back on that dark day in 2007,
To Your Health To Your Health To Your Health LaRita Archibald Self Care "Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin as self neglecting." ~ William Shakespeare, Henry V Grieving is very hard work. It depletes energy and robs one of rest, of joy, and of the wish to care properly for oneself. For a time, most bereaved don't care whether they reestablish routine or restore structure in their lives. Some may not care about maintaining their health. Each is obsessed with the death and the loss that has occ
Terrorism Cannot Take Any More From Me Terrorism Cannot Take Any More From Me Terrorism Cannot Take Any More From Me Linda Ambard Until 9/11, I lived a shroud of naïve ignorance believing that terrorism was something that would never touch my country or my life. Terrorism was something that happened to other people in far off lands. I had lived in Europe for eight years at that point and while there were threats, I never really considered myself to be in danger. Phil deployed numerous times all over the world and I had long ago
When Small Talk is a Big Issue When Small Talk is a Big Issue When Small Talk is a Big Issue \| TAPS Emily Munoz Traveling the country to host Regional Seminars, the TAPS team hears about the sense of freedom that comes from connecting with other people who understand. At TAPS events, you can be yourself — the armor can come off; the mask can fall away. As this happens, our bonds as a TAPS family strengthen and grow. And then, Sunday rolls around, and with it comes the real world — and some of us need that armor back. We do
Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Grade Schoolers and Military Loss Gloria Horsley Military families know resilience. Moves from base to base and long deployments can weigh on the family unit. But, for grade schoolers, constantly leaving friends and starting new schools where they don’t know anyone is an additional pressure. On top of that, when a family member or loved one is lost in the military, there is an incredible amount of trauma. Maybe your child has to change schools after you’ve
Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Helping a Grandparent Who Is Grieving Alan Wolfelt "When a grandchild dies, grandparents grieve twice. They mourn the loss of the child and they feel the pain of their own child's suffering. Sometimes we forget about the grandparents when a child dies. You can help by not forgetting, by offering the grandparents your love, support and presence in the weeks and months to come." ~ From Healing a Grandparent's Grieving Heart by Alan Wolfelt A child or
Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Boxes in the Attic: Part Two Betsy Beard You Can’t Take It With You It is said that one of the tasks of grieving is to relocate the loved one from being a physical presence to that of residing in our hearts and memories. It is not an easy task. And we really don’t want to do it. We just want them to come home and walk in the door. And after a few years, we get it. They’re not coming home. They won’t be watching this movie, reading that book, or wearing those clo
3 Ways Gardening Changed My Outlook on Grief 3 Ways Gardening Changed My Outlook on Grief 3 Ways Gardening Changed My Outlook on Grief Anne Halvorson When my husband, Navy Petty Officer 1st Class IC1 Kevin Wilson, passed away in September 2009, I was left feeling hopeless. Active duty military myself, with two small kids, I faced both legal battles over our common-law marriage and an unsympathetic command. All of that while trying to comprehend what happened and how to raise my kids. My closest family was halfway across the country; I
Miles for Kyle Miles for Kyle Miles for Kyle Maggie Osborn Running a marathon for some is a sport; for others a life accomplishment. Me? I run for Kyle. I run in his honor. I run because he can’t. I run to fulfill his goals and complete his bucket list. I run to carry on his memory and to ensure it inspires others as he did in his life on earth. Kyle was a loving, outgoing man who continually sought out new challenges. He was always an active person applying himself to new adventures: fishing, CrossFit,
Surviving the Holidays After Loss Surviving the Holidays After Loss Surviving the Holidays After Loss Linda Ambard The Christmas holidays were always magical to me. I loved the hustle and bustle, the music, the festive home decorations, the planning and the secrets, what it means to me, and I loved the laughter in my chaotic family. We never had a lot, but somehow our tree was the tree that people stood and gaped at. It looked like we had a mountain of gifts piled high under the tree. Having five children will do that. F
The 10 Year Anniversary The 10 Year Anniversary The 10 Year Anniversary Elizabeth Rozier Lately, I have been struggling with the subjects of my blogs. I write better when it comes from experience and emotion. But from fear of offending in an easily offended world, I have refrained from sharing from my deepest experiences. However, I think some of you can relate to the topic of faith and grief and trying to figure out where they can both exist in our lives together. So, hear my heart. I do not seek to offend, but si
Afraid To Be Happy Afraid To Be Happy Afraid To Be Happy Linda Ambard When Phil was killed, I cried a lot. I couldn't keep it together. Prior to that, I hadn't cried in 42 years. Thus, to be crying on airplanes, while running, and to wake up weeping was a discombobulating feeling. I had no control of my life and only be morphing into a numb waking state was I able to survive the implosion of my life. As time lapsed, I have found myself doing things I never thought I could do, but it wasn't until recently I reco
Game Day for Dad Game Day for Dad Game Day for Dad Tabitha Bonilla The first professional football game I was able to attend was bittersweet. My initial reaction to the news my mother and I had been selected to attend the Carolina Panthers Salute to Service game was sadness actually; the person I most wanted to experience a live professional football game with, was my father. It was something we were going to finally have the time to do when he retired. Unfortunately, just as he was coming home from deployme
