Is It Ok?

Every day for about the first two years after Dre's passing, I walked on eggshells and hid behind the bushes. I never wanted to be in the limelight. I didn't want to say or do anything that would offend someone. I was his wife and as his widow, I didn't want to be inappropriate in my mannerisms, words, or actions. I felt as if people would question how much I loved my husband, if I loved him as much as I said I did, or if I still loved him. It was the hardest two years of my life. Then one day it all changed. I woke up and realized regardless of what I do or say, I am going to have someone looking at me, watching me, and probably judging me and each of my decisions.

Somewhere around my 2 ½ year mark, I opened my eyes and woke up. Why should I hide the new person I had become? The person I was now destined to be? Regardless of what I did or said when he was alive, I was never worried about how people viewed me. I didn't care about people judging my love for him or our marriage, so why should I start now. I have several social media accounts and I make sure that I honor him, our love, and our marriage on them. I share videos of us, our favorite songs, pictures, the 'whole nine yards.' I have never done or said anything that would make people question us, so why was I worried? What was I afraid of? Not a day goes by I don't speak to my husband or speak of my husband. I miss him dearly. Yes I do. I am not the one who died though. I am not the one who is no longer living, so why should my thoughts and actions die while I am still living?

I've come to the conclusion that our thoughts and our actions can't die along with our loved ones. We have to continue living in the here and now and sharing with the world the person we once loved, the person that we spent their lives loving and living for. Regardless of what you say and how you say it or what you do and how you do things, there are  always going to be people questioning your intentions. I say don't worry about it. IT IS OK. Continue living for you and honoring them. The way I see it is it's your life and you have to continue living it, no one else… So live it doing everything you want, your way, because IT IS OK!