By Bonnie Carroll

 

There are things I will never forget. The knock on the front door that November morning, the solemn look in the eye of the Army officer who came to deliver the news, the morning paper that bore the headlines, “Soldiers killed…”, and the feel of the heavy cloth of the folded flag that was gently placed in my arms at the graveside. And I shall never forget the mournful notes of the bugle drifting out over the rows of silent headstones as the final honors were rendered at the cemetery. Those memories are with me forever.

 

For so long, those recollections were full of pain and sadness. They were sharp reminders of the day my world changed forever, and they triggered a flood of tears. But as time went on, there was a subtle shift. Did you know that the words to taps are actually a prayer? ”Day is done, gone the sun, from the hills, from the lake, from the sky. All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.” Edie Tunstall, a young Army widow with a beautiful gospel voice, sang these words for us one year at the TAPS National Military Survivor Seminar and it was so healing!

 

As time passed, there would be other such healing shifts. Lee Vincent, the father of a Marine who died in an air crash, reminded us in an article in the TAPS newsletter that “every one of those we love had already risen far above the rest of our society in character, courage, honor and ability. And not an atom of that achievement can ever be lost or taken back. If they had lived, they would be proud today of who they are and what they are doing. Now, it’s our duty to be proud for them.”

 

So, it wasn’t about their death, it was about their life! The theme of the TAPS Survivor Seminar, held each Memorial Day weekend in Washington, DC, is “Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey.” We truly do honor those we love by cherishing the extraordinary lives they lived, regardless of the circumstances or geography of their death.

 

A TAPS Mom shared these words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, “It is not length of life, but depth of life.” The decision made to join the military and protect and defend freedom, even if it means going into harm’s way, is a courageous one and it speaks to the character of the individual. Their life had depth, and even if cut short, was lived fully and richly.

 

I have learned many things in the years since Tom’s death, and like to think of these as lessons he continues to teach me. Life is rarely understandable and often unfair. We are all living on borrowed time. Our loved one surely knew that time was precious, and didn’t waste a moment of it. They lived a life that may have been outwardly simple but was inwardly rich, and they showed how one person could inspire in others a powerful faith.

 

One of my husband’s friends called him “incredibly, irrepressibly full of life” and asked “If he is not immortal, what of the rest of us?” Well, our loved ones are immortal. They will live forever in the memories — and hopefully, the deeds — of every life they have touched. Remember the joy it was to know them, to witness the things they said, the smiles they shared, the kindnesses they did, and how they laughed. That’s how we all should remember them. And carry on in our hearts the great legacy they have given us.

 

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