True Meaning of Memorial Day True Meaning of Memorial Day True Meaning of Memorial Day Alice Daniel It is amazing how the meaning of Memorial Day has changed for me through the years. I am somewhat ashamed to admit that before my sons enlisted in the Marine Corps and Army National Guard, the last Monday in May was simply a much anticipated day off work, a holiday, a week at the beach with my family, the beginning of a grand summer season. When my Austin and Randy were deployed to Iraq, Memorial Day took on a whole new
Saturday Morning Message: Introducing Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Introducing Our Loved Ones Saturday Morning Message: Introducing Our Loved Ones Carol Lane Good morning, At every seminar, there is a wall to place pictures of our loved ones, so we can all view them. Now on the new TAPS website, there is a place called the Memorial Hero Wall. When you enter this section, you will not only see pictures of those special people, but you can add a picture of your loved one to the page. This was the inspiration for today’s Saturday Morn
Please Don't Ask Me How My Son Died Please Don't Ask Me How My Son Died Please Don't Ask Me How My Son Died Karen Mojecki Please don't ask me how my son died His mode of death is not germane He died while serving and defending…. Our way of life and liberty He was upholding Army values Of honor…commitment…integrity… Your question rewinds my journey To the "knock" on my front door Two officers wearing uniforms Were waiting on our porch Their message was not wanted They spoke those dreaded words This son I had
Left Behind Left Behind Left Behind \| TAPS Scott McCutcheon Never in my 62 years on this planet have I ever met and truly connected with 20 new brothers the way I did at my first TAPS Men’s Retreat at Camp Operation BBQ Relief (OBR) at Lake of the Ozarks. That miracle happened in the days and nights we spent together in late July. I think every man there used the word “connection” multiple times in our conversations. That is just what we did. We connected with each other. Prior to my a
Remembering My Son - A Dear Mother's Reflection Remembering My Son - A Dear Mother's Reflection Remembering My Son - A Dear Mother's Reflection Peggy Scallorn Cody Allen Scallorn 15 June 1993 to 2 January 2012 Cody started his life out with an uphill battle. He was born eight weeks premature and showed from the very beginning of life that he was a fighter. He was so small and fragile. I wanted nothing more in life than to protect him. I had no idea what greatness lay ahead for Cody. He was our first born child of three children and our
Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law Stephanie Frogge The searing pain of loss envelops us completely in the days and weeks and months following the death of our beloved, whether that person was our son, daughter, brother, sister, husband, wife, daddy or mommy, or significant other. The pain effectively keeps us focused on ourselves and the unique relationship we had with the person who is now gone forever from our earthly lives. It is hard to cope with our own
Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With Multiple Deaths Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With Multiple Deaths Saturday Morning Message: Dealing With Multiple Deaths \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, Dealing with one death can be very difficult, but when you are faced with the loss of more than one family member or friend, you can find yourself in greater difficulty. For me, taking the time to reach out for support is the best thing I can do for myself. Participating in one of the various online chats that TAPS has is one way to find support. There
Promises Promises Promises Linda Ambard Sometimes I feel like a poser playing a part upon the stage. This isn't supposed to be my life. At times, times like now, I can barely recognize the girl I have become. The person I have become was so far from my realm of possibility that it literally brings me to my knees at times. How could a quiet homebody become the girl with a voice? How is it that I am considered to be a subject matter expert in military loss and resiliency when my life before was bei
Saturday Morning Message: Songs of the Heart Saturday Morning Message: Songs of the Heart Saturday Morning Message: Songs of the Heart Carol Lane Good Morning, Songs are one artistic form that can become special for survivors. This week, members of our TAPS family shared songs that are meaningful to them. I hope you enjoy the responses Do you have a song close to your heart? Share with us here and also visit TAPS Facebook. This message will appear there and you can add your comment and a special song. The question for next week is
Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 Kids, Grief, and COVID-19 \| TAPS Linda Goldman Children and teens have had their world turned inside out during the coronavirus pandemic. The familiar has turned foreign, the expected has vanished, and the world as kids knew it pre-COVID-19 has transformed into a surreal new normal. Overwhelmed by virtual classes, home quarantine, cleanl
Army Strong: One family’s proud tradition of service since the Civil War Army Strong — One family’s proud tradition of service since the Civil War Army Strong — One family’s proud tradition of service since the Civil War \| TAPS Sue Sawyer Note: As the U.S. Army celebrates its 245th birthday on June 14, soldiers and Army families reflect on the rich legacy of the first established service branch. Our family rarely talked about military service when I was growing up. It was only after my son joined the Army that I learned it’s been in our DNA since the 19th cent
