Courses and Classmates

Losing a person with whom we shared a close bond is shattering. That is certainly how I felt after the loss of my son, Joe. One moment, I was thinking about his recent engagement to the girl of his dreams and their wedding plans; Joe’s fiancée and her mom worked diligently while Joe was underway — place and date set, plans were moving along superbly. Hours later, as the day was ending for me, I received a phone call from a Navy chaplain who needed to see me as soon as possible. Was I home? He wouldn’t say why, but I knew. 

I was proud to call my son a United States sailor. He joined the Navy to give back to the country that gave him so much. Joe was born in Seoul, South Korea, and we adopted him in 1999. As I soon learned that he died during flight operations while out at sea, plans halted abruptly, and a cloud of shock settled in. 

So What Is Grief All About? 

Unexpected and overwhelming disbelief, anguish, and even despair hit immediately after we are confronted by loss. We try to make the new reality make sense and understand what happened and why. We begin the long, arduous, and often complex process of grieving. 

Brené Brown once said humans are “emotional, feeling beings; who, on rare occassions, think.” There is much truth to that sentiment. We go through life experiencing a multitude of emotions, but we rarely give them much thought. Some emotions, such as love, happiness, and belonging, are more than welcome. They are easy to express. 

Others, grief for one, are not so welcome or straightforward. Yet, grief is the mirror image of love — the other, unwanted side of the same coin. Many of us find grief difficult to express, but to begin to heal and accept our new reality, we must somehow learn to live with it and move forward with it. If we do not, we risk remaining as we are: lonely, angry and upset, hurt and resentful, to name just a few. 

This is where TAPS and the TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® have helped me and fellow survivors, and I know it can help those who will follow us. We need to know what grief is all about. It is not an illness. It is not a weakness or something to be avoided. We are not crazy. Grief is a natural reaction to loss. It is the price of a strong, well-founded relationship with another human being built on mutual respect, caring, and love. Because one person in that relationship has now died, the relationship can no longer remain as it was. It must change. That is the process of grief that we all face. 

Tools for the Journey

The TAPS Institute for Hope and Healing® and its always-growing course library, which includes webinars about navigating grief, cultivating meaning, developing positive relationships, building resilience, and many others, have prepared me for my journey through grief and connected me with like-minded peers and friends who walk the path with me. We console, encourage, and gently guide each other along the way. 

These courses — offered online and at no cost to survivors — and the connections I’ve made have empowered me, and I believe they will do the same for you and anyone suffering the loss of someone dear who served in the military. So, I encourage you to sign up, give a listen, participate, learn, and connect. The mutual support and empathy that connection brings and the tools at our fingertips hold the hope we seek.

PHOTOS: TAPS Archives