Very rarely have I found myself alone over the last year and a half. Right after the accident, my friends and family rushed to my side and have been pillars of unwavering support every since. I’ve always had a roommate/friend to come home to that would help me laugh through the tears and remind me of all the good times I had with Ko.
Yet, I’ve recently moved to Omaha, Nebraska for a job, and I don’t know anyone. I’m absolutely terrified that feelings of loneliness will consume my day-to-day life. I feel lucky and blessed that one of Ko’s bestfriends lives only 3 hours away, but more than anything, I want to walk through my door at the end of the day and see Ko sitting on the couch with that giant smile on his face. As cruel as it is, I need to come to terms with the fact that this won’t happen.
To this extent, I’m trying to look at the glass as half full. Whenever I’m having a sad/lonely day, I’m going to “hunt the good”. By this, I mean I’m going to analyze my day and sort through all the rough partsuntil I find the positive things that happened. I’m starting to realize that no matter what occurs in life, there is always something that makes me smile.
So far today, the “good stuff” is the fact that I thought of Ko and smiled (didn’t cry), got my cable fixed, talked with my brother and one of my friends, and watched my favorite TV show. These may not be the most exciting things in the world, but now more than ever, I enjoy the simple thingsin life!
It was actually one of Ko’s best friends (the same one that lives 3 hours away) that shared this approach with me after he learned it in the Army. I remember calling him crying my eyes out, unable to form a sentence.He stayed on the phone and slowly helped me “hunt the good stuff” out of my day. I’ll never forget that conversation as long as I live.
While I’m still terrified to be in a new place, I have managed to see the positive in it all. For starters, it’s refreshing to have the chance to define my life in new ways. Ko is always in my heart, and I wouldn’t change that for the world, but likeI’ve said before, he would want me to be happy. No one in Omaha knows anything about me or Ko. This gives me the opportunity to approach the subject with new friends or a new significant other on my own terms.
I’ve also found that being in a new city living on my own has forced me to accept that I’m more courageous than I’ve ever given myself credit for. I’m certainly not one to toot my own horn, but being tossed into this new living situation has required me to come out of my shell and do things I never thought I would. Never in a million years did I think I would become this outgoing. For the most part, I can be pretty shy when I first meet people.Yet for some reason, I walked into this new job determined to be outgoing, and so far so good!
I hope that this method can help someone else as much as it’s helped me. A lot of days it seems that “good stuff” in life is missing. Slowly I’m learning that this is not the case. I just need to look at life in a different way and be grateful for all that I have.