Forgiveness Forgiveness Forgiveness Linda Ambard How does a person forgive the unforgivable? Almost four years ago, my Phil was taken from me in the very worst way possible, by someone he liked and trusted. With the death of Phil, I lost everything I had built for my life and future. I assumed we would grow old together, welcome grandchildren together, and even bury parents together. I expected It be able to say goodbye when the time came. I never thought I would be a young widow. Sometimes, forgivene
Celebrate Life Celebrate Life Celebrate Life Sherry Viray It was past midnight, the day after my brother died when my phone suddenly rang. By that time, I was already half asleep. Usually when I sleep, I have the phone set on silent. The world could end and I wouldn't care. I needed my sleep as I rarely get any. So I ignored the call. I didn't even get up to see who was calling me so late on a weeknight. Little did I know, only a few hours later when I returned the call, the world I knew actually did end an
Always the Atlantic Always the Atlantic Always the Atlantic Michele Hiester Marcum I have always loved the ocean. I love the mysterious life that teems below her surface and the sandy beaches she hugs. I crave the sunshine that never strays too far from her expanse. I am intrigued by the abrupt changes in her direction and the intensity with which she approaches the shoreline. Sometimes she drifts in with an unexpected tranquility, carrying with her all sorts of treasures to be discovered. And sometimes she
Memorial Day Memorial Day Memorial Day Michele Hiester Marcum School’s out! School’s out! Teachers let the monkeys out! I remember many years ago, when that sing-song sentiment ushered in Memorial Day Weekend each year. Ahhh… the start of summer! Late nights splashing in backyard pools, slurping watermelon, and chasing lightning bugs, followed by lazy mornings spent sleeping in. Memorial Day meant a parade of flag-waving politicians and patriotic band kids, marching from downtown all the way to the cem
Honor to Serve Honor to Serve Honor to Serve \| TAPS Kristi Stolzenberg At Trinity Episcopal Church in The Woodlands, Texas, you’ll find a flag retirement box that stands to collect flags that have grown too worn and weathered to continue to fly. The box tells the story of a life lived in service to others and the lasting bond between a sister and her brother. Grace Kotalik, of Scouts BSA Troop 1777 — this box’s creator — explains the symbolism behind her design: “I selected several elements for the box de
Kickin 2 Stay Kickin 2 Stay Kickin 2 Stay \| TAPS Jennifer Milling Surviving Family Hosts a Kickball Tournament to Spread Suicide Awareness Following Their Own Loss My father died by suicide on September 13, 2022, his grandson’s birthday. In the wake of this traumatic loss, we were left with so many unanswered questions — the swirling “why” questions, of course, but there were others. What were we supposed to do next? Who could help us? Who would direct us on this “new normal” path we were suddenly w
Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents Five Excellent Reads Written by Surviving Parents \| TAPS Angel Pansini Reading books written by other survivors is a healing companion to loss. Whether we are reading about a lighthearted recollection of the life of a service member or confronting the pain of someone’s loss that closely mirrors our own, reading these stories can help us navigate the ups and downs of our own grief. Here are three books for the adult reader, and two written for
Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Saturday Morning Message: Thankful for TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Because it is Thanksgiving weekend, this Saturday Morning Message features a list of resources TAPS provides that I am thankful for as a survivor. Since a list of all the programs would make this message too long, I've only included some of the programs, but you can learn about all TAPS programs at http://www.taps.org. The picture today is from the TAPS website showing a surviv
Suicide: The Aftermath Suicide: The Aftermath Suicide: The Aftermath Madeline Lambrecht Guidance from a fellow survivor The latest reports for 2009 show an increasing number of suicides in all branches of the military with the largest increase in the Army. Figures from 2008 show the military suicide rate exceeding the civilian suicide rate for the first time. Suicide Survivors . . . Suicide survivors are spouses, children, parents, siblings, grandparents, military buddies, friends—all who had a relati
I Never Got to Know You… I Never Got to Know You… I Never Got to Know You… Betsy Beard Those of us who have lost a loved one know what it is like to be left holding up our end of a relationship in which the person who died is no longer able to contribute in a meaningful, vocal, earthly, timely fashion. As adults, we cling to the connections we had, the memories we shared, the life we once lived. We touch the physical reminders of our loved one: clothes, “toys,” pictures, favorite belongings. And we strain to remember
Dressed Blues Dressed Blues Dressed Blues \| TAPS Kathleen Doll Cristofaro Standing silent, motionless, Dressed in Blue, I stand at attention, my salute crisp, as I snap to I stand rigid A statue of respectful pride In memory of this young soldier Who has died Suddenly I shiver; my body starts to sway As the mournful song Of taps begins to play Standing alone, unbendable, and tall Only then in silence do I allow My farewell Salute to fall I struggle to erase this moment That I am forced to see F
Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year Saturday Morning Message: Resolutions for the New Year \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, My resolution comes from the many years I have been connected with TAPS. I look forward to working with all of you and welcome you to the new year of Saturday Morning Messages. My resolution this year is to attend more TAPS events, so I can get to know some of you in person. I know you will enjoy reading survivors’ resolutions in this week’s edition.
In Between Days In Between Days In Between Days Noreen Doloughty The stretch of time between Father's Day and the anniversary of my dad's death is a rest stop along my journey each year. I was eight months old when my dad, Army SSG James C. Doloughty was killed in Vietnam. He served in Alpha Company of 1st Battalion, 502ndInfantry, 101st Airborne Division. My dad stepped forward to rescue the wounded, until he himself was wounded, in an ambush on July 8, 1969 in the foothills west of Tam Ky. He died the foll
Love, Loss, and Legacy Love, Loss, and Legacy Don Lipstein Turning Loss into Legacy - TAPS News Don Lipstein For more information on becoming a peer mentor or requesting a peer mentor, visit the TAPS Peer Mentor Program page. In some ways March 15, 2011, seems like yesterday and in others it feels like an eternity ago. That was the day my life turned upside down. I was completely helpless as my oldest son Joshua, 250 miles away from me, hung the phone up before he took his own life. That moment in time is sea
Keeping Pace Keeping Pace Keeping Pace Rachael Hill On October 26th, 2014 I ran the Marine Corps Marathon with TAPS, my second ever full marathon! Now I have never claimed to be a runner, but completing a marathon had always been on my bucket list. The way I see it if you can run a marathon, you can do just about anything! While training for this marathon, I had to complete many long runs, and while on these long runs my mind would often wander through all sorts of things. One run even brought me to the r
In My Dreams In My Dreams In My Dreams Linda Ambard I am nearing the three year marker of my journey without Phil. I never thought I could make it through a day without knowing he was in my life, but I am finding my footing and making my way. While I have grown increasingly confident in my footing and in my purpose for my future, I still yearn for the man who chose me even when it cost him so much. There has never been a day that I haven’t wanted to share something with him or that I hadn’t had a quiet
You Don't Know What You Don't Know You Don't Know What You Don't Know You Don't Know What You Don't Know \| TAPS Ryan Weaver Sharing Music, A Message, and Finding an Open Forum to Heal Country music artist and military veteran Ryan Weaver. Have you ever walked in to a room since you’ve lost your loved one and felt that anyone, much less everyone, really grasped how much you’ve been through? How many times have you felt strongly, if not more, for someone else’s loss that you focused on their loss as much as your own, ev
Video: The Love Takes Action Series New York Life Video: The Love Takes Action Series New York Life Video: The Love Takes Action Series New York Life \| TAPS New York Life Foundation Terri Jones, Manager for the TAPS Survivor Care Team, shares her story about supporting surviving families who lost their military loved one. When Terri is not supporting and working with her TAPS family, she spends her downtime making masks for others during this COVID-19 crisis. Thank you to New York Life Foundation for their generous support of TAPS throughout
Video: Photographing Grief Video: Photographing Grief Video: Photographing Grief \| TAPS Institute Litsa Williams Eleanor Haley This workshop was recorded by the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® at TAPS Headquarters in Arlington, Virginia and presented by What's Your Grief co-founders Litsa Williams and Eleanor Haley. This video recording of the workshop presents photography techniques and exercises for exploring and expressing your grief story. It is appropriate for anyone interested in using photography as a creat
Love Never Dies Love Never Dies Love Never Dies \| TAPS Anna Steg "You are not physically here to live your life, but I am and you are a part of me." Journal Entry: September 30, 2019 Mornings are always difficult. I usually wake up feeling well-rested, but then reality slowly starts to sink in. I roll over to cuddle you, but you are not there. I then look around the room and realize I am not in our townhouse. Instead, I find myself in a bedroom at my parents' house, packed with our belongings and many re
Waking Up to Gratitude Waking Up to Gratitude Waking Up to Gratitude \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt I’ve become a fan of sunrises. Before COVID-19 changed all of our lives, my busy travel and teaching schedule had me hopping. Most mornings after I woke up, I went straight to work. I had a love-hate relationship with the adrenaline of stress. I was a slave to emails, itineraries, deadlines, and flight schedules. Now I’m in limbo. With most of my presentations postponed or canceled, I’m home. I have time to linger over my morn
Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Suggestions from Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Suggestions from Survivors Saturday Morning Message: Comforting Suggestions from Survivors \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, Sometimes just listening, sharing memories and knowing someone cares like the two women in this picture is the most supportive thing to do when someone is grieving. My neighbor lost her husband a few weeks ago and I used some of the ideas in this message to hopefully give some comfort. I hope you will find some good ideas as well in t
7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child 7 Things I’ve Learned Since the Loss of My Child Angela Miller Child loss is a loss like no other. One often misunderstood by many. If you love a bereaved parent or know someone who does, remember that even his or her “good” days are harder than you could ever imagine. Compassion and love, not advice, are needed. If you’d like an inside look into why the loss of a child is a grief that lasts a lifetime, here is what I’ve learned in my seven yea
Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Fargo Marathon Rachael Hill On May 19th I ran my first full marathon in Fargo, ND with the TAPS Run and Remember team. I have had people ask me, “Why would you want to run 26.2 miles? That’s crazy!” Yes, it is definitely crazy but in my mind if you can run a marathon, you can do anything! My running adventures began in the summer of 2009. We had been in Alaska for not quite a year and I randomly decided I wanted to run a half marathon. Jeff was always very supportive of what
TAPS Survivor Newsletter July 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter July 2024 TAPS Survivor Newsletter July 2024 TAPS Media TAPS Advisory Board Member Dr. Alan Wolfelt reminds us that telling our stories of love and loss helps us survive the pain of grief and begin to heal in a way that integrates our losses into our lives. At TAPS, we offer so many healing ways to share your loved one's story — whether a TAPS Magazine article, blog, or sharing in a group setting at a seminar, Care Group, or Online Group. Your story is unique, and you
Video: TAPS Peer Mentor and Suicide Survivor Shares His Story of Hope, Help and Healing Video: TAPS Peer Mentor and Suicide Survivor Shares His Story of Hope, Help and Healing Video: TAPS Peer Mentor and Suicide Survivor Shares His Story of Hope, Help and Healing \| TAPS Jon Ganues Suicide survivor and TAPS Peer Mentor Jon Ganues shares how giving back to those in his community and to other survivors of suicide loss has helped him heal, grow and honor his son. If you’ve lost a military loved one to suicide, you've come to the right place. We've got you. At TAPS we understand that
Video: The Power of Story – Shaping Your World Through Narrative Video: The Power of Story – Shaping Your World Through Narrative The Power of Story – Shaping Your World Through Narrative Webinar \| TAPS Institute Jesse Tubb Stories are the lens through which we make sense of the world. They shape our perceptions of what we enjoy, who we are, who we aspire to be, and how we interpret our experiences. This uniquely human gift holds a profound influence over our emotions, decisions, and interactions. When we dwell on the past, feel overwhelmed in the present,
In the Silence of Grief: The Tapestry of Love and Loss In the Silence of Grief: The Tapestry of Love and Loss In the Silence of Grief: The Tapestry of Love and Loss \| TAPS Ramesh P. Elaidam In the quiet corners of my heart, where the echoes of cherished voices reside, I find solace in the tapestry of memories woven by those I’ve lost. Their absence, though profoundly felt, becomes a canvas upon which I paint the colors of their laughter, their wisdom, and the love that forever lingers. I allow myself the grace to grieve, understanding that each
Beginning a New Memorial Day Tradition with TAPS Beginning a New Memorial Day Tradition with TAPS Beginning a New Memorial Day Tradition with TAPS Allicia Johnson I'm a D.C. girl … well … sort of. I was born at Bethesda Naval Hospital to a D.C.-native dad and transplant-from-Utah mom. My East Coast roots grow deep even though I only spent six months of my life there. Dad was stationed in Pearl Harbor when I was 6 months old and was shot and killed in action when I was 2 years old. From that point on, Utah has been my home. My front door
Making Choices Making Choices Making Choices Linda Ambard Happiness is a choice. It isn't always easy to make that choice and certainly life is not always fair, but looking for the blessings and for the small things that spark contentment is easier than enduring a pity party. The choice involves thought and intentionality because people innately fixate on what is going wrong, what is missing, or what should or could be. When Phil was killed, early on I recognized that anger or the desire for revenge wouldn
Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning Life After the Death of My Son: What I'm Learning Randy Beard I am a man. So is Dennis Apple. I am a bereaved father. So is Dennis Apple. I am a Christian. So is Dennis Apple. Maybe that’s why his book resonated with me when I read it a few years after the death of my only son. Early in the book Dennis writes, “Time is important, but time alone will not heal a broken heart. In my journey, it has taken time and the company of others who acknowl
A Little Easier.... A Little Easier.... A Little Easier.... Dayna Wood People often ask me where I am in the grieving process. The truth is that I don’t actually know how to answer that question. Some moments are good, others mediocre and lots of them are still just plain terrible. As so many of you know, it can change every hour, minute or second. With that in mind, I truly believe that the best piece of advice I’ve received came from a good friend that lost her mother a few years ago. She told me that as ha
Military Mother Finds Comfort after Son's Suicide Military Mother Finds Comfort after Son's Suicide Veteran Suicide from a Military Mother's Perspective - TAPS News Peggy Scallorn Cody Allen Scallorn 15 June 1993 to 2 January 2012 Cody started his life out with an uphill battle. He was born eight weeks premature and showed from the very beginning of life that he was a fighter. He was so small and fragile. I wanted nothing more in life than to protect him. I had no idea what greatness lay ahead for Cody. He was our first born child of three
Putting the Closure on the Use of the Word Closure in Grief Putting the Closure on the Use of the Word "Closure" in Grief Putting the Closure on the Use of the Word "Closure" in Grief \| TAPS Alan Wolfelt "If you are seeking a time when you will be finished, you will never be done." ~ TIBETAN SAYING In these contemporary times, you may be led to believe that you need to achieve “closure” after the death of someone in your life. As a matter of fact, you may have already experienced someone approaching you and asking, “Have you had closure yet?” I
Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Hometown Places Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Hometown Places Saturday Morning Message: Favorite Hometown Places \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, There are many wonderful places to visit in our country. TAPS helps us see some of those places when we think about going to the various retreats, seminars, and other experiences with a group of survivors. To find out more, go to the events section of the TAPS website. This week the responders proudly wrote about the great locations in their hometowns that pe
Dispelling the Misconceptions Dispelling the Misconceptions Dispelling the Misconceptions Alan Wolfelt About Suicide and Grief and Mourning Excerpted from The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way Misconception: A misconception is a mistaken notion you might have about something—in other words, something you believe to be true but that is not true. Misconceptions about grief are common in our society because we tend not to openly mourn or talk about grief and mourning. You can see how we’d have misconceptions
When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief When You Really Don’t Feel Like Celebrating Facing Holidays and Special Occasions in Grief \| TAPS William Hoy The sights, sounds, and smells of the holidays remind grieving people that this year things are very different. In fact, you may find yourself dreading the holiday season more than any other time of year. Special occasions make it hard to grieve. Special days are filled with sentiment, and tha
Beamer the Dog Beamer the Dog Beamer the Dog \| TAPS Beamer Burleson Greetings my two-legged friends! My name is Beamer Burleson and I’ve been told that I am the greatest dog on the planet! I am 11 years old and have the joy of helping my Mommy by being her best friend when she is sad. She calls me her service dog. It all started with Daddy and Mommy wanting me to help other soldiers when they returned from deployments. We trained as a Therapy Dog Team and I visited wounded warriors at Fort Bragg
Saturday Morning Message: Kindness for the Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Kindness for the Grieving Saturday Morning Message: Kindness for the Grieving \| TAPS Carol Lane Good morning, The replies from survivors to this week’s question all centered around the people who reached out to them not only in the early days, but who continued on past the memorials. It was the same for me. I value those in my community who talk about their memories of Bryon and I try to let them know how much that means. This week’s lead picture shows a staff memb
Saturday Morning Message: Living Life to Fullest Saturday Morning Message: Living Life to Fullest Saturday Morning Message: Living Life to Fullest Carol Lane Good Morning, As you read answers from survivors, living life after the loss of a loved one is not easy, but we all take up the challenge in different ways. The picture today comes from the recent TAPS Magazine article by Linda Ambard, spouse of Air Force Maj. Philip Ambard , titled "The Journey of Hope Never Ends." In this article, Linda talks about looking at things that she wanted
Messages of Love Messages of Love Messages of Love Claire Perkins Over the years since my son’s death in 2004, I have received many messages and signs from him. Some have come in dreams, some through songs on the radio. Perhaps the most powerful have been the heart-shaped stones and shells washed up by the sea to remind me that love never dies. Read the full article on the Open to Hope website. By Claire Perkins, Surviving mother of Cameron grief, healing, god winks Over the years since my son’s death
3 Years 3 Years 3 Years Rachael Hill July 28, 2013 = 3 years. How has it been that long? Three years? If it has really been three years, then why is it when I close my eyes I can still feel his arms around me and hear his voice? Sometimes when I close my eyes really tight…I can even see the light in his eyes still reflecting that no matter what happens, everything really is going to be alright. Three years has gone by and I have realized that a new woman is starting to emerge. I am not t
The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It The Word “Widow” Doesn’t Cut It \| TAPS Sonia Rai The other day, someone asked me whether I would consider myself a widow. I know that people need labels, but honestly, I haven’t thought much into what I would call myself. Things have been confusing recently. The number of times that question has come up has caused me to ask myself what John and I were. What was he to me and me to him? Was he my “boyfriend?” No… the word itself sounds so trivial. The word
Hope Against All Hope Hope Against All Hope Hope Against All Hope Linda Ambard Like most people, I assumed I knew how my life trajectory would evolve and I trusted that prayers would keep Phil safe from harm. I believed ultimately life was fair and good things happened if I just waited long enough or believed strong enough. Phil's death caused a quake in my belief system and it has made me question who I am, what I stand for, and what I carry in my heart. I am different because I know better. When Phil deplo
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel Finding meaning in involvement…again After this article was written, Congress passed bipartisan legislation and presented it to the President on January 1, 2013. Included in the legislation is a provision to establish an Open Burn Pit Registry at the VA. 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet; all are sleeping but me. Austin’s been dead for more than three years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of
Losing Todd, A Mother's Journey Losing Todd, A Mother's Journey Losing Todd, A Mother's Journey \| TAPS Jeanne Weaver The Gift at the Water's Edge Three days after our son First Lieutenant Todd Weaver was killed, I walked the beach near our home, not knowing whether I had the physical strength to keep my legs moving or whether I would collapse onto the sand. I walked, searching for peace in my heart and some degree of comfort or understanding. I thought, “Who can I turn to? Where do I turn?” That day, I reached the jett
Taking Action Taking Action Taking Action Alice Daniel 10:45 p.m. The house is quiet, all are sleeping but me. He’s been dead over 3 years now. Some things are better. I’m cooking again. We’ve recently moved from our family home of 26 years. Don’t believe I could have done it early on, but it seems like a good move now. It was painful to watch the little boys in our subdivision chase snakes and frogs in the “coulee”. My boys used to do that, coming in for snacks with billy goat sweat on their noses
Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Saturday Morning Message: Grieving Multiple Losses Carol Lane Good morning, Hugs are important when we are grieving. This week, survivor comments about multiple losses varied from feelings after experiencing multiple losses to some of the things they have done to keep anxiety at a distance. I hope you will find their responses like a big hug across the miles. One addition to this week’s message is an idea from Cheryl, mother of Jack. She
I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment I Took a Chance — And Found Empowerment Angela Copeland “Take Steps Toward Transformation” That was the subject line of the email for the TAPS Sedona Women’s Empowerment Event. I paused on it during my usual morning scroll through my inbox. I made a promise to myself to work through the heap of emails for at least five minutes every morning to try and put a dent in the mountain of correspondence. Those emails had been piling up for years, right along w
Life Marches On Life Marches On Life Marches On Linda Ambard Life marches on and I am not sure I like it so much. My youngest graduated from the Air Force Academy recently. He was commissioned by his oldest brother and his youngest sister, also a graduate, came for the festivities. In the midst of the celebration, there was one gaping hole. The day that Phil had looked forward to came and went without his presence. Never was his presence so noticed as graduation week because it should have been Phil comm
Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Happy Birthday Dear Brother, Happy Bir... Michele Hiester Marcum Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, dear brother! Happy Bir… Oh wait. Am I supposed to be celebrating your birthday? Do the angels throw parties in heaven like we do on Earth? Is anyone up there worrying whether the cake is white or chocolate? Or if the frosting is buttercream or whipped? Hmmm… the multitude of questions one ponders when there are no
Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Michele Hiester Marcum Well, this will be our eighth Thanksgiving without my brother, and I just really can’t believe it’s been that long! Have we really gathered together over eight different turkeys…watched eight seasons of holiday football…braved eight Black Fridays of shopping nonsense since he left this Earth? I remember when I was counting moments and then mere hours, waiting for the agonizing grief to subside. Somewhere along that timeline, the hours stretched
Saturday Morning Message: May is a Month of Remembrance Saturday Morning Message: May is a Month of Remembrance May is a Month of Remembrance \| TAPS Saturday Morning Message TAPS Good Morning, You are in our hearts as we step into May. With the whole nation around us contemplating military appreciation this month, we hold close a reverence that comes from personal sacrifice. While we don’t want others to know such sacrifice, we hope to spread awareness of how Americans can truly appreciate those who have served and given their lives to our countr
Years After Valentine's Loss, the Blessings of Love Remain Years After Valentine's Loss, the Blessings of Love Remain Years After Valentine's Loss, the Blessings of Love Remain \| TAPS Ellen Andrews Chocolate, flowers, candy, cards and romantic dinners. Valentine’s Day conjures up a myriad of images and feelings. You can’t go anywhere in the months of January and early February without being bombarded by store shelves filled with pink and red and “Be Mine” hearts. And while this annual holiday brings warm thoughts and joy to most, it can be
4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew 4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew 4 Things I Wish My Mom Knew Ashlynne Haycock-Lohmann I lost my mother Air Force Veteran Nichole Haycock to suicide when I was only 19 years old, which is a really complicated age. Legally, I was an adult and had to make adult decisions, but in my mind I was way too young to be making these decisions. After all, I still called my mom to ask what temperature was to wash my laundry. I didn’t know how to make adult decisions without her. Six years later, I have accom
The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve The Choice to Grieve Laura Morrison We have lots of choices in life. We choose what job to have, where to live, who we want to be. Every day we make choices both big and small; the choices are all around us. But when it comes to grief, it can feel like there is no choice. Grief is thrust upon us, and I don’t think anyone takes it well. I know my family didn’t. I’ll never forget the phone call from Keith’s dad. “The DoD just left my house,” he said a few times before I
Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Facing My Fears on Heartbreak Hill Linda Ambard The Boston Marathon is going to be my 100th marathon on April 18th. It was never supposed to be my 100th marathon because 100 marathons is usually a time where people come and celebrate the milestone. My 100thmarathon was supposed to be about finishing the Bucket List I had when Phil was killed and starting a new Bucket List for the next chapter in my life. I figured five years would be time enough to be rea
United Through Darkness, Shining Together United Through Darkness, Shining Together United Through Darkness, Shining Together Rachel Hunsell As I lay on my sleeping bag surrounded by my new family scattered across the beach, I looked up at stars. This was my nightly routine on my sandy bed, keeping my eyes open as long as they could to gaze upon the magic of these stars. These weren't like the stars back home in the rural Midwest; no, these stars made you truly feel your place in the universe. You could see the Milky Way Galaxy stret
Vacationing Military Widow Finds Comfort and Therapy in Vacationing Therapeutic Effect of Vacations for Military Widows - TAPS News Sarah Greene I have felt the pull to visit places and take vacations that my husband talked about but never got the chance to visit. I want to visit these places for several reasons: to honor him, feel close to him, fulfill his vision of seeing the parts of the world, and see the world for myself. Alaska was highest on his destination wish list, so that will be a must. We us
Watching My Kids Grow Watching My Kids Grow Watching My Kids Grow Rachael Hill Three weeks after my husband’s accident my oldest son started kindergarten. Now my youngest is in kindergarten and it is a hard sting for me, not because my little buddy isn’t home with me during the day anymore, but because it is the harsh reality of how much time has gone by that Jeff has not been a part of. I often get asked the question, “How are the boys?” How do you really answer that? Do I even really know how they’re doing? I
Hunt the Good Stuff Hunt the Good Stuff Hunt the Good Stuff Dayna Wood Very rarely have I found myself alone over the last year and a half. Right after the accident, my friends and family rushed to my side and have been pillars of unwavering support every since. I’ve always had a roommate/friend to come home to that would help me laugh through the tears and remind me of all the good times I had with Ko. Yet, I’ve recently moved to Omaha, Nebraska for a job, and I don’t know anyone. I’m absolutely terrified th
Proactive Grieving Proactive Grieving Proactive Grieving Mitch Carmody And how we climb the S.T.A.I.R.S to get there When my father died in 1969, I was only 15 years old. My mom told me that I was the man of the family now and that I needed to take care of the farm and my sisters. I did just that. I did not grieve, I did not cry, I did not publicly mourn. I hid my sorrow as if it were some awful secret I was ashamed of. I moved on. When my brother died five years later, nothing much had changed. My brother
Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks Saturday Morning Message: God Winks \| TAPS Carol Lane Good Morning, There were so many interesting God winks sent this week that I think it will take two weeks to share these marvelous moments in our lives. If you have a God wink you would like to share after reading this week’s message, feel free to send it along. I will include it in the monthly Writers’ Circle that is sent to those who request it. The picture this week comes from Debra, wife